I was talking to my sis the other night and I told her that if I died first, I'd leave her all my private stuff. I'll give her my written journals, my crappy quote-filled, scribble-filled notebooks and all my passwords that I use online for anymore private crap. Then I'd want her to burn everything.

Then I realise the extent of my cloistered life. The way I keep, seriously, EVERYTHING, under tight wraps. And I realise I trust very, very few people. What is wrong with me.

Then I think, maybe everyone's like that. Nobody really knows that many people. No one single person knows, for real, more than maybe five people. I mean, really know someone.

Like... I'd look at my mom, and I see my mom. But there are times when I realise that she's a girl too, was, is. And it dawns on me that I don't know her, as anything more than my mom.

You know?

Anyway, last entry was full of melodrama. Pfft. Like I said. In the heat of the moment, one tends to blow things slightly out of proportion. When you take a step back, you gain some rationality and become that little bit more detached, so that you can finally see what an emotional fool you were at that point in time. (Now I start to wonder... which position is closer to the reality of the situation. Oh nevermind.)

To better things: I have got my hands on PBSeason2 and yes, I am having fun feeding my obsession! I am a TV junkie.

I don't know what to say. I just feel, for lack of a better expression, screwed over. Or I'm deluded. I don't know which it is. Either way, it hurts. How could I have been so stupid, so wrong? At least I know now. And I won't be stupid anymore. I really must be living in a bubble, or something. Ugh.

Signs, signs, signs. How do you interpret them? I'm freaking out. I'm scared.

Be brave, be brave.

Goodness. You must be wondering what I'm blogging about.

Sometimes, don't you wish you could have someone take you by the hand and show you the right way? So you don't have to handle the confusion.

I'm having a freaking headache.

And oh god, the stupid internet connection. Keeps going.

You know how you admire the amazing people in stories? You know, like William Wallace, or Frodo, or Harry, or Peter Parker. How brave they are, how strong. And you wish, you know, you could be a little bit like that. And maybe you wish you could be offered the opportunity to test yourself, to see if you could be like that. But then when real things happen, it's different, isn't it? I think it's harder than you can imagine. Less fantastical, more real, more painful, infinitely scarier.

I think. I am a closet drama queen. Yes, I am. What else can account for this... crappiness.

Right now, I want Season 2 of Prison Break so much, I think I'd do almost anything for it. Anything! Short of crime, at least. Oh, piracy excluded.

Oh whoops. @_@. Will I get arrested for saying that?

Whatever. I WANT SEASON 2!!!

How can anyone have such pretty eyes? It shouldn't be allowed. Wentworth Miller, I mean. Besides, guys should not have the prettier eyes. You know what? TV is detrimental. It sets your standards of beauty so high, you can't possibly find anyone real to match.

Okay, bidding for modules are starting soon. I mean, tomorrow. I shall stop. Toodles.

Okay, fine, I'm not going on a hiatus just yet.

I don't wanna hurt you
I don't wanna make it sway
Like I know I've done before
I will not do it anymore.
I've always been a dreamer
I've had my head among the clouds
But now that I am coming down...
Won't you be my solid ground.

Oh my god... I love this song so much. It doesn't seem to get old with me.

Speaking of which... the song of the Surabaya holiday was... definitely... Taufik's Usah Lepaskan. We are so jiwang.

I should have said something a long time ago. But was lazy. Yes, am back from Surabaya. And have been going crazy over Prison Break. Gosh gosh gosh. I managed to persuade my dad to get us the entire season 1 and we finished it and now I'm dying to get season 2.

So me and sis indulge in stupid music videos on youtube and interviews. But the problem is - gah - they never censor spoilers. We were watching Wentworth on a talk show, I think, and then they suddenly showed a clip from season 2 about someone betraying someone else. I mean, like, COME ON. Give me a warning please! I literally leaped away from the screen, screaming, covering my ears and squeezing my eyes shut. But it's too late, damn it. I can't erase what I know now. I neeeeed Season 2!

Anyway. to speak of Surabaya: It was fun, of course; when has a holiday never been. I think it takes little to satisfy me, anyway. I think a big part of it were the haunted houses at the theme parks. They were scaaaarrry. There was one where a big statued person came leaping at us and my sister fell back onto me in the carriage, screaming her head off. And there was also the part where we had to walk and we stopped next to a wooden coffin, and then it started vibrating. And we screamed. Then it opened. We screamed. And then a plastic corpse jumped out. My sister and me screamed and fell on our butts in shock. Hilarious now, to think of it. There was also a pocong that was put above our heads and we're all staring at it fearfully. Then, as we pass directly under it, it falls like five inches lower, almost to our heads, making me scream like never before while trying to squash myself into the foot space of the carriage.

Oh my god, so funny.

Then there was the animal safari where a rhino tried to chase us. really! We were in a van. Then there were the pretty zebras which were too much to resist, so my dad climbed out of the vehicle, attempting to touch the zebras. But we got spotted by an officer, who got angry. And then we understood why. A rhino started following us! At one point it was really running after us and we were all screaming! But I think the officer was around and made sure the rhino didn't really sondol us or anything.

Okay, there seems to be a problem with photo uploading now. So next time I'll put photos, maybe. Or not. I have an urge to go on an indefinite blogging hiatus. Ta.

It is 3.40 am in the morning. And am wide awake. Because I have stumbled upon wonders and wonders - Ahmad Deedat videos on youtube. Been watching for hours. And even if you hate him because you're Christian, you have got to admire the man's guts. The way he speaks about Christianity and systematically bashes about it, really, makes me cringe for him. In multiracial Singapore where we are so scared to tread on each other's toes, someone like him would surely make you shiver in shock, at his unbelievable audacity. But I suppose, when you believe that God is on your side, you have no qualms whatsoever. :)

When does it finally come to the point where you actually dare to think you've been wrong all along? It's a scary situation.

Tonight was damn fun. I went out, after what seems like a very long time, to have dinner with aunts. Then we went to vivocity, just because. And we sat down facing Sentosa. And then Cik An was telling us how she calculated that all her kids were 62% Indian. And I decided to do for me. Using the concept of genetics (you get half from your mum, and half from your dad), we got this:

44% Malay
25% Indian
19% Arab
12% Chinese

The Malay has all: Bugis, Bawean and Jawa elements. Plus Riau and Terengganu. And the Indian has Malbari and Pakistan. Wah, damn rojak ah. I like. I'm truly Singaporean in a way; very multiracial.

Which is why, when people ask me what race I am, I really don't know what to say. My dad insists we're Arabs cause of the family name. Okay fine. But from my calculations, we're mostly malay. Which makes sense. But then I've been told I don't look very malay. Oh well. What does it all matter in the end. I'm me. I live in Singapore and I'm Muslim.

Our conversation, at one point, turned to the story of my great grandmother on the paternal side. She was apparently born alongside a little white crocodile. No, really. A white crocodile twin. Reallllly. There were such stories in kampong times.

So, am I 1% reptile? Heh. Hints of scaliness within my blood.

And oh my god, to go off topic here, I really love Prison Break. You could watch it just for Wentworth's eyes, but the plot's pretty gripping too. And the romance is picking up! :)

Am rereading my lit text: The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie. The ten-year-old girls are so hilarious. They discuss sex so much but think it's disgusting and scary. And this is just funny.

"I wouldn't like to have sexual intercourse," Sandy said.

"Neither would I. I'm going to marry a pure person."

"Have a toffee."

The toffee part is so incongruous! Haha.

This one is also funny. Sandy makes up stories in her head; this one about Alan Breck from Kidnapped and his lover (herself!):

Supposing that passion struck upon them in the course of the evening and they were swept away into sexual intercourse? She saw the picture of it happening in her mind, and Sandy could not stand for this spoiling. She argued with herself, surely people have time to think, they have to stop to think while they are taking their clothes off, and if they stop to think, how can they be swept away?

Lit will be over soon.

Damn the exams ah. I want to go bowling with my cousins!

Okay, I am done. Looking at past mistakes. Whatever. Never again. Done done done.

Remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Be steel.

My brother has been cleaning up his room and as a result the whole house is chaos. What he does is scoop all manner of things into black garbage bags and dumps them at our balcony. The moment I peek into one of the bags, I find something worth keeping. The first thing I found was our old nail clipper that my mum had complained was missing. Today I collected: a whole stack of past year papers for our cousin who has yet to take the As, my GP RJ Bulls, literature guides on To Kill A Mockingbird and Shakespeare, a magnetic chess travel set and the brochures to the ivy leagues (which made my heart ache).

Why is it some people lack sentimentality.

I look through Princeton In Brief and immediately feel like bashing self up. Or do something so I don't feel like... this.

95 percent of the Class of 2008 were in the top 10 percent of their high school classes.

I just feel frustrated.

And Carnegie Mellon actually has a Bachelor of Science and Arts course on Biological Sciences and Psychology. Why am I so dumb and didn't check this out. I can't take the pain.

So stupid. And I took the SATs twice for nothing. Really, man. Urge to hurt self is becoming irresistable. The stupid things I do. About everything. Feel like I can't breathe when I think of my past stupidities. Eeeyaaaah.

If only I had remained ignorant, maybe I'd be happier.

Cannot wait for all the papers to be over!

This whole studying thing has changed. It's more like gambling. My old philosophy was to study everything as humanely possible (yes, nutty, but what to do) but now, it's all about calculated risk and gambling. The amount of knowledge to be learnt seems more than a mountain-load so instead, I calculate the probability of such-and-such concept being tested. So right now, I'm thinking one of the long questions for LSM will definitely be on carb metabolism, so there I go memorising all kinds of dehydrogenases and citric acid reactions. But I will skim through lipids. Learn more on protein structure. Skim through enzyme kinetics. But learn hemoglobin.

Good luck to me.

The other day, this girl came knocking on the door trying to sell me some kiddy-looking coloured markers fashioned in the shape of santa, and rudolph, and all other christmas associations. I told her I wasn't interested. She didn't budge. I told her I would have no use for it. She maintained her stand and said, "Oh, you can buy for your relatives and cousins. The holiday is coming!" And I gave her a look, that probably said, "You have tested my patience. That is so the wrong thing to say." I sort of gestured to my house, my door, me - and said, trying not to be cold, "I don't celebrate Christmas." Her smile dropped a notch and she finally said, "Okay. Sorry." When she left, I rolled my eyes and shut the door.

Really. Why is it that Christmas has become a universal celebration? Hey, I completely respect the fact that it is a Christian holiday. But don't go around exclaiming that we should all have Christmas parties and have Christmas trees and exchange presents. If you're not a Christian, why are you celebrating? Do you even know the significance of this occasion? The same irritating thing happens with Halloween. I hear on the radio Singaporeans celebrating Halloween. What on earth. Maybe some even celebrate Thanksgiving.

The extent Singaporeans go to Americanise themselves is puke-inducing sometimes.

Some holidays are truly sacred. But when it becomes an opportunity for people to party, I get extremely annoyed. Like Hari Raya. If you don't fast or respect Ramadhan, in my view, you have no right to celebrate Syawal, and Hari Raya, my dear, does not apply to you. Note - the word 'raya' means to 'celebrate' a victory.

God, I have so much angst.

Usah biarku bersendirian

Usah biar hati mu di tawan

Usah biar diriku di sini

Seorang menunggu tanpa teman

Usah lepas genggaman tangan mu

Usah biar semua berlalu

Usah terlupa perasaan hati

Pertama kali kita bertemu

Usah lepaskan

support our local talents! taufik's malay songs rock better than his english ones though.

jiwangness is sometimes so nice.

taufik, hady and imran should really join forces. and take the region by storm.

Thought I'll just say, for history's sake, that chem is over. And that I probably wouldn't be doing chem ever again. (At least I don't think I will.)

Feeling excited for holiday trip cause of the video project we'll be working on. yay.

Thought I'd just add another icon for fun.

Isn't this just the cutest? I don't get it - why did JKR make Draco into a ferret in Goblet of Fire? Ferrets are perfectly adorable things (Just look at the picture!) and if her purpose was to make us see Draco in a bad light, I think she achieved quite the opposite. She made Draco into a furry, seemingly cuddly, creature, for God's sake. What's bad about that. Why not a toad. Why a ferret.

I have to do such things - looking at furry animals, I mean. So that I see less of chemical bonds in my head.

Will be flying off to Surabaya on 9th Dec till 17th. We actually wanted to go further away (Morocco for instance) but settled on somewhere closer so that the entire bafadhal clan can go together. I don't know how many of my family will actually be going... but I say near 20. Oh kecoh kecoh. But fun.

I wonder what the theme song for this holiday will be. We always have one for every trip. Well, at least the ones with Hussein coming along. Bringing card games. Oh yay. Am actually anticipating it.

It is less than two days away to chem and the fear is finally sinking in. Oh my goodness. I am very freaked out right now. How how how.

Cannot hyperventilate.

This need to excel thing is going to seriously kill me one day.

Omg. So funny. My dad just got out of his bedroom and creeped down the stairs, hair all tousled and eyes squinting, looking all blur, wondering why the lights are still all on downstairs at close to 1 am. And he was peeking at the tv lounge area. Muaha. Hullo. I'm trying to study here. Trying but constantly getting distracted. But still trying.

But that is so it. I am going to sleep now. Chapter 17 (hell of a chapter. ugh.) unfinished but what the heck.

And, oh, here's a bit of the regional news from CNA:

SINGAPORE : Advanced Medical Optics has recalled 115,000 bottles of its "COMPLETE" contact lens solution in Southeast Asia due to contamination. Due to a problem with the filtration system in its manufacturing plant in China, 2.9 million bottles of Advanced Medical Optics contact lens solution has been contaminated with the ralstonia bacteria, and are being recalled.

Wah. Thanks ah. Take care of your filtration system, man. COMPLETE is like, the most popoular contacts solution and almost my entire family uses it, okay. That ralstonia creature better not be swimming around on my retina. Or my sister's. Or my mum's.

HATE CHEM. Can't stand it. I don't see how I can retain all the stupid reactions in my head. I am glad this is the first and last chem module I'll do.

Oh, fantastic. Got the schedule for teroka seni and it seems lin and me are pretty much dead. Both of us are flying away for holiday and both of us still have to do the publicity stuff. Damn damn damn. I will so keep that vow I made not to be involved anymore.

I'm off to watch House of Wax. What does this tell you about my state of studies.

Just wanna say that: MY GUESTBOOK'S BACK! Not that you, whoever you are, really care. Muaha. But I have missed it. It has funny old messages. And I suddenly miss Nikki. Read her posts and miss her sarcastic crap. And Eunice's posts with those insane smileys just crack me up.

I've been thinking: I should call myself procrastinator extraordinaire. For once in my life, I wish I could finish studying at the time I want to finish studying. Glug.

Went to study math with the "linear gang" today. Of course, we got distracted half the time because the laptop was on and so friendster was easily accessible and some of us could indulge in favourite hobby: rating people's prettiness. Pretty hilarious. Then we had to eat. So again waste time. Then me and hudy went to pray and spotted the Love's Book of Answers on marli's shelf. Which turned out to be some sort of fortune thingy - you ask a question and flip to a page and the page will have your answer. Hudy asked, "Do I love shamiah?" And the book said, "Act as if your heart's in it." Ohohoh. I slapped her in repsonse. After that, the massage chair became the distraction. So all in all, was not very productive. But yay, hudy didn't get lost whilst driving!

OotP trailer is out!!! I must say the three leads have not grown in beauty in the least.

Okay, I know I am a nutcase when it comes to being obsessed with stories, books and tv. But it annoys the hell out of me when some other people seem even more nutcas-y.

For instance, the fact that some fans are petitioning for Dean's potential love interest in Supernatural to get kicked off. For God's sake! Leave it alone! The moment these rabid fangirls heard there was a girl coming into the show, the hate started. Yes, I post about loving Dean yadda yadda yadda, but it's all in the name of fun. I don't go around bashing the girl who might end up with Dean on the show. He's a character, you crazed people; you can't have him for yourself!

Of course, I suppose, part of the hate stems from the whole homo-Wincest thing. If a girl comes into the picture, poor screwed up minds can't enjoy a Dean/Sam in their heads. Not so much. Oh, woe it all. No fandom can escape the clutches of same-sex fantasies. And Supes is the prefect breeding ground for it. Put in a regular girl character, and everything tilts off balance.

Yes, sure, you can argue that homosexuality exists and there will always be people who are inclined towards it. But it's scary when at least 70% of the fandom enjoy it. What is this, I ask you.

Looking at the world of HP fandom, it's clear it has gone completely nuts and we've actually gone beyond homo relationships to trans-species. Things like Hagrid/Giant Squid exist. How do people think of such things? Appalling. I've sort of left HP online fandom because partly, it's hard to find decent things anymore. Gone are the nice fluffy days of Gryffindortower and Sugarquill. Now I'm just waiting for the last book and am sticking to canon, thanks.

I need to get me a D40. Need to. Need to. I don't need a too difficult D80 SLR with too many different functions I have yet to learn about; I just want a basic digital SLR. Please please please. Ever since, I went for raya visiting that day when Abang Shahrul and Kak Wati came along with their D40, I haven't stopped thinking about it. When I held it in my hands, a sense of nostalgia struck me and I realised, goddamn - I miss it. I miss the feeling of a beautiful, sleek SLR. And the sound it makes. Waaaaah.

Isn't it just cooool. I waaaaaant.

Omg. Casino Royale actually rocked. I think I might watch James Bond movies from now on. So what if Daniel Craig's face is wrinkly. He has blue eyes, a hot body for a - wait, how old is he? whatever. - a hot body period, and effortlessly oozes coolness. His eyes are just wonderful and the camera plays with it fiiine. You can actually see him thinking. Yes, I give this Bond my very big stamp of approval.

The action sequences were also very, very cool and entertaining. And real. And just whoa. The free-running sequence in the beginning of the movie was jaw-dropping, really. The black dude was jumping from building to crane to building like a monkey. And Eva Green's character was actually likable! Bond girls are usually UGH-inducing, but she was smart and dispensed witty remarks and not slutty. Yayee. Another good movie on my favourite action movies list.

The reason for my family going back to our habit of late night movies is my brother's completion of his A-level exams. He is being unbelievably annoying at the moment. He sees me with my chem books and goes, "You're.. studying? Wait, studying? What's that?" SO exasperating. He acts as though I haven't gone and done my As before. That feeling of freedom and infinite possibilities? Been there, done that, you nincompoop. But now I realise how much of an illusion that was. gah.

My moods to write are so elusive. And when they do come, they come fleetingly, and at importune moments: like when I'm on the train and am thinking and came across a wonderful idea, or when something funny happens but am outside without my darling compaq.

The day before yesterday Hudy, Khairiah and me got lost in Bugis after math lec because Hudy was driving and didn't know the way to SMU and the rest of us were equally blur. It was hilarious. We went around the fountain of fortune at suntec thrice. And essentially behaved like a nincompoop on the roads. Took out the directory, which turned out to be OLD and had SMU placed somewhere in Bukit Timah. My eyes were about to pop out lah looking for the freaking campus on the map. It took a whole hour for us to get from Kent Vale to SMU. :) SO funny and chaotic. It got so chaotic in fact that we had to stop somewhere near Arab Street and stare at the directory to find our way.

At the suntec fountain roundabout:
Hudy: Eh, which way? Which way?
Khairiah: Aaaah...
Me: I don't know! Nevermind, go one more round! No one's watching us.
Khairiah: *bursts into fits of laughter*
Hudy: Okay, I exit here ah... I think it's here.

- We got out of the roundabout and drive along until there's a turn that says towards Beach Rd -

Me: Okay, we should be going towards that direction...
Hudy: Yar, yar, correct. I think so...

- We drive along some more. -

Khairiah: Oh my god! Hudy! It's the fountain again! *laughs like a maniac again*

And true enough, we went around the fountain again. Making it a total of three times. I was laughing like mad half the time.

Okay gotta get cracking on the budget proposal and finish the horribliest chem prac report ever.

I really dont wanna get involved with anything anymore after this year. No matter how people may say... "We need your help...", "Why not! It's fun...!" or "Please..." I shall learn to say no. I keep getting roped into things I never wanted to do in the first place because I have a problem with decision-making.

Now when I finally feel like getting down to working and studying, I have a freaking budget proposal to complete. And I have no idea what we need the money for seeing as how I wasn't even at the meeting.

Don't clutter up my already cluttered mind, please.

Nowadays, I find it easier to say heck care to most things. Mostly it's because, I think, trying hasn't done me much good over the years anyway. So things that I know I fail at and I don't want anyway, I shall just trash. That's not who I am. So what if people think of me a certain way.

Being true to oneself has a fantastically liberating feeling.

Granny's over at our place again. My brother declared he wanted to learn to cook from her after As. My granny then appallingly says no to it because she worries what his wife would do for him if he cooks for himself - sleep? My jaw almost hit the ground in shock and fury. I immediately insist that she teach him. I swear to God: it is the women themselves who perpetuate this wife-slavehood. My granny, of course, takes my obection lightly and laughs it all away. While my brother goes exasperatingly: "I just want to learn to cook! Who's talking about marriage..."

Sometimes I wish I could put a dam in my brain to stem all these thoughts. I think I may be evolving into a full-blown feminist. Oh dear.

I just sent a letter to future me. So cool. Go to www.futureme.org to send one to yours.

Sometimes I wonder why I even blog anymore.

I can't think like this anymore! It's driving me nuts.

I look at pussy cat dolls on tv and think: Doomsday is near.

Have SS mcq test later this evening and have trouble even reading the freaking textbook. Sometimes the extent of my laziness scares myself. It's a wonder I even got this far.

My computer is being conquered by the Chinese. Everything is starting to become chinese-mediumed and it's annoying the hell out of me. My blogger account has not escaped it! Freaking everything is in chinese! I can't understand anything! I tried to change it last night but it refused to. And I simply cannot afford the time right now. So irritating.

Finally finished lit essay.

It's NUStress now. 3 weeks to exams and am freaking out because my grasp of them chem topics is very, very, very flimsy. I think I have a leftover fear of chem from JC times. Scary crap.

Been also watching The 70s Show on youtube (hence the backlog of schoolwork but whatever, I need to laugh okay.) and love Topher Grace. And Ashton. And Fez! They're so hilarious. And I also watched latest episode of Supernatural and love it more than ever. So freaking exciting. I am such a tv geek. Can't help it.

I miss video editing. And arabic. Once studying crap is over, I'll get on with the raya video. Been intending to use Sami Yusof's music. Yayyeee. It's strange how all my passions lie elsewhere from schoolwork.

It's nice to imagine that I live in a bubble of goodness. Ignore all the pain and the bad stuff. Just take a hold of it, and throw it all out.

Yay! I'm actually updating! No, no, dear bloggie, you have a few more years left in you. Am not abandoning you just yet.

Met up with Jean yesterday!!! Missed her. We had coffee and cake and cookie at Uni Hall's Spinelli. We chatted about school, life, how bleak things seem. Told her to go work at Raffles Hospital when she graduates. I like the people there.

Have to get back to work because of the nigtmare week, which includes three fraking tests and an essay due.

Feeling strangely nostalgic now. Thinking of old friends like Jean.

What the frak is wrong with my tagbooard!

frak. I like the word. Tis from veronica mars season 3.

Anyway.

I think I'm gonna trash the stupid tagboard and put my old guestbook back (provided I can find it again). Guestbooks give more space for expression too.

Firstof all: Steve is a stingray! A soft, fuzzy, adorable brown one. And I gave him to Eunice for her birthday. I love it. And it means more to give away what you love, right? Haha. Anyway, I promise me and Turk will go out for coffee and a movie or stg after raya to celebrate properly.

Second: Have a list to put up here. As a result of a crackpot conversation with Lin after our SS test the other day. It's our combined criteria for a future husband; includes the sensible and the ridiculous, you discern.

Great husband factors include:

1. Residence in the east. -- This is essentially dumb. But really. I was very unhappy when one of my cousins got married and moved from perfect Tampines to JURONG. Like hello. Turn my life topsy and turvy, why don't you. Yes, I am irrational, I know.

2. Fantastic voice for being Imam (leading prayers). -- A superb melting quality.

3. An orphan. -- To avoid the horror of mother-in-laws. Think women like Glenn Close in Hush.

4. Sense of humour. -- Because my family is a nutty family that sends me into bouts of hysterical laughter frequently, I cannot imagine being otherwise.

5. Leadership qualities. -- Sylvia Plath did say something along the lines of "Every woman loves a fascist". A man with authority and power plus the right dose of gentlemanliness and sensitivity makes any woman melt. Think Hector in Troy. In fact, practically every heroic character in any movie has this combination. It's probably a female biological instinct.

6. A romantic. -- I am somewhat cynical (blame my dad) of the capability of men to be so; hence this would be a bonus factor. It'd be nice to have a significant other who reminds you how much you're loved.

7. With regards to physical attributes - none too many. Just as long as the arms are veiny (so Lin insists) and taller. Bah. Which guy isn't taller than me? You'd be seriously hard put to find one. I'd say a better criteria would be one who wasn't too tall so I wouldn't have to shout to be heard.

So the list ends.

Anyway, finished Veronica Mars Season 2! And love the dialogue. And love my woobie, Logan.

Oh, did I say I was a kind soul this past saturday and helped clean store rooms at Pertapis? I should learn to clean my own space first. But those kids, man. They may live at an orphanage, but toys and clothes they do not lack. The public should seriously stop donating their junk to these kids. An excess of any one thing becomes useless. Too many clothes, too many silly toys.

Have a song stuck in my head. Sway by The Perishers, from the soundtrack of Veronica Mars. It's like a broken record in my brain.

Raya coming. But. Chem test coming. Lit essay deadline coming. LSM test coming! Math lab quiz coming. :S THERE IS NO ESCAPE.

Been neglecting blog completely. Hm. Been quite busy with a number of things, not all of them acceptable.

Was occupied with Iftar, initially, and will be again cause the budget report is due. With midterms (with which I wasn't happy). With going nuts over supernatural series at youtube.com (love dean, love dean, love dean :P). With Ramadhan in general. With getting worried over future upcoming tests. With school overall. But now that I've gotten myself to start writing (or blogging or penning) again, I realise I do miss the feeling of letting my thoughts flow and my fingers run over the keys. I have a secret love of seeing my words on screen. There lies my unshameful vanity.

Anyway, have to say that Eunice's recent recap of Lymond's Game of Kings on our train rides home has had my mind occupied over Lymond again. And I picked up Queen's Play to read the beginning. Thady boy is funny! I like. You know what I think Lymond fans should do? We should all unite and write to a big-name movie producer or movie director or scriptwriter and suggest they make a Lymond movie. Just the first volume will do. I just feel that the chronicles deserve more fame and appreciation. And it'd just be great to have it on the big screen.

Away from the going-ons in my head: went to Underwater Word with Lin today to use our free tickets. I think I like the crabs best. I think I like crabs a lot. My favourite is probably the fiddler crab which has one extra-big pincer and as a result, walks funny; or it could be the decorator crab, which piles pebbles, bits of gravel and whatever other crap onto its back in the name of camouflage. So ingenious and amusing at the same time. Muaha. And I like the dugong too, although we looked at it for less than a minute. And I touched a puffer fish and a bamboo shark. And there was this cute little Philippino kid who talked to us at the touch pool about how he forgot his name and he wanted to see Nemo's home, among other things. Adorable. And oh, I bought Steve! Muaha. Shall say what Steve is in the next entry or so.

Now I pause and wonder what else I should add to my entry. Should I actually bother writing, cryptically, what's truly bothering me, or should I forget about it? Hm. Maybe I should try being at least 80% transparent tonight.

I am worried that I'll be jobless when I get my degree, because I keep hearing horror stories of Life Science graduates ending up as biology teachers - which in itself isn't a bad thing! But if I had wanted to be a teacher, I would have rather taught lit. Granted, I'm not doing life science, but computational bio, but it doesn't make things easier. I'm still going to end up floundering around in the seemingly over-saturated life science industry. And it doesn't help that the other comp bio students in my year seem to be scary China and India scholars intent on doing nothing but studying all their NUS life. Which leaves me in the bottom rung of my major. Why do I always dump myself in impossible, energy-sapping, depression-inducing situations?

Also, feel suddenly weirded out by Kak Naz's serious urging for me to look for a significant-other now rather than later, when apparently, I quote her, I become too picky. The way I see it, I'm picky now. And besides, the idea is just appalling. You mean, I actually have to exert the effort and actually consciously pick out a choice? Like I'm shopping or something? Before what, good stock runs out? Just kill me and be done with it; that'd be much easier. I never was any good at shopping - it's an art I fail at, you hear? Besides, I have over-romantic notions in my head, (as a consequence of large doses of romance stories since as far back as ever), that such things are meant to happen naturally, out of the blue, in brick-falling-on-head fashion. Letting it happen otherwise would shatter my rose-tinted expectations. Yes, I am idealistic! Let me be! I swear, the real world just sucks big time. Because of it, I have to subject myself to torture.

Then again, I'm so blur, I wouldn't know a brick if one did hit me. I'd only hurl it back, and realise, only much later, in abject horror. Funny situation. But it's so painful, it doesn't bear thinking about, really.

Nice that am blogging again, but so does not solve tutorial situation. Gah.

Oh me gad. I didn't know Sami Yusof was big; he is big. I thought he was someone obscure. I mean, isn't that why nobody seems to know him? But apparently that's just Singapore and Asia. Apparently, there's a Beatle-sized phenomenon across Arabia, Turkey and now it's starting to creep into the Muslim communities in Europe and US. I can't believe I took this long to find out.

I am practically dying to watch his music videos. He is young and cool and smart and super-talented. And good looks too. Melt. Melt. Melt. See www.samiyusuf.com if you're interested.

Honestly, Muslims in Singapore can be so ignorant sometimes. Thank god we have people like Mudaris (who gave us Sami Yusof's cd in the first place) to keep us informed on the hot and hip happenings in faraway places.

I am the most karut girl, I think.

I dumped my phone into a mug of cold water and now it's dead. I was balancing too many things at once - my laptop, Elsie, a book, my phone and a mug of iced water - and there was a cg crisis and I scrambled and the phone plopped very nicely into the mug. It made a very nice plop sound too. I saw the light flicker and disappear and I had no time to do anything but gasp.

Then today, after the SS CA (which was okay. hand got tired but I could answer the question), Lin accompanied me to the musollah at science but when we got to the stairwell, I ended up not praying. Because it was so freaking dark! And so freaking scary! Hello, where are the damn lights?! But in retrospect, I should have braved it and prayed anyway cause get more pahala. Ah, so dumb.

And I had a very strange psycho thought today. As I was walking to the bus stop from home, I saw a cat sleeping on a bench, very nicely curled up, very, very adorable. Then, naturally, I thought of my adorable lamb, Elsie. Then I thought, "If this cat saw Elsie, would it think her edible; some creature meant for eating?" Then I had a scary vision of Elsie being mauled by the cat, its sharp teeth clamped over my poor lamb's cuddly neck, and me bawling my eyes out and chasing after the cat. And then I shuddered. And then I thought,"I'm insane to even think such things." I really sometimes wonder if I am.

Been clearing the favourites folder on my computer. It's a mad accumulation of stuff and random websites over the past year or so. I have websites about weird latin phrases and the mad monarch websites which has stories of lunatic-sounding rulers throughout history.

Iftar project is going relatively smoothly. So far. Of course, the budget I proposed was apallingly high, but then I expected them to chop it down anyway, so... hope that goes well.

Quite scared for Natural Heritage of Singapore CA. Have no idea what they could possibly ask. And have yet to finish reading the chapters. By the way, did you know you could kill the house crows and the pigeons and the mynas in Singapore without any penalty whatsoever??? You'd be helping the environment more by killing them because they're alien species and they're breeding too much and causing ecological imbalance. Our native birds have been displaced cause of them. Of course, you can't kill all birds. Just them and a few more specific kinds.

Had a photog gathering yesterday to say a little bit of farewell to Tsz San. What was most memorable to me about the whole thing was the fact that we had a discussion about cockroaches over ice cream. Colin was telling us about how he did a little bit of microsurgery for Bio Olympiad last time, and how they had to use their bare hands when cutting up the roach. Because, Colin claims, one cannot actually feel the roach properly if one wears gloves. You can imagine how horrified I was. Luckily I was done eating my apple crumble. And he talked a bit about how roaches have fat stores in their bodies - that's why roaches can survive for a couple of days even with their heads cut off. They just starve to death when their fat stores are used up. And the squish that you get when you crush a cockroach is because of those fat stores as well. Of course, we started laughing when we realised how insane it was discussing the disgusting creature over a meal. Mad.

After that, met up with Shen Onn for the last time before she flies off. Had a ridiculous time trying to photograph three of us together because we initially refused to ask someone to help us take the photo. There were a total of eleven tries before we got a shot with everyone's face of decent size and unchopped.

I can't wait for Ramadhan! Almost. I seriously think it's the best damn time of the year. There's this feeling of working towards a climax - Raya - and everyone's excited and planning. And we have the makciks comparing kuehs and dishes and ketupats. And people asking, "What colour you gonna wear this year?" And my insane family sahur (early morning meal before sunrise) - where my dad will essentially be deaf and say 'Hah?' to every word uttered, and depending on the general mood, causes annoyed grunts or hysterical laughter. And meeting up with extended family over the weekend to break fast together, which is always so superbly fun. And terawihs, which I think I get better at each year. Maybe I'll do twenty this time. And the nice feeling that my body is cleansed because I haven't consumed junk all day. And the nice anticipation of dusk while staring at the food in front of you - waiting for the moment when it's okay to sip that very appetizing-looking fruit juice - and realising that food never looks as good as that point in time.

Raya itself almost completely pales in comparison to Ramadhan.

I want to be normal. But not mediocre. What a horror. I'll kill myself thinking like this.

I want to be normal. I want to be like those girls who bake cookies and complain about how the oven conked out on them. I want to be the kind of girl who worries enough about their weight to actually lose some. I want to be the kind of girl who has numerous girlfriends and seem constantly happy. The kind of girl who's close to her mummy and is cheerful and the apple of her daddy's eye. A girl who actually knows how to shop. (Other than for books or vcds.) A girl who endeavours to make her room flawless and pretty. A girl who gushes about boys without feeling more than a tad bit bashful. How enviable. But not always.

Here I am, always going on about how depressing life is, more often than not. gah. Maybe it's because I feel like too much of an anomaly. But the weird thing is, sometimes, I relish that fact; that I am able to easily distinguish myself. So there you have it. A self-contradicting, ungrateful, indecisive psycho, I am.

Getting away from this, I just want to say that I have started to appreciate Singapore's natural scene - yes we have some. Went to Labrador Park to look at what's left of our rocky shore. And absolutely loved that 300m stretch of coast. Some weird seagrasses, some squishy things that shrink upon touch, crabs of various sizes, sea cockroaches and other numerous life. It's beautiful to know how much life there is in such a small place. Why do humans have to destroy so much?

Why are we given the capability to? So doomsday would come? Of our own doing; since we're destroying earth slowly and steadily? I think so. I mean, if God created all animals in nature so interdependent; to exist in an indisruptable, ecological balance (think beautiful food webs), why are we given the exception to violate that very rule? It seems that we were given the power of thought to rise above the animal level because God (or if you refuse to believe in an almighty, then, Nature), meant for the earth to be killed. We were allowed to learn to hunt, build, invent and kill more than any other animal is allowed to. If the point of this earth - its existence - was to sustain life, then humans wouldn't have been allowed to get this smart. The fact that we are smart enough to pollute and alter the face of the earth so much, shows that God had assigned the assasination of this world to us. This world is meant to end. Of course, I don't mean to endorse pollution and such; just because the destruction of the world is inevitable, doesn't mean we have to speed up the process. I'm just saying it's obvious something bigger is playing a hand in this world than mindless nature. Nature wouldn't have allowed the advent of humans. Nature would have carried on a ceaseless existence of peaceful flora and fauna; not suddenly dump destructive humans in the midst of every other creation. We were put here for a reason.

Wow. How did I digress so much.

I've been staring at the screen for ages, wondering what to put in this blog. What does that mean? That I have nothing to say? Or nothing to say to people who might read this? Or am I just sick of the idea of blogging already?

Maybe I'm just too lazy to put thoughts into words, especially when your thoughts are so muddled up all the time and it takes too much energy to distangle one from the other.

I shall be mundane.

The math and lit tutors aren't turning out as bad as I thought at first. They're nice people and they try to teach but it isn't their fault, I suppose, that they aren't that great at communication skills. Got a B- grade for the 15 minute essay assignment in lit tutorial which is way better that I expected, considering I wrote crap for the last 5 minutes and barely understood the poem. I'm still considering the S/U option. I'll see how the 700-word essay on Ozymandias fares. I think that, after being a pure science student for a long time, one loses the confidence of writing creative or reflective essays.

I must make myself busier. Because when you're busy, you focus on the task at hand, and have less time to reflect and think and be depressed or angry or confused. Ignorance is bliss.

I think I am somewhat incapable of disciplining myself within the confines of my home. Scratch that; not somewhat incapable, completely incapable. The freedom that I feel, especially with my laptop at hand and sitting on my comfy bed, always unfailingly makes me forget whatever few responsibilities I have. It's a strange thing: freedom in confinement. I am a walking contradiction. I go on about trying to get away and escaping and so on, and then I talk about freedom. I can't even begin to comprehend myself. Maybe here, I'm talking about freedom of mind.

Ugh, I have to stop.

Anyway, I wanted to blog about the fact that my sis and me found an account of our old attempt to make a crap movie called I Know What You Did Last Lebaran. I think it was about three years or so ago. And my video cam was still relatively a novelty. And we had this storyline planned out. It's hilarious just rereading it. I was to be the camerawoman of course and the editor. And the boys were going to act. And the setting was going to be in an Australian college abbreviated RJC (Am crying tears of mirth here. Roombawamba Junior College, with aboriginal origins, hence the name.). A group of boys were staying back in school instead of going home to their homelands to celebrate raya. Obviously, we then have a killer on the loose who starts murdering the boys to teach them a lesson (to remember their roots and not westernise themselves completely).

We had even planned names for our various characters! I was to do a cameo as a stall holder called Cik Leha (how she came to be selling kueh in Australia, I have no idea). My brother was to be the janitor of the school called Pakcik Kus; that old, wise character always present in urban legend movies who dispenses advice but initially arouses suspicion. Said was going to be the psycho kid - ridiculously named Asaad Kelada after the director of 'Who's The Boss?' - intent on teaching his friends the meaning of raya. He was going to go around killing his friends with spiky ketupats, and slash at them with green packets. And his trademark killing tactic was to be:

"Selamat Hari Raya!"

- K I L L -

"Maaf Zahir & Batin."

He was also to leave telling clues of trails of serunding and the smell of rendang at the scenes of his crimes. My sis and me were laughing our ass off. It's all so unbelievably hilarious. Hefni's character, Adam Muskat, was to be the first one killed off, being the most skeptical about the urban legend. And Hussein's character, Harun Stokin, and Saiful's, Nizam Dali, were to follow suit.

I wish we could have done it properly. I still hope we'll do something like it one day; if not this, something else. Hysterical fun it would be. We succeeded only once in making a movie called Misteri Bungalow Putih and a news broadcast which turned out hilarious as well. Damn. How come the old days always seem better.

Math tutorials are driving me nuts. Some of these tutors don't know the difference between tell and teach. Teaching does not mean saying the answer and staring at the student hoping to convey understanding simply through eye contact. I swear, feel like screaming almost. So far, best tutor is my organic chemistry module one. Very thorough. He doesn't have to have perfect English, but at least he communicates and one can tell he is attempting to make us understand. The math tutor simply gets on my nerves. She just flashes her crap transparencies and reads off what she writes. And assumes everyone gets her crap explanations. And when someone tries to ask her a question, she doesn't understand. So dumb dumb dumb.

I loved tonight's liqa'. My brain is still working overtime, thinking over stuff. Have found Harun Yahya's website and other links at www.harunyahya.com. Amazing. I'm starting to seriosuly question Darwinism. Was there ever irrefutable truth of evolution (and am not just referring to monkey-human transformation, but in everything)? Have scientists actually tried isolating some fruit flies in a different environment or something and observed the formation of a new species over time? Okay, fine, the selection pressure thing makes sense: you know the story; the pepper moth, which was previously prevalent, was the displaced by the black moth in polluted industralised places because the pepper moths became easily spotted by predators on the black polluted bark of trees. But that black moth ALWAYS existed before; they simply started to dominate. But it wasn't a new species, was it? Has there ever been a new species that was formed??? I should look around some more.

Anyway, got nice quotes.

There are three indications of a person's greatness: not complaining in the face of calamity, not groaning in the face of pain, and not praising oneself. ~ Abu Darda (whose maqam I went to in Egypt! It was in the middle of a road but they didn't bring the monument down but built their train tracks and roads around it.)

Narrated K’ab bin Malik: Allah’s Messenger said, “Two hungry wolves sent in the midst of a flock of sheep are not more destructive to them than a man’s greed for wealth and fame is to his religion.” ( At-Tirmidhi)

A person asked Allah’s Messenger (saas): “What is faith?” He said: “When a good deed becomes a source of pleasure for you and an evil deed becomes a source of disgust for you, then you are a believer.” He again said to Allah’s Messenger (saas): “What is a sin?” Whereupon he said: “When something pricks your conscience, give it up.” (Tirmidhi)

Idolatry is more hidden in my Ummah than the creeping of ants across a great smooth stone on a black night... (Tirmidhi)

Those who are most aware of death and prepare themselves for it, are the wisest of people. (Fiqh-us-Sunnah, Volume 4, Number 13)

The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman. (Muslim)

Been quite some time. 'Tis reminiscent of my old disease. That gives me comfort; I crave old times. The 'how-we-used-to-be-like's, as pigey calls it.

To summarise my life right now, I would say that I feel lost. I feel like am being buoyed around and have lost all my roots. In the sense that nothing feels the same anymore; nothing. Every shred of normalcy has - okay maybe not every, but a lot - has fled. Schedule has gone topsy turvy, what with going to campus sometimes in the afternoon and coming home near ten, and praying practically all five times in school. And being nowhere near my old friends and familiar faces. It is very nice to meet new, nice people but sometimes it gets tiring and depressing. Sometimes. Because acquaintances and good friends are miles apart in essence.

Which is why even going home with Eunice is a comfort too, because it feels... for lack of better word: normal.

Every day is so energy-sapping that I always have no brain power left to express myself here or anywhere else.

Haven't had the chance to sit down and blog this past week. Which is strange since, technically, time taken up by lectures is very minimal in comparison with all the gaps in my timetable. Most of my days will start off with a 10-12 lecture, then 4 hour break (save for a few 1-hour tutorials on some days) and then a 4-6 lecture. I don't mind it that much. The only problem I think is spending too much time travelling in one day, within and off campus. Wish I could teleport.

Discovered I like Spinelli ice-blended spins! Yay. At least that's something nice in the Frontier canteen.

Parents have gone on what-is-becoming-fast-an-annual honeymoon again. Freedom. Going out for dinner with Cik Dah.

Cracked up completely when Idol was on last night. Because my brother said that Joakim should kill himself. For staying so long in the competition and consequently feeling guilty he's taking up space. But really. His fans should do him a big favour and get him out of there.

This post is harrypotter-related.

I used to think the whole Cassie plagiarism debacle was always over-exaggerated and that some psychos were fussing over a few random quotes. But now that some people have worked hard to enlighten the rest of us, I know now the extent of the situation. She had copied and lifted exact chunks and chunks of work from so many books, stories and works and never bothered to cite them properly, the way they deserved to. And I used to love the quotes from Draco Trilogy, ignorant of the fact that the true sources were elsewhere. It truly makes me feel sick to the stomach. And the way I used to go on about parallels between Lymond and Draco, they probably were real too! The blind thing?

I feel utterly betrayed. Being a somewhat younger HP fan than her and a lot of other big-name-fans, there's a certain respect that us younger ones have for the aforementioned older ones. To learn of such things just shatters my whole idea of fandom; is there any integrity at all? First Ms Scribe, now the true colours of BNF Cassandra Claire has become crystal clear as well. HP fandom has become such an ugly place that I almost wish HP wasn't my favourite book series. If maybe I were a Star Wars freak or something. But of course, that is simply not possible.

I hope Cassie feels horrible now. She deserves to, for all the deceit. I almost feel like deleting all posts that had anything to do with her. There is no way I would want to buy her professionally published book, City of Bones, or even touch it with a ten-foot pole. I just feel so disgusted and conned. Even if the City of Bones is 100% original, I wouldn't care. I can't stand dishonest creeps.

Here's the link to the account of The Cassandra Claire Plagiarism Debacle.

Occasionally, this displaced feeling gets too overwhelming. And I'm back in my imagery, on that long stretch of road. Maybe some of us are meant to go at it alone. When will I get used to it? Will I ever?

Should at least say that I got my comp bio modules. And the email was obscurely hidden within my NUS email inbox. So pesky the whole situation is. However, I have these uncharacteristic excited feelings about going to school. I haven't felt that in a long time; the last time was probably when I was eight or something and I absolutely aced schoolwork and everything was chicken feet and I liked doing worksheets.

Just wish I could be super-duper proud of myself sometimes. Or at least know that I'm doing the best thing for myself.

I wonder when I'll stop blogging completely. How long will this carry on? Another few years? But I can't imagine not wanting to type somewhere anymore. Not that I hate my blog or anything. Just a thought.

Forgot to mention something important:

DT has been completed. [Spoilers ahead!] Well, it's not a slash ending, thank goodness, but I didn't think it was that great either. Yes, they ended up as the closest friends ever but I felt like there were loose ends... So, are those two boys going to depend on each other like that forever? Is that a good thing? The D/G part was pretty abrupt and begs explanation and further development. There was a nice funny part where a private love letter was in danger of being exposed during breakfast - that was hilarious; reminiscent of peanut-butter-out-of-the-window fiasco. I also felt like Blaise made an implausible 180 degree turn in personality or something, which I strangely dont mind. I think DT was at its best mid-DS and early-DV, when the sarcasm was top-notch and situations were ultra funny, and Hermione hadn't become that intolerable. Just glad it's over. Three years have been too long.

I meant to post earlier but somehow could not find the perfect time.

Perhaps it's because my brain is already overloaded with worry over freaking modules which haven't been allocated but are supposed to. I can't stand it. EMAIL ME ABOUT MODULE REGISTRATION ALREADY. I have ranted about this in almost every available space accessible to me. I am close to the end of my tethers. Everyone else is printing lecture notes from the work bin and here I am, clueless? Wow, this comes close to that up-there level of frustration. Give me a neck to strangle. I need release.

Had a brief nice time though during the weekend with retail therapy, as duck likes to call it. When to the best place to shop, of course: Malaysia. I think after an hour or so shopping, one should blindfold oneself to prevent extreme over-expenditure. Let your eyes roam and you'll just definitely find something irresistable. Also does not help situation when you get approximately 230 bucks for every 100. You just feel like throwing money left and right. Went to KotaRaya and City Square and had scrumptious lunch at Singgah Selalu, where we do singgah selalu.

Back to horrible school reality: I will give them till 12pm tmr afternoon before I throw an uncharacteristic tantrum. Or at least get really mad or something. Which I actually already am. Let me rephrase: I will give them till 12pm tmr before I take further action. Drastic ones.

I think it's always a freaky thing to discover that one's uncle or any other unprecedented relative has stumbled onto one's blog. Shudder.

Waiting for email of instructions for comp bio modules.

Woke up this morning with a hindi song in my head. I am so nuts. But I love learning languages, it is so incredibly fun and satisfying.

Should update about this: got comp bio! Finally. Of course, still have no idea how I'm supposed to bid for the required modules, and whether I have to or what. Confused.

I think poems are beautiful but elusive things. The first time I see a poem, I might not get it completely; I mean, I understand the gist and can comprehend the meaning of it. But I only truly appreciate a poem only perhaps years or months after I read it. It's when something happens in my own experience, and then I realise it resonates with the poem. Then a sort of incredible enlightenment falls on me, and I feel a connection with the poet - and go, "Oh my god. This is what so-and-so meant."

Computational biology results still not out. Sick of waiting.

Matriculation tomorrow. And still no sign of comp bio results. My life is just an accumulation of waiting time. Truly bothersome.

Shall demonstrate the extent of my clumsiness by recounting what happens when I eat. I was attempting to eat a cheeseburger last weekend. I was standing and fumbling with the wrapper, trying to remove the pickle which I hate, and... the top part of my burger, the bread, fell onto the floor, sauce side down. Nice. Luckily, I was at home, so I wiped up the sauce and proceeded to eat my burger. I trust the cleanliness of my home.

The other time, we were at City Plaza, where my family always goes to get the "best steak in the world". My dad had ordered some mee goreng which everyone was getting a taste of whilst waiting for the steak. And we had also ordered some bandung for drinks. I was helping my mum open a packet of chilli sauce and I tugged too hard and since luck wasn't around, I toppled my mum's glass of bandung. Bandung flooded the plate of mee goreng. And voila! Mee bandung. And we had to shift tables.

Another time was when Eunice and me were trying to settle our Gold Coast trip with Five Star Tours people and I was sipping a cup of caramel frappucino. The cup actually slipped from my hand and some ice blended coffee got onto the wall of the counter. I was frantically trying to wipe up the spilled coffee with some spare tissue. Fortunately, the staff members were busy doing work and didn't notice our frantic movements. I swear, my hands just fidget of their own accord.

My dad just came home and greeted my mum with a "Hello, Laling!" Honestly, my dad is incapable of open displays of affection, even within the house, and everything has to be veiled with a joke or distraction.

I think there are two kinds of old married couples: the kind that are so sweet and always lovey-dovey and you want to just sigh at them. Then there's the other kind that pretends they can't stand each other (and occasionally they really can't) and they bicker almost constantly but then it's clear they really do need each other and they are the only people who can put up with each other for so long. Both instances are sweet, but the latter is just entertaining. I mean, I sit in my car, and listen to them talk, and I can have a laugh. Really. I suppose there's a third kind where the couple just drifts apart in indifference. And conversations only happen out of necessity. That's scary. I don't know of that kind. And I guess there could be a fourth kind, where the couple hates each other but stay out of obligation to family and tradition. Okay, fine, there are more than two kinds.

Hate filling up all the stupid forms for matriculation. My arabic is progressing at snail's pace.

Movie rant. Spoilers (of quite old movies) ahead.

Tragic love stories should be banned. I can't stand it. Titanic, Romeo & Juliet, City of Angels, A Walk To Remember, Cold Mountain, and just now - Fanaa. It's frustrating. And for those more predictable stories, there comes a point somewhere in the middle when a death becomes obviously imminent and that's when I get really frustrated and start going, "No! No! No!" intermittently. At the end of the movie, I just feel horribly deflated, no matter how good the whole movie may be overall. Isn't it enough how terribly unromantic real life is?

I want fairytale endings, I can't help mself. I just want to indulge my romantic side at times and tragic endings simply don't go hand in hand with that. Oh yes, all the events that lead up to the death are romantic enough, but all that is spoiled when one or both of the lovers either drink poison, stab themselves, get shot by believe it or not, their own loved ones or albinos, get run down by trucks out of the blue or succumb to a disease. Let them be happy, hello.

Getting away from that: feel sad and wistful that my favourite on-screen heroes are getting old. The new ones just can't live up to the same standard. You know what they say about first loves, sigh.

Sami Yusof has the most gorgeous voice I have ever heard, ever. Mudaris gave me a cd of his songs (mostly about Rasulullah) which he got from God knows where and I absolutely fell in love with the sound of his voice. Way better than Jean-Baptiste Maunier from Les Choriste, and that's saying something!

Computational biology results still elusive. Gah. When will I get to know. I hate it when they take their own sweet time.

Finished Gold Coast video today! I think it helps to have two brains instead of one. Eunice was helping me. Usually, when I get frustrated with video-editing, I just give up and heck it and go watch tv or something. But today, the both of us sat down and battled it through and it got done in one day! I have never managed to do that for any other video except drama videos which had deadlines. Were almost banging our heads over the song selection but eventually settled on some Elvis, Five for Fighting and Simple Plan. Think this may be one of my favourite videos ever! Short and sweet and hilarious.

DT finishing within the next two weeks. It better!

Another quote from Wesley Stace's Misfortune:

Time is no healer. It scabs the wound until the injury is forgotten, but the infection festers, eating away, spreading.

I don't think that applies to all kinds of wounds. Some wounds heal with time and reflection and forgiveness. Only the ones that cut really deep stay stuck. Like that boy in Veronica Mars. Who was told by his mum that his dad had died when he was young only to discover years later that his dad had gone for a sex change and left them. Those kind of things scar you for life. Poor boy.

Does foreshadowing happen in real life too? I think maybe it does. Or maybe it's not rightfully called foreshadowing. It's like there's this knowledge of something hidden deep within you and occasionally you recognise it but then you dismiss it, and then when it comes out into the open, you felt like you knew it all along, only you tried to deny it all the while. And in retrospect, you were only kidding yourself for not confronting it then. Maybe it's better called self-deceit.

Oh, why do I allow myself to blather on?

Went to NUS to do x-ray and changed my mind again because of unbelievably long waiting list. This is getting truly unbearable. Also submitted comp bio application.

Put up a tagboard! yay.

Let me just say what has happened here.

I was meddling with the html and then accidentally clicked 'Save Template Changes' instead of 'Preview', so everything got messed up. So I was forced to find a new blogskin. And then found this green one. I think green looks really nice on the screen. Like my old butterfly one. Then! In the process of applying new blogskin, I lost my guestbook html code. -__- So now have to go back to bravenet to scout around for it or find a tagboard or something. In the meantime, this blog cannot receive comments. muaha.

On other things: went to NUS yesterday and spent a freaking four hours at Yusof Ishak House getting the medical check-up done, and I still haven't done the x-ray. Was there from 2pm to 6pm! There was an unbelievably long line of people at the door and up the steps. I even made friends with this girl who was queueing with me; all the waiting allowed for bonding time. Was so pissed when I went home. My whole day was wasted on the check-up. Got out of the house at 12.30pm and came back at 7pm. Ridiculous.

I am suddenly extremely frightened of the prospect of traveling on the train for at least 2 hours everyday. There has to be another way.

I hate the whole Siti-Datuk K thing! How could she? As though she doesn't have enough money already! So dumb dumb dumb. And don't kid me and say it's love. Ugh, puke. My respect for her has dropped, a lot.

Anyway, read off Mugglenet that Shyamalan might direct HP6 or HP7. The prospect of this excites me to no end. I've always loved Shyamalan's works. (Although Lady in the Water looks a bit dubious to me.) And he could have a whole new perspective to HP! It would be so cool.

I think all starbucks, coffeebean and other coffee-selling places worldwide need to send their staff for dictation courses. Since they insist on writing our names or initials on our cups, they have to get it right. And not turn Eunice into Unas, or turn me into Shaf. I almost wanted to laugh out loud when that happened yesterday. I clearly spelled out S-H-A-M, and still they got it wrong. I wonder how mutilated my name would become if I actually simply said Shamiah and left them to figure out how to spell it themselves. And they don't bother to ask when they don't know.

Got a lot of spanking new arabic books! Am very excited. An all around arabic dictionary I can't comprehend yet and 6 volumes of activity books. Wheee. Learning a language is so fun.

A lot of people think I'm someone very serious. Hm. I suppose I can be. I have this tendency to think depressive thoughts anyway; you know, 'the frivolity of life when we're all going to die anyhows!'. But most of the time, I think I just pretend to be serious. Lest the crappiness within breaks free and scares everyone within the vicinity. And blurness too. Life is such a masque, I say.

Meeting Jiawen and Mumu and Turk today!

Pirates 2 was disappointing, did I say?

First of all, in the spirit of family and friendship, I shall promote my cousin's beauty salon here. Visit www.harem.com.sg - spa, massage and beauty services exclusively for women. Jadi sape-sape yang pakai tudung, no worries. It's a maleproof place. There's a July promotion now, so grab your chances. Oh, they also appeared on Suria Segar recently. Prices are reasonable.

Gold Coast photos abound. This will be very random because I am too lazy to be chronological.

My favourite ride of all. Goes 85 km/h and about 270 degrees. Dreamworld.

Matrix exhibit at Movieworld. I tried to open the door but cannot.

Super-scary superman ride. Was practically flying. Note the 90 degrees incline.

My favourite polar bear picture! So cute right! It was doing routine exercises with the ball.

Beach. Surfers Paradise. Beautiful waves.

Another view of Surfers Paradise. Crowded with people on a Saturday.

Random psycho shot.

This was hilarious. On the last day in Gold Coast, we had ample time to kill, so we sat in Starbucks to read a little. Eunice bought our drinks. Apparently, the counter heard her say 'Unas', or maybe they thought she had to have some weird exotic name, being Asian and all, and couldn't conceive of the notion that her name was in fact Eunice. So there it is - Unas on a cup. Horrifying and amusing. Had a great laugh over it.

Here's my favourite picture. Credit goes to wonderful 10s timer that managed to get both of us with Surfers Paradise in the background.

Damn, I wish we were still there.

Past two weeks have provided an experience overload that will be memorable for a very long time. Gold Coast, then Reperio.

I was truly 100% happy in Gold Coast. And being the kind of person who usually finds trouble being happy, this means a lot. It was liberating; we could go back to the hotel anytime we wanted, do what we wanted, buy what we wanted. I also had an awesome time on the scary rides at the themeparks. Also had a great time chatting with Eunice about all sorts of things, from Paris Hilton to Adam and Eve to kookaburras that cost AUS$2.95 (which I think I should have bought). I still haven't uploaded photos to computer, but when I do, photos of roller coaster rides etc will be here.

A day after I came back from trip, went off for camp. I was already so tired from trip and I hadn't rested enough, but I went anyway. Reperio was extremely fun, and sweet too. There was a night walk that was super scary; pontianaks and pocongs trying to grab you or scream in your ears.And an amazing race from masjid to masjid (mostly). And a lot of cheering too. The sweet part comes from the grand finale event, which was an array of entertaining performances prepared for the freshies whilst having dinner ala kampung style. Was damn nice.

Now though, am so deadbeat tired, I'm drifting off into slumber every few words that I type.

Heartbroken.

Not just that France lost, but that Zidane headbutted Materazzi and got sent off from the last match he'll ever play. WHY WHY WHY did he do it??? What did that irritating Italian say? Bet it's something really horrible or racist. I didn't like Materazzi from the start. Uuuugh! Zidane, however, still rocks and is still the only sportsman I ever had such respect and love for. The French still love him.

President Jacques Chirac says:

"I would like to express all the respect that I have for a man who represents at the same time all the most beautiful values of sport, the greatest human qualities one can imagine, and who has honored French sport and, simply, France."

More about Gold Coast later.

Update. Wikipedia says this:

The game ended in a 1-1 draw and Italy won the championship after a penalty kick shootout. His team members later reported to French media that Zidane was reacting to a racial slur from Materazzi. The Italian side has catagorically denied that Materazzi had any role in the provocation of Zidane, but both the French coach and many other members of the media believed that Zidane had snapped due to Materazzi. Following the game, Zidane still was applauded as a hero in Paris and throughout France, and Materazzi was subsequently booed for the remaining portion of the game following Zidane's red card by the majority French crowd.

Hah! I knew it!

I can't believe this trip is happening, really. It feels truly surreal. I suppose when good things happen, you always second guess them, lest they're a dream or a big joke. Good things are hard to come by. Which makes them all the more wonderful when they do happen. (:

Have packed 85% of stuff - only the little things are left. I'm mostly worrying about my passport and how I'm either going to lose it, set it on fire, accidentally throw it into a bin or let it get stolen along with everything else. I have to stop imagining such scenarios, or else I won't be able to enjoy.

Have been sort of following the World Cup. My mum's throwing it all back in my face, saying how I used to hate football so much (I just get annoyed at how everybody goes overly nuts about it) and how unreasonable I was then. Well, it's not like I'm morphing into a full-blown fan. I'm just getting sucked into the whole competition. Zidane is amazing, I must say. I'm rooting for France, I think.

When I get back, will paste photos! Yayee.

Finally bought Philosopher's Stone today. And you say, "What kind of fan are you!" Embarassing, yes. I borrowed from a friend and read it once. And then I just never felt the need to buy it and reread cause everything felt so ingrained in my mind already. And the movie and fanfics reinforce knowledge of canon. So it's not like I forgot whatever happened in Book 1. Started reading, and I was right - I didn't forget.

Posting photos of very short KL trip. These are taken at cousin and roommate's house. Hope they don't mind, cause their place is so nice anyway.

The Japanese-style dining table - very cosy.

The nice blue sofa at the tv area, where Abang Dollah served root beer, and we ate nuts.

They decorate very nicely. Swords and chess pieces and black and white photos of themselves. Looking at a chessboard always makes me feel happy and tingly. (:

And Dunkin Donuts! Always have to buy those when in Malaysia. Why doesn't Singapore have them?

Done for now.

I have got to be the change! BE THE CHANGE. Someone needs to give me a kick to make me get moving.

Fandom is an ugly place.

My house is as noisy as hell at night. When we watch Singapore Idol, we barely hear what the poor soul is singing because every 3 seconds, someone has to comment on something! My dad will comment about how so-and-so is too fat, and then of course, I have to start my ranting about shallowness and superficiality (I can't help myself), and then my brother will insist we listen to the song. But 3 seconds later (give or take) my dad will say, 'This girl isn't bad looking what!' and all the females present would protest at my dad's lack of taste. Then we listen for a few seconds again. Then my mum starts bashing at some poor contestant and someone disagrees and an argument begins again. It just goes on and on! Kumar is right - that show is just full of crap.

I realise I haven't blogged properly for a long time. I haven't sat down and typed down what first comes to mind. All my entries are becoming increasingly detached and my fear is that I'm losing the ability to write at all. Maybe I should revive the good old days of chain-story-ing with the birds. Or maybe, I'm cooped up in the house so much these days, nothing interesting ever happens and consequently, my brain is turning into mush and glug and no coherent thought can shape itself nicely enough here.

Okay. Perhaps a remedy would be to tell a little story of my weekend away from home at the chalet or something. Or about the charity concert I went to.

Oh my god. My life is utter boringness. Boredom.

I keep feeling like something special or great or wonderful is supposed to happen but nothing is. I admit, the whole dream of wanting to go study somewhere very far away was the hope that it would be that something. Being more than boring old me. I remember something a friend said about how scary mediocrity is. And I understand now. Thinking about how I'm supposed to get a degree, work a stable job, get married, have kids and then die like everyone else gives me the shivers. I keep hoping for something more, and until I know what that is, I'll always feel a constant gnawing in my bones. And I won't ever feel truly happy and satisfied.

I was watching HP and the Sorcerer's Stone on dvd the other day (because I was so bored) and then the scene with the Mirror of Erised came on. You know how that mirror shows you your deepest desire and then Dumbledore tells Harry how man gains nothing from looking into the mirror and many have wasted their lives in front of it? I completely disagree with Dumbledore, or rather JKR, now. If I could just have one look in the mirror, I think it'd help me a lot. Cause I'd see what I truly want and then I can go get it. This being confused and unsure thing is getting just a tad bit too annoying, what's more, I only have one year left to blame it on adolescence.

What is it about guy-guy relationships that make such a compelling story? I mean, just look at Draco and Harry in DT, Francis and Richard in Lymond, and Ryan and Seth in The OC. Guy friendships are so interesting to watch. Life As We Know It is hinging on exactly that factor to rope in audience. Yesterday's show had an adorably cute ending, and hilarious too.

Cannot wait to take off from this place!

I can't help but cringe as I read my very old posts. Too jumpy and cheerful for my taste.

Anyway, was washing dishes last night and started talking to the ants. Spoke to them in arabic, telling them to go back to their homes. Ya ayuhan Naml, Udkuhlu fii masakinikum! Apparently, this line was spoken by one of God's Messengers, Nabi Sulaiman r.a., the one who could talk to animals, a long time ago. His army was passing and he warned the ants to stay away if they didn't want to get trampled on. My dad told me the aforementioned exact line and said that if one was to give that same order to the ants, they would listen, because the story of the ant and Nabi Sulaiman has been passed down through generations of ants.

So I did. But all the ants did was stop and listen and go about their work. Maybe I was saying it wrong. Maybe Singaporean ants speak malay. Or Chinese. Or maybe an animal language only the prophets know. Or maybe Singaporean ants don't know the story, seeing as how Nabi Sulaiman lived where? Middle East?

Anyway, my video editing is working again!

Slughorn's Christmas Party

"I don't think you should be an Auror, Harry," said Luna unexpectedly. Everybody looked at her. "The Aurors are part of the Rotfang Conspiracy, I thought everyone knew that. They're planning to bring down the Ministry of Magic from within using a combination of Dark Magic and gum disease." Harry inhaled half his mead up his nose as he started to laugh. Really, it had been worth bringing Luna just for this.

HBP, chapter 15 , www.artdungeon.net

I really like this scene in HBP. It's hilarious! Luna is mad. Slughorn looks like an escaped Chinese monk here, though. But Art Dungeon rocks nonetheless.

Anyway, watched yesterday's S'pore Idol results. Thank god D'Silva got in. She has one of the best voices so far. But Emilee Kang... not great, in my opinion. Nurul should have gotten it, she was second best after D'Silva. What got me frustrated last night was the wild card choices. Primero and Geraldine got in?! For the low but existent chance that someone who reads this might be offended, I better phrase this as nicely as I can. Those two, cannot sing! At all; beats me how they got this far. The judges gone deaf, maybe? On top of that, they're not likable. Good looks is not the only criteria for likability. One cannot be too full of oneself. One has to have a certain honesty that shines through. One cannot go around on stage with nose in the air acting as though one is already humungous superstar; in other words, one has to be humble. Those two just don't work for me. I thought that the only people who deserved the wild card round was Gayle, Jay and Nurul. And perhaps Norman. The rest of them couldn't sing, I thought. And why wasn't Roslan in??? He could sing! Did no one listen? This voting system is so unfair, really. It really is not a singing competition, it's an idol contest. I mean, just listen to Joakim - put aside his boyish good looks, endearing monkey dance moves and attractive personality, does he deserve to be singing there?

Off that pointless topic, I have to say that this wait for DV (my fanfiction obsession written by author extraordinaire, Cassandra Claire) to end is getting seriously unbearable. It's coming to three years, hello. Just end it already! She takes half a year to post one chapter. -_- I just badly want to know if Ginny's going to take the love potion so that she'll love Seamus and eliminate all chance of ever being with Draco. And I hate Hermione for giving her the love potion.

Going for the Angkor Hospital thing tonight and also paying remainder of cost for Gold Coast trip today. Yayee. Getting excited for the flight. Love SQ.

June reaching to an end already. Time moves too fast for anyone's good.

We bought a new tv this week. Nice Sharp LCD. Technology is money-sucking. It just makes you keep buying more and more supposedly more advanced items.

For Father's Day, gave dad an old Steven Seagal movie, chocolate and a koala bear key chain. My dad loves Steven Seagal; he watches them all, good or bad. And my dad makes a really good sleeping koala imitation. Gifts have to have significance, then they're fun, eh?

I think I'm beginning to have a problem with blogging. I can't seem to write about anything that's worthwhile anymore, because I can't help but think of all the possible exposure. It's suffocating, sometimes. But I want to keep blogging because I like my blog! But I don't want to keep blogging just for the sake of doing so and blog about crap. Oh hell, there aren't any rules to the contents of a blog, is there?

Watched Dil Chahta Hai for the second time with my brother (whose idea of studying is seemingly a brief flipping of pages of his book; very worrying) and am now looking for the songs. Quite honestly, life is mundane. I tutor and learn arabic and net surf and read Lymond and watch tv and clean the kitchen. Everyday, it's more or less like that. And I have Abang Mamad's wedding video to edit but my darling computer is being a jackass. The last time I fed the footage into the computer, the audio refused to function. I don't feel like trying again just yet.

I can't wait for my Gold Coast trip. Short it may be, I need to escape mundanity.

Damned by the church and condemned by the law: what possible capacity for fear can heart and head still find? Oime el cor, oime la testa... After five years of villainy, I promise you, I have the refinement of a cow-cabbage.
~ Lymond, Outlaw and Rebel

Rereading Game of Kings, as is obvious. :)

Shall post this little bit about woobies. Pretty hilarious, really.

A woobie (named for a child's security blanket) is that character you want to wrap in a blanket and feed soup to when he suffers so very beautifully. Woobification of a character is a curious, audience-driven phenomenon, divorced almost entirely from the character's canonical morality, as witnessed by the woobification of Lex Luthor on Smallville.

Heeeehe. Am guilty of that.

I just had the most short-lived trip ever. I think.

Left for Malaysia last Friday night, with all intentions of going all the way to Kelantan (stopping by KL for shopping) to visit family friend, Pakcik Mail, who got into a motorcycle accident recently. But my dad fell sick in KL and all plans were thrown out the window and we came back for Singapore after only a night. Think my dad's recovering already.

We did manage to shop at ever-beloved Petaling Street again. Where all manner of fake-but-pretty things are sold at mind-bogglingly low prices. My sister got a nice Billabong sling bag, I got a Christian Dior handbag and my brother got RayBan shades, a Polo shirt and a Lacoste shirt. You'd think we were the kids of some COE. Then we had nice food - nasi padang, then Nandos. And we got to see Abang Dollah who's studying at the Monash KL campus. He picked us up in his tiny Kancil car and we packed in like sardines. It was such a laugh. We also got to see his bachelor pad! He shares it with one other guy and, truly, I was awed.

It was a wonderful apartment, fantastically furnished. Very guy, but very nice and cosy. No drink cans stacked in the corner, no neglected laundry stack, no books or cds scattered around. It was utterly spick and span, and I can only dream of ever being that neat. Their dining table was a japanese-style glass tabletop with cushion seats; very pretty. The tv area was ultra cosy, with one single blue ottoman-like sofa ,and the tv was equipped with dvd player, playstation and stacks and stacks of dvds that I was practically salivating over. Granted, there weren't any chick flicks to add colour and flavour to the collection, but they had all the war movies that I liked, all stacked neatly in a row (Braveheart, Troy, Kingdom of Heaven etc) and some tv series called Oz, that I'm gonna check out soon. I could spend a long time there and not get bored. Their rooms were very personalized and again, neat, to the point of disbelief, really. I just don't get how people can be so tidy. Hah. But that's me.

Shall mention that Eunice has managed to get me hooked on Veronica Mars. Great series, to say the least.

It's been quite a long time. I wonder if the vulture's disease is seeping back in.

Update on my life: Going to NUS Science. Did not get the MOE thing or any other thing. Finally, I have both feet back on the ground (somewhat) and can stop dreaming.

Borrowed a stack of movies from video ezy last friday. Having a friend who works at a vcd shop has its perks, I tell you. Watched 'Revenge of the Sith', finally. And liked it. It was much, much better than 'Attack of the Clones'. Probably because I love the whole bordering-on-evil personality that Anakin possessed, until of course he transformed into Darth Vader. Which brings me to the subject of a good person. What is a good person? Someone who tries to be good, or someone who succeeds in being good? I like to think of Anakin as being good, but how can Darth Vader be good, you know? Or maybe there is just strength and weakness, and Anakin was weak. And all those too weak to resist the temptations of evil are evil. So the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and weakness guides you there.

I also absolutely adore Yoda, I always have. Small beings rock! :p The fighting is just so cool. Yoda fights are really awesome, I can squeal just thinking about it. And I have decided that light sabres are at the top of my list of favourite weapons. Actually, I think they're tied up there with swords. I love swords too.

Also watched Napolean Dynamite, which is a really, really weird movie. Plotless basically; the story just follows the life of this really psychotic guy called Napolean. He's weird, all his friends are weird, and the whole family is weird. He has this constant sleepy expression on his face and likes to draw mythical beasts and says every line in a sort of lazy tone. He's hilarious, actually.
His favourite animal is called a liger, which is half lion and half tiger and the best predator around, but it's different from tigon, which stinks real bad. Mad, I tell you.

It's time I said something, right?

So I didn't get into med. Like I wasn't already 80% expecting that. Disastrous interview and all what.

Not that I'm devastated. I mean, sure, disappointment. But mostly, a blankness. Now what? You know? I have to get more drive and ambition. Babbling I am.

Anyway, so I'm waiting for the MOE results (and even bout that, I'm unsure) and got NUS science, which I dont mind. One or the other.

Maybe I haven't found anything that I want badly enough. This is bad. I cannot let my life be a plateau! Cannot!

Okay, away from all this: having my last week at school. Just bought a whole lot of chocolate to give to the kids. Bought New World - starring Colin Farrell and Christian Bale in a Pocahontas story - at White Sands today. That mall is boring. No wonder Tampines is like a war zone on weekends. Century Square and Tampines Mall have everything Singaporeans need to have fun, so that's where they flock. Well, unless you want alcohol. X3 this weekend! And watched Da Vinci already. Liked the explanation of The Last Supper and the chalice-thingy in the Louvre. Nice visual aids that the book couldn't offer.

Bought Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything. I like the way he writes; he's funny, and likes to exaggerate or use analogies to get his point across. I think I think the way he does. Here's the first quote (a very long one) that I like, and it was in the introduction, so be forewarned about future quotes.

Consider the fact that for 3.8 billion years, a period of time older than Earth's mountains and rivers and oceans, every one of your forebears on both sides has been attractive enough to find a mate, healthy enough to reproduce, and sufficiently blessed by fate and circumstances to live long enough to do so. Not one of your pertinent ancestors was squashed, devoured, drowned, starved, stuck fast, untimely wounded or otherwise deflected from its life quest of delivering a tiny charge of genetic material to the right partner at the right moment to perpetuate the only possible sequence of hereditary combinations that could result - eventually, astoundingly, and all too briefly - in you.

That's something to remember when you think you're supremely unlucky.

Got lost in Simei today. Yes, Simei. One of the smallest housing areas on this island. Yes, with blur me, such things can happen. Because today was the much-looked-forward-to Roswell day with Jean, I took a taxi to her house. Apparently, Jalan Angin Laut is a huge place. The taxi went in a roundabout way and delivered me to the doorstep of 18 Jalan Angin Laut. But when I got off and stared at the house - my mind went blank. I did not remember it at all. It was not Jean's house, I knew it. And so I called her. And apparently, 18 Seabreeze Walk isn't the same as 18 Jln Angin Laut. -_________- That's a direct translation from Malay to English, okay. How was I to know? So walked and walked with directions over the phone to get to Jean's house. It was hilarious, really.

We ordered pizza and ate in front of the tv. Watched four episodes, with Jean complaining that the romance has been pushed into the background. She also keeps asking about what's going to happen and I give her exasperated you-seriously-want-me-to-tell-you? looks. And when the scene where Jason Behr takes his shirt off and shows off his extremely sculpted bod, Jean started to question me non-stop about which guy had 6 packs and which didn't. Oh God, Jean just cracks me up. It goes more or less something like this...

Jean: What about Michael? Does Michael have 6 packs?
Me (regretfully): No, he doesn't. But he's still cute lah.
Jean: When, when? When did you get to see? This season?
Me: Yes, this season.
Jean: You didn't see like any outline of the 6 packs?
Me: What! No. What outline!

~ Pause as we continue watching a little bit of the show again. Michael comes on screen. He falls on the floor due to alien weapon and we can see bit of his midriff. ~

Jean: Yeah, you can see he's quite fat under his shirt.
Me: What! What! He is not fat!
Jean: But he doesn't have 6 packs. Not a little bit eh. That's quite bad. Are you sure you didn't see any outline?
Me: What. Tsk. What. Just because someone doesn't have a 6 pack doesn't mean he's fat! I don't think my brother has a 6 pack but I think he's fit. He plays hockey. Does your brother have a 6 pack?
Jean: YES. A little bit at least.
Me: Well... But Michael is still okay. You don't have to have a 6 pack.
Jean: Yar... what makes him so...
Me: He is truly good-looking. And being so tall helps. Oh, there's Kyle. Does he have a 6 pack... okay he does.
Jean: Yar, you see. Max, he works out a lot, is it?
Me: Yes, I think he does. Those 6 packs... WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT 6 PACKS? Watch the show!

Madness. Jean - the person with whom such ridiculous conversations abound. Hilarious. I talk crap about boys when I'm with Jean. I laugh a lot when I'm around Eunice, mostly because her laugh is contagious. I roll my eyes and sigh a lot around the birds. I scream a lot when I'm with my sister. We scream at the littlest things. Just tonight we screamed when we found out Supernatural was playing on AXN. How lame, I know. And when we watch tv, we always manage to scream at the same parts. We screamed the house down when Taufik won S'pore Idol.

And of course, tonight, mum, sis and me all screamed when Chris got voted off Idol. LIKE WHAT?! He was the best. It was either him or Katherine. It was devastating.