Wahhh, this should be like compulsory consumption for me every day.

My favourite take-away from this is the 5-second rule from Mel Robbins:

which basically means counting down like a rocket (5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Move)

and then moving yourself into action instead of hesitating.

Apparently, why it works is that

doing this disrupts your autopilot habits and behaviours that is driven by your basal ganglia,

and diverts activity to your prefrontal cortex instead.

can't believe some people can still think like this

in our globalized world.

love yourself;

that's the theme of their next comeback,

and if you're at all clued in, there's been a series of 

short little sketches as a prelude.

ohmygoodness, I am so stunned at what happened at the end there. Did they just reference Spring Day -- the scene of the ocean comes into view just like in Spring Day's music video -- on top of Run and I Need You? And also Blood, Sweat and Tears? 😳  I am internally gasping at the connections. How are BigHit and BTS doing this??? And ohmygoodness, are all of the characters representations of Jin; are they all the same person?

I wish I had the time to pick this all apart.
As it is, because my brain has been elsewhere, I saw this later than most fans.



Why is it that the happiest of moments usher in sudden fear?

If we could turn back the clock, where should we go back to? 
Once we reach that place, can all our mistakes and errors be undone? 
Will happiness be ours to stay?

Though many seasons pass, 
there are places that cannot be reached
Yet another storm to be faced
and to be weathered head-on
Loving without fear
Hesitating and parting
Merely living as the person I am

Today, I had a session with Gee: my adorable, unicorn-loving, American-accented, high-functioning Asperger's child. After a rather chatty, hyper session, I walked back upstairs to send her back to her classmates... only to have her rapidly change from hyper and cheerful, to broken and in tears by the time we reached her classroom.

Teacher Sham, I will miss you! Tears were streaming down her face! and she was struggling between sobs.

My first clinical response was to model to her some emotional regulation, you know. So I spoke calmly and didn't match her increasingly agitated behaviour; I told her slowly and repeatedly, I would see her again next week, there's no need to cry. And to be honest, I was still half-analysing how much of her behaviour was attention-seeking rather than instinctive. But after a while, looking at her increasingly wet cheeks and hearing her sob whilst rummaging through her backpack for her naptime things, my heart couldn't tahan anymore. My little adorable darling.


How the world must be to you.

It's not an uncommon thing for persons on the autism spectrum to feel emotions in absolutes and swing from extreme sensations; you would think they had mood disorders the way they change in an instant (ohhh, wait, is that what happens when they're adults? they get diagnosed with other mental issues as well?) There's no in-between. One moment it's I'm sooo happy and excited, and the next, it's like the end of the world. And I was just reading today too, about Matt Savage who has autism and is a musical savant; and he'd said, "When I was a kid, I would throw temper tantrums, just when I couldn't deal with something. I would be positive and bouncy one (moment), and then just getting angry -- like not feeling disappointed, or frustrated, or even sad, just angry. Nothing in between. I didn't know how to feel some other kind of emotion. That was true of everything, whether I was feeling happy (or some other emotion), it would just be like, this is an eternity, this is wonderful, that was all I knew. (The idea that a mind or mood could change), that it's flexible and people can be subtle and not literal, that was the hardest part (of social interaction) for me." (From The Power of Different by Gail Saltz, M.D.)

Thinking about little Gee, and other special people like her, I wondered how it must be to be told how to feel. And that isn't the world strange, making everyone not just think the way we expect them to, but ensuring they feel the feelings we do as well. Why do we all grow up learning to fall into line about how we should think, and feel, and live our lives? Is that what life is all about, that we all learn to fall into the norm and live up to some set of expectations (who set them anyway)? Extremes like Gee suffer the most because they are apparently most disparate from the mean but don't the rest of us struggle to conform as well? Must we all suppress our inner states to appear placid and consistent on the surface?

I don't know. At moments like this, I wonder if this is how therapists should think; how can I supposedly fix her if I don't think she should be fixed? ohhh, fixed is a bad word. People are not to be fixed, are they? They are meant to be understood, and loved, and appreciated, and allowed to flourish. Sometimes... when I catch myself thinking like this, I realise that if I can't change the world or change even the systems big or small that I function in, I can change my own mindset and at least have a little idealism around me.

---

Speaking of emotions and emotional regulation, I've said, haven't I, that I'm an emotional junkie? I feed on emotionally-rich stories. I feel emotions intensely; and though my experience is probably nowhere near Gee's, I do feel an external pressure that I'm wrong for being so intense. That it's not normal, S. Would you just chill and be a little more normal.


I've realised just tonight that this year has had a rather sad dearth of dramas so far. It's already July, and no particular drama has properly captured my heart. And now, I'm recalling last year's excellent batch of kdramas, one of which was W -- which as I think on it, despite it's slightly disappointing end -- is really one of the best things ever to be made on TV.

It's calling me for a re-watch.

If nothing else serves after a while, even Poldark,

I probably will succumb.

I sometimes wonder how all those who do not write, compose, or paint can manage to escape the madness, the melancholia, the panic fear which is inherent in the human situation.

-- Graham Greene

I badly want to write but I can't because I have a pile of reports to get through, guhhh.

I will be back at a better time.

But oh yes, Happy National Day! What else is more Singaporean than being overworked, right?

I didn't update earlier how Running Man's cancellation was cancelled, haha -- apparently due to sheer force of will on Kim Jong Kook's part especially -- he'd persuaded all parties to reconsider and reconcile. So anyway, Running Man has been running but with a revamp since 2017 began: two new cast members who I thoroughly approve. They both meld nicely into the team's dynamic.

I wanted to post this episode only because the race portion at the end of the episode was a super exciting one that I haven't seen in a while on the show! And it is proven once again that Yoo Jae Suk is really one smart cookie, don't let his looks deceive you, haha. I forgot that this was what made Running Man so famous in the early days; a good chase plus mystery plus psychological mind tricks make a seriously awesome combination. The closest I ever came to that kind of excitement in real life were our endless games during SLP NUS days (god, I miss my class so bad) and one of the escape rooms I played with my colleagues once.

I finally watched Ex-Machina;

and as it is one of Christopher Nolan's, I was already anticipating stuff 

(this makes things less surprising in general for me -- 

cause I saw a few too many things coming), 

so it isn't one of my favourites.

Interstellar remains my most mind-bending favourite.

But because he has mind-bending dialogue littered here and there as well,

it was still good!

And this Jackson Pollock one got me.

I have long suspected this:

falling in love is an art too, 

and if you're questioning why too much,

you won't fall in love.

In a strange mood; feeling incredibly tired after such a packed day but refusing to sleep because I haven't had my dose of a book/story/show/song/video/something that satisfies me -- and this is what I am addicted to obviously. I am an adrenaline junkie of the emotional sort. Super exciting stories are what appear to be my drug, and right now, it's been somewhat a lull and I've been jumping around looking for quality content.

Okay, I should give up and strive for an improved lifestyle. I will retire soon, but here's what I'm reading now: a review of Game of Kings!


And this line from Lymond is hitting me tonight. It's lighting a fire inside my heart, in a good way. Alhamdulillah! To a future of striving and not giving up.

“I despised men who accepted their fate. I shaped mine twenty times and had it broken twenty times in my hands.”