Disturbances in LT2 continue. Though not as blatant as yesterday's. Why is it disturbing us??? Daisy people had no problem, apparently. Neither did dramafeste people. Maybe it's the fact that we're doing a play called mayat (corpse) and it's blasphemous and bad and so... memanggil. And some more we had the mayat prop, which seemed extremely realistic and they all had to play with it, and hang it backstage, in the dark. I mean... no wonder. And now, thank god, we've dismantled the thing.

Saw, out of the corner of my eye, this figure of a man wearing a white shirt, hovering somewhere near the seats at the top. When I went home, Yashira confirmed it with me. She saw it too. She saw it more; once she saw it at the bottom of the LT. Bad bad. Got more and more freaked out as I got home. Then Nadia took the photo which accidentally captured this weird unexplainable, weird orangey object. God knows what it is. Blah. Then had to come home and let my mum tell me more stories about ghosts (after I told her more about what happened) and my brother had to tell me how, after we played 'ghosts' during the day (I played Sadako, dressed in white and hair all over my face), there were weird noises outside his window at night. Which proves the theory of the mayat prop.

Anyway, am becoming really tired with all these rehearsals... But happier about drama now, because things are materialising and it's this friday and it all will be over soon. And Kak Naz is coming to watch! Quite unbelievable.

And am... gosh. Dont know what to think. Unfair, unfair. It's just so muddling me up. Rambling.

The freakiest thing happened during drama today. Something was playing with the lights and sounds when we were rehearsing. At first, we were simply irritated by the scratchy, breathy noises coming over the sound system. Someone even joked that some people were playing porn. Haha. We thought it was a prank... but soon enough, it became clear, that there was nobody, (nobody we could see that is), playing with the lights or microphones. The first time I started to really freak out was when the noise started again and I was suddenly struck by the memory of Umi telling me about how those things sound. It was exactly how she described the noises she heard in the night, during kampung times. @_@ I don't know... But from then, I just started to wonder. The sounds and lights started changing and flickering and disturbing us intermittently. And we screamed a bit. And Hadri attempted to read the 3 Quls, although he forgot how the last Qul went (Qul a'u zubira bil falaq...). Our practice kept being interrupted.

At one point, Matin alerted us all that he'd seen the door of the sound room open and close of its own accord. We all snapped our eyes to the top of the LT to look, and seconds later, the lights within the sound room went off, and immediately, the whole LT went pitch black as well. Everyone, or so it seemed to me, screamed! Then everyone started scrambling towards the doors; I ran out half laughing, half screaming. The fact that there were so many of us actually made it funny, but in all honesty, it's all... so strange. After that, we went back in slowly, and switched the lights back on... and after a while, the disturbances stopped.

Wow. I really don't know what it was... But how interesting. One thing's for sure. I won't be very comfortable being on my own in LT2 anymore. And no way am I going into the LT first tomorrow, as I normally do. Before this.

Oh my gosh, I can't wait. I can't wait to get there. Leaving on 6th. It's like the light at the end of this long tunnel of... confusion and depression and betrayal and stress. And will have to bring along all my study stuff because I won't have time when I come back... Taking Garuda flight in the afternoon, and am going to try doing chem in the plane. I think I won't want to come back here at all after going there.

Had taklimat at Masjid Darussalam today and suddenly the whole idea of being tetamu Allah finally sinked in. Indescribable, excited feeling. Although I think it supremely unfair that it's so hard for women to get the opportunity to step into Raudah in Masjid Nabawi. I really really really really want to. It's said to be a piece of heaven, here on earth.

Feel myself slipping once again. Feel like bursting into tears at the weirdest moments. I don't want to go around swiping at my eyes in public, dark or not. And everytime I actually get down to planning and doing work and attempting to finish my stuff, I get a throbbing headache. Life is freakingly unfair. I know I should be grateful, but still, sometimes, I feel like I should be entitled to moan a little. Some people have it so easy... it seems. Gah. I should stop this.

A week to drama. No words.

Was watching a moment ago, IMO, one of Indon's longest running drama series on Suria, Dia. My mum follows it diligently and occassionally I sit down and watch. As in tonight's instance, when O.C. decided to air at 11, and I decided I couldn't be bothered. There's this guy in the show called Eka, who every girl seems to want. It's nuts. Me and sis were laughing so much as we discussed this... (Am reminded of Lymond.) And Eka was so confused and surprised because his best friend just declared her love for him. She left to live somewhere far away shortly after the declaration of love. So sad. He's nice, smart, gracious, good-looking... But of course, as usual, he was so profoundly stupid (as most guys are) when it came to the 'new' girl flirting with him. (She asked him to teach her how to shoot basketballs through the hoops and he complied and he had to help hold her arms?! What.) Honestly.

Was sad that my tv night was largely spoiled by American Idol. I never liked the Idol shows much. Singapore Idol mattered more because, well, it's Singapore! So Carrie won. I thought Bo would, inferring from hearsay that is.

GP Paper done. I think the compre was especially bad for me. I could finish it... but I was never really sure when I answered the questions... So hard! Ugh. Did the philosophy essay question (Is philosophy any use?) since I was reading about philosophy this morning and Sophie's World as well. But I still wasn't happy with it... Mainly because of the conclusion. Normally, I can think of a rather smashing way to end off an essay, but today, I couldn't, although I had about five minutes to think about it! And I think my english was quite atrocious. I kept using the world 'life' and 'way' and 'form'. Must widen my vocab!

Pigey just showed me bradford university's biomedical courses... Sounds interesting! I think I don't mind researching cures and all that... I just don't think I'm all up for handling people's lives. Being a doctor is scary... and hard. Must think about it thoroughly before deciding... There's a course in Cancer Biology. That's intriguing.

It's sad that everytime I discover these things I fall back to reality and remember that I'm in Singapore, and to go study somewhere else, I have to be superb in my academic work. My testimonial has to be darn good so some nice soul out there can provide me the money to experience overseas education. Argh.

GP Common Test 2 today.

Been reading about philosophers on Wikipedia, and noticed that a lot of them were born in April! Hm... Read about David Hume, Thomas Reid, Immanuel Kant, Thomas Hobbes, Rene Descartes...

Hope I'll be able to write later... Feel tired already.

I read this somewhere. Couldn't resist pasting... Haha.

“Don’t underestimate the ability of stupid people in large groups.” –Unknown

I think I finally caught the virus that's been going around. Runny nose, itchy throat and mouth ulcers. Gah.

Am intermittently going into this mode : @_@. Because drama is in little more than a week. I am scared.

Oh, hey, Mr Chan did invite our class to his wedding! But it seems I won't be around. Will be going for umrah from 6th to 13th June. I need spiritual healing. Too much stress and distraction. Must get back on track. Realise I miss egypt so much.

I do the stupidest things. A lot of the times. Ugh. Why why why why why why. So dumb.

Anyway, have drama later. On this vesak day. Ah sigh. We do need the practice badly.

I am up there on the highest level of frustration.

Haven't you been so afraid to do something, because going either way, you take HUGE BLOODY RISKS, but then you can't just not do anything either because it'll drive you mad? How about thinking you know something but doubting yourself constantly? Peachy. I'm ready to claw my face into ribbons. The birdieocrats must be cringing now. As it is, I'm cursing intermittently, slapping my forehead every now and then, and just mentally torturing myself. Oh my god. I must be rational. a.r.g.h.

I wonder if a large part of the reason for my being quite reserved around people I don't know is my fear of being exposed as the nutso I am if I talk too much. Haha.

Went to Kak Shida's place for liqa' yesterday. Haven't seen Adel for some time now... So cuuute. He's so close to his grandfather that when Ami Ali had to go home, he wouldn't let go of Ami Ali's neck. So then they played cak-cak or peek-a-boo with the blanket. And Ami Ali dashed off home while Adel was waiting under the blankets. Even Adel, after waiting for so long for Ami Ali to appear again, realised something was amiss. Then he came out of the bedroom bawling for his grandfather. So kesian! Consequently, he had to be amused for a continuous 10 minutes to calm him down. Playing with the doorbell did the trick. And Abah likes to menyakat him. Haha.

Had Ami Ali answer my burning question, after some time now... And am satisfied with answer, although it has brought up more questions... Hm.

Watched Hashim play hockey today. Of course RJ won. But so poor things... the AC boys... Well, maybe I'm biased, seeing as how my brother's there. Or maybe I am such a sucker for underdogs. Hello people, why make it soooo easy for RJ to win??? Fight harder! It's like... everything's more or less a breeze for them. Hmph. What is wrong with the AC boys... they can't pass properly! Half the time they lose posession of the ball because some nut let the ball roll away from his stick or can't stop the ball. WHAT. I was so frustrated. Clearly, my loyalties are torn. Haha. Blood runs deeper than... school spirit? Heh.

I think I still wanted RJ to win, but I also wanted AC to make it hard for them. Haiyah. -_- But of course the RJ team is darn good. They have much talent. Really quite a lot of it.

I couldn't help it. I actually cheered when Hashim stole the ball from Iylia. Oh, blasphemous. Where is my Rafflesian spirit? And why does he have to come out ONLY in the last 15 minutes?!
Oh, sat next to Yus, and once, she shocked me by screaming out really, really loud for Jau. Haha. But apparently he never hears.

Oh and saw Sandhya who is in AC's girls' hockey team, and she expressed her shock at knowing that my brother is my brother. Couldn't find anything to say to her. Hm. Left for Tampines to meet Umi at optician's.

Oh, how hypocritical people can be. How fake. Thank god for true friends who are really true.

Blah. Why am I rambling? Being angsty I am. Speaking of which... I wanna watch Star Wars.

SPAs completely over. Yay.

Broke my promise: Borrowed War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells. Lucky it's a short story.

Feeling stressed over drama again. But I am comforted by the thought that whatever happens by 3rd June, disastrous or not, it will all be over and off my chest by then, and I can clear my mind.

Less than 3 weeks to drama. Freaking out.

There are not many halfway decent pictures of shamrocks out there... Hm. Apparently, there's some wrestler or some guy called Shamrock?! Ugh.

Feeling very tired these days. And tomorrow is nightmare day: GP Essay and Chem SPA, albeit the very last one ever.

Shall go study. I have to study. Must get that into my head.

After drama, I'll be free to just study.

Why is this entry becoming an accumulation of chopped up sentences. I have lost the ability to write. Blah.

You know how you think life is hard, and sometimes you think you get, really, the worst deal... Celebrate the fact that what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

By the way, I received my GP Essay that I wrote on moderation. The question was: "The secret of a happy life is moderation in all things." Discuss.

I was pretty disappointed. Barely touched 30 marks. Got 29.5 upon 50. But I disagree with Ms Lo! DISAGREE!!! I think what I wrote made sense! I think that people can still be happy following their passion because there's no such thing as not having the aptitude for a passionate pursuit! And naturally, you would be good at what you like! I mean, if you love football, wouldn't you exert all your energy and time in it that you'd be good at it? And if you're good at writing, it's because you like it, isn't it? And she still questioned about the aptitude thing even though I gave the Mary Shelley quote from Nikki's Frankenstein book: A mind of moderate capacity which closely pursued one study must infallibly arrive at great proficiency in that study.

Basically, my argument for the topic is that we should have moderation for some things in life, like food and wealth and spending money - to protect our well-being and health. But you shouldn't restrict yourself in the things you love to do, for the sake of moderation. How then will you ever become outstanding? I mean, Edison, for instance wasn't moderate in his research, was he? He made over a 1000 failed light bulbs before succeeding. If he'd decided to be moderate, he would have stopped at a 100 and decided to go do something else. And where would we be now? Using candles still?

Be moderate in all things and be a Jack of all trades but master of none.

I mean! Am trying to make a point here! Moderation restricts human potential. I really don't like moderation. In my perception, moderation quells passion. And I believe that life is all about passion. Be it for knowledge, love, or truth. And to have no passion, would be like existing, instead of living. And doesn't happiness come with having lived a life worth living, and not merely sustained an existence for a short lifespan of maybe 70 years?

Let's try to see it in a different way: If you're always moderate, and you take things in moderation, in a sense, you're protecting yourself from extreme disappointment or sadness. You're always at that safe emotional level. But doesn't life then become... somewhat stagnant? You don't drop low but neither do you reach the highs! And haven't you heard that to experience happiness and pleasure, you must know how pain feels first? How can one experience happiness if one is constantly at that same safe emotional level??? It seems it is reasonable to conclude that the prerequisite of happiness is its opposite: depression. So that just rips the whole moderation thing apart. BAH. I should have written that.

Phy SPA tmr! And after that only have one chem SPA left. Yaaaay.

A passage from The Queen's Fool.

The queen had to watch all this. The queen, worn thin to gauntness, with a flat belly, had to watch her younger sister summon the king by merely raising her plucked eyebrow. The queen had to watch the man she still passionately loved at another woman's beck and call, and that woman, Elizabeth, the unwanted sister who had stolen Mary's father, was now seducing her husband.

Queen Mary never showed a flicker of emotion. Not when she leaned from her chair and made a smiling remark to Philip and then realised that he had not even heard her, he was so absorbed in watching Elizabeth dance. Not when Elizabeth brought him a book she was reading and composed a Latin motto for the dedication, extempore before the whole court. Not when Elizabeth sang him a tune which she had written for him, not when Elizabeth challenged him to a race while out hunting, and the two of them outstripped the court and were missing for half an hour. Mary had all the dignity of her mother, Katherine of Aragorn, who had seen her own husband besotted by another woman for six long years and for the first three of them had sat on her throne and smiled at them both. Just as her mother had done, Mary smiled at Philip with love and understanding, and smiled at Elizabeth with courtesy; and only I, and the few people who really loved her, would have known that her heart was breaking.

I have vowed not to touch any novel or set my eyes on any fictional works till As are completely over. EXCEPT FOR Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince and OotP, which I will have to reread before I get HBP.

I HAVE TO START SERIOUS STUDYING.

Hari Raya Haji 2005. My mother's side. Three generations. Granny, mum and aunts, and me, sis and cousin.

I sound quite nuts in the last entry. Hm. What's new.

Eunice and Yu Jie have started Checkmate! Oh my gosh. So fast. It was less than a year ago when I was reading it. I took about three days I think.

I have also finished The Queen's Fool. I've been reading at the rate of a speeding bullet, it seems. I only bought the book last Thursday. And now I'm done. I love the story! I love Philippa Gregory's writing! It's not as deep as Dunnett's or as flowery, but there's something about the straightforwardness that gives a sense of closeness and easy empathy to the main character. And oh my goodness, the Queen Mary Tudor is such a poor thing (as portrayed in the book). She dies all alone in the world, misunderstood, sick with grief, her sister turned away from her and the whole of England rooting for the younger Princess Elizabeth. Oh, and the theme of Gregory's stories always seem to center on feminism and gender equality. Even in The Other Boleyn Girl and The Little House, it was about how a woman always seems restricted eventually because of her sex, more so in the past, but now as well. Which makes me wonder if male readers find it at all appealing.

Chem test tmr which I am as usual quite unprepared for. Oh, all these books will be the death of me.

Eunice has finished RC!!! OMG. And she's squealing. Absolutely understandable. The whole Languished locked in L part and everything that comes after. PRECIOUS. Gosh, I love Lymond. How can one not. Even if the whole series has been tedious, (but absolutely exciting!) THIS IS THE REWARD. What happens in Ringed Castle and after is just amazing. I was completely sucked in. The series is absolutely worth it. All those reviews I read before I actually embarked on the reading... they always said it was hard at first, what with all the random quotes and references... But it's all so worth it. I cannot even begin to describe the experience.

Shall quote Eunice's review of RC. HAHA. So amusing. And I empathise completely.

There are an incredible number of AARGH!!s and HAHAHAHAHA!!s in my notebook (her notebook for lymond) -- gives you an indication of the complete WRENCHING OF FEELINGS.

Yes. Wrenching of feelings is what it is.

Often, she writes such things:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!! AARGH! I -- AAAAAAARGH!! WORDS FAIL ME. THEY ALWAYS HAVE, BUT NOW ESPECIALLY SO. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH. Richard sent back the silver rose tree? (See Queen's Play, page 298 if you have forgotten.) WHY. WHY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH. AAAAAAAAAARGH!! I can only imagine how Lymond feels, and that would be 1/10000000000000000 of what he actually feels. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH. So SAD. AAAAAAAAAARGH.

Amusing. Extremely so.

For all you out there clueless to what I'm saying... I'm sorry. But Lymond is great! Absolutely a fantastic read. Something to occupy you for a good two years or so... Haha. So go read! (I feel like an advert. Authors should employ me to advertise their books. I seem quite good at this.)

And oh, have to add that I watched Opera Prime Time just now and it was dearest Jude Law! Omg. How gorgeous can a man get. If they EVER decide to make a Lymond movie, they have to let Jude Law play Lymond! Have to! And his natural hair colour is a gorgeous blonde that would be perfect for Lymond. And he's such a nice person too. But that's beside his perfect looks that would be perfect for Francis Crawford.

Goodness. I have to stop. Haha.

Happy sigh.

Oh, and this is my number 19 seal at the zoo! During the learning journey, we saw a seal and it had my register number. So... haha. Crappy.

My slice of cake from the birdieocrats.

I shall describe what I received from the birdieocrats.

A bag of things including... a lemon (haha) and frankincense (both have significance to lymond), a green towel, a '101 Things You Need To Know About Me' by DM (which includes No. 7 - I have a crush on Crabbe), A Nonsensical Story by Yu Jie, A Lovely Story by Eunice and Yu Jie (the whole leprechaun chain story thingy), two more literary works by Eunice, a stress ball, a bag of candy chosen because of its name: Midget Gems and a separate slice of chocolate cake. Oh, forgot to mention the tiny lego figurine of DM himself.

But I STILL dont know what R _ _ _M_ _ _ is.

Just gave umi her mother's day stuff, which we put together last minute. It was meant to be something more, but we didn't have time to put together what we planned. Ah sigh. As usual. There were some muffins and ice cream, and a box of potpourri and sweets. My brother, in his last minute attempt, gave a handdrawn card which is soooo cute! It said, "Thanks for keeping me in line..." and under it he drew a big mother duck holding a spatula (representing umi), a duckling with glasses and hugging a math book (me. an outdated one. haha. I dont mug math like I used to.), a duckling behind that one, holding a handphone and a sling bag (my sis who my brother claims is a minah. she isnt.) and the last duckling... lagging behind, with a football. (him.) SO CUUUTE!

I bought 'The Queen's Fool' by Philippa Gregory! I have decided that I really like her works. And her historical fiction is especially nice! So far, this book has been quite unputdownable like The Other Boleyn Girl was and I think I am becoming quite a master of 16th century Europe. I think I really am. Haha. From Lymond and now this! And oh my god, I really like John Dee! He's a genius. A scary genius.

Okay. I sohuld go and do bio. My brother and sister are studying and here I am not doing anything!