I've been slowly trying to get my room in order -- clearing old stuff, and old textbooks I now know I won't need -- like physics and C++, for instance. (I am still wondering how to successfully sell them off.) And I also happily found my old rubbish birthday surprise. This was one of the many elaborate birthday plans that we birds threw for each other. It's basically a bin filled to the brim with odes and poems and other knick-knacks. And I have to say, it's probably my favourite, because of how crazy it was and how I had to lug a rubbish bin all the way home on the train, much to the amusement of my silly, idiotic but lovable friends. I also had a laugh reading stuff like this (it's embarrassing, but what the heck, it's funny and this was so long ago):

Her hair, oh my Shammy's hair!
Under all the shampoo's care,
Silkier than the hide of a mare,
Smoother than the skin of a pear,
Such fine hair is indeed so rare,
And with the accessories she wears,
Standing in the sun's full glare,
Wonderful - my Shammy's hair.


Her voice, oh my Shammy's voice!
Melodious as dryads from the soil.
Differentiates her from her decoys,
Attracts to her both bees and boys.
Just add that to her nice old poise,
When sad, it causes eyes to moist.
No detractor will make a noise,
Whenever I praise my Shammy's voice.

Shammy is probably my least favourite nickname. In fact, have I ever liked it? Haha, I think it was probably the fact that I hated it that it stuck. -.- And now, when I think of how we keep lumping all our birthday celebrations at one time or simply demand wishlists from each other just to make things more convenient in terms of present-hunting -- it's just kinda, meh... sad. but oh well! Growing up means we have to work and be responsible and be sensible and do fewer silly things. Fewer silly things; not necessarily none. eheheheheh. (okay, you don't have to read into this, duck.)

---
spoilers! for How I Met Your Mother

I was watching random episodes of How I Met Your Mother, in which Robin had started dating a new dude called Don, and Ted and Barney started getting jealous and decided to attempt to break up the new couple. Only to have Robin confront them and plead, "You guys, please! What we have is real."

It made me go, "Heeeeehhhh." -_________- Why is it that we rarely ever think about what we mean when we say things.

What did Robin mean when she said it was real. Were Ted and her not real? Were Barney and her not real? And I am not arguing about this in defence of Barney or Ted; I'm just trying to point out what humans are unconsciously in search of in our lives i.e. something real. Like, you know, countless romantic movies especially, would have these characters becoming desperate or having epiphanies and going like, "This is real." or "What we have is real." or "She's the real thing." What do people mean when they say such things, right? I'm thinking... this real is something that lasts, something you can count on regardless, and something almost magical in its quality. Something you can't explain but leaves you in awe.

I was listening to a SHY lecture on the Arabic language in which it was expounded that Arabic is a language of revelation, and that learning the intricacies of the language would unveil the meanings of the elements in our lives. And wonders upon wonders, the word in Arabic that means real or true is haq which is derived from one of the names of God, Al-Haq. God is The Real. And that's how you know something is real or true -- if it's from God. In fact, the only reality is God. Like that poet who got a nod of approval from Rasulullah s.a.w. for saying, Isn't it that everything other than God is falsehood?

So that maybe, deep down in our souls, if we're willing to admit it, we're all in search of the real, the God.

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mate's purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life…”

~ Elizabeth Gilbert


Among other things, this reminded me of Jess and Rory from Gilmore Girls (although I don't watch this show, my sister does and therefore I know everything there is to know anyway. -.- I believe this is what happens when you live in the same room as your sister). The description here seems to fit them exactly. Seemingly meant for each other, but somehow don't end up together? :( Why like that one. So sad. It defeats the whole meaning of soul mate! If such a thing even exists. 

The Master said, "I suppose I should give up hope. I have yet to meet the man who is as fond of virtue as he is of beauty in women."

~ Book 15, Line 13, Confucius: The Analects

Confucius wanted to give up, I also want to give up. hahah.

I liked the Part 1 movie! And am already looking forward to a re-watch, and also Part 2.



Their acting has improved loads, I think. It really didn't bother me. Bonnie Wright who plays Ginny was still a bit stiff but even she was bordering on okay. And the storyline stayed pretty close to the book, making me pleasantly surprised. I think it's possibly the best adaptation so far. so a thumbs-up for David Yates!

---

Was listening to a Shaykh Hamza lecture where he quoted Edgar Allan Poe:

Lo! 'tis a gala night
Within the lonesome latter years!
An angel throng, bewinged, bedight
In veils, and drowned in tears,
Sit in a theatre, to see
A play of hopes and fears,
While the orchestra breathes fitfully
The music of the spheres.

Mimes, in the form of God on high,
Mutter and mumble low,
And hither and thither fly-
Mere puppets they, who come and go
At bidding of vast formless things
That shift the scenery to and fro,
Flapping from out their Condor wings
Invisible Woe!

That motley drama- oh, be sure
It shall not be forgot!
With its Phantom chased for evermore,
By a crowd that seize it not,
Through a circle that ever returneth in
To the self-same spot,
And much of Madness, and more of Sin,
And Horror the soul of the plot.

But see, amid the mimic rout
A crawling shape intrude!
A blood-red thing that writhes from out
The scenic solitude!
It writhes!- it writhes!- with mortal pangs
The mimes become its food,
And seraphs sob at vermin fangs
In human gore imbued.

Out- out are the lights- out all!
And, over each quivering form,
The curtain, a funeral pall,
Comes down with the rush of a storm,
While the angels, all pallid and wan,
Uprising, unveiling, affirm
That the play is the tragedy, "Man,"
And its hero the Conqueror Worm.

~ The Conqueror Worm by Edgar Allan Poe

Where basically he says that all humans are doing are living worthless brief lives - full of madness, sin and horror - then at the end of it all, our bodies are eaten up by worms. :S And angels cry for us. Hmmmmmm.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
Plato

I wish everyone would keep that in mind as they go through their daily lives.

Anyway, with reference to the drastic change in layout -- it was done mostly on impulse, although my sis has been complaining how the lack of a comment function on my blog is an annoyance and I decided to take heed. So, my guestbook still functions on the right, but comments for specific posts is also possible; either way. The photos of people above -- I have no intention of leaving that there indefinitely. I have this very abstract pretty idea in my head, to go with a very pretty quote that I think befits the outlook of my blog, but the creation of that image will take time, so what you now see is temporary in its stead. I shall ganbatte with all my elaborate creative projects.

And again -- happy eid! to my fellow muslims out there, that might be reading this. All my salam and love.

you know, these days, when I just feel sad or anxious or disappointed or frustrated and find myself pleading God, why do you make this so hard sometimes?, I think of the promise in the hereafter when the people enter heaven and will feel the utmost peace -- the peace they've yearned for all their worldly lives but never found -- that all their lips can utter is salam (which literally means peace) for a continuous three days. That day will come, right? InsyaAllah. Patience is a virtue, I am coming to understand that more and more.

And oh, Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha! :)

This was the little lamb I tried to chase on the Isle of Lewis, West of Scotland (if my memory serves me). I am still in the process of putting together my photo album, and being ultra ambitious because I'm editing some of the photos via picnik and it's taking seemingly a gazillion years. -.- But when they're done, I think I might put some of the edited versions here. Also, I will get to the random video footage Eunice and me recorded -- there were bits that we recorded while trudging along the roads of Kirkwall and also while hiking up the pretty hill in Ullapool. I'll get to them, I hope, before my course begins next year and I will pretty much be busy for the next 6 years. :O I cannot believe I just said that, but it's true. Never again will I have free time like I do now.

I just finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows for the second time. 

SPOILER warning for those who might care.

How is it that I did not spaz about this book enough the first time round??? Ohmygosh. <3 It was such an amazing read the second time, I simply do not understand why I don't recall being this much awed. Perhaps the first time, I rushed through the whole thing like a speeding bullet eager to know how it all would end that I missed the wonderful details that weave the HP world and its intricate plot together. And now, I see it -- oh, JKR, you literary genius, you. Now that I'm freaking 23 (yeow, just writing that number down looks unreal), I have realised that it's been getting harder for me to get absorbed in fiction. There just aren't that many stories that can truly suck me in anymore. And then I reread HP, and I think, HP can still suck me in, regardless of my age whaat. Ahah.

Okay, here are some parts I especially loved:

* When Ron and Hermione finally kiss, in the midst of the battle furor at Hogwarts:

"Hang on a moment!" said Ron sharply. "We've forgotten someone!"

"Who?" asked Hermione.

"The house-elves, they'll all be down in the kitchen, won't they?"

"You mean we ought to get them fighting?" asked Harry.

"No," said Ron seriously. "I mean we should tell them to get out. We don't want any more Dobbys, do we? We can't order them to die for us -"

There was a clatter as the Basilisk fangs cascaded out of Hermione's arms. Running at Ron, she flung them around his neck and kissed him full on the mouth. Ron threw away the fangs and broomstick he was holding and responded with such enthusiasm that he lifted Hermione off her feet.

"Is this the moment?" Harry asked weakly, and when nothing happened except that Ron and Hermione gripped each other still more firmly and swayed on the spot, he raised his voice. "OI! There's a war going on here!"

Haha! I love how very in character these two still are, even when they finally get together. And yes, if I were Hermione, I would kiss Ron too -- because how far has he come since the days of S.P.E.W. (for a moment I couldn't remember what it stood for, haha, that is, Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare)? The character development is just awesomeness, I cannot express it enough.

Like seriously. How much I love Neville too. How did he transform from the adorable, timid little boy with his toad to a hero slashing a snake with the Gryffindor sword? And I haven't even started on Harry. The quintessence of a hero -- all the heart and instinct to put others before himself. And just knowing deep down, what to do, when the most critical moment occurs. I mean, he's not as intelligent as Hermione or as wise as Lupin, but when it came down to the scary moment, he's just naturally leader. 

* And then the conversation with Dumbledore, in Harry's head, there were several bits that are definitely quotable:

"It is a curious thing, Harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who never sought it. Those who, like you, have leadership thrust upon them, and take up the mantle because they must, and find to their own surprise that they wear it well."

...

"You are the true master of death, because the true master does not seek to run away from Death. He accepts that he must die, and understands that there are far, far worse things in the living world than dying."

... And my favourite quote of all, possibly:

"Tell me one last thing," said Harry. "Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?"

Dumbledore beamed at him, and his voice sounded loud and strong in Harry's ears even though the bright mist was descending again, obscuring his figure.

"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"

* And because this rhymes, Peeves:

We did it, we bashed them, wee Potter's the One,

And Voldy's gone mouldy, so now let's have fun!

:)

Today I started randomly thinking about whether it is wrong to want things. And then I felt strange to have even thought in such a manner, haha.  Because I felt like all I was doing was praying for me to have things or to succeed in things and it feels... selfish. :( Who says I deserve any of the wonderful things that I've already had in my life anyway? And still I want some more? D: I feel disgusted.

Nowadays, I tend to accompany my prayers with If it please You, because I don't want to feel like an ungrateful wretched thing. D:

Also, I saw this nice quote from the APEX mentor comments card -- that made me feel a little better.

Seek knowledge, because seeking it for the sake of Allah is worship. And knowing it makes you more God-fearing; and searching for it is jihad, teaching it to those who do not know is charity, reviewing and learning it more is like tasbeeh.

~ Sheikh Ibn Taymiyyah rahimahullah

Today was a wonderful day (it was sayyidat liqa' at our place -- food and company were awesome as usual) and tonight was an interesting night. Met up with Eunice and her cousin Michelle, who was nice enough to give me tips on speech therapy, being all the-expert, and offering to mentor me somewhat. I ended up feeling a mixture of nervousness and hope at the same time. I don't know; weird combination -- but I am determined to remain genki about this. ganbarimasu!

Aside from the mildly-serious aspect of that dinner appointment, Eunice (thank YOU) spoke of this blog that has a dude called Mark, reading Harry Potter for the first time and reviewing every chapter as he goes along. I checked out the place, and he is one funny guy, really. I love his over-dramatic responses! Makes me laugh like nothing has in a while (because of dearth of JE and Arashi videos ever since youtube and JE started collaboratively preventing fans from sharing JE love, the idiots -- but I digress). And the most awesome, awesome, awesome thing about this -- he basically documents his fall into being an HP fan and it's making me nostalgic and giddy and like god this is why I love HP don't you see. It is pretty much impossible not to like HP, and people should go take a look at this blog if they truly want to have an idea what the big deal about Harry is. The movie does the story very, very, very, very little justice.

My love affair with this book continues. I tried to find something to hate or mock or take the piss out of in this chapter. It was incredibly hard. Why is this? I wondered if my exposure to such a garbage series for 8-9 months of my life (i.e. Twilight) made everything else seem that much better. But this shit is pretty magical and I'm 26 years old. I don't know if you're aware, but that basically makes me a senior citizen on the Internet.

And here, he is only five chapters into the first book, okay. awesommeeezzz. 

Someone should do this for Lymond too.

Because Deathly Hallows is coming! :)

Side note: Emma Watson seriously makes me shudder. Just -- everything about her is wrong; she isn't Hermione. It's possibly worse than Daniel Radcliffe's Harry. I mean, seriously. -.- Would she stop leaning on Harry like that??? I swear, in my readings of the books, never have I ever imagined Hermione doing that. (I mean, fanfics that I read don't even make her out to be so.) Talk about a distorted interpretation of a character. She isn't a touch-feely girl in the first place, is she??? If she was, you think she'd end up being friends with those two boys??? She hugs the boys usually because they're about to die or stg or because she can't hold herself back and is about to burst into tears. That's the adorable Hermione in the books -- the girl with so much brain, people think she doesn't have a heart.

I try, I really try, to get past being nitpicky so that I can actually enjoy the movies. But sometimes. The travesty.

I shall endeavour to climb out of this blogging rut. Which is in truth a dip in spirits, the source of which might lie in all this worrying about schooling again and the lack of money and whether I'm doing the right thing. That's always the ultimate question bugging me, whatever the situation -- is this the right thing? the best thing? the absolute 100% correct answer? I blame all of this on remnants of RGS upbringing -- the perfectionist, we-must-be-excellent-or-die attitude that refuses to consider that yes, whatever our choices, there will always be possibility of failure, and that it is all right, girl, it's all right nonetheless.

And all this doubt, maybe it's syaitan right. Because my religion tells me that once you've chosen a path, to pursue it with trust in The Almighty. And Satan's constant evil is to plant seeds of doubt in out hearts; doubt your choices, doubt yourself, doubt your God.

A'uzubillahiminashaitanirajjim!

Hahh. :P

----

I watched The Social Network with my aunt earlier in the week, and really liked it. It's one of my favourite kinds of movies because it's about insanely intelligent people wow-ing us with their super-power incomprehensible skills, haha. Kinda like Good Will Hunting, which is one of my faves of all time. The dialogue was witty and quick, and I don't know how true the story is, but it is fun to find out how this Mark Zuckerberg dude came up with the idea of the facebook wall etc etc.

Somewhere near the beginning when he was doing the coding and working his computer in Sonic speed, I felt like a pang of... nostalgia, perhaps? Haha. First of all, it was thrilling to kind of get what half of what he was trying to do, you know -- with the PERL script looping and accessing the servers and whatnot. And secondly, it reminded me of well, comp bio, and how at one point, I really really wanted to learn to code like a pro. I'm still keeping that option open because anyone is free to learn anything right and someday I might want to relearn for fun, who knows. Thirdly, I am establishing what I have always secretly harboured: that computers are cool and so are the guys who get all those programming-Linux-server-stuff and can accomplish computing miracles. I think the idea of computer nerds is slowly fading; if it hasn't already.

Away from all that, I was also thinking -- if there are such geniuses in this world, why isn't the world a better place? I think the majority of intellectual energy is directed to the wrong purposes; and if we'd just have a little more morality and spirituality and like, real deep thinking, we'd have fewer wars and more peace. but oh, that's me and my bubble of idealism.

stress. :((( It exists even when logically you think it shouldn't. Why are emotions so inexplicable.

I think I have been hit by a serious case of blogger's block -- haha. As in I cannot seem to blog right. Like I want to or think I want to, but then somehow, I don't or can't. And instead, I paste links, to cover up my lethargy.

What's up with this dip in energy. It's not like I'm really doing anything. Ah, maybe that's the problem.

: OOO

On a random note, I think it's time to reread Deathly Hallows.