Eid Mubarak! <3

My favourite line from today was Tok Mail asking me what I was doing now, and I said, "Oh, I decided to do a Master's course..." And he was like, "Oh... bagus, bagus. Take your time. First Degree, then Masters, and then, Mister!" HAHA. Because I was totally expecting him to say Ph. D or something, I was like, "Eh?" and then I burst out laughing.

Nekmah also, when it was the hugging and the saying goodbyes part, she was like, "Nekmah doakan dapat boypren yang beriman eh... Tak lawa takpe, iman dulu." Haha, aduuuhhh. It's not fair how the boys don't get this type of pressure. I just hope that at the end of the day, I don't get mixed up about trying to please others and pleasing myself and pleasing God.

O Allah! Fill my heart with light, and my grave with light; place light in front of me, and light behind me; place light on my right and light on my left; place light above me and light below me; place light in my ears and light in my eyes, and light in my hair and my skin and my flesh and my blood and my bones. O Allah, increase my light, give me such light that it is worth all of what I have said and a light that will encompass everything I could not say.

AKIRA! I miss you so.

Yes, maybe it is the lack of calcium, haha.

Home alone and procrastinating.... Nooooooooo.

I love Jdramas. They're so... thematic. Maybe that's it. Like they're always built on a nice, heartwarming moral or concept, and then they manage to layer that so prettily with relatable characters and the crazy Jap brand of crack. Some Jdramas make me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

I am also suddenly digging up Perfume songs on youtube. O.O I wonder at the brainless nature of this pursuit and why I'm doing it at all. Maybe it's the mind-blanking nature of it that is so therapeutic.


Verily, I am fasting. Then cannot meleleh like this, right! We should not meleleh at all, but !!! especially now.

I like this! in relation to the previous post:

I am in one of those nostalgic moods and reading some old stuff; like this poem that I saved from Jiawen's old LJ layout. <3

It's the heart, afraid of breaking, 
That never learns to dance. 
It's the dream, afraid of waking, 
That never takes a chance. 
It's the one who won't be taken, 
Who cannot seem to give. 
And the soul, afraid of dyin', 
That never learns to live.

I think that as I grow older, I realise more and more how strange life is. I don't have the energy right now to tease apart the reasons why I think so, but I really think it is strange. Hmmm. How, for instance, our younger versions agonize over things that wouldn't matter 10 years down the road, say. We so often get stuck in moments in time and forget to look at the big picture, and if we would only just step back a bit more... I think that if I live to 90 (like my awesome granny!) and my brain can still function lucidly, I'd probably reflect back on the younger versions of myself and laugh and laugh. But I also hope that I'd feel proud of my younger self; that with what little knowledge I had, I tried my best. And I hope the climb up doesn't stop.

I'm reminded of something I read about the concept of happiness. There's the happy you feel in the moment; the kind where you're having an enjoyable time with friends and family or watching a wonderful movie or being tickled by a friend's joke. Then there's the other kind of necessary happy; the kind where you look back on your life and you love yourself. I think it's probably related to Aristotle's concept of happiness; which is virtue and excellence. That you've lived your life by some sort of system. The Islamic concept too, of course. Which is that happiness is success in the afterlife; that yes, you can feel happy in this world, but you don't attain happiness until it's all over. It's an intriguing distinction.

Coming down with a horrible cold. Kenit sister passed on her overseas germs to me. :( Cubaan.

I have to do a sharing thing this coming week at APEX. :s I don't want to become a kancheong little spider, but I am already fretting.

Shaykh Abdal Hakim Murad on Gluttony, Fasting and Eating Less.



I try to be rational, but I don't know if it's working.

---

Ehehhh, this piece is cute and all too true for me:

Why do twentysomethings always feel so old?

I think the reason why twentysomethings are so fixated on age is because we feel a pressure to be a certain way at 23, at 25, at 29. There are all of these invisible deadlines with our careers and with love and drinking and drugs. I can’t do coke at 25. I need to be in a LTR at 27. I can’t vomit from drinking at 26. I just can’t! We feel so much guilt for essentially acting our age and making mistakes. We’re obsessed with this idea of being domesticated and having our shit together. It’s kind of sad actually because I don’t think we ever fully get a chance to enjoy our youth. We’re so concerned about doing things “the right way” that we lose any sense of pleasure in doing things the wrong way. Youth may be truly wasted on the young.


For instance, the fact that I've been at APEX for 4 years makes me feel so freaking ancient. (And was the excuse to sabo me for tazkirah sessions -- "You've been here 4 years you know!" haiyoh.) And new mentors seem to get younger and younger. Everytime I chat up a new member and we're like, "Oh, what are you doing now?" or "Where are you studying now?", and GOD, they are so kenit, and I brace myself when I have to explain that my goodness, I technically already have a degree. And I have said, "I am far, far older than you..." to more than a couple of juniors.


Except that... not really right! I'm not that much older. It's just this skewed perception. Maybe.


Age is relative. The definition of "old" is always just a year away from where you are now. The definition of "young" is the falsely remembered ability to do things you can't/don't want to do any more. 

Ramadhan Mubarak! (:

I meant to put this up earlier of course, but non-cyber life had me busy. Ramadhan already here, and I've been trying to keep up my energy level.

My kenit sister who came back from one of those helping-other-people-overesas-ventures is being emo because she is apparently just learning about the world, and how fortunate she is, and we are as a family. And being the wise big sister I am, I say, Only now you know ah. -.- Haha. But seriously. You don't realise these things until you see things and feel things and finally perceive the miraculous circumstance of your blessed situation. I say, just say, Alhamdulillah and help who you can.