Friday, June 29, 2007

oh my goodness. why are daddies so irritating!!! They aren't as agonizing as mothers but fathers can be just...!!! Suffocating. And deliberately irritable.

oh man. I promised to be fluffy! ok, shall stop grumbling.

By the way, is it just me or do you also think that some songs that are playing on the radio today are just drop-dead-WRONG? For instance, Avril Lavigne's Girlfriend. The song's all about some girl trying to steal some other girl's boyfriend, and being outrightly mean and bitchy about it. And the music video illustrates this very vividly. (The poor bespectacled girlfriend, I tell you. So poor thing.)

What is this crap! Oh sure, the music's all catchy and bouncy: hey hey you you! But hello! Look at the meaning! You're encouraging girls to be bitches, okay. Stupid, empty-vesseled thirteen year olds listening to 98.7 would all be swayed to bitchiness.

I'm being extreme. OH sure... it's just a song. But I tell you, it always begins with a just. And then eventually it becomes okay.

Also pussycatdoll's Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Same bitch promotion. And oh yes, 50 cent is another story altogether. Lyrics disgusting beyond measure.

I cleaned my drawer today! Yes! Tiny steps to success.
I am rereading old birdieocracy LJ posts and I am laughing so hard! I love reading what we write. There's always something to laugh about. It's making me crave outings! I absolutely insist on meeting up again. BANANA CAKE PLEASE!

(Yes, I know I've been shouting for a banana cake everywhere. It means I really want it, Duckie.)

Thursday, June 28, 2007







Met up with Sowmya, Jani and Jean today! We sat in Swensens (no other place on earth for us, apparently) from 1.30 to near 6, just chatting. We were talking about everything we could recall of JC life: Kadir and his "Don't be so happy ah! Minus 20 marks and then you see your grade!", crying over horrid prelim grades, how Jani has gotten prettier, how Jean is still the same, leaving her belongings everywhere. Haha. And how half the world seemed to have a crush on clement. So funny. And the white slip and blue slip and... pink slip? Was there a pink one??? Hahaha. And wondering where and what everyone is doing now.

It's come to the point where I actually think, hey, JC was actually fun. HAH. What a joke. I bet if I were to travel back in time and tell my past self, "Enjoy now. Now is fun!", poor, stressed, 18-year-old me would slap future-me for being a liar.

But okay, I grant there were some good times despite stupid As.

I am going to try something. I shall stop being angsty. I will! I will not be angsty anymore. At least not here. From now on, I shall be completely fluffy!


I realise I don't have a full bird photo on my blog so far. How sad is that. Anyway, this is from last week, when we exchanged souvenirs and feasted on each other's photo albums. And discussion of upcoming major event. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I am appalled! haha.

(The ensuing conversation is appx. 80% accurate.)

Eunice: Am I the only one who cares that this is the last book?
Me and Yujie: *exasperated sighs*
Me: Do you not get that I can't camp over?
Eunice: WWWWWWHHHHHHYYYYY. Borders is open 24 hours. This is our last chance okay, OUR LAST CHANCE.
Me: My mum won't let me lah, okay! It's like staying... on a roadside! It's in public! There's no question about it, I can't.
Eunice: *sulk* You stayed in the US...
Me: US is a country. Borders is not a country.
Eunice: ...
Me: Yu Jie, what time should we be there?
Yu Jie: 6 o'clock?
Eunice: No, 5.30! It'll be too late, okay. The queue will be long and outside the store by then!
Yu Jie: What! Do you know what time we have to wake up to get to Orchard?
Me: What, this is Singapore lah! Not the US. People are not so crazy. The queue won't be that long.
Eunice: Yar, why are people not so crazy here? *wheedle*
Me: All the better for crazy people like us. No, all the better for crazy people like you!

muaha. I think Turk's utter crazy devotion to HP is totally unwaning. I mean, I love HP to pieces too, but the fanatism that consumed me back when I was 13 has slipped a couple of notches. I don't hyperventilate so much anymore. haha.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

I am having an I-hate-my-blog day.

Anyway. Today, I confirmed-plus-chopped for myself that the world is a small place and that the malay community of singapore is an extremely small, and extremely tiny, group of people on earth.

Because I went to Lin's aunt's house today (to borrow their fax machine for dreadful marketing work) and the moment the aunt laid eyes on me, she was like, "You're Razak's daughter, right?" I tried not to goggle at her as I assented to her question, because quite honestly, my mind was rattled. I was thinking, "SHIT! My mum has been right all along! I do look like a female version of my dad!" It turned out, however, that she had seen me in RJ's dwidarma near two years back. And she had bumped into my parents on the way out. They were all old poly friends. (I tell you, if us malay kids were to put our parents all in one place, they'd all embrace each other as old schoolmates or stg.)

Cik Siti, Lin's aunt, was all like, "You were the one with the pink polka dot baju, right!" And I, I don't know why exactly, I wanted to sink into my chair and disappear. I just find it so mortifyingly embarassing to be remembered as that air-head with the stupid pink polka-dotted rug. I hated that stupid rug the whole while I was gripping it, by the way.

The more I think about it, the more mortified I am at how much crap I did on that stage back in RJ. My, my.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

It's 1 am and a storm is raging outside. It doesn't sound like normal rain or a normal heavy shower. It sounds like big pails of water are being repeatedly thrown against the windows. Strangely enough, I don't feel inclined to fear at all. Although I expect myself to. It's one of those nights for me.

One of those nights when all my usual amusements fail to entertain and I'm restless and listless, nothing can divert me, and all I want is to appease this dissatisfaction I know I shouldn't feel.

I pause here, because I'm wondering if what I let myself ramble will slowly but surely wander into the realms of "private" rather than "public".

But I don't want to have to hide things like I always do. I think part of the reason I hide things so much is because I try to appear as perfect as I can. As untouchable as... or something. I don't know. It's head-pounding to think of these things.

Maybe I try too hard. And the point is perhaps, not to fuss over whether I've achieved all the minutiae of perfection, but rather, that I try. And that's good enough?

It's getting very clear, isn't it, that I'm a crazed perfectionist, and it's making me miserable. Somebody help me. And when one thing falls apart, I just let everything else fall apart too, because what's the point when you can't have everything right as a whole? I'd rather start over, wouldn't you?

Yes, yes, but this is life and reality. Not a game. And I should salvage whatever I have and be grateful. Because who knows, the end product might turn out beautiful anyway? Maybe. Besides. I have been going on and on about how the most amazing things happen out of the blue. Ah yes. I do have some optimism in me. I am not hopeless after all.

Well. That's me being cryptic and in-my-own-world. I needed that.

To more real and concrete things: today, I was buying a milkshake when I was targeted once again. By beggars. For some reason that is yet to be fully elucidated, people in need of money simply and inexplicably find me as their number one choice for sympathy. Perhaps, yes, as others have expressed, I have a certain guillibility about my countenance. But still! I do not wish to be exploited! I'll help when I want to.

Anyway, this old nyonya came up to me as I was paying for my milkshake and asked for two bucks. Asked for it, mind you! Like it was her right to do so. And no, she didn't ask the group of boys queueing up behind me. Or the other uncountable persons wandering around tampines interchange. She had to ask me. And I was sufficiently amazed to hesitate. Then I became annoyed. And I took my change for my milkshake and dumped the coins (must have amounted to 90 cents or so) into her hands and said as kindly as I could, "That enough?" And gave a grim smile. Then I walked off, and actually exclaimed "Why!" to no one in particular. Because it amazes me the number of times I've been approached by these people in need. And sometimes, they annoy me because they don't ask nicely at all! Like they know I can be bullied or something.

And I tell you, that is what pisses me off most of all. Stop bullying me! All of you people! Beggars or not! Just because I'm small and I can't make myself be aggressive enough, doesn't mean I can't clock you one when I'm sufficiently irate.

Quite honestly, it's a tiny bit of a fantasy of mine to box someone really horrible in the face.

Ah crap. This entry has become truly morbid. I blame my repressed angst.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Today was a damn good day. You know, it's true that good things happen when you least expect them to. :) I went out for a pbm meeting in the morning and then unwittingly joined in a small picnic celebration for Lin's birthday. Damn nice. We flew a kite in Marina! And it went super high. But blur me let go of the string, so mine and Hudy's kite was lost. But our other one, successfully flown by birthday girl and Artika, remained in the sky and it was a great accomplishment for us amateurs. Then we had dinner at banquet and kept talking about how much of a good day it was. haha.

Tonight I don't feel like blabbering but simply revelling in this momentary high. :)

Also brought back leftover (unopened can of) tuna, and crackers. muaha. We were too hung up about the kite to eat.

Monday, June 18, 2007

wahahaha! How often does one get to be considered among the ranks of Einstein and Egyptian princesses?

Who were you in a past life?
by Kat007
Name:
Birthdate:
Favorite Color:
Country:
You were most probably:Albert Einstein
If not then you were:Nefertiti
My eyes are certainly rotting. I've been doing nothing but coop myself up in the house, staring at the computer screen. Talk about an unheatlhy lifestyle. This is unhealthy to the max. Not only am I becoming more of a potato, but my brain is also turning to mush and slowly slipping into a dark, depressing abyss.

I feel so so stupid. I wanted to take up a job at the nus writing centre, offered, and invited, mind you, by usp, but I chewed over it too long and made up a million excuses about being so caught up with my travelling and not having time to study later on, that now, the deadline is way over. And I'm starting to feel the ache of my stupid decision. Or lack thereof.

THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS! Sometimes, I really think I need a whack on the head. Too many regrets! Too many already! When did it all start piling up and start consuming my life?

okay, waaay too dramatic.

anyway, parents are home from kelantan. fruits and more fruits litter our kitchen. and I also finally pre-ordered hp7! uber-duber excited about prospect of queueing up on the 21st! But reading will be interrupted by cousin's engagement which falls on the same day. (Cosmic conspiracy again?) But I shall switch off my phone and not talk to anyone unless I know for certain they know zilch about the plot. Until I'm done with deathly hallows. wahaha. talk about being fanatic. Maybe I should hang a sign around my neck that says something like, "Allergic to Harry Potter spoilers" or "The Consequences of Upsetting This Person Are Dire". Because I don't know yet how I would react if someone, accidentally or not, delivers a spoiler to me. But I do know that I will be angry as many people haven't seen me angry before. nyeeeaha.

I've been waiting for my mum to shout at me all day, and it hasn't happened yet. Not even when I woke up at 11.30. Not even when she can evidently see my basket of unironed laundry. Or the fact that my luggage bag is still not in the cupboard under the stairs. (muaha. I do like being able to write that. sorry, I digress.) Or the fact that I have been at my computer almost the entire day! It's making me fidgety. I'm so used to being nagged. Dare I test the limits? Should I perhaps leave a couple of dirty plates in the sink? hm. Don't think I can. Too chicken.

okay. I need to go have a life offline.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

I have been evil and lazy. Ever since coming back from my overseas trips, I've been putting everything off - laundry, emails, videoediting and especially! Asking about pentasbudaya. And then today I met Suliyati at royal plaza's surau, and she was like, "Didn't you know pentas budaya got postponed to 8th August?" And I went like, "WHA!!!" @_@" What has happened!!! And I feel so uber guilty because I disappeared. :s And am very scared now. (I have an incredible number of phobias, just so you know.)

I feel like a great big wreck sometimes. Like beyond-all-help kind of wreck. GAH. STUCK AGAIN. Damn it all. When will it ever stop!

I was thinking about something funny earlier today. How, when I was much smaller, I used to always think, "Oh, such-and-such couldn't possibly ever happen to me!" And then something did happen. And from then on, it has been "Why oh why do such things keep happening to me!" I think it's been leaving me entirely screwed up. I don't know whether truly unwanted and unwonted things have started to happen more to me or whether I've just become enormously less grateful. Probably the latter lah right.

okay. done with emotional regurgitation exercise.

Here's a conversation between a fanfic author and her characters. I thought it was amusing.

Li: You’re turning what was an entertaining story into a boring lecture.

Peacewish: Back off Li, or you won’t come off looking nearly so studly in my next AU fic.

Li: You wouldn’t.

Peacewish: You think so?

Julian: Can I be alive in this one?

Peacewish: Sure, sweetheart. You know you’re my favorite.

Li: I thought I was your favorite!

Peacewish: Actually, Tory’s my favorite.

Julian and Li: WHAT?

Peacewish: What can I say, tall, dark and handsome does it for me.

Tory: In that case, can I not be treated quite so badly in the next story?

Peacewish: Oh, sorry my love, but the true hero is always the one that suffers the most.


aye aye. I totally agree there. Reading about war and power and politics makes me wanna go pick up an Allan Massie book again. He writes great.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

I was reading a fic and this line tickled me completely.

“Listen up. You even think about touching my sister, I will put a piece of your hip in your neck!" Says an overprotective brother to his sister's guy friend.

wahahahaha. That is one scary threat, I say.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Back from india. Not that I actually notified here that I went. But point is, I'm back. And I love Kashmir to the max. :) It's the things you least expect to fall in love with that you do fall in love with.

I got my hill of lambs, you hear! I got my hill of lambs! Since as far back as ever, I've wanted to be on a hill of free-roaming lambs, and I got it in Kashmir. And I admit, it's probably the major reason why I love Kashmir so much. Let me accost you with photos of my free-roaming lambs.

This is my crazy face as I discovered my hill of lambs. I was truly ecstatic, I tell you.



LAMB! The smallest one I could find. It was damn cute, okay.









Also, the people are gorgeous. We found gypsy kids with golden-brown-green eyes. Like the eyes of that Afghan girl on the cover of national geographic.

The gypsy kids are right in the middle.



I also think the Taj Mahal is absolutely breathtaking. It really is. All that fuss and complaint about the Taj yellowing and being a disappointment? I don't get it. I think it's the most amazing tomb ever.









okaylah. my verdict is: india is incredible, as they say. An at-least-once-in-a-lifetime visit.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

oh, so I looked up the movie and scarlett is playing mary and natalie portman is playing anne boleyn! HUMM! That is so wrong. Fine, they do look the parts, but character-wise! You have no idea how evil Anne is in this story! Tortured, yes, but EVIL. And Eric Bana is King Henry?! NO! I love Bana! I hate Henry! Whaaaa.

:( I hope they stayed fairly faithful to Gregory's plot and not screw the characters up too much. I mean, just cause Eric Bana's all pretty doesn't mean King Henry should turn out nice in any way, you know? The King Henry in my head is greedy-looking with fat cheeks, red-haired and super selfish. How am I supposed to reconcile this when I see Eric Bana play him? HUH? HUH???

anyway. last night, we had liqa' at ami yusof's house. We were sitting eating chocolate cake which was absolute yumminess. But Kaktiyah refused to eat it because of her diet to stay at maximum weight of... I don't know, only, 40 kg? Nyeeah. So we tempted her and she gave in to one bite. Then my mum started warning me against obesity, taking on the side of kaktiyah or stg, and she and kak shida were all like, "You're not allowed to get fat until you're married." And, I remember vividly, they all looked at me, nodding in absolute agreement. And I went all -__-".

Well then, I gave it some thought. Not that this topic hasn't already taken up enough of my brain space as it is. But I chewed on the whole issue again anyway. Yes, it makes sense that a girl has to stay beautiful to snag one of the guys, and that gives some motivation. But I can't help thinking that one should have more motivation if one knew there was someone to be beautiful for! No? Well. Maybe that's me making excuses; being completely single and all. (I do wonder if I'd care more otherwise.) The whole getting-fat-after-marriage thing? That's my mum making her share of excuses. Fact is, of course, beauty should be self-pleasurable.

Aaaaah! I am bullshitting. Oh, what the heck.
I want to put more photos... but you know how troublesome it is to do so in blogger? It's so time-consuming! I have no patience. -_- sigh. I'll put only a couple today.

Did you know that The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory is being made into a movie??? Wheeeee! So exciting. And apparently, it stars Scarlett Johanssen, who I don't really like. I suppose she can be Anne Boleyn, who's a bitchy, cunning character in the story. But I don't think she can be Mary Boleyn (who's all pure, simple and nice). But yay for movie adaptations; they're all the rage now! I can't wait.

two random photos here.
Aren't the little daisies (presuming they are daisies) in the grass damn cute?



At the rose garden in golden gate park.