I had a very very long, very interesting and amusing saturday. :D

My family (12 of us) plus two chinese dudes got stuck in Mustafa Centre's glass elevators for fifty freaking minutes, and there was barely any ventilation such that we were sweating like pigs and the glass was FOGGING UP. By the way, this happened at 1 a.m.. >.< The lift jerked like twice before stalling halfway. At first I thought it would be a quickie fix, but help took so damn long to come. And seriously, for a moment, I thought we could have suffocated from the lack of air. Said called the cops even. It seems laughable now, but at that time, haha, I don't know, it was... hectic! And my dad insisted we kept pressing the bell so they would show some urgency because they were taking FOREVER to come. No one attempted to attend to us. Talk about apathy. And I forced open the lift doors and then Said put his mango juice bottle to keep them open. So that finally we could get some fresh AIR. And only when we did that did the glass stop fogging. No joke, man. I'm not sure if we could have had enough air if they took longer. @_@ And now, my dad is insisting in lodging formal complaints and everything. Cause my poor aunt was in total shock and started puking later.


Anyway, am watching NEWS' Concert Tour: Never Ending Wonderful Story DVD! That Jiawen so very kindly donated yesterday. (thank you x 1000!) And now it's the clip of Ryo-chan's flying kiss to someone in the audience (which is the funniest thing! - an audience member gets picked at random and has the option to ask any of the members to do anything.) It's like my sister's favourite clip or something, haha. And omgness, I was so incredibly tickled when in the opening, Tegoshi introduced himself with the hand action that Domoto Tsuyoshi taught him way back last time!!! >.< "Tegoshi desu!" Apparently, it's become his trademark move.


waaahahaha.

And I just remembered something funny from yesterday's meet-up! jiawen, mumu, eunice and me were at coffeebean wasting time. And we played the drawing game - you know, the game where we draw our versions of whatever subject and then compare. We drew porcupines first and we were thinking of what else to draw... then Munirah suddenly went: "Let's draw Lucy!" And the rest of us were like, "Who??????" @_@ And Munirah said disbelievingly at us, "Lucy the giraffe!" As though Lucy the giraffe was our bosom buddy and to have forgotten her was sin. I asked both jiawen and eunice if they knew Lucy and they were both as confused as I was. It was so funny! It turned out that Lucy was the name of the giraffe at the Singapore Zoo and Mumu remembered her name from the last time we went together, and was somehow shocked that we didn't. It's cute isn't it, to realise what different people consider important. She even remembered the name of the other giraffe - Growie (or stg). haha.

Code Blue first epi is out! Watched it already. So far, Yamapi's character is only so-so. Not warmed up to him yet.

Also have been catching up on Supernatural. :) I miss Dean. Except episode 16 won't load, so am annoyed.

SLEEEEEPY. -_-

This morning, just when we finally finished the x-ray filming for western blot (a method for detecting proteins, fyi), there was an emergency evacuation for all ibn staff. For a second I was like @_@. But then when we finally got out into the open, it turned out to be some airconditioning problem and the safety people feared we would suffocate from the stuffiness. -_- Honestly, I think none of us noticed it. It felt the same as always. Such things are disruptive! like if you were running some time-based experiment or something or incubating your cells with trypsin, which when left too long, KILLS THE CELLS - I would have been truly irritated.

I am so so so psyched for The Dark Knight, because apparently Heath Ledger's performance might go down in history as the best Joker ever.

Did I say I was sleepy? I am sleepy. -_-

Life has always been somewhat uneventful for me. I was thinking of what I could possibly write about today, but then I realised that besides fangirling, there isn't much interesting going on at all! It's rather depressing.

Jiawen is coming back home soon, and we already anticipate much fangirling conversations when we meet up! :)) ahah. (eunice and munirah, beware. :p)

Friday night, we had dinner at Hanis@Eastpoint with Cik Dah and company. And when we were chatting away at dessert at Starbucks, I felt very happy. I mean, I suppose I've enjoyed many dinners before. But that night, I just took a step back from myself and realised that I was happy with life. It could be better, but it could be a whole lot worse. So, sipping on hot caramel macchiato, and listening to everyone telling each other jokes, gave me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. okay, sappy quota fulfilled for today? yes, I think so.

okay, a kurosagi fanvid, because I so want a second season! pleasepleaseplease. >.< and this is my OTP right now.

I've been messaging jiawen on facebook about JE. haha. finally, there's someone I know who knows this stuff, you know? And we are excited cause she says HanaYoriDango the movie is coming to singapore in august and we shall drag munirah (and maybe eunice too? :P) to watch together. yippeeness.

only apoptosis assay in the afternoon today.

and oh! Of course I should say that eunice and me met up with yeatian yesterday! Yeatian is going to Kyuushu (spelling?) for a summer exchange! >.< jealous, jealous. And we talked so much at swensen's about eveything from stupid people who don't know that England is part of Europe to ghost stories. I think I have this inability to contain my excitement when talking about stuff. Like this couple sitting next to us - I was vaguely aware they were a bit annoyed at our noisy table. I don't know. Not sure if it's me being oversensitive. But they left rather quickly too.

and oh, I was just reading the paper while eating tahue this morning, about how being geeky is so the in thing now. That truly rocks, it does. It means my torturous mugging for programming has some popularity boosting power for me or stg (muaha, what am I saying???). HAHA. Masi Oka (Hiro from Heroes), who apparently has a mind-boggling IQ of 180 (the average is 100) and was once a special-effects programmer for Lucas Films, said "A geek is just someone who's really passionate about something and I'd rather be passionate about something than be apathetic about everything." :) so it's okay to be geeks. And apparently Oka was voted into the Sexiest Men list last year?! really, man. Geeks are inheriting the earth, they are. And the ST article ended with how all this only proves that the brain is the sexiest part of the body. nyaha.

want and think something nice. (:



This is from Wordle. A place where you can insert a bunch of text and produce semi-personalized art from it. So I used entries from this month and voila! You can see what has been most prominent in my posts. Words with a higher frequency are given prominence. I see mice and cat both appear. Haha. And Japan. :p No surprise. And apparently I use the word nice too much.

I like this!

Mondays mornings are THE worst. Because I'll always end up sleeping later than usual on sunday night and have trouble dragging myself out of bed in the mornings. >.< All I want is to stay under the covers.

Parents came back from Puncak in the wee hours of sunday morning. Me and brother were at T3 at 2 am. I got a donut and he got a cheeseburger while waiting. Parents look happy but tired. And brought 5 bags home. 5 okay. Nutters. But I got a quite a lot of things! A pair of jeans that fits! (yay!) A nice black and white top. A nice brown shawl. A scarily garish pink shirt. A bangle.

AND AND AND. They bought Ayat-ayat Cinta, which we tried to watch last night itself, but THEN: it cocked up right in the middle. It refused to continue playing. @_@ I was like: "WHAT?!" It looked original okay. So I still haven't finished watching it. I tell you, I'm cursed with regards to this movie. But so far... eh... I like the art direction; very pretty. And the whole premise is very promising. But the acting is rather amateurish! Which made some parts rather laughable when it wasn't supposed to. And the arabic! Makengkau. We kept laughing cause it doesn't sound like arabic but garbled indonesian or something. Nya! >.< haha. But so far, this Fahri character, I suppose I grudgingly like him. He's nice but not overbearing. But what's with all these Muslimahs clamouring for him??? HAHA. I thought it was amusing. I'm sure there are many such nice Muslim guys studying at Azhar. And what's with German girls being able to speak Indon so fluently and saying "dong" at the end of sentences?! It just totally cracked me up!

muaha. I shall find a way to continue watching it. :p

Sis and me are having a heartfelt conversation with granny about relationships and stories of our parents and how girls should rightfully be home by dusk. HAHA.

And how members of our family are all somehow slowly getting hitched with Indians. Like Kaktiyah. And Bubu. And Kak Ilah. And my brother too. And my granny's like, "Eh, korang janganlah, eh! Tak nak mama jugak. Kesian Abah." Because everyone knows how hung up my dad is about us marrying an Arab. -____-

And then, me and sis, in absolute unison said, "Kita nak Jepun!" And then we screamed in laughter together. It was seriously hilarious. Oh, our JE-riddled brains. :p But really! At this stage, I think I'd choose a Yamapi over an Abang Dolah, if you know what I mean. Okay, you probably don't, but nevermind.

I just want true love, daddy, thank you.

More of my mice died, by the way. I am fearful. :s And I think I maimed one of them during imaging today, haha. Like I was a bit rough with him and almost cracked his skull or something. :s If I could apologise properly to it, I would. I'd say gratefully, "Thank you for dedicating your little precious lives to science. May god reserve nice fields of wheat for you in heaven."

I've also been thinking: how people perceive me as an uberly serious person. (Like today, although I really wasn't feeling sad but just thinking about the deconvolution image problem, Irene asked me why I was sad! And I was like, "Eh?!" Do I have a perpetual melancholic expression or something???). Most times I think I'm actually like the most blur, whacked, dreamy-in-the-clouds person on earth. Like I was visiting Archana's mice the other time. And the black ones are really tinier and more active or something and one was swinging from the top of the cage like a trapeze artist, and I just spoke naturally to it, "What are you doing, you psychotic mouse!" To which, to my surprise, Archana burst out laughing. And my first reaction was like, "Eh?" And with some thought, I somehow came to realise what comes naturally to me might seem nutty to others.

okay, time for sleep. APEX camp tomorrow!

The Sichuan Zoo recently had a panda baby boom! Have you seen this???







Aaaah! SO cute! They're like furry footballs! I want a panda, please. And I can't believe I haven't been getting to watch the movies I've wanted to watch. I didn't manage to catch Ayat-ayat Cinta at the theatres. And I still haven't seen Kungfu Panda and The Happening! I WANT. Maybe friday night? Before the parents come back from their happy holiday.

Anyway, yes, my parents are having a nice vacation at a mountainside in Puncak, Indonesia. I would have gone if not for this work attachment with mice. And I was really deciding whether to forget about this job thingy for the trip, but I decided that maybe I should try working for once. Besides, I have the december hols to console myself with - I am seriously hoping for Japan. Been relentlessly bugging my dad about it. At random intervals, I'd poke my dad and say, "Japan, okay? Japan, okay?" And he'd go, "TSK." But I secretly think that my dad melts with much persuasion and poking and the right amounts of grins and puppy eyes from his daughters. (Although, crap, this coming from a 21-year-old must be weird.) I shall keep at it. And Japan might just materialise by the end of this year! >.< And I want to be able to speak a decent amount of Japanese by that time.

I have not much work today. Image processing has encountered big insurmountable pothole; the software isn't able to deconvolve (aka resolve) the image correctly. So, my poor overworked mentor will have to scout around and figure something out. And I shall go read some bio stuff and anticipate my mice imaging work tomorrow.

Suddenly had the urge to reread Totto-chan. I remember how much I loved it when I was 14. And how much I wanted too to go to a school out of train cabins and have a lovable headmaster who could be both your teacher and your friend. Now that I'm 21 and rereading it, I want to be a teacher at such a school. Really. I want to teach at a school like Tomoe Gakuen. Where education is at its truest. Learn what you love to learn. And everyone gets a fair chance at it. :) Oh, what joy. No fuss about grades, but emphasis on developing not just the mind, but the body and spirit as well. If only I'd been enrolled in a Tomoe-Gakuen. I think I'd have been a happier and more confident child.

The head master deplored contemporary education, with its emphasis on the written word, which tended to atrophy a child's sensual perception of nature and intuitive receptiveness to the still small voice of God, which is inspiration.

It was the poet Basho who wrote:

Listen! a frog
Jumping into the silence
Of an ancient pond!

Yet the phenomenon of a frog jumping into a pond must have been seen by many others. Down through the ages and in the whole world, Watt and Newton cannot have been the only ones to notice the steam from a boiling kettle or observe an apple fall.

Having eyes but not seeing beauty; having ears, but not hearing music; having minds, but not perceiving truth; having hearts that are never moved and therefore never set on fire. These are the things to fear, said the headmaster.

~ Tetsuko Kuroyanagi, Totto-chan

So. In case you didn't already know, I've recently (past few months) been very into Jap stuff (as evinced by my blog entries), namely Johnny's Entertainment. And tonight, I need to gush. o_O

Seriously: I adore Tegoshi. In a not really guy way. It's hard to explain. It's different. Like... I think Yamapi is amazing. And I adore him in the way I adore Lymond, Draco, Keanu (although now not so much, but first loves are still forever) etc. But when it comes to Tego - gosh. I like him like I like a cute little brother (although technically he's turning 21 too). And, like I said before, he makes me feel oddly proud. Maybe because he's an extremely pretty JE boy BUT BUT BUT he can sing. So damn well. Which is seriously a rare event in JE. (Try listening to SMAP live.) Everytime TegoMass performs, I watch. Because Tego just rocks, man, he does. I want to squish him! With that pretty, girlish face and that amazing voice - he can be big, yes he can.

And Ai Ai Gasa is slowly crawling up my favourites list. The meaning is so sweet. Here it is if you're curious.



So cute, right! And no prizes for guessing who's Tegoshi. But gah, his blond hair! >.< I prefer black. Black is always best.

Why is free disk space so hard to come by. My whole image processing work has been held up because we don't have enough disk space and my mentor has to spend hours just transferring files.

Was just reading Straits Times about that whacked Japanese dude who stabbed people in Akihabara. It's a sad story. How he's really mentally unstable and resorted to this. I mean, he didn't deny doing it, too. When you think about it, how many of us out there are actually very, very lonely, and need someone to just care, so we don't go around murdering people in a bid for attention? I think I'm incredibly grateful I have a family I can talk to about most things, a sister I crap to about almost everything, and a friend I ramble to about the stresses of life and how much we want holidays. Sometimes, all it needs is one person to make all the difference.

Taking the trains back and forth always puts me in a pensive mood. Traveling time is my time for picking at my brain and my thoughts. Like yesterday, I realised that if I could put all that I wanted from life in one statement, it'd be this: To live true. Short, and simple, and all one truly needs to be happy, I think.

40GB disk space now available! okay, going to do image processing now. let me be able to work the code. >.<

Went to Ghim Moh for lunch today. There ain't no more MacDonald's there! In fact, the whole place looked kinda different. :( Sad. It was a Macs full of memories. We played games there, and lepak there, I wasted time waiting for my dad there.

Been spending the morning figuring out image processing. And as I blog, I'm letting the software load the images. It takes forever. And I've been listening to Jap songs along the way. I really think, and I'm saying this as free of JE and NEWS bias as possible, Tego has a superb voice. Besides Yamapi's, I'm always looking forward to his parts of the song. I love just listening to him! ah, I feel oddly proud.

Image loading now stuck at 20 of 27. -_- I'm running out of songs to entertain myself with.

Meeting Jean later! :) It seems like ages since we talked last.

And oh, although I doubt Pige reads this: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (A day late, but I think it's good enough. :P) You are officially, officially, of any kind of legal age. I keep wanting to send her an email wish, but in between looking at these images, it keeps slipping my mind.

I've been wanting to say something about a cat. Every morning now, as I walk to the MRT station on the long arduous journey of getting to Biopolis, I pass by this nice, fluffy, greyish cat, sleeping on the steps of a ground-floor apartment. And everytime I see it, I think, "Oh, you lucky cat!" That cat has got it good. While I have to work hard and travel far, lugging my freaking heavy laptop. Every morning, I get jealous of the cat for getting to sleep in. >.< ahhhh. It's so nice to be able to laze indefinitely.

but work is good too. yes it is.

Knocking off work in a bit. -_- My back aches from sitting constantly and staring at my laptop. Although the morning was spent in the lab.

Describing work isn't fun.

I feel so uninspired! >.<

I don't know if this is what I want to do all my life. Ahhh. Feel so drained and confused.

Module planning is bugging me again. And my dropping CAP. >.<

This morning, my dad had a strange mood swing and burst into our rooms at 8.30 with a wide smile and announced that we were going out for a day excursion. I was a combination of -______- and @_@ because I slept at four and was hoping to snooze till late. He had turned environmentalist all of a sudden and suggested treetop walks and chek jawa. I was really going "Eeeeeeeeh." What is goin on.

Minus my sister who had her pesta pantun meeting, we went for Nasi Rawan breakfast at the ever-favourite Wak Nah at Bedok and set off in the direction of Telok Blangah. But then my mum was worried about the heat so we decided to go to the national museum instead. The first time since the revamp. Pics ahead.



There was this brocade Greek statue that was quite fascinating.









The Film History Gallery was nice too. P. Ramlee stuff.





I have no idea why the photos can't be horizontal! Anyway, I can't decide who's prettier between the two: Zaiton or Sarimah (the latter). I always thought Sarimah was more beautiful but here Zaiton looks super sexy in her kebaya.




$3 movie ticlets! must be heaven.




Then there was the food section. I swear we smelt jemput-jemput (fried banana cakes) inside the gallery.







The audio companions. They were rather troublesome, but quite informative, I guess. I remember Patrick telling us during heritage class that it distracted people from the exhibits. And it's quite true. You end up just listening to the narratives and the exhibits become sort of redundant. Hm.



There were also NAFA furniture design competition entries (or stg) and there was this really cool structure that could be made into a cd shelf. I so want it. I was so fascinated by it I forgot to snap a pic.

Work starts tomorrow! :s

Not for the first time, I'm wishing I only needed 3 hours of sleep. I can feel my brain throbbing for sleep, but I am resisting because goddamn it! There are far too many fun things to do online.

I had to wake up early today and spend almost the entire day learning about PSLE math. All part of being mentor to P6 kids all geared up for the exams. So yes. Lack of sleep.

Anyway. Continuing from last post... I still haven't watched Ayat-ayat Cinta. I don't know, it's like the universe is against my watching it or something. (But I shall not be silly enough to read into that, shut up brain.) So anyway, 7 of us piled into a car (sis, me, brother and our other-brothers) and drove all the way to cathay cineleisure. And when I rushed to buy tickets, the numbers were all already red. SOLD OUT. Seriously. Someone needs to realise that this movie needs more airing time.

So we bummed around. All depressed because we couldn't find a good movie we all hadn't watched. We loitered around PS. And finally swooped down on gelare. We finished 3 waffles at a record speed of 4 minutes. We were all cracked up by the end of it because our $40 waffles disappeared at a rate of $10/min. That's hilarious. Really. Then we browsed dvds and books at Times. I contemplated getting another self-study Japanese book (cause I'm halfway through my current one) but refrained from splurging. Hussain was all psyched about his China stint and was checking out maps. And the boys were at the mags.

It felt good to be out with them, regardless of ultra movie failure. Like rediscovering that bit of me I'd almost entirely forgotten. Nostalgia kicking in again. These were the people I grew up with. And it's so great that we're still close. The original 8, minus one. I think I remember writing about us back in JC. How I felt like everyone was starting to drift apart at that point.

It's happened... a little. But we're still hanging on. But this whole business about all the boys having girlfriends, as I suspect, is unsettling. Ah. The tides of time waits for no girl.

And oh. I got the IBN attachment. Part of me is absolutely determined I enjoy this.

I've been wanting to say something about Maulid celebrations that we had last sunday. I stupidly forgot to bring my cam! -_- And the Hadhrah boys were so nicely dressed up too. And Ahmad had his flute and everything. Kebodohan right!

I really thought the Hadhrah was good. But I wish they'd learnt to do the breathing thing as well. Okay, I'm not sure know how to describe this breathing thing: it's like they breathe in and out but within each breath you can hear "Allah". It's really damn cool.

Ah, gotta go! Finally watching Ayat-ayat Cinta with the cuzzies. (:

I like this video too! It's one of the older ones. It's scary lah. Thinking about arrogance. It's an all-too-easy trap. Cause you always have to remind yourself that whatever that's good about yourself, ain't all yours in the first place.



Lucky I didn't go up to him and ask for an autograph (read previous entry). :S

I think I saw Baba Ali yesterday! Went out with Hudy, Marli and Khairiah to eat at Al-Majlis, and when we were almost leaving, I saw this guy at the table next to us, and he looked just like Baba Ali. O_O I kept trying to peek at him over my shoulder. I really think it was him! Except he looked a bit younger... But if it was him, what's he doing in Singapore?! I was too freaked to go up to him and ask lah. Too embarassing.

Here's one of the funnier episodes about hijab. The names he gives to the different kinds of hijab are so amusing!


Anyway, yesterday was sweet! The four of us met up for dinner and I received belated birthday presents. >.< A green purse and bangles! I really want to wear them bangles. If only they were just that bit smaller, they'd be perfect. And there was much gushing over Ayat-ayat Cinta. I really want to watch it now! And consequently much discussion over jodoh and soulmates. Very amusing. The concluding theory contributed by Hudy: everyone has a soulmate (someone who loves and wants you as much as you do him/her) except that person might not be the one you live with for the rest of your life. In fact, your soulmate could be that one amazing person you spent 10 minutes with at the bus stop but never meet again. @_@ How sad, right. Haha.

PHOTOS!: Lunch at the halal Hei Sushi @ Downtown East with Eunice! I finally had a proper sushi meal, and I actually liked it! Was so happily surprised. My family largely looks down on uncooked food (My brother: "Cooking was invented for a reason.") and everyone thinks sashimi looks particularly disgusting. But but BUT! I actually liked everything I tried! So happy. I've already told Ahmad (the only cousin that likes Japanese cuisine) about it and we've promised to go together some time. :)

Me at Hei Sushi. The computerized ordering system is a bit whacked though.


Eunice with the menu. She looks amused. Probably at my crazy level of excitement over some Japanese food.


The salmon nigiri! My favourite of the lot.


The Hei Chawanmushi. Nice.


Hamachi (if I'm not wrong). I can't say I love raw cold fish, but it wasn't bad.


Prawn nigiri. Prawns never go wrong in my book. (:


Salmon roe. At first they looked scary, but they turned out fine. Salty, but nice.


Maguro nigiri. aka Tuna.


Soft shell crab! Eunice was like, "You've never eaten soft shell crab?! @_@ WE MUST HAVE IT."


Ja!

I'm going out to buy movie tickets in Toa Payoh of all places, because apparently, Congkak only airs at Eng Wah Cinemas. Sigh. Car, I want car. Abah says when I get my licence maybe he'll think of buying us a small car, a cherry qq maybe, ugly as it is.

I was trying to put up photos but tssssk. There is something wrong with blogger at the moment, I think.

My sis just asked me for the name of a music band. I'm like -_____________-"

You ask me for the name of the band? Me, who thought Fountains of Wayne was Fountains of Bay? Haha, really. I'm so bad at recognizing singers and musicians. It is a rare occasion when I truly fall in love with a song and look up the person who sings it.

I have photos to post but I feel lazy. Maybe in a while.

We are going to watch Congkak tomorrow! yippeeness.

Tabloid gossip is such guilty pleasure. >.< Yamapi and Abiru officially over? Please be true. Yamapi deserves better.

Speaking of tabloids... Current family drama made me laugh the other day. It's like, really, the tabloids. You hear like 6 different versions of the same event, rehashed more than 30 times, and you have to try and figure out the truth. And take everything with a little grain of salt.

And the funniest thing was, "Sejak bila aku curi beca?" That was just. That just made me laugh so much. Totally tabloid. Like celebrities reading stuff about themselves in the paper and going, "Eh! I'm not dating her! I said barely two words to her!"

SIGH.

But really. Last night, I almost wanted to cry. When will it ever stop.

Nevermind if you don't know what I'm blabbing on about, it's not worth mulling over.

oh yes! Mother's Day! We gave umi an oriental tea set. And I hugged her and cried. I really am very emo. I'm one of those people you can't hug, because once you do, it'll just release a flood of tears. Sometimes I think I'm holding a fragile glass container in my chest that's just about to crack open anytime. Eheh. There we go, emo again. :|

I pray for better times. Weather the storm and we'll reach the shore, someday.

It's summertime and all, and mostly, I am happy, yes, I am. But but but. Little things can be truly bothersome, and can spoil everything. ack ack ack.

SNIFF.

My heart feels heavy.

I think I need to wake up early tomorrow and do some productive things.

I'm remembering a line from the movie adaptation of The Other Boleyn Girl (which rocked, did I say?): The art of being a woman is letting men think they are the ones in control.

And my. I think it's so so so so so so true. I watched with my brother, so I asked him about it when we were driving back, and he was like, "Yarlah. I think men know it but can't do anything about it." Haha. Women are super-manipulators, okay. If you think about it, Anne Boleyn, as the story depicted, was probably behind the establishment of the Church of England. Amazing, ain't it?

Sigh sigh sigh. Be a good woman, women. Women make or break a family I think, so be a good one.

Also, when I was out today, I saw the chicken essence advert again, and hello, that advert is seriously ridiculous lah okay. If you actually take notice, you'll realise that the kids who claim the intelligence-boosting power of chicken essence are all wearing supposedly top-school uniforms, except without the blatant school badges or crests. There was RG, RI, I think SJI and SCGS too, and Nanyang (without the prominent red kanji characters at the corner! @_@). Who are they trying to kid, really. The advert just SCREAMS Singapore's kiasuism, elitist attitude and grade-obsession. It bothers me! It's like, you can't really say it, but you know, if you drink chicken essence, you can go to RI.

-_- puke.

Some Rafflesians seriously go overboard. Like that Rafflesian success stories book, if you've seen it. What is the need, seriously, to title it that way??? I can't fully verify this, but do we go to bookstores and find books like "Cambridge Success Stories", or "Harvard Superstars" or something like that?! Eeeesh. Sometimes ah. Cannot take it, yar.

I finished watching 1 Litre of Tears. And my goodness, the drama keeps to its title. I cried so much, it's nuts. It's at the level of Tuesdays with Morrie and Prozac Nation and Pawn in Frankincense; where it ain't just, "Ohmygod, that's sad!" and you shed a couple of tears. It's like serious outpourings, non-stop waterworks, almost sobbing out loud kind of sad. If you're in the mood for a tearjerker, this is definitely one. Guaranteed tears. If not, you're inhuman, I think. Haha.

It's funny how, when I have to wake up early to study, I don't. But now when I have nothing to study, I don't go back to sleep after subuh despite sleeping at 3 in the morning, and I do dumb stuff like writing and blogging and reading and watching sappy stuff. My my. If we could only control where our passions lie. I so would.

FINALLY. IT IS DONE!!! DONE WITH PAPERS!!! :)))))

Bio was not great, but it wasn't bad either. But programming was expectedly nightmarish. I was so angry with myself. I couldn't even recall properly the properties of an AVL tree. I was like... eeeeh. I kept confusing Heap and Balanced Tree and AVL Tree. :( Feel horrid about it. I have no one to blame but me. Annoying I am! I really want a B for once in programming. NO more Cs please! And there was this horrid question at the end where they ask to write a recursive function for Bubble Sort, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what the freaking question wanted! Was ultra ultra pissed. I swear, if people were allowed to make noise in exam halls, I would so be making scary and whiny noises half the time. argh.

But all that done with, I am free. Pheeeeeeeew.

I am looking forward to tomorrow! Meeting up with Eunice. Maybe we can start discussing our LYMOND PROJECT. Wahaha. And plan for the rest of summer. And I also have to start on the Morocco video; once Aisyah returns me my firewire. And maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll get a job. And I can return to Arabic. Wheee. Good times. I think I really want some waffle icecream tomorrow.

I am happy, because THIS IS THE SUMMER TIME. >.<

Nothing imprisons oneself like the exam period. It's a few more days to the end of it all for me but I feel like I can't take it anymore. Just want to freaking fly away. -_- Sometimes, in fact most of the time, I stare at my notes and wonder incessantly how knowing about stirling numbers or derangements or recurrence relations is supposed to help my future somehow. Just. Head-bangingly frustrating not to be able to see how this fits into the big picture. Bleak-o.

Anyway, I felt the urge to type. These urges always come at the most importune moments, like I've mentioned before. And I decided to indulge myself (despite dismal state of revision). Something someone said has stayed with me for days now, and I shall blog about it.

The other day, the family came over to gather and chat, as malay families are wont to do. And my dad, as always, was cracking everyone up every other minute with his insane remarks. Then Kak Shida was like, "My goodness, how is it huh, to have your dad around everyday? Must be crazy." And it made me pause.

How we take things for granted, you know. And the more I thought about it, the more I couldn't imagine not having my dad and his mad humour in my life. I mean, it's not like my dad is funny 24/7; he's incredibly irritating and exasperating too. But the little things that we have around us, that have always been an integral part of our lives, we barely take notice, you know. Until someone points it out, or until we lose it. I mean, I never really realised or acknowledged, before Kak Shida pointed it out, how lucky we are, to have such a ridiculously funny dad. People are actually envious of it.

Like the other time at dinner too, on the rare occasion when my bro, sis and me were all there and we were animatedly having a conversation (I think about the slugs my brother encountered in Taiwan), and Cik An was like fascinated how we could get along so well, whilst her kids barely speak to each other except when necessary. And I was like, "Eh...". Even little things like sibling dynamics shouldn't be taken for granted, you know.

It's nice to learn about the little things you should be grateful for in life.

Okay, I shouldn't be posting essay-like entries at a time like this! gahness. >.< what am I doing.

what is this. Suddenly, my blogging has come back full-force and I can't stop but have an entry every 6 hours or so? eheh.

I'm just feeling happy, I think, that's why. Nekmah just called me to wish me and we talked and she said nice things. She said she'll pray for me; that I'll shine like a jewel through life. (: I FEEL LOVED TODAY.

And I am stroking my NEWS cd lovingly right now. How on earth did they grow on me so much. Ah. Sweet moments should last forever.

Eunice just said my being loveless comment cracked her up. And that it sounded like I'd already turned 40 and needed help from SDU or stg. -__-

Did not really mean it like that. Just that, by the time you're 21, you should have had some real loves eh. Isn't that the general consensus? But not me. Not really. It's not like I'm desperate or anything! I'm just saying. In fact, I much prefer my being this way, I think. Because... when I fall in love, it will be forever...

Wahahaha. Can you tell this nuttiness is a combination of it being my birthday and exam time as well? Nya.

I have to post because I have turned the BIG 21. O_O

ohgoshgoshgosh.

It feels like such a big event should be accompanied with fireworks and public broadcasting, not my sister's whining about tomorrow's school day. Like, becoming 21 has all these, I don't know, big connotations. The time when people look at you and finally make the judgement: "Wow, she's become a great woman." or not. And like. Wibble. I'm not sure how I fare.

I'm not miserable, I just feel unsure.

Let's see. I should record this moment when I turn 21. What am I doing right now? I'm sitting reclined on my bed, with beloved laptop, and of course blogging away. Ah. Blogging. Something that has endured the years, since I turned 14 or so. I've always loved to write, my being good at it another matter entirely.

And my sister just gave me my present! >.< She gave me NEWS Pacific cd! Plus some nice pics of Yamapi and all of them. Ohmygod, this must be so wrong. AHAHAHAH. I so totally squealed when I saw the size of the wrapped present, cause it was cd-size. I am so into Japanese Entertainment now, it's crazy. I'm just so helplessly fascinated. Ah yes. Another thing about me that has lasted till today - fangirling. One fandom after another, starting with dearest HP (the one and always). It's a part of me I both love and hate.

What else. I'm 21 but still studying. Well, that's the way it should very well be, eh. Just saying that, more than anything, I know about being a student. About that dreadful exam week I so resent; the time when you're just feeling awful; you know you have to study but you just don't feel like studying. yech.

I think I've also become more understanding of my mum. Especially recently, I've realised some things, and I've finally, I think, put that little rebel in me behind. My mum used to rub me the wrong way a lot of the time, but not anymore I think. Ah. I have matured a little, I guess.

Other than that, hm. Still loveless. Still the same. Part of me's glad. But. Not all of me.

But, truly, this moment, I AM HAPPY. Am talking to Eunice online and I just got my present from my sis. Little things like this make me happy. (:

To a great adult life.

I want to make this entry the last one in a long time. Cause I have to stay away and study. I'll go away with saying that the birds had a nice get-together this past wednesday! I miss us being together. And being crappy. And I want to post some photos. I hope you guys don't mind! I just thought the black and white photos were really nice.











:)

Ja!

I'm having a lazy day again. Don't want to budge into work! :(

My sis and me were rewatching Evil Bunny's Enjet-enjet Semut video last night. It is awesome; a classic. :) Here it is in case you haven't seen it. A must-watch for Malays.



Also, there's this jap song newly stuck in my head. It was a hit in Japan a few years back. I like it! >.< And I want to learn the chorus dance. Nya! And I seriously, seriously adore Yamashita Tomohisa (He's the one with the shorter hair in the vid). Incredibly cool lah. Here's Seishun Amigo by Shuuji to Akira.



The way to survive life is to be able to compartmentalise your ambitions, feelings and desires. I think. Anyway, last thing before I force myself into work: I've got a quote I like that I found in my brother's book, "The Game" by Neil Strauss.

In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out. Usually, what you wish for doesn't fall in your lap; it falls somewhere nearby, and you have to recognize it, stand up, and put in the time and work it takes to get it. This isn't because the universe is cruel. It's because the universe is smart. It has its own cat-string theory and knows we don't appreciate things that fall into our laps.

When I read that, I was like :( . How frustrating. I didn't know whether to scream or cry or laugh or what.

okay, time for work.

Triple crap. I need to stop watching these love stories and romance dramas and soap operas. It's turning my brain into complete mush, plus detrimental in like five million more ways. =_=

I do wonder if in essence, people never change at all. That the person you are, was the same whence you were born and will be the same the day you die. Like there's that very thing that just makes you you and you're supposed to have it always always or you wouldn't be you at all. You know? Or am I going around in circles?

Like maybe I'll always be an uber sap and eat up soppy stories like candy. And I'll always be the volcano-type of person; you know, someone who let's things bubble until everything explodes. Maybe. I'm not sure if I'm comforted or not by this theory.

This is a bit late, but Happy Maulid Rasul! (: May our love for Nabi s.a.w. grow ever stronger.

We celebrated at Kak Shida's place yesterday, with food and also a birthday cake for Mami Bee, it coincidentally being her birthday too. Food was yummy. The atmostphere was nice. Then at night, we watched Suhaimi Yusof's "Kelakar Rabak!" which was utterly random and damn funny. There were a number of short comedic skits that included a rather girlish Sultan, Panglimas armed with Jedi lightsabres and Terminator (who said when frustrated, "small-small don't want to die".) I also totally loved the comparison Suhaimi made between the Sultan and Dora the Explorer because of his short-cropped hair. Eh, ampun tuanku! Patik ingatkan Dora the Explorer tadi! Or something along those lines. gila! >.<

In the car. Note the triangle. My brother just got his licence and has become obsessed about practising.




And my dad in the front passenger seat being all kan-cheong about my brother's driving. "Eh, jangan melempah-lempah eh! Handbrake dah turun, handbrake dah turun???"


The birthday cake.


Kawaii ne! Babawok is so adorable.


My favourite kid in the world right now! Abbas, kid from the hood.





Today, I sat in CoffeeBean in Bugis (I love that place) to study for a bit, and after sitting for sometime, I realised that I liked the fact that a freakingly myriad range of people visited that place. There was this blond girl teaching a chinese dude english, a little girl who spoke japanese to someone on her mother's phone (kawaii again!), students with friends from cambodia (I accidentally overheard their conversation.), a group of deaf people interacting in sign language, a dad with his kids just back from madrasah and american tourists. I decided I liked the fact that Singapore was becoming highly multi-ethnic, cosmopolitan and global and all. You get to see so many different people. It just made me smile.

But then on the way home, when I had to battle my way through bugis junction, my enthusiasm dropped a couple of notches because unlike coffeebean, the mall was WAAAY crowded. Just looking at the people teeming from bugis village gave me shivers. It felt like geylang on raya night! I was so frustrated with the crowd, I felt like bashing people up just to clear the passageway. Couples strolling hand-in-hand especially infuriated me. (Honestly, if I were to go on a date, it would never be at a crowded mall.) GO HOME, PEOPLE. And oh yes, not to mention the national library; it was less a library and more a book warehouse sale. I felt so insulted, and practically left the moment I stepped in. Singapore just destroys the sanctity of libraries for me. So, I am kind of torn about the whole foreigners coming to Singapore thing. Because squeezing like a sardine into mrts is no fun.

okay, got to go watch letters from iwo jima for geog. essays to write.

Gaining true happiness requires one to put oneself in a position of extreme vulnerability. Yes, I think that's very true. Ohkay. No wonder it's hard.

I think the school semester is ending soon. :s I'm not ready.

am suffering from incredible emotional turmoil right now. oh what am I saying! I make a big deal out of every little thing. nyah.

Things I need to do:

1) Dredge up enough motivation to succeed. Am hitting humungous wall right now. And I know the desire is somewhere, buried deep. Just need to look for it again.

2) Breathe.

3) Get a grip.

4) Meet up with birds. ARE YOU GUYS BACK YET???

5) Write geog essay.

6) Watch Babel and Warlords.

7) Settle the thingy with turk.

8) Catch up with C++ lectures

9) Study combinatorics

10) BREATHE.

11) reinstall videoediting program into laptop

Went for mega karnival with aisyah, zahra and liyana today. Sad to say, it wasn't as meriah as it should be. We ate a whole batch of cookies, and muffins, and kuih. And I really really like Zubir Abdullah's songs. And we saw Adilah give her speech. But we left after maghrib, and ate at banquet.

Wah, damn ah. I can't take it anymore. Can cry. I wonder if people can actually die from bitter disappointment. So tired. The hope is truly worse than the disappointment. Okay, ignore me, I am being random and incomprehensible.

SIGH. But I had an interesting day today.

ackackack. I want to go to JAPAN! Cik An just came back and the photos are damn cool and I suppose it's cause of my current jap phase and all, but whatever it is, I really have to go to Japan one day. >.<

and I really think I should have gotten me a proper slr when I asked for a birthday present last year. I got a normal coolpix. Which I still do love. But since salman and hannan got their slrs, I'm like, "Hey, I should be doing that..." ): jealous lah. ah! kebodohan. why always like that.

It was out of the blue, but I suddenly thought of our story, the chain-story that we birds did throughout sec 3 and 4 and a little bit into JC. And a pang of sadness just hit me. I almost wanted to start crying. Hell, I feel like tearing now. It's just, I feel so inexplicably old. Like I've lost that part of my youth, maybe forever, and I miss it so much. And I miss, I don't know, something.

I bet most other people would recall their school life being that much more exciting than mine; I've always shunned the spotlight as much as I could. But I did have fun, in my own small ways. And I wish now I'd relished it more. Right now, I feel like.. I'm saying goodbye. And it's making me all despondent.

I suppose I'm not making sense.

Now that I'm facing my twenties, I feel like I'm preparing for battle. So much to do, and chase after, and worst of all, expectations to meet. I keep telling myself that if I reach thirty with chin up, I'll go celebrate big and sujud syukur. The fact is that, while I try hard to stay strong, and walk with a smile, and with a spring in my step, half the time, I'm just so crappily scared. Once again - potion for courage, where art thou? Maybe everyone feels a little like this, eh.

I pray, I hope.

So anyway, because I am a geek, I have to report on programming. For today's sit-in lab, I ALMOST GOT IT. I ALMOST DID. I swear. But then I realised I missed out something last minute, and so, the output was kinda wrong! :( If there was say half an hour left, I'm sure it could have been done perfectly. geram! But at least, I know now I'm getting better at this. The last take home lab scored a 95%. yoshi! (I'm still having a jap phase.)

Duck and Pigey coming back next week! something to look forward to. (:

There are days when God and the universe are on your side. I wanted to skip Combinatorics lecture today so I could go home and work on C++, and guess what? Roger Poh cancelled today's lecture to attend his son's passing out parade or something like that. Ahah.

Yes, keep smiling down on me, thank you. (:

It is amazing how much time I can spend on the internet. :s I should take like a one year off hiking in the hills or stg to reconnect with nature. Sometimes, the whole concept just scares me. I live in the cyberworld more than the real one. eh.

C++ midterm. ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE. The MCQs were hard but at least, you know, they were MCQs. But the open-ended - @_@. Really. I was holding my head in my hands and audibly telling myself not to panic, okay. It was reminiscent of RJ chem papers! LIKE DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO EVERYTHING. I was seriously hyper-ventilating. (I really wonder if taking up this module is shortening my lifespan in some way.) But amidst the panic, there was boiling rage.

When they said pencils down, I really felt like screaming, "Wtf kind of paper is this!!!" Damn angry ah. Unreasonable questions in unreasonably short time period! EESH.

Recently, I've had another epiphany (eheh, I like to call them that). I've had some hormonal revival or something. I've decided to be less of a depressed whacko, and lo and behold, I think I somehow am managing better. Like I'll be horribly upset about something, but it won't be long before I actually feel bouncy and happy again. Like actually, BOUNCY! (Okay, I sound nuts.) It's cause I make myself think of all the good things that I do have and I realise that I am happy about a lot of things, and so I slowly crawl out of my gloom.

I think I'm starting to sound really incoherent; but the essence is: I realise I'm happy, at the most basic, that I'm actually alive to feel all these ups and downs. I'm happy that I can wake up every morning. I'm happy that I still have my parents. I'm happy for my sister. Also my brother. Also my best friend, Eunice. Also for birds and mumu and jw and all my other friends. Also for all those people I've had the privilege to meet, or love, or hate. Also for my crazy but beloved obsessions.

And thinking in this manner just immediately trivialises whatever silly thing I was fussing about. And I can believe somehow, things will be all right. kudos to newfound perspective!

Current obsession: jap dramas. Manga adaptations are so so good. Watching Gokusen now. so cute lah.

Compaq is back! Fresh hard disk. Which means I lost everything before. But nevermind. At least compaq is up and running again.

As promised: photos from our outing to the zoo to celebrate mumu's birthday.

















That's it for now.

It is 1.45 am and I am so incredibly happy, I want to dance! :D I managed to successfully compile my first ever complex computer program and I can almost cry for joy. I am a nerd, I know.

yayyayayayay! I am not hopeless at programming after all. There is hope yet for me. :)

When I saw the "Awesomely Excellent" results, I wanted to collapse in happiness and relief. Thank you, thank you, thank you God. And I am so proud that I didn't take the entire night debugging! It is not even 2 am. I think I'm finally getting the gist of the approach to programming.

ohmygosh. I should celebrate with a long bout of tv tomorrow morning, and some nice eclairs from delifrance. Or stg. Haha.

I'm sorry to bore you with my nerdiness, but I am too happy. And I still feel like dancing. :p When I get back my laptop (hopefully, by tomorrow. don't good things come in pairs?), I shall post those photos that have been long-due and this place shall have less programming-related stuff.

G'night!

Laptop still not back. -________-

I've been thinking: the best things always come unprecedented. (I'm not talking about my sick laptop now. And there were omens of the crash.) But really. That's why people always say love begins with a show of hate, eh? It then catches you unaware, and all for the better. (Think Elizabeth and Mr Darcy.) Part of the beauty is in you having missed it in the first place, and you think, "How could I?".

Also, with regards to celebrities: There comes a point when you start to pity them. Fame really is a double-edged sword. When you can't walk the streets to get a can of coke you're missing out on the most basic freedom, I say. I love some celebrities, and when their discomfort becomes obvious as the cameras are flashing and the girls are screaming, I just start feeling extremely sorry for them, and pray they are able to find peace someplace. How horrible it must be. And I just wish fangirls would stop screaming sometimes. Can't you be silent and appreciative fans from a distance?

If ever I were to bump into a celebrity I love, I'd properly freeze like an ice block or at least feign indifference. Like Kak Naz, who worked in a 7-11 once, and Sheila Majid walked in with her dad to buy stuff, and Kak Naz pretended she didn't know them. And only started screaming when they left. HAHA. That's what I'd probably do. Which is dumb, because you could have gotten their autograph right.

I have work to do, which I can't make myself do. It's so utterly depressing. Everytime I think of programming, my blood turns cold, I swear.

My laptop is sick. :( I think it got overheated, and then the hard disk could no longer be accessed. So I took it to Challenger this morning. I am majorly DEPRESSED. Nothing takes away joy like ripping my beloved laptop from me. I sleep with my laptop, wake up with my laptop. Now dearest compaq is absent, and there's a hole in my heart. How do I live!

More realistically, missing laptop spells disaster - how am I going to catch up with my lectures now? (Thank god at least that the coming week is recess week.) And how am I going to complete my programming lab? (Just thinking of C++ gives me shivers, I tell you.)

And mumu must be annoyed by now, cause I still haven't put up her birthday outing photos. And now it's gonna be even more delayed! :( My dear laptop, get well soon.

Aside from laptop fiasco, I have to report a strange change in me - I've become scarily more rebellious. Not the superficial scream-at-your-parents kind. It's more the so-what-if-I-don't-live-the-way-I'm-supposed-to kind. I want to rebel against the me I've been all my life. To look out the window, and just take off. I'm there at the window now and I just want to go so bad.

I've been wanting to to put up my CNY family picnic photos! BUT NO TIME. I can cry. Programming is killing me. NO joke man. I have been brought to tears. Nothing is worse than this. Chemistry almost seems like heaven to this. Goodness. I should have done pharmacy with Eunice, I think.

And tomorrow, we have a sit-in lab = code and submit within 2 hours.

And someone posted something real funny but very true in the forums.

How a sit-in lab will probably turn out for me:

Log on/open browser etc 1 min

Reading the question 1 min

Understanding the question 10 min

Figuring out an algorithm 20 min

Typing it out into Sunfire 10 min

Debugging code 20 min

Realising I misinterpreted question 1 min

Smacking my forehead 1 min

Cursing and Swearing 1 min

Frantically Trying to figure out another algo 30 min

Finding out it's too late, stares into my impending doom 15 min

HAHA. But man. People who have not given this a go just have no idea of the absolute hear-tearing frustration of programming. You should look at my bedroom floor after a night of, literally, hair-tearing and sleepless frenzy over Lab 2 the entire night and early morning; but sadly, I couldn't work that either.

Am walking a path of doom here!

Ugh. The next time I post better not be about programming.

I am so incredibly disappointed. I spent half of yesterday figuring out code for my programming lab, and stayed up till 4.30am at my laptop, and I still couldn't work it. :( Seriously. Programming causes much heartache and insanity. I should have taken a photo of my ragged self on my bed, surrounded by piles of notes, with crazed, wide eyes. I kept rummaging through the freaking notes every 5 minutes, when a possible new idea came to me, but still nothing worked. And the only reason I turned in at 4.30 was cause I could hear my granny waking up for morning prayers and I didn't want her to exclaim in shock that I hadn't slept a wink. Otherwise, I think I'd have kept at it till the deadline at 9 am this morning. Which would be nutty, but I was so irritated.

argh. so geram! I was so close to getting it. It was down to two freaking things. But they were essential things that made the output wrong. This means that, no matter how I was on the right track to figuring things out, if I cannot make the output exactly the same as the question states, I fail all test cases and lose 70% of the marks! It's like giving "Ilikeapples" when they ask for "I like apples", and they give you NO CREDIT AT ALL for cracking your head for more than 24 hours on it. EEESH. Yes, I understand, precision is of the utmost priority in computation, but goddamn it all, is no one going to acknowledge the crazy amount of effort and time that goes into this thing?

And I was so looking forward to going out with my sis today. But now, freaking codes are still swimming around in my head (cause I still haven't worked it out, although I am now powerless to alter my submission). I get so hung up about getting things.

I now have even greater respect for computer nerds.

Happy New Year, you Chinese people! Even I have elaborate gatherings coming.

Sometimes I think I'm so psychologically damaged, it's not funny.

Anyway, we were eating at duku road tonight. I managed to get the delicious briyani; it's usually sold out. And there was this adorable, adorable cat that kept mewing all the time for food. And it gave me the classic puss-in-boots-from-shrek type of teary stare - it was so irresistible! If you think that the people who did Shrek were overdoing the teary cat stare, you're wrong! My heart just melted at the the sight of his stare, and my sis and me kept throwing him chicken and mutton over the side of the table.



I swear the cat looked just like that! Except that he was black and white, not orange, and his eyes weren't green, and he wasn't holding a hat. But otherwise! This is a replica. Ohmygosh. I so want a cat.

I suppose everyone has got a fear of rejection, at least a little. It's only human, right. But mine is irrational, I think. A completely irrational and disproportionate fear. I wish I wasn't so chicken! >.< It's true what those wise people say: there's nothing to fear but fear itself. I need to cure me of this. I am sick of being scared!

This morning, Dan and Young on radio were asking people to choose between peanut butter and nutella. duh!!! NUTELLA! I grew up loving nutella; I used to to eat nutella spread every morning when I was a kid. And you know I don't like peanut butter, because peanuts just don't taste right with bread to me. And they're sticky and plebeian. eheh. And a lot of people apparently chose nutella over peanut butter. Common sense, I say.

I am looking forward to the weekend. And the CNY weekend. And the end of Feb pls!

Been uploading some photos - here's one. Us sending bubu off to Qatar. It was a mega gathering, quite.