My sister got 8 points for her Os. (: And everybody was all jubilation. Quite honestly, I knew she had it in her. Everyone else just had some unaccounted, skewed and underestimated view of her capabilities. So anyway, everyone wanted to have their bit in celebrating. My family went to T3 Earle Swensen's for icecream the same night of the results, and the very next night, Cik Dah brought us there again, to the very same place, to celebrate! My mum and me were so kan-chiong about the fact that the staff were going to recognise us from the previous night. Heh.

At first, my dad was all, "Go RJ!" And I was also all, "Hey, why not!" So I have fellow Rafflesian in family eh. But then, she knew what the stress was all about, having seen me through my JC years, and there was some worry about the prioritisation of choices for selecting JC (or something) and so she settled with VJ. Ne. My brother was all: -_____________- PARKWAY PARADE AGAIN. Haha. He wanted my sister to quite literally, get out of the east, and explore our tiny island.

On other things: Have had a rather mellow and introspective weekend. Sometimes I get truly worried that my brain will self-combust with the over-worrying, which of course, only worsens the situation. Eheh. But now, I think, I've learnt the little trick to put things in perspective. (Thank you, Allah and Rasul.) I am happy that so far, I have kept to my 2008 resolutions. The hardworking part is always kind of difficult to maintain, but I still try. And the gaining perspective part - I think I'm well on my way. (: I shall be a brand new me when I turn 21.

I miss Mumu. I can't wait to meet up and see what she says about Supes. I miss the birds. And I even miss turk too, cause we didn't get to meet the past week to go home together. And Jean too! I think she's done with her med papers for now...

As a sign off for this highly optimistic entry, here's an extremely lovable icon I stole from my sis who stole from someone else so it doesn't matter:



Two of some of my favourite things! I do adore Sam.

I will occasionally have phases of watching youtube videos about religion and Islam. That was how I discovered Ahmad Deedat, the South African Muslim preacher who debated in comparative religion. And yes, I devoured those. Eheh. They are so gripping. So anyway, these videos, if you ever actually bother watching religion-related videos you'll know this, will always have many many many comments. Like 1593 comments, for instance. And it's full of slander and curses and open ridicule. It is just horrifying and disgusting. But I read them anyway because... quite honestly, they are addictive. I just get really riled up and feel like strangling some of them. And it is also amazing how ignorant some people are. Amazing.

Like apparently, the typical American thinks every Muslim man will marry four women. DUDE. How dumb. Some are even worse - they think Muslims hate women??? WHAT THE HELL. A million of them just say things in complete and utter ignorance, it is truly jaw-dropping. If they just truly truly bothered to find out about Islam, they'd know that Islam was the first to properly accord respect and status to women WAAAAAAY before any institution ever did. HAIYOH. Ignorance is humanity's disease.

And my god. Rasulullah did marry a nine-year old girl, who had matured. Not a kid. NOT A KID, y'all. This means she had reached puberty. She eventually became his favourite and most beloved wife and most famous female Islamic scholar. This beautiful relationship between the Prophet and his favourite wife is no basis for an accusation of pedophilism, astaghfirllah. Seriously. I just want to cekik these people.

I know there's not much point lamenting all this here because the poor souls who say such horrible things are over at youtube. But if I were to post there, no matter how polite and decent my rebuttal, they'd just reply incoherently with numerous fucks and shits and assholes. So I just have to let it all here. Sigh. Unbelievable.

I alternately feel like writing. And then not writing. I am indecisive even about the most mundane minute things in life. haiyoh.

I am still sad about Heath. Was feeling sad throughout my entire kitchen clean-up tonight. :(

My mum commented on how easy my life is now. It seems so, I suppose. Lectures starting in the late afternoon, no homework at this stage, no rush. But I go: "Huh! Easy???" If people only knew the amount of torture I put on my mind every single day. I think it could drive even the most optimistic person mad with fear. Worry about USP. Worry about CAP. Worry that I am going to utterly suck at computing no matter how hard I try. Worry about seemingly non-existent job prospects. Worry that I should be doing just something more. Worry about whether to apply for this or that thing. Worry about where I'm going to end up ten years from now. Worry about just every other stupid detail. I just want to tell my brain to shut up. Really.

I just can't chill. What is wrong with me. Sometimes I try to make myself visualise putting my crazy roundabout thoughts into a big wooden chest, heavily padlocked, and then set aside. But that works for like only five minutes max, before my thoughts go to my worries again. Learning to relax is no easy thing for me. It's hard for me to see life as good right now, but I try. Because I know it is. It is good. I just can't see it very well.

Heath Ledger died?! What. What. What. NO! :( What is it lately with these young actors! I just heard yesterday that Brad Renfro died recently too (the pretty and talented boy in The Client).

SNIFF. I really loved Heath. I think I've watched like all the movies he was in. Except Monster Ball. And he's acting as joker in the upcoming Dark Knight too! This is just too sad. ONLY 28 years old okay. I've liked him since Knight's Tale and 10 Things I Hate About You. An ounce more of fan-feeling in me, and I think I might burst out crying for him.

They say it might be drug-related. But it doesn't seem Heath-like. :( If there was a star that deserved to go this way, it ain't him!

Bubu got to see Sami Yusof in Qatar!!! >.< I want I want I want x 100!!! tak fair seh. He's so amazing! Waaah. :( His third album better be available somewhere in Singapore for me to get.

So in case you're still not clued in: Sami Yusof is an England-based (if I'm not wrong) Muslim singer and musician and his songs are all about Islam, and it so so so rocks cause he sings in english, turkish, hindi and arabic (very international! anybody thinking world peace?), and the music is so good. He did a collaboration with Outlandish once too.

This one, Hasbi Rabbi, is still one of his best IMO; (it was one of the first). The music video is damn nice too; and I realise I've been to all the places featured in it! I'm quite the traveller. Watch it!

Finished Oliver Twist. And I think I surprised myself cause I actually found Dickens extremely funny at parts. He makes humour using exaggeration and seemingly matter-of-fact statements. Oh man. I'm incapable of describing it.

"It was all Mrs Bumble. She would do it," urged Mr Bumble; first looking around to ascertain that his partner had left the room.

"That is no excuse," replied Mr Brownlow. "You were present on the occasion of the destruction of these trinkets, and indeed are the more guilty of the two, in the eye of the law; for the law supposes that your wife acts under your direction."

"If the law supposes that," said Mr Bumble, squeezing his hat emphatically in both hands, "the law is a ass - a idiot. If that's the eye of the law, the law is a bachelor; and the worst I wish the law is, that his eye may be opened by experience - by experience."

~ 'Oliver Twist' by Charles Dickens

HAHA.

I watched Planet Earth tonight and it was so gorgeous. I don't see how one can watch these things and not entertain the notion of becoming a zoologist or a photographer for national geographic or something.

My math professor is weird extraordinaire. He is the most absent-minded, dazed, in-his-own-world professor I've encountered so far. Lawton was strange and absent-minded, but this guy is weirder! But still adorable in a grandfather sort of way. He rambles indefinitely, to the incontrollable laughter of some of us. I have a theory that mathematicians are more prone to losing their screws in old age. Not like real psychatric mad; but just mad as in weird. It must be all those numbers they immerse themselves in their entire lives. You've got to temper them with words and a nice dose of television, or else you might go bonkers.

I'm experiencing a healthy bout of optimism this week. It must be the effects of a new semester. All brand new hopes, rainbows over every module, nice blank white paper for scribbling, and calenders with empty slots begging to be filled. Dear God, let this feeling last.

ohmygosh. I love James McAvoy. He is so good at what he does, and so funny. I just watched the most entertaining interview - him on Parkinson. He is just hilarious.

I really should phase out my movie-watching habit, now that term has started. But man, this is my drug, and thence damn hard to kick.

And oh, Amir Fadl is coming to KL in Feb! I am both excited and apprehensive. Really. I never know how to feel around him, cause I think he can just see completely through me, and that makes me truly nervous. Just goes to show how much of my true self I ever display freely to others. And anyway, it is so uber scary to speak to him at all.

Bumped into Cikgu Fadilah at buona vista MRT yesterday. Chance encounters always leave me slightly baffled, because I am always, against my better judgement, inclined to take meaning from it, believing in the whole nothing-is-coincidence concept. Cikgu looked mostly the same, and inquired after the rest of the batch. I told her what I knew. She seemed a little distracted, like maybe the remembrance of RJ was not pleasant at all. I think she hated RJ with a vengeance. I really don't blame her. I am conscious of my brain slowly whitewashing my JC years (especially when I see my sister doing Orientation stuff and I recall how fun Jaxoras was), but if I remember accurately, there were numerous moments of absolute fear, frustration, stupidity and bleakness.

I was just thinking the other day, how every little incident that happens, I try to fit into the big jigsaw that is life. How, at every turn of the time, I'm trying to figure out life. And yesterday, I was struck by the horrifying thought that I would still be figuring out life on my deathbed. But then maybe, life is about figuring out life, eh? I mean, religion can teach you one thing, but you still, somehow, gotta figure some things out for yourself. And man, if you know what I'm talking about, you'd know how exhausting it is. It's just one theory after another.

And now, I'm thinking, it's true about the cliche: hope is kind of the whole point. Because it can be bleak, bleak, bleak and ultra bleak, but as long as there's that glimmer of hope, that one shining ray of a better future, humanity does not give up. So, in line with my human nature and against calculated logic, I hope. And get disappointed. And hope again. Life in a nutshell, I guess.

I was rummaging through my favourites folder and found something I should have shared long ago. >.< It is hilarious. It's an article from an online newspaper, the San Francisco Chronicle. The writer comes up with her own list of the Sexiest Men Alive, in response to People Magazine. And she includes:

Totoro (animated forest spirit, Hayao Miyazaki's "My Neighbor Totoro"): He's not really a man; he's more a giant, furry Blob of Cute, but he can fly. He belongs in the sky. We could belong to each other.

ohmygosh, no! Haven't I said many times - his teeth are too chompy! haha!


Eunice will be happy to note that Nadal made her list, with the interesting comment: Rafael Nadal (tennis star): The hair is bothersome, but the bottom is gold.

Mr Darcy also made it, DUH. He's on everyone's list, no? She said: Nastiness redeemed is an aphrodisiac. - to which I have no objections whatsoever. And in which case, DT!Draco, Lymond and Logan Echolls would also qualify. She also has Darth Maul included, despite absence of redemption. (Red with black stripes is not my style, unfortunately.) Also: Heathcliff, Holmes, Haldir (an LotR elf), and haha, Atticus Finch.

Where is Dean Winchester, I say.

Okay, I know I need to lighten up! :P I try, I do.

Met up with Hudy and Khairiah, then Sowmya and Jean today. Sowmya is moving to Melbourne! :( Why do people keep going away. And the next time I see her? Indefinite.

Gained some good perspective today. Thumbs up for me.

School starting in a few days. I'm bracing myself. Keeping fear at bay is my utmost priority.

I also have come to realise that I am slowly but certainly outgrowing this blog. I can no longer write in it. The last entry, which had heartfelt sentiments, was up for a mere half hour before I dumped it into the drafts folder. I've become more uptight than before or something. Anything that's remotely personal doesn't belong on this screen anymore. I no longer feel comfortable being honest here. I've grown to become more private, at the least; more of a recluse, at the worst. oh well. I say give it another year, and we'll see if this blog still survives.

That's why I talk about film and tv more than anything else, I suppose. It's the only thing I allow myself to express freely about here.

Watched Atonement. (Honestly, this December break tops all my hols for most watched movies and tv shows.) Briefly: a little nuisance of a girl makes up lies about people, with terrible consequences. Also, a love story. (So you can just put two and two together, eh?)

There was a severely draggy part somewhere in the middle of the movie, and you normally don't hear the comment 'draggy' from me. So, yes, it was draggy. And slightly confusing. It was jumpy, and abrupt at parts, so you're left wondering for a few seconds at every new scene: "What on earth has happened???" If I could pick one word to describe the movie, I'd agree with most reviews: COLD. It's a movie that'll leave you COLD inside. It was like, "Okay, here's the bitter truth of this story. It's horrible. And here are more horrible things. Life is tragic, so deal." At the end, I felt bleak. Not sad, just BLEAK. I'd rather you make me cry properly.

But the filming was still beautiful. Gorgeous, gorgeous scenery and sets. With a 5.5 minute film track that reviews are raving about. People are also raving about Knightley's amazing green gown. ohmygosh, I agree. The gown was a spectacular green.

Overall, it was still worth a watch though because period pieces are always a must-see for me. And James McAvoy is always great to watch. (: And although it was bleak, it was something different.

Okay, I so need to watch a bouncy, happy, definitely-happy-ending romance.

Finished reading Zorro! I liked it! The ending was a bit unsatisfying, but I still liked it. Now I need to dig up my old Zorro videos and rewatch! Yayness. I like reading a lot of things, but yes, I have resigned myself to the fact that I'm a hopeless romantic with a weakness for swashbuckling heroes. :P

Decided to take time off from USP this sem. Will see how it goes. I decided the stress might not be all that worth it. I mean, really, if I develop a tumour before I even graduate, what's the point, right? I need to learn to take some perspective this year. Also! 2008 shall be the year I strive to clear my clutter. Because I read in today's paper that mess and clutter is sometimes a serious psychological problem; and it confirmed my suspicions. I always felt my clutter was my way of expressing my deep discontent of something; or like a reflection of my incessant habit of sweeping things under the rug. BESIDES - this lady was reported to have cleaned her clutter and lost 22.5kg as well! Definitely gotta try.

And I watched the movie Accepted, starring Justin Long - loved it! Briefly: a guy got rejected by all the colleges he applied to and faked an acceptance letter to deceive his parents. The lie grew into a 'real' school with 'real' students. It was hilarious, and very relatable. It touched me deep cause I was already suffering a college life crisis, and it just came at the right time. It made me feel less alone.

Anyway, lepak-ing at ami omar's place again; and we're listening to the chipmunk version of today's pop hits. hee, it is cute.

I am happy because I finally managed to put together my ISM proposal for the professor. What a relief. Now I'll wait and see if he agrees.

Anyway, beware because I am about to go into a tv rant in a moment. I've figured I'm an obsession junkie of sorts. At any point in time, ever since forever, I have been obsessed over one thing or another. It's like I live on my obsessions. HP, of course, as an example, was the major obsession of my teen years. And then there was Lymond, another major obsession. And then I have minor obsesssions in between. You get the picture. Right now, it's Supernatural. And my, do the fan discussions drive me mad. They do.

I JUST. Feel like strangling some of them. They keep bashing the girls on the show and by extension they are bashing their own favourite show, and don't they know they're endangering the lifespan of the show by doing so? Grr. I mean, I've been watching Season 3 right, and my first response was all, "Ohmygod, I love it even more now! They totally upped the special effects!" (Seriously, episode 2 freaked me to no end.) Then, I came online to read fan forums and ohmegad, the bashing. People were just simply COMPLAINING LEFT AND RIGHT. Bela sucks. Katie Cassidy sucks. Not funny enough. And you have those irritating ones who dismissively declare how they couldn't care less if the show got cancelled anymore since Kripke messed with the perfect brother formula of season one, and the snappy dialogue was gone, and they just want them to ditch the girls.

OMG, SHADDAP I SAY. If you couldn't care less, why are you even bothering to be at the fan forums??? It's like no one is bothering to say anything good, despite the fact that it's a freaking fanforum!

They already managed to write off Jo (although I pray she comes back one day). But if these dumb fans become the reason for the non-materialisation of season 4, I will scream bloody murder.

My brother complained how all I ever blog about is school. Or tv, evinced by this entry. school. tv. more school. tv. occasional family event. book review. tv. exam. tv. No long posts about big gathering of friends, or outings, or picnics, or parties. If it makes me a geek, so be it. I've realised I like myself better this way anyway.

I met up with my primary school friends today! And my - I had a blast. We talked SO MUCH. It felt so nice. I hadn't met up with Delfina in like forever and I forgot how much of a chatterbox she was! And me, yus and her sat at TM starbucks talking until dusk. We laughed over sweet primary school memories. I think my primary school had really nice kids; tampines street 11 had really nice kids. I'm so glad we made the effort to keep in touch, even though full-attendance gatherings still haven't materialised.

Happy new year everyone. (: Hopefully, good things are ahead for me. Somehow.

What's this business about profesors insisting they be called by their first names, huh? Like Daniel. And then Patrick. I mean, it feels weird. Cause I've grown up calling any authority figure with, at the very least, a Mister before their names. And now, anytime I send an email to a professor and address them respectfully as such (practically begging for help with ISMs and UROPs and whatnot and then receiving minimal rsponses, but that's another story), they send back emails signed off with "Cheers, Daniel!" or "Regards, Patrick." And then the next time I attempt to send an email, I fret over what to address them. Usually, I eventually settle with a neutral and simple "Hi".

I know this friendly-first-name-addressing is supposed to encourage a camraderie of some sort between faculty and students, but I say again: it is weird. I'm just not used to it. Although, I sort of got used to calling Daniel, Daniel, seeing as how the long US trip did make us all friendly with each other. oh well.

On semester one results: appallingly bad. CAP now lower than ever and I had a bad day trying to get over it and convince myself that there's still a future for me.

2008 Resolutions: Be very hardworking, till there's no space left for worrying about not being hardworking enough. And make money for distant-future holiday plans.

Finally, I've decided to add an entry after a drought of blogging. Before I jump in with the Morocco photos, can I just say first that I am slowly going nuts with planning my independent study modules. I feel like I'm swimming in a big pile of confusing rubbish, trying to figure out what to do. ah sigh - life takes courage, it does. Meeting a professor tomorrow to discuss; please don't let him think I'm a hopeless blurblob.

anyway. photos!

The family sending us all off at the airport. Also bumped into Kak naz, who was on the way to India!


In Hassan II Mosque, the 3rd largest in the world. Extremely pretty.


Exterior of Hassan II.


Hassan II from afar. And Ahmad making a fuss.


El fresco seafood lunch


The guard at the royal mausoleum


Terrace photo at Helnan Chellah Hotel in Rabat




Our first Moroccan tajine dish: with lots of potato and mutton.


Mint Tea, poured by Eddie Murphy lookalike.


I love this photo! Spot the doggie.


Volubilis, ancient roman city.




Scenic stopover


We stopped to pet the camels! But yes, we were still freaked a little by them.


THe famous Jamaa El-Fna in Marrakesh. The place is all hustle and bustle.


Desert scenery.


That's all I have patience for, I'm sorry. Haha. I still have the video to work on, and my gosh - just thinking about it makes me tired. Why do I have to be so goddamn ambitious all the time when I know all along I'm part-sloth? I keep thinking things, but not doing them.

But nevermind: positive thinking yields positive results!

OHMYGOSH! I am soooo proud of Hady!!! The screaming in my house rivaled the time Taufik won idol. I screamed like crazy! I mean, it was totally unexpected, totally unbelievable. You have the Indian Idol there, with about a billion supporters, and the Indonesian Idol, who was on his own turf. Not to mention the judges constantly trumping how EEEEVeryone else had fantastic voices, lightly dismissing hady and phuong vy (who is so superbly pretty, I think). Then Hady won! Like ohmygoodness. I think it was the shock of the year for Singapore. We were actually cheering for Abhijeet, cause we felt Hady had no chance, and we just didn't want Mike to win, cause it was irritating the way the Indonesian channel was so blatantly favouring him. But when Hady won: EUPHORIA yar! >.<

I want to be at the airport when he comes back to Singapore! When is he coming back!!!

Back from Morocco! I haven't uploaded photos onto my comp yet. I'm more occupied with trying to print them. My family has got the latest gadget - the canon photoprinter! which rocks. :) I really like. So now am on a new project, trying to make a scrapbook of Morocco. As if making the video wasn't enough work, I had to do something else! I am a nutcase sometimes.

In a nutshell, Morocco was: sweet and cosy. Mostly due to the small company (relatively so) - my family minus my brother, and ahmad and aunty jah. The weather was COLD. Surprisingly so. We saw camels again! And petted them. And lots of fluffy cats.

(I think I really, really want my own cat. But I digress.)

And the food was really shockingly not to our taste. Travel and living made all the food look deceptively delectable. But it really isn't something people in the far east can easily appreciate. The taste was just utterly... foreign. It's hard to explain. My dad was complaining how one of our fish dishes tasted like "ubat batuk ibu dan anak". Haha. And I really couldn't disagree all that much.

Architecture was gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. I especially like Volubilis, the Roman ruins. And I also like the Hassan Mosque in Casablanca; the third largest in the world and one of the most beautiful I've ever laid eyes on. And Marrakesh was a pretty sight too. I really will try to find time to post photos here amid my other projects.

Also, I have to confess here that Gossip Girl has gotten me too. It is just too juicy. What with all the pretty people and the gorgeous clothes to die for (yes, even I succumb!) and the crazily tangled relationships. But of all of the characters, it just had to be Chuck that I absolutely feel most for. And therefore love. He makes you want to strangle and hug him at the same time. I think DT!Draco probably ruined me forever. Ever since my 15-year-old self discovered the appeal of woobies, no matter what the story, I always find myself going for the bad boy with the bad reputation but misunderstood by the world. I really do wonder behind the psychology of it.

So anyway, I was just watching episode 10, and @_@. Please, Chuck. I need you on the show.

I dreamt I had a talking golden cat the other night! It was the prettiest thing. And when I woke up in the morning, all I wanted to do was go back to sleep so I could stroke its fur again. haha. It felt so silky in my dream. And it talked! Man. I so want a talking pet. Which of course doesn't exist. But I want one.

Today's LSM paper wasn't too bad. Mostly cause it was open book. Hah. The problem with open book exams though is the constant flutter of pages in the exam hall that is kind of distracting. And the extremely cluttered desk one has to contend with, what with two files and a big textbook.

Only math left. The worst left for last. But at least there's only 21 hours left to the end of exams (for me at least!) and happiness.

And I'm going to Morocco on Friday night too. So here's a public declaration that I won't be around from Dec 1st to Dec 9th, in case, for some reason I haven't anticipated, you want to look for me. I don't want what happened last time to happen again: when the linear gang wanted to have lunch and thought I'd turn up but then I was in Surabaya. :p

And oh, I already have at least one song I KNOW will have to be in the Morocco video: Taufik's Teman Istimewa! It is so bouncy and fun. I am excited about being a part-time filmmaker again. heh.

It's not fair! It doesn't seem fair! Practically two-thirds of my math module class scores 95 and above for both CAs. And there are definitely more than 10 people soring full marks for both. LIKE SERIOUSLY. Don't these people do anything other than math?! So that despite my scoring what are seemingly decent scores of 74 and 85, I sit at the 59th percentile of the class! That's like a C or something on the bell curve.

Somebody calm me down before I go strangle one of these people. It just makes my blood boil!

God knows I can't afford another C.

And today's LSM paper sucked! I just couldn't remember a lot of everything and was massaging my head in frustration throughout the paper, trying to recall.

I'm just so angry! And I know it's probably 95% my fault. Not Lawton's. Or the damn module itself. argh.

On better things: I'm set for Golden Compass with mumu and eunice. I shall bring the book on the trip to reread. ah yes. friday is so close and yet so far.

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eeeh. obviously wrong, I think, seeing as how more often than not, I don't know anything.

I have minimal time left to mug for metabolism! :s Last night I managed to eke out 8 and a half pages of words for the heritage paper. Again: :s. I actually need 10 pages!

I have photos of bubu's wedding and hashim's passing out parade. But I'll have to leave that for later. After I'm done with this week.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

e. e. cummings

I think it's one of the sweetest poems I've ever heard! I cried buckets when Cameron Diaz read it out at the end of In Her Shoes. Sister stories always strike a chord with me. Maybe it's because I do have my own sister, and sisterhood is a bond so tight. It's like, no matter how many friends you have, no matter how much time you spend talking with someone else instead, I feel like my sister is the only one who knows me best.

Or maybe I just love drama. ahah.

Marina Mahathir's coming to NUS to give a talk on Islam and AIDS. I want to go! She's a controversial person. Would be interesting to see her speak in person. But what bad timing, I ask you!!! It is the study week. I need the entire of it to finish my heritage paper and study for three finals. :s - chews lip incessantly - To go or not to go, that is the question. And must reply today! eesh.

Haven't I said many times before how I wish a day had 40 hours instead?

Eh, I like The Noose! If you didn't know, it's sort of a spoof of Singapore's local news, with crappy news stories (at 10pm on Sundays on channel 5). Of course some stuff are lame, but some are really quite original and funny. It's really great that we're learning to poke fun at ourselves. Learning to laugh at oneself is a sign of progress, ne? :)

Like they're saying the merlion is having a gender identity crisis. what is that lah. haha.

Also:

"Nobody studies political science just cause they like it! That's preposterous!"

omgosh. what am I doing, what am I doing, what am I doing!!! I need to severely bonk my head and wake up. And do something concrete.

Okay, things over the past few days:

1) Spent another whopping 12 hours on boinformatics project: from 10 to 10! nyeeaah. But thankfully, I think we're almost done and I'm just left with compiling.

2) Watched Lions for Lambs, which is a good story that I absolutely heart. (Goodness, when did I start speaking like this?) And the fact that the theatre had a magnificent total of less than 15 people (on a friday night, mind you! during the school holidays!) really proved the whole point about apathy. The story's all about how much people are actually doing to change things in this world. Very, very moving. And I love Meryl Streep - awesome.

3) Had the last tutorial for Politics of Heritage, in which Patrick told us of a professor in NUS who had the unshakeable opinion that the large majority of NUS are an "apathetic mediocrity". I was so incredibly affronted and angry by that. I resent that! I do! That is so very unfair - I think there are quite a few people I know who are not apathetic but are trying to find ways to be involved; to do things. And when I watched Lions for Lambs, it totally connected with me, and I got angry at that unnamed professor again.

4) Had liqa' last night at Ami Omar's place. After which we told ghost stories until I had nightmares last night.

5) Speaking of ghost stories, my bioinfo team mates were in LT25 at night and started telling each other ghost stories and we started getting freaked out. Then Thaharah went to switch off the lights and we screamed! I never thought of Thaharah as a prankster before then. It reminded me how you should never underestimate people in general. haha.

6) I am slowly getting excited about Morocco. :) Ahmad says it's about 12 degrees. Might be even colder in the mountainous regions. I'm already having vague plans of how this holiday video will turn out. yay.

7) I have decided that my new year resolution for 2008, and for which I will start working on starting this moment, is to be: HARDWORKING. I was thinking how, when I was bored last night, that playing doesn't excite me anymore. I want to try to achieve goals instead. Maybe that'll give me more satisfaction, Allah willing.

Toodles.

My math professor is a serious nutcase! But also very amusing. He refuses to give answers to our review questions. And insists we work on them. People complain they couldn't see the board during lecture and that the webcast quality is bad (this means I'm screwed) and still he refuses to relent. Man.

The problem that you cite below : "it is impossible for the students to see from the back."

has the following solution:

LET STUDENTS SIT IN THE FRONT ROWS.

This solution is based on the physics of wave propagation. First, luminosity decreases with the squared distance between the board and the student. Second, the area subtended on a students retina by a letter or mathematical symbol written on the board also decreases with the squared distance between the board and the student. Third, the absorbtion and scattering, especially of shorter wavelength blue and green colors, by molecules comprising the atmosphere, increases monotonically with increasing distance between the board and the student.


ah. isn't uni life so exciting? such sarcastic professors.

dear prof. sitting in front wouldn't be a solution because the lecture is OVER to begin with! I am dead.

Got distracted with the stuff I've saved on my comp. Like my quotes etc. Want to post one that made me laugh again. haha.

"Excuse me, your highness. I thought I made it clear that it wasn’t my journey. She made up her mind to get to the capitol, I was just along for the ride because my home was gone."

"You spent a week traveling with Sakura and risking your life just because you had no home?"

"Well, no. I guess I felt sorry for her, a little. I mean, she had no idea how to get to the capitol, and she was helpless in the countryside."

"Uh-huh. So you stayed by her, and protected her?"

"That’s right."

"All the time?"

The prince must be pretty appreciative, thought Li, and nodded.

"All the time." He was surprised when Tory yanked on his shirt and pushed him up against the wall.

"So you slept with her?"

"No!"

"So you did leave her alone!"

"No!"

"Well, which is it?"

~ Heir to the Kingdom by Peacewish

In the midst of her Olevels, my sister completely forgot about her madrasah exam. @_@ ahah. And is now cramming everything within a day of study. But I think it's okay. God will forgive honest slips of the mind.

Went out for dinner last night and met up with aunts and company. I do miss having fun. Sometimes I wonder if I'll just become a half-machine if I coop myself up constantly. My sis and me decided that Umar is our most kawaii cousin, both looks and personality-wise. Haha. Yesterday, cause his dad wasn't around, he was offering to pay his share of the dinner. My sis and me immediately went, "Cuuuuuutttteee!" And when he grows up even more and grows even that much taller than he is now, he'll be even more kawaii, what with his semi-mat-salleh looks.

Can anyone tell that I'm trying to avoid doing work? Nyyeeeah. 3 weeks to end of november.

Went for the Tony Blair talk. I'm glad I went. I think it made me realise some things. Like maybe a global utopia is possible. (Okay, maybe not a utopia, but something halfway there.) Like it doesn't matter if you're Jew and I'm Muslim, we can hug anyway. (Honestly, I don't think I can. Not out of any true feeling of animosity; just that I'd be too weirded out. haha.) And all countries will have responsible, selfless, non-corrupt leaders. And people by the millions won't have to die of preventable causes and diseases, as documentaries often lament.

oh man, who are we kidding.

optimism! We must have that!

I think politicians are generally very idealistic and optimistic people. Unless they're faking it, of course, and they're just in it for the money and fame. :| gasp. haha.

Sometimes, I think I'd probably be a plebeian if I were to be put in old Rome. I'm too easily swayed by words. Hm.

I think I said we already had our last day in the biochem lab. But today we painstakingly went back again to redo our SDS gel electrophoresis. And our hard work paid off in the end. Because we managed to get protein from all our chromatographic batches!!!

:))))))))))))))))))

ohmygod. People probably don't get why I'm so nerdily happy about this. But it was just SO INSANELY IMPOSSIBLE before this to detect the minimal protein content from our ion exchange column. We were giving up on it and speculating that we majorly screwed it up despite the fact that we repeated the ion exchange THREE TIMES, okay. But I am so happy because we could detect the enzyme band on the gel, faint as it was, at 6 pm today. And this means we did it right!

yay yay yay.

And Wei Chieh actually brought the gel back home to take a proper photo of it (cause the lab camera sucks) and he wrote on the gel container, "Our Pride". heh, so funny! Many groups didn't manage to get pretty gels like we did, so our gel is entitled to such a name. Hee.

After days and hours of toiling in the lab and breathing chemicals every day and exposing ourselves to carcinogenic polyacrylamide, a beautiful gel means a lot.

Only little more than a week left to the end of sem. I think I worked really hard this semester. Although I'm still flailing in numerical analysis and much of my projects still remain incomplete, I hold much hope for my cap and my future this time.

hooray again for our SDS gel! Lalala.

And oh, am excited for the Tony Blair talk at NUS on friday! Managed to get the invite. yay yay yay.

I thought this was cool and very fascinating, although in his book, The God Delusion, Richard Dawkins seemingly dismissed it all together, as he does such a priori (go look this up) arguments about God.

You know the formula, m over nought equals infinity, m being any positive number? Well, why not reduce the equation to a simpler form by multiplying both sides by nought. In which case you have m equals infinity times nought. That is to say that a positive number is the product of zero and infinity. Doesn't that demonstrate the creation of the universe by an infinite power out of nothing? Doesn't it?

From Aldous Huxley's Point Counter Point

You know, I keep telling myself things like, "I am going to fnish my math assignment by tonight if it kills me." Or "I will DIE DIE study biochem tonight." But then, I fail to do what I intended to anyway, and I realise that, GASP: I have become immune to death threats. Waaha.

I try to amuse myself, I do.

Today was crazily exhausting though strangely satisfying. somewhat. My bioinformatics project team worked for 12 hours from 9 to 9 on a saturday! We sat in the science library the whole time. >_< Is that nuts or what. I am so damn crazy tired. But I feel a little accomplished and a little good cause we managed to progress with our project. Like they say, hard work is gratifying in its own way.

And I'm thinking that maybe, it's good to want to do many things in life. I just want to be colourful that way.

okay, am soooo sleepy. I need to reduce the size of my eyebags and get some serious rest.

I got asked by two different people today: "What's your ambition?" And both times I said, "I wish I knew."

I wish I could say, I want to be a doctor, a scientist, a teacher, or at least something! And stop straddling boundaries and going back and forth over decisions and agonize over every choice that I make. I can burst into tears thinking about these things and I just wish wish wish I could figure things out. Because wishy-washy is not a good way to be in this world.

Actually, I do have dreams of what I want to do, but those are unfeasible things. Like, I want to build a library. Like a real library where knowledge is treasured and revered; not the cold, impersonal, irritating, overcrowded pseudo-libraries we have in Singapore, in which people are actually forbidden from studying. What nonsense, I tell you.

And none of this business about competition and chasing after paper qualifications. I am just truly sick to my stomach over it.

Amityville Horror is scary. >.<

We finally had our supposed last day in the lab today. And honestly, I don't care if I don't ever hear of enzyme purification again. -______-

I also need to be very very much kinder to myself. sigh sigh sigh.

OHMYGOD. There are too many math freaks in this world! I cannot compete with math freaks. I will die.

I love this poem we did in secondary school.

I AM

by John Clare

I am: yet what I am none cares or knows.
My friends forsake me like a memory lost,
I am the self-consumer of my woes -
They rise and vanish in oblivious host,
Like shadows in love's frenzied, stifled throes -
And yet I am, and live- like vapors tossed

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dreams,
Where there is neither sense of life or joys,
But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems;
Even the dearest, that I love the best,
Are strange - nay, rather stranger than the rest.

I long for scenes, where man hath never trod,
A place where woman never smiled or wept -
There to abide with my Creator God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,
Untroubling, and untroubled where I lie,
The grass below - above the vaulted sky.

Went for the global education seminar on the UN millenium development goals today. And I decided to join ONE singapore (whose goal is to make poverty history, in case you didn't know), despite not really knowing how strongly I can contribute. I don't know... Eunice and me kept talking about the efficacy of all such movements, especially on an individual level, but at least, we do something anyway, you know?

And just so I remember, and just so you know as well, the UN Millenium Development Goals (by 2025) are:

1) Eradicate extreme poverty and hunger.
2) Make primary education universal.
3) Achieve gender equality and empower women.
4) Reduce child mortality
5) Improve maternal health
6) Combat HIV/AIDS, malaria and other diseases
7) Ensure environmental sustainability
8) Develop a global partnership for development

I keep wanting to dedicate time to doing good works but... it's always easier said than done. As it is, I'm dying under the pile of work I have to do. And I'm always so bogged down that I can barely keep promises. I think I'm inadvertently making people hate me along the way.

Ah sigh.

After a whole day of talks and powerpoint slides, Eunice and me had BK for dinner and talked about random stuff: Religion, as per our usual, and how pharmacy is horrid and my lab sessions are killing me and how much we want a holiday. And oh yes, I finally passed Eunice her birthday present.

Speaking of which, my brother's spending his birthday in some forest in Taiwan. Poor boy.

34 more days! To a brief escape. :) I wait, I hope.

I was watching Isaac on E! today. And he brought a flirtologist on the show. Apparently, there's such a thing. So, he was asking her for tips (despite him being gay and all, or rather because. anyway.) and she was saying how, in essence, it is the girl that makes the first move.

Like if a girl sees a cute guy across a room, she has to look at him in the eye and smile. Look away momentarily perhaps, but look him in the eye again, and smile.

LIKE WHAT THE HELL.

That little bit of eyeing and smiling is the invitation that has to be put forth first. Then the guy would know you were okay with him coming over if he was interested.

NYEEEAAAAH.

That's it then.

I'm doomed.

HAHA.

Nak main mata?!?!?!?! Me?!?!?! That would be the day.

Also, stupid people need to stop saying things like "If you were to look for where Al Qaeda is going to find its bomb, it's right in their backyard - in Pakistan." Don't these people know that such unfounded accusations have massive repercussions??? Haven't we learnt enough from the past? This time, it's just a Newsweek article. But the next thing you know, Bush is scrawling Pakistan down on his list. SIGH.

In math lab right now.

I really really wish my life revolves around more than my modules. But it just does! And I can barely do anything about it.

Got the lowest of the low marks for my math homework assignment. And what did I do? Laugh. I'm not sure if this is good or not. It's good cause it did not drive me to self-injury but it's bad cause maybe I'm really starting to not care or something.

CANNOT. I cannot NOT care.

I was thinking yesterday, amidst rushing between serving drinks in the kitchen and blasting DNA sequences in the bedroom: what would happen if I simply stopped caring? The first thing that came to mind: BLISS. To just let go! And not try so hard. I could take life less seriously. Be more light-hearted maybe.

But then. I think I can never make myself do that. Too much of a coward, partly. (Change is scary.) And partly, I just don't know how! How do you not care. I am never happy until I can be as good as I am able to be. Which explains why I'm usually dissatisfied. Because I think I know I'm underperforming or something.

You can DO this. You can, you can, you can. Repeat that mantra. Andrew Matthews says that your physical reality gravitates to your dominant thoughts.

I can't help but want to bitch bout school. -__- I've been sitting at raffles place macs, mostly by my lonesome, working on our politics of heritage presentation, for near five hours.

What life is this! I missed out on jalan raya again! EEEESSSH.

School is making me even more antisocial.

And then, after this, I still need to work on bioinformatics project. I need to start blasting those DNA sequences.

I keep trying to recall how I pictured 20-year-old me when I was 7. I think I imagined something more.

Hotmail is also being a bitch. It won't let me attach our project ppt! for god's sake.

My fries have become ice-cold! >.<

Okay, I shall stop being an annoying whiner and go home.

Why is it that there will always be people intent on burtsing your bubble? :( All bubble bursters should be put into a big black box and never shown the light of day.

Anyway. Finally got a new phone but then stupidly lost all my contacts again. I really thought I had saved it into my SIM card this time. But apparently not. -__- So please please please, if you're my friend and you happen upon this entry, leave your name and number in my guestbook if it's not too much trouble! thank you.

spent ages in the lab today. But spent the first two hours scrambling to finish my math homework while the guys did the assays. I have been having a seriously perpetual headache since morning and it does not dissipate. I think I lack sleep. AGAIN. Experimental biochemistry is a pain in the head, neck, shoulders and eyes.

OHMYGOD.

What did I ever do to become embroiled in a net this complicated.

It's been a happy, happy eid. :)

(Despite the list of foreboding deadlines I have to face.)

It's just been great. And I can't quite pinpoint the reason it's been better than most years. Maybe it's the fact that Ami Akar's family has been going around with us again lately, and I so so miss the talk and the laughs. Like tonight: we were sitting for hours, rehashing old stories and laughing our asses off. My my. I miss this.

okay. Words always fail to express good times sufficiently. So here come photos.

Starting with raya morning at ghufran, overflowing as usual. (I swear, I don't understand why they fail to add more mats every year; they KNOW it's going to be crazily overcrowded.)









This lady was sitting next to me. I sneaked a photo of her - so khusyuk lah.





ohmygosh. Can you feel the love on eid? :)) It's just everywhere.









The family portraits!



Beloved granny and me.


I think this is a cool shot of the boys; they all have unique positions. So natural.


Mandatory sibling shot. My brother is so ridiculous with those shades.


Ex-tutee and me. We were also supposed to partner up at Bubu's wedding as receptionists, but then plans changed. So sayang! Umar grew up nicely lah. :p


Another nice shot of the boys.


Okay. That's all I have time for now. So much work once tomorrow comes, but tonight I'm good.(:

I've been reading this book on happiness by Andrew Matthews. And it talked about how, when you want something badly, the universe will undoubtedly be against you. And it will remain against you, and you will agonize and bitch and moan. But if you still insist you want it and work your ass off for it, and say, "Go to hell, cosmic conspiracy, I want this!" and fight for your dream even when things look 100% bleak, then the universe will look down on you, know that it has fully tested the extent of your ambition and desire, and finally smile and relent. And then you'll have what you so desperately want.

I was watching the finale episode of 'How I Met Your Mother' on StarWorld the other night and Ted totally illustrated with absolute vividness, the above theory. He went so far as to rain dance on top of a building so that it'd rain and Robin could be prevented from going camping with some other guy. Ahah. And it did rain.

Iftar at our house again today.

It's funny how math can make me laugh so. Prof Lawton is just so absent-mindedly hilarious! And he barely ever succeeds explaining anything intelligibly. So far, any concept I've managed to grasp has been a result of my own perusal of the textbook or Bertrand's explanations in tutorial. He'll explain all the useless stuff we obviously get and gloss over the difficult math concepts. Gah! But still, it's hard to hate him because he's so adorably uncle-like and funny.

But Lawton and his antics aside, math is still amusing because there will always come a point in an incomprehensible lecture or class where one utterly gives up and tunes out, and starts seeing all the scary math equations in a humourous light. Like during tutorial, I'll turn to Pi Quet on my left, and say, "Do you get any of this?" He'll say, "No!" And I'll go, "Me neither! HAHAHAHA!" Really, the numbers on the board start to look truly like squiggles. How mathematicians can survive all their lives immersed in a whole other 'language' is out-of-this-world.

Anyway, horrible metabolism test today. The moment I saw the first question, I knew I was doomed. Because I made the mistake of underestimating MCQs - they can be formidable. So I barely scraped through with a passing grade whilst others got decent 16/20s.

Bioinformatics test tomorrow. Umi is being nice and giving me a reprieve from the kitchen just so I can prepare. So, if I do badly, I'll feel ten times worse, cause I can't blame it on the dishes. Damn.

Lymond a Mary-Sue? haha! Never thought of him that way! Read: The Dread Mary Sue

I think he almost is one; almost, almost! :p Perfect almost beyond compare. But because Dunnett rocks and manages to make him real despite his enormous talents, with believable flaws, makes him commit hideous mistakes and makes him suffer accordingly, I'm more inclined to fit him in the hero-archetype category.

I have decided to be happy. I will learn to be happy. I can be happy. I have decided to escape life-rut once and for all. :)

I have a ton-load of math to work through though. And an essay. And three tests to study for. And an SEP I can't seem to successfully plan. And poor job prospects. And falling CAP. And a sad social life. But I will not let happiness slip away, so help me god. >_<

I think I'm having a somewhat non-blogging phase right now. I don't feel like sharing my thoughts. At all. Gandhi says: It's better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you're not. aiyah, but it's always easier said than done.

anyway, since it's Ramadhan and all, here's a link: Quran Explorer It's beyond fantastic. You can choose the reciter, the translation and browse through any surah or chapter with a click of the mouse. The internet is magic, don't you think?

Abah came back today! :))) Umi and me took the bus to terminal 2. And Sani Hussain took the same bus as us. We keep seeing him lah! The other time it was at the coffeeshop. But I pretended not to recognise him. And my mum truly didn't. My brother wasn't around to say hi anyway, so we ignored him. Besides, he was wearing sunglasses - which ultimately mean "Stay away from me."

Abah's luggage seriously weighed 35kg or stg. I could barely drag it okay, let alone lift it in any way. It was worse than my US luggage (which I couldn't lift up the train steps to get to San Fran; uber embarassing). And he bought scarves and brooches for us and arabic cartoons for me. haha yay. I really want to improve my arabic. Also, he took photos of a Hotel Shamiah and a Shamiah shopping centre. Apparently, there's a whole place there called Shamiah. Ahah.

Today, I was really sleeping on my feet. Well, almost. Was half-sleeping in the train to school, was sleeping during biocomp lec, and was really dozing off on a study table for an hour after that. Then, slogged through lab with eyes barely open. Electrophoresis is shit work. The machine keeps conking every other try, so that one has to redo the freaking thing all over again. And we got dismal lab report marks.

But, on a lighter note! Eli is going to send me the movie Sunshine that he has on his comp! Yay. I hope he remembers. Been wanting to watch it since forever. :p

Am dreading politics of heritage lesson for once. And I don't think I wanna explain why. Everything is such a muddle, really.

I was whining tonight too. I was doing my normal cryptic whining. "I don't want to fight anymore..." Then my mum surprisingly responded, "Fight what?" And I simply repeated, "I don't want to fight anymore." I couldn't begin to tell her. Fight what? It's hard to say in so many words. (Besides, I have no intention of overloading this entry with emotional regurgitations.) You know what I keep picturing heaven to be? Just me laying down and looking up at the sky, and knowing the battle is over.

Having math lecture now, but my eyes, awake since 4.30 this morning, are dying to close. -_- Zzzz.

I am happy today because I finally got my birthday present from the birds! (5 months late! haha.) A watch! Obviously, they know my watch status is pathetic. I am currently wearing a $10 watch. heh. so yay! :)

We also grilled pigey. very painfully, I must say. :p She was so uncomfortable, she wanted to fiddle with everything she could get her hands on.

Today I feel like Robin Stewart, contemplating the genius that is Lymond. Sometimes people can be overly brilliant. Ah sigh.

And oh my god. I give up already lah okay. fine fine. we're not a malay country. no point fighting already.

I want to post the entry I contributed at my politics of heritage module forum. Cause I feel for it. So here.

It is difficult to address the issue of legitimacy, because essentially, we have to define what is right and what is wrong. And obviously, not everyone can agree on that. For instance, is the creation of the Israeli State justified? Sure, prehistory confirms that it is so. But at the expense of another country? At the expense of other peoples' homes? If we were to take the Israeli state concept and apply it elsewhere, then wouldn't the Native Americans say, have the right to rule USA, because America is technically theirs?

Singapore is of course, the exact opposite of Israel (despite Lee Kuan Yew's awe of the latter). We are not built on a long ancient history. The majority of Singaporeans are not natives. We came from elsewhere and we have settled here and called this place home. Imagine if the Orang Laut, an imaginary Singaporean version of Israelis on their return to motherland, claimed rule over Singapore - would we concede? I doubt so. So whose is Singapore? Does Singapore belong to the people who helped develop it or does it belong to the people who first originated from this land? Or maybe the most essential question is: Does conquering a piece of land immediately imply ownership? I can't even begin to assert my own opinion on this because I am completely torn about it. The Orang Laut would say, "You stole Singapore from us!" And we'd say, "You weren't here to defend it! And we made Singapore what it is today!" It just seems like an impossible situation!

After discussion in class, I went home to ask my mum, feeling quite bothered, "Singapore is originally a Malay country, right?" My mother replied with a vehement, "Yes!" And I told her, "Well, despite the way you always seem to put it, I don't think it's common knowledge at all!" Quite frankly, I feel very appalled, at the disparity of opinions within my household and within class. No one seemed very ready to say that the Orang Laut were essentially Malays, more than anything else, despite the obvious fact that the term "Orang Laut" itself is of the Malay language. The issue seems somewhat scary, and one has to tiptoe around it. It is starting to appear to me, that the term Orang Laut has been conveniently used to displace the roots of the Malays. Oh sure, quite a number of them were from Malaysia, technically not Singapore itself, and some from Indonesia, but surely, surely, there are indigenous Malays amongst them. But I think if you were to ask a Malay if he was a Native, he'd be confused and say no. I'm not sure what to make of it - state success in rewriting Singapore history perhaps, or are Malays really not natives of Singapore at all?

Of course it would be disadvantageous for Singapore to refer to the distant past with regards to our nationality. We'd be going back to talk of Majapahit eras and their ruling of the entire archipelago, and Malay folk tales of Hang Tuah, Hang Jebat and other Malay warriors. Doing so would backfire on Singapore's racial harmony concept; Malays would perhaps realise that they had more reason to live in Singapore; they'd demand more, perhaps; more rights, more power. Prehistory would favour the Malays. But certainly, starting the 1800s, all the races would be on better footing; we'd all be on par. So that's where our nation-state takes the start of Singapore history.

Kohl and Fawcett brings up the dilemma that "minority groups, particularly indigenous peoples, face when they assert their claims over the remains of a past used by the majority population to create an image of the nation's bi-cultural or multi-cultural identity". I can understand that. Because while Malays would claim that Singapore's distant past belongs to them, Singapore today however, isn't entirely theirs. It's a difficult situation and I think will remain so.

Am finally clearing my hotmail inbox. The amount of undeleted mail is incredible. Then I discovered why I saved certain emails - cause they're sweet and I can be sentimental. But I've decided to be brutal and delete them anyway. So here's some stuff that I've decided to salvage... This one's from my sis while I was in the US.

I am chatting with you, yet you are not chatting. Think umi like really misses you and abang. It's quite funny. She stones in the little spaces of time she has. Then she'll say: "Kakak tengah tidur, kakak tengah kat campus sekarang." and so on. Just informing you that you're being missed.

And this one's from Eunice when we were discussing US holiday:

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. You're thinking, "Eeeks! How can I get to SF from Stanford on my own!! My parents will freak out! I will freak out!!!" (Or something along those lines. :D) DON'T PANIC.

Haha. Ended up taking the train with Christine anyway.

Iftar at our house tonight! :)

I dreamt I bought some bisphosphoglycerate tea (ahahahah! metabolism module obviously getting to me) and that my multiculturalism essay received an impossible A++ grade. (Yes, there really were two pluses!) And that Nerney marked it, not Daniel. Man, I wish I wish.

Went to the airport today to send Daddy off for his Ramadhan Umrah. Jealous jealous! Hopefully, I'll get to go again someday. I was telling my sis:

Me: You know what. I think the only time I was really really happy was when I was there. I mean, it wasn't really a high, I wasn't having the kind of high that rollercoasters can give you. But I was content and really happy. Despite, I remember vividly, having to study for freaking prelims and lugging my chem textbook. I was just really... happy.

Sis: It's called peace.

Me: YAR! Peace! That's it!

Heehee. But really. Peace is so hard to find.

Anyway, I also wish I was more affectionate like my sis. I take afer my dad too much (his fault, I say!). When she hugged him today, she immediately said, "I love you." She made it easier for me to tell him I love him too.

Airports are places brimming with love.

***

On other shocking news: pigey! goodnessgracious. I told Duckie today that we should make a pact. Should any of us friends undergo anything major in our lives, the rest should be informed within a one month period, MAX. That should be enough buffer period for whatever thinking, chewing-over, or contemplating that one needs to do. No?

Suddenly dropping the bomb nearly one year later is seriously @_@. SHOCKING. Do that, and on top of the natural initial surprise, expect a "You took this long to tell us you have a boyfriend???" tirade and also expect to be grilled like a sotong. ahah.

I think I'm falling into my pit of angst again. Every other post will start to sound like a tantrum. But really, man. There are a million and one things to be angry about in this world. Not least with oneself. How does one cope?

My sister just sighed over her physics books again. And I had to laugh out and say, "Why must our lives be filled with sighs?"

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise. - F. Scott Fitzgerald

In other words, be happy despite miserable situation and in the hope of striving for a better one.

okay, enough of this.

***

Peacewish: Stupid bureaucrats! Stupid politicians! They think they can just do whatever they like to us, trample our rights and take away what’s ours, in the name of what they think is ‘right’. Like, the cotton-brained &$-ups in the State Department that are robbing American citizens of their hard earned money for idiotic foreign projects.

Meilin: As in…

Peacewish: As in the government grant they’re ‘giving’ to my school in Thailand. Some dim bulb thought up a plan to prevent future terrorism by teaching all the Muslims down here some English – I guess in the hope that if they know how to order a hamburger in a restaurant they won’t be so inclined to blow it up. Doesn’t bin Laden speak perfectly fluent English?

Tomoyo: Well, in his fatwahs he seems to think it’s all right to end a sentence with both a question mark and an exclamation mark.

haha. I wonder if that's really true.

Sometimes one can find such a treasure of a writer on the internet. I really do like Peacewish's works. (Above is a dialogue she enacts between herself and all her characters at the end of every fic, in the name of thrashing out the plot and themes.) All her political angst fused into a fantasy/action story with adorable and wonderfully-developed characters are extremely engaging.

***

Time for long-long-overdue photos. (So typical of me, isn't it?) Last last weekend (31st Aug) was a much-anticipated cousin dinner at Sakura, courtesy of dearest kaktiyah. It was full of crappiness (on our parts, not the restaurant) and loads of good food. It was a buffet. Hussain accidentally ordered black herbal chicken, thinking it was black PEPPER chicken. It turned out appearing utterly foreign and inedible-looking, and we all dared each other to taste the soup. A memorable night. :)




This is us when we managed to stop laughing.






Hussain lost the number game and was forced to take a sip of his black herbal chicken. :p





***

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Social Nerd   You're interested in things such as politics, psychology, child care, and peace. I wouldn't go so far as to call you a hippie, but some of you may be tree-huggers. You're the type of people who are interested in bettering the world. You're possible the least nerdy of them all; unless you participate in other activies that paled your nerdiness compared to your involvement in social activities. Whatever the case, we could still use more of you around. ^_^
Science/Math Nerd
Literature Nerd
Drama Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Anime Nerd
Musician
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

ahah.

Okay. It's time I blogged. Cause I've been meaning to. But something else always comes first.

This has to be recounted. Because I had such a visceral reaction and I want it to be remembered, and I want people to know. I was having a typical 6-hour-long biochemistry lab session. And some of my lab peers love to converse in Chinese. Which is fine with me, because I have accepted that it is too much of a natural instinct for them when they're together.

But when fellow Indian dude misconstrues Singapore as a result, I SNAP:

Two Chinese dudes walk past blabbering in Chinese to each other, and they seemed harried.

Indian: Eh, what did they say?
Me: Eh. How should I know?
Indian: You've been living in this country forever deh...

I think at this point, my face completely froze over.

Me: Singapore is not a Chinese country, okay. We have a Malay national anthem.

I couldn't control myself. I even jeling ah! Ohmygoodness. And it's so totally not his fault. He was just ignorant. But shock and anger totally monopolised my speech. And then I stalked off to the sink to wash something, before I could say anything else. He looked completely taken aback by my response.

Clearly, this is an uncontrollably sore topic for me. The incredible injustice of it all.

I almost didn't want to blog because I am so freaking tired, I wish I could just keel over, curl into a ball and hibernate like a bear. Really man. I don't know what I'm surviving on. I understand the pull of drugs now. Haha.

You know what I wish? I wish I were a Roswell alien so that I'd only require three hours of sleep a night. I like to sleep, but there just ain't enough time to do all the things that life can offer you.

Had a seriously hectic weekend full of family melodrama, but loads of laughs as well.

Somebody tell me how to survive uni with the family that I have. I feel like rubber slowly being stretched too thin. And then, snap. Haiyoh.

Okay you know what. I am too tired.