chatting with eunice on msn about legend of the seeker. I don't want it to be cancelled. How many of my OTPs will remain unfulfilled like this. :(

turk: My brother just lent us the DVD -- he liked it but is disappointed that the series has been cancelled?

me: IT HAS BEEN CANCELLED?! OFFICIALLY?!?!?!?! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *slump*

turk: I dunno...  After the 2nd season or something I DON'T KNOW THIS IS SECONDHAND INFO I DIDN'T LOOK IT UP MYSELF... It's either it's been really cancelled or they're trying to find another network to pick it up or something...  No idea.

me: my sis did say there was talk that season 3 wont happen... but... I thought there was still hope. god, loving American tv shows is like having bad love affairs. :( you never know when they leave you. 

turk: O-kay, mad person...

me: HAHAHAHAHA, BUT REALLY!!!!

turk: Yes, yes

me: It's like, I'm tired hello!

turk: I'm still upset over Firefly

me: I loved VM! and look what happened.

turk: Yes, VM too

me: I actually followed Tru Calling and look what happened. And I live in fear for Supernatural.

turk: And now Chuck S3 ratings have been dropping steadily since the season premiere and it's on the bubble too... Sigh.

me: But at least, now, it has been long enough, that I feel safe that they won't just end it horribly. SIGH

turk: HAHAHAHA. That's very important. As long as it's not a sudden cancellation and things get tied up, yes?

me: yes! I mean, I just want a resolution! do these people not understand how it is like to emotionally involve oneself in a story?!

turk: Apparently not.

me: it's like, Voldemort not dead or Lymond forever stuck in Russia. I mean, seriously.

turk: They just want MONEY FROM ADVERTISERS

me: evil capitalists.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess. ~ Oscar Wilde

I am inclined to agree with this, because I have played the Word Search game on my iPod relentlessly on train journeys to and from school, and have now attained a mind-boggling score of 8 words in 24 seconds. :P I get obsessed and competitive sometimes, hehe. It reminds me of my childhood days; when computers were starting to appear in civilian homes like ours, and Windows Version 3.1 had desktop games like Jewel Thief. Muaha, I played that game almost non-stop the moment I finished my homework (completed as fast as possible, without getting out of my school uniform) and reached like Level 20, I think, which no one else ever could reach. I also played Mario a lot; I remember those things vividly. People often had the misconception that I went home to mug or stg (even in primary school, people thought I loved to study; seriously, whut.), but oh, they don't know me. I think I did play a great deal, and how little some kids play these days, in this stressful world, is a sad thing.

Supposed to submit an application for the tech transfer traineeship thing soon... :s but I'm not so sure about it anymore. It doesn't feel very right. I think I seriously considered this because I wanted to have another option besides research and they accepted fresh grads. And okay, it seemed to me initially that I'd fit in since it was about information transfer and communication, and I have a belief that my strength lies somewhere there. But I don't know now! The word 'commercialisation' or 'corporation' always puts me off... bah. I should just submit it and if it happens, it happens. I have decided to let fate decide, because I never really know what's good for me anyway.

I've been a lot stressed these days, thinking about what I'm supposed to get done before school ends forever (haha) and like seriously, MATLAB problems and how I'm going to accomplish 10, 000 words in a few days. But oh well. What's new, eh. I felt slightly guilty about not turning up for APEX twice consecutively but really, bloody MATLAB made it necessary for me to spend a saturday cooped up in the computer centre. I think I was making a lot of frustrated noises and scolding "seriously!" to the computer every half an hour or so, heheh. I hope I didn't sound too crazy to the grad students who regularly come on weekends to work. (Their scholarly lives boggle my mind.) o.o

Despite my crazy workload, I do have times in the night (or rather, I make the time, die die) for entertainment, and lately it has been The Legend of the Seeker, which I started watching on tv and have now continued via youtube. Yes, it is cheesy, mostly, but I love prophecy stories and heroes with swords. And a pretty pairing to boot. It is, you could say, a sappy romance guised as the typical fight of good against evil, but I think I have missed simple stories like this. The good people win, you know. And we all root for love. (Not the really scary promiscuity we see in a lot of shows today. -.-) Also, Richard Cypher is preeetay; those large puppy eyes... and gorgeous Kahlan; how is she so fair!

This line from a fan-post (a tak senonoh post, actually) cracked me up:

2.5 million screaming fangirls shatter the sound barrier

Trying not to freak out. Received email about submission dates for FYP; and my examiners are okay - because they're Prof Chen YZ and Prof Low BC. Both nice and not threatening. But one still wishes to impress. And MATLAB is being evil for reasons I cannot fathom. Less than a week left and it's being cranky and won't let me run my model without screwing up. WHHHY. And hence I have still yet to substantially validate my pathway model! The only thing I could verify is the fact that more RhoGDP means more RhoGTP, which is seriously DUH. The major parts I need to validate are still not validated, because MATLAB, you are making things difficult!

MOU. STRESS. Please MATLAB, please work. And please let my model make sense, thanks.

I feel like running away from the rest of my modules now, but UGH. CAN'T. This is what I get for being too blardy ambitious when I know I love being a drifter, and for loving too many things at once.

Haha, I totally always wanna do THIS.

from Stickgirl

If there's one thing I need to learn, it's to stay focused. I got distracted, again. Although I woke up this morning deciding to work on all my Structural Bio assignments and get them done, so I can leave all the time later for my FYP report, I ended up going to the blog Mel linked to (whose author graduated from Cambridge, hails from a self-declared aristocratic Singaporean family - should such a thing exist - and is atrociously arrogant; I enjoy reading this like I enjoy watching the Kardashians on tv, hehe). And in consequence, I became acquainted with the whole Dawn Yang fiasco a couple or so years back. And all other related local celebrity scandals and gossip. It reminded me of all the MsScribe and Cassandra Claire scandals that happened within HP fandom. It was just... fascinating. Humans are weird and basically stupid, a lot of the time. And if you don't remind yourselves now and again that, hey, you're going to die and what are you doing with your life, you get stuck in this loop of materialism and self-love. @.@ It's just scary, please.

If you can quote Yeats or Shakespeare, and then quote Ibn-Taimiyah or Imam Nawawi, then ohmygod, you have me. I used to say, any guy who knows sword-fighting would have won over half my heart (and there is still a validity to this, because swords are just oh-so-cool); but I have this new, more all-encompassing criterion, and just -- I will fall for this, no questions asked.

ShaykhHamzaIgnoranceAndExtremism from ilmisfree on Vimeo.

Come let us mock at the great
That had such burdens on the mind
And toiled so hard and late
To leave some monument behind,
Nor thought of the levelling wind.

Come let us mock at the wise;
With all those calendars whereon
They fixed old aching eyes,
They never saw how seasons run,
And now but gape at the sun.

Come let us mock at the good
That fancied goodness might be gay,
And sick of solitude
Might proclaim a holiday:
Wind shrieked - and where are they?

Mock mockers after that
That would not lift a hand maybe
To help good, wise or great
To bar that foul storm out, for we
Traffic in mockery.

~ W.B. Yeats


Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no; it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests, and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error, and upon me prov'd,
I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd.

~ William Shakespeare Sonnet 116

“I learned there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead, others come from behind.
But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready, you see.
Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me.”

— Dr. Seuss

There is apparently a narration that relates: God endowed wisdom onto humanity in three forms: the brains of the Greeks, the hands of the Chinese, and the tongues of the Arabs.

If so, then no wonder the amazing intellects like Aristotle and Plato and Archimedes. And Socrates. I always wondered if some of these people were divinely inspired or something, because they seem so inhumanely wise and clever, heh.

Also, you are what you eat, they say. Nabi s.a.w. said the same thing; he mentioned that the people who ate camels tended to be more arrogant. That's why we should eat lambs; the meekness and gentleness of lambs are good qualities to acquire? And Islam prohibits the eating of carnivorous animals; you don't want that reckless aggressiveness, apparently. And bah -- what are we eating these days? Chemicals and artificial stuff in our food; only enhancing our fake and plastic natures in this increasingly superficial world? :P

The Qura'an is ahsanul kasas; the best of narrations:

Sakura Girl PV is out! But I am mostly disappointed -- because why is it so boring and sad?! I know this song is supposed to be about a lost love, but it's still kinda bouncy and it's not all sad. But all NEWS is doing is being all emo and walking down the street. -.- I'd rather they do the gay dance move like they did on Music Station.



I much prefer Arashi's Troublemaker! :P The song's fun and bouncy and the music video is fun too. Also love the colourful suits. And spot Nino being mean, hehe. And an English spelling error in the beginning.

Watched a short mini-drama about graduation and pursuing dreams called Sotsugyou Shashin. I downloaded it by impulse from newshfan; it starred Massu and Nagasawa Masami. And surprisingly, despite it being Masami (haha, I don't know what I have against her, seriously), I thought the message of the show was sweet and meaningful, and she acted well. Massu, on the other hand, can't act... for nuts, poor thing. But it's okay - he's still the adorable gyoza-lover from NEWS.

Anyway, the story basically conveys the idea of taking the long route to one's success or dreams, and that it's okay to do so. The long route makes you kind and strong, I quote them. Getting what you want immediately hardly makes you grateful for it anyway, right? You only learn the value of something after having slogged and waited for it. What is it that Miley Cyrus sings -- It's all about the climb...

I've imagined meeting my past self, and although sometimes, I think I'd tell my past self to do certain things or not do certain things, I think, overall, I'd just smile at my old self and say it's going to be okay one day, I promise. Not that things are perfect now; but just - I feel like I've finally planted one foot into the ground. And even if I get tossed about or jostled violently in this crazy (and probably very evil) world, I won't get lost. In some ways, I think I like my old self better; more hopeful and consequently more delusional maybe, haha. More blur, also more trusting. I think I second-guess people a lot more now. Whereas in the past, you can probably con me easy-peasy; now, I think I'm at least a little wiser. Haha, I hope.

Had a toilet fiasco tonight. One of the taps broke, and water came gushing out like a jet stream, and granny, sis and me couldn't shut the main valve. I have no arm power at all, apparently. Neither did my sis. And we went around the house hunting for my dad's toolbox, thinking a plier would help, maybe. While my granny refused to get out of the toilet and tried to rectify the situation herself; she is stubborn lah. We kept telling her to get out of the bathroom (because seriously, what if she falls?!), but she refused, became really distraught and almost started crying, haha, cause she felt guilty. That's my granny for you -.-. I kept telling her it's okay; it's not like we haven't broken things in the house before, and it's not like my dad will punish her when he comes home.

In fact, because the fiasco was growing into something rather uncontrollable and I was getting stressed because my granny was stressed, I called up my dad (who was out with my mum and my uncle and friends), and he went, Why can't you turn the valve??? And I said, It's too hard okay! It's stuck or something! And he was all, like, Can you chill? Okay, I'll deal with it later. Who knows you might break it if you use the plier. But then my sister was all stressed too and added, Do you really want to waste that much water? When are you coming back!

So 10 minutes later, my dad turned up with Ami Ali and friends. I was like, HAH! Everyone's here??? And Cik Sam, Ami Ali and my mum marched into the toilet, and my mum went like, What is so difficult??? and she promptly turned the valve clockwise with her bare hands, and the water stopped.

XD

Absolute FAIL. Everybody kind of went, Haiyoh.... and me and sis fell over each other, laughing at how much fail we were. Admittedly, I didn't really turn it clockwise much, because it seemed blocked in that direction by a tiny screw. But I did try it! It was really hard. My mum is apparently hiding some super-power muscle in her arm. Or something, haha. My dad was like this -_______-. And we were on the way to Swensens, thanks.

Been trying to make myself write one of the compulsory essays for Virtue and Leadership class, and came across this from the Analects:

Tseng Tzu said, "A Gentleman must be strong and resolute, for his burden is heavy and the road is long. He takes benevolence as his burden. Is that not heavy? Only with death does the road come to an end. Is that not long?"

~ Book 8:7

Being good is difficult, ne.

People are asleep. And then when they die, they finally become aware. So die before you die. Consider yourselves already in the graves.

---

Because I have missed them! I think I could easily learn to like their new single, Sakura Girl. It's kinda catchy. My sister kept tsk-ing at the gay dance move, haha -- the one with one hand up in the air; I believe that was a move from Cherish. But hello, at that time, they were at most 19 or 20, so it's forgivable. But now?! Pi is turning 25 soon, for God's sake. Speaking of which, why is it that I feel Pi looks so sad or stressed or both these days? So skinny some more. Somebody feed this boy!



And this one's an older clip with Pi and Jin; at least Pi looks happier here. It's funny how Pi seems to be giving Jin looks that say stop-being-an-annoying-idiot.



---

I've always liked this song, One Republic's Stop and Stare:

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shaking off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see

They're trying to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
Something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need

What you need, what you need...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see...

Because I am Miss-Forever-Distracted, I am not doing my FYP whose deadline is looming ever closer, but quoting Confucius instead:

The Master said, "Yu, have you heard about the six qualities and the six attendant faults?"


"No."


"Be seated and I shall tell you. To love benevolence without loving learning is liable to lead to foolishness. To love cleverness without loving learning is liable to lead to deviation from the right path. To love trustworthiness in word without loving learning is liable to lead to harmful behaviour. To love forthrightness without loving learning is liable to lead to intolerance. To love courage without loving learning is liable to lead to insurbodination. To love unbending strength without loving learning is liable to lead to indiscipline."

In Virtue and Leadership class today, someone said to me, "It's hard not to be critical about this dude (i.e. Confucius); I can't agree with him, mostly." And I agreed, "Yes! I think he was a very confused and dissatisfied man."

This does not mean he wasn't a great and admirable persona, I still think he was and is. But he didn't have a lot of answers, and was clearly unhappy about a great many things. He was a great thinker, but he had no answers, and very little practical resolution to the world's problems. And I don't know, if people have founded a religion or a way of life on his teachings, I don't think it makes a great foundation. He was an idealist searching for truth but didn't find it. He kept saying he wished he could meet a sage, but knew he would likely never meet one. And one of my biggest contentions about The Analects is that women is mentioned in passing only twice, one of which equates women to lowly-minded people. -___-

But the above quote: I like it because if there's one thing I feel Confucius got right, it's the fact that learning is one of the most fundamental values and aims in life. That is why the first word of the Quran to be revealed was also "Iqra'." Which means, READ. Curing ignorance is the first step to betterment.

HAHA, I like this!



"A'uzubillahi min asshaitan irrajim!" XD I must practise this a lot more.

:(((

John F Kennedy was assassinated only weeks after this speech.

I went hunting for this because I suddenly started thinking about it:

"But," said Philippa, "even if you accept bastardy, you are left to wonder why Sybilla didn't confess to you, since you have always been so very close. And from that, to surmise that the facts of your birth must be such that Sybilla knew they would destroy even your love for her. And that is why, at first, you wouldn't make any inquiries or allow them. But now..."


"Wise Philippa," said Lymond again. Standing very still, with his back to the window he offered no resistance to what she was saying, but simply remained, his eyes dwelling on her as she sat bolt upright in the firelight, her wet, combed hair glowing chestnut where it fell forward over the darkened brocade of her gown. He said, "Tell me, then, why I come now to Gardington?"


She drew a long breath and released it again, her eyes open and honest on his. "Because as you say, absence has hardened you. There are things you can face now which you couldn't face in Stamboul. And because, I think, at last, the bond with Sybilla is being shared with another. Before, all your mind and all your emotions were contained in your feeling for her. Now it is different. Now you have Guzel's love also."

Philippa was of course right about all of that, except the Guzel part. I can't quite explain why or how this seems to resonate in my life right now; but I find myself appreciating this on a whole new level. Courage comes from faith in something or someone in whom one can faultlessly depend on, I think. A belief that if everything else should disappoint, this one thing won't.

I don't know why I was so emo earlier today. I wish sometimes I could do away with emo moments. But they're there. Eheh, what to do; I suppose it comes with being human. Went for liqa', had a good time although the poor NUSMS peeps who were coincidentally using the same room had to vacate for our sake.

Also, Turk and I settled the first thing for our grad trip -- the tour to Orkney and the Outer Hebrides in Scotland. yayyy. I can't believe it's happening. I don't think it has sunk in properly yet. But I suppose I will be ecstatic when most of my work gets done in April, and I'll be super duper excited. :DDD

My favourite thing from liqa' tonight (and it's hard to choose a favourite cause I liked a lot of the stories shared): Nabi s.a.w. says that if a Muslim wakes up in the morning and all of his thoughts are of dunia (i.e. this world and of worldly pursuits), then the dunia will move further away from him. But if he wakes up in the morning and his thoughts are of akhirah (i.e. the hereafter), then the dunia will come to him without his asking, and he would care less for it.

My sister and parents came back from Egypt and started telling stories and stuff. I have these feelings of frustration that lead me to imagine my doing drastic things to myself -- I feel like tearing up pieces of cloth, for instance. What I mean is (sorry for being incomprehensible) is that I want to be at Muktamar so bad and to feel that peace so bad. This world we normally live in every day - it's such a mess, sometimes. And all I want to do is do what truly matters.

 

Totally.

From Quote Book (I am addicted to places like this, halp.)

"There are three classes of men—lovers of wisdom, lovers of honor, lovers of gain."
~ Plato

this is my 1000th post since the birth of this blog! actually, I can't believe I took this long to get to 1000.

This is one of the many things I'll never forget. The first time I heard it was during APEX, and someone was very emotional when relating it, I almost teared up too. Because when you do things, there will always be people who misunderstand you, and it's only human for you to hurt when they do. And then later, when I had to get out of MS exco (because no way could I have survived it, especially now) and had really, one of the worst times in my life, I was handed a printed version of this from Aizat (and I thank him for that):

"People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you’ve got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway."

~ Mother Theresa

And it's too true; because once I know what I do is for Allah and Rasul anyway, it just becomes one million times easier to be good or to do the right thing. Like you know, you should never get angry with your parents or hurt them in any way right? -- but hello, it ain't so easy a job if your parent ain't a saint. When your mum is being unreasonable and says hurtful things (and bloody hell, you're only human, how much negativity can you take, even if she is in a lousy mood and is taking it all out on you), it is so damn hard to stay good and calm and not want to retaliate angrily in some way. But once I realise I'm not really doing this for her, I'm doing this for God, it becomes that much easier. You can be nice to people and not expect them to be nice to you, and it doesn't matter.

Like Rasulullah s.a.w. who loves his ummah, and we may not all love him back with fervour. It's not like he needs us anyway; more like the other way round. It's called kareem - loving someone although they may not necessarily deserve it, or being generous though people may not welcome it. It's an honourable thing. That's why there's that quote too, by Victor Hugo: What a grand thing, to be loved. What a grander thing still, to love. And surely nobody tops Nabi s.a.w. in this.

---

Was reading my drafts folder (why do I do this when I should be reading up on actin or focal adhesion or stg else I actually need to do!), and found something from May 2008:

Things I want to do in my life before I die include (not necessarily in order):


1) Visit Scotland (can't believe I still haven't), Japan, Russia and Jerusalem (if possible) and as many other places as humanly possible.


2) Learn several languages.


3) Memorise my favourite surahs, at the very least.


4) Write a good story and proper script and send it in to mediacorp.


5) Finally have a beautiful and neat room/house.


6) Make sure my parents retire happy and rich.


7) Marry my one true love, but no other.


8) Attend Muktamar at Dandara, Egypt.

I want to laugh at number 4! WHAT was I thinking?! Haha. I've already visited Japan, yayyy. And hopefully Scotland soon, ohmygosh. And number 8, insya Allah, soon enough.

I was browsing quotes and pretty pictures (which is like the most addictive exercise ever or something), and found someone quoting Arashi (from Fight Song)! :D

"People are people, and you are you. The moment you compare the two, you’ve lost. The strength to not lose to yourself will break down any wall."

From The Quote Book

:) Roald Dahl and Quentin Blake - my childhood. My entire Primary 3 class was reading Roald Dahl, and several books were always circulating in the classroom at any one time; and by the end of it, we'd all read most of Dahl's books.

 

The world makes you into either a saint or a cynic.

I shall not let my idealism transform into cynicism. Yes, sometimes, the rose-tinted lenses through which I view the world get shattered, but I've always thus far managed to piece the fragments back together somehow. Because you know, sometimes, at certain moments, with certain people, the world is truly pretty, even without my having to paint it all in pretty colours.

Also, this quote is in my head now; the first time I read it was in a Draco/Ginny fanfic, years ago in secondary school, and from the first time, it stuck. I don't even know if the author came up with it herself, or she quoted from somewhere else. I've always thought it was beautiful:

They say love is blind. But it's not. It sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it's willing to see less.

---

Today, my sister (you are greatly missed, my ultimate spaz buddy.) messaged from Egypt:

Hello sisu! :D How are youz. Kita dah balek ke Cairo drpd dandara. Mia-chan, muktamar is sugoi. HAVE YOU BEEN EATING RUBBISH?! Did amirudeen call? Hehe. I forgot how some ppl are super jinjang here. Hehe. Okay <3 you!

I think I badly want to go for muktamar next year. I bet it'll be exciting too -- cause it'll be the last one before 2012. *cue dramatic music*

When so many people seem to be constantly lying, how does one discern truth? :(

What on earth is JayZ saying in his songs. Seriously. Even if you don't buy in to all the conspiracy theory stuff (Rockefellers and corporate moguls and Satan at the top of it all running and corrupting the world etc), you have got to wonder what the frak at least 80% of his lyrics even refer to!

For instance, from the song/rap Roc Boys:

The Roc Boys in the building tonight
Look at how I'm chilling, I'm killing this ice
You don't even gotta bring ya purses out
We the dope boys of the year, drinks is on the house

and

I get away with murder when I sling yay
Niggas got less steps then Britney
That means it ain't stepped on, dig me?

No, I don't dig you. What steps? What ice? Am I missing something? But you don't really mean for people to get you, do you, JayZ, you cryptic evil person wrapped up in Mr. Nice Guy who married Beyonce.

I feel like we should let a team of cryptographers and detectives or maybe, literature professors, work on JayZ's album, and let them come up with an interpretation. It's like way harder than Shakespeare or Chaucer or Dunnett (haha) or any other literature. And it appalls me how the general person doesn't even care what the lyrics mean while they listen, and these people, like JayZ and that mad woman Lady Gaga, are winning fame, glory and wealth and influencing the youngsters of the world. I mean, if you are not awake to how nuts all this seems... I don't know. Are you awake?

Some more nutty, incomprehensible rap lyrics from JayZ's Hovi Baby (which is by the way, in itself, confusing -- because what the heck is hovi? Because as far as my research with google goes, the only Hovi I could identify was short for Hovawart, which is a dog... so, you tell me.):

Jeah, look
I'm so far ahead of my time, I'm bout to start another life
Look behind you, I'm bout to pass you twice
Back to the future and gotta slow up for the present
I'm fast, niggaz can't get past my past
How they propose to deal with my perfect present?
When I unwrap "The Gift & the Curse" in one session
Ain't no livin person can test him
Only two restin in heaven can be mentioned in the same breath as him
Seven straight summers, critics might not admit it
But nobody in rap did it, quite like I did it
If you did it I done it before, you get I had it
Got mad at it and don't want it no more
And that goes for everything from flippin that raw
Flippin whores, flippin vocal chords, don't get it twisted
Get it right, did different, did it better, did it nice
Did the impossible then did it twice (get it right)

Sometimes I think it might have been God's mercy or guidance that I ended up in Jpop and Kpop instead, although I was never much into mainstream American music anyway. And while yes, Asian entertainment is not necessarily free of the same vices of lechery or violence, at least the lyrics are mostly understandable and don't seem to cryptically hint at some weird evil. At least, my dear Arashi boys aren't wearing masonry symbols (by the way, stop lying about the hand symbol being a diamond, JayZ. -.- It is so obviously freemasonry.). They sing lame songs about rainbows and clouds and cheesy love, but obviously not evil is the point.

When you say things like this:

Roc-A-Fella Records
Dynasty continues, y'all die
Uh Huh, peace! 

 ~ Show Me What You Got

EVIL. Who tells people to die in their songs?! And then you say peace??? Mad, is it.

From a muslim sister maria.

A Strong Woman vs. A Woman of Strength 


A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape…
but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape…
A strong woman isn’t afraid of anything…
but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear…
A strong woman won’t let anyone get the best of her…
but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone…
A strong woman walks sure-footedly…
but a woman of strength knows Allah will catch her when she falls…
A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face…
but a woman of strength wears grace…
A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey… but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong.

---

We Should Be THANKFUL...


We should be thankful that we don’t already have everything we desire,
If we did, what would there be for us to look forward to?
We should be thankful when we don’t know something,
for it gives us the opportunity to learn.
We should be thankful for the difficult times,
during those times we grow.
We should be thankful for our limitations,
because they give us opportunities for improvement.
We should be thankful for each new challenge,
because it will build our strength and character.
We should be thankful for our mistakes,
they will teach us valuable lessons.
We should be thankful when we are tired and weary,
because it means we have made a difference.
It is easy to be thankful for the good things.  
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.
GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive. We should find a way to be thankful for our troubles, for they can become our blessings.

:DDDDDD



I am so happy right now. Shaykh Hamza has tapak sandal Nabi s.a.w. on his wall (which is what we Dandarawis use all the time). It appears at 7.09 minutes. And he reads from Surat At-Taubah Ayat 128-129, which we read ALL THE TIME. My instinct was spot on, lah. OHMYGOSH. Sometimes, I think I am amazing. Haha.

@.@ Either he's already a Dandarawi at heart, or his background is from the Ahmadi Tariqah. I have to go ask Abah (when they all come back) if our selawats are based on Ahmadi or stg.

but ohmygosh, whatever it is -- SO HAPPY.

Where else can I find a man who chokes up with tears when he talks about how proud he is to see a sister with the hijab. Seriously. And so many other men are reading FHM and watching half-naked women on Miss Universe.





<3

Wah, that's it seh. Every man I meet from now on will be measured up to this standard.

Love Maki!

More than anything, I'm disappointed with myself. I'm supposed to be smarter than this.

---

From a muslim sister maria:

Repel the thought, for if you don’t, it becomes an idea. So repel the idea, for if you don’t it will become a desire. So fight against that (desire), for if you don’t, it will become a determination and a passion and if you don’t repel that, it will become an action. And if you don’t replace it with its opposite, it will become a constant habit. So at that point, it will be difficult for you to change it.

---

I love my granny lah, oh my gosh. She's seriously damn funny. She came over to stay these past few days before my parents and sister fly off to Egypt (leaving me all alone - yay? haha.), and when I chat her up, she always cracks me up.

Shah Rukh Khan apa yang lawa, renung lama-lama, muka macam Badul. 


Every time I talk to her, I realise I'm digging up my old chest of Malay vocabulary, and I suppose this improves my fluency. yayyy. Like today, I used the word uruskan (i.e. manage). Haha, I don't think I've ever used that in speech; at least, not that I can recall.

---

“A man came to the Prophet (SAW) and asked him “O Allah’s Messenger, tell me of something I can do to win Allah’s love and people’s love”. The Prophet answered “Do not love this world, Allah would love you and do not have a longing for whatever people have, people would love you”.  (Ibn-Majah) 

”There are three characteristics whoever has them will taste the sweetness of faith: that Allah and His Messenger(saw) are more loved by him than everything else, that he loves or does not love a person only for Allah’s sake and that he would hate to revert into disbelief just as he would hate to be thrown into fire.” (Al-Bukhari) 



From a muslim sister maria.

Warning: Lymond Fan Raving

I am in my I-need-my-Lymond-fix mood. You know, I realise, crap, I miss Lymond like crazy and wonder where my days of comfortable fangirling over English (haha) books have gone, and spazzing over wonderfully crafted phrases and profound lines. When will I ever have the time to reread Lymond? I feel like it's never going to happen or something.

Oh God, I feel old again. I feel like I'm being swept up by this horrible tide into the future, but I'm nowhere near ready or willing.

Anyway, before I ramble nonstop about incomprehensible feelings of girl-to-adult-woman transition, let me get back to my Lymond spaz: I went quote-hunting again. But of course, there isn't a one-stop place to find my favourite quotes. Which led me to silly fantasies of building my own database of Lymond quotes. Some day, when I have mastered SQL and database hosting and whatever else that comes with it, I might just have a Lymond quotes database (on top of the one million other silly ideas I have for databases). Some people are planning their path to their first paycheck or a house or a car or a family, and I am dreaming of a quotes database -- someone give me a reality check, please.

Anyway. This is funny. I can't decide which part to quote exactly, but her full review is here at her blog:

The first half or so of The Ringed Castle

I have no idea what the holy fuck is going on in Russia. I don’t care about any of this set of characters enough to try and figure out. Can we please get back to Philippa now? You know, where the plot we actually care about is occurring?

Don’t you dare kill Adam Blacklock. He’s sensitive. Leave him alone, you big bullies.

Lymond’s sex drive makes even less sense than his other motivations, but it’s especially random here. He and Guzel put off sleeping together until… Lymond is in charge of Russia? Being in charge of Russia is Guzel’s kink? Is it only Guzel’s kink, or does Lymond get off on it, too? I have no idea. This is both the most graphic sex scene and the most inexplicable relationship in the series thus far.

Also, Lymond is being voluntarily and (I think?) relatively non-angstily gay - but I think Venceslas is supposed to be like, twelve. Shouldn’t Lymond have a gigantic complex about that, after what happened to Khaireddin? Is Lymond even supposed to like sex? Why do the other characters talk about his sex life so much? (Aside from the obvious.) Why are most of his relationships either non-consensual, off-screen, or invented by other people? Has anyone written a paper about this? Did Dunnett Even Actually Know Where She Was Going With This One?: Lymond’s Confusing Sex Life and The Ringed Castle’s Kinda-Weakness.

I agree about the first half of Ringed Castle for me being all bleagh-can-we-get-back-to-Philippa-please! Haha.

Also, because I watched a bit of High School Musical 3 with my sis tonight (with numerous outbursts of laughter and audible smacks from face-palming at the utter sap and corniness), and found a line I really surprisingly liked:

I feel like I know you on a vibe-y level.

:D

ohhhmygod - I realise that Shaykh Hamza Yusuf is Scottish by race, and I can't help but think how a lot of my favourite things (e.g. Lymond and Harry Potter) come from Scotland. All the more reason for me to make the grad trip to Scotland a reality.

But ohmygod, this man. I am close to spazzing about him the way I would spaz about my favourite star or stg, but in a totally valid and real way (whatever I mean by that :P). We need more people like Shaykh Hamza in Islam; he's the most intelligent Muslim speaker and scholar I have ever seen (but okay, I haven't seen many for myself); he embodies everything I feel is right and true about Islam; his brain is like a treasure trove of knowledge of both Islam and everything not Islam as well; he's so eloquent and passionate and compassionate; he has awesome views on women and family and the worth and dignity of human beings; and gosh, I can't help but feel jealous of his wife, haha. And most importantly, he loves Nabi s.a.w., which is my yardstick for assessment of any Muslim scholar (Ami Ali should be happy with me). Every time I find some new lecture of his on youtube (I go yay!), I can't help but agree and feel awed and humbled and moved, and go please, why aren't there more Muslim men who awe me like this.

xkcd has some side project: a database of limericks, called LimericksDB.

Their limericks are somewhat of the same vein as their comics - geeky, mad and sometimes dirty. Haha.

A UNIX saleslady, Lenore,
Enjoys work, but she likes the beach more.
She found a good way
To combine work and play:
She sells C shells by the seashore.

-- 

A dying mosquito exclaimed,
"A chemist has poisoned my brain!"
The cause of his sorrow
Was para-dichloro-
Diphenyl-trichloroethane  

--

ohmygod, this one! XD

A programmer started to cuss
Because getting to sleep was a fuss
As he lay there in bed
Looping 'round in his head
was: while(!asleep()) sheep++;

What other people say about Prophet Muhammad s.a.w..

"Head of the State as well as the Church, he was Caesar and Pope in one; but he was Pope without the Pope's pretensions, and Caesar without the legions of Caesar, without a standing army, without a bodyguard, without a police force, without a fixed revenue. If ever a man ruled by a right divine, it was Muhammad, for he had all the powers without their supports. He cared not for the dressings of power. The simplicity of his private life was in keeping with his public life."

~ Reverend Bosworth Smith in 'Muhammad and Muhammadanism,' London, 1874

"If greatness of purpose, smallness of means, and astonishing results are the three criteria of a human genius, who could dare compare any great man in history with Muhammad? The most famous men created arms, laws, and empires only. They founded, if anything at all, no more than material powers which often crumbled away before their eyes. This man moved not only armies, legislations, empires, peoples, dynasties, but millions of men in one-third of the then inhabited world; and more than that, he moved the altars, the gods, the religions, the ideas, the beliefs and the souls."

~ Alphonse de LaMartaine in 'Historie de la Turquie,' Paris, 1854.

---

Wah, I'm really bad with names. I can't remember the name of this girl who I did a project with last semester, and I bumped into her, said hi, but couldn't for the life of me recall her name. (And she remembered mine, which makes this worse.) :O It's a Chinese one, which makes it it even harder -- starts with an L, maybe? haiyah.


Feel inexplicably gloomy. Yesterday, I was talking to Shweta in CYZ's class (which was unbearably soporific -- Shweta could tell I wasn't listening from the glazed look in my eyes, I quote her, haha) and started discussing about how much emotions are influenced by hormones. I mean, seriously. It's almost funny -- how you're so distraught for a moment or period in time, and then a week later, you realise that, BAH! It was right before that time of the month. It happened to Mumu too: she called me up in a state of stress and tears, and then a few days later, she established that it was PMS. I felt strangely amused and comforted by this. Like maybe, yes, stupid hormones do take over the control of our physical realities. (Being a woman is stressful, please.)

This by no means, however, diminishes the existence of a problem or extenuating circumstance. The shit and crap we have to deal with is still there. The hormones just exacerbate the response with which we approach said problem. Instead of trying to be logical and rational and to behave as calmly as possible, the emotions become uncontrollable and in the extreme, one can almost go ballistic. Haha. Also, I recall the period in early 2006, when I think I was majorly depressed -- and during that time, I attributed it all to the stresses of uni applications, lack of confidence and feeling lost about life goals etc -- but now, I think it had a lot to do with my thyroid imbalance problem (which has been said to cause depression). Because I think I definitely got better when I got healthier.

Now it makes me want to philosophically contemplate the essence of emotions, if it can be so easily driven by these chemical substances called hormones. I mean, really, how much of anything that we feel is real, huh? I can't recall now where I heard this: but there was a documentary, I think, that mentioned how casual sex is theoretically impossible, because the hormones generated during sexual intimacy is almost too-closely coupled with the hormones they have identified to correlate with the emotion of love. So no such thing as no-strings-attached-sex -- almost inevitably, emotions will develop over time through the existence of all those hormones, and you can bet strings will be attached.

---

How did I start rambling like that when I have tons of work to do? -.-

I'm really looking forward to Maki's movie! :DDDD Please come to Singapore, okay.

The trailer! The feel of the movie is upbeat and exciting, despite the fact that it's supposed to be a painful, growing-up story, and the fact that she's got amnesia. Also, the star-studded cast is enough reason to watch! :P Maki, Tego, MatsuKen and Anton Yelchin all in one place? Yayyyeee.



The press conference where Maki speaks English like a JAL stewardess, haha. Nonetheless, better than Pi!

Had sayyidat liqa' today, and was happy as a result. I think liqa' just makes me happy these days. yatta! The rest of the world should be this wonderful too.

The most memorable part of today's liqa' was when Kak Faridah was recounting the story of Sayidatina Aisyah r.a. asking Rasulullah s.a.w. to make doa for her. So Rasulullah prayed for Allah to forgive her past sins, her future sins, the sins she committed in secret and the sins she committed in the open. And so Sayidatina Aisyah was very happy. Rasulullah asked her, "You are pleased with my doa?" And Sayidatina Aisyah said, "Yes, very much so, ya Rasulullah." And then Rasulullah said, "I say the same doa for my ummah every day."

There was a collective audible gasp amongst all the ladies at that. How wonderful is that. How can you not want to cry thinking of this wonderful, wonderful gift of a person. How can you think other than that we owe him more than our lives. How is it possible to not love him, seriously. These days, I feel like even if my life were to be reduced to my living alone in a ditch somewhere, I would still feel happy because I've found Rasulullah, and I ain't letting him go.

---

Roamed xkcd yesterday and laughed at this:

And this one took me a few seconds, but I like it!

---

Fandom rambles

My JE updates of course comes in the form of email spazzes from Duck, and today I ended up reading some random tabloid she linked to, about Yamapi and supposed scandalous photos of kissing. The photos, as expected, are nowhere to be found and likely do not exist. Reading the comments however, I find people actually hoping to see Pi and Keiko together cause they thought the two in Buzzer Beat were awesome and "totally made for each other". I was like this in response: O__o

All I can say is, they probably haven't seen what real chemistry is. Putting two pretty people together does not necessarily mean sparks. Me and sis were totally unmoved by Buzzer Beat's romance plot! It was ultra bland and I could care less if the characters ended up on opposite sides of the earth. I was just watching it for Pi alone. (haha.) Even Pi/Masami in Proposal Daisakusen was better than Pi/Keiko.

Pi/Maki - gosh. (You know I was heading there.) Every time people gush about Pi/some other random girl, I think that they probably haven't seen Pi/Maki. His smiles around Maki were to die for; since the days of Kurosagi and Nobuta, I have yet to see Pi smile like that again. When there's chemistry, they can be a foot apart and they are still oh-my-god-so-awesome-together and you want to root for them like some kaypoh, matchmaking aunty. The two were so awesome as a pair, even talk show hosts were teasing them like crazy. Please, newbie fans (who haven't even watched Kurosagi, which I find appalling). Educate yourself a little - Pi/Maki still tops the others.

I've been feeling inclined to revive my arabic again, and my teacher gave awesome websites like this: Ajeeb!

Yes yes yes, one day I shall be able to speak arabic like it's my mother tongue. I will, I will, I will! (Also, hopefully Japanese on the side, cause Jap is fun and my hobby. muaha.)

And I was just thinking -- how in this world, we do stoooopid things. It's normal, right? eeeyaar. I suppose, if one doesn't recognise when one is stupid, then one cannot progress to more clever things. Maybe. Okay, I should go to school already.

Had dinner at Swensens tonight, and my mum started telling us about her dream about Yamapi! I was like, No fair! Haha. She said she was at the market in Tampines (to think Pi would come to Tampines! XD) and there was a big commotion and it turned out to be fans mobbing Pi. And after a while, she decided to get his autograph as well and he was nice and took a photo with her. Haiyah, why don't I dream more of JE. :P

Also, tonight, sis and me started realising how much we miss not just Pi, but Pi and Maki. (My sis actually started whining about it.) My gosh, I would love to see those two in the same frame again. Please. Their OTP-ness should be exploited. I don't care if in real life they're weirdly estranged or whatever, I want to see them together on the screen! Mou. So much pretty angst, all gone to waste, otherwise.

Today was panic-over-FYP day. The graduate student, on whose help I am entirely dependent, was not at her desk all afternoon, so I couldn't get hold of her. Had to leave a handwritten note on her table. 2 months left to submission! :s

I really wonder where and what I'll be doing in about five months time.

I keep wishing Shaykh Hamza would come to Singapore to speak. I'd be almost ecstatic or something.

I have all these random thoughts in my head; but no time to consolidate them.

* I feel like my weekends are waaay more draining than my weekdays, in some sense. Can sakit dada (i.e. chest/heart pain) sometimes, teaching people. Although, my gosh, some kids are so cute, I have to refrain from saying sayang when I scold them.

* Some headaches are persistent. I tell myself: okay, I shall nap for 40 minutes so that my head gets some rest, which of course turns into at least an hour and a half, and then the headache still ain't gone. -.- I think it's a physical reaction to homework.

* Where can you find a lot of germs? Germany! Ahak, lame. Yesterday, the APEX mentors played this pick-a-question-from-a-box game; we all contributed a question each into the box and take turns being put under the spotlight. I got the question, What is your pet's name? To which I answered Elsie, haha. Someone got the question, What is the meaning of life? And we were all whoooaaa, and Ammar, I think, described how his life is mendak now, which cracked me up, man.

What stuck with me though, is the fact that Aisyah asked me, Shamiah, you gave that question, right? Because I was laughing and totally high or stg (maybe also cause of the chocolate cake), I simply said no. But later, when I had time to think about things, I realised what it meant, and part of me wanted to headdesk. :P I realise that I have this Miss Philosopher image or stg. Also, some people think I am so, so serious but haiyah, are you kidding me? Seriously. -.- If I could offer someone who was off her rocker, I'd offer myself.

* I think that if there's anyone constantly straddling boundaries, it's me.

* Oh, someone else got asked, What do you think is Allah's most beautiful creation? And I was sad that the obvious and only answer was not given, i.e. Rasulullah s.a.w.. Still need to ask, meh? :( Nothing else Allah created was given the honour of being next to Allah's name. People, wake up leh.

* The NUS computing school site is down, I think, and now I can't access my module site and thence cannot do assignment due tomorrow! :O eh, this is annoying da yo. EDIT: eh, can already! :D

Speaking of my computing module, Prof told us a joke about a Russian-made translation machine. The Russians were super proud of it and tested it in front of the English. They asked the English for a phrase to translate into Russian and to verify it, they would translate it back into English. So the English first gave the biblical expression, The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. The machine translated it into Russian and then back into English and gave, The vodka is strong but the steak is lousy. Then, they subjected yet another phrase to the machine -- Out of sight, out of mind -- and got back, Blind Idiot.

 

hehe.

I found a beautiful post from one of my favourite places for advice:

Source

You are strong…
When you take your grief and teach it to smile.

You are brave…
When you overcome your fear and help others to do the same.

You are happy…
When you see a flower and are thankful for the blessing.

You are loving…
When your own pain does not blind you to the pain of others.

You are wise…
When you know the limits of your wisdom.

You are true…
When you admit there are times you fool yourself.

You are alive…
When tomorrow’s hope means more to you than yesterday’s mistake.

You are growing…
When you know what you are but not what you will become.

You are free…
When you are in control of yourself and do not wish to control others.

You are honorable…
When you find your honor is to honor others.

You are generous…
When you can take as sweetly as you can give.

You are humble…
When you do not know how humble you are.

You are thoughtful…
When you see me just as I am and treat me just as you are.

You are merciful…
When you forgive in others the faults you condemn in yourself.

You are beautiful…
When you don’t need a mirror to tell you.

You are rich…
When you never need more than what you have.

You are you…
When you are at peace with who you are not.

I think I drank too much coffee today and now a headache is building up because I'm actually crazy tired but I can't sleep. -.-

Tonight, I realised that comfort can come from wonderfully unexpected places. I feel calm and confident, and more certain than ever that being true to oneself is a prerequisite to happiness and contentment. And that life may be hard, but it's so you can be grateful  for the shoulders to cry on.

Also, took a peek into fandom a little tonight, after what feels like a long time, and omg, have I said enough how I love Horikita Maki? She's like a beautiful porcelain doll and my favourite girl on tv (although it's not on my tv, heh), ever. And her movie Memoirs of a Teenage Amnesiac is likely coming to SG in April. yippee, I can look forward to it as a gift for the ending of uni life. :))

doll!

I've been telling myself: full speed FYP work begins tomorrow.

I was watching an old episode of Himitsu no Arashi-chan, where the boys were talking about Valentines that they received when they were younger. And Nino said he got a heart-shaped cookie of some sort from some girl he really liked. And it was pretty and homemade and left in a bag at his doorknob. Except that when he ate it, it tasted both sweet and salty -- she'd done the most cliched mistake of mixing up sugar and salt!

And then Nino added that he ate up every bit of it anyway. XD Oh, Nino. He can be such a meanie and a smartmouth, but at times like this, he is too cute. I swear, my Arashi ranking never remains stable. Every other time, one of them does something absolutely endearing or hilarious, and the ranking gets shuffled again. Haha.

School slowly taking over all my time again. And my weekends taken up by tutoring. It's quite exhausting, trying to balance everything. -.-

But looking forward to meeting up with Jean on Thursday night! I haven't seen her in nearly a year. o.o And seeing mumu, jw and eunice on Sunday, yay.

Today is better than yesterday.

:)))

It's when they say things like this, that I feel I'm working towards the right direction. SIGH. I feel alternately sedih (i.e. Malay word for sad; the word sedih always seems to convey more sadness than the word sad to me. heh.) and hopeful. But I get it; life is supposed to be tough and hard and trying. My dad says it's sunnatul hayah. Because you can't achieve true victory without trials.

My first day of school was a parabola on the graph of happiness against time. I was kind of happy and excited to go for the first lecture of the semester (Virtue and Leadership module), but so far, I don't like the class atmosphere very much. I think the professor is kind of a cold person. Things got steadily more depressing and I started getting anxious. For no single reason -- just, among other things, FYP swimming around in my head, eating the same boring food at the Science faculty and meeting up with Turk who was not in a great mood either.

Then I started getting really depressed, after Turk went home, when I walked around Science trying to look for my profs so that I could get an advanced module approved. It was good exercise I suppose, running from S1 to S16 and back, but this sinking feeling just started when I couldn't find either of them in their offices. So I took a break from prof-hunting and prayed first. And then after that, I resumed the prof-hunting and thank God, Chen Yu Zong was back behind his computer in his messy office. And when I trudged to S1 the second time, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to catch Prof Low (cause he's like a super-busy man) but guess what, when the elevator doors opened, it was Prof Low! I was super happy. "Prof Low, you're precisely the person I'm looking for!" And he was like, "You! Haiyah, you ah, I thought you didn't want me to sign the form anymore. Never say anything!"

And I wanted to laugh, cause haiyah, I really like Prof Low. He can be funny. Which was why I went to him first for an FYP project but he didn't seem to have anything for me. He's always so jovial and seems to really care about students. And so he signed my form and went off to his car. And I realised that, hey, all it took was one happy person to pass on his happiness to me, and I'm happier already. :)

And then I met Adilah before Structural Biology class started and we caught up about each other and I was happier. And I was very pleasantly surprised when suddenly, Aisyah and Yeatian (the Biology concentration people) popped out of the classroom Adilah and me were going into and we all kind of screamed simultaneously. XD Not high-pitched screaming, just like AAAAH-HOW-WONDERFUL-IS-IT-THAT-WE-SEE-EACH-OTHER screaming. Haha, it was cute. Yeatian still had frogs to catch after her class.

So, my school day ended on a happy note. I hope this is a good sign for my final semester. Eheh.

I don't know; I like that little things like that make me happy. Like bumping into old friends. It makes me feel glad that I don't need big things to feel happy; it's always the little things.

And this long entry seems to be some revenge post after being MIA for some time. Haha.

I love how eloquent this man is. The calmness that he displays when confronted with the journalist's too-easy-traps about what's wrong with Islam -- amazing. Too easily, we get mad at how people ignorantly perceive our religion and twist words around and deal with complex issues simplistically, and we fall in their traps. But here is someone who weighs his words, talks with understanding and conviction and clearly empathises with the ignorance. I feel so awed and humbled.

This past Saturday, when I went for the APEX Mentoring Talk and we were all asked who our mentors or role models are (and Mr Shaheed actually said other than Rasulullah -.-), I happily realised that this man is one of them. I want to achieve what he seems to have done; a marriage of true Islamic knowledge and a deep understanding of the world we live in today, so that we may be effective in this time.

If I had to choose a favourite comic from xkcd, it'll probably be this one. XD It describes the general theme of xkcd's comics; like they always seem to be saying, here are the incredible and weird contents of my brain.

I've been having one of those times again -- the I-can't-write-on-my-blog periods. I feel like my thoughts are too irrational, my emotions too incomprehensible and all of it so mixed up, I wonder if I should just stop thinking sometimes. Hm, not that I can even if I wanted to. Maybe I'm just trying to rationalise the irrational and I have to concede I'm just banging my head against a dead-end repeatedly.

When your head is in a mess, it's best to blog list-like:

* I'm starting to wonder if blogging publicly is at all a good thing. And maybe it's finally time I stop. I don't know.

* Trying to wean myself off facebook. How I got slowly sucked into that pit is beyond me. Mel and her it's-the-only-way-I-can-keep-in-touch-with-you justifications. That was how it started, meh. Don't they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions?

* How I realise that big things are always a result of a chain of small events one did not have the foresight to anticipate.

* Shaykh Hamza Yusuf said: Life gives you the same lessons repeatedly until you get the point.

* What is the freaking end-point of my focal adhesion pathway!!! :( It's the one thing I should have worked on and figured out for FYP by now but still haven't because I am getting majorly distracted.

Okay, I should really stop now. More pressing things to be done. And I don't think I'll be blogging again soon.

For 2010, I want clarity of thought and more awareness of time. And to finish reading things that need to be read.

These days, I can't read the newspapers without rolling my eyes or just getting myself all riled up.

For instance, this Al Qaeda and Yemen issue -- can I say, Here we go again? I don't trust anything that comes out of US intelligence; actually, I especially don't trust anything that comes out of US intelligence. Lies. All lies. I can't watch CNN without feeling like the word EVIL is plastered all over the screen.

It makes my blood boil. All the media needs to do, is just make a little mention of a certain country and the name of a terrorist group (which is quite possibly a big lie as well). Just, you know, mention those two names in the same sentence or the same paragraph even, and then everyone else makes a hoo-haa and soon enough, it becomes accepted fact among the blind, ignorant masses -- because you know, TV is God, and what the TV says is true. That's how powerful and potentially corrupt the media is. And the poor innocent people in Yemen are clueless. These stupid Americans from a country far away making claims about a place they know nothing about.

Yemen of course hits a soft spot with me because, not only is it the place of my ancestral roots, but it is a place that Rasulullah s.a.w. himself pointed out as blessed. Because it gave birth to some of the greatest teachers of Islam. If I'm not wrong, the hadith narrates that Rasulullah pointed his finger to Yemen and said, There is knowledge. (I think I better verify this. See below.) And I think the reason that a lot of Asian Arabs are ancestrally Yemeni Arabs is precisely because the missionaries of Islam to the east are these knowledgeable teachers from Yemen. They're part of the reason Indonesia has the biggest Muslim population in the world. (And that done without the sword, okay.)

---

Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “The people of Yemen have come to you. They are tender-hearted and more delicate of soul. The capacity to understand (fiqh) is of the Yemenis and wisdom is that of the Yemenis.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, no: 4129 & Sahih Muslim, no: 84)

Source here.

If US does anything stupid again, I swear I will be so angry.

Off on a little holiday to Jakarta and Bandung. :) (Brain, shut up about FYP and other worrying crap.) Will be back on the 25th.

Ja!

Happy New Year! :)

The Islamic Hijrah calendar just turned 1431.

HAHA, watch this. For real or what. I've never seen a panda sneeze.



XD

The way the mother panda was shocked - HAHAHAHAHA. She's like, What just happened???

Couldn't get back to sleep this morning because I started to freak out about my lack of any sort of progress for FYP, so then went online to get some things done.

And realised that we're going to have Chen Yu Zong again for Advanced Bioinformatics next semester. :\

At least we'll be prepared this time, although meh, I still think we're in trouble. Haha. Let my last semester be fruitful, please.

I watched this clip at Yu Jie's insistence -- so funny! This is why I love Arashi and why I love Jap variety shows. And I especially love the put-your-hand-in-the-box-and-guess-the-mystery-item game. Made me laugh so hard.



I loved it when Nino attempted to bonk Britney on the head, haha. She's seriously nuts.

Sometimes I feel sad that I'm so decent and kental (as my brother points out, I don't ever do interesting things -- oh what does he know) but other times, I'm thankful I'm decent and kental. Haha okay, I think it's too late in the night and I probably should not be blogging.

Today, went to the library to return some books and then ended up wandering around century square on my own, waiting for the rain to stop, and then I started splurging (finally got a pair of pretty shoes and a checkered shirt!) and got really scared because of the way I just do things without planning -- I started thinking about how I don't do any form of financial planning, and then I thought some more about the Malay families living in tents at beaches because they sell their houses without thinking and then become poorer for it and can't afford to buy another flat. :s Very scary. I felt like I was walking down the same road. This crazy impulsiveness.

On the way home, I amused myself by praying, Dear God, please help me be a good person without being crappy. XD I don't know where these thoughts come from, really.

Oyasumi.

About an Australian dude describing how he got into Islam, and I love the part where he talks about asking for a sign from God, and it was given in the way he least expected it. Just awesome.

It reminds me of the times I've asked for my own signs; one of the most dramatic ones was the time I sat in front of my computer blogging and being my whacked depressed self of the past, and begging God to just show me the way. And the next thing I knew, Amir Fadl's framed photograph on the wall of the stairwell, came crashing down all the way to the first floor. For no apparent rhyme or reason. A whole freaking framed photograph, okay, almost A3-sized. I remember just sitting stunned at the zen table for like a whole minute before getting up and putting the photo on the sofa so my dad could put it back later.

God works in mysterious ways. :)