Bored. Wanted to put picture. Heh heh.

Am so peeved.

I cannot stand the RJ promo papers. What is up with giving us deathly difficult questions??? Sadistic pricks. They love making us suffer. I can actually do almost all the TYS questions... but for the past year promo papers, I spend half an hour figuring out one bloody MCQ! ARGH.

I hate the school. I hate it. I hate it! I really feel like chucking something heavy at somebody. The other time I felt this angry at the school was during chem lecture when they told us, less than a week to promos, that they were still lecturing on Alkanes. I was sooooo pissed at that point. I was fuming like mad. Ms Tang is nice and all, but at that point, I just hated all the tutors. For putting so much burden on the students. For continuously dumping more stuff to study for promos without being the least bit understanding that we need time for self study. Grrrrr.

The upside of tomorrow is that it's the last day of exams. And am looking forward to some freedom at last.

Restraining myself from writing about Lymond here. Now that I've got the forums, this place should contain 90% less Lymond.

Buying PiF tmr! Hopefully. And celebrating Aisyah's birthday! Not that she knows that yet. Hee.

One more paper to go. Chemistry.

What shall I say about the promos? I can say nothing good, of course. The papers were traumatising, to put it simply. Math especially. Halfway through, I was sweating so much, both from the heat and the panic seeping in, as I realised the danger of not knowing how to do almost half the questions. I nearly broke down and cried right there in the exam hall. I would have if not for the fact that it would be a waste of time if I did and I realised could at least TRY to do as much as I can.

Physics started off okay. Even though I coudn't do parts of Section B, I skipped it and did most parts of Section C. Went back to Section B, and then started to panic when I still couldn't do the questions I skipped. It LOOKED easy, believe me. The numbers they gave were simple, everything seemed straightforward, but I just couldn't do it. I almost wanted to strangle myself. It was as if I had a mental block that I couldn't lift. Two words kept running through my head the last twenty minutes, as I stared at the chunk of blank spaces in Section B - Oh no. All I thought was: Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. HOW! HOW! And that helped me in no way to solve the annoying questions.

Oh, and it also didn't help that when I was busy punching in numbers into the calculator, something small and solid fell on my hand. I thought it was a tiny pebble. It felt like it. But from the ceiling?! Then I saw it. A bee. On my table. It was upside down and wriggling its disgusting six legs in the air. I was horrified. I scooted a bit to the left. I stared at it for a good five seconds. Breathing hard. I was thinking, "No! Not now! Not during an exam! Stop plaguing me!" Let me just let you know now, in case you didn't know, that I am simply terrified of things with six legs, namely insects. Cockroaches are at the top of the list. So I was scared of the bee. Finally, thank god, I gathered the courage to swipe it off the table with my calculator. Thankfully it didn't come back or anything.

I am hoping beyond hope that I will do okay for chem. It's possibly the scariest, considering how it is my worst subject. It's scary how I'm only discovering things about reaction kinetics now. Going 'Oooooh. That's how it is...' Frightening. With so little time left.

I realise now how all this exam torture boils down to me being lazy. I should have dedicated more of my time this year to studying. I should learn to be more like duckie. Discipline. Discipline. Discipline. Then can enjoy.

My S papers are surely gone now, though there's 0.000001% hope left. I'll get over not getting S papers and not getting scholarship. It's just one of those things I'll learn to get over and realise that it's not meant to be. Am perhaps not meant to study overseas. The same way I'm not meant to be tall. Or pretty. Or a genius. God knows better.

Am surprised at how I am quite happy to be just the way I am. Despite everything.

LYMOND RANTING. Pardon me. (Safe from spoilers though.)

Suddenly wish I was born in the sixties, when Lymond first came out.

Apparently, the fan base had been huge and there were those really obsessed kinds (like the way some people are about HP today) who started writing fanfiction. And understand that there wasn't internet for use 40 years ago. So they actually put pen to paper and wrote fanfics. *collapses* They have what is called a fanzine. It's called Whispering Galleries in Scotland and the American version is called Marzipan and Kisses (I swear... I cannot recall the significance of marzipan and it's killing me! Another lymond yahoogroup is called marzipan.). I think the Whispering Galleries still exists and its 85th issue is coming out soon. (Found this out at www.ddra.org) Their fics are really serious ones, I hear (Like what happens after Checkmate)... and these fans are old now! Can you imagine? Can you imagine 4o years down the road when HP is still as fantastic a series as ever but the future fans will envy us fans now who get to WAIT for the books to arrive? And we get to read fantabulous fanfics like those written by Cassie...

Even though I've known Lymond for more than a year now, I find out something new almost every single time I bother to research or read through numerous discussion threads. It never ceases to amaze me. Apparently, it really pays off to pay close attention to minute details. So, way to go Eunice. If you manage to read till Checkmate, you'll be a Lymond expert... the way you try to find the meaning of every phrase or historical reference. I discovered something absolutely fantastic about the chronicles today. Something that really stunned me in its brilliance.

Dunnett is without a doubt a bloody GENIUS. DD - You are the master.

I can't help but think that people who do not indulge in fiction as much as others are seriously deprived of such incredible experiences. Why do people not read? Some people think me mad the way I go on about books and Lymond, but do they really know what truly awes me if they haven't given it a shot themselves?

I was speechless today, I tell you.

The true depth of the series is mind-boggling.

She was darn smart I tell you. How can so much knowledge be stored in a human sized brain?

Came across a site that listed out the research books she used in writing Lymond. My eyes bulged out I think. Enough said.

I shall sleep now, while my brain tries to accept Dunnett's awesomeness.

Did another lymond quiz. 'Which Lymond book are you?': I'm the Ringed Castle. Weirdly, I never thought it as my favourite volume... But there are still some nice parts there. I need to buy it after promos...

Speaking of which, I SHOULD BE STUDYING. And damn PW. Ruining my life even more. My workload is heavy enough as it is, thank you.

Went to challenger today. Bought so many things! Bought new video editing software, cd burning software, a tiny retractable mouse and 3 DVD-Rs. Yippee.

Oh... I now have a brick from school on my desk. It's a brick with RAFFLES JC carved in it. After pe yesterday, Ms Poon asked if we wanted them or else they'd all be thrown away. It's really a brick from some school wall I think... hahaha.

Crap. My conscience is telling me to go offline. It'd do me good to listen.

Did a 'Which Lymond character are you?' quiz. I got Gideon. Heh. And is that Colin Firth? Looks like him.


Congratulations! You're Gideon Somerville. It's too
bad you were killed off between books. You
deserved better. You are a caring and talented
individual but your own talents tend to be
overshadowed by those around you. That's okay
with you, though; you know your own worth and
you want others to be comfortable--even if that
means they have to get all the limelight.

Which Lymond Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I have a 'bumper sticker' calendar, where there's a different bumper sticker (collected from numerous places) for every day. Normally it's a joke or a contradictory phrase like, "What if there were no hypothetical questions?" or "5 out of 4 people have a problem with fractions." Yesterday's was one of the most amusing and apt ones I have ever come across.

It said: If I could get a grip of reality, I'd choke it.

Haha.

Very, very little days left till promos.

At certain points of time, I am gripped with this immense fear of failing possibly every subject. I try not to do that too often, as it may have seriously detrimental effects on my psychological well-being. And somehow, ending up in an asylum seems worse than failing promos. I really try to work hard... Why do I feel so sleepy nowadays??? I reach home, fall asleep for two or three straight hours, and when I wake up, I panic like hell.

If only I were braver. If I only I didn't care to be different. Then it wouldn't matter if I got retained and had to stay an extra year. It would only enforce my knowledge of my subjects, possibly enabling me to do the S papers I want. But how can I bear being in J1 all over again? How about the torture of being spoken about and looked down upon by my current peers? Sad to say, I wouldn't be able to handle such a situation very well.

I suppose, to different extents, we're all scared of falling out from the norm. I really, really wish I weren't. It would make life much more painless, don't you think? If you didn't care at all what other people think, life would be very much easier. You wouldn't worry about how you think this person hates you for doing this or how that person thinks you look stupid.

I wish I had more courage... But it's so bloody hard to be brave. Especially when you always think you're small and insignificant. It really frustrates me sometimes. I know courage is not the absence of fear, but the knowledge that something else is more important than fear... And I think I would have enough courage when something close to my heart is threatened. I just hope I'll have the courage to face life when things don't go my way.

Ah sigh.

Time to get back to work.

(It's really scary how most things nowadays seem to me to link to Lymond in some way or other. For instance, if we're discussing good leadership in GP class, I'd think of how Lymond is far more demagogic than Hitler and as selfless as Ghandi. Or if I'm pondering about the concept of courage, I think about Philippa. In fact, almost every possible literature theme seems to exist in Lymond... Courage, death, love, honour, leadership, loyalty, friendship, mother-child relationship, betrayal, depression, tragedy... crap, even politics. What doesn't it have? No wonder I link practically everything to it...)

I knew I'd get some comment from a Lymond fan one day. Try typing Lymond in yahoo. My blog appears somewhere. There are not enough Lymond sites on the net.

Anyway, time to post:

'The Story of Wabbit'.

Written by Me, Eunice and Victoria in between classes in Sec 4 2003.

Jimmie was flying a kite in the garden when suddenly, he heard a whisper behind the bush.

He turned around sharply but could not see anything. A shiver ran down his spine...

... and up his spine again. His mum was calling for him. "Jimmy, dear boy, it's time for lunch!"

"I want to play with my kite!" Jimmy shouted back. "Not hungry, Mum!" He turned his attention back to the bush, looking hard for... something.

Then he spotted it. It. It.. It... It was a...

rabbit. "But a rabbit can't whisper, can it?" Jimmy thought. It was getting ridiculous. Rabbits cannot talk. "Hehe..." giggled the rabbit. Jimmy's heart skipped a beat.

The rabbit looked back at him with one beady eye, its buck teeth exposed as it grinned mischievously. I'm no ordinary rabbit. That's right, I'm a wabbit."

"Yes, I am a wabbit now... but look here, I transform!" *For those who don't know, wabbit = rabbit which can transform* To Jimmy's amazement, the rabbit grew bigger and bigger, then "PUFF", a magic cloud of dust and behold, there was a pretty lady there. She dressed in red. Red stockings too.

The lady looked kind of out of place in the beautiful red gown. Jimmy thought, "She looks rabbit-y."

"What are you...?" Jimmy asked.

"I've told you already," the lady said irritably. "I'm a wabbit." Jimmy then realised what it was that had let him to get the impression of her being rather rabbit-y. Her two front teeth were awfully big and abnormally off white. Did he mention they were extremely large?

His Mum was calling him again. "Jimmy, dear boy, time for lunch! I've prepared steak, baked potato, pizza, fries, hamburger... and your favourite ice cream!" Jimmy rolled his eyes. WHAT A NAG! Then the rabbit/lady/rabbit spoke.

"Is that what you eat? It's disgusting. Come with me... I'll show you something... Something much more delicious."

"Bring me where?" Jimmy asked. "What do you eat?"

"Follow me," the wabbit said, beckoning Jimmy towards the edge of the garden. Jimmy walked after her, his mother rattling off his list of favourite food.

"Here!" The wabbit exclaimed, pointing to a huge hole in the ground. She jumped in.

Jimmy tumbled through. He felt like Alice tumbling through the rabbit hole in Wonderland.

He landed with a soft 'thump'. OH MY GOSH! It was a dungeon!!! Captives were screaming, moaning, their arms stretching out.

Jimmy's voice was caught in his throat. His legs felt like jelly. He spotted wabbit a few metres away. It was no longer a lady. It had transformed back into a rabbit. A HUGE ONE. Its bunny teeth looked sharp. "Get behind the bars!" The wabbit ordered Jimmy, eyes fiery red. "You wanna know what I eat? I eat human flesh! Muahahahaha!"

Thankfully, just like Wonderland, ANYTHING could happen. Suddenly, finding himself armed with a brilliant adamantium sword, Jimmy shouted, "BRING IT ON!"

A battle followed, but the fighting skills of wabbit and Jimmy were equal. Exhausted, they slumped to the floor. Jimmy exclaimed, "I know! Let's end this with tic tac toe, my favourite game of all time." They took some chalk and started the game on the floor. Jimmy first. (By scissors, paper, stone game.)

*Here, Vic drew a tic tac toe game. And Jimmy wins.*

"AHA!!!" Jimmy cried out triumphantly. The wabbit looked devastated. Its face crumpled and it burst into tears. The whole dungeon fell silent as the prisoners stopped to watch in amazement.

Then the scene before his eyes disappeared and Jimmy found himself on a volcanic slope, face to face with the evil wabbit (or perhaps the only wabbit) yet AGAIN. "Muahahahahaha..."

"You think I will be conquered? Not that easy, boy! I took on your game, now I take control. Muahahahaha x 1000! Well, you see that crater? Jump in!" Commanded the wabbit.

Jimmy hesitated.

"After you," Jimmy said finally. "I've been brought up to be a gentleman."

"Jump in, I tell you!" Shrieked the wabbit, becoming angry with Jimmy.

"No, I insist, my dear wabbit," Jimmy said, as though they were anywhere else but on top of a volcano.

"Hey... Wait a minute," said Jimmy. "How old am I?"

"Who cares?" The wabbit answered. Suddenly Jimmy recalled that he had not had his lunch. His stomach rumbled. What should he eat? Hmm...

"I know!" Jimmy shrieked.

He grabbed the wabbit by its long ears and brought it over the crater of boiling lava. "I feel like some rabbit soup," he announced.

With that, he dumped the rabbit in and a ladle magicaly appeared. He drank the soup. Yum yum. And fished out the rabbit (roasted one) to bring back to his Mum.

As all stories go, he appeared back in the garden. Jimmy ran towards the house and shouted, "Mum, dear Mummy, forget bout those steak and fries... I have a roasted rabbit here!"

- And so ENDs our silly chain story. -

The rabbit should have been boiled, did you notice? It was boiled in lava. And notice how Eunice's part always tend to move towards Alice in Wonderland. Haha. Had a lot of fun doing this anyway.

I hate superposition. It is driving me nuts. And I am only at the stationary waves part. Don't bloody mention intereference or diffraction yet. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Ugh. I am struggling to finish studying all my subjects. Simultaneously.

And yet I still come here. It keeps me sane, I think. Besides, a life unexamined is not worth living.

I had a very fun civics lesson today! Laughed so much. We played a very interesting game called Suaku. Ms Lo distributed 5 M&Ms to each of us. And we were not to eat any of it yet. After that, taking turns, everyone had to say aloud what they haven't done before. For instance, you could say, "I haven't been on a rollercoaster before." In response to this, the rest of the class is to stand up if they have ridden a rollercoaster. And eat one M&M. At the end of it all, the person with the most M&Ms left is labelled a suaku.

Oh my goodness. We had so much fun. The confessions ranged from, "I haven't eaten snails before" (To which a few people stood up and confessed to have eaten snails.) to "I haven't reared chickedns before" to "I haven't gone on a date before" (To which, sadly, no one responded.)

On my turn, the girls were squealing like crazy for me to say, "I haven't had a crush on anyone on this class before." We were trying to sabo some people you see... And so I did. But really... who would have confessed to have had a crush on a classmate... Only Addy put up her hand... And Joel stood up. A certain someone we're always teasing didn't. Haha.

Was hoping to reach home at 3 pm today. But unfortunately, the moment I stepped out of the MRT station, it started raining cats and dogs. Cursing, I made my way towards the bus interchange. I really hate taking the bus nowadays. I'd rather have a nice walk home. So I took the bus. And got off at a bus stop. (Goodness. Where else would I get off...) Following that, I tried to keep out of the rain as I made my way towards my block of flats. Walked round and round and back and forth, looking for those sheltered linkways. And there were huge mighty puddles everywhere. Halfway through it all, I started laughing at myself. It really was pretty funny... That's the problem with myself. I have no problem laughing on my own. And God forbid anyone might see me. I really am insane. (I still can't forget the way Stephanie looked at me and said, "Why are you smiling at your plate of noodles?" back in Sec 2.) Finally reached home at 3.40 pm.

Kindly contributed by Sowmya: A short fortune teller who has run away is a small medium at large.

I have been guilty of the one thing I'd been complaining about a few months ago. Blog hopping.

But I didn't plan to blog hop! It just happened accidentally-on-purpose. I was visiting a friend's blog. A friend who I know pretty well. And I saw a link at her blog that made my eyes go wide. I was thinking, why should she be linked to this person? And I just kept clicking. And gasping. And clicking. And gasping. And I ended up at a blog far from the first person.

Felt a bit guilty.

But also felt enlightened. There are people out there who are really pretty good writers. And are able to express certain things I can't. Ah. Such talent.

I also realised that all RJ students mention promos every two entries at least. Or something about studies. I wonder if that happens for say, students from the UK. I wonder.

Am feeling pretty scared as well. Who knows who has read my ridiculous blog, which only existed for myself and close friends. Wish I had some way of tracking the people who have visited.

And people talk a lot about school. 80% about school.

I seem to split it half-half with books and fiction. Which proves how much I live in the dream world.

I suddenly recalled Yea Tian's beautiful poem entitled, 'apple'.

do you see?

that is why I close my eyes.

My previous entry won't appear. Why. Don't let blogger mess up my blog...

Had the Mendaki Awards Presentation today. Saw Adibah. The first time in 3 years... or is it 4? I couldn't believe she's not taller than me. I thought everyone would outgrow me by this time. It's weird. She still seems the same although she is different. Think I have her on my msn list now.

Hate wearing stockings. Hate the idea of being so formal. Ugh. Was so glad to get out of my blazer and skirt.

Don't really have mood to blog.

Am so glad both Turk and Duck have decided to give Lymond a try. Jubilation! One day I might actually be able to talk about it and not just read and write.

My sister was digging through her drawer and came across an old tiny notebook we doodled in. The contents pretty much made me burst out laughing... I really have no recollection of doing such ridiculous things. It's a stupid conversation thing between my sister and me. It starts and ends abruptly and we think some of the pages have been torn away or something. In it, we're pretending to be other things... She's a chick and I keep switching identities... All the parts in green font are my sister's.

But why? Chickies are cute. Compared to a monkey like you!

A monko is not a monkey. A monko is a magical being born from the horn of a unicorn when sunlight strikes it at just the right angle - 38.67 degrees. So it should be clear that I am a rare creature. I am more intelligent than any centaur, man or wizard. But I cannot be seen by the naked eye. I only take up various forms... like a mist, or in this case, beautifully carved out words.

Wadeva Monkey! *shows the L sign wif finger*

I can see that your brain incapacity does not allow you the privilege of opening up your mind to the unusual, to the OUT OF THIS WORLD. You are so blind. That's why you're a chick. That's why all you have is yellow fluff on your pathetic skin. That's why all you're destined for is laying eggs in your stinky coop. You're too small and insignificant to be of importance to a monko. I have wasted my precious time. What a grievous fault to have spoken to you at all. GOODBYE.

*sniffles* WAAA! Why u have to be so meeeeaaannn!!! I HATE MONKOS.

Hello. I am a badger. Would you like to talk to me? Stop crying and I might make you a peanut butter sandwich. *smiles kindly and pats chick on the head* There, there.

Ok. WOW. YOU HAVE LOTS OF BADGES. No wonder your name is badger. COOL!

You are so corny. For that I give you some corns.

I thought you were gonna gimme some peanut butter sandwich? Thx anyway.

Bye. I have to meet foxie, my friend.

Can I see him too?

No. He's shy. You should go back to your coop.

No. I will follow you!

*BANG!*

*Badger shoots chick with pistol. Chick dies instantly.*

*open eyes slowly* Am I in heaven?

"You're in hell, buster!" Said an ugly demon whose appearance was so revolting, it is impossible to describe in words. "You have been too pesky. And for that, BURN WORTHLESS CHICK!"

END

My sis says she recalls us doing that when I was studying. Which explains the pesky part. And my insistence on ending the silly conversation.

Really amusing.

One day I will post the Wabbit story done by Vic, Turk and me in between classes last year.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away.

I want to list out the moments in my life that have taken my breath away. As far as I can remember, that is. Here goes.

The time my family went to the southernmost tip of Australia, Albany, and I stood at the edge of a cliff. The ocean waves were crashing on the rocks below. It was about 7 pm. And the sun was setting. The weather was perfect. It was in short, breathtaking.

The time when we were driving back to Perth after the visit to the Albany coast and it was pitch dark on both sides of the country road. I was sitting at the back of the van. I tilted my head back to look out of the window and was astounded by the number of stars in the night sky. I never knew you could see so many stars! Of course I knew there are millions of stars in the universe... But I didnt know you could see that many from the surface of the Earth. And they seemed so close! I remember thinking... If I reached out far enough, I could pluck out one star from the sky...

The time I first set my eyes on DOT, the website my dearest bird friends created for my 16th birthday. I was thinking, 'They did this for me? They did this for me?'

The time I found out DM got AIDS.

The time I found out DM did not actually have AIDS.

The time I saw the DM lookalike at Orchard MRT station. I completely freezed up.

The first time I touched snow. Went onto the ice plateau on Jungfraujoch, Switzerland, and the wind almost knocked me off my feet.

The time my great grandmother died. She was the first person I knew who passed away. I remember how surreal the situation felt...

The time Pakcik Mail died. He died so suddenly, in his sleep, because of pneumonia and malnourishment. Yes, he was old. But... we never expected it.

The time when my sis and me were in the car at a petrol station in Bukit Timah. My dad was paying. And one of the Shell employees shouted 'Fire! Fire!' My heart just jumped up my throat. My dad rushed into the car and we drove off. Without paying. There was actually a tiny fire in a drain nearby but they managed to put it out before anything happened.

The time I took a rollercoaster ride which went backwards. I couldn't scream for a moment. But after a while, I did.

That's all for now...

This is from Checkmate, Lymond. I love the nickname... Yunitsa means cow in Russian. But it was also the name the Tsar called one of his wives, I think, and can mean sweetheart. Francis used it after he and Philippa shared a joke about cows. Only Philippa never thought it could have double meaning... So Francis keeps calling her that, and she never picks up the hint. Not that Francis wanted to actually hint her... I suppose it gives him some satisfaction to call her something affectionate without her knowing it.

The following series of pictures were meant for an assignment for a photography workshop I attended this past few weeks. The instructor, Nic, gave 4 themes. At first, I chose the one entitled 'Red'. Almost everyone did that. Afterwards, I discovered that finding red things in my house wasn't as easy a task as I thought it would be. So I decided to choose one of the other themes - 'There's Something About Me'. Each of the 7 photos I took says something about what I love, like, do or am obsessed about in my life.

If you know me, you will sort of roll your eyes at certain things... Anyway, just enjoy!

You can tell me what you think.

They see not what I see

The Art of Studying

Lymond and Chess

Keys

JKR

Cluttered Me

Chapter 17 of My Life

Sis...

More pictures at the beach. Those are my sister's legs, in case you were wondering... And playing at the beach was so darn fun! The wind was fantastic and the sand so soft. Of course, I didn't play soccer... but we played other stuff. Something the elders called 'jelun', which required two opposing teams to block and prevent each other from getting to one end of the playing area. Quite hard to describe. But it involved a whole lot of screaming and falling over, which was no problem since we were in the open and like I said, the sand was soft. Southeast Asia can be beautiful too, despite all the heat and sweat. Just go to the beaches... A warning though. It gets pitch black at night.

IMPORTANT NOTICE:

My guestbook icon has disappeared. Don't know how that happened. But if you have something to say to me, click on the comment button after each entry. Thanks!

I have managed to install bloggerbot in my new laptop! So happy. So pics can keep coming. :)

I'm much too distracted right now to blog...

Ladida.

Cracked seashell on a beach in Cherating. I like the way the grains stand out on the white surface of the shell...

I can't help it. I know I've read it before. But it's still so hilarious...

"Look, you whinging, pie-faced newt, this isn't about you, this is about me. Why would any girl go out with every boy on this campus, and yet neglect me, when I'm obviously the handsomest bloke at this school and in fact for several surrounding counties?"

"THINK A LOT OF YOURSELF, DON'T YOU, MALFOY? BOY, DOES THAT MAKE ME SICK."
"Does anything not piss you off?" Draco wondered aloud.

Harry paused and thought for a moment. "I don't mind Hedwig," he said finally, in a normal voice. "She's a good listener."

Draco blinked. "You're barmy, Potter," he said, in a more respectful voice than he'd ever used towards Harry before.

*

"WHY THE HELL IS MALFOY ORANGE?" he demanded of no one in particular. He glared around at his silent classmates. "FINE, DON'T TELL ME. NOBODY EVER TELLS ME ANYTHING."

" Mister Malfoy," Flitwick squeaked. "Ten points from Slytherin for upsetting Harry and coming to class orange. Now sit down"

Actually did some PW. Unbelievable. Sat in front of computer and crapped everything I knew about henna. There's something about the keyboard which makes my creative juices flow... Give me a pen and paper and I'll fall asleep. But give me my blogger account and there I go, typing away merrily...

Hectic day today. Got home and felt like I had been shredded to pieces. Felt that tired. Must have been all that PW. Must have been!

And there's chem mock SPA tomorrow and I have virtually no idea how to do it. And neither have I completed my tutorials for tomorrow. How is it humanely possible for me to do everyhing by tomorrow morning? And it's 11.26 pm now. Oh... why doesn't the school catch fire or something... Goodness.. that's a bad thing to wish. I take it back.

Janicia was one more from the group of stressed out people in school. (Hey, everyone's stressed out now.) She was writing a sort of timetable for tonight and I saw her assigning work for 2 am, 3.30 am and so on. And I couldn't help but exclaim, "Oh my god! Please remember to sleep!" And she laughed. Ah well. At least, I gave her some amusement.

And now I shall remember my own sleep. Whatever shall befall me tomorrow, let it be. I need to rest. Even my dad gets to sleep and I can't?! I only wake up a half hour later than he does and I get off school later than he gets off work.

I tell you, students are working 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. A 5 day week promised by PM Lee is pretty much impossible...

Everytime I visit Cassie's journal, I can't help but look at what all her fans are posting and saying and commenting. It is so very entertaining. And in case you didn't know, Cassie's going to publish her original fiction! I really, really am excited! She might still use Cassandra Claire as her pen name, but she says maybe not. Oh my goodness... I can't wait. And I don't even know what her story is supposed to be about!

The thing about Cassie is that... she knows a lot of things. She knows stuff. She reads practically everything, watches every movie or show worth watching... And she always manages to make any topic interesting. I read the characteristics of Draco and Harry list again... it's so sad... and funny too.

The reason I'm in front of the computer is because I'm supposed to be doing PW... But I really have no idea what to write... and everything else online is so distracting.

Wish I could be like Cassie. Sit at home all day and write. That's what she's doing now, apparently. And she likes it.

I want to write!!! I want to write! I need to write. I have to finish certain things... ARGH.

Yesterday's Teacher's Day was pretty interesting. Had ACES workout. Which is more or less a disaster... For the fact that practically everyone was backing away from the flagpoles, and people were running off to disappear somewhere. It really is very sad. I wanted to support those councillors but it still feels stupid to be doing the workout in front... But luckily, the girls in my class (the ones who actually turned up) walked up in front together. And did it together. Laughing throughout. But at least we did it.

Then there was the concert. The teachers were great. They put in a lot of effort, considering how much marking and SPA-ing they had to do already. And somehow I felt everyone was still not appreciative. Applause was half-hearted. There was no cheering for your teachers. It was all pretty sad. I miss the whole screaming your hearts out thing at RG. That was fun! Is it the boys? Are boys really that boring? And is it because the boys aren't enthusiastic, the girls feel they shouldn't be too? Or is it just the behaviour of 17 year olds? 'Hey, we're practically adults now, why should we be screaming like little kids'? It's all in the name of fun, WHAT! Grace is wonderful... She was the one who kept cheering on... I just wonder where all her spirit comes from. Ms Lo was so daring. Yes... she revealed the bimbo in her... Heh. And Mr McTay is simply amusing. I don't know... I think it's the way he walks, his expression or maybe how he seems to be oblivious to his surroundings. The moment McTay was announced, I looked at Nikki and she said, "Koory poof!" Hahaha.

After that we had the class party. To think that we were afraid there wouldn't be enough food. We had too MUCH! We kept donating to people. People kept popping into our room too, hearing about the pizza. But there was still so much left. We had two unopened tins of cookies, uncountable packets of crackers, one tray of brownie, 3 bottles of gassy drink and one box of pizza. Shafia said we have enough to last till half of next year. Haha. The biscuits are currently residing in Jean's locker.

And 10.40 am, me, addy and nikki set off for our respective ex-schools. Nikki, to cedar and addy and me back to qiaonan, not rg. Felt a bit guilty for not going back to my secondary school, but really, who am I actually dying to see? Truly, no one. Of course, it'd be nice to see some teachers... my cikgus, ms leow maybe, mdm yeo, who have been nice to me... But... I wouldn't know what to say! I mean, throughout my four years in RGS, I haven't been close to any of the teachers and suddenly I'm coming back and being all buddy-buddy and I-miss-you-teachers-so-much ing? Not bloody likely. If I had gone back there with Lilian and co, the most I would do is stand around and smile. A tag-along, in short.

So I went back to my primary school. It never ceases to amaze me how much one thing can change and yet how it still seems the same. The uncle who sells the drinks has a fantastic memory. He still remembers me and addy! He still does. Everytime I come back, he remembers. Bought a peel fresh drink like I always used to back then. The tables seem really small. Addy and me kept recalling all the food we used to eat... how delicious it was... and how cheap! The first stall now has halal tim sum! I can't believe it. The uncle there is the same too. And oh my god. The cleaner lady is the same.

Saw Mrs Choo, who besides her increasing number of white hairs, looks the same. When we came at 12 o'clock, she was still teaching. (They had lessons! Poor things.) So we hung around till 1.15 when they would be done. Saw Ms Chua, the music teacher. She has really grown older... Mdm Sutinah, Mrs Vera Tan (who doesn't seemed to have aged a day!) and Mrs PC Tan. She taught us Social Studies and I'd forgotten how much we loathed her! Until she started talking on and on. I don't hate her now of course, but when I remembered how much we used to dread her lessons, I really wanted to laugh. Everything seems so funny. She just loves to talk! Goodness... she would ramble on about this niece, that relative, who she knew was in university now... but she has always been nice. But I remember that when she became angry, it was scary.

When it was finally past 1.15, and we could talk to Mrs Choo... there was stiff competition. Practically EVERY STUDENT IN SIGHT wanted to talk to Mrs Choo. That's how popular she is. But Addy and me, being the oldest, won. She talked to us first. Asked about JC life... talked of a future gathering where everyone would come. And all the while, students walking past said hi to her, passed her presents... students wearing unknown uniforms even... Students from everywhere, who remember her. It really is amazing. To the extent that she would forget some of them... We had a lot of fun trying to remember the name of a boy who came up to her. With spiky hair and who was supposedly dressed 'coolly'. At first I had no idea who he was, then it struck me. And I said, unable to stop myself, "Oh my God!" He looked so different! Besides the fact that he was much taller (he used to be shorter than me, so imagine my surprise), he was just so changed from his nerdy, prefect self. He is 2 years my junior. So Sec 3 now. And I remember how he used to take the same school bus home. And I stood there, pretty much shocked. Boys really change a lot when they grow up. When I think of it, if I haven't been seeing my brother every day, I'd have freaked out by the way he's changed over the years.

So... we had a good chat with Mrs Choo. Hugged her a couple of times. Laughed at a few things. I gave her my present. And then we let her attend to her other students. My sister was around too and she went to see Mrs Choo as well. According to her, there was a queue of people to see Mrs Choo. I suppose this is the reward for being a dedicated teacher. And I don't think she'd want to be anything else. She's made to teach and inspire.

Some teachers have their share of fans too. But the thing that makes Mrs Choo so loved is perhaps because of her capacity to care. She cares for everyone. And she shows it. When we had a class, she used to be concerned about each student. We had a lot of fun with her. Normally, teachers tend to have favourites. The smart ones. The ones who participate. The ones who ask questions. The extroverted ones. And it's fine. It's natural to be more attentive of those who speak up, who make themselves heard. But Mrs Choo somehow reached out to everyone. Me, the quiet, meek one. Though I suppose I could classify as the one who always got high marks... hey primary school what. But even the 'mat's! The naughty kids. The delinquents. THEY COME BACK. Because, I suppose, they appreciate her. Half of my class isn't pursuing a college course. A lot are in polytechnic. Some have started working. A few Cambodians have gone to their native country to work. But we all remember her. Of course, this year, my batch didn't really turn up... but we're going to have a gathering. I hope it materialises. It will be exciting to see how everyone is now.

You are a GRYFFINDOR!
As a Gryffindor and as an NFP, you are idealistic,
loyal, and committed to doing what you know is
right. Creative, optimistic, and interested in
possibilities, you prefer to keep your options
open. You are curious, imaginative, and
perceptive. You value harmony highly, and are
excellent at resolving conflicts.

Hogwarts Sorting Hat: Based on Myers-Briggs Personality Typing
brought to you by Quizilla

I can't believe they actually have such a thing! And it's accurate too. It doesn't have the introvert part, but apparently it doesn't matter how loud you are. Wheeee! Love this. A Gryffindor... Got this quiz from one of cassie's fan's blog... who did it and is in Slytherin.

I don't know whether I should be blogging at all right now, though I've been wanting to all week. Why? Well, for one thing, tomorrow's my chem lecture test and I should be studying. I think I sort of understand Chemical Kinetics and Equilibrium... but I don't think I'll know how to solve any problem they give. I just don't have the drive to work hard anymore... which is pretty scary, really. The second reason why I shouldn't be blogging is because my internet connection is being crankier than usual and there's a very big chance that whatever I type now might not end up in my blog. Everything might just disappear as soon as I click 'Post and Publish'.

But I shall blog anyway.

When things are too coincidental, is it fate? Like how Jean and me ended up in the same JC class. Or how Duck and me, and Turk and Pige became friends. It's strange that Eunice became my classmate and Shen Onn became Yu Jie's. It sort of created the perfect situation for the blossoming of a special friendship. Or how about the way my mum and dad ended up together. They had been in TKGS and TKSS respectively. Which is incidentally physically situated next to each other. And they had been in the same polytechnic. And had been friends at some level. After that, they only met again because they ended up working in the same vicinity and bumped into each other. Coincidence? Is fate a bunch of coincidences? I don't think Jean and me would have been as close friends as we are now if we hadn't ended up in the same class now. Or take what happened yesterday when me and Nadia went for photog outing. We went to Botanic Gardens. We got thirsty and so we went to the cafe. There was a Malay guy there who Nadia thought was cute. I agreed... somewhat. By the way, I think Nadia has the strangest tastes in boys. Anyway, we bought our drinks, walked around some more, taking photos, and then went home at about 6pm. We were on bus no. 7 and guess who was next to us? The guy Nadia thought was cute. Me and Nadia were furiously exchanging glances and grinning. My eyes were positively bulging, I think. And I muttered under my breath, "This is too coincidental, Nadia." Haha. Of course... after that we got off at Orchard mrt station and he didn't come off with us or anything.

But still... Maybe we shouldn't ignore certain coincidences. They might reveal a glimpse of the future, eh?

A warning just appeared on my screen. It says my computer might have 'spyware' and suggests screening. Is this a normal thing? Do you have pop ups regarding spyware?

I realise that I haven't reviewed Checkmate yet. And it was (how long...) a month ago that I finished it. So I shall. And I shall ignore that part of me that worries about what my reader thinks.

Checkmate is the best of the six volumes, though Pawn in Frankincense (frankincense is a mediterranean thing that you burn for its scent, I think) and Game of Kings come close. First of all, Francis is tortured more than ever here. To digress a bit, Francis is Lymond's first name. Lymond is the name of his property. And the fact that I know he's hiding a secret so important to him makes everything so... exciting. Every scene I read, I look out for clues and 'watch' his behaviour to see if he might reveal himself in anyway, unawares to the other characters. That's the thing about the chronicles! You become so involved with it because the reader himself does not know Francis well. This is because hardly anything is written in Francis' point of view. You want to know what he thinks, you have to work as hard as anyone else in the story in figuring out this enigmatic person. It's frustrating yet so satisfying when you find out finally, the truth of his actions or his intentions when he finally speaks of it. It's just very... interactive. I can't seem to find words that are adequate enough in describing my experience reading it. I can only recall two scenes where Dunnett writes what Francis thinks. When he falls in love and the time before he was on the journey to Flaw Valleys, England. And those short segments of writing are so rare and precious, they stick in my mind. Like the quote I once pasted here...

And deep within him, missing its accustomed tread, his heart paused; and gave one final strok as if on an anvil.

That was when he realised he had deeper feelings than he thought he did fora cetain someone. And the visual imagery just dramatizes everything. I just love the way she writes! It's poetic, sometimes. Sometimes it's direct. It's like she mixed a modern way of talking and the beauty of old English together... so that it's not so hard to read yet the, the, beauty of English is there, you know. It's not as hard as Shakespeare. But you know how in the end you understand what Shakesperare means and appreciates how he conveys his meaning? Ah, that's what I mean with Dunnett. Though not at Shakespeare's level. So if you think hard enough, you can understand.

Sometimes it's like instead of reading a scene, I'm watching one and I'm trying to figure out what the character feels and means. Sometimes you don't know what to think, then you may get frustrated and confused. For instance, Philippa, who's busy helping Queen Mary of Scots at court, gets a distressing letter. Instead of writing that 'Philippa was distraught. She felt as though she couldn't go on anymore' and easily let her reader know the impact of that letter, Dunnet goes on to show that Philippa put the letter aside, left to attend to the queen and describes how Philippa spent the remaining of that day. At this point I'll go, "Hah! Hah! What's going on! Did she not care about the letter?"

And finally Dunnett shows how Philippa laid in bed at night, too tired to fall asleep and when she finally did at dawn, she was woken to the sound of cries. After a while, she realised her maidservant was hugging her. And that it it was her own cries which woke her.

Ahah! Here is where I start to choke up. The impact is a million times more than if Dunnett were to simply write what Philippa felt and thought directly. And this technique is used qutie often, I think.

Anyway, about Checkmate... I love it. I found out who Francis Crawford really is. Philippa has become an amzing woman. She's grown from a 10 year old tomboy who hated Lymond's guts to an intelligent, respectable lady 11 years later. There's the romance which is heart rending, because of its numerous complications. Then there's all the pain of reading about Francis in pain. The blindness. The headaches. The hurt of having killed his own son. The constant fear of his death. It's as though he's become so fragile. In Game of Kings, it wasn't as frightening because when he was fighting or running or battling, you know he has the will to live and he's strong and skilled. In Checkmate, though he is just as strong and skilled, experienced now, it's scarier because his will to live has dimmed. I was clutching my cheeks at some parts. Hello, he tried to kill himself. Sometimes I wish I could take him by his shoulders and shake him. Make him see that he should not blame himself for all the deaths he thinks he's responsible for. For all the people who have died because of him or for him, he saved many more.

Game of Kings' theme is mostly about loyalty and one's roots and honour. Queen's Play about leadership. The biggest theme in Checkmate is undoubtedly, love. I have never known a love story more amazing and touching. Or one that spans as long a period. Each thinks at first, that the love is not reciprocated. Then when they do find out that the contrary is true, new things become an obstacle. It really is much too complicated to say them here. And the most interesting thing is that they love each other so much but they display no physical affection (because of a certain complication). But their love is still so evident in how Dunnett writes... How they understand each other by using eyes and without any need of words, how each affects the other in the littlest things, how much each is willing to sacrifice for the other... They don't kiss till the very end. Because they have suffered so much, you want them to be happy so much too. I really became so emotionally involved with the whole world of Lymond. As much as I have with HP, I think.

Hehe. The rally speech is finally over. SO LONG. Isn't he thirsty?

I think I've written enough about Lymond too.

I really don't want to talk about how dreadful school is. Or how much stress I'm going through. It's terribly boring. I can't seem, though, to write of anything else. There is nothing going on that isn't about school.

Well. I ate ice-cream yesterday. Macs vanilla cone. And some at night from the tub that my mum bought.

Oh my god. Even that isn't interesting.

I have reached the lowest of the low.

My life is so mundane. Boring.

Started on Inheritance in Bio!

I can't make that sound interesting either...

I am drawing blanks here.

I need adventure. I need something new to happen. Not new in the form of a new topic in chemistry or physics. But something different. I feel BORED.

I found out that my blog is being read by anyone who's interested in the name 'Bafadhal'. And since members of the Bafadhal clan tend to want to type in the aforementioned family name in yahoo, my blog pops up. And they read my blog. Cousins... father... god knows who else. It's weird. I normally have no interest to read blogs of people who I'm not close to. Why would I want to? It's more or less the same as being kaypo. A high-tech kaypo person. But hey, you say, people have blogs for others to read what... I suppose you've got a point. But I still don't see why you have to be interested in someone else's life so much unless of course the person lives a wonderfully exciting one (not me) or you're interested in getting to know the person better. The latter is a valid reason... I realise I'm going in circles with this argument...

I think it's just that the idea of people I don't know reading my blog irks me! The idea that people who are not supposed to read my blog, read my blog, irks me! Ah sigh.

I also found out that if you type Lymond, my blog appears too. I was amazed at first. Dunnett fans are rare, I guess...

Dr Allan Balmain is Scottish! Hee. Went for the cancer talk with Eunice. Was pleasantly surprised to find that he's Scottish and was slightly thrilled by the accent. I really can't help it that I get excited when anything remotely related to the chronicles happens. Anyway, I think the title of the talk was inappropriate. He wasnt really talking about what actually causes cancer... But more on what he thinks will cure cancer, which is very informative all the same.

Despite all my complaints about my life being uninteresting, I actually crapped some stuff. Hah.

Lysistrata tomorrow! Some entertainment to look forward to. :)

I find it so hard to be happy for long nowadays. Depression has become so normal.

People can see it in my face, sometimes, I think. Samuel saw me today and said I looked tired. But I wasn't, really. I just felt down. Emotionally tired but not physically tired. I don't know why. I should learn to find joy in those happy little things that happen, right? But now that I think of it... Those happy little things come rarely too.

It's the whole thing about promos and getting good grades, I think. My whole life has transformed into this obsession over school. School. School. School. It's really giving me a headache. If it's not all the homework I'm having trouble keeping up with, it's all the CCA responsibilities I have to fulfill. I'm taking all these the wrong way. I must be. All this school experiences should be enriching. Why am I feeling as though I'm being drained of all my energy instead? I feel like I'm running endlessly, running and chasing... god knows what. My As. The dream of a scholarship. I want those, don't I? I do. I really think I do. But why then... do I not have the enthusiasm to keep going? Why am I not feeling completely happy?

I think what I need is to pray more. I shall strive to find that inner peace.

*****

Ramblings aside, I shall say that I read Yeo Lay's (Ex physics teacher) favourite book, Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom. It hasn't become my favourite book but I highly recommend it to anyone. I think I cried over it more than I have over any other book. It's very enlightening. It sort of sums up all the lessons I've heard of about life... What to think about death, about family, about love, about aging and the meaning of life. I finished it within a few hours. An easy read.

Oh. I paid the $21 premiere library membership fee and borrowed the cds. Haha.

And I watched The Village. Most people say it sucks but frankly, I like it. Not an entirely fantastic movie, but I like it. Shyamalan is still a genius to me. Some think it a waste of money because they entered the movie theatre with all the hope of receiving a good, entertaining scare and not a good story. You want that, go watch Ju-on. I think everything that happened in the story fell perfectly into place at the end. It's the kind of story that makes you want to recall everything from the beginning to end.

Maybe not Shyamalan's best work (That's still Sixth Sense, I think), but still a good piece of story.

Read DV 15. Slightly disappointed cause I finished it under two hours. But I still love it. Some of the parts cracked me up. Really. Few authors are able to make me laugh until I clutch my stomach in pain. Cassie's one of them. Of course... the jokes are still not as good as they used to be (recall peanut butter sandwich scene)... but some of the humour's back. :)

"Ginny!" Draco cried. "My Ginny, my darling - thank heavens you're safe!"

I am now going to launch into a DV ranting/review so... in case you're a reader, you've been warned...

*****

Of course Hermione's not dead. It'd be too good to be true. I really think the Rhysenn who returned was really Hermione... somehow.

Poor Ron. I'm so afraid he's going to kill himself or something. I mean... If I were him and I knew that my blood and existence were to bring the end of the world (my gosh, this sounds cliche), I'd want to die.

I really, really like Ginny. I've always liked Ginny. I love the way she's being strong, selfless, and honest with herself. (Unlike selfish Hermione!) I almost wanted to cry at the part in the garden with Tristan/Draco. I love, I hope. Wonder what that means. Maybe there's hope still for them both? I think so.

And oh my gosh, is pesky Seamus dead for good? I almost feel guilty for always calling him pesky... He's a good guy... His kind of characters always exist... They're good and they don't deserve to be hated but people just hate them because they're pesky.

I foresee the two Voldie's ending up killing each other.

And of course, the friendship between Harry and Draco cannot get any closer. What they have is so special... As long as they don't turn gay! I pray they don't. Their bond is so unique, to make them gay would ruin everything.

I'm going to paste a quote that probably all DV fans have on their blogs by now.

"I don't," Draco said. "I want to stay with you. Watch over you. Follow you always. It's what I was meant to do. Blood binds us, Harry, and some fate more inextricable than that. And I want more selfish things. No one wants to die at seventeen. I want to be young and to live, and to be with the person I love, and I want to travel and see the world. And I want to get married and have children some day, and spoil them rotten so they grow up to be foul little bastards, and I want to die in bed when I'm a hundred and ninety, hexed to death by a jealous husband."

The 'jealous husband' part made me squeal! Goodness. Luckily Harry didn't catch on that... Well, of course he didn't because he's nobody's husband... yet... Let's just hope she's dead. Actually, I pity her... But better her than anyone else! Selfish female dog.

*****

I was reading the reviews at Cassie's blog and apparently I'm not alone where being torn between Lymond and Draco is concerned. There are people who agree that those two are probably the two most amazing male fictional characters ever created. And who also can't help but compare the two.

Though... Recently I've begun to suspect that Cassie has been ripping off certain things from Dunnett. There are things common between them that are much too coincidental.

Like the way both Draco and Lymond always lean on things to support themselves so as to appear unperturbed but are actually unable to stand up, on the brink of collapse or blind. Oh my god! YES! BLINDNESS. Just realised that. Now THAT is too much of a coincidence. Both of them experience bouts of blindness!!! Due to poison! Though Lymond's is slightly more complicated. Maybe I should ask her directly, if she's shaping Draco according to Lymond. Because if she is, then, then, then, it'll be really wrong! Because Draco will essentially be Lymond and at first, the reason I was attracted to Lymond was Draco! This distorts things pretty badly. But I suppose there's nothing much wrong, legally, with using Dunnett's stuff because it is fanfiction.

They both like brown haired girls. And have been associated with red haired girls.

Both had almost crossed a river to the afterworld (Draco via the bridge and Lymond via the boatman) but were being called back reluctantly to fulfill duties they hadn't completed. And they both actually wanted to die.

Both are adept with using the sword. Both are filthy rich. Both have sharp tongues. Both have been described as someone who you really, really like or really, really hate.

Of course, not to mention, the likeness in the physical attributes. Except for the colours of the eyes. Maybe Cassie couldn't make it blue cause the book already said grey.

And oh my gosh. The French roots. Isn't it peculiar that Cassie has to make Draco have French blood? He can speak French... Lymond's born in France but he's full Scottish.

Oh yes, both have been misunderstood as evil.

I rest my case. They are very, very much alike. And there's a 70% chance that Cassie is either consciously or unconsciously making Draco into Lymond.

*****

Had nowhere to go after national day celebrations today. So sad. Nikki had RP so we couldn't watch The Village like we wanted to. And Jean didn't even come today. Addy went off with Joel. And everybody I would consider going out with just disappeared! Smsed Duckie but she said she was already going out with some friends... Understandable. Called Munirah and she had already made plans with her rock climbing mates. Almost called Jiawen before realising she's in Australia. Eunice has her learning journey thing. Bet Pige had something on with her class too. I just had nowhere to go. And it was utterly disappointing. Called my sister and even she had plans with friends. Ended up going home with Pramidh who I hardly know and who's only been a recognisable entity for being in the same Thursday PE class. She's nice of course. And has extremely pretty eyes. I told her that and even added that it sometimes looks green. Which sent her laughing. I added that it could possibly be all the greenery of bouna vista reflected in her eyes. Haven't I mentioned that I love green? For the wrong reasons, some would say. But hey, I still like it.

Anyway, was so very down because of the fact that I appeared friendless (Sister did not help the situation by taunting over the phone that all my friends have left me. I kept cursing her and she kept laughing.). So I decided that I could very well entertain myself. Am very good at that. So I set off by myself... First of all, bought waffles with blueberry paste. Nice. Nicer than the ghim moh one, I feel. Then walked down some shops and went to the Tampines library and stayed there for approximately two hours. Time flew past. I just looked through so many books and enjoyed myself immensely. Looked at all the Literature books. My hand itched to pick out one of Shakespeare's plays but the logical and sensible part of me prevailed. How could I possibly understand it by myself? And even if I could, I could not possibly afford the time. Found some cds to borrow. Educational ones. A Dorling Kindersley interactive history encyclopaedia which got me all excited. And one about Egypt and another one about Lost Civilisations. Wanted to borrow them all but when I got to the borrowing machine, it rejected my card. And it turned out that borrowing cds is a completely separate thing from borrowing books. Membership was required. WITH AN ANNUAL FEE OF $21. That made me all angry and sad again. Because when I found the cds, I thought the day had turned out a bit better... only it didn't. Comforted myself by marching around a bit and returning the cds in the incorrect place. Then went back to the lit shelf to see if I could at least borrow a book. But because my mood had been spoiled, I couldn't appreciate anything much anymore. Wandered off to the psychology section and finally got absorbed with those personality things I get obsessed with occasionally. Found a Chinese destiny precicting book which says that my element is Earth and I have a voracious appetite. And love to learn things and because of that, think I know more than others. Haha. Also found an astrology book which says that psychology is a profession strangely common for Taurus people (which made me go yay). It also said that marriages between Aquarius and Taurus people are strangely uncommon. And Taurus people like Taurus people. Which explains why I love my aunt so much and think she's leading the perfect life.

(Realise I need to start a new paragraph.) After all that endless browsing, I ended up borrowing a book called 'The Secret Language of Dreams'. Pretty interesting so far. Has Freudian and Jungian theories which I find intriguing. Though I think Freud is a bit mental because of the way he assumes his sexual repressions are shared by everyone.

The mind exists in 4 levels:

1. The conscious. Where the ego is in control and the 'I' decides everything.
2. The pre-conscious. Where the mind stores clear facts, memories, ideas and motives.
3. The personal unconscious. Where a person's deepest unacknowledged desires and fears are stored and appear in dreams as symbols which are personal to the person.
4. The collective unconscious. A large pool of symbols and ideas shared by the human race which Jung thinks forms the world's myths and religions.

Read a section about lucid dreaming too and feel like up to trying it again. Being able to do it would be amazing.

So... after borrowing that book and feeling ok again, I got out of the library, bought a coke and green apple slurpy from 7-11 and headed home.

And here I am.

I wonder if this is my longest entry to date.

It's been extremely long since I last blogged. Not entrirely my fault, on account of the fact that my computer has been sent off to the Challenger workshop for repair. The darn thing kept hanging for no reason. Of course my dad blamed us kids for downloading too many programs but really... all I did was put in the Hello BloggerBot thingy. And edited my videos and photos. And surfed the net. But that's it.

Am using school's computer by the way. Waiting for 1.10 and Eunice's school day to be over so that we can go for the horsie cip thing. ...Why do we love adding the -ies after animal words: birdie, horsie, fishie, cookie... haha.

Ah well. Nothing much has changed in life. Same school day routines. Same food. Same stress. I wish something interesting could happen, you know. I sound ungrateful, I know...

Watched the season finale of smallville last night. And manu was right, we should have the right to sue the people. What a terrible ending to a season! Well, most season endings leave you hanging, but this one is just plain nasty! HOW can they let Chloe die? It's completely unfair. She's one of the more human characters in the show. You know how Lana is so 'perfect' that she becomes annoying. And Clark... who is so stupid. I hate him for what he said to Lex. As if HE doesn't have his secrets. And why couldn't he just say goodbye to Lana. Idiot.

The show is clearly getting stupider and stupider (at some parts) but I can't seem to stop watching. It's the whole thing about fictional series. You get hooked to the characters instead of the plot. So regardless of the plot, you just have to know what happens to the characters. Of course not all series are like that. HP for one. And Lymond. And LotR, I suppose. Hm.

I seem to be blabbing things I don't mean to to some people lately. Things I didn't have any intention of anyone knowing. Oh sigh. Can't seem to hold my tongue. Can anyone keep something to oneself forever? Maybe... if its revelation is too painful to comprehend. Confusing. Confusing. How I hate being confused.

Feeling extemely fed up. Received a wake up call to reality today. Sigh.

Wanted to review on checkmate but something always has to get in the way.

Next time then.

I have failed to update that tests have been over, for two days now. Shall not speak of it or of the coming release of results. UGH.

And I have, of course, bought Checkmate, and finished it. Kept reading till 3.30 this morning. My brother and sister and me camped out in front of the tv for the euro cup finals. I woke them up at 2.30 am. And my brother naturally thought that I was insane, reading non-stop through the night. But I didn't see the goal by Greece, cause I fell asleep at about 4 am, amidst the croaking of my siblings' voices singing songs and especially Nelly Furtado's song (the one with something 'forca' inside it...). So Greece won. It makes no difference to me whatsoever. My sister told me that they were singing wholeheartedly when my brother suddenly said, "Eh, Greece scored a goal." And then they carried on singing. I was sort of awaken at the end of the match, found out Greece was the champ and fell back into slumber almost immediately.

I feel happy and sad at the same time that I've finally completed the Lymond chronicles. Sad, because all the excitement is over. Happy because, my god, he's finally happy.

And just in case whoever reads my blog might one day read the lymond chronicles, I shall leave some spoiler space. Though... I have to say that chances are low... Although Duck has said that I've persuaded her into reading, I think she might not persevere through the series. Because it is very lengthy. And even I got fed up at some parts. The reason being I don't understand the french he's saying (My god, especially, if it's set in France) and the literary phrases he keeps referring to and its significance to the plot. But if you just feel that no matter how hard the reading is, you have to know what happens in the end, you'll be rewarded with a fantastic story and a triumphant end. Do you know I was smiling away to sleep this morning? I was just so happy.

Throughout the past two days ever since I purchased the book from borders, it has not been more than an arm's length away from me. Hee. Well, going out now. Bro and sis complaining that I'm insane as usual.

Shall review on checkmate in next entry.

Your True Nature by llScorpiusll
Username
The quality that most appeals to you:	Sense of Humour
In a survival situation, you:	Fight, but reluctantly
Your hidden talent is:	Endurance
Your gift is:	Sexual prowess
In groups, you:	Get the party started
Your best quality is:	Your insightfulness
Your weakness is:	Your lack of sensitivity
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

I'm going all Meme crazy. These things are so addictive...

My gift is my sexual prowess. Let's see how inaccurate Meme can get. But I like to think that I'm insightful and enduring.

Get to know the REAL you by crash_and_burn
Your Name
You Are A:	Classic Rocker
Your Favorite Band/Song	Ludacris - Rollout
You Like To Read:	Non-fiction novels
You Firmly Believe In:	Free love
Everyone Thinks You Are:	You don't have any friends
You Were Conceived:	In a bed, duh
You Will Marry:	Your current boy/girlfriend
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

HAH! That is how inaccurate it gets! I like fiction more than non-fiction, that's for certain. Just look at my obsessions. And... uh, I can't possibly marry my current boyfriend... when he doesn't really exist in flesh and bone. This stuf is so ridiculous yet entertaining...

Oh my god. WHAT AM I DOING? Tomorrow is my chem test. Someone smack some sense into me.

Generate your Anime Style by Jena-su
Name:
Hair:	Rediculously long, usualy tied up in ribbons.
Clothes:	A bit revealing, but nothing too over the top.
Powers:	Shape Shifting
Special Features:	Random tattoo(s)
Sidekick:	Your best friend.
Attitude:	Mysterious as all hell.
Weapon:	Katana
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Got this from Duckie's blog. Long hair... Quite accurate, though my hair wasn't as long as it used to be. My sidekick is my best friend? That's quite a problem. I have a number of good friends... which one do I choose to be best? I'd rather have a fluffy animal. Preferably a lamb which I could name Elsie. Hee. Tattoos are ugly. But mysterious is good... I like mysterious. It has something to do with my liking blonde-haired I'm-not-what-I-seem entities.

I must be crazy to be online the night before a test. But... it's just a test, isn't it?
Ugh. Sort of finished studying chem but have not practised enough. And frankly, I am sick of looking at anything chem. I just can't wait for the bloody school week to be over!

I keep envisioning the dawning of friday morning. Me going off to school, smiling away, knowing that it would be the LAST test paper, regardless of whether or not I'm fully prepared for math. Me completing the last page of the test paper (that is... if I get to the last page). Me waiting for the teacher to collect my script. Me positively quivering with excitement. Me rushing out of the hall and frantically asking classmates if they would want to go out with me straight away. And even if nobody wanted to, me would still be smiling away, cheeks almost snapping with the force.

Because all I would be concerned with would be to get my hands on Checkmate. On Friday, I'll be heading for Borders straight after the Math paper. I keep seeing that book, sitting on the shelf, on the back of my eyelids. It's just there, ready for me to devour.

The wait for Friday is almost unbearable. In many ways, this is worse than waiting for OotP. For one thing, Checkmate is the LAST book of the Lymond series. Which means all my questions will be answered and the happy ending I'm hoping for will come. Besides that, the book is THERE. If you know what I'm getting at. When you wait for OotP, you know it's not been released and nobody has read it yet. This wait for Checkmate is torturous because the book was released almost 30 years ago in 1975. All I have to do if I were to give heck care to the bloody tests is to march off to Borders and grab the book off that shelf.

However, I seem to care more about my studies than I thought I did. So I can't possibly let myself flunk without an effort to flunk less worse. So Checkmate has to wait.

Mum ordered all to be in bed by 10.30. When was the last time I was in bed that early? Can't recall. But is for my own good, I suppose. Anyway, I feel sleepy.

Less than 12 hours to Chemistry Paper and the beginning of the end.

Finished Ringed Castle. Love it so much, I keep reading the good parts again and again.

This obsession is clearly destroying my life.

Starting to get scared. Reality is rushing back. I have pushed away so many responsibilities and now I'm paying for it all. Am so dead.

Aunt wants me to finish M'sia trip video by weekend. No offence... but is she nuts?! I have studying to do, stupid CIP to complete (Which I really am considering skipping altogether and get a white slip), and an MCS meeting to attend. And in order to be able to do all that, I have to get Lymond out of my head! Dear god.

Just switched on my phone today. 9 unread messages.

I feel like I've been running too long and now I've come to a corner and there's nowhere to go and nothing to do but wait and face all the monsters.

And deep within him, missing its accustomed tread, his heart paused, and gave one single stroke, as if on an anvil.

I just love that line.

I am going to sound insane. Oh, what am I saying... This place is already crappy to the brim.

I just read a Lymond review, searching for clues. And I found it! I am soooo happy! REVIEW I actually jumped up and down in joy and screamed. Thank god the house was empty. I found out who Lymond's going to end up with and it's the person I've been banking on. I am so right. You see, in the last entry, I was so fed up because he was behaving atrociously towards her. He burnt her letter before reading even half of it and more or less, ignored her existence. It is infuriating. Even though there was supposed to be nothing going on between them yet, he should at least treat her better.

Now I feel like reading the book again. I shall study tomorrow. That leaves about less than 10 hours of reading... Oh dear.

I know all this Lymond stuff is getting really disgusting for some people... but I really can't help it. I get obsessed easily.

Oh, and I hope you read the review. The writer has expressed all my exact sentiments.

Just got back from one week trip to Malaysia. Throat hurts like hell from consuming sweet foodstuff every waking hour. I can hardly swallow without wincing. Anyway, now that I'm back, I have a lot of studying to do. Had a horrible dream in Malaysia. I dreamt I was in school and Munirah asked me if I'd finished studying for the geog paper. I hadn't. And naturally I freaked out. I sat for the paper anyway and answered the mcqs blindly. I recall certain words that had nothing to do with geography whatsoever. After that, I had to sit for a higher malay paper. And I hadn't studied for that either. I was cramming malay idioms with Aisyah (who had finished studying, unlike me). I was really at the end of my tethers. Fortunately I woke up before I had a panic seizure. My brother related to me that I made strange whimpering noises in the night and my face was screwed up in weird expressions. Hah. Also, it took me some time to realize that I don't take both higher malay or geography anymore. Thank god.

Brought "The Ringed Castle" (5th Lymond Book) on the trip. Was reading furiously at first, but then I got so fed up that I stopped. Lymond was being so terribly ANNOYING. I couldn't stand it. He was treating certain people appallingly. And he is so darn stubborn! It is clear that he doesn't care if he lives or dies. Doesn't he realise how many people are worried about him? ARGH. Of course, I also feel so sorry for him. Feel like crying everytime the child is mentioned. How can it all end well? Good stories hardly do. Look at the Dark Materials Trilogy, Titanic, Troy, Braveheart... DT too. Not that I can even see an end coming for DV.

Oh well. My fault that I love such stories. All that pain and angst. All the drama. The quotable phrases. All the blood and gore. And of course all the beautiful people. Haha.


"Do not smirk at me, Master Malfoy!" Dumbledore shouted suddenly.

Draco jumped, and scowled. Why did everyone always tell him he was smirking when he was merely smiling? Just because his lip had a habit of curling up slightly on the left. Privately Draco thought it was endearing. "Sorry, Headmaster." ~ Something Impossible by Cassandra Claire (Read at your own peril. It ends in slash. But is funny.)

The trouble with me is that I can never be diligent enough to record all the important events in my life here. I should have written about a whole lot of things... including Pige's birthday meeting... But, I just don't FEEL like it, you know. It doesn't mean it's less important than Troy. I just need to have that URGE to write, to WRITE.

I went for the CCA Leadership Camp. Don't really know where to start about it. I learnt a lot. A whole lot of things that the instructors meant to impart to me and some things that I've observed myself. But at the end of it all, I felt depressed. More knowledgable, but nonetheless, depressed. Oh well. I don't wish to go into detail. I have this involuntary reaction towards bad memories - store it in the deep reaches of my hippocampus (Isn't that where the brain stores memories?)and consequently never speak or write of it ever again. Maybe that's why my memory is getting poorer and poorer. All that stuffing isn't doing me good.

All that aside, I wish to rant on about Lymond. Am now on to the fifth book. I'm devouring everything like it's a drug and I'm the addict. Really can't quite help myself. The story is simply amazing. And there is no character quite like Francis Crawford. He surpasses DT!Draco in many ways. You know the way Draco always thinks for himself last and readily sacrifices himself for others? (Recall the destruction of a certain vial of antidote.) Multiply that a million times for Lymond's case. Sometimes I wish he would stop being so altruistic and think for himself for a change. It really is so painful to watch him suffer.

There was this exremely suspenseful and exciting part where Lymond battles his arch nemesis, Gabriel, in a battle of chess with Lymond's friends as the pieces. Two young children were involved, one of which was his son. And the game culminates in an ultimate sacrifice, wich made me cry like mad. I had to fling the book down because I was so distraught. REALLY.

I am so frustrated that I have virtually no one to share all my thoughts on this.

"Dear Kate, how understanding we were about funerals, how we shared in the weeping beforehand and the lightheartedness, the unsuitable laughter which followed. We've had a victory. We've won a battle whose importance perhaps no one yet knows, after a year of effort which has changed every one of us. Gabriel is dead; and we are free and alive, except for one small boy, a stranger to whom we were strangers too. And tonight, there is hardly one of us who does not wish, in his remorse, that he died in his place." ~ Philippa, Pawn in Frankincense, Book IV of the Lymond Chronicles