Occasionally, I come across a blogger who, dang it, sounds like me that I am positive I know her somehow, haha, but she is one of those who gives zero access to her identity -- so, that really, I actually have no idea. This person likes Lymond and J-dramas and the Draco Trilogy (omgz!), and it made my brain go into weird overdrive wondering if her LJ username sounds the least bit familiar. Or maybe it's a common thing to like all those three separate things at once?

Anyway, I have decided that I need to read Dorothy Sayers' Lord Peter Wimsey series, because of the supposed parallels between Lymond and Lord Peter.

Oh Lymond, how you have destroyed me, you have no idea.



And the same blogger reflected on Draco from the trilogy: (this cracked me up!)

I feel old. I used to love this stuff and eat it up with a spoon but now I feel attacked by overzealous adjectives - it's so busy. It makes it feel overheated. One doesn't have to be a follower of uber-terse Mr. Hemingway but it feels as if a thesaurus exploded in there. Moreover, probably because I am a decade older, Draco is not angsty and supercool any more - I just want him to. stop. talking.

Yeah, yeah, your evil abusive father has poisoned you so you are dying, the world is about to be destroyed, and your love life resembles a hexagon or an episode of Passions. But can you stop overemoting all over the place? Stoicism and quiet are admirable traits but I am not even daring to hope for those - I just want a break in the non-stop stream of overwrought emo - doesn't it get tiring to be in constant cosmic anguish?

He is ridiculously high-maintenance and I have low tolerance for that, and my tolerance gets lower and lower as I get older. Either he or CC's Harry make awful boyfriends. I think by the end I only like Ginny, and I think that is mainly because she forced it out of Draco that he lurves her forever and ever as his souuuuuuumate, had sex with him, and then ditched in the morning because they both have way more growing up and therapy and ducttape on Draco's mouth to do before they hook up for good. That is about the only sensible thing anyone ever did in that entire trilogy. 

So maybe she's right, maybe she does deserve respect
Maybe she walks around feeling like a superhero with that scarf dangling from her neck
Maybe nobody is forcing her to wear it,
Maybe she would never leave home without it,
And maybe she don't care what people think, cause most opinions ain't even valid
Maybe she feels free; maybe she has peace of mind
And maybe she'll give you a piece of her mind if you step out of line,
Maybe she isn't perfect, but maybe she's trying
Maybe she is just taking things one day at a time
Maybe she laughs and maybe she cries
And maybe you would be surprised at everything she keeps inside
Maybe she hears every single word said by those cowards
Maybe she has no problem defying all those who doubt her
Maybe she is a warrior and the silence is getting louder
Maybe she wears that shield cause every single day is a battle
Maybe she is more than the skin she is in,
Maybe we should start learning how to love what's within
Maybe God only knows all the places she has been
But maybe she comes back to Him, again and again
Maybe she's not afraid to die, just afraid not to live
Maybe I am not worthy of everything she can give
Maybe she is kind, sweet, pure, gentle and suitable
And maybe, just maybe she is beautiful.


I like this bit especially: Maybe she's not afraid to die, just afraid not to live


---


I have a few days till placement starts. And I shall strive to be on task and excellent and curious and most importantly, positive!


I was recently inspired by Lauren Booth (Tony Blair's sister-in-law who famously turned Muslim) who described how she is always known as Miss Upside, cause she sees the bright side of everything. And when she covered Palestine as a journalist, she met the most amazing Muslims who, more than her, found joy in the worst circumstances. Their world may be torn apart by war, but they were the ones who welcomed strangers into their homes, and had big smiles on their faces, despite the fact that their families were broken or missing. I felt so ashamed; how do I compare.

Alamak, my paper is tomorrow; this advice should have come sooner! And it has one of my favourite doas (I've been looking for the arabic script for this...).

A bit panicky right now because I don't know how much detail I need for tomorrow's paper! and "what ifs" are clamouring my mind. :s

from the beauty of islam

Get worse, oh crisis, so you can get better;
Your night has declared the coming of the morning.

Been watching BBC adaptations (in between the mugging, I promise!) and finished George Eliot's Daniel Deronda. I have mixed feelings about the story -- it's about Jews and their status in society in Victorian England, and also about the difficult lives of women in general, and also about what chasing after your own desires lead to. I think the main problem I have with the story is that there are in fact too many things going on, and nothing specific to root for. The drama's redeeming quality is its cast! :D ahah. I adore Romola Garai! She's a captivating performer.

And the character she plays - that's the reason I thought this was worth blogging about. A thoroughly unlikeable person - selfish, conceited and vain - but I learnt to like her by the end! :O Because she'd learnt to suffer the consequences of her actions gracefully and transformed into a better person, albeit with the guidance of Deronda, who she'd pinned her hopes on but lost anyway. Character-driven stories always appeal to me. It surprised me how much I liked her in the end.



"I've always thought I was the best of gamblers, now it seems I've lost in every way."

Speech Language Pathologists need to:

1) Be aware of their clients as individuals
2) Have critical thinking and clinical reasoning skills for differential diagnosis and choice of treatment
3) Be familiar with formal assessments, procedures, and equipment for diagnosis and planning intervention
4) Have clinical skills in assessment and intervention
5) Know about clinical research findings and integration of research principles in practice to allow EBP
6) Acquire diverse clinical practicum experience
7) Adhere to standards of ethical conduct
8) Have an understanding of current contemporary professional issues

---

Rasulullah s.a.w. is the greatest blessing; the ones closest to him are closest to Allah, and the ones most ignorant of him are furthest from Allah. 

:)

I really am going to try to keep to the Monday + Thursday weekly fast, every time I can. There was a study I'd read, showing that depriving oneself of food twice a week correlated with fewer neuro-related diseases in old age! So then I started copying Saj (our awesome senior and also PBL facilitator) and started the weekly fasts.

Be less worldly and the world will be a better place for all of us, I think. Seriously.



Have hope in the Prophet s.a.w. for he will never betray you. He will stand by you.

<3

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

Emily Dickinson

Reality, Philip K. Dick had once said, is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

The beauty of any object is measured by its capacity to point to the Real.

- Imam Abdul Latif Finch

When I have time at my disposal (to study, actually, and to keep up with my research work, because it's reading week), I start to return to a version of my self that is quite different from who I am when I'm busy. And I become this.. I don't know, a more distracted child. Haha! I return to my loves, basically. My reading, and digging up stuff because I am simply curious. I also become more of a philosophical nut. Really, give me a tower of books and I will simply be quite happy. What's with me trying to make my way in the world with this clinician stuff huh.

But yes, I remind myself that this world is not a dream.

Lead me where You will; my heart on a platter.

---

I get extremely irritated every time I realise that there are virtually ZERO youtube videos of Arashi or any JE group anymore. Johnny and all the higher-ups need to be smacked over the head with a pan, or something equally violent. I can't find a single version of Arashi's WISH PV anywhere online. I was listening to it randomly tonight and missed the PV and wanted to have a rewatch, but failed to find it. If this had happened four years ago... I wouldn't have been able to love JE.

One day, Kpop will seriously take over ALL of the JE star power, even in Japan, and it will be entirely the management's fault.

This was the best I could find: (and, gah, this was 7 years ago now???? Dear god, Arashi is old. I am old.)


Wish by Arashi by saryoma

WISH <3 <3 <3

"SO THAT'S HOW THE COMED-TEA WORKS! Of course! The spell doesn't force funny events to happen, it just makes you feel an impulse to drink right before funny things are going to happen anyway! I'm such a fool, I should have realized when I felt the impulse to drink the Comed-Tea before Dumbledore's second speech, didn't drink it, and then choked on my own saliva instead - drinking the Comed-Tea doesn't cause the comedy, the comedy causes you to drink the Comed-Tea! I saw the two events were correlated and assumed the Comed-Tea had to be the cause and the comedy had to be the effect because I thought temporal order restrained causation and causal graphs had to be acyclic BUT IT ALL MAKES SENSE ONCE YOU DRAW THE CAUSAL ARROWS GOING BACKWARDS IN TIME!"  (Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality, Chapter 14)

The author is really quite genius. Ah, gems of fanfiction.

:OOOO

Intelligence is the ornament of every serious woman.

- Arabic proverb

That this is of arabic origin is astounding to me. Haha. Perceptions of my ancestral heritage (separate from religion) are quite prejudiced, sorreh, my Arab blood.

Also saw this:

There are many who love in this world, but very few who commit.

- Arabic proverb.

We all fail at this, to some extent.

Enjoying Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality while in transit, and I like the fact that it explains bits of stuff like this:

Harry looked up at McGonagall and sighed. "I suppose there's no chance that if I said fundamental attribution error you'd have any idea what that meant."

McGonagall shook her head. "No, but please explain."

"Well..." Harry said, trying to figure out how to describe that particular bit of Muggle science. "Suppose you come into work and see your coworker kicking his desk. You think, 'what an angry person he must be'. Your coworker is thinking about how someone pushed him into a wall on the way to work and then shouted at him. Anyone would be angry at that, he thinks. When we look at others we see personality traits that explain their behavior, but when we look at ourselves we see circumstances that explain our behavior. People's stories make internal sense to them, from the inside, but we don't see people's histories trailing behind them in the air. We only see them in one situation, and we don't see what they would be like in a different situation. So the fundamental attribution error is that we explain by permanent, enduring traits what would be better explained by circumstance and context." 

True, this. Because some things only seem to make sense to you, while the rest of the world may think you mad. I do remember learning about fundamental attribution error in Human Relations class at USP three years back. Interesting stuff.

Also, I concede that the fic is getting quite hilarious at points. Like the fact that Harry wore a headband to cover his scar! XD what the frak! The image of that in my mind cracks me up.


Obnoxious Harry:

"Cor," said the red-haired boy, "are you really Harry Potter?"

Not this again. "I have no logical way of knowing that for certain. My parents raised me to believe that I was Harry Potter, and many people here have told me that I look like my parents, I mean my other parents, but," Harry frowned, realizing, "for all I know, there could easily be spells to polymorph a child into a specified appearance -"

"Er, what, mate?"

Not headed for Ravenclaw, I take it. "Yes, I'm Harry Potter."

I remind myself that everything is as You wish.

Ah, my favourite bits about the heart using kinetic typography!



---

I'm finally getting to the linguistic analysis for our research project and came across this in one of the P5 compos:

"He and his sister opened their room door gently like a smooth criminal."

Haha! You wonder what goes in the minds of these kids.

Also, (on reflection of being cringe-level-emo in previous posts),


daijoubu desu! Truly. If not right now, eventually I will be.

Chill! Take one problem at a time, please.

I think I'm getting more and more cryptic here because I can't seem to afford the time to write at length. I have one-liners stuck on my mind over a few days, and there it goes in an entry. Full reflection on the other hand is a time-consuming process - which many people don't seem to get. Like part of my placement requirement is to keep up with regular journal writing for benefit of the faculty - in a crazy hectic hospital setting, where will I find a moment's reflection? And not only that, to pen it down??? I take back what I said about feeling less apprehensive for adult placement: now that I know where I'm heading in a few weeks, I feel my anxiety level rising.

The good thing about being a therapist is that you learn the very same skills for management of your own problems; so here's my platter of issues, I shall prioritise. Which problem requires my immediate attention? How may I deal with it? And all the time, I keep in mind the benefits to level of functioning and well-being, so the big picture is served. After all that, you leave it to providence.

---

Selawat is magic. To the point where I fear my using of it so recklessly.

Greatness is in the little things, my darling.

It's been aphasia all week! Exhausting to the extreme, but can't say that it wasn't good either. I feel less apprehensive about adult placement now!

The problem with hanging out with people so similar to you is that - while you enjoy the fact that you like similar stuff and can enjoy similar activities - you also reinforce each other's bad habits.

This is a refreshing thought for me; normally I gravitate to people who are similar to me -- comfort zone and all that right. Also birds of a feather flock together. But! How are you going to discover new worlds if you don't mix with people who cover new or different ground?

On Saturday, Mini and I spent close to an hour in a tiny rental bookstore after a failed movie plan, and we were like, "Oh my god! This is so bad! I don't want to go out with you anymore!" Hahaha.

How beautiful it is to stay silent

When someone expects you to be enraged from them.

And how beautiful it is to laugh

When someone thinks you are going to shed tears. 

 - source

how pretty!

Little internal victories keeps me happy with myself.

I'm singing my blues...



Big Bang, you win! I've been recently and belatedly hit by a little Korean wave and listening to Kpop more than usual/healthy, but it's always Big Bang that deserves a post on my blog. Ah, so awesome they are. World famous and all too.

And the song is timely too because I was feeling a little blue tonight. But then, awesomely, comfort comes from a random message from Jean who I haven't heard from in a while. And all we exchanged was how much we missed each other, how we used to share about our difficult times, and how we need to meet and chat. See, how does one not believe in little gifts from heaven like this? (:

---

The whole cosmos is meaning set up in images.

- Arab poet.

But then there's a danger of finding meaning in everything or anything or in random things? Hm.

Had a nice chat with Duck after a long time, it feels. :)


And then I thought again about this prayer:


I seek refuge in You lest I misguide others, or I am misguided by others; lest I cause others to err or I am caused to err; lest I abuse others or be abused; and lest I behave foolishly or meet with the foolishness of others.


Amin.


Cause sometimes, you don't intend for things to happen, but they do. And you need God to protect you from your own silly doings.

One of the hallmarks of a really, really good book: the more you read it, the more you get out of it.


---

Ozymandias
by Percy Bysshe Shelley
I met a traveller from an antique land Who said: "Two vast and trunkless legs of stone Stand in the desert . . . Near them, on the sand, Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown, And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command, Tell that its sculptor well those passions read Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things, The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed: And on the pedestal these words appear: 'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!' Nothing beside remains. Round the decay Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare The lone and level sands stretch far away."

Oh, forgot to mention about the JE-related news that shocked me after the last PBL class this past Friday:

Haha!

It sounded so incredible that I was sure it couldn't be the infamous Jin, but oh my god, it is. And yes, isn't he supposed to be cavorting around in the US, working on his American accent? When did he have the time to end up with a shotgun wedding situation??? And Meisa -- whaat. -.- I thought the girl had some sense.

Does this sound like a fanfic situation or what. Haha, the fodder this offers!

Botttomline, all I care is that Pi better not be walking down this same road. Jin has been known to influence Pi in the worst ways.

I keep rooting for my OTP and this happens to their respective friends instead! oh, funny world.

I don't usually watch Glee, much less gush over it, but -- This is too cute! They attempted to follow the original to a T! Grease was a staple in my teen years too; years ago, my parents insisted it was the high school movie of their generation and made my siblings and I watch, haha.



I think Sam imitated John Travolta hilariously well. :D

The original:



:DDD Thank god it's recess and I can do things like this.

---

And one of my favourite funny clips! I love Brit humour.

I thought I was the only one who gaped at the moon tonight. But I see a lot of people mentioning it on facebook. I was already through the door of my house earlier, and turned around to lock the gate, but then the gorgeous full moon stared back at me. I went back out of the house to stare at it for a while.

:) Masha Allah. Beautiful month, beautiful moon.

Also, a great day! Yokata, my presentation is done.

From the CNY week a while back:

We went to the Singapore Philatelic Museum (because apparently it's one of the few left to be covered by our visiting classmate haha) and then walked up the slope on that nice rainy afternoon, toward Fort Canning Hill, and of course we passed by the ROM. This picture is hilarious. So in character ah, Mini.

And then, after our little trek at Fort Canning, and complaining about how we should be with a date rather than each other and how we got freaked out over a pair of black balloons floating eerily across a quiet courtyard, we set off for dinner at the other Datin's place and had Indian rojak and roti john. And watched some old episodes of Big Bang Theory.

Now it's all, busy busy. -.- Research presentations tomorrow.

Though I managed to organise some of my tudung on this new hanger I bought:

Pretty colours. :) And I probably need at least another 4 of these to cover my whole collection. Yikes.

And I shall sign off my break now. Tiredzzzzz, but work calls. Ja.

I miss you, my friends.

“Say, ‘In the Bounty of Allah and in His Mercy, let them rejoice therein.’ That is better than what they amass.” | Qurʾān 10:58

Indeed, sometimes silence holds within it the essence of eloquence,

And often speech merely fodder for the faultfinder.

Lovely stuff. Happy Maulid Ur-Rasul! 

Singapore should have more holidays. Today should have been one, and tomorrow too. Our spiritual beliefs should take precedence, right. Sad rat race we live in.

---

I am prone to feeling silly about myself, and I hate the feeling. Oh, to not fear ridicule. And go wheresoever with clarity and conviction.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

Is there a real you?

This man says, not really.



I've always talked about and wondered when it is that the 'you' now is no longer the 'you' then or the 'you' of the past. I always say it takes about a span of two years, haha. Because it's often that I look on a blog entry from two years back and cannot entirely recognise the state of mind I was in. And yet, strangely enough, if what is proposed in this talk contains some truth, what happened then resulted in the me now.

Also, if a lot of what we are is this process of development, is this blog, possibly, one of the greatest representations of my self?

:O

wow wow wow. ahahah.

I should shut up, and go do something productive instead of mulling over hypotheticals.

I finished Terry Goodkind's first volume in the Sword of Truth series, Wizard's First Rule, and it's been good so far. More so than I expected! It wasn't his style that got me, but the conceptualizations of love, hate and anger and how magic has been built upon such human emotions. There are very, very twisted ideas in it too, and gory like no other thing I've read, I think. (Entrails spewing all over the ground, and potions consisting of hearts, brains and other unmentionable organs.) But strangely, I don't think it's off-putting. It just makes the whole thing more... real; the horrors are deliberately being thrown into the reader's face to emphasize how villainous the villain is. And then one starts to get angry the way the protagonist, Richard Rahl, gets angry at everything. No surprise, the book succeeds in many parts where the television production fails.

I thought this bit about how confession feels like is fascinating. Confession is the power of enslaving someone by touch, and it basically exploits the emotion of love in someone until it consumes them entirely.

Pain. I remember the pain. It was exquisite, beyond anything you could imagine. The first thing I remember after the pain is fear. Overpowering fear I might be breathing wrong, and it would somehow displease her. I almost died from fear that I would displease her. And then when she told me what she wanted to know, it was a flush of the greatest joy I had ever known. Joy, because then I knew what I could do to please her. I was overjoyed that she had made a request of me, that there was something I could do to satisfy her, and make her happy. Nothing else was in my mind, only to please her. To be in her presence was beyond bliss. The pleasure of being in her presence made me cry with elation.


I like this confession scene! Kahlan <3.

You know, you think you're a freak until you meet another freak, and realise there's a whole world of freaks, and it's actually not that you're a freak, but that you've just been in the wrong place all your life.

(:

What a gift to be created as a human being knocking on the doors of eternity!

This morning, someone at APEX gave his reason for joining APEX: To stay sharp. I want to be a war journalist for Al-Jazeera.

And everybody was like: ?????? What's the connection! Hahahaha.

Tutoring English would help me. 

Seriously, I forget that this can really be fun sometimes.

---

I also finally watched the finale of that Jdrama I mentioned, Watashi ga renai dekinai riyuu.

<3 Ultimately, it's more about friendship and the strange route our lives take, rather than romance. And I love the way it ended! They're happy even when things didn't turn out perfect like the way they wished it could. It was awesome. Jdramas, I swear you win over Kdramas in almost every way. I don't think they're even within the same league to be compared. :P

And Namie Amuro's Love Story as the theme song:



The blue bird of happiness has been in your positive heart all along.

Moments of clarity, why so fleeting.

Those precious times, when suddenly, you see things clearly and you realise you're so happy this moment, in this time, and you feel like whatever is thrown your way is small and trivial and you see the bigger, grander route. Where you're going is clear; the path is bright and certain. But then, you turn your attention, answer a call or get diverted by a television screen, and it's gone.

Until hopefully the next precious moment of clarity.

They say problems as big as mountains will feel light as a feather's touch.

I can't remember who said this, but:

It may be that those who do most, dream most.

I fully intend to do more this 2012. There's only so much one can go on babbling and not sound empty when one doesn't follow through with action, ne. I simply want to work harder and please God.

Happy 2012 to you!

---

This is an adorable tumblr that ohmygod, actually makes me want to go back to be a teenager again -- like what. How old am I that I actually reminisce so fondly on my teen years.

Not to digress: this is a tumblr involving the HP golden trio answering random questions; cute beyond belief! And it stays close to canon!

Harry, when did you first suspect Ron and Hermione had feelings for each other?

If you had to be in a different House at Hogwarts, which would you choose?

Haha, Gryffindor or death?!?!? Nothing less expected of a Weasley.

I have succumbed!

The new year approaching, which means a new beginning! With new and renewed hopes. Let my steps be guided.

---

This is so beautiful!

My voluble heart speaks with a tongue too sublime for interpretation. It mentions you unremittingly.

from this tumblr

---

Trying to get our research proposal approved by ethics boards is a nightmare - the red tape, seriously! This really puts me off working in any sort of research capacity within the field in my future career. Taking care of nitty gritty matter is not my strength and gets me irritated very quickly; I don't know how people in HR and administration deal with this stuff all the time. Ish, paperwork, why are you such a thorn in my side! 

If you truly want God, you want what He wants. And if you love something, you make much remembrance of it. 

Amen.

Maybe it's just lag time, so patience is the way.

At a moment’s notice you need a moment’s notice because something has changed. God allows us to see what is there after what had been there. We see the smile perhaps, but not the budding smile, and if that smile only buds and then quickly returns to its place of safety we may not see it at all. We see only some scenes in a play of reactions to our words or our pleas or our gestures. Light needs an object to shine on, so it's a shame if the light's not right, you may have missed something to the darkness. Better to not be too sad when someone doesn’t seem to respond exactly how we hope, just imagine something budding in the lag time.

from here.

Why is December always a pile-up of everybody's birthdays together! I think I'll go bankrupt with presents. Not to mention also holiday costs, yikes.

Been working on my granny's big birthday bash photo montage, and I also got a spanking new camera! (The real reason I'm going bankrupt, right, haha.)

Got the Canon Powershot G12 (which I'm sure is pretty common among consumers; I'm quite sure Marli has this same one). I personally think it's awesome because it's the perfect combination of lazy and pro, heheh. There are convenient knobs for one to tinker around with the shutter, aperture and exposure etc (knowledge I should try to brush up on and finally put to real use) but is not a real DSLR because the lens are fixed and not changeable. So you know, I can try to be a pro with my photos without having to deal with the clunkiness and confusing hardware of a DSLR. I don't see myself lugging around big cameras and lenses; I'm just not that disciplined enough. Think I might go borrow a photog book to read up a little, and refresh my old photog juices, if I had any.

---

When one does this video/photo editing stuff, songs get stuck real easy.

I can't smile without you,
Can't smile without you,
Can't laugh, and I can't sing,
I'm finding it hard to do anything.
You know I feel sad when you're sad,
Feel glad when you're glad,
If you only knew, what I'm going through,
I just can't smile without you...

In that case, stay out of love? Not that one has a choice about it, right?

it's all, uh, whoops!

Umar, while we were playing Kalimat (Salman's Muslim version of Taboo): We all fall in...?

The rest of us: Hah???

Love.

Which earned him lots of teasing after that, hahaha.

December holidays!

But I have so many things going on, and despite a small social circle, so many people to meet up with, that for certain, this month will fly by like nobody's business, and then 2012 will roll around. The horror of another year passing by, haha. But I was chatting with Mini the other day, and looking back on 2011, I think quite a bit has changed. For one thing, I'm halfway to becoming a proper speech language therapist! Insya Allah.

I have caught up a bit with the movie and tv watching, and right now, this:

Watashi ga Renai Dekinai Riyuu (The reason I can't find my love)

What is this scarily realistic movie about single ladies! It reminds me of Freeter, Ie wo Kau!, Nino's drama earlier this year, which was so realistic with regard to unemployment in young adults today. And now this -- of course, I can relate, haha. It's enjoyable and fun and explores lots into the complexities of the lives of young modern women. A bunch of single ladies decide to room together, figuring it would be advantageous in many ways, and end up trashing out about love and helping each other out with single-dom. I'm liking it so far, although some truths will be thrown out that stab me painfully in the heart, ahakz.

A silly notion (from the drama) about calculating the "time" of your life on a 24-hour clock: just take your age and divide it by 3. It's 8AM for me; morning still. Ohayou, life! Ganbarimasu.

Wah, awesome summary on the subject matter of calling on the Prophet. :)



I remember when I was at Irsyad last year, I overheard a couple of teachers arguing about how ridiculous it was that people thought they were addressing the Prophet in prayer. But it's true what! "Assalamualaika, ayuhan Nabi...", with the littlest Arabic knowledge, obviously shows you addressing him. And you can't address someone's who's dead, can you? I don't recall what they had a contention with specifically, but I remember feeling sad at that point.

Meikyuu Love Song!



Started watching Sho's Nazotoki wa Dinner no Ato de, and finally listened to this song and its meaning, and I love it. Arashi's songs are always kinda like that; they're not usually awesome at first listen, but after some time, when I bother to look up the pv and the lyrics, I realise the meaning is so sweet. <3

Haha! But see, if life wasn't confusing and a struggle, it wouldn't be worth it. We'd just be bored, maybe.

Sorry lah, I shy! :\

I want to watch this! Been looking around for it for some time now. It's about the famous lady scientist with Asperger's called Temple Grandin, who made her place in the world, despite being put down all her life because of her condition.

Claire Danes's acting looks amazing here. In this clip she tries to explain to parents why ASD kids love to roll around or repeatedly engage in mechanical motions. I think this movie will make me cry buckets, judging from this single clip.

Trying a new look for my blog! Something a bit brighter. And the photo was taken last year from Isle of Skye, Scotland; it totally looks like one of those places where Highlander would stick his sword into the ground and stare off into the distance.

haha! I remember when they had Highlander on tv.

On other things: semester wrapping to a close soon, once oral vivas are done and case presentations too. :s This has been one of the longest and most tiring uni semesters I've ever had. Or maybe I forgot how crazy it was when I was rushing FYP. Don't know anymore; memory is hazy. 

I was going to be a little emo here, but then... usually, I look back on emo posts and cringe. Some nights, heart feels extra heavy. 

Why am I such a girl, eee! -.- ok, goodnight.

People love feeling special but they don't love that much being different. It's strange. When actually, it's one and the same, no? Emerson said, "How wonderful, and how painful, to be an exception."

Two more weeks! Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

This is interesting stuff! It reminds me of a quote I posted not long ago:


If you cannot make distinction between what is beautiful and what is not, then you are missing an instrument of the self. 



You know that feeling that you get when you see beauty? The real kind that kind of awes you deep inside. And you don't know why you think it's beautiful; it just is. There is a connection between beauty and the sacred, quite clearly. And what this documentary is saying is that modern art seems to have lost this idea.

Very true, from what little I know of modern art. I am reminded of the time me and Eunice wandered around the Museum of Modern Art in San Francisco and we were alternately scoffing and laughing our asses off at what was passing off as art. I remember an exhibit consisting of a single long fluorescent bulb on a wall, and Eunice standing next to it with an incredulous face, mouth hanging open in disgust. Haha, we were like, "How on earth are these random ugly stuff considered art?!?!?!"

Yes, friend, I hear you. This is me and I know this excuse is getting old, haha. I was just vowing to make a list of personal goals for next placement and on the top is: To be efficient.

I think I need tips from my genius friend, Duck.

Hearts incline to those who do good to them.

"Rasulullah is the chlorophyll of our souls."

- Hamza Yusuf

This analogy is too cute!

I believe there is a natural gravitation to certain things. You spend your life wandering and then you realise you keep coming back to the same things. That maybe, this is proof that things have been written since the beginning. It's that feeling... deep down, in perhaps a subconscious manner, you know what and how things should be. It's either you want to face it or ignore it. It's that pull that tugs at your heart and brings you places.

I know how airy-fairy I sound at times... but. How else can I explain it, I don't know. And sometimes, maybe even words are too cheap to give life to grand things.

---



<3 Not many people in this world today I look up to like this.

Had a great day! Did several things right and I think I pleased my CE because I did up my own personal format for OME (i.e. oromotor exam), incorporating bits from everywhere. And as I was working on one of my adorable 8 kiddies (one of my faves! he vocalizes cutely at everything), and finally feeling like I'm in my element on the 5th try with the OME, my CE peeked in and gave a somewhat-approving look and smile. And after that we had a good discussion and I was the last to leave the office! Record, yo. Nice accomplished feeling after being all fail on Monday.

Anyway, tonight I ended up watching Daniel Radcliffe on Inside the Actor's Studio -- and he says he has a mild form of dyspraxia! Interesting... This explains a little; I always thought he was a bit awkward with his limbs and is a bit ungainly in his walk. And am I imagining it if I say that he has strange but subtle groping actions with his mouth and face in general? Haha. It might just be me being way off after a day cracking my head about apraxia versus articulation and phonology issues.

Aside from not being entirely the amazing Harry in my head, I think Radcliffe isn't too bad.



---

Walked home to this song, feeling happy, thankful and hopeful.



Looking up at the midnight sky not knowing
Shivering Swaying to the nightmare of not knowing
Other than that I don't know what to do
Can't fall asleep because of this anxiety
Calling faintly to you
Everyday crying good bye tears
Your heart and soul is in it, feel it
Make tomorrow different from yesterday
Make a brighter day

Weekend, where have you gone! D: I barely rested.

Today, I thought of Atticus Finch from To Kill A Mockingbird. Scout asked him why he was defending a black man against the wishes of the town, and he simply said, "You have to live with yourself, before you live with anyone else."

I pray that I don't become someone I dislike.

On something else lovely:

‘Aisha raḍyAllāhu ‘anha and the Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam would use code language with each other denoting their love. She asked the Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam how he would describe his love for her. The Prophet Muhammad answered, saying: “Like a strong binding knot.” The more you tug, the stronger it gets, in other words.

Every so often ‘Aisha would playfully ask, “How is the knot?” The Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam would answer, “As strong as the first day (you asked).”

<3

I can dream, no?

I didn't know until the past sunday that "Wa man takun bi Rasulillahi nusratuhu..." which we always read is from the famous Qasidah Burdah.

And these days, when I rush in between assessment sessions to a corner of the staff hub, where a little prayer corner had been erected, I keep remembering the story of Rasulullah s.a.w. calling Bilal to make the azan: "Arihna, Ya Bilal."

Isn't it amazing. Give us our respite, Ya Bilal. That's what it means. And when your life starts becoming a  hectic blur of events and chasing paper, it only becomes clearer that of course, prayer time is rest time, away from worries of the world; so that for a little moment everything is fine and beautiful and clear and simple, because there's only pleasing God and nothing else. And it's also when you're hit by moments of emotional turmoil wrought by illusions of the dunya, that you also think, Arihni. Take me away from this for a little while; prayer is a gift and escape.

Earlier today, we discussed about the four elements of a human being i.e. body, mind, soul and nafs. And that each of these bits of ourselves have to be fulfilled and developed. Completeness and wholeness requires giving appropriate time and attention to each. The day you create an imbalance, you're sure to feel the horrid after-effects the next day: depression, listlessness or perhaps a short fuse. To feel ease, one has to return that balance.

Too true, this. I need to create stricter discipline in my daily life.

Also, I was thinking: maybe true love is when you find more and more reasons to love. It's something that grows and never diminishes; like even if you had all the time in the world, you could not possibly fully discover all the reasons why your heart should be invested here and not anywhere else. Maybe that's why you're supposed to just know.

I need to remember this, and learn. It's not something entirely new; but there are just some things, you thought you thought about, but then you realise you didn't, not really.

When people first learn to use a keyboard, they improve very quickly from sloppy single-finger pecking to careful two-handed typing until eventually the fingers move so effortlessly across the keys that the whole process becomes unconscious and the fingers seem to take on a mind of their own. At this point, most  people's typing skills stop progressing. They reach a plateau. If you think about it, it's a strange phenomenon. After all, we've always been told that practice makes perfect, and many people sit behind a keyboard for at least several hours a day in essence practicing their typing. Why don't they just keep getting better and better?

In the 1960s, the psychologists Paul Fitts and Michael Posner attempted to answer this question by describing the three stages that anyone goes through when acquiring a new skill. During the first phase, known as the "cognitive stage", you're intellectualizing the task and discovering new strategies to accomplish it more proficiently. During the second "associative stage:", you're concentrating less, making fewer major errors, and generally becoming more efficient. Finally you reach what Fitts called the "autonomous stage", when you figure that you've gotten as good as you need to get at the task and you're basically running on autopilot. During that autonomous stage, you lose conscious control over what you're doing. Most of the time, that's a good thing. Your mind has one less thing to worry about. In fact, the autonomous stage seems to be one of those handy features that evolution worked out for our benefit. The less you have to focus on the repetitive tasks of everyday life, the more you can concentrate on the stuff that really matters, the stuff that you haven't seen before. And so, once we're just good enough at typing, we move it to the back of our mind's filing cabinet and stop paying it any attention. You can actually see this shift take place in fMRI scans of people learning new skills. As a task becomes automated, the parts of the brain involved in conscious reasoning becomes less active and other parts of the brain take over. You could call it the "OK plateau", the point at which you decide you're OK with how good you are at something, turn on autopilot, and stop improving.

We all reach OK plateaus in most things we do. We learn how to drive when we're on our teens and then once we're good enough to avoid tickets and major accidents, we get only incrementally better. My father has been playing golf for forty years, and he's still - though it will hurt him to read this - a duffer. In four decades, his handicap hasn't fallen even a point. How come? He reached an OK plateau.

Psychologists used to think that OK plateaus marked the upper bounds of innate ability. In his 1869 book Hereditary Genius, Sir Francis Galton argued that a person could only improve at physical and mental activities up until he reached a certain wall, which "he cannot by education or exertion overpass". According to this view, the best we can do is simply the best we can do.

But Ericsson and his fellow expert performance psychologists have found over and over again that with the right kind of concerted effort, that's rarely the case. They believe that Galton's wall often has much less to do with our innate limits than simply with what we consider an acceptable level of performance.

What separates experts from the rest of us is that they tend to engage in a very directed, highly focused routine, which Ericsson has labeled "deliberate practice". Having studied the best of the best in many different fields, he has found that top achievers tend to follow the same general pattern of development. They develop strategies for consciously keeping out of the autonomous stage while they practice by doing three things: focusing on their technique, staying goal-oriented, and getting constant and immediate feedback on their performance. In other words, they force themselves to stay in the "cognitive phase".

Amateur musicians, for example, are more likely to spend their practice time playing music, whereas pros are more likely to work through tedious exercises or focus on specific, difficult parts of pieces. The best ice skaters spend more of their practice time trying jumps that they land less often, while lesser skaters work more on jumps they've already mastered. Deliberate practice, by its nature, must be hard.

When you want to get good at something, how you spend your time practicing is far more important than the amount of time you spend. In fact, in every domain of expertise that's been rigorously examined, from chess to violin to basketball, studies have found that the number of years one has been doing something correlates only weakly with level of performance. My dad may consider putting into a tin cup in his basement a good form of practice, but unless he's consciously challenging himself and monitoring his performance - reviewing, responding, rethinking, rejiggering - it's never going to make him appreciably better. Regular practice simply isn't enough. To improve, we must watch ourselves fail, and learn from our mistakes.

The best way to get out of the autonomous stage and off the OK plateau, Ericsson has found, is to actually practice failing. One way to do that is to put yourself in the mind of someone far more competent at the task you're trying to master, and try to figure out how that person works through problems. Benjamin Franklin was apparently an early practitioner of this technique. In his autobiography, he describes how he used to read essays by the great thinkers and try to reconstruct the author's arguments according to Franklin's own logic. He'd then open up the essay and compare his reconstruction to the original words to see how his own chain of thinking stacked up against the master's. The best chess players follow a similar strategy. They will often spend several hours a day replaying the games of grand masters one move at a time, trying to understand the expert's thinking at each step. Indeed, the single best predictor of an individual's chess skill is not the amount of chess he's played against opponents, but rather the amount of time he's spent sitting alone working through old games.

The secret to improving at a skill is to retain some degree of conscious control over it while practicing - to force oneself out of autopilot. With typing, it's relatively easy to get past the OK plateau. Psychologists have discovered that the most efficient method is to force yourself to type faster than feels comfortable, and to allow yourself to make mistakes. In one noted experiment, typists were repeatedly flashed words 10 to 15 percent faster than their fingers were able to translate them onto the keyboard. At first they weren't able to keep up, but over a period of days they figured out the obstacles that were slowing them down, and overcame them, and then continued to type at the faster speed. By bringing typing out of the autonomous stage and back under their conscious control, they had conquered the OK plateau.

- The OK Plateau, Moonwalking with Einstein: The Art and Science of Remembering Everything,

Joshua Foer

Currently at placement but can't help but want to transfer this from one of my virtual post-its (I can't remember where I got it from though!):

And verily Adam (a.s) gave his son Seth council saying : “Oh my dear son, you are my heir and successor, so take on this task with true piety, and hold firm to the rope of Allah, and every time you remember Allah, remember with His name, the name Muhammad (ص) For I have seen ‘Muhammad’ written on the legs of The Almighty’s Throne, And as I crossed the heavens, I did not pass a place except, I saw the name of Muhammad written upon it”.

I acknowledge my own stubbornness.

must. change.

Oh no, must stop ignoring my hotmail inbox! :\ Feel evil.

What has being passionate about women's rights got to do with being the kind of girl who doesn't want to get married? Why do people think like this, I ask you. Even if said in jest, the implication of it makes my blood boil.

This reminds me of other discussions I've had with other like-minded ladies; that if somehow, I'm not jumping into relationships or having a go with any Tom, Dick or Harry, I'm the kind of girl who's too independent to settle or dissing love in some way. I'm sorry if I'm simply trying to get love right; love's too much of a big deal for me to be bochup about it.

Hands-on assessment with real-life clients tomorrow, Bismillah. I need to breathe and stay calm. Remembering the pre-placement talk about learning styles, I know I'm the Reflector type who doesn't ever think she's ready to take the plunge. But no choice! Tomorrow is the plunge. :|

I'm suddenly thinking of Hermione, who tried to learn Quidditch through books, only to feel so inadequate on the broomstick. I suddenly feel like all the reading I'd ever done is not serving me; huhhhhh, borrow so many books for what!

I must think less of the supervisor's eyes on me, and more on the client. Pretend he's not there.

My heart is broken tonight because I found out Pi and Ryo left NEWS. This is so devastating, even to an old, detached fan -- because ohmygod, how could they! :'( I won't be able to see NEWS do anything together ever again? the sadness keeps coming back to me.

The fangirl inside me is mourning.

[edit: 12th Oct]

I like this BNF's attitude:

I don't begrudge either Ryo/Yamapi because this is, first and foremost, still a business. Shit happens. Things happen behind the scenes that we'll never know/understand and for that, I can't judge them because who knows what was said/done behind closed doors. They're no longer part of NEWS, but that's okay with me. K8 is never going to be one of my fav JE groups but I still enjoy them and will support them--it is the year of K8 after all. And Yamapi is still my top Johnny's boy. I will love any/everything he comes out with. While I doubt he'll do stuff in America (damn it), I would love to see where his path takes him. 

All in all, while I am anxious to hear what will happen with 4-member NEWS, I am hoping for the best. I want them to sell. I want them to be able to show everyone that despite all the hits they take, they're still strong enough to keep going. I want them to be happy. I say the same for Yamapi/Ryo. I want them to succeed. I want them to be happy. No hating here. Thnx.

From tinyangl

When you love, you love. :)

An old friend and penpal gave me this wonderful link about someone who succeeded in reducing all her possessions so that it could fit into her car: Operation Hobo. And the awesome effects it had on her mental state.

The less you own, the harder it is to hide from everything still wrong with you. All of the dreams you have yet to realize, even now that your childhood is startlingly far behind you, are suddenly so much more starkly visible once you can’t distract yourself by petting fabric swatches or rearranging your bookshelves.

We’re always saying life is short, but honestly, if you stop staring at paint chips and shopping for throw pillows and arranging vases, if you have so little clothing (let alone accessories like scarves, necklaces, or earrings, of which I own none) that choosing an outfit is hardly an artistic endeavor, you would be surprised at how much time you have and how absolutely terrifying it can feel to have nowhere to put that energy.

I keep wanting to do at least a fraction of this quest -- and the state of my clutter has improved, especially since my course started and my academic clutter has focused specifically to SLP-related paraphernalia. But god, the wardrobe. How to deal with this! And when she talked about throwing out photos and letters, it got me thinking of my entire drawer filled with such; I am a sentimental idiot and every little moment from the past stored in little notes, birthday letters and scribbles are lovingly protected from the dustbin. I think I must learn to pick only the few precious ones and throw the rest out.

The quest is still long, winding and never-ending?

I've been enjoying the day off too much, I feel, but just some last bit of fun stuff: animal videos with narration from Randall! from the famous nastayss-honey-badger vid. Haha, he cracks me up.

"The American Bullfrog. Gross."


"Jesus Christ Lizard."


"Honey Badger don't care, Honey Badger don't give a shit."

I fold thy gentleness within my cloak,
Thy flying wit I braid with jewellery.
I span thy courage with my bravest clasp,
And sip the sweets of thy integrity.
They think thee fair,
They see not what I see.

---

Mini! You should read this: Which iteration of a hero, for instance, do you choose, and what does it mean when you do? Haha, for our next lively discussion.

While her thesis is not that a romance novel indoctrinates readers into believing in certain kinds of relationships — that would be creepy — there's a strong argument here that the genre helps readers identify and articulate needs and feelings they already have, as they notice what kinds of books and heroes they gravitate toward.

The man behind Apple is no more; tribute to Steve Jobs.

Thank you for my beloved Ringo (i.e. my MacBook Air) and for having been an inspiring and creative soul.

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.''

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice.''

wow.

If you cannot make distinction between what is beautiful and what is not, then you are missing an instrument of the self. 

from bintyusuf (an awesome lady). I love her one-liners.

Today, a little boy was shrieking at the top of his lungs, "I want a GREEEEEEEEEEN gummy bear! A greeeeeeen one!" And was bawling away. His teacher was like -________- and trying to negotiate two gummy bears in place of the green non-existent one but, dang, he wanted the green. It took quite a bit of coaxing and visual instruction before he could get a grip. And besides being all wah and amazed at the situation, I started thinking about my own gummy bear fantasy. My picture of heaven has a bigger-than-life gummy bear at the entrance to my abode, from which I would take a munch every time I feel like it. (I imagine myself running into the arms and then taking a big bite.) heheheh, it somehow made me more sympathetic -- because whatever gummy bear means to you! It means this much to me.

A good start for today!

Michelle Lincoln's top 6 tips for placement:

1) Be prepared.

2) Be clear about your goals.

3) Know yourself.

4) Don't panic when things go wrong.

5) Communicate.

6) Think and reflect.

Remember, it's not about perfecting this life. It's about perfecting the soul. Dear God, I think maybe when I fall, it's Your reminding me, so thank You.

Stolen from a friend:

Who would you rather believe? An administration that has a track record of being a liar or a scholar who spoke for injustice, albeit with a fiery spirit. Anwar Al-Awlaki did not deserve to die for being so called 'linked' to numerous supposed attacks and this phantom organisation called Al-Qaeda. I don't believe any of it.

Are we in a Minority Report fantasy world? Kill someone before they actually do something?

Dear God, help me not demonise that whole country for the actions of their idiot few.

Right groups sue US over Muslim cleric Anwar Awlaki.



sigh.