This verse:

“Do you suppose that you will enter Paradise untouched by the suffering endured by the people of faith who passed away before you? They were afflicted by misery and hardship and were so convulsed that the Messenger and the believers with him cried out: ‘When will Allah’s help arrive?’ They were assured: ‘Behold, Allah’s help is close by.’” 2:214

It makes me scared... I mean, does it imply that if my life has not been afflicted to such an extent, it will be at some point? Otherwise, if I haven't been hit with such misery, have I been overlooked by God -- which is surely worse than being afflicted?

Or maybe, I have been hit with misery before, just that I don't know it -- haha, what the ridiculousness.

Or... I'm thinking -- the you addressed in this, as always, is Rasulullah s.a.w. (and his sahabahs); who as pioneers of the Deen were tested to the ends of their endurance in order to establish the ummah.

Oh noes -- what I should really do is ask someone who might actually know the answer.

Okay, goodnight.

Nows-adays, I like to remember the line: 

Keep on walking ahead though the answer can't be seen.

Have recently been connecting situations to peribahasa Melayu:

Bawa resmi padi, makin berisi, makin tunduk.

and

Hendak seribu daya, tak hendak seribu dalih.

endless game

Usually, I prefer the genki ni natte type of songs from Arashi. 

But I've recently started on Sho's J-drama Kazoku Game, and it's been intriguing;

 and this weird and confusing song has gotten to me (6 months late! have been so out of the JE loop).

The world dims

My memory rewinds

What is there?

Let's open that door

Reset to reality

Go on ahead to the end

Though the answer can't be seen

I feel like the song really is about Sho's character -- Yoshimoto Kouya, whose true identity is part of the mystery arc of the whole drama. Clearly, the guy has issues: working as a tutor to save a boy from bullying in the day, but every night retreats into a guilt-ridden hell about his mysterious past. 

SPOILER

(from the finale of Supernatural Season 8)

These Winchester brothers -- made me cry over their love.

And made me remember why I love this story.

#$%@$^$#%@^$ propaganda crap!

What the frak is this?!?!

To say that I am annoyed with this piece of propaganda crap is an understatement.

I found this from mr.brown's post here, that he took from The Straits Times.

So typical of the kiasu government to think that the moment we endeavour to take a little breather and step off the accelerator, our lives will careen completely into poverty. 

Takde iman! 

is what my Mum would say.

Stop treating Singaporeans like bloody fools, can or not.

Also, this was exactly what I was arguing about with my friends the other day, and for it to be officially thrown in my face like this by our local paper -- wah, really sets me on fire. Not to mention that my dad is sick after working the entire weekend and Monday (because of the Singtel cable catching fire episode) -- and now seeing this. Eeesh. We are not hamsters on a wheel.

One who wraps himself

             By Rumi 

God called the Prophet Muhammad Muzzammil,
“The One Who Wraps Himself,”
and said,
“Come out from under your cloak, you so fond
of hiding and running away.

Don’t cover your face.
The world is a reeling, drunken body, and you
are its intelligent head.
Don’t hide the candle
of your clarity. Stand up and burn
through the night, my prince.

Without your light
a great lion is held captive by a rabbit!

Be the captain of the ship,
Mustafa, my chosen one,
my expert guide.
Look how the caravan of civilization
Has been ambushed.
Fools are everywhere in charge.
Do not practice solitude like Jesus. Be in
the assembly,
and take charge of it.
As the bearded griffin,
the Humay, lives on Mt. Qaf because he’s native to it,
so you should live most naturally out in public
and be a communal teacher of souls.”

nina!

This girl is so good with her languages! Now that I've worked substantially with parents and their kids, I feel it's partly cause Papa is excellent with her that she's become so good, really. Yes, occasionally, he makes her copy words or phrases, but Papa usually employs typical stimulation strategies we use in clinic, such as: 

(i) following her lead (this kid basically has her Papa around her pinky, but she's such a wonderful little girl, it doesn't matter!)

(ii) never negating what she says or forcing her to say certain words, only rephrasing or repeating to give her the correct model of language 

(iii) adding on to her ideas by expanding on her utterances

(iv) thinking of ways to make her say more by cueing her e.g. pretending he doesn't know the answer or saying the wrong answer

Even in this other video below, he does similar things. Okay, he asks her a lot of questions here, but since she's able to answer them and he also keeps commenting, it's fine. Not 3 years and Nina already has all her wh- questions down and has adjectives and descriptives in her vocabulary.

If I ever have kids, I want them like Nina.

Little girls are awesome and wonderfully chatty. And you're guaranteed so much love (if you raise them right). How have people in history not wanted them before? Insyirah gave voice texts via whatsapp addressing her Nanis and her Amatis and telling us to come see her in Qatar -- so cute, I want to dieeeee. And it makes me anticipate the December holiday even more.

This may seem confusing, but I love it. One of the most necessary things to understand about our religion, I feel.

Islam is a practical religion. It deals with human beings as they are, not as they should be. I mean, there's always the should-be there, but it deals with them as they are, and then makes that as they are, as it should be, given they are like that. That's what Islam does. It takes human beings as they are, not as they should be -- but it makes the as-they-are as-it-should-be, given that they're like that. 

- Shaykh Hamza, The Rights and Responsibilities of Marriage

Gaksital -- I should totally go and get this for keeps already, like I've been meaning to.

I've said before right, how this drama is so, so good.

(Eunice, this means I might force this on you, haha)

Reasons (in brief) why Gaksital is awesome:

(i) a complete bastard turns into a hero, and the process is waaay intriguing (my favourite kind of story!)

(ii) best friends on opposite sides of a war -- can you hear the heartbreak already?

(iii) hero is very very very flawed, and therefore made very real

(iv) hero is also a genius, or completely nuts, depending on how you look at it

(v) hero has a precarious disguise that makes you want to die of suspense almost every episode

(vi) there is a long historical back story involved

(vii) villains are nuanced! and 3-dimensional! that's not a common thing in k-drama

(viii) there is a strong heroine -- whoo! and she hates our hero almost to the very end!

(ix) intense, extreme, ?hate-love romance -- I don't even know if this is the appropriate term to label it with, because frak, it's so complicated?!

(x) this is essentially historical fiction
(xi) cinematography is gorgeous, and acting is top-notch

yay.

I'm finally working through Season 8 of Supernatural (Season 9 airing sometime soon! hooray for cult followings). Honestly, since the end of Season 5 or so, I've lost track of the number of times Sam and Dean and even Castiel have died and gone to heaven or hell or purgatory, and back to the mortal plane, haha. The overall plot appears to have taken a stroll down crack lane, more or less. But I still enjoy each episode; it sticks to the winning, episodic-mystery-based formula, where we have Sam and Dean, regardless of bigger plot arcs, hunting evil in its various forms.

And really, I just love the Winchester boys, and that's why I keep watching.

A nutso clip that had me laughing away -- Dean as William Wallace

When you're present with God, you're present with creation.

-- Shaykh Hamza




:(

The sad feeling that comes after you know you didn't end up doing what you intended to do, what you were supposed to.

no, I'm not jaded

I was on the bus leaving yet another wedding this weekend, and this younger girl who I'd been briefly introduced to at the wedding, came on the bus as well and after saying hi, she asked, "So, are you getting married too?"

I smiled and said, "No."

And she asked, "Why! Are you jaded?"

Ohmygod, she cracked me up. I decided right that moment that I liked her very much. It was the way she said it. She didn't say it in the how-come-you're-not-marriage-is-a-wonderful-thing way, but the I'm-twenty-and-I'm-so-jaded-about-life-could-you-be-jaded-too manner. She'd somehow pounced on the discovery that a woman my age wasn't getting married. (Yet, I silently added.) I think, in some ways she reminded me of a younger version of myself.

I explained that it's not that I don't want to get married, but that not every girl has their Prince Charming land on one knee in front of them. Besides, it'd probably be kinda boring if everyone had that story? Maybe I'm supposed to be Princess Charming instead? I don't know.

She said, "Yeah! Also, you could travel. And see the world."

I was so amused. "Yes, I could."

We talked some about my work, about life, and she was genuinely interested in speech therapy (and asked if she could do that if she wanted). And I felt like I was imparting some great wisdoms, the way she seemed to devour what I said.

When she got off, I kept smiling to myself. I thought, this is a good place too, where I am. Maybe -- as long as you face head on life's challenges, and think, what does God want me to learn to be here, and strive hard, you'll end up in a good place -- and that's all that matters. (I'd had this thought too just the day before at work, when one of my senior colleagues made me pause as she gave me strategies on how to be super efficient with writing patient notes.) That every life event, every moment, is created to create a better you. And as long as you strive to fulfill your part, your end of the bargain, you'll hopefully one day end up in a happy place, and the person you were meant to be.

A CW series about Mary Queen of Scots and her (supposedly-historically very very short-lived) relationship with the French Dauphin. :O As American TV makes it, it's of course crazily historically inaccurate -- because wasn't the Dauphin a very frail, and weak, 13-year-old boy when he married Mary? He later died because he was sick! This blonde, strapping 20-stg-year-old as the French Dauphin -.- whut.

Historical fiction should have fictional characters! That way, you can spin them however you want, amidst a real historical setting, and not butcher real historical figures.

there are few feelings in the world worse than completely inopportune realization

great minds discuss ideas

---

Tonight, we reviewed a little of what entails backbiting:

1) If you talk good about someone -- this is praise and not backbiting (duh, haha)

2) Speaking the truth about someone but if he or she were present, they would not feel happy = backbiting. Even if it were regarding technically neutral matters, it could be backbiting depending on the perception or feelings of the person in question; so for example, I am so crazy short right and you go and tell someone else: You know, S is less-than-5-feet-short! and if I'd heard it and it caused a little unhappy twinge in my heart -- that's backbiting. 

But no worries: I really haven't much cared what people say about my height since I think when I was 18 -- most of the time, heheh.

3) Speaking malicious falsehoods about people = backbiting + FITNAH (i.e. slander). This one if you do... be very afraid of what punishment you may be accruing in the hereafter. Escape now! Seek forgiveness now! Say prayers upon the Prophet s.a.w. for guidance and mercy!

We always happily try to convince ourselves we don't do this, but in the heat of emotion and in the company of like-minded people, sometimes we forget. :( Apparently, some places (i.e. Zaytuna Institute, I hear) prefer being cautious and have a policy of not talking about people at all -- talk about ideas instead. Besides, we know small minds discuss people, great minds discuss ideas.

So many thoughts running through my head in a day, but only one seems to crystallize itself properly right now:

One of my kids looks like the k-drama actor Joo Won! Haha. I almost wanted to comment on it, except I thought his parents might think me nuts, and think me a less credible speech therapist.

I was on the way home today, and recalled suddenly a dream I'd had the night before. Funny how we easily forget our dreams, but then certain things in real life can later trigger the memory.

Anyway, in this dream -- something very scary and weird was happening to my hair (I don't know what it was, I just knew I was in danger or something). I was very distraught and desperately trying to shampoo my hair clean. But the more I washed and rubbed, the more distraught I became, and I slowly realised in my panic... the colour of my hair was changing! The level of terror that gripped me in this dream, you have no idea, hahaha. And at first my hair had become chestnut brown, and after more scrubbing, it became like reddish and pink. And the very last bit of the dream I remember has me looking in the mirror and seeing all my long hair in pale blond. The kind I'd have imagined was on DT!Draco -- except of course on me, it clashed hideously with my dark eyebrows. I think I was beyond shocked, though even my dream version spared a thought that it looked like Draco's hair.

In retrospect, this dream is hilarious and I almost laughed out loud when I remembered. What on earth is my poor subconscious grappling with. Although... I'm sure that reading so much of Draco Trilogy certainly had a part to play in providing the surface material of the dream -- all that description of hair and eye colours...

every weekend is wedding weekend

 congrats! Mumu, the pretty bride.

---

I count down to my weekends by the number of kids left to see.

4 more to go!

I figured since Mumu is getting married tomorrow, it'd be okay to post this:

This was from about a year ago, when we first got a whiff of the impending nuptials:

To Mumu, the sole official follower of my blog, 

may Allah and Rasul s.a.w. bless you many many in this new chapter of life :) 

Despite our first initial responses of oh-my-God-we're-going-to-lose-our-friend-to-this-scary-thing-called-marriage -- we're all happy and excited and totally depending on you to come to Pasir Ris for our regular sushi meet-ups, no matter if you live in the ulu west of Singapore, and have a husband and kids and have to cook for your mama-in-law or whatnot. Heck, bring them along for sushi.

الراحة في الجنة

"Do you believe in God, Malfoy?" 

Draco started, and turned to look at him in disbelief. "Do I what?"

"You heard me," said Harry, uncomfortably. "Do you believe in God - at all?"

Draco looked dubious. “I guess I believe in God,” he said. “Sometimes I think he has some pretty strong reservations about me, though.”

"What about heaven? And hell?" Harry asked.

The other boy shook his head. “What is this about? Anyway, of course I believe in hell…we saw Slytherin get dragged off somewhere by those demons. Where did you think they were taking him? All-expenses-paid balloon tour of the Urals?”

"What about heaven?"

Draco shrugged again. Harry had a feeling he was making the other boy very uncomfortable. “Stands to reason there’s a heaven, if there’s a hell.”

"Well," said Harry, sitting forward, "what do you think it’s like?"

Draco leaned back against the wooden post of the bed, his mouth a crooked line of bemusement. “You’re asking me what heaven’s like, Potter? Come on, you’ve had your name down for entry there since before you had your name down for Hogwarts. Whereas I…”

"Whereas you are going to hell in a handbasket, I know," Harry interrupted. "In the meantime, use that ferocious imagination of yours for a second, will you? I really want to know what you think."

"Do you?" Draco’s eyes were the color of quartz crystals, and about as readable. "I think heaven would be different for everyone who goes there. For you, it’s probably bunnies and Christmas and optimism and everyone shoving flowers in their ears."

"And for you?"

Draco was silent a moment, looking out the window at the dark world flashing by. “A place to rest, I think,” he said finally.

- Draco Veritas, Cassandra Claire

I think I'd forgotten how much this story impacted my teenage psyche.

“I didn ́t have a choice,” he said.

"There's always a choice," said Sirius. "When we say there's no choice, we're just comforting ourselves about the decision we've already made."

—	Draco Sinister, Cassandra Claire

Sigh. This is sad.

Akhir zaman... yes. There is no real good force in the world right now. 

What do we do? What can we do? Is there anything to do?

I fully understand how some people choose not to put pictures of themselves on their facebook profile, especially considering the likely amount of hawking that happens with regard to our personal information etc.

But seriously. Have at least one photo of yourself in your profile or something so that I can figure out who you are. If you add me, and your name is nondescript and there are zilch pictures of your face anywhere, how am I supposed to know who you are?! The mutual friends we have also give me zero information about your identity! Unless you are the only person with your name for at least 600 square kmetres (e.g. Draco Malfoy or Shamiah Bafadhal, eheh), please give me a face and not just interesting photos of scenery. Don't make me headdesk like this.

Also, I do suspect facebook for giving out fake friend invites between people or something. Insidious!

I fight sleepiness on a precious Friday night

My brain is low on juice, after a work-and-fun-filled day, and cannot construct prose, so point form it shall be!

* Met up with my ST classmates tonight! Professional battery recharge. (:

* Spent a large part of the day contemplating how real contentment can only come from a total reliance on God over men (no matter how such wonderful persons may exist in your life -- both an abundance and a lack of this is a test).

* Having a good-looking kid with language or cognitive issues is more heart-breaking than a not-so-good-looking kid with language or cognitive issues -- I tell you, physical beauty has an effect on you no matter how much you try.

* "So, are you pregnant?" is becoming a typical conversation/topic starter among some girlfriends, and I quell the effects of this time warp on my mental and emotional system.

* How subtle is the difference between pride and dignity, acceptance and resignation -- or is there any difference?

* The irony of hope is that it opens you up to despair. So where should I be on this spectrum of hope? To hope but not later despair seems like an impossible task.

* I am feeling ambivalent about The Mortal Instruments. Most of the time, I don't care about the characters, but there's just that little bit there that keeps me reading a little more instead of chucking it aside entirely. And wonders -- it has made me laugh a few times.

* ISNA is selling Shaykh Hamza's DVD lecture on Shakespeare and Islam, previously given at the Globe Theatre, London, in 2004. Awesome subject matter but I am unable to find this anywhere online; currently desperate to get my ears on this.

from a separate, much-loved lecture: one of the bits that I never forget! (:

1.20 am and it still feels too soon to sleep on a Friday night.

I think I'm abusing the real meaning of warp, but

On some days, I really feel like I'm in a time warp.

Why do I philosophize every moment of my life. Take a chill pill, S. (ohmygod, did I just refer to myself like a gossip girl? truly, there is something off with me tonight.)

I just had a quick half hour meet up with another S = Sowmya, who decided to drop by SG for a day en route to her home country India -- I rushed to the airport once I cleared the last kid of the day, and we sat at Macs trying to squeeze a year (2 years?) worth of updates before she missed her plane. I looked at this old friend and thought, omg, she looks like a doctor. I told her she looked different, but didn't say how, but honestly, she reminded me of one of the GPs I used to see when I was small. And I felt a time warp.

The second time warp happened while on the bus ride home and I was reading Draco Trilogy on my iPhone (I am concurrently reading The Mortal Instruments and The Draco Trilogy, presumably for purposes of analysis, please don't judge); then this teen girl sat down next to me and opened City of Bones, the first installment of The Mortal Instruments. For at least a minute, I sat there marveling at the beauty of the moment; there was a clear 10 year gap between the two seats we were both occupying, in  age, in text. I was thinking, Somebody, take a photo of this beautiful parallel moment!

Other minor time warps occur when the relentless wedding invitations arrive by post, and my dad goes, "Why all your friends marry so young?" (This line is one of the reasons my father is awesome.) I count (or try not to panic while I count) the number of weddings I have to attend and the insanely dwindling number of single ladies I can go with. 

And I realise feeling this time warp is very lonely.

---

I'm at the part of DT where Hermione becomes so annoying, I want to throw a really big brick at her head.

"I love you," she said.

He closed his eyes. "No," he said. "No, you don't." 

"It hurts," she whispered.

"I know," he said, with a spark of anger, "You think I don't know? The difference between what you feel and what I feel--"

"Is what?"

"Is that you can tell yourself that what you're feeling isn't real, and you can get rid of it with a spell. And I can't. Now get out of here, Hermione. I mean it. Get the hell out of here."

He heard her sharp intake of breath, heard her getting to her feet. "You're right," she said, in a muffled voice. "I'm sorry-"

"Don't apologize," he said. "Just leave."

.

.

.

.

"I'm sorry. Did I wake you up?"

"No," said Ginny. "I was awake. In fact, I was worried about you, so I went looking for you."

There was a short silence. Hermione said, "Well, I'm fine." 

"Yes," said Ginny. "I rather think you are."

It was as if a fist had squeezed her heart. She knows. "Ginny-"

"If you tell me," said Ginny, in a very cold voice, "that that wasn't what it looked like, I will kill you."

Hermione bit back the words that sprang to her lips, and whispered instead, "I wish I could explain."

"I don't want an explanation," said Ginny. "I want to forget I ever saw anything."

"I'm sorry," said Hermione, in a whisper.

"It's not me you should apologize to," said Ginny. "It's Harry. I almost told him, you know. I stood outside his tent, wondering if I should tell him."

Hermione squeezed her eyes shut. "Oh, God."

"But I didn't," Ginny said finally. Her tone was tense and distant.

Relief flooded through Hermione, but it was short-lived.

"I decided you should be the one to tell him, Hermione," Ginny snapped. "And you'd better. I'll make sure that you do."

"I can't," said Hermione. "You don't understand." 

"Shut up. I don't want to talk to you. Now, or ever again."

I've been trying to sleep earlier (I've actually attempted to use my Kikki-purchased Good-Habits-Chart to remind me to keep up with my personal goals), so I don't feel like a zombie even while being accosted by hyperactive children; but obviously, I'm failing. It's past midnight again and I could not resist the impulse to just come here.

For no reason; for many reasons -- but for none of which I have the luxury to lay out here for my own analysis and future perusal.

Okay maybe one (hopefully there'll be other days for longer posts) -- that I am always newly and consistently amazed at how happy I am at some moments.



Thank you for the moments I can pause and step back and feel grateful, and say Alhamdulillah.

the mortal instruments, and how for me it will always be a shadow of DT

Found this nice online article about the beginnings of Cassandra Clare and her Mortal Instruments, (the first movie opens next week), and the verdict appears to be -- that this book series is a fanfic of her own fanfic, and therefore entirely her own creation. I think I agree it seems that way.

It would be unfair to suggest that the Mortal Instruments series is a Harry Potter fanfic in the same way that Fifty Shades of Grey is a Twilight fanfic, because there’s that extra degree of separation. By the end of the Draco Trilogy, most of the main cast of Harry Potter characters were almost unrecognizable (e.g., Draco as a romantic hero rather than a cowardly racist bully), and Clare had thrown in plenty of her own worldbuilding—which was developed much further in the Mortal Instruments series. Does it really matter if City of Bones’ Clary and Jace resemble the Ginny and Draco of the Draco Trilogy? If anything, the Mortal Instruments books are a fanfic of her own fanfic, and thus have effectively become an entirely original work.

And this -.- (thanks for emphasising how old we are)

...most of those older fans are, well… old. Now in their 20s and 30s, the Draco Trilogy’s original readers (and anti-fans) are hardly the Mortal Instruments’ target audience. Clare’s new fans are generally in their mid-teens, and most of them only seem to have a vague awareness of Clare’s involvement with fandom.  



Clueless young fans of CC will probably have Jace and Clary in their heads, but I'm sure in us old fans or non-fans -- it's hard not to see them as Draco and Ginny. It's difficult to deny the connection, and I'll forever compare them. When you ask me about DT, the first scene that usually comes to mind is the one with Ginny grabbing the plate of sandwiches from a squabbling Draco and Harry and throwing it out the window. I just remember how shocked the two boys were and how shocked and tickled I was.

Ah, good times.



Here's a scarily scathing and condemning review of CC in contrast:

So what’s really my problem? My problem is the fact that Cassandra Clare is a marginally talented writer who has one story and one cast of characters up her sleeve, and yet somehow she’s sold millions and millions of books based on this. My problem is the fact that Cassandra Clare’s Mortal Instruments series was partially copied from her fanfiction trilogy, which copied a plethora of other authors, not even including J.K. Rowling, who provided her with the characters, premise, and setting for her beloved trilogy. My problem is the fact that Cassandra Clare is in the authorly equivalent of a time loop, and has come full circle. My problem is the fact that Cassandra Clare is, in essence, writing fanfiction of her own work, and it is getting published and she is getting paid bank for it, when other far more original and talented authors are getting absolutely nothing for their hard work. I may despise Stephenie Meyer and the world she’s created, but at least Twilight and its accompanying works are her own original product; at least she deserves to reap the benefits of the crazy fandom she’s inspired.

So dear Cassandra Clare: write a new goddamn book — one that isn’t a copy of a copy of a copy.

A little belated, because I'm obviously far too busy in real life, but:

Selamat Hari Raya!

This is my favourite photo from this raya season because it was high time this group of people took a full photo together and we did! (well, almost everyone, except my brother who's behind the camera).

---

And omg -- as usual I've been having re-reads of my favourite books (i.e. Lymond / HP) -- and I found a video documentary of Dunnett when she was alive, and I can't believe I haven't seen this before now!

The way she talks about writing her books -- like it's such great fun and her hobby and a privilege -- only makes her accomplishments more amazing. Because the sheer brilliance of her work -- you wouldn't think it's done with such heart and levity, and not with some crazy sweat and pain. She says she writes usually one 5000-word chapter in a day?! and it pretty much remains that way till print??? You take a look at this lovely old lady, and you don't realise she's a genius. But oh my goddddd, she has to be one. Had.

Will we see the likes of such literary genius again? To think books like Fifty Shades of Grey make the bestseller list today.

The partnership she had with her husband is also something to be envied; I remember reading somewhere that she'd said that he was her Lymond. The husband was an equally accomplished man, if not more so -- considering he was a newspaper editor and wrote more than just books, but plays etc -- and someone who helped her realise her potential. A partner to her in almost every way. It's like that line from Checkmate:

When the singer is matched with the sounding-board; the dream with the poet. When the sun and the fountain first meet one another.

If I ever attempt to borrow or purchase another book, please somebody stop me -- because look at the number of unfinished reads I have on my table.

Granted, there are heavy reads here, including Harry Potter in Arabic which I have had approximately 0.1% success with. But dang, no matter how long it takes, I really want to work through these books.

Anyway, the reason I got to arranging my stuff is because...

hehe.

ya muqqalibal qulub

Come, come again. Ours is not a caravan of despair.

- Rumi

The above quote from Rumi reminds me of one of my loveliest friends, K -- who in her small ways and seemingly ordinary life, inspires me so deeply. She reminds me that the consistency of small deeds really amounts to more than once-off, grand gestures and appearances of piety. Someone who, by her very being, radiates warmth and goodness and kindness, and who I'm sure the Prophet s.a.w. would be proud of. May you be forever blessed, my dear friend.

Tonight, am feeling a little more sober and melancholic --

O Allah! I ask that You give me from Your Presence such mercy that with it You will guide my heart, regulate my affairs, and put order into my disorder. And that You will fill me with perfect faith, and bestow on my outer, good deeds, and You will render my deeds pure and sincere, and inspire me with a suitable way to gain Your Pleasure, and give me friends that will be familiar to me and protect me from all manner of evil.

I graduated again, have I said?

Commencement in the air! (:

Safe to say, another graduation is not in sight for me. At least, not in the near future, haha. Let me make some money first and have a life, before I ever consider going back to school again.

The clouds of goodness contain rain;
When the time comes, it will pour.

- Shaykh Hamza Yusuf



Happiness is contained in the moments when you contemplate your life and realise the surfeit of blessings.

Alhamdulillah for a lot of things; but tonight I especially want to say Alhamdulillah for the good men I know. My daddy, most of all. I've always said and thought that good women make good children and thence good human beings. But I often overlook and forget that good men make good homes and good families -- within which women can thrive.

I was praying terawih tonight and while following behind the men, I got struck by this thought (whoops, lack of khusyuk?) -- and felt so grateful. I complain there aren't enough good men (just cause I haven't snagged one, hoho), but they are there. Alhamdulillah for them. Alhamdullillah for the strong families because of them (because God knows I've seen horrifying cases on the other end of the spectrum). God, please make more rijal, so that women like me can keep dreaming of beautiful future families.

I met my dream car by chance! hehe. see how we match.

I put so much store in trying to be someone who looks beyond the surface... But one can't escape being shallow once in a while?

kuch kuch

Maybe it's because I'm already feeling the festivity mood seep into my system (only 1 week into Ramadhan, whoops, hehe) -- but I've been revisiting my love of Bollywood. I've been suspecting that my Indian blood rises to the surface during festive seasons. Maybe it's all the kecoh-ness of the iftar meet-ups.

 Anyway, so I've been combing my old song favourites and re-watched Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (one of the love stories of my childhood, seriously), and I noticed something -- the Eilean Donan castle (in Scotland!) features majorly in the main theme song of Kuch Kuch! Like omgggggg.

If I had known this back in 2010 post-graduation, I might have posed ala Rani Mukherjee with a saree, in front of the castle (and embarrass Eunice in the process).

I have been feeling ultra nostalgic about the Khan bollywood era -- it's reaching its end, now that almost all the Khans are touching 50.

But omg Kuch Kuch -- you were my first well-loved Hindi movie. I remember clearly that Sunday from 1999 at the old Geylang market: hesitantly asking my dad if I could get the $10 VCD of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. That was my first ever purchase of Bollywood. And the rest is fangirl history.

The sister just informed me that actually, bad things come in threes!

haha, omg, this is why I am always a confused woman.

Ramadhan come again! Alhamdulillah. (:

from owh so muslim

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Is it true...? Good things come in threes?

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Excellent rebuttal piece by the ever-fiery Mehdi Hasan at an Oxford Union debate whose motion I think shouldn't even be contested.

signpost training

We see only what we wish to see.

Blogging from amidst the SPA conference right now.

Being here makes me feel like a small fish, trying to play with the big guns. It reminds me of how little I know (and how little I literally am, haha)! And how much there is still out there -- it makes me feel excited about a whole lifetime of learning and honing and developing.

I think one of the ways you know if you've made the right decision, Alhamdulillah, is if you don't feel trapped thereafter. I remember being younger and not knowing how to make choices, thinking that I'd close myself off to wonderful things once I make a decision. It is true and unavoidable that in making a decision you ultimately choose one path and leave the other paths behind; the difference in the right path however, is that you don't feel like turning back to check out on the other paths, and you feel excited about running ahead to discover the wonderful things you know lie further down this path you've chosen.

So instead of feeling trapped, you feel like you're running free instead.

Watched Epic the Animation today -- surprisingly entertaining and funny! 

Love these two crazy slugs.

So exhausted these last few days. Today, I honestly felt like a little hamster on a treadmill -- I almost literally scurry between rooms and scurry around between patients. And at the end of it all, I have a headache trying to squeeze in all the paperwork!

Some day it will be okay? Please, God.

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“I think we have created this stigma of confusion around relationships which makes those who prefer to be direct and honest feel like we’re over thinking, when in fact, we’re just uncomfortable in a place that requires that we act slyly. All this stuff about playing games and whatnot is ridiculous. Be honest with yourself, be honest with others, and go after what you want. No matter what you do or say, what is written for you will be yours and what isn’t won’t be. So go, take a leap of faith, put yourself out there, and don’t be afraid to hear no, because your provision has already been written.” 

-- Nadir Keval

Alhamdulillah, this puts such a perspective of being Muslim in a non-Muslim situation. (:

I'm liking more and more of Shaykh Omar's lectures; this one especially reminds me to do things I need to even when it gets hard! And not dart away around corners to pray, and feel guilty when I'm only trying to be what I should.

Also, about a month to Ramadhan -- this time I'll make sure I get out of it at least a little better than before!

cinta jangan pergi

Been cooped up at home the past two days, with a terrible sore throat and a croaky voice. I have come to realise how much my job depends on my speech -- being a speech therapist and all, haha. I hope my throat doesn't worsen after my return to work tomorrow... :( seeing as how I spend the better part of almost every hour talking non-stop.

I've taken this nice retreat at home to go over my Arabic grammar books! I do love quiet hours and sitting with books and not having to rush.

On the drama front -- I have actually started a Malay drama! Wahhh, you should say. The first time in a long time; actually the first time since this same pairing in Nur Kasih. And now they're together again in Cinta Jangan Pergi -- the plot kinda reminds me of Winter Sonata, except there isn't really a memory loss plot device (which is k-drama's forte). With Malay dramas, I'm always kinda on edge, waiting to be disappointed, but this hasn't been too bad so far.

And the songs are nice nice nice!

For something to last, it has to evolve... ne.

I've been reflecting on this. And that if something stays stagnant, it starts to rub on the new ever-changing environment and then... :(

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A reminder for me:

God, help me move on from being a dabbler and hacker.

Monday blues

It's always easier said than done? Some days all I want to do is curl up under the covers and sleep the hours away...

Nodame Cantabile!

I've started re-watching the live action manga-adaptation; FYI, the drama is about young Music majors trying to take on the difficult world of music.

Laugh-out-loud hilarious, heartwarming, inspiring, with a cute, nutty, and unlikely OTP -- this totally ranks as one of the best and most re-watchable dramas in my list. (Speaking of which, I really should physically make a list or something, shouldn't I?)

Nodame Cantabile is also likely the one that taught me how to appreciate manga-style J-drama, with all the crack and out-of-this-world plot twists. Despite the plot meanderings, the theme and objective of the story is solid, and moves you in all kinds of ways. God, I adore Nodame. And Chiaki. And practically everyone in the entire drama cast. The whole thing was so well done, so well-casted and so well-acted. I do remember giving this drama 5 hearts in my very first review of it, and I do it again now wholeheartedly, even just after the first episode re-watch.

(a separate review you might want to read: here.)

Nodame and Chiaki are amusing and inspiring at the same time; 

she is his muse, and he disciplines and hones her raw talent;

he puts order into her life, she spices it up for him; --

and they make awesome music!

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Still re-watching and getting my happy fix! :) hehe.

Oh, Nodame, how you make me laugh, you crazy, adorable thing. No wonder Chiaki loves you.

And this shall be here because the last part's like a summary of all that is wonderful about this drama.

(beware SPOILERS!)

n11D by aeeework19

I am happy it's a short week!

And this is amusing stuff -- this is why I love using LINE. It's cute, and fun, and when I'm back in whatsapp I feel handicapped by the lack of stickers.

There I was visiting Lin's house and was super hungry, but no food!

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Memorable things over the weekend:

1) I got this surprise from my lovely friend! 

Nothing makes you feel so loved as someone who takes note of the little things.

2) Went for Sarah's wedding, and OMG, she invited our APEX class from the first batch in 2008, and OMG, they are 17 years old now and so big! I met them at the reception, did a lot of exclaiming, and then felt so old. 

3) June holiday trip is materialising! Happiness.

"In fact, my soul and yours are the same. You appear in me, I appear in you. We hide in each other."

— Rumi

The best thing a parent can do for the child is to be a good role model.


It applies to every aspect of life. In my therapy sessions too, I'm like a broken record when it comes to explaining how parents should model for the child appropriate language forms. More than linguistic abilities though, parents should be the kind of persons they want their children to be. This should be a duh concept, right -- but it's surprising how little we actually truly contemplate this and how much less it is actually implemented.

It's been a point of discussion with some friends of mine what an ideal mother is -- and while I do admire mothers who focus on their children, take time off work or quit entirely, or devote their lives to educating and homeschooling their children (and for a time period, I really thought this was the absolute best thing for kids, and maybe it really is) -- I realise that it may not be the only best answer. I've been thinking that strong, independent, doing-big-stuff-out-there women as mothers are truly equally awesome, if not more so -- because they're a model of strength, drive, ambition, service, and their values are then best passed on to their kids. I've seen and heard of some women doing things like this -- how they accomplish this feat is a different story entirely; superwoman, anyone? -- I think it's great. You want your sons and daughters to do great things for the world when they grow up? Then you do it first and show them how it's done. I think success and service run in the family.

So many thoughts and emotions (life is a rollercoaster, yes?) but I want to tell this adorable story instead (taken from one of Shaykh Hamza's many lectures):

There was this desert man who, after catching a lizard for dinner -- yes, apparently desert people had lizards for dinner -- approached Rasulullah s.a.w. to ask, "Are you the man who claims to be the Messenger of God?"

Rasulullah s.a.w. replied: "Yes. Will you believe?"

The desert man was all-skeptical, and like, "I'll believe if this lizard believes!"

Rasulullah s.a.w. proceeded to ask, "What say you, lizard?"

And the lizard said, "I witness there is no God but Allah, and Muhammad is His Messenger."

: OOOODDDD 

I totally squealed! Ah, so cute.

Ya Rasulullah. How my heart aches.

Last night, I fell asleep thinking and wondering how on Earth people live without God. 

I was reading this: Female 'Purity' Is Bullshit and this: Why Good Girls Have Become As Extinct As Unicorns. 

I felt so scared and sad thinking of all the terrible things and ideas and the bleakness out there -- and my God, thank You for my solace in You. If I didn't have God, I can almost guarantee I'd be on anti-depressants. How do other people do without God, I honestly am curious.

An amusing post from dangermousie:

Ep 2 of Gu Family Book, as well as 3/4 of kdrama OTPs summed up in 4 caps. Seriously, angst overload, and it’s only the parents!







I was thinking as I watched the early episodes of Gu Family Book that the parents of heroes always have the saddest deals in stories -- seriously. The parents are generally awesome persons, but they will undoubtedly die terrible, unjustified deaths, so that their children will have difficult lives and grow up to become heroes.

And oh, the angst!

I am having such a dearth of good shows, and Gu Family Book is an attempt to entertain my nights -- not too bad so far, but I'm still waiting to be hooked in properly.

Donnie Darko

Well, no wonder this movie has a cult following! What a fascinating piece of work, yo.

And I do like this song too.

So much symbolism and so many levels of interpretation in this movie, not all or even many of which I actually think I agree with -- but man, I can totally appreciate how well-crafted it is! Superb how the pieces fit together only now on hindsight; this story will leave you going, What the heck just happened!!! when the credits roll. But even at that point of confusion, I already thought it was a great movie.

Then I went to dig up an explanation, and this was quite enlightening and added to my appreciation:


SPOILER!

I love it when I have an addition to either my list of must-reads or must-sees. 

the thing about cliches is that they really are true

We talked about happiness and depression tonight (amidst my wonderful birthday dinner with some lovely friends), and I realise I've been doing something; I've been holding out on what I believe is the key to happiness and contentment -- like I'm afraid some of my friends won't believe me. Which on reflection, is such a shameful act on my part, it cracks my heart.

It's God, my friends. For me, it's There is no God but Allah, and Sayidina Muhammad is His Beloved Messenger. It's as simple as that. And I'm afraid that when I say it, some of you will think, oh that answer, I've heard it before. But it's true, and I wish you could see it, so you'll be deep-down-happy too. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm rainbows and ponies most days; I still have my terrible moments -- tears come quite easy to me. But there's an anchor now lodged in my heart, that's like a spring of happiness and a compass for guidance, and as long as I water it with remembrance of God, there's light in my life, come what may.