Not for the first time, I'm wishing I only needed 3 hours of sleep. I can feel my brain throbbing for sleep, but I am resisting because goddamn it! There are far too many fun things to do online.

I had to wake up early today and spend almost the entire day learning about PSLE math. All part of being mentor to P6 kids all geared up for the exams. So yes. Lack of sleep.

Anyway. Continuing from last post... I still haven't watched Ayat-ayat Cinta. I don't know, it's like the universe is against my watching it or something. (But I shall not be silly enough to read into that, shut up brain.) So anyway, 7 of us piled into a car (sis, me, brother and our other-brothers) and drove all the way to cathay cineleisure. And when I rushed to buy tickets, the numbers were all already red. SOLD OUT. Seriously. Someone needs to realise that this movie needs more airing time.

So we bummed around. All depressed because we couldn't find a good movie we all hadn't watched. We loitered around PS. And finally swooped down on gelare. We finished 3 waffles at a record speed of 4 minutes. We were all cracked up by the end of it because our $40 waffles disappeared at a rate of $10/min. That's hilarious. Really. Then we browsed dvds and books at Times. I contemplated getting another self-study Japanese book (cause I'm halfway through my current one) but refrained from splurging. Hussain was all psyched about his China stint and was checking out maps. And the boys were at the mags.

It felt good to be out with them, regardless of ultra movie failure. Like rediscovering that bit of me I'd almost entirely forgotten. Nostalgia kicking in again. These were the people I grew up with. And it's so great that we're still close. The original 8, minus one. I think I remember writing about us back in JC. How I felt like everyone was starting to drift apart at that point.

It's happened... a little. But we're still hanging on. But this whole business about all the boys having girlfriends, as I suspect, is unsettling. Ah. The tides of time waits for no girl.

And oh. I got the IBN attachment. Part of me is absolutely determined I enjoy this.

I've been wanting to say something about Maulid celebrations that we had last sunday. I stupidly forgot to bring my cam! -_- And the Hadhrah boys were so nicely dressed up too. And Ahmad had his flute and everything. Kebodohan right!

I really thought the Hadhrah was good. But I wish they'd learnt to do the breathing thing as well. Okay, I'm not sure know how to describe this breathing thing: it's like they breathe in and out but within each breath you can hear "Allah". It's really damn cool.

Ah, gotta go! Finally watching Ayat-ayat Cinta with the cuzzies. (:

I like this video too! It's one of the older ones. It's scary lah. Thinking about arrogance. It's an all-too-easy trap. Cause you always have to remind yourself that whatever that's good about yourself, ain't all yours in the first place.



Lucky I didn't go up to him and ask for an autograph (read previous entry). :S

I think I saw Baba Ali yesterday! Went out with Hudy, Marli and Khairiah to eat at Al-Majlis, and when we were almost leaving, I saw this guy at the table next to us, and he looked just like Baba Ali. O_O I kept trying to peek at him over my shoulder. I really think it was him! Except he looked a bit younger... But if it was him, what's he doing in Singapore?! I was too freaked to go up to him and ask lah. Too embarassing.

Here's one of the funnier episodes about hijab. The names he gives to the different kinds of hijab are so amusing!


Anyway, yesterday was sweet! The four of us met up for dinner and I received belated birthday presents. >.< A green purse and bangles! I really want to wear them bangles. If only they were just that bit smaller, they'd be perfect. And there was much gushing over Ayat-ayat Cinta. I really want to watch it now! And consequently much discussion over jodoh and soulmates. Very amusing. The concluding theory contributed by Hudy: everyone has a soulmate (someone who loves and wants you as much as you do him/her) except that person might not be the one you live with for the rest of your life. In fact, your soulmate could be that one amazing person you spent 10 minutes with at the bus stop but never meet again. @_@ How sad, right. Haha.

PHOTOS!: Lunch at the halal Hei Sushi @ Downtown East with Eunice! I finally had a proper sushi meal, and I actually liked it! Was so happily surprised. My family largely looks down on uncooked food (My brother: "Cooking was invented for a reason.") and everyone thinks sashimi looks particularly disgusting. But but BUT! I actually liked everything I tried! So happy. I've already told Ahmad (the only cousin that likes Japanese cuisine) about it and we've promised to go together some time. :)

Me at Hei Sushi. The computerized ordering system is a bit whacked though.


Eunice with the menu. She looks amused. Probably at my crazy level of excitement over some Japanese food.


The salmon nigiri! My favourite of the lot.


The Hei Chawanmushi. Nice.


Hamachi (if I'm not wrong). I can't say I love raw cold fish, but it wasn't bad.


Prawn nigiri. Prawns never go wrong in my book. (:


Salmon roe. At first they looked scary, but they turned out fine. Salty, but nice.


Maguro nigiri. aka Tuna.


Soft shell crab! Eunice was like, "You've never eaten soft shell crab?! @_@ WE MUST HAVE IT."


Ja!

I'm going out to buy movie tickets in Toa Payoh of all places, because apparently, Congkak only airs at Eng Wah Cinemas. Sigh. Car, I want car. Abah says when I get my licence maybe he'll think of buying us a small car, a cherry qq maybe, ugly as it is.

I was trying to put up photos but tssssk. There is something wrong with blogger at the moment, I think.

My sis just asked me for the name of a music band. I'm like -_____________-"

You ask me for the name of the band? Me, who thought Fountains of Wayne was Fountains of Bay? Haha, really. I'm so bad at recognizing singers and musicians. It is a rare occasion when I truly fall in love with a song and look up the person who sings it.

I have photos to post but I feel lazy. Maybe in a while.

We are going to watch Congkak tomorrow! yippeeness.

Tabloid gossip is such guilty pleasure. >.< Yamapi and Abiru officially over? Please be true. Yamapi deserves better.

Speaking of tabloids... Current family drama made me laugh the other day. It's like, really, the tabloids. You hear like 6 different versions of the same event, rehashed more than 30 times, and you have to try and figure out the truth. And take everything with a little grain of salt.

And the funniest thing was, "Sejak bila aku curi beca?" That was just. That just made me laugh so much. Totally tabloid. Like celebrities reading stuff about themselves in the paper and going, "Eh! I'm not dating her! I said barely two words to her!"

SIGH.

But really. Last night, I almost wanted to cry. When will it ever stop.

Nevermind if you don't know what I'm blabbing on about, it's not worth mulling over.

oh yes! Mother's Day! We gave umi an oriental tea set. And I hugged her and cried. I really am very emo. I'm one of those people you can't hug, because once you do, it'll just release a flood of tears. Sometimes I think I'm holding a fragile glass container in my chest that's just about to crack open anytime. Eheh. There we go, emo again. :|

I pray for better times. Weather the storm and we'll reach the shore, someday.

It's summertime and all, and mostly, I am happy, yes, I am. But but but. Little things can be truly bothersome, and can spoil everything. ack ack ack.

SNIFF.

My heart feels heavy.

I think I need to wake up early tomorrow and do some productive things.

I'm remembering a line from the movie adaptation of The Other Boleyn Girl (which rocked, did I say?): The art of being a woman is letting men think they are the ones in control.

And my. I think it's so so so so so so true. I watched with my brother, so I asked him about it when we were driving back, and he was like, "Yarlah. I think men know it but can't do anything about it." Haha. Women are super-manipulators, okay. If you think about it, Anne Boleyn, as the story depicted, was probably behind the establishment of the Church of England. Amazing, ain't it?

Sigh sigh sigh. Be a good woman, women. Women make or break a family I think, so be a good one.

Also, when I was out today, I saw the chicken essence advert again, and hello, that advert is seriously ridiculous lah okay. If you actually take notice, you'll realise that the kids who claim the intelligence-boosting power of chicken essence are all wearing supposedly top-school uniforms, except without the blatant school badges or crests. There was RG, RI, I think SJI and SCGS too, and Nanyang (without the prominent red kanji characters at the corner! @_@). Who are they trying to kid, really. The advert just SCREAMS Singapore's kiasuism, elitist attitude and grade-obsession. It bothers me! It's like, you can't really say it, but you know, if you drink chicken essence, you can go to RI.

-_- puke.

Some Rafflesians seriously go overboard. Like that Rafflesian success stories book, if you've seen it. What is the need, seriously, to title it that way??? I can't fully verify this, but do we go to bookstores and find books like "Cambridge Success Stories", or "Harvard Superstars" or something like that?! Eeeesh. Sometimes ah. Cannot take it, yar.

I finished watching 1 Litre of Tears. And my goodness, the drama keeps to its title. I cried so much, it's nuts. It's at the level of Tuesdays with Morrie and Prozac Nation and Pawn in Frankincense; where it ain't just, "Ohmygod, that's sad!" and you shed a couple of tears. It's like serious outpourings, non-stop waterworks, almost sobbing out loud kind of sad. If you're in the mood for a tearjerker, this is definitely one. Guaranteed tears. If not, you're inhuman, I think. Haha.

It's funny how, when I have to wake up early to study, I don't. But now when I have nothing to study, I don't go back to sleep after subuh despite sleeping at 3 in the morning, and I do dumb stuff like writing and blogging and reading and watching sappy stuff. My my. If we could only control where our passions lie. I so would.

FINALLY. IT IS DONE!!! DONE WITH PAPERS!!! :)))))

Bio was not great, but it wasn't bad either. But programming was expectedly nightmarish. I was so angry with myself. I couldn't even recall properly the properties of an AVL tree. I was like... eeeeh. I kept confusing Heap and Balanced Tree and AVL Tree. :( Feel horrid about it. I have no one to blame but me. Annoying I am! I really want a B for once in programming. NO more Cs please! And there was this horrid question at the end where they ask to write a recursive function for Bubble Sort, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what the freaking question wanted! Was ultra ultra pissed. I swear, if people were allowed to make noise in exam halls, I would so be making scary and whiny noises half the time. argh.

But all that done with, I am free. Pheeeeeeeew.

I am looking forward to tomorrow! Meeting up with Eunice. Maybe we can start discussing our LYMOND PROJECT. Wahaha. And plan for the rest of summer. And I also have to start on the Morocco video; once Aisyah returns me my firewire. And maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll get a job. And I can return to Arabic. Wheee. Good times. I think I really want some waffle icecream tomorrow.

I am happy, because THIS IS THE SUMMER TIME. >.<

Nothing imprisons oneself like the exam period. It's a few more days to the end of it all for me but I feel like I can't take it anymore. Just want to freaking fly away. -_- Sometimes, in fact most of the time, I stare at my notes and wonder incessantly how knowing about stirling numbers or derangements or recurrence relations is supposed to help my future somehow. Just. Head-bangingly frustrating not to be able to see how this fits into the big picture. Bleak-o.

Anyway, I felt the urge to type. These urges always come at the most importune moments, like I've mentioned before. And I decided to indulge myself (despite dismal state of revision). Something someone said has stayed with me for days now, and I shall blog about it.

The other day, the family came over to gather and chat, as malay families are wont to do. And my dad, as always, was cracking everyone up every other minute with his insane remarks. Then Kak Shida was like, "My goodness, how is it huh, to have your dad around everyday? Must be crazy." And it made me pause.

How we take things for granted, you know. And the more I thought about it, the more I couldn't imagine not having my dad and his mad humour in my life. I mean, it's not like my dad is funny 24/7; he's incredibly irritating and exasperating too. But the little things that we have around us, that have always been an integral part of our lives, we barely take notice, you know. Until someone points it out, or until we lose it. I mean, I never really realised or acknowledged, before Kak Shida pointed it out, how lucky we are, to have such a ridiculously funny dad. People are actually envious of it.

Like the other time at dinner too, on the rare occasion when my bro, sis and me were all there and we were animatedly having a conversation (I think about the slugs my brother encountered in Taiwan), and Cik An was like fascinated how we could get along so well, whilst her kids barely speak to each other except when necessary. And I was like, "Eh...". Even little things like sibling dynamics shouldn't be taken for granted, you know.

It's nice to learn about the little things you should be grateful for in life.

Okay, I shouldn't be posting essay-like entries at a time like this! gahness. >.< what am I doing.

what is this. Suddenly, my blogging has come back full-force and I can't stop but have an entry every 6 hours or so? eheh.

I'm just feeling happy, I think, that's why. Nekmah just called me to wish me and we talked and she said nice things. She said she'll pray for me; that I'll shine like a jewel through life. (: I FEEL LOVED TODAY.

And I am stroking my NEWS cd lovingly right now. How on earth did they grow on me so much. Ah. Sweet moments should last forever.

Eunice just said my being loveless comment cracked her up. And that it sounded like I'd already turned 40 and needed help from SDU or stg. -__-

Did not really mean it like that. Just that, by the time you're 21, you should have had some real loves eh. Isn't that the general consensus? But not me. Not really. It's not like I'm desperate or anything! I'm just saying. In fact, I much prefer my being this way, I think. Because... when I fall in love, it will be forever...

Wahahaha. Can you tell this nuttiness is a combination of it being my birthday and exam time as well? Nya.

I have to post because I have turned the BIG 21. O_O

ohgoshgoshgosh.

It feels like such a big event should be accompanied with fireworks and public broadcasting, not my sister's whining about tomorrow's school day. Like, becoming 21 has all these, I don't know, big connotations. The time when people look at you and finally make the judgement: "Wow, she's become a great woman." or not. And like. Wibble. I'm not sure how I fare.

I'm not miserable, I just feel unsure.

Let's see. I should record this moment when I turn 21. What am I doing right now? I'm sitting reclined on my bed, with beloved laptop, and of course blogging away. Ah. Blogging. Something that has endured the years, since I turned 14 or so. I've always loved to write, my being good at it another matter entirely.

And my sister just gave me my present! >.< She gave me NEWS Pacific cd! Plus some nice pics of Yamapi and all of them. Ohmygod, this must be so wrong. AHAHAHAH. I so totally squealed when I saw the size of the wrapped present, cause it was cd-size. I am so into Japanese Entertainment now, it's crazy. I'm just so helplessly fascinated. Ah yes. Another thing about me that has lasted till today - fangirling. One fandom after another, starting with dearest HP (the one and always). It's a part of me I both love and hate.

What else. I'm 21 but still studying. Well, that's the way it should very well be, eh. Just saying that, more than anything, I know about being a student. About that dreadful exam week I so resent; the time when you're just feeling awful; you know you have to study but you just don't feel like studying. yech.

I think I've also become more understanding of my mum. Especially recently, I've realised some things, and I've finally, I think, put that little rebel in me behind. My mum used to rub me the wrong way a lot of the time, but not anymore I think. Ah. I have matured a little, I guess.

Other than that, hm. Still loveless. Still the same. Part of me's glad. But. Not all of me.

But, truly, this moment, I AM HAPPY. Am talking to Eunice online and I just got my present from my sis. Little things like this make me happy. (:

To a great adult life.

I want to make this entry the last one in a long time. Cause I have to stay away and study. I'll go away with saying that the birds had a nice get-together this past wednesday! I miss us being together. And being crappy. And I want to post some photos. I hope you guys don't mind! I just thought the black and white photos were really nice.











:)

Ja!

I'm having a lazy day again. Don't want to budge into work! :(

My sis and me were rewatching Evil Bunny's Enjet-enjet Semut video last night. It is awesome; a classic. :) Here it is in case you haven't seen it. A must-watch for Malays.



Also, there's this jap song newly stuck in my head. It was a hit in Japan a few years back. I like it! >.< And I want to learn the chorus dance. Nya! And I seriously, seriously adore Yamashita Tomohisa (He's the one with the shorter hair in the vid). Incredibly cool lah. Here's Seishun Amigo by Shuuji to Akira.



The way to survive life is to be able to compartmentalise your ambitions, feelings and desires. I think. Anyway, last thing before I force myself into work: I've got a quote I like that I found in my brother's book, "The Game" by Neil Strauss.

In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out. Usually, what you wish for doesn't fall in your lap; it falls somewhere nearby, and you have to recognize it, stand up, and put in the time and work it takes to get it. This isn't because the universe is cruel. It's because the universe is smart. It has its own cat-string theory and knows we don't appreciate things that fall into our laps.

When I read that, I was like :( . How frustrating. I didn't know whether to scream or cry or laugh or what.

okay, time for work.

Triple crap. I need to stop watching these love stories and romance dramas and soap operas. It's turning my brain into complete mush, plus detrimental in like five million more ways. =_=

I do wonder if in essence, people never change at all. That the person you are, was the same whence you were born and will be the same the day you die. Like there's that very thing that just makes you you and you're supposed to have it always always or you wouldn't be you at all. You know? Or am I going around in circles?

Like maybe I'll always be an uber sap and eat up soppy stories like candy. And I'll always be the volcano-type of person; you know, someone who let's things bubble until everything explodes. Maybe. I'm not sure if I'm comforted or not by this theory.

This is a bit late, but Happy Maulid Rasul! (: May our love for Nabi s.a.w. grow ever stronger.

We celebrated at Kak Shida's place yesterday, with food and also a birthday cake for Mami Bee, it coincidentally being her birthday too. Food was yummy. The atmostphere was nice. Then at night, we watched Suhaimi Yusof's "Kelakar Rabak!" which was utterly random and damn funny. There were a number of short comedic skits that included a rather girlish Sultan, Panglimas armed with Jedi lightsabres and Terminator (who said when frustrated, "small-small don't want to die".) I also totally loved the comparison Suhaimi made between the Sultan and Dora the Explorer because of his short-cropped hair. Eh, ampun tuanku! Patik ingatkan Dora the Explorer tadi! Or something along those lines. gila! >.<

In the car. Note the triangle. My brother just got his licence and has become obsessed about practising.




And my dad in the front passenger seat being all kan-cheong about my brother's driving. "Eh, jangan melempah-lempah eh! Handbrake dah turun, handbrake dah turun???"


The birthday cake.


Kawaii ne! Babawok is so adorable.


My favourite kid in the world right now! Abbas, kid from the hood.





Today, I sat in CoffeeBean in Bugis (I love that place) to study for a bit, and after sitting for sometime, I realised that I liked the fact that a freakingly myriad range of people visited that place. There was this blond girl teaching a chinese dude english, a little girl who spoke japanese to someone on her mother's phone (kawaii again!), students with friends from cambodia (I accidentally overheard their conversation.), a group of deaf people interacting in sign language, a dad with his kids just back from madrasah and american tourists. I decided I liked the fact that Singapore was becoming highly multi-ethnic, cosmopolitan and global and all. You get to see so many different people. It just made me smile.

But then on the way home, when I had to battle my way through bugis junction, my enthusiasm dropped a couple of notches because unlike coffeebean, the mall was WAAAY crowded. Just looking at the people teeming from bugis village gave me shivers. It felt like geylang on raya night! I was so frustrated with the crowd, I felt like bashing people up just to clear the passageway. Couples strolling hand-in-hand especially infuriated me. (Honestly, if I were to go on a date, it would never be at a crowded mall.) GO HOME, PEOPLE. And oh yes, not to mention the national library; it was less a library and more a book warehouse sale. I felt so insulted, and practically left the moment I stepped in. Singapore just destroys the sanctity of libraries for me. So, I am kind of torn about the whole foreigners coming to Singapore thing. Because squeezing like a sardine into mrts is no fun.

okay, got to go watch letters from iwo jima for geog. essays to write.