Despite the fact that I have chem SPA tomorrow and am dying to get back to my notes and save myself from more failure (failed chem lect test by 1/2 mark), I am here blogging. Because I have something to say that should not be left to another time when my mood to write about intended topic has worn off.

Today is my birthday. And it has been wonderful. Really amazing. It's the fact that a whole lot of people remembered. You know how you sometimes get pangs of depression? I get that on a regular basis. During times like that, I start to feel like I'm useless and in fact, nobody would care if I disappeared off the face of this earth. But today. TODAY proved how much I should be grateful, because I have people who cared enough to make my birthday such a special event for me.

The birds. Well, they have been the best. They were the ones who made my 16th birthday fantabulous, an occasion which I'd thought back then would be unparalleled. Of course this year... they'd proven that they could make it even better. I got the bin and absolutely fantastic rubbish.

Jean. Who is sooo sweet. And gave this soap set... shower gel, shampoo etc that has a camomile scent. I smell really good now!

1S03D! Who gave me a card with everyone's messages and a pretty black purse! Love my class...

Duck who smsed me, 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MIDGET!' Typical. But thank you anyway.

Turk who came to me after PE to say happy birthday again... hehe... shall be looking forward to more stuff in mailbox tomorrow...

My mum! For the bracelet made of stirling silver and Russian synthetic diamond.. (ooooh!)

My dad! Who forgot that he's already bought me the chess set from Colmar, France and asked me what i wanted! haha!

My bro and sis who dumped the presents on my table! A necklace and hairclip that has the letters V U L T from sis and keychain that has my name from bro.

Niki! Who promises more green socks. Yippeee!

Sowmya! The first person to wish me happy birthday in school. And gave me a cute dog keychain and a pretty mug.

Yashira! Who couldn't find me in school early in the morning... but found me later and gave me a hug and promises presents!

My aunt! Who already gave me money last week. $$$:)

Mel! Who smsed me, 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TWIT'. And scolded me for not reminding her. But seems she remembered anyway.

Adibah, a friend from when I was barely 6, smsed happy birthday!

Sarah Siew remembered too! She is sooooo sweet.

Joel said happy birthday too.

All the girls in my class.

Anjali, with whom I'm hardly acquainted, wished me.

Abigail (I think), Eunice's classmate, wished me, when she saw me lugging Jean's present to me.

My maid! Who gave me a very touching letter wishing me all the best... and actually gave me ten dollars. I wish she didnt! I don't need anymore gifts... But I couldnt possible refuse...

Thank you so much everyone. My day would have been terrible had not each of you did that little thing that means so much to me... what with math test for which I'm confirmed dead. Ladida...

Didn't fail bio! Phew. Got 22/40. It could be worse... I could have failed ALL my lecture tests...

The cuckoo clock my family got from Switzerland went cuckoo last week. Everytime it reached the hour, say 8 o'clock, it would emit two extra cuckoos, so that it sounded 10 times. Nuts. And we were trying to figure out went wrong. Mum, Dad, me and brother sat at the dining table having a heated conversation (with bursts of laughter from my bro and me at my dad's silly ideas) about it, the clock hanging on the wall, mocking at us. We had a lot if theories as to what went wrong. Ranging from problems in winding the clock (it is completely non-battery operated!) and the gears being damaged completely. Really, I was completely puzzled by it. It was frustrating. In the end, while dad was fiddling with the hands of the clock, at suggestions from my mother and me to spin them faster so as to catch up with the cuckoos, my dad fixed it. And we went, "What did you do? What did you do?". My dad, being himself, merely gave a "Hah! I'm smarter than all of you, what did you expect look?" And smirked. Which elicited mild screams from me and my mum. Turned out all he had to do was move the hour hand only and not the minute hand. So simple.

Bah.

Drama is over! My goodness. It was fantastic! It was almost as good as the RG drama in Sec 4! Wait... what am I saying... It's even better!

It's amazing how the audience could oooh and aaaah at points where we didnt expect them to. It really is exhilirating. Imagine having heard a line being said probably a million times over and thinking how boring it sounds but then when it's being said in front of a real life audience, it causes shrieks of laughter. I remember thinking, "Oh my god! They like it!" After I finished my scenes, feeling absolutely relieved but at the same time completely high on adrenaline, I stood behind the curtains to watch. And as each scene unfolded, receiving unexpectedly good responses from the audience, I got really REALLY happy that I started to sing to all the songs that were playing during the scene intervals and even danced a little bit to them. And of course, I wore my silly grin on my face. Thank god it was dark. But really, I never felt happier for drama than at that point behind the curtains.

When it ended and we all stepped out to bow and all that, I started to feel a little bit sad. Because, well, it was over. I am going to miss, no, I'm already missing, drama sessions. I miss the people. I miss Kak Ain and her slightly crazy antics and her nicknaming of cute boys after food or hair or your normal everyday objects. I miss going to the surau and taking my time praying and taking my time walking to ghim moh and meeting aisyah and eating macs till 5.10. I miss wasting the afternoon away chatting to kak filza, yashira, aisyah, yus, nadia and crap, everyone else, till drama started. I miss all the bloopers that could make me laugh like mad. And, oh my god, I'm going to miss eating tom yam flavoured maggi for dinner! I'm going to miss the guys who are most of the time missing because of their training but nonetheless when they're around make things more upbeat. (Recall Rudy and his dance moves and Iylia being so serious (but ahem... the best actor as always) that Yus kept giving me looks and Jau, of course, fooling around... especially with my vcam) I miss having Lt 1 to ourselves. And if I go on writing about what I'll miss, I'll never end, and I am well aware that all good things have to come to an end. Sad as it is.

*

Watched 'The Passion' yesterday on pirated vcd. Very... bloody. Extremely bloody. Bloody... bloody. (Muahahaha... couldn't resist putting that in.) It was an interesting movie. And it would have been very moving if I had been a devout Christian. I'm not saying it wasn't sad to me, by gosh, it was. But the fact that I don't believe everything the story portrays makes it a bit less great than what all the hype made it out to be. So at the end, I was like, "Ok... it's a good movie... but what's so great?" I think this is a movie for Christians. You'll bawl your eyes out for Jesus, and if I'd been Chrisitian, I would have. But the thing is, I'm not. So to me, it was nothing more than a fascinating insight into biblical history. And all that Aramic! Oooh. I had so much fun comparing it with Arabic with my dad.

And oh, Jim Caviezel really looked like Jesus they normally portray in pictures!

*

I have the Dorothy Dunnett Guide now! Sooooooo happy. :) :) :) :) :) :p Now I can understand Lymond better.

Finally, I'm home before dark. Every single day of this week, I had drama, cept today. Saturday's the big day. OooOooh. Scary but exciting.

Eunice has done a lot of talking lately. (But yes... I would have loved green striped socks... so pretty!) Niki has started to tease me about the colour green. She said this morning, "I know why Shamiah came to RJ! It's because of the uniform!" For a moment I blinked. Then it sunk in. I rolled my eyes. Then I told her the uniform was a bonus, not the reason... come on! I can BUY green things... I don't work hard for 6 points just so I can wear green! Not that I worked hard... And since Niki knows now... I told her about my green bin. And my green socks, which I've yet to wear... Think I'll wear it this Saturday...

Mock spa tmr! I hate SPA. HATE IT. Especially chem SPA. I will be completely flustered tmr... I can already picture it in my head... UGH.

Don't want to fail bio... Don't want to fail bio.... I might fail bio... Don't want to fail bio...

Am reading a HILARIOUS fanfic. Oh my goodness... it is so funny... my brother and sister really thought I had gone loony the way I was clutching my stomach and laughing like mad. It's like the short ficlet Cassie wrote last time in which Draco thoguht he was pasty and made himself orange and Harry only talked in CAPS. Only this one isn't written by Cassie. It's titled Draco the Amazing Bouncing... Rat? by Maya. Try it out if you have time... A good cheerer upper.

Today was quite horrible. Photog was absolutely terrible. Drama was simply a waste of time. I basically did zero things useful. The only thing I enjoyed today was eating McSpicy Double for the first time at Macs and watching the Bourne Identity on HBO. I must say... the movie is intriguing... though the ending was more or less predictable. But the action was nice! Especially the part where he pushed the dead guy off the stairs and used the dead body as sort of a... surf. Extremely exciting... Feel compelled to get my hands on the book series... Maybe I should ask Niki...

Oh, of course. How could I forget to write about my birthday outing. Albeit, one 20 days too early. But hey, I'm not complaining. I must express my gratitude towards my dearest friends. (Birdieocracy forever!) The rubbish was wonderful. I will cherish each rotting piece of garbage for as long as I live. Your letters mean the most to me... because finally... it said 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY'. Thank you so much! I must say... my birthdays are becoming much of an event... I wore the earrings to school today. Had some nice comments about it. Have yet to wear my ankle socks. The green doesnt match my pink shoes. Proper thank you letters will be issued some day soon.

It is 15 minutes to 1 am. I should get some shut eye.

I hate it when it comes to the point when I start worrying whether or not people enjoy what I write. I shouldn't! This is my blog. I shouldn't care! When I first decided to blog, I didn't mean for anyone to read it much anyway. I realise that some people enjoy surfing blogs so that they can find out more about so-and-so. So I suppose it is to some extent disappointing to find my blog filled up with nothing but my obsession over books, HP, fanfiction and personality types. I'm sorry but I really don't go around exposing my innermost emotions where I know people will read. It is not who I am. Even in my own private written journal, which nobody except two souls have laid eyes on and even then only certain less confidential pages, I don't write names lest someone might see, no matter how slim the chance. I'm that bad. THAT BAD. All the entries here barely scratch the surface of the real me. So, I'm sorry again if my blog isn't terribly entertaining.

But I'm not saying that what I type here is a farce. It's not! It really is not. This blog here is one part of me that I'm willing to share. The obsessive me. The hyper me. The wacky me. Though sometimes, I do insert the real me between the lines... or in quotes. And that's how it's going to be for as long as I want it.

Well. Now that I've gotten that off my chest... My malay drama is finally confirmed! I was so happy last night. Especially for the J2s who worked especially hard for it. My gosh... I felt excited all night last night... could hardly fall asleep. And I'm still feeling happy this morning. :)

Had a dream which made me want to knock my head against the wall repeatedly. Settled with smacking my forehead instead. I can't believe I dreamt that. I can't believe it!!! How humiliating. And that's as much as I'm going to say about it.

Oh god... What is going on in my brain... I am so going nuts.

OMG!! PoA Trailer 2 is here!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saw it. Muahahaha... Hermione grabbed Ron's hand! Dementor's quite scary... I think the movie looks quite promising! Wish Harry didn't have to yell 'Expecto Patronum' at the end though... it sounded a bit weird... Draco as mean as always. Heh. What did I expect. Oh my gosh... I'm so excited... *bounce bounce*

Talking to J2 cousin who says he thinks HP's getting too kiddy for him now. But he says he'll watch it still... for this year. HMPH. Once a fan, forever a fan, right? I cannot imagine myself hating HP even when I'm 60. I think it's too much a part of me.

Bio Lecture Test on monday!!! And I haven't started studying yet... So going to die.

Am in RJ's computer lab right now... skipping all the O2 activities. Feeling slightly guilty still... after all the people who worked hard for O2. But I saw some newcomers leaving... which sort of made me feel less guilty because this whole thing is supposed to be about them! Sigh... Sad. Sad. The whole thing's just really SAD.

Anyway, I was clearing my table yesterday. Finally dumped all sec 4 stuff away. Old files... worksheets... I gave some stuff to my brother (who is being freakingly studious) and still have the huge green physics file cause it's the most nicely compiled file. I found old notebooks too. Found the MTV one with all the crazy doodles and hangman games... and chain stories. The wabbit one cracked me up completely. Victoria can be really crazy sometimes...

I realised last night that I undertake too much. Another INFP trait. (Found the MBTI booklet on career thingywhile cleaning and read some stuff... ) I shall make a list of the projects that I have embarked on or plan to carry out.

1. Read Lymond Chronicles back to front. With the help of the Dorothy Dunnett Guides by Elspeth Morrison (which I still don't possess). So far, I have finished Book Two only. And am dying to get my hands on the blasted guides...

2. Finish my Switzerland video. My mum keeps nagging. So far, I've only burnt disc one. Two more to go.

3. Continue old story. So far, I've written only one and a half pages on microsoft word.

4. Read all the romance novels that I bought from my cousin, even though I wasn't very eager at first.

More coming next time...

Have to go. Yashira wants us to go Holland V. Leila's birthday present apparently... Hm.

Desperately wanted to paste a quote from Lymond so there it is at the side. Not very encouraging, I know.

Finally finished burning all birdieocracy videos. Phew.

Feeling extremely demoralised in school. Besides the fact that I am what seems like miles shorter than everyone else, I am also failing every single exercise I attempt to do with the exception of maths asignments. I can't seem to pass a single chem prac. I failed chem lec test. Phy lec test. Bio beetroot prac. Sometimes I wonder. Do I really belong where I am? I never do feel truly belonged anywhere.

I'm just the spoon in the bowl of soup.

Was having brunch at about 11.30 am this morning. Was eating with sis... and watching tv... peacefully. When lo and behold, a huge wasp appeared into the dining room. It was the size of my palm... which isn't that small. And, it was flying so low, you would think it was having fun skimming its legs on the tabletop. I screamed. Then my sister spotted it too and screamed. And we dived, sprawling onto the carpeted floor, grabbing onto each other's shirts and clawing each other like neurotic cats. You see, each was trying to get under the other so as to shield herself from the wasp. In the midst of the tangling of limbs, I managed to seize today's Life! and used it to cover my head. My sister screamed again, realising she had nothing to protect her, and made a mad dash away from the dining area, towards our balcony. I, feeling abandoned and exposed, screamed and ran after her. All this happened within 4 seconds max.

By then, my maid had come out of the kitchen thinking we were attacked by vicious creatures. My sis and me, at the balcony, by then doubling up over our laughter, pointed to the window and cried, "Ada benda kat situ!" translated into English, "Wasp! Wasp!"

The poor creature, probably tired of all the noise, was already out the window.

Brunch was half spoiled. We couldnt stop laughing after that.

***

Birdiecracy outing was fun yesterday. Especially the Pictionary and Taboo games at Kino... Hahahaha. Was watching the video... couldnt stop laughing at some parts.. hilarious, I tell you...

DV 14 Part One is finally up on schnoogle. It's waaaaaaaay tooooo short. Although Part Two is coming, I think Part One is still toooo short!!!! I want more!

Ginny almost killed herself. Stupid girl. Pansy died. NO loss. Which means... only two more students will die!!!! Remember Cassie said three students will die by the end of DT? One down... two to go. I'm preparing myself for the worst - which basically means both Draco and Harry dying. Oh yes... almost started tearing at the part where Draco asked Harry if there were stars in the night sky because he couldn't see them!!!

Schooling in Singapore

Caught in the midst of this rat race,
Everyone wound up in this paper chase,
Your worth is measured by the distinctions you scored,
The more the better, the more you’re adored.
But really, nothing, nothing will ever be enough,
Who cares if getting where you are was tough?
Anything short of perfection is scorned,
And anything less than the ideal mourned.
Now perfection is all well and good,
And I would be perfect if I could.
But this endless academic quest
To hoard As in a paper treasure chest –
For what purpose, for what aim?
For security, for fear of shame.
Because eight As will be dismal compared to nine,
And six and seven not at all fine.
Throw your interests out the window,
Math and Science are all you need to know.
You see, pursuing your passions is just too risky,
And to falter would be all too easy.
Who cares about gratitude or humility,
Courtesy, sincerity or generosity?
In this race it’s every man for himself,
Keep up those As, or you’ll be left on the shelf.



I say this should be published in the newspaper. Speaks for all Singaporean youngsters.


Anyway, The Last Samurai was FANTASTIC. I loved it. It's another movie where I can appreciate the fighting scenes.

Back from collecting results. 6 points. Sad B3 for Malay and Lit/SS. Hm. But happy overall! I can stay in RJ. :)

More INFP thingys.

You birds will laugh your heads off at this. I swear.

INFPs feels tremendous loyalty and commitment to their relationships. With the Feeling preference dominating their personality, harmony and warm feelings are central to the INFP's being. They feel a need to be in a committed, loving relationship. If they are not involved in such a relationship, the INFP will be either actively searching for one, or creating one in their own minds.

Oh man... I need to get a grip with reality.

Today's THE big day. In an hour's time, I'll be off to meet dearest 409 and we'll all, in the words of Evelyn, "gan cheong" together till they hand the dreaded slips out. I don't exactly know how I feel. I'm not that nervous... but I think it's because I'm making myself not think about the papers and the specific questions which I found hard to answer. And I guess my poor memory helps... Can't remember anything anyway. My nervousness is somewhere deep down inside... I'm deliberately suppressing it. I do not want to be hyperventilating the whole day. I just hope that when I'm in the hall, all that suppressed energy doesn't burst out... I'll faint.

Will come back later today to post about my results. But maybe I won't. If I'm too depressed, all I'll do is sit at one corner and think and cry and think and cry and think and finally get over it and come back to reality. Hope that doesn't take too long because I have tons of homework for Monday.

Hm. Been reading about my personality type again. Apparently, I'm the Healer type. I should be the healer... not duck. Hee. Very accurate account of INFPs here...

Healers have a profound sense of idealism derived from a strong personal morality, and they conceive of the world as an ethical, honorable place. Indeed, to understand Healers, we must understand their idealism as almost boundless and selfless, inspiring them to make extraordinary sacrifices for someone or something they believe in. The Healer is the Prince or Princess of fairytale, the King's Champion or Defender of the Faith, like Sir Galahad or Joan of Arc. Healers are found in only 1 percent of the general population, although, at times, their idealism leaves them feeling even more isolated from the rest of humanity.

Far-fetched as it may seem, it's really quite accurate. I think I have this too idealistic view of people. I think that everyone is good. How can they not be? We all started as young children, innocent and pure. So doesn't it mean that everyone, deep inside, wants to be good? Even Hitler, say. He must have been a normal kid. Extremely smart, of course. But something happened that made him do certain things. Wasn't it something about his father...? Can't remember. It seems to me like he was taking revenge on the Jews for hurting him or something... Hm. The weird thing is that I always feel that these 'bad guys' just need a good talking to, to realise their bad ways. That is why I'm more and more certain that I want to be a psychologist.

Yay! INFPs are such great people! Joan of Arc!!! I'd like to sacrifice for my beliefs if it is required of me. I don't know if I'm brave enough. But I'd like to. Actually, I've always dreamed of playing a big part in defending Islam... the way it's being prosecuted these days... so saddening. Hm.

And you have no idea how alone I feel sometimes.

OMG.... this description is just too accurate for words. I have to log off. Feeling extremely depressed. INFPs have such sad lives.

Link here.
Link here too.

Had to type this in. INFPs are talented writers! Let's hope my O-level English essay impressed the markers... I need my English A1!

INFPs are usually talented writers. They may be awkward and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they're feeling on paper. INFPs also appear frequently in social service professions, such as counseling or teaching. They are at their best in situations where they're working towards the public good, and in which they don't need to use hard logic.

Lately, I've been thinking... about my future. Now that we're all in college, I've realised we're a step closer to entering the real world. And I was still clueless about what I wanted to be. Do I really want to be a doctor? The long hours...? All that gory blood? And cutting up of dead bodies? I thought I wanted to... But I don't know anymore. I'm thinking... that maybe... I'd like to do psychology. If not, then biological research.

I checked my personality type and it confirmed that popular careers for INFPs included psychologists and researchers. YAY. I know myself.

OMG. I just typed a whole entry but all of it vanished with my clicking of the 'POST' button and the simultaneous cut-off of my internet connection. ARGH. Feel like screaming. This is NOT my day.

I am so terribly exhausted.

It's funny how... at some points of time, certain things can seem so fun and at other times... they don't. How extremely strange life is. Sigh.

Throat hurts badly. Manu claims she passed it to me.

I see my entry is going to be an accumulation of chopped up sentences. What a horror. I have lost the ability to write simple continuous paragraphs. Argh.

Today's bio prac was the first time in which I understood what I had to do. Did it with Jean cause Jessica didnt come to school. Ate the oranges which we didn't squeeze. Delicious... though Jean claimed her's tasted bitter. Must have been contaminated by the DCIP solution thingy. Heh.

Have work to do but am deliberately pushing it aside. It's always HOMEWORK, HOMEWORK, HOMEWORK. Singaporean students have no life. Partly envious of Jiawen. I would love to have the opportunity to learn in a different sort of environment...

OMG!!! Smallville is coming back!!! On Tuesdays at 10 pm!! Thank god it's 10 pm or else I wouldn't be able to watch... it'd be too late in the night. Yay!!! Can't wait... two more weeks!

Ran 6 rounds yesterday. Almost died on the 6th round. Really. Felt like collapsing on the spot. And all the boys had to do was jog two rounds. TWO. Tell me where the logic comes in here.

Went for photog outing today. Was fun as a whole. People were nice. Games were a bit dead though. Tried to play polar bear and I had to explain. I tried to be the village head but we kept mixing up the hunters and polar bears. So funny. Took photos at Bugis. Liked my senior's SLR. It's so light!!! Obsession over digicam and video cam has restarted. Yippee.

Oh, went to Cassie's blog! She compared Lymond and DT!Draco. And the topic of heroes came up again. It's really quite funny. Don't you notice that most drool-worthy heroes are those that suffer? The kind of man that's hard outside but soft inside? So true!!! The essence of Lymond and Draco. And many others actually. Here's what Cassie has in her blog...

"Female readers are almost always attracted to male characters who get hurt a lot. They just are. And Draco does get smacked around a *lot* in these books. He gets ferret-bounced and hippogriff-slashed and pimp-slapped and seriously hexed. And that's just the sort of thing that female readers -- and particularly adolescent girls -- really go for. It's why they think Harry's so sexy too, I'd warrant. It's because they're twisted little featherboa wearers, each and every one of them."


However, I resent being described as a featherboa wearer. Never worn a feather boa in my life. And never thought of canon Harry as sexy. Yeuch. But... DT Harry? Yes. DT Draco? Need you even ask?

"And JKR must know this. She *must.* I mean, even Draco himself -- who's really rather stupid, honestly -- is hip to this dynamic. Just look at how he responds to Pansy in PoA, when she asks him if his arm hurts. Draco knows the score, all right. A macho "Nah, not really, don't worry about it" just isn't going to win you any eros points from an adolescent girl, unless there's one heck of a wince accompanying it. And Draco knows that. To get the adolescent girls crushing on you, you have to be hurt...yet still doing okay with it. But not *too* okay. Not really okay down deep inside. Just marginally okay. Okay for now. Okay, but tottering dangerously on the cusp on not really okay at all."


I was bouncing up and down my chair at the accuracy of this observation. I confess! That is what makes Draco and Lymond sooo endearing to me. Suffering with manly dignity. *melts into goo* How Draco just smashed his one and only antidote... *wheeee* How Lymond refuses to fight his brother who absolutely hates him and who wants him dead... *swoon* How Draco stood up against the wall to hold himself up when he felt weak, but pretended there was nothing wrong with him... Until Hermione had to say, "Draco, is that wall the only thing holding you up?"... And even then, he frowned at her for asking him that, and tried to stand up on his two feet... for two seconds, before finally collapsing. Aaah!

This is what is termed, according to Elkins, the author of an essay on this topic, the "Hurt-Comfort" Syndrome. I have all the symptoms. And I don't mind it one bit.

Changing the subject, guess what? I'm acting in malay drama for arts feste. Unbelievable. This is so not me. Just proves how desperate they are for actors, really. The play's a version of Cinderella. And I'm the prince's mother. I don't think my part is very big, thank god. I'm just worried about forgetting my lines and being intimidated by my tall "son", considering how many scenes I'll be doing with him. I'm too short to be the prince's mother. ARGH!