Finished with bio paper.

I am surprised at how my SAT essay fared. I don't know... How do I keep consistent in my writing? I write crap within half an hour, I get a high score. But I painfully write GP essays, and barely get over 30 each time. It's darn hard. I think I have to take SAT 1 again, see if I can get a better score. My critical reading was atrocious. But thinking of the four hour paper is... exhausting. Why does the test have to be so long??? Blah.

I am a slow person. I confess. Everything I do just lags behind. Be it responding to someone's call, laughing at a joke or getting it. Doing homework, studying, everything! It's like, I'll plan to stop reading at a certain time, but I'll only stop at least 15 minutes after said time. Or I'll plan to stop studying at 10 to watch Desperate Housewives, but I'll end up missing the first part of the show because I stopped studying later than I planned. I just never follow my own plans! Maybe I'm half-sloth. Or, of course, am so ill-disciplined, it's disgusting. I really wish I was duck sometimes.

And long overdue birthday presents.

I hate learning about sewage and sludge and filtration and making clean water and such. It's so mundane! It's the same thing for almost every process (filtration again and again) that I get things mixed up. The thing I find, weirdly, amusing and entertaining though, is memorising the names of those bacteria. I think I like learning names. Maybe I should go learn taxonomy.

Am still obsessed about Les Choristes. Have succeeded in downloading half the soundtrack (I think) and the songs are stuck in my head. Gosh, his voice is just magic.

Why do I easily get obsessed over things? It's both a bad thing and a good thing. I become really happy and occupied, but then I forget all about being practical and responsible.

Bio in two days. I won't bother writing the same things I always do when exams and impending doom is in sight. Ugh.

Celebrating Mamu Ghulam's birthday today. I find it strange. But whatever - it's a nice gesture. Something we should have thought of doing earlier.

Love Les Choristes! Bought the vcd already, and am now thoroughly addicted to the music. Endeavouring to download the whole soundtrack, and maybe buy it still when I see it around HMV. And Maunier has a gorgeous voice I could listen to for hours and not get bored. And am consequently learning some french. Nice.

You are Poetry.You are often the most emotional of the arts. You
are introverted, in that you tend to let people
come to you rather than trying to get their
attention. You get along well with Music and
Literature.

What form of art are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

How nice.

Anyway, I've found a nice place to get book icons! I think some of them are really gorgeous. There are even Lymond ones. Lots of HP, Discworld, LotR and there's Narnia too.
Here: http://www.livejournal.com/community/book_icons

I think one can do a lot through sheer force of will. Problem is...

Oh, how frustrating. There must be something wrong with me.

SAT scores. Oh, disgusting. And it's all my fault!

My verbal is disgusting! How. How. How. I don't want to pay and sit for it again! It's not cheap. And those bigshot universities always require 700 and above for everything! Except for Princeton, which requires 680. Of course math is relatively okay... Although I should have gotten at least 790. Maddening!

This is what I get for not working as hard as I should. Blah!

Watched Batman Begins last night. I think this batman movie finally explained a lot of unexplained things to the non-comic-reading audience. Slightly draggy at certain parts, but overall, satisfying.

So that's why he's BATman of all things. And oh, that's why Gotham City's all dark and gloomy. And oh, no wonder there are so many baddies in Gotham, all with their own silly ideas of costumes. And I think it's so cool how he disguises his voice. And the whole invisibility thing. Christian Bale did good. And Michael Caine is just so funny!

Anyway... I was thinking, should I believe in signs? There have been instances when signs have been proven true, for me. (Like the time when I picked up the pebble at Giza, and it actually tumbled out of my hands by accident, and Abah saw it and went like, "Hah?! You're going to bring that home?" and gave me a you-better-don't-I-think-it's-a-bad-idea look, but I ignored him and look what happened.) But... if it's true, then, that God does give signs as warning (I think the Quraan sort of supports this fact)...

Oh no. I lost it, I lost it. I must be the evilest person on earth. In the first place, how could I have lost it? It seems almost planned. I can't even recall the last time I saw it. And it happens just so... aptly with the situation, you know. Oh no, I must be really evil. I have damaged things for good or something. Oh no.

The good thing about keeping an account of your life is being able to observe how you've changed over the years, if you have at all. I have two different sources for this: my blog (which isn't that much) and my private written journals. Everytime I go back to reading old, old entries, I marvel at how... lighthearted I sound. How terribly innocent, sometimes. (How deceptive.) How naive. But it saddens my heart just how much... sadder my entries get as I grow older. Well, there are those occasional happy entries, but the frequency of depressing events is higher at this age.

Am looking at a blog entry dated November 22 2002. When birdieocracy was only beginning to take shape.

"Went to Suntec just now with the two birds - turkey and duckie. Bless those two fluffy things."

Back then, my life really revolved around HP. How very amusing. I knew everything there was to know about the world. I am still, somewhat, a master of HP, but not at that top level anymore, if you get what I'm saying. And I seemed a lot happier. Despite everything.

I don't know if everyone experiences this: that one moment during your childhood, when something just snaps and then... nothing's the same. You don't feel as carefree anymore, you start thinking more and the realities of the world start piling on your chest. I remember that day like it happened only yesterday. I think there was this roaring in my ears. And I remember gripping the table hard, really hard, and staring at my knuckles till they turned white. From then on, I think, I had become the 'me' now. As though my consciousness begun then, at that point. And I haven't grown or changed since. Well, not much at least.

By the way, read DV 16 Part One. Nothing much happening. But made me cringe initially. Look at my previous post and look how I posted about new DV chapters in the past.

OMG!!!!! I'm about to burst with excitement!!!!!! DV 11 will be coming out in less than 3 hours!!! Eeeekkkk! ~ dated December o2 2002.

Mad. My enthusiasm has dropped considerably.

DV 16 Part One is up!!! Omg.

Red Sea

Rehal (holy book rest) arching over the road as we left Makkah.

A black woman beggar, with her baby strapped to her back. So poor thing.

Masjidil Haram, miniature version, at the museum.

Gua Hira'

View of Masjidil Haram from outside our hotel. Lots of construction going on in the background.

Maqam Rasulullah. The famous green dome.

Sis and me, in front of the doors to ladies section of Masjid Nabawi

I thought this was a nice random photo. Haha.

The walk to Masjid Nabawi (Prophet Muhammad's mosque) from our hotel.

The outermost gate of Masjid Nabawi

Got back today afternoon. Almost didn't make it back because my name was on the waiting list, and I almost didn't get on the plane. But we all eventually did, and came home to welcoming relatives at Changi Airport. Hugs and tears and kisses and all. As is typical.

I don't know where to begin or even what to say. It was a very personal, self-changing experience. And now that am back, there's a feeling of aching loss, much like the feeling after leaving Egypt, just slightly different. I didn't sleep much, ate less, prayed a lot more and read a lot. Bought The Noble Quraan, an English Translation. I think it's fantastic. And some things in there quite scared me, or rather reminded me and consequently scared me. I'm scared, scared, scared. Baitullah is just... breathtaking. Not in its size, not just in its beauty (it is a beautiful sight)... but more of... how, you know, it is the centre of all things important. It's where we face everyday. And there you are, you know, looking at it. Indescribable. And Madinah is just nicely peaceful and calming.

And there, you feel humbled. How small you are, amongst the masses of people, all seeking the same thing. I am scared.

To put things on a lighter note... there were a lot of cute babies! Soooo cute. Everytime, I wish they'd come near enough for me to pinch their cheeks or something. And I saw a BLOND boy, about three years in age, wearing a jubah. Sooooo cuuuute. Oh, and it's incredibly hot. We were walking along in the scorching heat, and there was this digital thermometer which said 41 deg. Celsius. We laughed at it, because you know, it seems incredible. And as we walked, we'd stop by zamzam (holy water) dispensers and quench our thirst. And oh, you know what, the shopkeepers can all speak malay, albeit a very limited version! haha. They'd go "Murah! Murah! Lima rial! Lima rial!" Quite a number of beggars. I climbed hills. Saw the Red Sea for the second time. Ate kebabs. Found out white tiles remain cool in the scorching heat. Had aching feet. And had, overall, a very fulfilling experience.

Will post photos for your viewing pleasure and for my own keepsake.

I'm posting from Changi Airport! Ahah. Our airport is so good.Am sucking on a strepsil... Ami Man and family are still taking their time coming through the gate. 4o minutes to take off. Flight is at 5.20 pm. Will probably reach Madinah at sunrise tomorrow. Hm. There was a delay of 5 hours just now... We were supposed to go at 12.20.

Am excited. Lots of people sent us off... Nekmah, Cik Nah, Salman, Mamibi, Ami Ali, Adel, Ami Yusof... :)

Iqah says: HI!

There's a time limit to this internet usage... I have approximately 10 minutes left.

Till next time.

Leaving in an hour. Will be back next tuesday afternoon. I'll pray for all you who have asked me to, Insya-Allah. Yes, yes, straight As, 2 S distinctions... (: Happy studying while I'm away! Birds, help me ask about psych stuff at the UK counselling session thingum, ok? Don't miss me too much. Eheh.

Kenny Hill Cast. I couldn't get them properly... Haha.

Me and Aisyah, backstage.

Mayat Cast and Directors: Me, Aisyah, Fairuz, Rudy, Azizul, Hazmi and Hadri

I've been so busy! Finally, I can spare time to blog. I've taken a break from ironing my clothes that am about to pack in my luggage...

Drama's over! Although we didn't have a full house (3 quarters), I think it was still okay. I think people enjoyed it. I'm happy. (: And I realise I miss drama rehearsals! Seems like madness cause when we were having rehearsals, I was so tired and I remember having to drag myself out of bed every morning. And travelling so much to and from school. And stressful times of ticket selling, and being afraid that we were not ready yet. Times when we can't remember lines for mayat. Haha. And video editing. And the boys freestyling the script, which was hilarious. Our movement exercises. Bloopers. And me being called ShamB. And eating together. So fun! And now it's all over.

Friday night, we decided to have supper, which wasn't that great an idea, although we eventually did eat. Went to Thompson to eat crispy prata. We sat in a dark corner, with lack of tables and crawling roaches and people were constantly taking photos. Zul was looking sad... and it turned out it was because drama was over! Aw. Which made me sad too. After gorging down my prata, I took off, because it was midnight. And Abah was being cranky already, waiting in the car so long.

Got into bed at about 1.30 am, but couldn't sleep till 2! I kept thinking about what happened and which parts the audience laughed at. It took me so long to fall asleep. Had to wake up at 6 am for SATs, which I was completely unprepared for. I was so sleepy, but I sat for the whole four hours of it anyway. And after that, went to celebrate Pigey's birthday! Got her a couple of things including a nice doggie bangle. At 7 pm, when I was eating topless 5 at swensen's with the birds, Umi called and practically yelled over the phone for me to get back. I know, I know, I've been coming home late every day of the week, but I haven't seen the birds for ages! So I had to cab home.

And today, sent Ami Omar and family off at the airport. And tomorrow's our turn! Wah. My life is so hectic.

Forgot to say that I figured the R word. (During RP's Daisy, when I was reading Turk's L notebook and she wrote 'Rosemary'.) Meano birds. You exploit my easy trust, and niceness. How could you??? Mislead me like that...

Moved to PAC. So no more disturbances. I like the carpet. And the changing room, backstage. So... professional, the feeling.

SAT on sat. Help help. Am dead. What am I doing, doing the SATs? Like I'll go to a US uni. I'd much prefer UK. And what are the chances, at the rate I'm going, I'll get to go anywhere? Ah sigh.

Think my back will break real soon. -_- What with carrying heavy benches and doing weird pigeon-y positions that do nothing but endeavour to add to my back strain.