oh my heart,
this song
Tonight, I spent some time thinking again, how constant a need it is to grieve one's idea of people; or maybe, it's especially an issue with idealistic people like me. I'm waaaay better now than I used to be, but it's like one of those cyclical lessons in life: not to expect love the way you want it to be. Or at a simpler, more micro level, to have people be as considerate as you feel you would be or could be. But damn, I'll always have bad days right, when I can't take it anymore and can't someone else just suffer instead, just for once, for once! Why do I have to be the kind one, why. Some days I'm just really tired; really, really, really tired.
I'm reminded of Lymond now:
"Today, if you must know, I don't like living at all.
But that's just immaturity boggling at the sad face of failure.
Tomorrow I'll be bright as a bed bug again."
And then I was mentioning to E, that this must be why we love heroes so much.
To believe that there could be someone
who was always kind,
always steady,
always to be relied on.
Someone I don't have to grieve.
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