this difficult space

I've been trying to learn patience...

the patience to sustain oneself in a difficult space,

trusting that as I keep calmly walking,

the way will appear.

Now be silent.

Let the One who creates the words speak.

He made the door.

He made the lock.

He also made the key.

~ Rumi

As you start to walk on the way,

the way appears.

~ Rumi

I'm reminded of the time E and I were sitting at dinner at Encik Tan;

and E (and perhaps me too, I can't quite remember)

was not in a good state; in retrospect, my gosh, that was

a difficult space. It almost brings tears to my eyes, just thinking

about how painful some things in this life are and how humans necessarily struggle.

It's one of those interesting conundrums: is it possible to be human and not struggle?

Fast forward to today, Alhamdulillah, I feel that whatever constriction there was then has gone. But then I realise, of course, life is a series of expansions and constrictions, isn't it? Here comes the next wave in this life. (At this point, I actually paused and looked up expansions and constrictions in Islam, because I was sure it was mentioned in the Quran -- it is: 2:245 "God constricts (the heart) and expands it."; but a little further reading and my brain started melting trying to understand Islamic mysticism.)

Life is a series of constrictions and expansions.

Also apparently, your constrictions and expansions are proportionate.

A painful constriction is insya Allah a prelude to a cathartic expansion.

so S, it's just a difficult space for the moment.

Constriction is a gripping of the heart, an experience analagous to fear, but far more intense in that it is an experience of something immediate, in the present. Expansion is a dilation, a feeling of peace or well-being, again intensified down into the immediate present.

...

These two states (constriction and expansion) arise after the servant has risen beyond the condition of fear and hope. Constriction is to the master as fear is to the beginner. Expansion is to the master as hope is to the beginner.

~ Qushayri, Early Islamic Mysticism by Michael A. Sells