please be brave

💜

I would love to be at a table with these two people,

just listening to them talk. In fact, that's exactly what Russell Brand

let's us do -- except I think the full podcast isn't available in Singapore! guh.

don't let fear consume you.

I thought that I'd conquered a lot of fears and demons in recent times;

but then the other day, I caught myself deliberately choosing not to be vulnerable;

in the situation, it felt perfectly okay for me not to be fully honest or not to reveal my deepest feelings. but in doing so, I projected an image of unflappability (successfully or not) and of an iron-nail-strength-independent woman. in that very moment, wonderfully, thankfully, I became aware of my doing this. 

And it made me pause. It is not that my being strong was false. I had very strong opinions and a clear sense of direction about what needed to be done and where my boundaries were (said vehemently added to the overall effect). The situation will not faze me. However, my lack in expressing my feelings of fear and sadness and disappointment and dashed hopes with regard to the situation contributed to that false dichotomy that strength must be devoid of fear and sentiment. As though the heartless Iron Lady stereotype needed reinforcing.

Don't, S. Soft front, strong back, remember? True courage, as we've heard repeated, is not the absence of fear but the acknowledgement that something else is more important than fear. Why then do I feel the need to be emotionless to do scary things.

Just go in, guns blazing, screaming, ohmygod this is so scary!!! 

(I'm picturing Dean Winchester as I typed this, haha.)

I'm terrified but I will --

I'm afraid you'll hate me but I will --

What if I fail, but I will --

What if I die, but I will --

do what needs to be done.