picture in my mind

I've been seeing things, and the world, I feel, quite differently now.
There is a shift.
This seems to mirror my internal shift when I turned 21.
(Except this feels more earth-shatteringly different. Or maybe it's just proximity.
Give it time.)
Is this what's going to happen to me every decade, I wonder.
If so, Alhamdulillah.

I am reminded of this:
God turns you from one feeling to another
and teaches by opposites,
so that you will have two wings to fly,
not one.
-- Rumi


And I've also been thinking that the essence of privilege (in this world at least)
is not having to contemplate certain things in life
and go by your assumptions without questioning them ever.
It's the thing that leads to subtle racism, subtle elitism, subtle sexism.
(add more -isms to this list if you can)
Subtle because blatant mistreatment of others does not require such an examination of our own behavior; we can easily tell when something is blatantly unjust. (You don't pay someone less just because their skin is darker than yours, duh.) But those subtle things? It requires an examination of yourself and all your assumptions and all the minute little behaviours you engage in. Be ready to embrace shame, and acknowledge all your flaws -- that is, if you want to level up.

I am learning this, and it is so hard.

I am reminded of something else; once, during an NUS USP Human Relations class (years and years ago), we were asked what values we felt mattered most in a person. If you pause to think on this, it's not that easy a question to answer. But I do distinctly recall everyone, myself included, having open-mindedness as an essential trait. It was kind of amazing that we all concurred on that. That an essential attribute in a human being is a receptiveness to information, a receptiveness to feedback and perspectives, and essentially, a receptiveness to truths. Because if you don't have this basic trait, what hope is there of change in you for the better?