picture in my mind

Coming down with a horrible cold. Kenit sister passed on her overseas germs to me. :( Cubaan.

I have to do a sharing thing this coming week at APEX. :s I don't want to become a kancheong little spider, but I am already fretting.

Shaykh Abdal Hakim Murad on Gluttony, Fasting and Eating Less.



I try to be rational, but I don't know if it's working.

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Ehehhh, this piece is cute and all too true for me:

Why do twentysomethings always feel so old?

I think the reason why twentysomethings are so fixated on age is because we feel a pressure to be a certain way at 23, at 25, at 29. There are all of these invisible deadlines with our careers and with love and drinking and drugs. I can’t do coke at 25. I need to be in a LTR at 27. I can’t vomit from drinking at 26. I just can’t! We feel so much guilt for essentially acting our age and making mistakes. We’re obsessed with this idea of being domesticated and having our shit together. It’s kind of sad actually because I don’t think we ever fully get a chance to enjoy our youth. We’re so concerned about doing things “the right way” that we lose any sense of pleasure in doing things the wrong way. Youth may be truly wasted on the young.


For instance, the fact that I've been at APEX for 4 years makes me feel so freaking ancient. (And was the excuse to sabo me for tazkirah sessions -- "You've been here 4 years you know!" haiyoh.) And new mentors seem to get younger and younger. Everytime I chat up a new member and we're like, "Oh, what are you doing now?" or "Where are you studying now?", and GOD, they are so kenit, and I brace myself when I have to explain that my goodness, I technically already have a degree. And I have said, "I am far, far older than you..." to more than a couple of juniors.


Except that... not really right! I'm not that much older. It's just this skewed perception. Maybe.


Age is relative. The definition of "old" is always just a year away from where you are now. The definition of "young" is the falsely remembered ability to do things you can't/don't want to do any more.