I am sitting at coffeebean as I'm wont to do after my therapy sessions, and trying to ride this rather negative emotional wave that's made its round to me again. My emotional peaks and troughs are not that consistent anymore; in some ways what's left of it throws me more off-guard; there was a time when I knew my valley was coming because the time of the month was as well, and I would arm myself with self-affirmation mantras and social strategies that would tide me through. Now that I've caught brief glimpses of emotional freedom and stable highs (never knew such things could exist), I feel like the schedule is all messed up. This current wave -- the timing is all wrong. It's knocking me sideways, and I see the trigger, and it knocks me further down.
Come on, S, you can do this. Onwards and upwards!
It's okay to feel like you've messed up; life is messy ne.
It's funny, and possibly sad at the same time -- here I am wrapped up in my cocoon of pain trying to metamorphosise, and then I am told I apparently scare other people in a team (mostly men who are older than me, whatttttt); they were afraid they wouldn't know what to say when confronted with my questions. What! was literally my response to the team leader telling me this over the phone.
Guys, humans! however it may seem on the outside,
I'm really struggling too.
Can we all struggle together so life doesn't seem so hard?
It's like that common meme or something right; there are days, like yes, I'm super-pumped and driven about doing things right and doing things well, and going for the big things, and good things. But then there are many, many other days I just want to be a slug and bingewatch Outlander on Netflix and marvel at Jamie Fraser, you know? That's kind of what I really want to do right now.
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