picture in my mind

I had a little epiphany tonight: I realize that, no matter how justified, no matter how right I was in my anger, it never felt good in the end. The cause of my upset might even still persist; but my let's-assume-thoroughly-justified anger only serves to exacerbate the negatives. It truly does nothing to improve the situation. I find that in the end, it's not worth the fall-out, or the hurt feelings of the other party. Which leaves one with the question of having to still deal with injustice... but perhaps in the wisest, kindest, and best possible way?

I think it's like that thing about integrity I read about before:

If you fail to confront, you will lose.If you confront poorly, you will also lose.
So, you must confront, but confront well.

That means that the truth-telling side of your character
must be integrated with the loving and caring side of your character.
When you show up to deal with a problem,
you must bring both of them together.
Confront the problem, but in a way that
preserves the relationship and the person.

Honesty without love is not integrity.


I think we spoke about this too, just yesterday at book club: people in general (or we were thinking Singaporeans the worst of the lot, haha) have such an issue telling others clearly and honestly about a problem. Instead, when we see something we dislike or hate or frown upon, we call management and make a complaint, write a letter in the papers, gossip and backbite etc. etc., instead of just telling the person in question, "Excuse me, could you _____? It really upsets me." And the problem would be settled then and there. Instead, we go around some crazy bush and stir up issues greater than the original, and in the worst case scenario, we have a war on our hands. We all hate it, when it comes to us in some roundabout way that we did XYZ wrong or such-and-such person dislikes us; so let's be honest and kind from the get-go. Have the kindest and most generous assumptions of people, and tell them when they're stepping on your toes. Don't step on my toes, okay? You can stand this close, but not on my toes. And I hope people would do that in return, so I can also, say, "So sorry, I didn't mean to step on your toes!" It comes up again and again, how true it is, that true compassion and generosity can only be sustained with the clearest boundaries.


La taghdab, la taghdab, la taghdab.
God, help me be kind and strong.