picture in my mind

Recently I clicked on my older blogposts

(and realised ohmygoodness, my uni years seem a lifetime ago now),

and rediscovered Monkey Majik;

and seriously,

this is one of my favourite songs of all time.

this will have to play on my wedding day or something.

(or after my funeral is over,

somebody play this song to remember me).

if I had wings on my back

I would deliver

overwhelming joy to you right now

Just that term, overwhelming joy, or  better in Japanese: afuredasu shiawase -- that concept is so beautiful, and I think is borne basically from gratitude; the music video does try to depict that. The funny thing about deep joy, is that it usually has to be preceded in some way by deep sorrow; and the bridge between? Gratitude, I think.

I gushed about this song about 10 years ago, and here I am doing it again -- because I feel happy just listening to it, and the message about happiness and gratitude is even better. A million purple hearts to Monkey Majik for amazing music. 

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜 (+999 993 more)

Also, as I browsed the thoughts of my self in my early 20s, (amidst the cringe-y fangirling and the incessant study-ridden lamentations) I occasioned upon awesome nuggets:

"I was on the bus home today, and I was just daydreaming out the window as I am wont to do, and literally felt my anxieties deflate in size. Because again, I'd learnt to take perspective. And I realise that hey, so what if I don't take the supposed obvious route to supposed perceptions of success? I am truly, truly content with taking my own little steps at a time. Yes, I have my weaknesses but recognising them has helped me grow. And that as long as I know my own worth, then it doesn't matter at all. Because God would know me too. (Better than me, I should say.) It made me smile, just thinking that.

And that all I have to do is give my best."

~ September 15, 2009, S.

I actually recall this bus moment vividly.

Alhamdulillah, moments of clarity and peace in this world are hard to come by.

I'm proud of my younger self, mostly; 

and feel like this older version of me needs a kick sometimes,

as a reminder.