picture in my mind

Actions are by their intentions.

This is so distressing.

The saving grace is that there are actually men like Shaykh Hamza who show sincere concern about this subject. Watch the lady with the shoulder-length hair, and her body language; she's probably had a lifetime of distrust of men and hence put Shaykh Hamza in the same box; and obviously Shaykh Hamza being who he is, calls her out on it gently toward the end of the exchange, and the tension dissipates nicely before it's all over. And though I cringed at her behaviour toward him throughout the interview, I get it. I get her. She has probably had a whole life of being dismissed by men and immediately put down for being vocal about her concerns, the Malay community being what it is (what a terrible woman! a shameless woman!) -- so that the expectation of any men being sincerely for the cause of women is non-existent; that kind of man is a rare species she has had little to nil experience with. Some people wonder why women love Shaykh Hamza so; seriously, you can wonder? I don't know another Muslim scholar who shows this much sincere empathy, concern, and true admiration for women. Women have never felt so truly and visibly appreciated by a Muslim scholar in contemporary times. We can tell the difference, when you preach to us out of condescension or out of love and respect.

And it is through my awareness that men like Shaykh Hamza can exist, and through my faith that the Prophet s.a.w.. would for sure (confirm plus chop) be on women's side, that I don't become resentful or reactive to my faith. That I am able to redirect my confusion or frustration to the right things; Islam is blameless, pure, and just. Terrible people corrupt its image. Small and weak men bring misery and oppression to women; real men are not threatened by strong women.

And here's the thing, and though I'm making somewhat of a sweeping statement here, I believe it is true: that feminists are born from disappointment with men. It is in the nature of most women to serve and be mostly content with behind-the-scenes jobs; to learn, grow, and function in small spaces not seeking glory; but just because we welcome the supporter and cheerleader role does not mean we welcome disrespect in equal measure. What, just because I'm your supporter, I'm less intelligent than you??? Because I concede to take on the domestic work and child-caring, I must be of less worth than you strategizing military campaigns? Feminism takes root when femininity is not respected by men; when men think that the natural work of women must surely be less than theirs and therefore by extension, women must be less (and since women are less, we shall then give them less); when women then realise that they have to fight for respect and for rights, and start clamouring for men's spaces to win that respect. As a collective, men themselves have led to the rise of feminism. If men had only loved and respected women for who they were, we wouldn't have women going out of their way to prove their intelligence, strengths, and capabilities. I do think that even the most extreme feminist is in reality hoping to discover that a man who respects her wholly, and who is then worthy of her respect, exists in the world.


And I am reminded of Marthe -- hardcore 16th-century fictional feminist -- who softens in her anger, having finally met a worthy man in her half-brother, Francis:

"... You see," said Marthe. "I am not here to mock. I have worn out my revenge. You have guided me into a world which has been closed to me all my life. You have shown me that what I hold by, you hold by and more. You have shown me strength I do not possess, and humanity I thought belonged only to women. You are a man, and you have explained all men to me..."

His eyes were closed, nor did he give any sign that he had heard her. Marthe smiled, and moving closer, laid her hand for the first time on his. "Francis. It is morning. Come and sleep."

-- Pawn in Frankincense, Dorothy Dunnett

Ohmygoodness, the sweetness of this sibling scene 💜  Marthe deserved more happiness.