I have another Arabic test tomorrow -- completely unprepared for;

because I really can't seem to squeeze in study time in between the other necessarys of life.

incessant discipline problem.

S, these are words of advice... 

given by Mudaris haha, because he is random.

your life is not a korean drama.

chillllll.

Outside, "reality" existed; outside there were streets and houses, people and their institutions, libraries and lecture halls -- but in here there was love, soul; here, fairy tale and dream dwelt. And yet our life was by no means cut off from the world, in our thoughts and conversations we often lived right in the midst of it, but on another plane; we were separated from the majority of people not by frontiers but merely by a different way of seeing.

-- Demian: The Story of Emil Sinclair's Youth

Herman Hesse

1919

This speaks to me so much right now. This is my dream future.





Outside of the fact that I have sped through this book on account of BTS; on its own, it really resonates with the psyche's inner voice (well, at least with mine).

Kim Namjoon, you boy genius, how did a bookworm like you end up in a boyband.
You're making waves.

This book is intensely introspective, philosophical, and both reverent and irreverent of the sacred at the same time. He exalts Jesus, as well as Nietzsche; the message appears to be: it doesn't matter what you believe at the moment -- as long as you continue to sincerely seek truth, and grow.

Anticipating the music album now.

Subhanallah.

After today -- supposed to be an off day -- my head aches.

When you hear about the shocking lives of other people; the crazy problems they have; the irrational and completely silly things people do; the lack of simple virtues. I'm like, whyyyyyyyyy. Why are there such people in the world. What's happening.

And then, I'm thinking, Alhamdulillah. In comparison, I think I am a fairly decent human being. Insya Allah, Allah and Rasul s.a.w. guide me always. I am in need of Your Guidance.

All I worry about are stupid silly things like clinic training tomorrow (Again! GAHHHH -- whatever, S, just do it. So what if you're not great at it yet; insya Allah, some day you will be.) And whether I'm wasting my heart away as a single woman -- but looking at the state of things, never mind lah. My worries are peanuts. 

Some day, when I get married, it will be with my whole heart and mind, insya Allah. Anything less appears to lead down a crazy road.

I actually have an arabic test tomorrow and I need to study! But I need to post something first -- because so upset.

And I need to assure myself so...


S, don't worry; here are why being an idealist is awesome:

- you believe in a world of possibilities, not stuck in the mundane and now

- you are brave because you dare to give up something tangible for something possible (hence the cliched phrase daring to dream)

- you have hope in the bleakest and most dire of situations; some people then say, that's too idealistic! well boohoo to you, you give up, I haven't.

- being able to do all of the above means you have an amazing imagination; be thankful for a great mind

- you inspire others; because you earnestly and honestly believe in something bigger, in miracles even. you need idealism to be a therapist. (I especially hate hearing some therapists say things like, "this one cannot make it lah." ohmygod, shut up!)

- you have chosen the harder path; it's not stupid, it's brave. you're not stupid, you're strong. the people who put you down only reflect how weak and cowardly they are.

- you are willing to make sacrifices for your ideals

- someone who holds to ideals is someone with scruples; why would anyone want to be otherwise?



As E and I often lament, people fail to put rigour into their thought process; it is infuriating. I am also reminded of Imam Ghazali, from one of Shaykh Hamza's lectures, who always felt that people rarely brought their arguments to their absolute and final conclusions -- because if they did, they would find truth.

The rain and the lack of umbrellas
resulted in an unexpected impromptu tea time with Datin S after work today.
More days should be like this.

The talk flowed over everything. Into everything.



Like the fact that I had to confess my love for BTS; they have me wishing I was 10 years younger so that I can be a proper fangirl -- I'm almost 30 and I can't help but be impressed. As far as I can tell, this group is almost perfect. I am not new to boy bands. I grew up with them. I have loved them. There was NEWS. There was Yamapi and the rest of the entourage that was JE. There was Arashi. and Big Bang. and being distantly appreciative of DBSK.

But this group, objectively-speaking (as much as I can be that is haha), has the potent combination of an Arashi-dynamic and Big Bang-quality art and music; and then they went and added one more unprecedented element that sealed my love for them -- their music incorporates literature. I am almost rendered speechless; how can so much awesome be wrapped up in one unit.

The first time, I had to keep replaying a rap segment in disbelief -- I was like, did I hear that right? Did Murakami's Kafka on the Shore just appear in a kpop song? 

and this under-rated short poetic one here --

And now, it appears that an entire album of songs will be based on the themes of Herman Hesse's 1919 psychoanalytical semi-autobiography, Demian -- that is now safely downloaded onto my Kindle. How awesome is this. How is it that a musical act is making me read a book? I wish so much that they were here when I was 19.

The level of symbolism that is in these videos 

(i.e. concept trailers of their upcoming album release)...

O.O

I was going to do a rant and lament about the bleakness of some things, post-endless discussions with E this past Sunday --

but then I feel so tired, and sad --

so I think I'd rather post these instead.


"No matter how big your problems may be,
just place them underneath your feet,
do not leave them in your mind and your heart,
for every problem will surely depart."
-- Shaikh Omar Al-Khatib

Selawat Fatih
Oh Allah, bestow Your Blessings upon our master, 
Muhammad, the one who opens that which is locked,
and the Seal of what had gone before,
the helper of the Truth by the the Truth,
and the guide to Your Straight Path.
Allah's blessings be upon him and his family,
equal to his immense position and grandeur.


N had passed little compendiums of daily prayers around our Arabic class this past Sunday. (because A had asked if she had anything good for her to recite, trying to deal with terrible colleagues and office politics)

Can I digress a little and say how much I love my Arabic class -- It's going on four years now (almost) and everyone is just so quietly dedicated, tolerant, sweet, supportive, and fun. And at the end of the previous class, I went around to every lady classmate and asked if they were gonna continue on for the diploma -- and it looks like a yes -- please God. I instigated each one of them: continue, okay? we need a complete class to keep this going!




Ya Rasulullah, thinking of you puts a coolness and calmness in my heart.
Let me rely on you.