picture in my mind

Fandom Talk (and a bit on my past life crisis.) Haha.

I can't stop or deny anymore. Unconsciously, bit by bit and over time, I've scrawled on my wish list: "Attend a JE concert." And I am fully aware this might never ever come true. I wonder what my past self would say to the me now. I'd probably think I was nuts, not to mention - wrong in so many ways. But I can't help it. :S JE just makes me happy. Happy happy happy. I think there's some truth when people say Arashi should be prescribed for depression.

Duck was lamenting how we're probably past the age for fangirling. No fair, I say. Why should there be an age limit. I think there are fangirls who are 60 years old, and it's fine. :) It's called being fans for life. I have this concept of a fan being forever a fan. I mean, I'm still an HP fan, right? I may not be stalking websites like the Leaky Cauldron anymore, but I still love HP. (It'd break my heart if someone said I didn't deserve to be an HP fan, haha.) If you truly like something, it'll always be special eh, in its own way. Be it a book, a movie, a celebrity or a guy.

Part of the reason JE became such a big thing for me was probably cause it came at the right time. I was having a life crisis at the start of last year. My dipping emotional well-being had reached the ultimate low. Only a few people know, I guess. It was a breaking-down-ready-to-drop-out-of-school-and-run-away life crisis. I was trying desperately to get off the bandwagon that is the life science industry and I just felt so ill-fitted, everywhere. (Story of my life. :P) It got so bad that I had to fight tears while riding the train to school.

It's hard to say how I did it. But I overcame this. And it has been the greatest personal triumph of my life. Bullocks to all the stupid exams I've aced in my life. Why couldn't I have had life lessons like this earlier? Why couldn't I have had my eyes opened earlier? As I've often discussed with Eunice, why aren't we ever taught the right things??? It's like finally, after reaching the lowest of the low, my perception shifted. And I started to see things differently. The glass is almost always half-full now.

Looking back - my gosh. 2008 was a great year. Haha, JE of course. APEX. Internship stint. And I think I made a boatload of new friends. And I truly started to cherish my old friendships and my family. I've always loved my friends. Always, always. But last year, it just hit me hard how fortunate I am. Some people think it's rather pitiable how I don't have that big a social circle and how, even now, I find it hard to get company for say, a trekking trip. (Am going for the Endau-Rompin trip with Muslim Society in May!) But I have a tight circle of best friends and my god, one million people wouldn't be able to replace them. Just knowing this has made all the difference.

Let's just say that when I was climbing up the hill from my pit of depression, I bumped into JE. :P And my gosh, JE will always be special this way. Listening to Arashi's crazily inspiring songs like 'We can make it through' and watching NEWS wo Abake and stumbling on Nobuta and discovering how much I could laugh and smile at all these silly things, just affirmed the fact, that hey, you know, life is great! And that it's not about hitting jackpot or scoring goals or getting it right (which is what I've been agonizing over all my life before) although they're bonuses; but it's about the little things like a friend's smile, a good family dinner or an email filled with spaz.