picture in my mind

EXAM RANT

Been berating myself about the way the first two papers went. For my Protein Structure paper, I couldn't recall silly things like the PHD method and whether an alpha helix would register positive or negative signals on the chemical shift index. Not to mention that by the time I got to Part B of the exam, I was running short of time and started panicking and answering things in a horribly slipshod manner, and the last question killed me good. Was supposed to figure out the amino acid sequence and I just @_@. FAILED. I couldn't. IT KILLS ME. Because I figured out the sequence during the CA test but for the finals, I just SUCKED. What is wrong with me.

The Stochastics exam yesterday was possibly worse. I thought, at the end of it, I could perhaps scrape a decent grade, then I talked to Yiping and realised I'd answered the entire last question wrongly. -_______________- I understood that it was an irregular matrix and therefore the limit distribution didn't exist, but apparently, the matrix did converge to a certain value at infinity... and I actually wrote that the matrix didn't exist?! How could I be so dumb!!! Of course, the matrix existed, I was calculating it halfway. I was almost ready to tear my hair out in frustration despite my tudung, okay. Yiping looked really apologetic too, like it was his fault I'd answered stupidly, haha.

EEEEESSSH. Nobody makes me angry like I do myself.

Finally completed Code Blue.

So yes, after wallowing in misery for a bit, I finally watched the last episode of Code Blue. Okay, it doesn't come close to being my favourite show, but I have to say, Code Blue was a good show. The finale actually made me cry! The theme was so relatable, I suppose. Especially during this exam time. Fujikawa finally got to attend to an emergency via Doctor Heli (the helicopter service, haha) and was all fired up to prove himself a capable ER intern. But after it all, when he went back to the hospital and was alone, he called his mum and had a teary conversation about how the only thing he could think about were the people he couldn't save. He couldn't recall anything else. It was the saddest thing. It's like, he finally got to do what he wanted, but he felt like he couldn't do enough.

I suppose I sound incoherent (I'm not in the best state of mind for blogging, I think). But it's true eh. It's not so much the destination that matters, but the journey.

Okay, should try to get back to studying.

Also, am stuck on Tegoshi's rendition of Sunadokei. 8D His voice is so awesome.