picture in my mind

Have fallen terribly sick. Bones aching all over. Throat feels worse than sandpaper; feels like spikes.

I had a dream once where I had fallen terminally ill. It was some heart disease that was seemingly incurable. The doctor was left with few choices of treatment and told my family that one option was to have a surgery (memory of the details of this evade me). There was a 50% chance that I would not survive the operation. So naturally, my parents were worried. But I remember being completely calm and relaxed about this. I wasn't afraid to die. I thought about how good I've been in life (mostly), so I was sure hell wasn't my destination. And I had my unshakeable faith. Allah would not forsake me.

But when the day before the surgery arrived, I woke with a new terror. Suddenly I was afraid. And it was because I realised I would miss out on so many things in life. I haven't seen Scotland, haven't driven a car, haven't gone to uni, haven't fallen in love, haven't mastered arabic, haven't reread Lymond, haven't been to Nikki's Indian wedding. The list goes on. It was during this dawning of realisation that I woke up. Was so relieved. What's left now is to do all those things I thought I wouldnt get to do.

Bird outing next Sat! Yay. And Casanova on Fri. Nice.