The goal of classical self-education is this: not merely to "stuff" facts into your head, but to understand them. Incorporate them into your mental framework. Reflect on their meaning for the internal life. The "external things" -- be they Platonic philosophy, the actions of an Austen heroine, or a political biography -- makes us more conscious of our own "reality and shape". This, not mere accumulation, is the goal of self-education. The journal is the place where this learning happens.

-- The Well-Educated Mind, Susan Wise Bauer

So many goals, too little time, limited self-discipline. But I will try hard, I will I will I will, insya Allah!

This was shared at one of our speech therapy inservices recently.

It filled my heart with fuzzies.

Selamat Hari Raya!

Raya has been good! Our house is new in many ways, so when we had our guests over, there were tours hehe, and showing off new bathroom tiles and expensive foam mattresses and double-decker beds and 55-inch tv screens.

But above is my favourite corner in the entire house -- painstakingly created by my sis and me, that took hours, I tell you. Hours. It consists of: flowers painstakingly selected over ++rumination, Irada Sticker Art after ++anguish over which to select and regret for not sending over our own ni'al version to be customised, MWPP Marauder's Map (gifted by A and S from HP World in the US), Aroma diffuser (Tulip flavour), tiny pink wall clock with white border, Abah's old wooden shelf, the wooden "breathe" word art J gave me from one of her overseas trips, and our most current reads nicely arranged by order of height. We took so long arranging these items so that it'd look perfect -- seriously, hilarious to recall. We'd put something and then stare at it from a distance to see if it fit perfectly and then alter a miniscule bit and stare again -- repeat x 100. The time you see on the clock is in AM -- that's when we finally got done with this on malam raya. I'm surprised I could still wake up for prayers on raya morning.

I'm so happy with it now. *beams*

Some updates in life -- here they are:

* I have got myself a Kindle -- and it is one of the best things I've ever bought for myself in my entire life, really. How did I take this long to get one of these! It's amazing to have your entire library with you, in your handbag -- and it can also store PDFs, so I can read my journal articles for work and therapy. And it has dictionary functions and a cool paper-like screen surface, that can be adjusted to read in the dark. LOVE IT. This is a book lover's dream -- I thought I would miss the feel of paper, but no. No. No. It has been wonderful.

*I have started actually training others at work -- I couldn't believe it at first. Like wow. I attribute it mainly to the fact that most of my seniors are not interested in language clinics (as opposed to more medically-based clinics like feeding, swallowing and voice) so then it brings the expertise down to my level. We're also going over to mainstream primary schools to share expertise -- the career-driven part of my soul is trying not to burst from over-excitement and jubilation. But Subhanallah, I'm realising it now -- how Allah has put me in the right place despite all that inpatient nightmare. I've always wanted the mainstream school thing -- always, since back in my NUS days. Subhanallah, this is another example of how I should always trust God. Thank You, thank You, I love You.

*Match-making has entered my life in full-force. I am not even joking (okay, maybe I'm exaggerating). But -- ohmygod. What is with all this! Just -- God, I want to get out of all this crazy. Just -- let me marry someone who loves You, who loves me, and who I love. End.

*I have made some great and true friends at work -- and boy, does it make a whole load of difference. (:

The family traipsed over to Swensens at the airport for sahur (i.e. our pre-dawn meal) at 3 am this morning.

Of course, I'm blamed as the instigator who woke everyone at 2.30 am -- but didn't we have a good time! :P heeeee. I love that my family does unconventional, spontaneous things like this.




This Ramadhan overall has been lovely for me so far. It really has. I haven't been superb with the worship, but I feel like I'm concertedly working to improve some little things. It's the small but consistent increments that pave the way to greater things, right? Insya Allah.

I pray that my heart stays peaceful and trusting the rest of this month and beyond, through whatever uncertainties this world presents.

Ramadhan is zipping by -- do you feel it? Everyone keeps saying how fast it's going, and before we know it, Syawal will be here and this precious time is over.

Going through mentally and emotionally stressful situations right now. Alhamdulillah that it's Ramadhan so that it takes away some of the anxiety. Really, if only every month was like this one.

Ya Muqqalibal qulub, keep my heart firm on Your deen, and in obedience of you, and in the love of Your Prophet s.a.w.. Ya Muqqalibal qulub, incline my heart toward your decree. Let me trust wholeheartedly that You will take care of all my affairs better than I could ever imagine, Amin.



On a side note -- been attending really awesome classes on my weekends, and something that Ust. F said has been scarily ringing in my head: if you have been learning and gaining knowledge, but it does not manifest itself in real-life improvements in you -- then know that Allah is distancing himself from you. In other words, if you gain knowledge, but do nothing to apply it -- you're in deep trouble.

GASP. My sis and me looked at each other and we were like -- O.O omg SCARY KOWAI. We will strive hard, okay? Insya Allah!

It's been a while!

June 2015 shall go down as possibly one of the busiest I've ever been in my working life. As teachers start enjoying their holidays, therapists start to go nuts with the workload -- because holidays mean... extra therapy time! Ugggg. I am running group therapy almost every day, it is exhausting. On the upside, my work units (i.e. a measure of productivity -- IKR, eee, systems) are through the roof this month. It should pull my appraisal up for the next financial year.


Outside talk of work -- it is a week to Ramadhan! And I am sort of feeling panic settling in at the back of my mind because I am tired and lethargic every time I get home, and I don't want to clean -- but our house is still not clean. Specifically our bedroom is still way far from the dream room we've been planning. And I am just... tired. And not sleeping well.

ohgod, I should just sleep. Ramadhan is comingggg, terawihhhh.



But before I do (because I've taken to watching loads of John Oliver these days) -- you've got to see this; something hilarious, and maybe really should be done in Singapore too, because how can we be apathetic about politics and governance with such crazy, cutesy things representing the important things of our nation? Then I won't keep mixing up MFA, MSF and MICA all the time -- acronyms are the worst. They actually might be a real ploy to prevent us from really caring about what these ministries are doing, ahah.

ok good night! Friday is here!

Ah, I finally watched the final Rurouni Kenshin movie!

seriously.

Himura Kenshin. why you so kakkoi.

The last installment totally had some of the best fight scenes. This one with Sojiro is pretty awesome -- although, in my head, Kamiki Ryunosuke always triggers memories of Kyu from Tantei Gakuen Q, and I get nostalgic, fuzzy feelings of fangirling days instead, ahah. 

Ohmygod -- he was so small last time, and look at him now.

I really wonder if it's my dad's influence that got me and my sis being able to appreciate action movies this much. Beautiful fight scenes are beautiful. And for me, sword fights are the most awesome. I've just got this thing about swords -- don't know when it started.
Was it from... Lymond? Draco Trilogy? Hard to say.

This is timely -- 

I was just thinking yesterday, it's true,

how we really see things as we are, not as they are. 

(A line I think is credited to Anais Nin?)

God, help me see things as they are. 

As much as it would benefit me.

I'm addicted to this super-catchy song!

Running Man leads me to this, can you believe it.

All it takes is for you to be really into just one thing in any culture,

then sooner or later you get sucked right in.

I credit my knowing loads of things in k-world just from Running Man.

Sohibul Isra', ya Nabina

Sohibul Mi'raj, ya Nabina

Wa ja'alna ma'aka, ya Nabina, ya Nabina

Dunya wa Ukhra, ya Nabina.

(:

The reason I bought into the whole charm bracelet fad 

(not knowing how wildly popular it is, really) -- 

was so that I could have little meaningful gems like this.

Apple of wisdom from my friends.

And lapis lazuli on the extreme right -- wonderfully gotten by my sister and mum.

What ties the fool to his body? somebody said.

A promise.

I shall send gems of lapis lazuli: I shall make her fields into vineyards, and the field of her love into orchards.

Philippa.

-- Checkmate, The Lymond Chronicles

I talk about missing JE, Pi-chan, NEWS.

But Arashi, you are just something else.

Arashi, you amazing special thing.

At this point, it's like, if you don't know Arashi 

-- your loss, your loss.

---

One of my father's friends/teachers commented and implied, more or less, that perhaps the reason I wasn't married was cause I wasn't thin enough. (Not that I recall, honestly, having met him anywhere within the vicinity of the last five years, for him to have made a fair judgement.) The sad and infuriating thing about this is the fact that it was an honest piece of advice. So okay, since it was a sincere gesture, I shall take it. I am always aware that I should definitely weigh less than I currently do.

But isn't it disappointing? That what would compel a man to marry appears to be skin deep? Why do some men say such things without thinking about how it reflects on them? So I make myself so slim and drop dead gorgeous, and then I get married.. and I live the rest of my life knowing that my physical appearance was the factor that clinched me my husband? That's terrifying.

What this idealistic heart of mine would like to do is, sure, make myself physically slim and beautiful, for a man who would marry me even if I were a... big blob of slime, say. What is that I hear? Is that you calling me an idealist? Well, I did say I was one, didn't I?

The great thing about this whole thing is that I realise it elicited in me only a mild hurt and annoyance. And fairly brief too, to top it off. (I think I am maturing, and growing up, yay! Well, I have turned a year older, haven't I?) I believe that the reason I am still not married, lies not solely in the fact that yes, maybe I'm not thin enough (or tall enough or pretty enough), but rather a result of the confluence of the following factors (or more): (i) lack of physical allure (sure, let's get that out of the way, shall we) (ii) not having guy friends + history of knowing only how to befriend girls in a girls' school (iii) not having enough Malay/Muslim friends (iv) being quite the introvert therefore not placing myself in social situations (v) lacking general social communication skills and not actively seeking out prospects (makes me wonder half the time if I should do therapy on myself) (vi) being interested in strange / weird / obscure things and thence being hard/too weird to relate to (vii) being too intense / serious / (pseudo-)philosophical at times and scaring people off (viii) being supposedly too smart -- whatever the heck that means; trust me, I feel stupid at work every day; unbelievably, it has been outrightly commented on more than once by guys, how my being smart is a problem (one of my friends tried to set me up and the guy said, "Oh no, she's smart?" -- jokingly, but still) (ix) God wants me to learn something by being single (x) I'm a unique snowflake and God's keeping my matching unique snowflake partner somewhere in this world until the time is right.

Wow, that's a lot of reasons. But being the idealist that I am, and though I concede reasons one through nine and shall try my bestest to improve -- this heart is banking on reason number ten. The good thing about being idealistic is that usually, it comes with being the kind of person who can keep faith pretty well. Hence, thus far, I have found a way to function and not be bogged down by negative talk and vibes from people. And also, even if things don't turn out favourably and I struggle with this for a long time -- it's a small struggle compared to what women around the world and in history have had to deal with.

Women struggle with a lot of things: (i) neglectful husbands (ii) being second/third/fourth wives (apparently very common thing in some Arab places) (iii) being pressured to have kids when they're not ready / struggle to but can't (iv) being labeled or perceived as stupid / ambitionless just cause they're homemakers (v) being labeled heartless / cold / lack femininity / too ambitious if they focus on career -- we all have struggles, right, men and women alike. Waiting for my Mr. Snowflake doesn't seem anywhere near the biggest of these struggles. Come on, S. And this is why, I always pray, God, make me bigger than myself (and my silly little worries).

So. To bring this crazy rambling to a close -- I'm glad that people jibing at my personal situation does not affect me so deeply. insya Allah, what I need in this world will be provided for.

long weekends should be forever

Happy Labour Day! And hooray for the long weekend.

It's also my birthday weekend so I'm looking forward to celebrations, hee. (: Though I've already gotten lovely wishes, and presents.

It's a happy time, Alhamdulillah.

God, keep me grateful for every day.

I have more words, but let's save them for another proper blog post.
A good one is long due.

---

This! is so super nostalgic to me right now. 

I think I used to know the lyrics of this song by heart! 

Gosh, I've forgotten how well Tego can sing -- 

and I have missed NEWS. JE. Yamapi.
(yes, in accordance, I have restarted shipping yamaki -- true love never dies, right.)

What is love?

It's you.

It's been a while!

Lots happening -- including the fact that I have been somewhat homeless for the past week, due to our home being turned upside down for renovation purposes. The family is scattered, and I'm currently bunking at my aunt's place and adhering to stricter house rules than I'm used to, like having to switch off the wifi when we're done. Our wifi at home runs 24/7 non-stop, seeing as how no one knows what a decent hour of sleep is supposed to be.



Anyways, been meaning to blog for days -- of the many things that's worth mentioning, there's this blog that I have taken to devouring, thanks to my brother's random link the other day: The Burning Blogger of Bedlam. It's basically an excellently-written blog that compiles tidbits of news from the world-over, and presents them in a clear and rational narrative, that makes perfect sense. It is both amazing and horrifying -- amazing in the sense of ohmygod, the amount of independent journalism that's out there that we don't know about because it is not publicised in mainstream media (and this blogger is only one of many, and I've yet to slowly discover them all), and horrifying because the picture that is clearly painted is not an encouraging picture of the state of the world. The amount of evil that exists, it's seriously scary. The writer always offers balanced statements and views, and is measured in his words and presentation; at the same time, it isn't dry, but engaging -- and I credit this to his obvious love of pop culture (i.e. films, music, and comics/literature), and apparently he does make a living as an author of some sort.

The thing is, all the news information is out there -- as evinced by the jagazillion links he makes reference to. But because most of us don't have the time to dig them up, much less piece them together so that they make sense, we don't see the big picture. We're utterly blur and so busy with being made to slog for the system (which, don't you see people? it's part of the plan!), we're happy to swallow the stories that are sold on mainstream media. But see, mainstream media is often lying. And I really don't think it's being extreme or controversial anymore to say that. Mainstream media is often lying.

I'm so glad it doesn't take a Muslim to see how much hypocrisy and blatant lying there is out there. It's far too obvious, even if you exert the littlest mental effort.

You know, for the millionth time in my life, I don't get it. It must be a sin or something to be an idealist.

Being idealistic is fundamentally for the young and to be proven wrong?

J and I are in Melaka!



Life has been chaotic in Singapore, but not in a bad way. The past few weeks felt like a marathon, both at work and at home. Finishing projects, clinic trainings, and the cleaning up at home in prep for some renovation. And the ongoing Hanen parent workshops that take up my weekends.

Finally getting some stillness and quiet away from normal life now, chilling in a poofy, comfy bed, waiting for J to get up so we can go for breakfast. I need these moments so that I don't feel like life is passing me by.

“Depict your sorrows and desires, your passing thoughts and beliefs in some kind of beauty—depict all that with heartfelt, quiet, humble sincerity; and use to express yourself the things that surround you, the images of your dreams and the objects of your memory. If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; blame yourself, tell yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its riches; for to the creator there is no poverty and no poor or unimportant place.”

-- Rilke

Watched the latest movie adaptation of Romeo and Juliet with my sis, and really liked it! It's just so beautifully done. The setting! The clothes! Romeo! Haha. And sigh, the language.

I have missed beautiful language. Makes me want to pick up a random Shakespeare text (or worse, re-read some part of Lymond for the umpteenth time).

This has some of the most beautiful sap ever in literature.

And no matter that we knew the ending,

we still screamed when Romeo stupidly drank the poison.

I mean, seriously. Annoyed me to the bone, the pair of them.

for true education

Put here for keeps:

notes

- We should be creating happy, motivated, creative human beings. -- This should be one of the major goals of education. I feel like most local kids don't have a single one of these three attributes. At least not the ones I encounter.

- Constant monitoring in schools -- how is this a good thing?

- Grading is useful for large classrooms so the teacher knows where a child is on the spectrum of learning, but it has become a label instead, with detrimental effects on confidence and actual performance. One-on-one teaching does not require grading systems. Alternatives to grading system: Pass/Fail (i.e. whether you got the topic/subject or not and move on, or you keep doing it until you get it, or... decide it's not worth pursuing and move on?)

- Expect children to be the best, and they will surprise you. Think well of others (of children), and they will respond in kind.

- Each person has different awakenings: spiritual, intellectual, physical awakenings -- so if a person finds it hard to get something at one point in time, they haven't gotten their awakening yet?

- Education is meaningless if divorced from the sacred.

- The socioeconomic class issue in relation to education -- so many issues. It's making me think of that time I was in California, Palo Alto, and learning about the multicultural environment there, and how some African-American communities insist in having exclusive African-American schools. In a school where they are not labeled as poor students based on the colour of their skin (consciously or not, explicitly or not), children do a lot better at school. They learn better. Also, being immersed in their own culture, as opposed to the mainstream white culture, helps them learn better as well -- because the learning matter pertains to them! We always underestimate subtle factors like this.

- The Flynn effect

- How are we defining success? What are we chasing, what are we making our children chase?

- Let children explore what they're naturally inclined to do, they will excel. Happiness is when one is allowed to flourish in what one is good at doing.

- When the food comes, put away the books. Be with the food. Why are we multi-tasking so much! Be present. We should get back to doing things well, one at a time. Multi-tasking is detrimental.

- Two people live in wonder: children and philosophers. -- Shaykh Abdullah Bin Bayyah

- Boredom is important for creativity. We need down-time.

- St Thomas Aquinas: Every culture needs the people who do nothing but contemplate. We need them. They are the Socrates-es of our time.

- Why are you so afraid of losing your job? Make one! Employment used to be only one part of life.

- Also, I'm currently running Hanen parent workshops, and it's making me think about the 4P teaching process we use to teach adults, i.e. Prepare, Present, Practice and Personalize

Prepare = an experience that relates to the reason why learning something is useful or important
I feel like this is integral to create motivation for learning anything! Shouldn't we do this more with kids as well? A "prepare" strategy may show how a problem exists in the world, and therefore the need to address the problem. E.g. The world is polluted, and it creates a lot of health problems -- shouldn't we therefore learn about pollution and how it comes about? Of course, the trick as teachers is to "Prepare" in an impactful way.

Present = the transfer of information from a knowledge source to students
This is generally what most of us understand as teaching, or education. But even in the Hanen workshop, it says that we should spend only 20% of our learning time on this! And it is the simplest part of the whole learning process -- I'm thinking that if you were to tutor anyone, what's important is that, you "prepare" them for the content. After which, for the "present" portion, you could virtually leave it to the individual to find the knowledge source i.e. read up, research -- goodness, isn't this PBL? It was exactly what we did in my SLP course, which explains why I loved it so much and I feel it worked so well. And why not try it out for children or young adults? Let them build their thirst for knowledge! I feel like my time in RG had some elements of this, actually, and I pride on the fact that most of us we were essentially independent learners. If anyone asks me of my time in RG, I often say, we had relatively mediocre teachers (maybe an exceptional few inspiring ones), but we were essentially studying by ourselves. We mugged ourselves and we mugged well. The Present portion is the one that needs the least skill to execute.

Practice = applying what was learnt in the Present portion
This is where the teacher really comes in. This is the time when an individual's skills and knowledge are polished and refined, with help from feedback from the teacher. And mistakes are allowed; no, mistakes are necessary. I feel that this portion, which should make up the bulk of learning, hardly happens at all! D: Because, ultimately, this requires a lot of customized attention and feedback. It requires a one-on-one format, or at least a small group one -- and what teacher in our school system gives that? Sometimes, our really poor students will get it, cause they are so poor, we start paying attention. But what about the average kids and the potential-for-greatness kids? They don't get to polish their skills, when they should be able to! They don't get specific feedback. And mistakes aren't encouraged, they are frowned upon -- when it is necessary for learning.

I feel like I have had such poor or minimal experience of a true "practice" portion in learning, and it explains why training for my clinics in my adulthood is such a horror. I've always been an A student, did relatively well at everything -- I have had zero experience of anyone truly giving me tips to do better at what I was already okay at doing. I have never had tuition ever, either. The fear of failure is something I'm always still learning to overcome, I think.

Personalize = independently applying into real-life
This portion sort of circles back to the "Prepare" portion, and links the learning matter back to meaning and real-life. The teacher's role is to facilitate and assist the student, who at this stage should be quite enthused, in putting their skills out there in the world for a greater purpose. This is probably the most exciting part of being a teacher -- you realise that you had a little part to play in making something dynamic and awesome happen in the world.

Found some practical tips on how to learn language 

(I've recently revived my drive to get through Harry Potter in Arabic!):

-- and realised that, basically, all he suggested were speech language therapy techniques! 

hello. my profession is cool, if I can say so myself.

you don't need language parents. 

the best option is a speech language therapist 

to carry out language stimulation in a foreign language.

man, is this planting ideas in my head or what.