picture in my mind

this is such a great thing.

I've seen this guy's TED talk before, on this very subject i.e. toxic masculinity,

and it impresses me that he's doing things beyond just preaching!

ahhhh, respect.

When I think about what makes a man,

I think... the Prophet s.a.w.?

Generous, kind, merciful, soft, brave, strong, wise, gentle ++

💚

I feel like for Muslim men, at least they have a more obvious example;

for Muslim women, it's even harder, isn't it.

What makes a woman?

Should I be like Sayidatina Aisyah r.a.?

Sayidatina Khadijah, or Fatimah, or Asiah r.a.?

An amalgam of it all?

It occurs to me that an adjective that possibly unites all these revered ladies is strong.

Sayidatina Asiah had a horrid and evil husband who she defied behind his back!

Sayidatina Aisyah was a scholar and had no kids.

Sayidatina Khadijah was a businesswoman boss.

But it's funny what culture does and perpetuates.

People don't think about it, much less discuss it,

so the fact that these men are questioning things,

and trying to get to the truths -- goodness, it gives me hope.

If I work more than I socialise, am I less of a woman?

If I am not married, am I less a woman?

If I do not have children, am I less a woman?

If I don't cook, am I less a woman?

If I don't flaunt physical or sensual beauty, am I less a woman?

You could do the same list for a man, couldn't you? 

With all the attendant cultural expectations of a man.

But are they valid expectations?

Are the things that we generally expect and demand of human beings valid, fair, just?

It's my idealism talking (and why shouldn't it?):

shouldn't we let every human be human.

Shouldn't we refrain from imposing any mould or shape on a yet unmoulded individual,

and let the child flourish beyond the limits we limited adults impose on them?

It's like we're actually passing on our diseases down and down and down to our progeny.

Follow the child's lead. That's like therapy 101.

---

In relation...

People generally don't think about it much, 

but how we talk about other people reflects what we think about human nature.

How we think about humans.

Making conclusions about people -- that they're X, Y or Z (pick from your selection of adjectives: selfish, stupid, evil, weak ++) and giving up on them as hopeless cases, without taking into account their entire sociology: what family they were born into, what struggles they had growing up, who they have been encountering their entire lives etc. -- is, to me, a limited and myopic thing to do. Because you don't then get the big picture. You just very easily and simply labeled someone, and simplified your view of the world. It's very easy to do this. Hence, stereotypes. It's harder, when encountering someone who triggers you, to question why they're behaving a certain way, to understand their motivations and impetus for being so, and to react in a more loving and compassionate way, recognising deeply, the possible situations that resulted in the current presentation, and how you would have likely been the very same if you were in their place.

It angers me that we do this to each other.

I hate it; it makes me sick.

When I realise my conversational group is talking negatively about someone else,

it strikes me sooner or later,

goodness, you all probably say or think the same thing about me too!

Then I start to get unhappy. Then I think, we shouldn't make the absent person unhappy either!

Where is our integrity.

That's why backbiting is a sin. In Islam, it is likened to eating the dead flesh of your brother or sister. 

Don't do it, S. Catch yourself. Whatever you think, say, or write, do so as if what is shared will be heard by the party in question. It's certainly heard by God.

E and I were discussing this last night: that we should make the habit of confronting a person directly should that person exert harm in any way to you or others or the surroundings. Instead of just going somewhere else to complain and bitch, do the person a courtesy and ask or request how things should be different. That's called respect. Respect the person and consider that perhaps this person does things unknowingly or unintentionally (or worse, with good intention -- which puts you in hot soup spiritually); allow them the chance to do what would please you instead. Don't condemn others on the basis of your silly and myopic conclusions. I think in most, if not all, cases, your conclusions are wrong.


When asked "Who is the best Muslim?"
Rasulullah s.a.w. said,
"He is the one from whom Muslims are safe from the evil of his tongues and hands."