picture in my mind

I've indulged in some escapism for a while. As things mend for me internally, hopefully. I go on these long binges of any one thing, even work. I've figured if there's one thing I have in complete excess, it's inertia (which gasp, is proportional to weight! *facepalm*); when I start to really get into something, it's like a blackhole I can't get out of. Yesterday, I finally sat at the office to do some work and kept at it for hours and was unintentionally one of the last few to leave. If I think or say that I will leave soon -- give me at least 1.5 hours before I make a move. And when I binge-watch tv, especially korean drama, I am almost scared of myself; I actually get headaches from incessant watching.

I am aware it's escapism -- but I tell myself, for the time being. This is me taking care of myself, at some level. I hope.


So the current soma is this amazing slice-of-life korean drama called Because This Is My First Life. Calling it soma is wrong, I feel, because it's got such substance: I've cried so terribly over it, and it's not so much sad plot moments (although there were those too) but these overwhelmingly beautiful reflective scenes, that feel so unbearably real.

Multiple times while watching I wondered the eternal question, 

does life imitate art, or art imitate life?

It still has a familiar korean drama plot that makes you binge on it like candy (boy and girl with a fake marriage contract fall in love eventually -- overdone plot device you would think!), but add character depth and development, and beautiful, reflective dialogue, and there you have an absorbing, heart-wrenching masterpiece. And the themes! ohymygod, the themes of this story! Not to mention the not-so-subtle feminist undertones; genius. This drama is perfect to me right now.

Storytellers are geniuses. I've come to truly appreciate that truth as I grow older. The mastery and intelligence that it takes to craft the complexity of character and plot and language into art -- I have almost a reverence for it all.

I don't even know which part of this story I would say is getting to me exactly; all of it? I adore the main characters; they're full and fleshed out and unique. Themes of broken dreams, picking up the pieces of your dreams, reality vs. dreams, lack of belonging, friendship, owning who you are and facing yourself, love and what it all means, love vs. marriage, love vs. sex, family, eternal issues with your parents but they're still the most likely constant love you will have in life, and an overarching c'est la vie! It's okay, life is life, deshou. Heartbreak is part of it, pain is part of it, but so is joy, and hope, and we're all doing this life for the first time.

One of my favourite scenes has the pair of friends Ji Ho and Soo Ji talking as they usually do when any one of their group of friends encounter catastrophes in life -- and then afer Ji Ho spouts some nice, philosophical lines from a movie (The Graduate starring Dustin Hoffman -- I also dig the pop culture references in this show!), Soo Ji pauses and gets it, and just says, "It's hard, is it?" And Ji Ho just silently nods as tears start building up, and  my tears followed suit. Goodness, it was just so beautifully done; a quiet moment pregnant with meaning.