and this resonated (not that I'm on a death sentence at all);
but I think I understand the feeling of thinking you know something,
and then wondering later, typically amidst significant life experience,
what changed? I thought I knew it. Maybe I didn't really know it?
"Before my cancer was diagnosed, I knew that someday I would die, but I didn't know when.
After the diagnosis, I knew that someday I would die, but I didn't know when.
But now I knew it acutely. The problem wasn't really a scientific one.
The fact of death is unsettling. Yet there is no other way to live."
The only thing I can attribute it to is our human tendency to self-deceit.
Guys, we all know we're approaching death,
but we... pretend we're not? It's strange, isn't it?
It's like a psychological trick so we don't have to deal with the fear and the reality of things.
And another one from Brene Brown in Braving The Wilderness,
(something I shall have to learn by heart):
Stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don't belong.
You will always find it because you've made that your mission.
Stop scouring people's faces for evidence that you're not enough.
You will always find it because you've made that your goal.
True belonging and self-worth are not goods;
we don't negotiate their value with the world.
The truth about who we are lives in our hearts.
Our call to courage is to protect our wild heart against constant evaluation,
especially our own.
No one belongs here more than you do.
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