picture in my mind

Monday, January 11, 2016

Ah, I should blog, I should just blog. I used to fall to this a lot more frequently, a lot more easily, when I was younger. Because writing things, privately or otherwise, and saying things out -- clarifies one's own thoughts first, before it helps others.

The fruit of all the service that I serve
Despair doth reap, such hapless hap have I.
But though he have no power to make me swerve
Yet, by the fire, for cold I feel I die.

In paradise, for hunger still I starve;
And, in the flood, for thirst to death I dry.
So Tantalus am I, and in worse pain
Amids my help, and helpless doth remain.

Help me to seek, for I lost it there,
And if that ye have found it, ye that be here
And seek to convey it secretly.
Handle it soft and treat it tenderly,
Or else it will plain and then appear;
... Help me to seek

... I wis it was a thing all too dear
To be bestowed and wist not where;
It was my heart. I pray you heartily,
Help me to seek.

Reading this for God-knows-how-many-times-already, but today hit me differently, harder, than before. And made me want, in that very instance, to go home and cry into a pillow. But instead, I sat sipping a Mango macchiato at a KOI cafe, stared into space, and waited for a meet-up with J.

Then there are excellent comic moments that make me snort out loud, like when Nostradamus was trying to advertise his complexion cream:

"If used from the age of fifteen," Master Nostradamus said briskly, "it will preserve lifelong beauty and enable the skin at sixty to look as young as that of a twenty year-old. The contents are quite pure. Sublimate, quicksilver, rose-water, and the saliva of a young person who for three days has eaten onions without vinegar. Boiled, I may assure you, for the length of two Paternosters and two Ave Marias, repeated with reverence."

...

She sent for the pot of complexion cream. If one had to turn back the clock, one might as well begin systematically.

I'm trying not to be deliberately cryptic, really, but these are my thoughts, all jumbled throughout the day. Was it Walt Whitman the poet who said -- I am large. I contain multitudes. To put them all to coherent form and give commentary, is maybe to analyse prematurely, who knows. Besides, I don't think I have the mental energy. Let me just have them recorded, and some other day...

On a lighter note, put forth by the lighter aspects of my self:

It goes to show how far gone I am that I get how this is funny. This was AWEsommmmmeee! ohhhmygod. Unfortunately, unless you have enough knowledge of the history of this show, and the history of its members, this wouldn't be half as funny. And it shocks me again -- how am I this nut. Why do I so easily get sucked into things.

And Gary's latest music video has Jihyo in it --