I foresee this place coming to a standstill this coming month due to my being away. The exams have already reduced my posts to mere outcries of despair for the state of my grades. I hate that. I know I do it, but I do hate that I do. I'm feeling quite gloomy. (Physics was horrid beyond compare.)
I wonder if the theory holds; that theory that life offers you clues of how it'll all eventually turn out. Like if you're meant to be a superstar, your superstar qualities shine from whence you're born. You know, the way mothers always exclaim, "I always knew she was gonna be a star!" And if you're going to end up with a Nobel prize, then most likely you were a child prodigy and uttered oxyhaemoglobin at the age of three (apparently, JBS Haldane did say that when he was 3). And people can generally tell, it's almost an unexplainable gut feeling, how she will be super-successful, he will make loads of money, she will end up with the family of 2.3 kids and the 5Cs as well, he will work in parliament etc etc.
Actually, I don't know where I'm going with this. I've been hit by the gloomies because I feel like everyone at least knows what they're doing, cept me. And looking back at my life, it makes me feel more clueless than ever. My life gives me no clues. Do what my parents say? Yes, that's what I've been doing. After that, I don't know. Maybe I'll remain a dreamer. Eternal dreamer. I wish somehow that could work in the real world.
blah. I hope I get out of this rut soon and be my rare optimistic self. And it helps that I saw this quote today: "the strong follow the beauty of uncertainty". yes, I like to entertain the notion of my being strong.
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