Another birthday come to pass.

And this post shall be the last one in a while -- mainly because, I am off on a very long getaway with the family.



It always appears to me that I get a holiday precisely when I need it. Or maybe in reality, I always want a holiday haha, no matter the time. Regardless, this holiday is much, much needed, and planned around my birthday too -- because I think I need a reset button.

I've decided on something for myself. Or more like, I've come to terms with something, and therefore I see now what decision I have to make, or have already subconsciously made. This break from everyday work is so that I can take the time to look it in the face, stare at it, and accept it. And then ganbatte and brave through life.



(i) things worth having are things worth fighting for
(ii) you'll never be happy unless you fight -- a line from an old j-drama (said by Mizushima Hiro in Mei-chan no Shitsuji!) that has stuck with me
(iii) easy = boring, difficult = interesting, y/n?
(iv) I am least happy when I chicken out and take the easy way
(v) I like the idea that my life shall be about growing in courage
(vi) I like the idea that my life shall be about being authentic and true
(vii) I shall be an idealist and not be ashamed




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omgggg I was just about to publish this post but then at 12.30 am, my family all popped downstairs where I am parked at the table, to bring out a birthday cake -- 30 minutes late from the actual date (cause my dad got home late from his class) but still!

heheeeee. thank You again for the wonderful people in my life. (:

Thank you for all the lovely wishes! 

(including adorable voice mails from Qatar haha)

but my favourite today goes to...

Thoughts buzzing in my head, good and bad.

*Being realistic is the fastest way to mediocrity

*Been feeling increasingly certain that if I were to be granted any supernatural item/power, I'd want the invisibility cloak. seriously -- I feel like I could figure out better what to do, if I was just privy to more information, or able to investigate freely without any red tape or without anyone noticing at all. Just! I feel the truth of things is often so hard to get to and I just want to bypass all the layers of crap to the core of things. Because I need to understand! and I need to figure out things.

*Feeling really sad with myself because I'm realising I haven't improved much over the years. This must be partly attributed to the lack of discipline I have been lamenting in recent times? My problems are starkly the same. The same! And I am appalled and devastated at myself, reading old private blogposts and realising they apply now as they did then.

What is it that we keep hearing? History repeats itself because no one listens? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results? I don't know. )': I don't know what to do different. I don't know anymore.

*Desperate to make a change. Desperate.

*Which is why the Datin project is coming at the right time, insya Allah.

I want to sleep soon -- because there's work tomorrow and because I am trying to work on my discipline, but I really just have to come here and record this wonderful evening that I just had with Datin S.

That made me reflect in general, and now makes my heart feel full.


Alhamdulillah.

Thank You for amazing Friday evenings. Thank You for the people You've put in my life. Thank You for friends such as these. Thank You for my wonderful family. Thank You for the moments of gratitude. Thank You for the capacity to contemplate the blessings that You have granted. Thank You for making me feel excited for the future.

Thank You!

Today I mentioned to my friends how Nikola Tesla was basically real-life superhero -- he reminds me of Daredevil, or Spiderman. Because look at this:

(he calls it a time of nervous breakdown when his senses were at its acutest)

In Budapest, I could hear the ticking of a watch with three rooms between me and the time piece. A fly alighting on a table in the room would cause a dull thud in my ear. A carriage passing at a distance of a few miles fairly shook my whole body. The whistle of a locomotive twenty or thirty miles away made the bench or chair on which I sat vibrate so strongly that the pain was unbearable.

He probably had a sensory processing disorder! right? But which coupled with a high IQ allowed him to overcome via compensatory ways. Otherwise, he would appear like the typical sensitive autistic child maybe; screaming with the littlest stimulation.

He also described numerous near-death experiences from his childhood days during which he would save himself at the last crucial moment, when he conjured up an idea or remembered an important life-saving fact (he attributed this to his inventor mind): like the fact that pressure is force/area and so he turned sideways to prevent himself from being pushed over the edge of a dam while he went bathing in a river as a teenager.

An inventor's endeavour is essentially life-saving. Whether he harnesses forces, improves devices, or provides new comforts and conveniences, he is adding to the safety of our existence. He is also better qualified than the average individual to protect himself in peril, for he is observant and resourceful.

--

Unrelated or not, I was thinking today about people I admire. As a young person in the past, I have had friends say, and I was guilty of the the same thing, how such-and-such person is so awesome because they had A, B and C, and was awesome-thing-D, and awesome-thing-E. You know what I mean? Like we would admire people for being things or having things.

But tonight I was glad to realise for myself that the people I truly admire are people who do things instead, things that appear a feat to me. Like the father of a brain-damaged child I see, whose mother also recently passed on because of a road accident, but who still comes for therapy so religiously and shows such enthusiasm and dedication to help his child improve in any small way, that as therapists our hearts ache and we all surely secretly pray that this family gets a miracle after all the challenges that keep coming their way. My mother who does things for us every day of our lives is awesome too. Or the fact that fathers slog every day in the system to feed their families. The greater the challenge, the greater my respect and admiration. The fact that they keep doing, the courage it takes to just keep doing and keep fighting. That fills me with awe. This is probably why seeing people bask in the lap of luxury and not doing anything leaves a bad aftertaste in the soul.

And it's not that we all want difficult lives -- I don't think I can cope with such scary challenges. But that the point of life is that we should all the find our little ways to do things. It's like something I've heard before: that if you are not afflicted, then you should help the afflicted; otherwise God will visit you with an affliction so that you realise that this is the point of life -- to fight to become something of a higher substance. That life is work.

This reminds me of what Shaykh Hamza said at the Yale University talk too: that we should look at other people in terms of verbs rather than nouns and adjectives. It's what people do that matters, not what they are.

Just wanted to quickly update how I'm now reading Nikola Tesla's autobiography -- having had such a great experience with the autobiography genre --

and I'm seeing patterns with these great persons. (I suppose I need to read more autobiographies to corroborate these observations.)

Both Nikola Tesla and Malcolm X -- diverse though their fields and their roles in history -- have already two things in common that I've identified: (i) a ridiculous passion for reading, and (ii) unstinting discipline.


Malcolm X on reading:

Anyone who has read a great deal can imagine the new world that opened. Let me tell you something: from then until I left that prison, in every free moment I had, if I was not reading in the library, I was reading on my bunk. You couldn't have gotten me out of books with a wedge. Between Mr Muhammad's teachings, my correspondence, my visitors - usually Ella or Reginald - and my reading of books, months passed without my even thinking about being imprisoned. In fact, up to then, I never had been so truly free in my life.

"People don't realise how a man's whole life can be changed by one book." 

 Tesla on reading:

Of all things I liked books best. My father had a large library and whenever I could manage I tried to satisfy my passion for reading. He did not permit it and would fly into a rage when he caught me in the act. He hid the candles when he found that I was reading in secret. He did not want me to spoil my eyes. But I obtained tallow, made the wicking and cast the sticks into tin forms, and every night I would bush the keyhole and the cracks and read, often till dawn, when others slept and my mother started on her arduous daily task.

Me? -- though I may credit myself with a love of books since early childhood, discipline is like the last ingredient missing during my genesis or something. I am so horribly ill-disciplined, I really, truly frequently marvel at how I have passed through the institutions of learning in my life. Had I not been born privileged, into a family and environment that was conducive to my learning, I probably would have been a drug addict and wasting life away or something, ahah.

Challenge of 2016: I have been trying to (figure out how to) revolutionize my mind/body/soul so as to bring discipline into my life.

Tesla on discipline:

... I began to practise self-control. At first, my resolutions faded like snow in April, but in a little while I conquered my weakness and felt a pleasure I never knew before -- that of doing as I willed. In the course of time this vigorous mental exercise became second nature. At the outset, my wishes had to be subdued but gradually desire and will grew to be identical. After years of such discipline I gained so complete a mastery over myself that I toyed with passions which have meant destruction to some of the strongest men.

Friday -- (now oops already crossed over to Saturday) -- night! always my favourite time of the week.

I have thoughts thoughts thoughts but not the energy to articulate them!

But for some reason, I am happy tonight. Alhamdulillah.


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Simple non-heavy blogging (the kind I'm willing to partake at this hour) is related to dramaland of course, eheh. If you are in any way acquainted with kdramas, you would know that the current insane rave all over Asia, is this, Descendants of the Sun. I think every other lady watching dramas on the train, is probably watching this.

My thoughts?

- I am blinded by the pretty. I don't know anymore. This drama is so pretty I don't even know if I'm objectively following the plot, or just gushing at this insanely beautiful couple.
- Song Hye Gyo is proof that you can grow more beautiful forever. I actually think she is more gorgeous here than she was in her early 20s. What is her secret?
- Song Joong Ki is apparently making China girls contract glaucoma from staring at him for 18 hours straight on the screen. He brushed it off ahah, because he's modest... or pretending to be?
- Everyone loves Joong Ki now, dang it. And I thought I was the only one. I loved him way back from Sungkyunkwan Scandal, and I loved him in Running Man -- you all do too? D:
- Besides the people, the place is also so, so pretty -- I just found out Urk (where our protagonist soldier-extraordinaire and his love interest reunite due to coincidental work engagements) is actually in the Netherlands Greece! And the story made it out to be some war-torn, third-world, Middle Eastern/Eastern European location. -.- S, why are you so easily duped.
- Objectively though, I mean it: this show has some awesome plot moments. I feel like, yes, the story is centered on the fascinating, romantic relationship/dynamic between two rare individuals, but playing it out in this high-adrenaline, war-torn, humanitarian-effort setting brings some other really moving themes into play.
- I actually surprisingly enjoyed Chi Hun's side-story about him running away from a rescue task during the earthquake emergency because he was afraid for his own life, and then agonizing like crazy over it, and subsequently trying to atone for his cowardice. It's a very human thing, is it not, to have moments of cowardice like that? Because courage is a muscle too that requires time and practice to grow strong. I thought it was very cool how they tackled this concept via Chi Hun.
- Watching this drama has basically romanticised the army for viewers (and given disproportionate expectations of how gorgeous soldiers are, or how romantic, or how much free time they actually have while on a mission some place far). Also, it has made me think, falsely I'm sure, that joining some UN mission overseas must be one of the most exhilarating things to do, and that the likelihood of dying or endangering your life is actually low.
- Love Mo Yeon's medical team! It's fun to watch them get used to Urk and living with the soldiers. And then when they had to leave, I felt really, really sad too. It's like the feeling of leaving camp I think, and leaving a place that has given you a purpose, built your courage, and made you grow.
- This drama also seems to say: no matter your profession, you demonstrate honour when you execute your duties with excellence, diligence, and courage.
- Last but not least: this drama is not just heavy and serious because of the action and the war/disaster events and the I-shall-deny-my-love-for-you-because-you-are-mysterious-soldier-who-will-die-on-me issues; there are really adorable comedy bits too -- like this one:

I feel like I want to go on a camp or overseas mission or stg now.

Hm.