Chapter 17 of My Life

Sis...

More pictures at the beach. Those are my sister's legs, in case you were wondering... And playing at the beach was so darn fun! The wind was fantastic and the sand so soft. Of course, I didn't play soccer... but we played other stuff. Something the elders called 'jelun', which required two opposing teams to block and prevent each other from getting to one end of the playing area. Quite hard to describe. But it involved a whole lot of screaming and falling over, which was no problem since we were in the open and like I said, the sand was soft. Southeast Asia can be beautiful too, despite all the heat and sweat. Just go to the beaches... A warning though. It gets pitch black at night.

IMPORTANT NOTICE:

My guestbook icon has disappeared. Don't know how that happened. But if you have something to say to me, click on the comment button after each entry. Thanks!

I have managed to install bloggerbot in my new laptop! So happy. So pics can keep coming. :)

I'm much too distracted right now to blog...

Ladida.

Cracked seashell on a beach in Cherating. I like the way the grains stand out on the white surface of the shell...

I can't help it. I know I've read it before. But it's still so hilarious...

"Look, you whinging, pie-faced newt, this isn't about you, this is about me. Why would any girl go out with every boy on this campus, and yet neglect me, when I'm obviously the handsomest bloke at this school and in fact for several surrounding counties?"

"THINK A LOT OF YOURSELF, DON'T YOU, MALFOY? BOY, DOES THAT MAKE ME SICK."
"Does anything not piss you off?" Draco wondered aloud.

Harry paused and thought for a moment. "I don't mind Hedwig," he said finally, in a normal voice. "She's a good listener."

Draco blinked. "You're barmy, Potter," he said, in a more respectful voice than he'd ever used towards Harry before.

*

"WHY THE HELL IS MALFOY ORANGE?" he demanded of no one in particular. He glared around at his silent classmates. "FINE, DON'T TELL ME. NOBODY EVER TELLS ME ANYTHING."

" Mister Malfoy," Flitwick squeaked. "Ten points from Slytherin for upsetting Harry and coming to class orange. Now sit down"

Actually did some PW. Unbelievable. Sat in front of computer and crapped everything I knew about henna. There's something about the keyboard which makes my creative juices flow... Give me a pen and paper and I'll fall asleep. But give me my blogger account and there I go, typing away merrily...

Hectic day today. Got home and felt like I had been shredded to pieces. Felt that tired. Must have been all that PW. Must have been!

And there's chem mock SPA tomorrow and I have virtually no idea how to do it. And neither have I completed my tutorials for tomorrow. How is it humanely possible for me to do everyhing by tomorrow morning? And it's 11.26 pm now. Oh... why doesn't the school catch fire or something... Goodness.. that's a bad thing to wish. I take it back.

Janicia was one more from the group of stressed out people in school. (Hey, everyone's stressed out now.) She was writing a sort of timetable for tonight and I saw her assigning work for 2 am, 3.30 am and so on. And I couldn't help but exclaim, "Oh my god! Please remember to sleep!" And she laughed. Ah well. At least, I gave her some amusement.

And now I shall remember my own sleep. Whatever shall befall me tomorrow, let it be. I need to rest. Even my dad gets to sleep and I can't?! I only wake up a half hour later than he does and I get off school later than he gets off work.

I tell you, students are working 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. A 5 day week promised by PM Lee is pretty much impossible...

Everytime I visit Cassie's journal, I can't help but look at what all her fans are posting and saying and commenting. It is so very entertaining. And in case you didn't know, Cassie's going to publish her original fiction! I really, really am excited! She might still use Cassandra Claire as her pen name, but she says maybe not. Oh my goodness... I can't wait. And I don't even know what her story is supposed to be about!

The thing about Cassie is that... she knows a lot of things. She knows stuff. She reads practically everything, watches every movie or show worth watching... And she always manages to make any topic interesting. I read the characteristics of Draco and Harry list again... it's so sad... and funny too.

The reason I'm in front of the computer is because I'm supposed to be doing PW... But I really have no idea what to write... and everything else online is so distracting.

Wish I could be like Cassie. Sit at home all day and write. That's what she's doing now, apparently. And she likes it.

I want to write!!! I want to write! I need to write. I have to finish certain things... ARGH.

Yesterday's Teacher's Day was pretty interesting. Had ACES workout. Which is more or less a disaster... For the fact that practically everyone was backing away from the flagpoles, and people were running off to disappear somewhere. It really is very sad. I wanted to support those councillors but it still feels stupid to be doing the workout in front... But luckily, the girls in my class (the ones who actually turned up) walked up in front together. And did it together. Laughing throughout. But at least we did it.

Then there was the concert. The teachers were great. They put in a lot of effort, considering how much marking and SPA-ing they had to do already. And somehow I felt everyone was still not appreciative. Applause was half-hearted. There was no cheering for your teachers. It was all pretty sad. I miss the whole screaming your hearts out thing at RG. That was fun! Is it the boys? Are boys really that boring? And is it because the boys aren't enthusiastic, the girls feel they shouldn't be too? Or is it just the behaviour of 17 year olds? 'Hey, we're practically adults now, why should we be screaming like little kids'? It's all in the name of fun, WHAT! Grace is wonderful... She was the one who kept cheering on... I just wonder where all her spirit comes from. Ms Lo was so daring. Yes... she revealed the bimbo in her... Heh. And Mr McTay is simply amusing. I don't know... I think it's the way he walks, his expression or maybe how he seems to be oblivious to his surroundings. The moment McTay was announced, I looked at Nikki and she said, "Koory poof!" Hahaha.

After that we had the class party. To think that we were afraid there wouldn't be enough food. We had too MUCH! We kept donating to people. People kept popping into our room too, hearing about the pizza. But there was still so much left. We had two unopened tins of cookies, uncountable packets of crackers, one tray of brownie, 3 bottles of gassy drink and one box of pizza. Shafia said we have enough to last till half of next year. Haha. The biscuits are currently residing in Jean's locker.

And 10.40 am, me, addy and nikki set off for our respective ex-schools. Nikki, to cedar and addy and me back to qiaonan, not rg. Felt a bit guilty for not going back to my secondary school, but really, who am I actually dying to see? Truly, no one. Of course, it'd be nice to see some teachers... my cikgus, ms leow maybe, mdm yeo, who have been nice to me... But... I wouldn't know what to say! I mean, throughout my four years in RGS, I haven't been close to any of the teachers and suddenly I'm coming back and being all buddy-buddy and I-miss-you-teachers-so-much ing? Not bloody likely. If I had gone back there with Lilian and co, the most I would do is stand around and smile. A tag-along, in short.

So I went back to my primary school. It never ceases to amaze me how much one thing can change and yet how it still seems the same. The uncle who sells the drinks has a fantastic memory. He still remembers me and addy! He still does. Everytime I come back, he remembers. Bought a peel fresh drink like I always used to back then. The tables seem really small. Addy and me kept recalling all the food we used to eat... how delicious it was... and how cheap! The first stall now has halal tim sum! I can't believe it. The uncle there is the same too. And oh my god. The cleaner lady is the same.

Saw Mrs Choo, who besides her increasing number of white hairs, looks the same. When we came at 12 o'clock, she was still teaching. (They had lessons! Poor things.) So we hung around till 1.15 when they would be done. Saw Ms Chua, the music teacher. She has really grown older... Mdm Sutinah, Mrs Vera Tan (who doesn't seemed to have aged a day!) and Mrs PC Tan. She taught us Social Studies and I'd forgotten how much we loathed her! Until she started talking on and on. I don't hate her now of course, but when I remembered how much we used to dread her lessons, I really wanted to laugh. Everything seems so funny. She just loves to talk! Goodness... she would ramble on about this niece, that relative, who she knew was in university now... but she has always been nice. But I remember that when she became angry, it was scary.

When it was finally past 1.15, and we could talk to Mrs Choo... there was stiff competition. Practically EVERY STUDENT IN SIGHT wanted to talk to Mrs Choo. That's how popular she is. But Addy and me, being the oldest, won. She talked to us first. Asked about JC life... talked of a future gathering where everyone would come. And all the while, students walking past said hi to her, passed her presents... students wearing unknown uniforms even... Students from everywhere, who remember her. It really is amazing. To the extent that she would forget some of them... We had a lot of fun trying to remember the name of a boy who came up to her. With spiky hair and who was supposedly dressed 'coolly'. At first I had no idea who he was, then it struck me. And I said, unable to stop myself, "Oh my God!" He looked so different! Besides the fact that he was much taller (he used to be shorter than me, so imagine my surprise), he was just so changed from his nerdy, prefect self. He is 2 years my junior. So Sec 3 now. And I remember how he used to take the same school bus home. And I stood there, pretty much shocked. Boys really change a lot when they grow up. When I think of it, if I haven't been seeing my brother every day, I'd have freaked out by the way he's changed over the years.

So... we had a good chat with Mrs Choo. Hugged her a couple of times. Laughed at a few things. I gave her my present. And then we let her attend to her other students. My sister was around too and she went to see Mrs Choo as well. According to her, there was a queue of people to see Mrs Choo. I suppose this is the reward for being a dedicated teacher. And I don't think she'd want to be anything else. She's made to teach and inspire.

Some teachers have their share of fans too. But the thing that makes Mrs Choo so loved is perhaps because of her capacity to care. She cares for everyone. And she shows it. When we had a class, she used to be concerned about each student. We had a lot of fun with her. Normally, teachers tend to have favourites. The smart ones. The ones who participate. The ones who ask questions. The extroverted ones. And it's fine. It's natural to be more attentive of those who speak up, who make themselves heard. But Mrs Choo somehow reached out to everyone. Me, the quiet, meek one. Though I suppose I could classify as the one who always got high marks... hey primary school what. But even the 'mat's! The naughty kids. The delinquents. THEY COME BACK. Because, I suppose, they appreciate her. Half of my class isn't pursuing a college course. A lot are in polytechnic. Some have started working. A few Cambodians have gone to their native country to work. But we all remember her. Of course, this year, my batch didn't really turn up... but we're going to have a gathering. I hope it materialises. It will be exciting to see how everyone is now.

You are a GRYFFINDOR!
As a Gryffindor and as an NFP, you are idealistic,
loyal, and committed to doing what you know is
right. Creative, optimistic, and interested in
possibilities, you prefer to keep your options
open. You are curious, imaginative, and
perceptive. You value harmony highly, and are
excellent at resolving conflicts.

Hogwarts Sorting Hat: Based on Myers-Briggs Personality Typing
brought to you by Quizilla

I can't believe they actually have such a thing! And it's accurate too. It doesn't have the introvert part, but apparently it doesn't matter how loud you are. Wheeee! Love this. A Gryffindor... Got this quiz from one of cassie's fan's blog... who did it and is in Slytherin.

I don't know whether I should be blogging at all right now, though I've been wanting to all week. Why? Well, for one thing, tomorrow's my chem lecture test and I should be studying. I think I sort of understand Chemical Kinetics and Equilibrium... but I don't think I'll know how to solve any problem they give. I just don't have the drive to work hard anymore... which is pretty scary, really. The second reason why I shouldn't be blogging is because my internet connection is being crankier than usual and there's a very big chance that whatever I type now might not end up in my blog. Everything might just disappear as soon as I click 'Post and Publish'.

But I shall blog anyway.

When things are too coincidental, is it fate? Like how Jean and me ended up in the same JC class. Or how Duck and me, and Turk and Pige became friends. It's strange that Eunice became my classmate and Shen Onn became Yu Jie's. It sort of created the perfect situation for the blossoming of a special friendship. Or how about the way my mum and dad ended up together. They had been in TKGS and TKSS respectively. Which is incidentally physically situated next to each other. And they had been in the same polytechnic. And had been friends at some level. After that, they only met again because they ended up working in the same vicinity and bumped into each other. Coincidence? Is fate a bunch of coincidences? I don't think Jean and me would have been as close friends as we are now if we hadn't ended up in the same class now. Or take what happened yesterday when me and Nadia went for photog outing. We went to Botanic Gardens. We got thirsty and so we went to the cafe. There was a Malay guy there who Nadia thought was cute. I agreed... somewhat. By the way, I think Nadia has the strangest tastes in boys. Anyway, we bought our drinks, walked around some more, taking photos, and then went home at about 6pm. We were on bus no. 7 and guess who was next to us? The guy Nadia thought was cute. Me and Nadia were furiously exchanging glances and grinning. My eyes were positively bulging, I think. And I muttered under my breath, "This is too coincidental, Nadia." Haha. Of course... after that we got off at Orchard mrt station and he didn't come off with us or anything.

But still... Maybe we shouldn't ignore certain coincidences. They might reveal a glimpse of the future, eh?

A warning just appeared on my screen. It says my computer might have 'spyware' and suggests screening. Is this a normal thing? Do you have pop ups regarding spyware?

I realise that I haven't reviewed Checkmate yet. And it was (how long...) a month ago that I finished it. So I shall. And I shall ignore that part of me that worries about what my reader thinks.

Checkmate is the best of the six volumes, though Pawn in Frankincense (frankincense is a mediterranean thing that you burn for its scent, I think) and Game of Kings come close. First of all, Francis is tortured more than ever here. To digress a bit, Francis is Lymond's first name. Lymond is the name of his property. And the fact that I know he's hiding a secret so important to him makes everything so... exciting. Every scene I read, I look out for clues and 'watch' his behaviour to see if he might reveal himself in anyway, unawares to the other characters. That's the thing about the chronicles! You become so involved with it because the reader himself does not know Francis well. This is because hardly anything is written in Francis' point of view. You want to know what he thinks, you have to work as hard as anyone else in the story in figuring out this enigmatic person. It's frustrating yet so satisfying when you find out finally, the truth of his actions or his intentions when he finally speaks of it. It's just very... interactive. I can't seem to find words that are adequate enough in describing my experience reading it. I can only recall two scenes where Dunnett writes what Francis thinks. When he falls in love and the time before he was on the journey to Flaw Valleys, England. And those short segments of writing are so rare and precious, they stick in my mind. Like the quote I once pasted here...

And deep within him, missing its accustomed tread, his heart paused; and gave one final strok as if on an anvil.

That was when he realised he had deeper feelings than he thought he did fora cetain someone. And the visual imagery just dramatizes everything. I just love the way she writes! It's poetic, sometimes. Sometimes it's direct. It's like she mixed a modern way of talking and the beauty of old English together... so that it's not so hard to read yet the, the, beauty of English is there, you know. It's not as hard as Shakespeare. But you know how in the end you understand what Shakesperare means and appreciates how he conveys his meaning? Ah, that's what I mean with Dunnett. Though not at Shakespeare's level. So if you think hard enough, you can understand.

Sometimes it's like instead of reading a scene, I'm watching one and I'm trying to figure out what the character feels and means. Sometimes you don't know what to think, then you may get frustrated and confused. For instance, Philippa, who's busy helping Queen Mary of Scots at court, gets a distressing letter. Instead of writing that 'Philippa was distraught. She felt as though she couldn't go on anymore' and easily let her reader know the impact of that letter, Dunnet goes on to show that Philippa put the letter aside, left to attend to the queen and describes how Philippa spent the remaining of that day. At this point I'll go, "Hah! Hah! What's going on! Did she not care about the letter?"

And finally Dunnett shows how Philippa laid in bed at night, too tired to fall asleep and when she finally did at dawn, she was woken to the sound of cries. After a while, she realised her maidservant was hugging her. And that it it was her own cries which woke her.

Ahah! Here is where I start to choke up. The impact is a million times more than if Dunnett were to simply write what Philippa felt and thought directly. And this technique is used qutie often, I think.

Anyway, about Checkmate... I love it. I found out who Francis Crawford really is. Philippa has become an amzing woman. She's grown from a 10 year old tomboy who hated Lymond's guts to an intelligent, respectable lady 11 years later. There's the romance which is heart rending, because of its numerous complications. Then there's all the pain of reading about Francis in pain. The blindness. The headaches. The hurt of having killed his own son. The constant fear of his death. It's as though he's become so fragile. In Game of Kings, it wasn't as frightening because when he was fighting or running or battling, you know he has the will to live and he's strong and skilled. In Checkmate, though he is just as strong and skilled, experienced now, it's scarier because his will to live has dimmed. I was clutching my cheeks at some parts. Hello, he tried to kill himself. Sometimes I wish I could take him by his shoulders and shake him. Make him see that he should not blame himself for all the deaths he thinks he's responsible for. For all the people who have died because of him or for him, he saved many more.

Game of Kings' theme is mostly about loyalty and one's roots and honour. Queen's Play about leadership. The biggest theme in Checkmate is undoubtedly, love. I have never known a love story more amazing and touching. Or one that spans as long a period. Each thinks at first, that the love is not reciprocated. Then when they do find out that the contrary is true, new things become an obstacle. It really is much too complicated to say them here. And the most interesting thing is that they love each other so much but they display no physical affection (because of a certain complication). But their love is still so evident in how Dunnett writes... How they understand each other by using eyes and without any need of words, how each affects the other in the littlest things, how much each is willing to sacrifice for the other... They don't kiss till the very end. Because they have suffered so much, you want them to be happy so much too. I really became so emotionally involved with the whole world of Lymond. As much as I have with HP, I think.

Hehe. The rally speech is finally over. SO LONG. Isn't he thirsty?

I think I've written enough about Lymond too.

I really don't want to talk about how dreadful school is. Or how much stress I'm going through. It's terribly boring. I can't seem, though, to write of anything else. There is nothing going on that isn't about school.

Well. I ate ice-cream yesterday. Macs vanilla cone. And some at night from the tub that my mum bought.

Oh my god. Even that isn't interesting.

I have reached the lowest of the low.

My life is so mundane. Boring.

Started on Inheritance in Bio!

I can't make that sound interesting either...

I am drawing blanks here.

I need adventure. I need something new to happen. Not new in the form of a new topic in chemistry or physics. But something different. I feel BORED.

I found out that my blog is being read by anyone who's interested in the name 'Bafadhal'. And since members of the Bafadhal clan tend to want to type in the aforementioned family name in yahoo, my blog pops up. And they read my blog. Cousins... father... god knows who else. It's weird. I normally have no interest to read blogs of people who I'm not close to. Why would I want to? It's more or less the same as being kaypo. A high-tech kaypo person. But hey, you say, people have blogs for others to read what... I suppose you've got a point. But I still don't see why you have to be interested in someone else's life so much unless of course the person lives a wonderfully exciting one (not me) or you're interested in getting to know the person better. The latter is a valid reason... I realise I'm going in circles with this argument...

I think it's just that the idea of people I don't know reading my blog irks me! The idea that people who are not supposed to read my blog, read my blog, irks me! Ah sigh.

I also found out that if you type Lymond, my blog appears too. I was amazed at first. Dunnett fans are rare, I guess...

Dr Allan Balmain is Scottish! Hee. Went for the cancer talk with Eunice. Was pleasantly surprised to find that he's Scottish and was slightly thrilled by the accent. I really can't help it that I get excited when anything remotely related to the chronicles happens. Anyway, I think the title of the talk was inappropriate. He wasnt really talking about what actually causes cancer... But more on what he thinks will cure cancer, which is very informative all the same.

Despite all my complaints about my life being uninteresting, I actually crapped some stuff. Hah.

Lysistrata tomorrow! Some entertainment to look forward to. :)

I find it so hard to be happy for long nowadays. Depression has become so normal.

People can see it in my face, sometimes, I think. Samuel saw me today and said I looked tired. But I wasn't, really. I just felt down. Emotionally tired but not physically tired. I don't know why. I should learn to find joy in those happy little things that happen, right? But now that I think of it... Those happy little things come rarely too.

It's the whole thing about promos and getting good grades, I think. My whole life has transformed into this obsession over school. School. School. School. It's really giving me a headache. If it's not all the homework I'm having trouble keeping up with, it's all the CCA responsibilities I have to fulfill. I'm taking all these the wrong way. I must be. All this school experiences should be enriching. Why am I feeling as though I'm being drained of all my energy instead? I feel like I'm running endlessly, running and chasing... god knows what. My As. The dream of a scholarship. I want those, don't I? I do. I really think I do. But why then... do I not have the enthusiasm to keep going? Why am I not feeling completely happy?

I think what I need is to pray more. I shall strive to find that inner peace.

*****

Ramblings aside, I shall say that I read Yeo Lay's (Ex physics teacher) favourite book, Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom. It hasn't become my favourite book but I highly recommend it to anyone. I think I cried over it more than I have over any other book. It's very enlightening. It sort of sums up all the lessons I've heard of about life... What to think about death, about family, about love, about aging and the meaning of life. I finished it within a few hours. An easy read.

Oh. I paid the $21 premiere library membership fee and borrowed the cds. Haha.

And I watched The Village. Most people say it sucks but frankly, I like it. Not an entirely fantastic movie, but I like it. Shyamalan is still a genius to me. Some think it a waste of money because they entered the movie theatre with all the hope of receiving a good, entertaining scare and not a good story. You want that, go watch Ju-on. I think everything that happened in the story fell perfectly into place at the end. It's the kind of story that makes you want to recall everything from the beginning to end.

Maybe not Shyamalan's best work (That's still Sixth Sense, I think), but still a good piece of story.

Read DV 15. Slightly disappointed cause I finished it under two hours. But I still love it. Some of the parts cracked me up. Really. Few authors are able to make me laugh until I clutch my stomach in pain. Cassie's one of them. Of course... the jokes are still not as good as they used to be (recall peanut butter sandwich scene)... but some of the humour's back. :)

"Ginny!" Draco cried. "My Ginny, my darling - thank heavens you're safe!"

I am now going to launch into a DV ranting/review so... in case you're a reader, you've been warned...

*****

Of course Hermione's not dead. It'd be too good to be true. I really think the Rhysenn who returned was really Hermione... somehow.

Poor Ron. I'm so afraid he's going to kill himself or something. I mean... If I were him and I knew that my blood and existence were to bring the end of the world (my gosh, this sounds cliche), I'd want to die.

I really, really like Ginny. I've always liked Ginny. I love the way she's being strong, selfless, and honest with herself. (Unlike selfish Hermione!) I almost wanted to cry at the part in the garden with Tristan/Draco. I love, I hope. Wonder what that means. Maybe there's hope still for them both? I think so.

And oh my gosh, is pesky Seamus dead for good? I almost feel guilty for always calling him pesky... He's a good guy... His kind of characters always exist... They're good and they don't deserve to be hated but people just hate them because they're pesky.

I foresee the two Voldie's ending up killing each other.

And of course, the friendship between Harry and Draco cannot get any closer. What they have is so special... As long as they don't turn gay! I pray they don't. Their bond is so unique, to make them gay would ruin everything.

I'm going to paste a quote that probably all DV fans have on their blogs by now.

"I don't," Draco said. "I want to stay with you. Watch over you. Follow you always. It's what I was meant to do. Blood binds us, Harry, and some fate more inextricable than that. And I want more selfish things. No one wants to die at seventeen. I want to be young and to live, and to be with the person I love, and I want to travel and see the world. And I want to get married and have children some day, and spoil them rotten so they grow up to be foul little bastards, and I want to die in bed when I'm a hundred and ninety, hexed to death by a jealous husband."

The 'jealous husband' part made me squeal! Goodness. Luckily Harry didn't catch on that... Well, of course he didn't because he's nobody's husband... yet... Let's just hope she's dead. Actually, I pity her... But better her than anyone else! Selfish female dog.

*****

I was reading the reviews at Cassie's blog and apparently I'm not alone where being torn between Lymond and Draco is concerned. There are people who agree that those two are probably the two most amazing male fictional characters ever created. And who also can't help but compare the two.

Though... Recently I've begun to suspect that Cassie has been ripping off certain things from Dunnett. There are things common between them that are much too coincidental.

Like the way both Draco and Lymond always lean on things to support themselves so as to appear unperturbed but are actually unable to stand up, on the brink of collapse or blind. Oh my god! YES! BLINDNESS. Just realised that. Now THAT is too much of a coincidence. Both of them experience bouts of blindness!!! Due to poison! Though Lymond's is slightly more complicated. Maybe I should ask her directly, if she's shaping Draco according to Lymond. Because if she is, then, then, then, it'll be really wrong! Because Draco will essentially be Lymond and at first, the reason I was attracted to Lymond was Draco! This distorts things pretty badly. But I suppose there's nothing much wrong, legally, with using Dunnett's stuff because it is fanfiction.

They both like brown haired girls. And have been associated with red haired girls.

Both had almost crossed a river to the afterworld (Draco via the bridge and Lymond via the boatman) but were being called back reluctantly to fulfill duties they hadn't completed. And they both actually wanted to die.

Both are adept with using the sword. Both are filthy rich. Both have sharp tongues. Both have been described as someone who you really, really like or really, really hate.

Of course, not to mention, the likeness in the physical attributes. Except for the colours of the eyes. Maybe Cassie couldn't make it blue cause the book already said grey.

And oh my gosh. The French roots. Isn't it peculiar that Cassie has to make Draco have French blood? He can speak French... Lymond's born in France but he's full Scottish.

Oh yes, both have been misunderstood as evil.

I rest my case. They are very, very much alike. And there's a 70% chance that Cassie is either consciously or unconsciously making Draco into Lymond.

*****

Had nowhere to go after national day celebrations today. So sad. Nikki had RP so we couldn't watch The Village like we wanted to. And Jean didn't even come today. Addy went off with Joel. And everybody I would consider going out with just disappeared! Smsed Duckie but she said she was already going out with some friends... Understandable. Called Munirah and she had already made plans with her rock climbing mates. Almost called Jiawen before realising she's in Australia. Eunice has her learning journey thing. Bet Pige had something on with her class too. I just had nowhere to go. And it was utterly disappointing. Called my sister and even she had plans with friends. Ended up going home with Pramidh who I hardly know and who's only been a recognisable entity for being in the same Thursday PE class. She's nice of course. And has extremely pretty eyes. I told her that and even added that it sometimes looks green. Which sent her laughing. I added that it could possibly be all the greenery of bouna vista reflected in her eyes. Haven't I mentioned that I love green? For the wrong reasons, some would say. But hey, I still like it.

Anyway, was so very down because of the fact that I appeared friendless (Sister did not help the situation by taunting over the phone that all my friends have left me. I kept cursing her and she kept laughing.). So I decided that I could very well entertain myself. Am very good at that. So I set off by myself... First of all, bought waffles with blueberry paste. Nice. Nicer than the ghim moh one, I feel. Then walked down some shops and went to the Tampines library and stayed there for approximately two hours. Time flew past. I just looked through so many books and enjoyed myself immensely. Looked at all the Literature books. My hand itched to pick out one of Shakespeare's plays but the logical and sensible part of me prevailed. How could I possibly understand it by myself? And even if I could, I could not possibly afford the time. Found some cds to borrow. Educational ones. A Dorling Kindersley interactive history encyclopaedia which got me all excited. And one about Egypt and another one about Lost Civilisations. Wanted to borrow them all but when I got to the borrowing machine, it rejected my card. And it turned out that borrowing cds is a completely separate thing from borrowing books. Membership was required. WITH AN ANNUAL FEE OF $21. That made me all angry and sad again. Because when I found the cds, I thought the day had turned out a bit better... only it didn't. Comforted myself by marching around a bit and returning the cds in the incorrect place. Then went back to the lit shelf to see if I could at least borrow a book. But because my mood had been spoiled, I couldn't appreciate anything much anymore. Wandered off to the psychology section and finally got absorbed with those personality things I get obsessed with occasionally. Found a Chinese destiny precicting book which says that my element is Earth and I have a voracious appetite. And love to learn things and because of that, think I know more than others. Haha. Also found an astrology book which says that psychology is a profession strangely common for Taurus people (which made me go yay). It also said that marriages between Aquarius and Taurus people are strangely uncommon. And Taurus people like Taurus people. Which explains why I love my aunt so much and think she's leading the perfect life.

(Realise I need to start a new paragraph.) After all that endless browsing, I ended up borrowing a book called 'The Secret Language of Dreams'. Pretty interesting so far. Has Freudian and Jungian theories which I find intriguing. Though I think Freud is a bit mental because of the way he assumes his sexual repressions are shared by everyone.

The mind exists in 4 levels:

1. The conscious. Where the ego is in control and the 'I' decides everything.
2. The pre-conscious. Where the mind stores clear facts, memories, ideas and motives.
3. The personal unconscious. Where a person's deepest unacknowledged desires and fears are stored and appear in dreams as symbols which are personal to the person.
4. The collective unconscious. A large pool of symbols and ideas shared by the human race which Jung thinks forms the world's myths and religions.

Read a section about lucid dreaming too and feel like up to trying it again. Being able to do it would be amazing.

So... after borrowing that book and feeling ok again, I got out of the library, bought a coke and green apple slurpy from 7-11 and headed home.

And here I am.

I wonder if this is my longest entry to date.

It's been extremely long since I last blogged. Not entrirely my fault, on account of the fact that my computer has been sent off to the Challenger workshop for repair. The darn thing kept hanging for no reason. Of course my dad blamed us kids for downloading too many programs but really... all I did was put in the Hello BloggerBot thingy. And edited my videos and photos. And surfed the net. But that's it.

Am using school's computer by the way. Waiting for 1.10 and Eunice's school day to be over so that we can go for the horsie cip thing. ...Why do we love adding the -ies after animal words: birdie, horsie, fishie, cookie... haha.

Ah well. Nothing much has changed in life. Same school day routines. Same food. Same stress. I wish something interesting could happen, you know. I sound ungrateful, I know...

Watched the season finale of smallville last night. And manu was right, we should have the right to sue the people. What a terrible ending to a season! Well, most season endings leave you hanging, but this one is just plain nasty! HOW can they let Chloe die? It's completely unfair. She's one of the more human characters in the show. You know how Lana is so 'perfect' that she becomes annoying. And Clark... who is so stupid. I hate him for what he said to Lex. As if HE doesn't have his secrets. And why couldn't he just say goodbye to Lana. Idiot.

The show is clearly getting stupider and stupider (at some parts) but I can't seem to stop watching. It's the whole thing about fictional series. You get hooked to the characters instead of the plot. So regardless of the plot, you just have to know what happens to the characters. Of course not all series are like that. HP for one. And Lymond. And LotR, I suppose. Hm.

I seem to be blabbing things I don't mean to to some people lately. Things I didn't have any intention of anyone knowing. Oh sigh. Can't seem to hold my tongue. Can anyone keep something to oneself forever? Maybe... if its revelation is too painful to comprehend. Confusing. Confusing. How I hate being confused.

Feeling extemely fed up. Received a wake up call to reality today. Sigh.

Wanted to review on checkmate but something always has to get in the way.

Next time then.

I have failed to update that tests have been over, for two days now. Shall not speak of it or of the coming release of results. UGH.

And I have, of course, bought Checkmate, and finished it. Kept reading till 3.30 this morning. My brother and sister and me camped out in front of the tv for the euro cup finals. I woke them up at 2.30 am. And my brother naturally thought that I was insane, reading non-stop through the night. But I didn't see the goal by Greece, cause I fell asleep at about 4 am, amidst the croaking of my siblings' voices singing songs and especially Nelly Furtado's song (the one with something 'forca' inside it...). So Greece won. It makes no difference to me whatsoever. My sister told me that they were singing wholeheartedly when my brother suddenly said, "Eh, Greece scored a goal." And then they carried on singing. I was sort of awaken at the end of the match, found out Greece was the champ and fell back into slumber almost immediately.

I feel happy and sad at the same time that I've finally completed the Lymond chronicles. Sad, because all the excitement is over. Happy because, my god, he's finally happy.

And just in case whoever reads my blog might one day read the lymond chronicles, I shall leave some spoiler space. Though... I have to say that chances are low... Although Duck has said that I've persuaded her into reading, I think she might not persevere through the series. Because it is very lengthy. And even I got fed up at some parts. The reason being I don't understand the french he's saying (My god, especially, if it's set in France) and the literary phrases he keeps referring to and its significance to the plot. But if you just feel that no matter how hard the reading is, you have to know what happens in the end, you'll be rewarded with a fantastic story and a triumphant end. Do you know I was smiling away to sleep this morning? I was just so happy.

Throughout the past two days ever since I purchased the book from borders, it has not been more than an arm's length away from me. Hee. Well, going out now. Bro and sis complaining that I'm insane as usual.

Shall review on checkmate in next entry.

Your True Nature by llScorpiusll
Username
The quality that most appeals to you:	Sense of Humour
In a survival situation, you:	Fight, but reluctantly
Your hidden talent is:	Endurance
Your gift is:	Sexual prowess
In groups, you:	Get the party started
Your best quality is:	Your insightfulness
Your weakness is:	Your lack of sensitivity
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

I'm going all Meme crazy. These things are so addictive...

My gift is my sexual prowess. Let's see how inaccurate Meme can get. But I like to think that I'm insightful and enduring.

Get to know the REAL you by crash_and_burn
Your Name
You Are A:	Classic Rocker
Your Favorite Band/Song	Ludacris - Rollout
You Like To Read:	Non-fiction novels
You Firmly Believe In:	Free love
Everyone Thinks You Are:	You don't have any friends
You Were Conceived:	In a bed, duh
You Will Marry:	Your current boy/girlfriend
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

HAH! That is how inaccurate it gets! I like fiction more than non-fiction, that's for certain. Just look at my obsessions. And... uh, I can't possibly marry my current boyfriend... when he doesn't really exist in flesh and bone. This stuf is so ridiculous yet entertaining...

Oh my god. WHAT AM I DOING? Tomorrow is my chem test. Someone smack some sense into me.

Generate your Anime Style by Jena-su
Name:
Hair:	Rediculously long, usualy tied up in ribbons.
Clothes:	A bit revealing, but nothing too over the top.
Powers:	Shape Shifting
Special Features:	Random tattoo(s)
Sidekick:	Your best friend.
Attitude:	Mysterious as all hell.
Weapon:	Katana
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Got this from Duckie's blog. Long hair... Quite accurate, though my hair wasn't as long as it used to be. My sidekick is my best friend? That's quite a problem. I have a number of good friends... which one do I choose to be best? I'd rather have a fluffy animal. Preferably a lamb which I could name Elsie. Hee. Tattoos are ugly. But mysterious is good... I like mysterious. It has something to do with my liking blonde-haired I'm-not-what-I-seem entities.

I must be crazy to be online the night before a test. But... it's just a test, isn't it?
Ugh. Sort of finished studying chem but have not practised enough. And frankly, I am sick of looking at anything chem. I just can't wait for the bloody school week to be over!

I keep envisioning the dawning of friday morning. Me going off to school, smiling away, knowing that it would be the LAST test paper, regardless of whether or not I'm fully prepared for math. Me completing the last page of the test paper (that is... if I get to the last page). Me waiting for the teacher to collect my script. Me positively quivering with excitement. Me rushing out of the hall and frantically asking classmates if they would want to go out with me straight away. And even if nobody wanted to, me would still be smiling away, cheeks almost snapping with the force.

Because all I would be concerned with would be to get my hands on Checkmate. On Friday, I'll be heading for Borders straight after the Math paper. I keep seeing that book, sitting on the shelf, on the back of my eyelids. It's just there, ready for me to devour.

The wait for Friday is almost unbearable. In many ways, this is worse than waiting for OotP. For one thing, Checkmate is the LAST book of the Lymond series. Which means all my questions will be answered and the happy ending I'm hoping for will come. Besides that, the book is THERE. If you know what I'm getting at. When you wait for OotP, you know it's not been released and nobody has read it yet. This wait for Checkmate is torturous because the book was released almost 30 years ago in 1975. All I have to do if I were to give heck care to the bloody tests is to march off to Borders and grab the book off that shelf.

However, I seem to care more about my studies than I thought I did. So I can't possibly let myself flunk without an effort to flunk less worse. So Checkmate has to wait.

Mum ordered all to be in bed by 10.30. When was the last time I was in bed that early? Can't recall. But is for my own good, I suppose. Anyway, I feel sleepy.

Less than 12 hours to Chemistry Paper and the beginning of the end.

Finished Ringed Castle. Love it so much, I keep reading the good parts again and again.

This obsession is clearly destroying my life.

Starting to get scared. Reality is rushing back. I have pushed away so many responsibilities and now I'm paying for it all. Am so dead.

Aunt wants me to finish M'sia trip video by weekend. No offence... but is she nuts?! I have studying to do, stupid CIP to complete (Which I really am considering skipping altogether and get a white slip), and an MCS meeting to attend. And in order to be able to do all that, I have to get Lymond out of my head! Dear god.

Just switched on my phone today. 9 unread messages.

I feel like I've been running too long and now I've come to a corner and there's nowhere to go and nothing to do but wait and face all the monsters.

And deep within him, missing its accustomed tread, his heart paused, and gave one single stroke, as if on an anvil.

I just love that line.

I am going to sound insane. Oh, what am I saying... This place is already crappy to the brim.

I just read a Lymond review, searching for clues. And I found it! I am soooo happy! REVIEW I actually jumped up and down in joy and screamed. Thank god the house was empty. I found out who Lymond's going to end up with and it's the person I've been banking on. I am so right. You see, in the last entry, I was so fed up because he was behaving atrociously towards her. He burnt her letter before reading even half of it and more or less, ignored her existence. It is infuriating. Even though there was supposed to be nothing going on between them yet, he should at least treat her better.

Now I feel like reading the book again. I shall study tomorrow. That leaves about less than 10 hours of reading... Oh dear.

I know all this Lymond stuff is getting really disgusting for some people... but I really can't help it. I get obsessed easily.

Oh, and I hope you read the review. The writer has expressed all my exact sentiments.

Just got back from one week trip to Malaysia. Throat hurts like hell from consuming sweet foodstuff every waking hour. I can hardly swallow without wincing. Anyway, now that I'm back, I have a lot of studying to do. Had a horrible dream in Malaysia. I dreamt I was in school and Munirah asked me if I'd finished studying for the geog paper. I hadn't. And naturally I freaked out. I sat for the paper anyway and answered the mcqs blindly. I recall certain words that had nothing to do with geography whatsoever. After that, I had to sit for a higher malay paper. And I hadn't studied for that either. I was cramming malay idioms with Aisyah (who had finished studying, unlike me). I was really at the end of my tethers. Fortunately I woke up before I had a panic seizure. My brother related to me that I made strange whimpering noises in the night and my face was screwed up in weird expressions. Hah. Also, it took me some time to realize that I don't take both higher malay or geography anymore. Thank god.

Brought "The Ringed Castle" (5th Lymond Book) on the trip. Was reading furiously at first, but then I got so fed up that I stopped. Lymond was being so terribly ANNOYING. I couldn't stand it. He was treating certain people appallingly. And he is so darn stubborn! It is clear that he doesn't care if he lives or dies. Doesn't he realise how many people are worried about him? ARGH. Of course, I also feel so sorry for him. Feel like crying everytime the child is mentioned. How can it all end well? Good stories hardly do. Look at the Dark Materials Trilogy, Titanic, Troy, Braveheart... DT too. Not that I can even see an end coming for DV.

Oh well. My fault that I love such stories. All that pain and angst. All the drama. The quotable phrases. All the blood and gore. And of course all the beautiful people. Haha.


"Do not smirk at me, Master Malfoy!" Dumbledore shouted suddenly.

Draco jumped, and scowled. Why did everyone always tell him he was smirking when he was merely smiling? Just because his lip had a habit of curling up slightly on the left. Privately Draco thought it was endearing. "Sorry, Headmaster." ~ Something Impossible by Cassandra Claire (Read at your own peril. It ends in slash. But is funny.)

The trouble with me is that I can never be diligent enough to record all the important events in my life here. I should have written about a whole lot of things... including Pige's birthday meeting... But, I just don't FEEL like it, you know. It doesn't mean it's less important than Troy. I just need to have that URGE to write, to WRITE.

I went for the CCA Leadership Camp. Don't really know where to start about it. I learnt a lot. A whole lot of things that the instructors meant to impart to me and some things that I've observed myself. But at the end of it all, I felt depressed. More knowledgable, but nonetheless, depressed. Oh well. I don't wish to go into detail. I have this involuntary reaction towards bad memories - store it in the deep reaches of my hippocampus (Isn't that where the brain stores memories?)and consequently never speak or write of it ever again. Maybe that's why my memory is getting poorer and poorer. All that stuffing isn't doing me good.

All that aside, I wish to rant on about Lymond. Am now on to the fifth book. I'm devouring everything like it's a drug and I'm the addict. Really can't quite help myself. The story is simply amazing. And there is no character quite like Francis Crawford. He surpasses DT!Draco in many ways. You know the way Draco always thinks for himself last and readily sacrifices himself for others? (Recall the destruction of a certain vial of antidote.) Multiply that a million times for Lymond's case. Sometimes I wish he would stop being so altruistic and think for himself for a change. It really is so painful to watch him suffer.

There was this exremely suspenseful and exciting part where Lymond battles his arch nemesis, Gabriel, in a battle of chess with Lymond's friends as the pieces. Two young children were involved, one of which was his son. And the game culminates in an ultimate sacrifice, wich made me cry like mad. I had to fling the book down because I was so distraught. REALLY.

I am so frustrated that I have virtually no one to share all my thoughts on this.

"Dear Kate, how understanding we were about funerals, how we shared in the weeping beforehand and the lightheartedness, the unsuitable laughter which followed. We've had a victory. We've won a battle whose importance perhaps no one yet knows, after a year of effort which has changed every one of us. Gabriel is dead; and we are free and alive, except for one small boy, a stranger to whom we were strangers too. And tonight, there is hardly one of us who does not wish, in his remorse, that he died in his place." ~ Philippa, Pawn in Frankincense, Book IV of the Lymond Chronicles

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD! Don't read the following entry if you haven't watched Troy and wish to catch it some day. Actually, if you still haven't seen it by now, you're nuts. And if you don't wish to see it at all, you're nuttier. Because Troy is a must-see. It's the epic movie of our generation. My mum even said that it's better than LotR.

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Heh heh. Typing this thing is weird...
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Hehehehehehe.
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I watched Troy again yesterday. And I was trying to commit all the nice phrases to memory...

I know it starts off with something like, "Men have been haunted with the vastness of eternity..." ARGH. I wish I could remember! It was sooooo fantastic. I can remember the ending a bit better... "Let it be known that I lived in the time of Hector, tamer of forces. Let it be known that I lived in the time of Achilles." I am definitely getting the dvd.

The "gods envy us" part that Achilles was saying was really good... The first time I heard it, I was gaping at precisely how true it sounded - "Everything is more beautiful because we are doomed." The second time I heard, I was pissed because the people sitting at the back of the theatre were making a LOT of noise and wouldn't shut up so I couldn't really hear it clearly. Manu was very annoyed too (Yes! I watched with her and Jean.) because I told her that part was really nice but she couldn't hear the whole thing. The third time I heard it, I remember feeling stressed because I was trying to memorise it on the spot but was failing miserably.

Hector is the real hero of the story, I think. He was the only one who seemed to be working towards the right direction. Defend the walls of Troy but not attack the Greeks. He was not greedy for power OR glory, he was merciful (unlike bloody Achilles! Priam had to come BEG for Hector's body!), he was loving. He was like Brutus, but way smarter. Oh, I remember he said this to his soldiers, "All my life, I live by a code. And the code is simple. Honour the gods, love your woman and defend your country." And a roar of agreement erupted from his men. Like soldiers always do when great leaders give speeches before battles - Aragorn ("There comes a time when the courage of men fails, when we forsake all bonds of fellowship... But this is not the day. Today, WE FIGHT!" Okay... can't quite remember it. Heh.), William Wallace (FREEDOM!!!!!!)etc

And don't you just think that the movie is about people doing STUPID things? Why didn't Priam ever listen to his sons? Why couldn't Paris keep his hands to himself? Why couldn't Patroclus listen to Achilles? And why couldn't Achilles control his temper a little bit? I felt like smacking some of them. Because I think the one who suffered most from the stupid mistakes was Hector. He didn't do anything stupid and he was the one who got killed. There is no justice.

It is clear that Orlando Bloom will forever be associated with a bow and arrow. It seems to be the only thing he's good with. Paris did yet another stupid thing - Couldn't he SEE Briseis screaming her lungs off NOT to shoot Achilles? Was he blind (with fury, perhaps)? But I suppose he couldn't simply let off the guy who killed his wonderful brother, "the best man (he) knows". Honestly. Things are so complicated. They were all essentially good people, but they end up killing each other. Just goes to show how violence is never the answer to problems. "You lost your cousin, now you've taken mine. When does it end?" "It never ends." I suppose you can link it to current affairs in the middle east. The Israelis and Palestinians are mostly good people who want to get on with their lives in peace but... since revenge lives in some of their hearts... the you-kill-my-friend-I-kill-your-friend thing goes on and on and on and never ends.

Peter O'Toole was good... I like the confrontation scene between Priam and Achilles. Another thought-provoking moment - "...It doesn't change anything. You're still my enemy in the morning." "You're still my enemy tonight. But even enemies can show respect." I love the dialogue. I probably held my breath when I listened to it. It's amazing how everything they had to say had impact and meaning."I knew your father. He died before his time. But he was lucky not to see his son fall. I loved my son from the moment he opened his eyes to the moment you closed them."

Oh, I remember the quotes from this scene, where Briseis was holding a knife to Achilles' neck:
"Do it."
"Aren't you afraid?"
"Everyone dies. Today, fifty years from now, what does it matter?"
"If I don't kill you, you'll kill more men."
"Many."

Goodness... it seems like I've been on a quote-regurgitation spree. So fun. But I realise this has spoilers for people who haven't seen the movie. Haha. Shall give a warning then.

GP Common Test is tomorrow. And I have done practically NOTHING to help myself. GOD. What is there to do??? I am definitely doomed. Our GP lessons have been crap for months now ever since Mrs Singh decided to abandon our class and teach PW instead. First it was the VERY soft-spoken Ms Lynn (Can't quite remember her name...) who could not teach, on account of us not being able to hear her in the first place. Then there's Mr Soh, the so-called experienced retiree, who rambles on and on and expects us to just swallow whatever he says. I HATE GP. ARGH.

I can't wait for everything to be over tomorrow so that I can look forward to the holidays and PoA movie and waking up late and shopping and the rugby match tomorrow. My class is going together! SO fun! Just this bloody GP obstacle to overcome...

This is the first time I've updated in ages. Been EXTREMELY busy. Tests... SPA... Photog... And am still going to be busy for a very long time.

Anyway... am now holding exco posts in both my ccas. Vice president of MLD and treasurer of Photog. Hope that more or less, that takes care of the L in my PEARLS. Not that I'm doing it for pearls only... Am glad that I have those posts. Can be more involved and make my life in RJ more fulfilling.

My father stumbled across my blog via google. He read everything. SCARY. But hey... I don't have anything to hide...

Saw PoA trailer at the movies!!! Was so excited...

Have some Lymond to paste. I have bought The Disorderly Knights! Used the voucher Eunice gave me...

Someone tell me what this phrase means: "Art cannot live without licence." I sort of understand it... But can anyone enlighten me with a detailed explanation? This book is so darn hard...

"For you are a leader - don't you know it? I don't, surely, need to tell you? - And that is what leadership means. It means fortifying the fainthearted and giving them the two sides of your tongue while you are at it. It mean suffering weak love and schooling it till it matures. It means giving up your privacies, your follies and your leisure. It means you can love nothing and no one too much, or you are no longer a leader, you are the led."

"And that you think, I should find easy," said Lymond.
~ Queen's Play, Second in the Lymond Chronicles

It's Photog Week this week... Take a look please...

Spot this Photo from the exhibition in the RJC concourse!

My brother... Hari Raya Haji... We were doing this funny thing - Hard to describe. Doesn't matter. I think this photo is really nice... Captured all the laughter. Meh heh.

My sis, clad in winter clothes. Taken from Switzerland video. Resolution isn't so good... But oh my god... This photoblogging thing is amazing!

I found out Lymond's birthday (1st November 1526) from an astrological chart of lymond at www.dorothydunnett.co.uk !!! There was an uncannily accurate description of his character as well. Before tonight, I was dying to know his exact age... Because in the first two books, all that is mentioned is that he's young. But HOW young? Such detail is important to know in order to picture the character vividly in one's mind. I've always assumed him to be in the early twenties... and I'm right!!! He's only 20 in the first book and only 22 in the second book! And he's so intelligent... too wise for his age... Sigh... If only he were a real man.

"Suavely toasted and slender; all masked blue eyes and buttermilk hair." ~ The Disorderly Knights, Volume III of Lymond Chronicles

Despite the fact that I have chem SPA tomorrow and am dying to get back to my notes and save myself from more failure (failed chem lect test by 1/2 mark), I am here blogging. Because I have something to say that should not be left to another time when my mood to write about intended topic has worn off.

Today is my birthday. And it has been wonderful. Really amazing. It's the fact that a whole lot of people remembered. You know how you sometimes get pangs of depression? I get that on a regular basis. During times like that, I start to feel like I'm useless and in fact, nobody would care if I disappeared off the face of this earth. But today. TODAY proved how much I should be grateful, because I have people who cared enough to make my birthday such a special event for me.

The birds. Well, they have been the best. They were the ones who made my 16th birthday fantabulous, an occasion which I'd thought back then would be unparalleled. Of course this year... they'd proven that they could make it even better. I got the bin and absolutely fantastic rubbish.

Jean. Who is sooo sweet. And gave this soap set... shower gel, shampoo etc that has a camomile scent. I smell really good now!

1S03D! Who gave me a card with everyone's messages and a pretty black purse! Love my class...

Duck who smsed me, 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MIDGET!' Typical. But thank you anyway.

Turk who came to me after PE to say happy birthday again... hehe... shall be looking forward to more stuff in mailbox tomorrow...

My mum! For the bracelet made of stirling silver and Russian synthetic diamond.. (ooooh!)

My dad! Who forgot that he's already bought me the chess set from Colmar, France and asked me what i wanted! haha!

My bro and sis who dumped the presents on my table! A necklace and hairclip that has the letters V U L T from sis and keychain that has my name from bro.

Niki! Who promises more green socks. Yippeee!

Sowmya! The first person to wish me happy birthday in school. And gave me a cute dog keychain and a pretty mug.

Yashira! Who couldn't find me in school early in the morning... but found me later and gave me a hug and promises presents!

My aunt! Who already gave me money last week. $$$:)

Mel! Who smsed me, 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TWIT'. And scolded me for not reminding her. But seems she remembered anyway.

Adibah, a friend from when I was barely 6, smsed happy birthday!

Sarah Siew remembered too! She is sooooo sweet.

Joel said happy birthday too.

All the girls in my class.

Anjali, with whom I'm hardly acquainted, wished me.

Abigail (I think), Eunice's classmate, wished me, when she saw me lugging Jean's present to me.

My maid! Who gave me a very touching letter wishing me all the best... and actually gave me ten dollars. I wish she didnt! I don't need anymore gifts... But I couldnt possible refuse...

Thank you so much everyone. My day would have been terrible had not each of you did that little thing that means so much to me... what with math test for which I'm confirmed dead. Ladida...

Didn't fail bio! Phew. Got 22/40. It could be worse... I could have failed ALL my lecture tests...

The cuckoo clock my family got from Switzerland went cuckoo last week. Everytime it reached the hour, say 8 o'clock, it would emit two extra cuckoos, so that it sounded 10 times. Nuts. And we were trying to figure out went wrong. Mum, Dad, me and brother sat at the dining table having a heated conversation (with bursts of laughter from my bro and me at my dad's silly ideas) about it, the clock hanging on the wall, mocking at us. We had a lot if theories as to what went wrong. Ranging from problems in winding the clock (it is completely non-battery operated!) and the gears being damaged completely. Really, I was completely puzzled by it. It was frustrating. In the end, while dad was fiddling with the hands of the clock, at suggestions from my mother and me to spin them faster so as to catch up with the cuckoos, my dad fixed it. And we went, "What did you do? What did you do?". My dad, being himself, merely gave a "Hah! I'm smarter than all of you, what did you expect look?" And smirked. Which elicited mild screams from me and my mum. Turned out all he had to do was move the hour hand only and not the minute hand. So simple.

Bah.

Drama is over! My goodness. It was fantastic! It was almost as good as the RG drama in Sec 4! Wait... what am I saying... It's even better!

It's amazing how the audience could oooh and aaaah at points where we didnt expect them to. It really is exhilirating. Imagine having heard a line being said probably a million times over and thinking how boring it sounds but then when it's being said in front of a real life audience, it causes shrieks of laughter. I remember thinking, "Oh my god! They like it!" After I finished my scenes, feeling absolutely relieved but at the same time completely high on adrenaline, I stood behind the curtains to watch. And as each scene unfolded, receiving unexpectedly good responses from the audience, I got really REALLY happy that I started to sing to all the songs that were playing during the scene intervals and even danced a little bit to them. And of course, I wore my silly grin on my face. Thank god it was dark. But really, I never felt happier for drama than at that point behind the curtains.

When it ended and we all stepped out to bow and all that, I started to feel a little bit sad. Because, well, it was over. I am going to miss, no, I'm already missing, drama sessions. I miss the people. I miss Kak Ain and her slightly crazy antics and her nicknaming of cute boys after food or hair or your normal everyday objects. I miss going to the surau and taking my time praying and taking my time walking to ghim moh and meeting aisyah and eating macs till 5.10. I miss wasting the afternoon away chatting to kak filza, yashira, aisyah, yus, nadia and crap, everyone else, till drama started. I miss all the bloopers that could make me laugh like mad. And, oh my god, I'm going to miss eating tom yam flavoured maggi for dinner! I'm going to miss the guys who are most of the time missing because of their training but nonetheless when they're around make things more upbeat. (Recall Rudy and his dance moves and Iylia being so serious (but ahem... the best actor as always) that Yus kept giving me looks and Jau, of course, fooling around... especially with my vcam) I miss having Lt 1 to ourselves. And if I go on writing about what I'll miss, I'll never end, and I am well aware that all good things have to come to an end. Sad as it is.

*

Watched 'The Passion' yesterday on pirated vcd. Very... bloody. Extremely bloody. Bloody... bloody. (Muahahaha... couldn't resist putting that in.) It was an interesting movie. And it would have been very moving if I had been a devout Christian. I'm not saying it wasn't sad to me, by gosh, it was. But the fact that I don't believe everything the story portrays makes it a bit less great than what all the hype made it out to be. So at the end, I was like, "Ok... it's a good movie... but what's so great?" I think this is a movie for Christians. You'll bawl your eyes out for Jesus, and if I'd been Chrisitian, I would have. But the thing is, I'm not. So to me, it was nothing more than a fascinating insight into biblical history. And all that Aramic! Oooh. I had so much fun comparing it with Arabic with my dad.

And oh, Jim Caviezel really looked like Jesus they normally portray in pictures!

*

I have the Dorothy Dunnett Guide now! Sooooooo happy. :) :) :) :) :) :p Now I can understand Lymond better.

Finally, I'm home before dark. Every single day of this week, I had drama, cept today. Saturday's the big day. OooOooh. Scary but exciting.

Eunice has done a lot of talking lately. (But yes... I would have loved green striped socks... so pretty!) Niki has started to tease me about the colour green. She said this morning, "I know why Shamiah came to RJ! It's because of the uniform!" For a moment I blinked. Then it sunk in. I rolled my eyes. Then I told her the uniform was a bonus, not the reason... come on! I can BUY green things... I don't work hard for 6 points just so I can wear green! Not that I worked hard... And since Niki knows now... I told her about my green bin. And my green socks, which I've yet to wear... Think I'll wear it this Saturday...

Mock spa tmr! I hate SPA. HATE IT. Especially chem SPA. I will be completely flustered tmr... I can already picture it in my head... UGH.

Don't want to fail bio... Don't want to fail bio.... I might fail bio... Don't want to fail bio...

Am reading a HILARIOUS fanfic. Oh my goodness... it is so funny... my brother and sister really thought I had gone loony the way I was clutching my stomach and laughing like mad. It's like the short ficlet Cassie wrote last time in which Draco thoguht he was pasty and made himself orange and Harry only talked in CAPS. Only this one isn't written by Cassie. It's titled Draco the Amazing Bouncing... Rat? by Maya. Try it out if you have time... A good cheerer upper.

Today was quite horrible. Photog was absolutely terrible. Drama was simply a waste of time. I basically did zero things useful. The only thing I enjoyed today was eating McSpicy Double for the first time at Macs and watching the Bourne Identity on HBO. I must say... the movie is intriguing... though the ending was more or less predictable. But the action was nice! Especially the part where he pushed the dead guy off the stairs and used the dead body as sort of a... surf. Extremely exciting... Feel compelled to get my hands on the book series... Maybe I should ask Niki...

Oh, of course. How could I forget to write about my birthday outing. Albeit, one 20 days too early. But hey, I'm not complaining. I must express my gratitude towards my dearest friends. (Birdieocracy forever!) The rubbish was wonderful. I will cherish each rotting piece of garbage for as long as I live. Your letters mean the most to me... because finally... it said 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY'. Thank you so much! I must say... my birthdays are becoming much of an event... I wore the earrings to school today. Had some nice comments about it. Have yet to wear my ankle socks. The green doesnt match my pink shoes. Proper thank you letters will be issued some day soon.

It is 15 minutes to 1 am. I should get some shut eye.

I hate it when it comes to the point when I start worrying whether or not people enjoy what I write. I shouldn't! This is my blog. I shouldn't care! When I first decided to blog, I didn't mean for anyone to read it much anyway. I realise that some people enjoy surfing blogs so that they can find out more about so-and-so. So I suppose it is to some extent disappointing to find my blog filled up with nothing but my obsession over books, HP, fanfiction and personality types. I'm sorry but I really don't go around exposing my innermost emotions where I know people will read. It is not who I am. Even in my own private written journal, which nobody except two souls have laid eyes on and even then only certain less confidential pages, I don't write names lest someone might see, no matter how slim the chance. I'm that bad. THAT BAD. All the entries here barely scratch the surface of the real me. So, I'm sorry again if my blog isn't terribly entertaining.

But I'm not saying that what I type here is a farce. It's not! It really is not. This blog here is one part of me that I'm willing to share. The obsessive me. The hyper me. The wacky me. Though sometimes, I do insert the real me between the lines... or in quotes. And that's how it's going to be for as long as I want it.

Well. Now that I've gotten that off my chest... My malay drama is finally confirmed! I was so happy last night. Especially for the J2s who worked especially hard for it. My gosh... I felt excited all night last night... could hardly fall asleep. And I'm still feeling happy this morning. :)

Had a dream which made me want to knock my head against the wall repeatedly. Settled with smacking my forehead instead. I can't believe I dreamt that. I can't believe it!!! How humiliating. And that's as much as I'm going to say about it.

Oh god... What is going on in my brain... I am so going nuts.

OMG!! PoA Trailer 2 is here!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saw it. Muahahaha... Hermione grabbed Ron's hand! Dementor's quite scary... I think the movie looks quite promising! Wish Harry didn't have to yell 'Expecto Patronum' at the end though... it sounded a bit weird... Draco as mean as always. Heh. What did I expect. Oh my gosh... I'm so excited... *bounce bounce*

Talking to J2 cousin who says he thinks HP's getting too kiddy for him now. But he says he'll watch it still... for this year. HMPH. Once a fan, forever a fan, right? I cannot imagine myself hating HP even when I'm 60. I think it's too much a part of me.

Bio Lecture Test on monday!!! And I haven't started studying yet... So going to die.

Am in RJ's computer lab right now... skipping all the O2 activities. Feeling slightly guilty still... after all the people who worked hard for O2. But I saw some newcomers leaving... which sort of made me feel less guilty because this whole thing is supposed to be about them! Sigh... Sad. Sad. The whole thing's just really SAD.

Anyway, I was clearing my table yesterday. Finally dumped all sec 4 stuff away. Old files... worksheets... I gave some stuff to my brother (who is being freakingly studious) and still have the huge green physics file cause it's the most nicely compiled file. I found old notebooks too. Found the MTV one with all the crazy doodles and hangman games... and chain stories. The wabbit one cracked me up completely. Victoria can be really crazy sometimes...

I realised last night that I undertake too much. Another INFP trait. (Found the MBTI booklet on career thingywhile cleaning and read some stuff... ) I shall make a list of the projects that I have embarked on or plan to carry out.

1. Read Lymond Chronicles back to front. With the help of the Dorothy Dunnett Guides by Elspeth Morrison (which I still don't possess). So far, I have finished Book Two only. And am dying to get my hands on the blasted guides...

2. Finish my Switzerland video. My mum keeps nagging. So far, I've only burnt disc one. Two more to go.

3. Continue old story. So far, I've written only one and a half pages on microsoft word.

4. Read all the romance novels that I bought from my cousin, even though I wasn't very eager at first.

More coming next time...

Have to go. Yashira wants us to go Holland V. Leila's birthday present apparently... Hm.

Desperately wanted to paste a quote from Lymond so there it is at the side. Not very encouraging, I know.

Finally finished burning all birdieocracy videos. Phew.

Feeling extremely demoralised in school. Besides the fact that I am what seems like miles shorter than everyone else, I am also failing every single exercise I attempt to do with the exception of maths asignments. I can't seem to pass a single chem prac. I failed chem lec test. Phy lec test. Bio beetroot prac. Sometimes I wonder. Do I really belong where I am? I never do feel truly belonged anywhere.

I'm just the spoon in the bowl of soup.

Was having brunch at about 11.30 am this morning. Was eating with sis... and watching tv... peacefully. When lo and behold, a huge wasp appeared into the dining room. It was the size of my palm... which isn't that small. And, it was flying so low, you would think it was having fun skimming its legs on the tabletop. I screamed. Then my sister spotted it too and screamed. And we dived, sprawling onto the carpeted floor, grabbing onto each other's shirts and clawing each other like neurotic cats. You see, each was trying to get under the other so as to shield herself from the wasp. In the midst of the tangling of limbs, I managed to seize today's Life! and used it to cover my head. My sister screamed again, realising she had nothing to protect her, and made a mad dash away from the dining area, towards our balcony. I, feeling abandoned and exposed, screamed and ran after her. All this happened within 4 seconds max.

By then, my maid had come out of the kitchen thinking we were attacked by vicious creatures. My sis and me, at the balcony, by then doubling up over our laughter, pointed to the window and cried, "Ada benda kat situ!" translated into English, "Wasp! Wasp!"

The poor creature, probably tired of all the noise, was already out the window.

Brunch was half spoiled. We couldnt stop laughing after that.

***

Birdiecracy outing was fun yesterday. Especially the Pictionary and Taboo games at Kino... Hahahaha. Was watching the video... couldnt stop laughing at some parts.. hilarious, I tell you...

DV 14 Part One is finally up on schnoogle. It's waaaaaaaay tooooo short. Although Part Two is coming, I think Part One is still toooo short!!!! I want more!

Ginny almost killed herself. Stupid girl. Pansy died. NO loss. Which means... only two more students will die!!!! Remember Cassie said three students will die by the end of DT? One down... two to go. I'm preparing myself for the worst - which basically means both Draco and Harry dying. Oh yes... almost started tearing at the part where Draco asked Harry if there were stars in the night sky because he couldn't see them!!!

Schooling in Singapore

Caught in the midst of this rat race,
Everyone wound up in this paper chase,
Your worth is measured by the distinctions you scored,
The more the better, the more you’re adored.
But really, nothing, nothing will ever be enough,
Who cares if getting where you are was tough?
Anything short of perfection is scorned,
And anything less than the ideal mourned.
Now perfection is all well and good,
And I would be perfect if I could.
But this endless academic quest
To hoard As in a paper treasure chest –
For what purpose, for what aim?
For security, for fear of shame.
Because eight As will be dismal compared to nine,
And six and seven not at all fine.
Throw your interests out the window,
Math and Science are all you need to know.
You see, pursuing your passions is just too risky,
And to falter would be all too easy.
Who cares about gratitude or humility,
Courtesy, sincerity or generosity?
In this race it’s every man for himself,
Keep up those As, or you’ll be left on the shelf.



I say this should be published in the newspaper. Speaks for all Singaporean youngsters.


Anyway, The Last Samurai was FANTASTIC. I loved it. It's another movie where I can appreciate the fighting scenes.

Back from collecting results. 6 points. Sad B3 for Malay and Lit/SS. Hm. But happy overall! I can stay in RJ. :)

More INFP thingys.

You birds will laugh your heads off at this. I swear.

INFPs feels tremendous loyalty and commitment to their relationships. With the Feeling preference dominating their personality, harmony and warm feelings are central to the INFP's being. They feel a need to be in a committed, loving relationship. If they are not involved in such a relationship, the INFP will be either actively searching for one, or creating one in their own minds.

Oh man... I need to get a grip with reality.

Today's THE big day. In an hour's time, I'll be off to meet dearest 409 and we'll all, in the words of Evelyn, "gan cheong" together till they hand the dreaded slips out. I don't exactly know how I feel. I'm not that nervous... but I think it's because I'm making myself not think about the papers and the specific questions which I found hard to answer. And I guess my poor memory helps... Can't remember anything anyway. My nervousness is somewhere deep down inside... I'm deliberately suppressing it. I do not want to be hyperventilating the whole day. I just hope that when I'm in the hall, all that suppressed energy doesn't burst out... I'll faint.

Will come back later today to post about my results. But maybe I won't. If I'm too depressed, all I'll do is sit at one corner and think and cry and think and cry and think and finally get over it and come back to reality. Hope that doesn't take too long because I have tons of homework for Monday.

Hm. Been reading about my personality type again. Apparently, I'm the Healer type. I should be the healer... not duck. Hee. Very accurate account of INFPs here...

Healers have a profound sense of idealism derived from a strong personal morality, and they conceive of the world as an ethical, honorable place. Indeed, to understand Healers, we must understand their idealism as almost boundless and selfless, inspiring them to make extraordinary sacrifices for someone or something they believe in. The Healer is the Prince or Princess of fairytale, the King's Champion or Defender of the Faith, like Sir Galahad or Joan of Arc. Healers are found in only 1 percent of the general population, although, at times, their idealism leaves them feeling even more isolated from the rest of humanity.

Far-fetched as it may seem, it's really quite accurate. I think I have this too idealistic view of people. I think that everyone is good. How can they not be? We all started as young children, innocent and pure. So doesn't it mean that everyone, deep inside, wants to be good? Even Hitler, say. He must have been a normal kid. Extremely smart, of course. But something happened that made him do certain things. Wasn't it something about his father...? Can't remember. It seems to me like he was taking revenge on the Jews for hurting him or something... Hm. The weird thing is that I always feel that these 'bad guys' just need a good talking to, to realise their bad ways. That is why I'm more and more certain that I want to be a psychologist.

Yay! INFPs are such great people! Joan of Arc!!! I'd like to sacrifice for my beliefs if it is required of me. I don't know if I'm brave enough. But I'd like to. Actually, I've always dreamed of playing a big part in defending Islam... the way it's being prosecuted these days... so saddening. Hm.

And you have no idea how alone I feel sometimes.

OMG.... this description is just too accurate for words. I have to log off. Feeling extremely depressed. INFPs have such sad lives.

Link here.
Link here too.

Had to type this in. INFPs are talented writers! Let's hope my O-level English essay impressed the markers... I need my English A1!

INFPs are usually talented writers. They may be awkward and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they're feeling on paper. INFPs also appear frequently in social service professions, such as counseling or teaching. They are at their best in situations where they're working towards the public good, and in which they don't need to use hard logic.

Lately, I've been thinking... about my future. Now that we're all in college, I've realised we're a step closer to entering the real world. And I was still clueless about what I wanted to be. Do I really want to be a doctor? The long hours...? All that gory blood? And cutting up of dead bodies? I thought I wanted to... But I don't know anymore. I'm thinking... that maybe... I'd like to do psychology. If not, then biological research.

I checked my personality type and it confirmed that popular careers for INFPs included psychologists and researchers. YAY. I know myself.

OMG. I just typed a whole entry but all of it vanished with my clicking of the 'POST' button and the simultaneous cut-off of my internet connection. ARGH. Feel like screaming. This is NOT my day.

I am so terribly exhausted.

It's funny how... at some points of time, certain things can seem so fun and at other times... they don't. How extremely strange life is. Sigh.

Throat hurts badly. Manu claims she passed it to me.

I see my entry is going to be an accumulation of chopped up sentences. What a horror. I have lost the ability to write simple continuous paragraphs. Argh.

Today's bio prac was the first time in which I understood what I had to do. Did it with Jean cause Jessica didnt come to school. Ate the oranges which we didn't squeeze. Delicious... though Jean claimed her's tasted bitter. Must have been contaminated by the DCIP solution thingy. Heh.

Have work to do but am deliberately pushing it aside. It's always HOMEWORK, HOMEWORK, HOMEWORK. Singaporean students have no life. Partly envious of Jiawen. I would love to have the opportunity to learn in a different sort of environment...

OMG!!! Smallville is coming back!!! On Tuesdays at 10 pm!! Thank god it's 10 pm or else I wouldn't be able to watch... it'd be too late in the night. Yay!!! Can't wait... two more weeks!