picture in my mind

I find it so hard to be happy for long nowadays. Depression has become so normal.

People can see it in my face, sometimes, I think. Samuel saw me today and said I looked tired. But I wasn't, really. I just felt down. Emotionally tired but not physically tired. I don't know why. I should learn to find joy in those happy little things that happen, right? But now that I think of it... Those happy little things come rarely too.

It's the whole thing about promos and getting good grades, I think. My whole life has transformed into this obsession over school. School. School. School. It's really giving me a headache. If it's not all the homework I'm having trouble keeping up with, it's all the CCA responsibilities I have to fulfill. I'm taking all these the wrong way. I must be. All this school experiences should be enriching. Why am I feeling as though I'm being drained of all my energy instead? I feel like I'm running endlessly, running and chasing... god knows what. My As. The dream of a scholarship. I want those, don't I? I do. I really think I do. But why then... do I not have the enthusiasm to keep going? Why am I not feeling completely happy?

I think what I need is to pray more. I shall strive to find that inner peace.

*****

Ramblings aside, I shall say that I read Yeo Lay's (Ex physics teacher) favourite book, Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom. It hasn't become my favourite book but I highly recommend it to anyone. I think I cried over it more than I have over any other book. It's very enlightening. It sort of sums up all the lessons I've heard of about life... What to think about death, about family, about love, about aging and the meaning of life. I finished it within a few hours. An easy read.

Oh. I paid the $21 premiere library membership fee and borrowed the cds. Haha.

And I watched The Village. Most people say it sucks but frankly, I like it. Not an entirely fantastic movie, but I like it. Shyamalan is still a genius to me. Some think it a waste of money because they entered the movie theatre with all the hope of receiving a good, entertaining scare and not a good story. You want that, go watch Ju-on. I think everything that happened in the story fell perfectly into place at the end. It's the kind of story that makes you want to recall everything from the beginning to end.

Maybe not Shyamalan's best work (That's still Sixth Sense, I think), but still a good piece of story.