Therapy can be filled with hilarious moments, as well as horrifying ones. And sometimes, those two can overlap -- once, I felt like gasping in shock and laughing at the same time.

I was testing a child on blending of phonemes i.e. asking him to join sounds such as "fff", "aaa" and "mmm" and to tell me what word they formed together. He clearly had trouble with this, and hence his atrocious reading skills -- so I kept modeling it, and he unsurprisingly got bored and distracted. So I asked his Mum sitting next to him to help me model for him as well, and asked her to blend 3 phonemes. Except Mummy looked at me blankly when I asked her to do it -- and I'm like ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

OMG, Mummy! You also got reading issues ah! And what do I do at that point, but kinda like go, Hahaha, it's all right, Mummy, this is quite tough. We'll practice more of this with him next time okay...

@.@

Alamak, how you expect the kid to know this when the parent doesn't.

Then again, I'm forgetting -- non-phonetic languages like Chinese might not be based on phonological awareness skills, which means it's okay for purely Chinese-speaking adults to be poor in this? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Interesting.

And this entry is becoming some sort of professional-reflection-journal or something. Not my intention.

Goodnight!

---

Rich Man, Poor Woman SP!

Hilarious scene, seriously.

I'm almost done with Quiet by Susan Cain -- and it has been a good read; very relatable and lots of practical advice on how to live happily and successfully as an introvert in today's world. For example, it has a chapter titled, When Should You Act More Extroverted? Introverts can somehow find energy to do extroverted stuff like giving public talks, sharing with big groups of people or networking when it's to do with one's passions or what are called core personal projects. But after doing so, introverts should allow themselves to retreat to their personal spaces to recuperate and return to their natural selves. Apparently, it's not an uncommon thing for big and famous introverts to step off from the podium and then go to a toilet cubicle to get some alone time -- and that this is okay. Personally, I have never resorted to this. :O Then again, I've never given public speeches.

It is important that introverts sacrifice their comfort zones for true passions i.e. core personal projects. Otherwise, if one insists on being pseudo-extroverts for whatever random gain, one risks burnout and in worse cases, depression.

... there are three key steps to identifying your core personal projects.

First, think back to what you loved to do when you were a child. How did you answer the question of what you wanted to be when you grew up? The specific answer you gave may have been off the mark, but the underlying impulse was not. If you wanted to be a fireman, what did a fireman mean to you? A good man who rescued people from distress? A daredevil? Or the simple pleasure of operating a truck? If you wanted to be dancer, was it because you got to wear a costume, or because you craved applause, or was it the pure joy of twirling around at lightning speed? You may have known more about who you were then than you do now.

Second, pay attention to the work you gravitate to. At my law firm I never once volunteered to take on extra corporate legal assignment, but I did spend a lot of time doing pro bono work for a nonprofit women's leadership organization. I also sat on several law firm committees dedicated to mentoring, training, and personal development for young lawyers in the firm. Now, as you can probably tell from this book, I am not the committee type. But the goals of those committees lit me up, so that's what I did.

Finally, pay attention to what you envy. Jealousy is an ugly emotion, but it tells the truth. You mostly envy those who have what you desire. I met my own envy after some of my former law school classmates got together and compared notes on alumni career tracks. They spoke with admiration and, yes, jealousy, of a classmate who argued regularly before the Supreme Court. At first I felt critical. More power to that classmate! I thought, congratulating myself on my magnanimity. Then I realised my largesse came cheap, because I didn't aspire to argue a case before the Supreme Court, or to any of the other accolades of lawyering. When I asked myself whom I did envy, the answer came back instantly. My college classmates who'd grown up to be writers or psychologists. Today, I'm pursuing my own version of both those roles.

- Quiet, When Should You Act More  Extroverted?

Currently reading Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain -- 

my sentiments: dear book, why couldn't you have come sooner in my life! it could have saved me a lot of pain while growing up.

It basically vindicates quiet people or introverts and shows how awesome and necessary quiet, solitude, and people who love those two are.

It quotes Kafka, who had to explain to his fiancee why he needed time alone to do his genius:

You once said that you would like to sit beside me while I write. Listen, in that case I could not write at all. For writing means revealing oneself to excess; that utmost of self-revelation and surrender, in which a human being, when involved with others, would feel he was losing himself, and from which, therefore, he will always shrink as long as he is in his right mind... That is why one can never be alone enough when one writes, why there can never be enough silence around one when one writes, why even night is not night enough.

At this late hour -- the brain is actually asleep, and whatever is left takes over.

---

How will we paint tomorrow?

even in the brand new future

sadness spills over

staining the heart

Still working through my re-watch of Hanadan. (:

Oshiawase ni.

I totally love Tsukushi -- adorable, gutsy, brave girl.

yes, she is, Domyouji!

---

and... hello, long weekend! :D

the little girls from Qatar are back for a short holiday, and it will be a busy weekend, yay. Also, I have my first Arabic exam coming up -- did I say I've resumed my Arabic? I have! I shall ganbarimasu and be more awesome at this than ever before (and not completely mix up my non-English, non-Malay vocabulary, hehe).

Time is a tricky thing, isn't it. 

Depending on one's reference point, something can feel like it's been forever, and something else can feel like it was only yesterday.

I've been rewatching Hanadan! 

I've sorta calculated that I do this about every 2 years or so, haha.

And I've also revisited my love for Utada Hikaru's songs -- seriously, I used to have her on repeat like all day or something and knew every word by heart.

---


And Domyouji/Makino -- love them so much. This show, it makes me laugh so hard, and makes me cry so bad. Japan! When will you produce another magic like Hanadan!

DOUMYOUJI: Hello.
MAKINO: Uh… um… It’s me, Makino.

DOUMYOUJI: Oh.

MAKINO: Can you talk right now?

DOUMYOUJI: Sure. I can talk.

MAKINO: We haven’t done this in a while huh? We haven’t used these phones…

DOUMYOUJI: You’re… right. What’s wrong? Are you crying?

MAKINO: I’m sorry. I’m not crying. You know… You know what? Talking to you… on this phone… is such an amazing thing. I thought… I would never… ever hear your voice from this again.

DOUMYOUJI: Makino.

MAKINO: This Sunday…

DOUMYOUJI: Eh?

MAKINO: Ebisu Garden Place… Clock Tower Square, at 1 o’clock!

wah! I like this:

realize that anything worth doing is worth doing badly

from The Rules To Be Happy

friday = love

I'm seriously in love with Friday. At this point, nothing makes me happier, haha. (:

I've had such a wonderful Friday today -- only two patients the entire day (complex but interesting, and I probably bombed my evaluation on both, but what the heck, M was still so nice to me after). Also, my afternoon was spent writing up patient notes at a relaxing pace, because my clinic slots are still empty. Then I met up with my SLP classmates -- who are really some of the best people I have ever known -- and our dinner made my entire day, and my entire week.

If this is my support system in this field, I can survive this, and I can succeed in this profession, God-willing. I am so grateful for this bunch of people -- my heart feels full.

A real connection is almost palpable; and therefore touches you.

---

I wish I had more adorable girls in therapy -- but if they're able to do stuff like this, then duh, they probably don't need my services.

This is the famous Japanese-American girl, Nina, whose early childhood days were documented on youtube and remains one of the cutest things ever on the web. 

(My mum says she looks like I did when I was teeny, but I was cuter, heee. :P)

This one, when Nina can't say "k" -- dad could have tried pressing down on her tongue with a tongue depressor or a lollipop! That would have helped. But anyways -- totally okay if she's not saying "k" when she's this teeeeny!

----

And this is the vlog episode with Lizzie Bennett and Mr Darcy finally getting together (somewhat non-halal, sorreh) -- god, I adore these two! I don't think I've ever hated any version of the Lizzie/Darcy pairing. I practically had to slap my mouth to stop from fan-squealing while on the train.
This has been an excellent internet production; probably best ever.

Whatever you lost through the stroke of destiny,
Know it was to save you from adversity.
One small affliction keeps off greater afflictions;
One small loss prevents greater losses.

- Rumi

You can only work to be one of two things in this world:

rahmah or fitnah;

a mercy to others or a tribulation.

Today, while writing up some typical patient notes -- Child attempted to gain attention by lightly tapping on SLT's hand -- I felt an insane impulse to add to it: IT WAS SO CUTE!!!!! Patient notes are meant to be formal and concise and straightforward; this is of course very un-me, and I often feel the crazy urge to be random, flowery or rambly, just so I can convey with more feeling how the child appeared to me. (Seriously the kid was so cute; boring patient notes cannot do him justice.)

---

Love this. Fuzzy, warm feelings in my chest.

They make me feel all ganbatte about work and the future. (:

The sky never ever forgets the memories even when we are apart
There won't be another season when I'll meet someone else
that I'll love this much
Shine more, my awesome lady
Surely, my feelings will reach you softly
Believing is everything
There is no night without dawn
Believing is everything
Love so sweet.

What I struggled to put into words when we were discussing marriage today!

... a great degree of happiness actually comes from pleasing others and in a relationship, that would be each partner doing their utmost to please the other. To a large extent, happiness is a derivative of that, rather than assuming that, as Alice says, we can or should feel happy all of the time. More important that ‘finding happiness’, which actually I think is the cause of a lot of unhappiness, is I would suggest serving certain principles and ideals, working together as a couple to seek to achieve them and happiness will be derived from working together as a couple towards these.

from mfcerrah

rurouni kenshin = kakkoi

omg, I loved the movie!

I didn't have great expectations for it because of the lukewarm reviews. I started out intending to watch maybe a half hour of it, but I ended up finishing the whole thing on a worknight -- couldn't stop! Maybe it's cause I haven't seen the full anime so I had nothing to compare it to; so I finally discovered the awesomeness that is Himura Kenshin and became enthralled. The fighting was pretty fascinating too.

Ah, I do love heroes. Don't we all? Which is why -- I generally dig the shows or stories with clear hero archetypes.

---

When we hit a wall, what can we do but take a step back, and pray that we find a way through.

The past Saturday, my sis, parents and I were stuck in a traffic jam in Johor till ~1.30am because of a Chingay event taking up road space; we had been warned about it during the course of the day's shopping but we had not anticipated the extent of its effect on the entire pusat bandaraya. It was nutso~~~~~!!! and hilarious to recall. We had set off for home at 8+ pm but by 9.30-ish the traffic was crawling at ant's pace, and by 10-ish, we were stationary. It felt like the entire city simply shut down and witnessed the chingay.

After some irritating squabbling and finger-pointing amongst ourselves in the car, my dad pulled over and shut down the engine and we whiled away the hours while the chingay people had their fill of the fireworks and the singing and the merry fun. The entire highway was filled with people lounging around their stationary cars and chatting each other up and fanning ourselves against the heat. I was sprawled across the backseat watching a movie on my iPhone (leftovers from my Spain trip stash, hehe, thank goodness). My sister described how further down the road at the Shell kiosk, the scene was ala end-of-the-world, with cars packed in the roads but stationary or abandoned, and dark roads (because they had switched off the lights for Chingay light effects, wooh!) and people queueing up for basic amenities -- i.e. toilet.

All-in-all, quite the adventure.

---

Been listening to the Bayyinah app on the way to work for the past 2 months (oh, how time flies!), and Allah bless our tireless teachers who impart such valuable knowledge. I feel like I've learnt so much from listening to so little, and it's been helping me keep life and work in perspective, Alhamdulillah. yay. (:

I really like this Arashi song, Wild at Heart!

Maybe it's the bouncy-ness of it, that reminds me of the early days when I fell for Arashi (and JE as a whole). Arashi = they make you feel less crummy when you're having a bad day.

If you've overburdened yourself, throw it all away
Leave tomorrow  to how tomorrow wants to handle it
Nobody knows what will happen in the future
All we need to do is live the present, 

Let's go

Wah, I actually really agree with this. And if there's one thing that I regret about jumping ship into speech therapy, it's leaving the fascinating but difficult world of coding. And my god, I too have said before I'm sure: they should have taught us to code in school! It really is a creative process.



hey, who knows, maybe in the future, I can code and make one of those software therapy program thingys. hmmmmmm.

Blogging juices running out. Finally... otona no ka...?

I still have the same running thoughts though. One that has been making its rounds in my head is a memory of S and me at City Hall MRT station, while we sat on the steps leading up to the shopping mall, and we were waiting and chatting. I remember telling her that you know, it's great, I think this field is where I'd finally find my place and niche, and in turn I asked her how satisfying her work was and her future would be doing what she was doing -- and I remember her looking at me with a half smile, and saying: how she was bigger than anything she did.

It made me stop then, because oh my goodness, isn't it true. Dear old friend, some of the things you have said with such nonchalant wisdom, stay with me.

I think deep down, we all know this, but we're so insecure, we latch onto man-made labels to give ourselves worth. But truly, life is best lived if you don't box yourself into any imaginary boundaries -- professional or otherwise -- but rather live with great purposes in mind, be it to better the self or the community and world at large. And then truly, the world is your oyster.

In relation to this, I remember a younger girl I'd met when I was doing that brief research stint at IBN: she was all hard-working and trying to gain credits so she'd be a shoo-in to medical school. I just conversationally asked her, "What if you don't get to become a doctor?" In response, she widened her eyes and gave me an are-you-insane-that-is-not-an-option look. I added, "I'm sure there'll be other ways you can still do great things and help the community..." At which point, she decided the conversation had to end. 

Seriously, isn't it that if there is awesomeness, awesomeness will shine forth regardless? And that really, the ultimate goal is to be an awesome human being.

I hope I make sense. 

Sleep calls, and tomorrow's mountain load of work awaits.

It is a life skill to be able to both zoom out to look at the big picture, and zoom in to examine the details. 

Game of Thrones SPOILERS

Because I never got this far into the book, I didn't know this was coming.

I was quite traumatized. That was one of the best execution scenes I've ever seen. How the whole thing, plus Sean Bean's acting chops, were put together -- to show the sad end of this honourable man, just, it takes my breath away. :'( I wish he'd shouted into the crowd instead about the evil, lying, Lannisters, and how Geoffrey is a child of incest and not a Baratheon, heir to the throne; but of course he confessed instead to a crime he did not commit, to save his daughters. Goodness, I cried like a baby. The best man, maybe in the entire realm, is dead. 

The quite unbelievable thing about this whole series is that somehow, only the House of Stark appears to have honour. Every other individual saves its own skin. And what is the message here, huh -- that honour and nobility necessarily brings with it bloodshed and suffering? :( Nobility is a rare and beautiful thing.

this is quite cool! this guy basically makes covers of famous pop songs, 

but imbues them with spiritual meaning. 

And now I
Know I can't be the only one
I bet there's hearts all over the world tonight
With the love of their life
Who feel the way I feel when I'm
With You, With You, With You, With You, Ya Rahman!

Little girls are totes adorbs, as Lydia Bennet would say. (: 

They talk so much more than little boys, play with others more, negotiate more, ask you the most hilarious questions, and are so so sweet. Little boys bounce around too much, it's exhausting (and most of my therapy kids are boys! no surprise). Although Abbas yesterday was so cute and gave away his goodie bag candies to us cause he said he didn't like to eat them.

---

It's a comfort to find super-veteran speech language therapists recounting their first clients and saying they came out of their first session in tears. Because honestly, at times, after a session, I'm like, I can't do this. It's too hard and insane. So I can believe there's hope for me to become awesome still, and all this failure and cluelessness right now is part of the natural journey. I saw a video of a therapist talking about how her first client was a Down's syndrome child with, omg, a cleft palate and severe hearing loss, and she left the room to cry and promptly announce that she quit, haha. Except the doctor was an awesome man: he gave her a box of tissues, told her to compose herself, get back in, and throw her textbook knowledge out the window. Just observe the child and learn.

The past week, I had at least three meltdowns in session, where there was serious screaming. One boy was screaming on the floor and refused to get up, seriously. The other one screamed the moment you move any toy an inch from its original position. Neither of these are speech and language problems per se, but kids come with a myriad of issues and we have to deal with them anyway. When they finally leave, I feel like clawing my cheeks.

Failures are the doors to success, yes.

The moment when you truly realize that this life is only temporary.

It is always the case that when you thought you knew something, you find out more about it, and then realise, no, you didn't really know it. And it applies to every aspect of life and learning, I think.




Like, my goodness, my therapy sessions -- O.O

Every time I think I have prepared enough, that I have it all in my head, that I've seen this done before, I see a high complexity case, and... crash and burn. The learning curve is so steep, it's almost a vertical cliff and I'm clinging on for dear life. Subhanallah, this life is really a place of struggling.

My personal reminder = every day is a struggle for a better self.

If I'd known less about The Mortal Instruments, I might give this a pass. But because this is the movie adaptation of Cassandra Claire's best-selling series and CC was someone (HarryPotter fanfiction writer) I used to follow with such devotion in my younger years, I have to check this out. I never got round to reading the book, but I am still nonetheless fascinated. It's really kind of cool that she used to be this online persona that we gravitated toward and whose writing enthralled us (plagiarism aside).

But the biggest point of watching is of course, the fact that Jace, by all impressions, is simply DT!Draco by another name, in another verse. I'd probably dissect him from the very first scene, and compare every minute detail.

---

I love this! 

Nouman Ali Khan says, "You all should be happy! So that others will ask, why are you so happy? And you go, ...La ila ha ilallah"

:D Muhammad Rasulullah.

It's really getting bad -- family dinner tonight consisted of us totally thrashing PAP to bits about Population White Paper and wanting to migrate somewhere decent, and then concluding there isn't any place much great to go anyway, and besides -- I think, why be the very thing that irritates me about Singapore right now? I don't want to be a foreigner crowding some other people's country. Seriously, honestly, I have many non-SG friends -- but this situation is truly upsetting a lot of people and stirring up xenophobic feelings. Please let's not become Dubai, a place I have decided I dislike. Can we please be a country about  building a Singaporean community and not a machine concerned about making enough money? Priorities, please.

And I like this blog post: Rape of our nation.

---

on a happy note, meet-up earlier today!

heart.

How much we love what comforts us in difficult times.

---

Every Singaporean is sort of up in arms about this whole population projection of 6.9 million on our tiny island, no? I am exhausted with our pace of life, our packed roads and overcrowded public transport. Surely, we can afford to slow down? Why this sprinting forever and ever and ever? PAP will reason in parrot style: for the sake of economic growth etc etc and competitive edge in a global world etc etc and oh the low fertility rate etc etc -- oh,  please.

I want to believe in greater ideals than prosperity. Economic success can take a back seat. And it's true -- we should lower our standard of living. Seriously, what's the point. My sister and I keep fantasising about living in a corner of the world and growing our own food. Why can't we just live at a sane pace?

Hey, I hear the Aussies get off work at 4.30 on the dot, and everyone goes home to have a life. Why can't we have that? 

PAP -- you want babies? Let Singapore and Singaporeans value life and value people.

Merlin: Show no fear, speak boldly, answer them as their King.

Arthur: I've nothing to worry about, right, I mean, you've had a vision, I'm going to be King, everything's going to be fine. Fate is guaranteed.

Merlin: No.

Arthur: No?

Merlin: If you die, the visions will change. Fate can go begging. Destiny, has to be won.

- Camelot

NwP nostalgia

of characters so heartbreakingly authentic

 It gets it, as in it really gets what high school is all about, that different planet we’ve ALL been to, where the drama and the heightened emotions and the clique wars and the desire for validation and the puppy love and the tortured ruminations matter more than they ever will by the time we’re these Big Old Boring Grownups. 

 An eventful week it has been.

And my God, I miss my classmates so bad, and can't wait to meet up next week. I feel like the moment we see each other, we're all going to go, "Guys!!! It has been so scary!!!" and cry/whine in each other's arms.

---

And here I am on a Saturday, procrastinating on the mugging I have to do -- getting all those developmental milestones in my head, and prepping for cases.

My excuse is that I'm trying to cheer myself up. 

These running man clips for instance, are hilarious: this dance-till-the-sticky-notes-on-you-fall-off never fails to crack me up. We totally should try this some time.

This song is sticking in my brain.

Someone had commented on youtube: This shall be the soundtrack of my life someday! Yes, it's quite lovely. And some day, yes, for me too, if it please God.

My work schedule is starting to crank up and I'll be spending my nights trying to learn new intervention strategies -- for instance, I feel like I'm trying to swallow the entire Hanen program whole (i.e. an early intervention program for pre-verbal children) -- before the next day dawns and I have to see children who can't yet say words, and I'm supposed to figure out how to help make them say words. If only I could download stuff into my brain like I do stuff into my thumbdrive.

Despite these supposed demands on my limited resources, the little-fangirl-in-me-that-lives-on-regardless is craving for something, because I feel like it's been some time since I've been into a good story. And my favourite fangirly-blogger has recommended a british tv show (yay for BBC!) called The Pillars of Earth (from the original book by Ken Follett), and man, I want to watch -- but oh god, I'm also trying to become an awesome therapist at the same time. God, remind me of my priorities.

Anyway, this is totally my cup of tea already because a) it is historical fiction, b) it is set in the 12th century, and c) apparently, there is an OTP.

Like my clients, maybe I will reward myself when I am good and achieve my goals.

Happy Maulid-ur Rasul!

All this non-stop rain -- must be blessings from above. It's been a blessed weekend and will be a blessed week, insya Allah. :) Also, today was the first of many many weddings this year. I can't even count, cause doing that will freak me out more. Every time I get an invitation, my mind scrambles around to check that I'll have company to go with.

That aside, Bismillah! for tomorrow. I'm officially seeing my own clients and am both scared out of my wits, and excited.

Every day is a struggle for a better self.

When I have a book on my mind, I have to go after it. It's like a craving. O.O

And KKH has a rental bookstore! It's tiny but I already spotted piles of Philippa Gregory, and that historical novel about Thomas Cromwell called Wolf Hall.

The Lizzie Bennet Diaries

These are so fun and cute and entertaining! 

They are fictional video blogs of a modern Elizabeth Bennet, and all her adventures as it happens in Austen's Pride and Prejudice. I tell you there is no end to the P&P obsession. 

We've already seen Bing Lee, when will Darcy finally appear!

---


Here it is - the Darcy/Lizzie confrontation! No P&P adaptation is complete without this scene.

this! totally how I create my own headaches.

a good day

There was a miracle today that should be recorded.

I found out today that I can wear my tudung to work!

Apparently, they'd just changed the policy only about a month back -- I had no idea, was resigned to the ridiculous, archaic, hospital policy, and was ready to figure out long-term strategies on how to find a way to fulfill my religious obligations in a secular environment, with options like going to the possible future Speaker of Parliament, Halimah Yaacob, for support. I'd known two years ago when I accepted their sponsorship, that I had to adhere to the department uniform. They gave me clear, repeated reminders about it too. So over the two years, my darling Muslim classmates worried with me, and we charted out plans. Khai told me how hospital staff attempted to fight for it before, except they never succeeded, but that I should try anyway. It seemed difficult and thorny, and all I prayed for was ease, somehow. And I remember thinking, God, only You know how it breaks my heart to do this.

So imagine how stunned I was this morning when the HR lady saw my photo, saw me, and was like, Hey! You know you can wear tudung! It's all right now! I was seriously happily stunned.

Khai was so cute and gets how this was such a big thing for me.

Alhamdulillah. and Masha Allah. :) It is true that Allah makes easy for the slave what He wishes.

---

Do you know, Philippa, what an unsuitable match is? It isn't the kind I shall have with Catherine d'Albon, or even the kind you will make with young Allendale. When one human being is trapped in the net of another's grand passion: then it comes about; and it is tragedy. It happened to Gavin and Sybilla. It is happening to Jerott and Marthe...

--Checkmate, Dorothy Dunnett

I read Lymond with older eyes now, and the more I see it, the more melodramatic I realise Francis was. What was that except a whole load of fear, and cowardly assumptions about Philippa's affections; he thought her love could never be comparable to his? Philippa, of course, initially could not understand him and insisted, you are not always right. Please listen. Please think. Are you sure, when it matters so much, that you know my feelings better than I do? And then it follows their famous exchange:

No, I'm not infallible. You might, without my crediting it, fall deeply in love and for ever, with some warped hunchback whelped in the gutter. I should equally stop you from taking him.

God in heaven, Do you think that I care?

I know you don't, But you must excuse the hunchback who does.

Francis pretty much admits here that he's scared! Except he says it in such pretty prose. It's ridiculous. Can someone be too smart that they become stupid? If he'd been less drama about it, Philippa might not have ended up doing crazy things which led to more real complications!

deja vu

It's a familiar scene right now, from years ago, when me and Jean used to slump over a study bench in RJ -- apparently, things don't change. She's still studying and we're still at a bench, just not in a school. I don't know if this is a happy event or not, but it's certainly comforting. If this girl (sorry, I mean, woman because she's far too sophisticated and wise now) had only told me that she had wanted to mug for a doctor test, I would have brought my ST books along as well, instead of pointlessly blogging.

So anyway, having a chat with this old friend, although short because she declared a study time-out, has been refreshing, and suddenly, I'm seeing some things a little clearer. It's strange, how sometimes, retracing our steps or returning to a comfortable place makes you realize things or go, Yar, why didn't I see that. Maybe when you're with someone from a previous life, you recall how you used to see the world.

I used to always think, God, let me redo that again, I think I can do it better this time, and had like a list of regrets (clearly, this was not a healthy habit for an adolescent on the edge of adulthood). I'm feeling a little like that now, but not so anguished like my old teen self. Just a little regretful, and wishing, I can just show how much better I am, now that I'm grown. Like Marx said while we chatted with him on our holiday, Why are we so stupid when we're young?

Jean is going to ask me to test her on hypertension or whatnot in a moment so I shall stop being unnecessarily emo now.

Before I forget, Alhamdulillah. Thank You for this Saturday morning.

On nights like this, I miss you extra, Mini. :'(

---

My sister just said to me, "Hey, you should watch What's Eating Gilbert Grape? since you're watching cacat stuffs."

!!! O.O

But okay, I'll go get that movie.

A happy new year to you. (:

Okay, 2013, here we go!

---

I watched  Lars and The Real Girl (properly this time round cause I'd only seen little snippets of it) after reading about it in a book called The Autism Matrix.

This scene is so cute! Actually, the whole feel of the film is sweet and touching, 

and Ryan Gosling is just all kinds of amazing.

Someone shared this, and I really like it:

Belief lifts your talent
Passion energizes your talent
Initiative activates your talent
Focus directs your talent
Preparation positions your talent
Practice sharpens your talent
Perseverance sustains your talent
Courage tests your talent
Teachability expands your talent
Character protects your talent
Relationships influence your talent
Responsibility strengthens your talent
Teamwork multiplies your talent
-- John C. Maxwell

Why doesn't Singapore have SLTs in our public schools??? I get so irritated by it, I feel like screaming. It does not help to tell a parent whose child needs speech language intervention to go to the hospital, because it makes it into a medical issue, which it isn't, most of the time. God, I feel so irritated, really. Only a fraction of speech and language difficulties are syndromic or medically-rooted; the rest just need a different kind of attention and teaching for language.

I've been giving feedback to parents of my research participants. When parents start unloading about their kids' difficulties and I realise that, hey, it sounds like there may be an issue, and I want to suggest, maybe you want to look into specialist help? and I mention hospital, parents get like this O.O !!! It's only understandable. I've been telling you my child has some trouble getting out a sentence and you want me to send him to the hospital? And then they start telling me, Errr, I don't think it's that bad...

It isn't that bad. And precisely because it isn't bad, that all the more reason, therapy will help so much and things will skyrocket and improve. But no -- we only get terrible, mostly intractable communication issues at hospitals, and all those who we can help, don't receive it. Ridiculous system that allows potentially successful children fall through our cracks. Stupid! SLT's should be in schools and help these kids.

Such ideas are always romantic, but how come no one says that they are also equally scary?

Because we recently installed a Samsung smart television at home and thence can surf youtube and the web on a very large screen, I stumbled on this:

I feel so proud of them, oddly. People of all ages say such wonderful things about them; and they're really becoming quite iconic. How can anyone not adore Arashi. It's true -- the other JE groups can look on with awe. Even SMAP, I say. 

This is one of my favourite bits from Shaykh Hamza. I have too many favourites from him, clearly, but this reminds me -- if you frame happiness with respect to God, the world really is beautiful, and it's all wonderful and uphill from here.

The Muslim Jesus

This was recommended by my brother, and now I recommend it especially to my Christian friends. (: A great and not very lengthy piece about Jesus a.s. from both religious perspectives, and conveyed in a very positive and balanced light, I feel.

“O my Lord, the stars are shining and the eyes of men are closed, and kings have shut their doors, and every lover is alone with his beloved, and here I am alone with Thee.”

- Rabiatul Adawiyah

There is not one ideal, but many.

I like this!

I think most of us have been at both ends of the single story, no? 

When you realise you were referring to a stereotype whilst in the real world, 

and when you encounter someone else trying to fit you into one.

---

On the plane rides this holiday, I managed to catch both installments
of Bokura Ga Ita (We Were There), starring Ikuta Toma and Yoshitaka Yuriko.

It was so, so lovely, and well-acted by both leads. I say trust the Japanese to make the best coming-of-age-growing-up stories. This made me cry like crazy even on the plane. It was thoughtful, sweet, reflective, so unbearably sad and heartbreaking, and yet filled me with hope and happiness about the world. I loved Yano and Nana to pieces by the end of the first film, and only learnt that there was a second movie on the way back to Singapore, and made sure I finished the second one too.

I find it interesting that Yano isn't featured at all in the trailer! And then I realise maybe that makes sense because it's mostly from Nana's point of view? And that Yano is just a memory; I tell you this story is heartbreaking and makes me want to cry even writing about it. I need to get this on DVD somehow.

If I die in this war, this combat with you,
I won't so much as sigh, for fear of troubling you.
I'll die with a smile, like a flower in your hand,
From the cruel charm with which you cut this wound.

Rumi

a final Ola!

It's the last night in Spain (noooo, I don't want to leave! meh...), and currently, in Barcelona.

After today's city rounds, I've finally understood the fuss about Antoni Gaudi's architectural work. It is awesome! and like something from a whimsical, fantasy land. The Sagrada Familia is simply an architectural marvel, with unique nest-like towers and all that sculptural detail. I kept wondering why people don't make buildings like this anymore. Why don't they!

Away from my holiday fun, I'm kinda stuck to the English news channels on television right now because of the Connecticut elementary school shooting. :( how horrific is this, man. I've always felt frustrated by the stupid gun policy US has, historically significant though it may be, and super grateful Singapore doesn't have to deal with stupid policy like this. Just ban civil ownership of arms, please! It's at least one thing you can do to counter the increase in violence within our societal consciousness.

One of the things that has been reinforced for me from my travels this time is that people invest the most in the most terrible things because the biggest industries in the world are... what? Drugs, porn, prostitution, alcohol, and firearms? Am I right? Eeeeesh.

I'd been seeing wineries and people demonstrating their love for alcohol, and just couldn't wrap my head around the gazillion numbers of varieties of alcohol, and the amount of resource and effort that goes into making something that does more harm than good. Seriously, people, why.

I am supposed to be on holiday, hello! Or rather, Ola! Tomorrow we are going to the Barcelona stadium that my brother declares he will visit or die trying -- I'm tagging along because there's nothing much else to do before we fly off and besides, I am the official photographer, hah. Also, I don't mind seeing Lionel Messi! Is it possible? :D

Another ola! from Seville

I'm standing along my hotel corridor (FYI: Hotel Alcora) where free but limited wifi is available, and blogging while hiding under my hoodie. I don't know why I'm doing this though, hah! It's like when there's wireless one must take advantage of it as much as possible. I wonder if this is a strange new world disease, haha.

Anyway.

Currently in Seville, Andalusia, South of Spain; we had a long journey today from Lisbon and only reached here near dusk. We managed to capture a few sights before it got dark -- gorgeous plazas. There's this little semi-secluded place called Plaza Elvira where the Jewish quarters of Seville used to be and it is such a pretty little place with fountains and orange trees and narrow cute alleys to die for. They have a few quaint hotels around there and in my head I'm scrawling this down as one of those little corners of the world I want to come back to and enjoy again in peace. In fact, I was thinking earlier about why people don't go to more awesome exotic places for their honeymoons! A quiet little piece of heaven that's just yours for this special time. Okay, it certainly isn't cheap... But omg, so pretty and special and unique and away from the world, I would fork out my $$$ for this, I would.

My online time is about to run out, so adios! Until the next wifi spot.

Ola from Porto, Portugal! :)

Although I'm not sure hello in Portuguese is the same as that in Spanish. I realize there are too many awesome languages I know zilch about and Spanish and Portuguese are just two of many. My father played a prank last night and called my hotel room just to say, "Muchos iglesias pistachio?", which of course makes no sense at all.

Anyway, Porto is a pretty coastal town with quaint little houses on the river banks. Every other thing we're visiting on this Iberian Peninsula is a UNESCO site. Things are ancient and cobble-stoned and Gothic or Baroque. It is photo heaven most of the time.

On to Fatima and Lisbon tomorrow! And I cannot get over how high-tech life is becoming now that I can blog from a corner of the world so far away from little Tampines, Singapore.

When December comes round, it's always a time for reflection of the past year.

Alhamdulillah for all the blessings I've been given, all the blessings I can't perceive, and all that I've yet to receive! (:

I've had a wonderful night, a memorable school experience, met and loved persons and so many people, and now there are burgeoning hopes for an exciting future. Being pleased that I am pleased? It's about rejoicing that I can enjoy all the blessings in life and not dwell on the things that hurt, and rejoicing that I can rejoice for others and be bigger than myself. My goodness, how could I not, with this many blessings.