this is quite cool! this guy basically makes covers of famous pop songs, 

but imbues them with spiritual meaning. 

And now I
Know I can't be the only one
I bet there's hearts all over the world tonight
With the love of their life
Who feel the way I feel when I'm
With You, With You, With You, With You, Ya Rahman!

Little girls are totes adorbs, as Lydia Bennet would say. (: 

They talk so much more than little boys, play with others more, negotiate more, ask you the most hilarious questions, and are so so sweet. Little boys bounce around too much, it's exhausting (and most of my therapy kids are boys! no surprise). Although Abbas yesterday was so cute and gave away his goodie bag candies to us cause he said he didn't like to eat them.

---

It's a comfort to find super-veteran speech language therapists recounting their first clients and saying they came out of their first session in tears. Because honestly, at times, after a session, I'm like, I can't do this. It's too hard and insane. So I can believe there's hope for me to become awesome still, and all this failure and cluelessness right now is part of the natural journey. I saw a video of a therapist talking about how her first client was a Down's syndrome child with, omg, a cleft palate and severe hearing loss, and she left the room to cry and promptly announce that she quit, haha. Except the doctor was an awesome man: he gave her a box of tissues, told her to compose herself, get back in, and throw her textbook knowledge out the window. Just observe the child and learn.

The past week, I had at least three meltdowns in session, where there was serious screaming. One boy was screaming on the floor and refused to get up, seriously. The other one screamed the moment you move any toy an inch from its original position. Neither of these are speech and language problems per se, but kids come with a myriad of issues and we have to deal with them anyway. When they finally leave, I feel like clawing my cheeks.

Failures are the doors to success, yes.

The moment when you truly realize that this life is only temporary.

It is always the case that when you thought you knew something, you find out more about it, and then realise, no, you didn't really know it. And it applies to every aspect of life and learning, I think.




Like, my goodness, my therapy sessions -- O.O

Every time I think I have prepared enough, that I have it all in my head, that I've seen this done before, I see a high complexity case, and... crash and burn. The learning curve is so steep, it's almost a vertical cliff and I'm clinging on for dear life. Subhanallah, this life is really a place of struggling.

My personal reminder = every day is a struggle for a better self.

If I'd known less about The Mortal Instruments, I might give this a pass. But because this is the movie adaptation of Cassandra Claire's best-selling series and CC was someone (HarryPotter fanfiction writer) I used to follow with such devotion in my younger years, I have to check this out. I never got round to reading the book, but I am still nonetheless fascinated. It's really kind of cool that she used to be this online persona that we gravitated toward and whose writing enthralled us (plagiarism aside).

But the biggest point of watching is of course, the fact that Jace, by all impressions, is simply DT!Draco by another name, in another verse. I'd probably dissect him from the very first scene, and compare every minute detail.

---

I love this! 

Nouman Ali Khan says, "You all should be happy! So that others will ask, why are you so happy? And you go, ...La ila ha ilallah"

:D Muhammad Rasulullah.

It's really getting bad -- family dinner tonight consisted of us totally thrashing PAP to bits about Population White Paper and wanting to migrate somewhere decent, and then concluding there isn't any place much great to go anyway, and besides -- I think, why be the very thing that irritates me about Singapore right now? I don't want to be a foreigner crowding some other people's country. Seriously, honestly, I have many non-SG friends -- but this situation is truly upsetting a lot of people and stirring up xenophobic feelings. Please let's not become Dubai, a place I have decided I dislike. Can we please be a country about  building a Singaporean community and not a machine concerned about making enough money? Priorities, please.

And I like this blog post: Rape of our nation.

---

on a happy note, meet-up earlier today!

heart.

How much we love what comforts us in difficult times.

---

Every Singaporean is sort of up in arms about this whole population projection of 6.9 million on our tiny island, no? I am exhausted with our pace of life, our packed roads and overcrowded public transport. Surely, we can afford to slow down? Why this sprinting forever and ever and ever? PAP will reason in parrot style: for the sake of economic growth etc etc and competitive edge in a global world etc etc and oh the low fertility rate etc etc -- oh,  please.

I want to believe in greater ideals than prosperity. Economic success can take a back seat. And it's true -- we should lower our standard of living. Seriously, what's the point. My sister and I keep fantasising about living in a corner of the world and growing our own food. Why can't we just live at a sane pace?

Hey, I hear the Aussies get off work at 4.30 on the dot, and everyone goes home to have a life. Why can't we have that? 

PAP -- you want babies? Let Singapore and Singaporeans value life and value people.

Merlin: Show no fear, speak boldly, answer them as their King.

Arthur: I've nothing to worry about, right, I mean, you've had a vision, I'm going to be King, everything's going to be fine. Fate is guaranteed.

Merlin: No.

Arthur: No?

Merlin: If you die, the visions will change. Fate can go begging. Destiny, has to be won.

- Camelot

NwP nostalgia

of characters so heartbreakingly authentic

 It gets it, as in it really gets what high school is all about, that different planet we’ve ALL been to, where the drama and the heightened emotions and the clique wars and the desire for validation and the puppy love and the tortured ruminations matter more than they ever will by the time we’re these Big Old Boring Grownups. 

 An eventful week it has been.

And my God, I miss my classmates so bad, and can't wait to meet up next week. I feel like the moment we see each other, we're all going to go, "Guys!!! It has been so scary!!!" and cry/whine in each other's arms.

---

And here I am on a Saturday, procrastinating on the mugging I have to do -- getting all those developmental milestones in my head, and prepping for cases.

My excuse is that I'm trying to cheer myself up. 

These running man clips for instance, are hilarious: this dance-till-the-sticky-notes-on-you-fall-off never fails to crack me up. We totally should try this some time.

This song is sticking in my brain.

Someone had commented on youtube: This shall be the soundtrack of my life someday! Yes, it's quite lovely. And some day, yes, for me too, if it please God.

My work schedule is starting to crank up and I'll be spending my nights trying to learn new intervention strategies -- for instance, I feel like I'm trying to swallow the entire Hanen program whole (i.e. an early intervention program for pre-verbal children) -- before the next day dawns and I have to see children who can't yet say words, and I'm supposed to figure out how to help make them say words. If only I could download stuff into my brain like I do stuff into my thumbdrive.

Despite these supposed demands on my limited resources, the little-fangirl-in-me-that-lives-on-regardless is craving for something, because I feel like it's been some time since I've been into a good story. And my favourite fangirly-blogger has recommended a british tv show (yay for BBC!) called The Pillars of Earth (from the original book by Ken Follett), and man, I want to watch -- but oh god, I'm also trying to become an awesome therapist at the same time. God, remind me of my priorities.

Anyway, this is totally my cup of tea already because a) it is historical fiction, b) it is set in the 12th century, and c) apparently, there is an OTP.

Like my clients, maybe I will reward myself when I am good and achieve my goals.

Happy Maulid-ur Rasul!

All this non-stop rain -- must be blessings from above. It's been a blessed weekend and will be a blessed week, insya Allah. :) Also, today was the first of many many weddings this year. I can't even count, cause doing that will freak me out more. Every time I get an invitation, my mind scrambles around to check that I'll have company to go with.

That aside, Bismillah! for tomorrow. I'm officially seeing my own clients and am both scared out of my wits, and excited.

Every day is a struggle for a better self.

When I have a book on my mind, I have to go after it. It's like a craving. O.O

And KKH has a rental bookstore! It's tiny but I already spotted piles of Philippa Gregory, and that historical novel about Thomas Cromwell called Wolf Hall.

The Lizzie Bennet Diaries

These are so fun and cute and entertaining! 

They are fictional video blogs of a modern Elizabeth Bennet, and all her adventures as it happens in Austen's Pride and Prejudice. I tell you there is no end to the P&P obsession. 

We've already seen Bing Lee, when will Darcy finally appear!

---


Here it is - the Darcy/Lizzie confrontation! No P&P adaptation is complete without this scene.

this! totally how I create my own headaches.

a good day

There was a miracle today that should be recorded.

I found out today that I can wear my tudung to work!

Apparently, they'd just changed the policy only about a month back -- I had no idea, was resigned to the ridiculous, archaic, hospital policy, and was ready to figure out long-term strategies on how to find a way to fulfill my religious obligations in a secular environment, with options like going to the possible future Speaker of Parliament, Halimah Yaacob, for support. I'd known two years ago when I accepted their sponsorship, that I had to adhere to the department uniform. They gave me clear, repeated reminders about it too. So over the two years, my darling Muslim classmates worried with me, and we charted out plans. Khai told me how hospital staff attempted to fight for it before, except they never succeeded, but that I should try anyway. It seemed difficult and thorny, and all I prayed for was ease, somehow. And I remember thinking, God, only You know how it breaks my heart to do this.

So imagine how stunned I was this morning when the HR lady saw my photo, saw me, and was like, Hey! You know you can wear tudung! It's all right now! I was seriously happily stunned.

Khai was so cute and gets how this was such a big thing for me.

Alhamdulillah. and Masha Allah. :) It is true that Allah makes easy for the slave what He wishes.

---

Do you know, Philippa, what an unsuitable match is? It isn't the kind I shall have with Catherine d'Albon, or even the kind you will make with young Allendale. When one human being is trapped in the net of another's grand passion: then it comes about; and it is tragedy. It happened to Gavin and Sybilla. It is happening to Jerott and Marthe...

--Checkmate, Dorothy Dunnett

I read Lymond with older eyes now, and the more I see it, the more melodramatic I realise Francis was. What was that except a whole load of fear, and cowardly assumptions about Philippa's affections; he thought her love could never be comparable to his? Philippa, of course, initially could not understand him and insisted, you are not always right. Please listen. Please think. Are you sure, when it matters so much, that you know my feelings better than I do? And then it follows their famous exchange:

No, I'm not infallible. You might, without my crediting it, fall deeply in love and for ever, with some warped hunchback whelped in the gutter. I should equally stop you from taking him.

God in heaven, Do you think that I care?

I know you don't, But you must excuse the hunchback who does.

Francis pretty much admits here that he's scared! Except he says it in such pretty prose. It's ridiculous. Can someone be too smart that they become stupid? If he'd been less drama about it, Philippa might not have ended up doing crazy things which led to more real complications!

deja vu

It's a familiar scene right now, from years ago, when me and Jean used to slump over a study bench in RJ -- apparently, things don't change. She's still studying and we're still at a bench, just not in a school. I don't know if this is a happy event or not, but it's certainly comforting. If this girl (sorry, I mean, woman because she's far too sophisticated and wise now) had only told me that she had wanted to mug for a doctor test, I would have brought my ST books along as well, instead of pointlessly blogging.

So anyway, having a chat with this old friend, although short because she declared a study time-out, has been refreshing, and suddenly, I'm seeing some things a little clearer. It's strange, how sometimes, retracing our steps or returning to a comfortable place makes you realize things or go, Yar, why didn't I see that. Maybe when you're with someone from a previous life, you recall how you used to see the world.

I used to always think, God, let me redo that again, I think I can do it better this time, and had like a list of regrets (clearly, this was not a healthy habit for an adolescent on the edge of adulthood). I'm feeling a little like that now, but not so anguished like my old teen self. Just a little regretful, and wishing, I can just show how much better I am, now that I'm grown. Like Marx said while we chatted with him on our holiday, Why are we so stupid when we're young?

Jean is going to ask me to test her on hypertension or whatnot in a moment so I shall stop being unnecessarily emo now.

Before I forget, Alhamdulillah. Thank You for this Saturday morning.

On nights like this, I miss you extra, Mini. :'(

---

My sister just said to me, "Hey, you should watch What's Eating Gilbert Grape? since you're watching cacat stuffs."

!!! O.O

But okay, I'll go get that movie.

A happy new year to you. (:

Okay, 2013, here we go!

---

I watched  Lars and The Real Girl (properly this time round cause I'd only seen little snippets of it) after reading about it in a book called The Autism Matrix.

This scene is so cute! Actually, the whole feel of the film is sweet and touching, 

and Ryan Gosling is just all kinds of amazing.

Someone shared this, and I really like it:

Belief lifts your talent
Passion energizes your talent
Initiative activates your talent
Focus directs your talent
Preparation positions your talent
Practice sharpens your talent
Perseverance sustains your talent
Courage tests your talent
Teachability expands your talent
Character protects your talent
Relationships influence your talent
Responsibility strengthens your talent
Teamwork multiplies your talent
-- John C. Maxwell

Why doesn't Singapore have SLTs in our public schools??? I get so irritated by it, I feel like screaming. It does not help to tell a parent whose child needs speech language intervention to go to the hospital, because it makes it into a medical issue, which it isn't, most of the time. God, I feel so irritated, really. Only a fraction of speech and language difficulties are syndromic or medically-rooted; the rest just need a different kind of attention and teaching for language.

I've been giving feedback to parents of my research participants. When parents start unloading about their kids' difficulties and I realise that, hey, it sounds like there may be an issue, and I want to suggest, maybe you want to look into specialist help? and I mention hospital, parents get like this O.O !!! It's only understandable. I've been telling you my child has some trouble getting out a sentence and you want me to send him to the hospital? And then they start telling me, Errr, I don't think it's that bad...

It isn't that bad. And precisely because it isn't bad, that all the more reason, therapy will help so much and things will skyrocket and improve. But no -- we only get terrible, mostly intractable communication issues at hospitals, and all those who we can help, don't receive it. Ridiculous system that allows potentially successful children fall through our cracks. Stupid! SLT's should be in schools and help these kids.

Such ideas are always romantic, but how come no one says that they are also equally scary?

Because we recently installed a Samsung smart television at home and thence can surf youtube and the web on a very large screen, I stumbled on this:

I feel so proud of them, oddly. People of all ages say such wonderful things about them; and they're really becoming quite iconic. How can anyone not adore Arashi. It's true -- the other JE groups can look on with awe. Even SMAP, I say. 

This is one of my favourite bits from Shaykh Hamza. I have too many favourites from him, clearly, but this reminds me -- if you frame happiness with respect to God, the world really is beautiful, and it's all wonderful and uphill from here.

The Muslim Jesus

This was recommended by my brother, and now I recommend it especially to my Christian friends. (: A great and not very lengthy piece about Jesus a.s. from both religious perspectives, and conveyed in a very positive and balanced light, I feel.

“O my Lord, the stars are shining and the eyes of men are closed, and kings have shut their doors, and every lover is alone with his beloved, and here I am alone with Thee.”

- Rabiatul Adawiyah

There is not one ideal, but many.

I like this!

I think most of us have been at both ends of the single story, no? 

When you realise you were referring to a stereotype whilst in the real world, 

and when you encounter someone else trying to fit you into one.

---

On the plane rides this holiday, I managed to catch both installments
of Bokura Ga Ita (We Were There), starring Ikuta Toma and Yoshitaka Yuriko.

It was so, so lovely, and well-acted by both leads. I say trust the Japanese to make the best coming-of-age-growing-up stories. This made me cry like crazy even on the plane. It was thoughtful, sweet, reflective, so unbearably sad and heartbreaking, and yet filled me with hope and happiness about the world. I loved Yano and Nana to pieces by the end of the first film, and only learnt that there was a second movie on the way back to Singapore, and made sure I finished the second one too.

I find it interesting that Yano isn't featured at all in the trailer! And then I realise maybe that makes sense because it's mostly from Nana's point of view? And that Yano is just a memory; I tell you this story is heartbreaking and makes me want to cry even writing about it. I need to get this on DVD somehow.

If I die in this war, this combat with you,
I won't so much as sigh, for fear of troubling you.
I'll die with a smile, like a flower in your hand,
From the cruel charm with which you cut this wound.

Rumi

a final Ola!

It's the last night in Spain (noooo, I don't want to leave! meh...), and currently, in Barcelona.

After today's city rounds, I've finally understood the fuss about Antoni Gaudi's architectural work. It is awesome! and like something from a whimsical, fantasy land. The Sagrada Familia is simply an architectural marvel, with unique nest-like towers and all that sculptural detail. I kept wondering why people don't make buildings like this anymore. Why don't they!

Away from my holiday fun, I'm kinda stuck to the English news channels on television right now because of the Connecticut elementary school shooting. :( how horrific is this, man. I've always felt frustrated by the stupid gun policy US has, historically significant though it may be, and super grateful Singapore doesn't have to deal with stupid policy like this. Just ban civil ownership of arms, please! It's at least one thing you can do to counter the increase in violence within our societal consciousness.

One of the things that has been reinforced for me from my travels this time is that people invest the most in the most terrible things because the biggest industries in the world are... what? Drugs, porn, prostitution, alcohol, and firearms? Am I right? Eeeeesh.

I'd been seeing wineries and people demonstrating their love for alcohol, and just couldn't wrap my head around the gazillion numbers of varieties of alcohol, and the amount of resource and effort that goes into making something that does more harm than good. Seriously, people, why.

I am supposed to be on holiday, hello! Or rather, Ola! Tomorrow we are going to the Barcelona stadium that my brother declares he will visit or die trying -- I'm tagging along because there's nothing much else to do before we fly off and besides, I am the official photographer, hah. Also, I don't mind seeing Lionel Messi! Is it possible? :D

Another ola! from Seville

I'm standing along my hotel corridor (FYI: Hotel Alcora) where free but limited wifi is available, and blogging while hiding under my hoodie. I don't know why I'm doing this though, hah! It's like when there's wireless one must take advantage of it as much as possible. I wonder if this is a strange new world disease, haha.

Anyway.

Currently in Seville, Andalusia, South of Spain; we had a long journey today from Lisbon and only reached here near dusk. We managed to capture a few sights before it got dark -- gorgeous plazas. There's this little semi-secluded place called Plaza Elvira where the Jewish quarters of Seville used to be and it is such a pretty little place with fountains and orange trees and narrow cute alleys to die for. They have a few quaint hotels around there and in my head I'm scrawling this down as one of those little corners of the world I want to come back to and enjoy again in peace. In fact, I was thinking earlier about why people don't go to more awesome exotic places for their honeymoons! A quiet little piece of heaven that's just yours for this special time. Okay, it certainly isn't cheap... But omg, so pretty and special and unique and away from the world, I would fork out my $$$ for this, I would.

My online time is about to run out, so adios! Until the next wifi spot.

Ola from Porto, Portugal! :)

Although I'm not sure hello in Portuguese is the same as that in Spanish. I realize there are too many awesome languages I know zilch about and Spanish and Portuguese are just two of many. My father played a prank last night and called my hotel room just to say, "Muchos iglesias pistachio?", which of course makes no sense at all.

Anyway, Porto is a pretty coastal town with quaint little houses on the river banks. Every other thing we're visiting on this Iberian Peninsula is a UNESCO site. Things are ancient and cobble-stoned and Gothic or Baroque. It is photo heaven most of the time.

On to Fatima and Lisbon tomorrow! And I cannot get over how high-tech life is becoming now that I can blog from a corner of the world so far away from little Tampines, Singapore.

When December comes round, it's always a time for reflection of the past year.

Alhamdulillah for all the blessings I've been given, all the blessings I can't perceive, and all that I've yet to receive! (:

I've had a wonderful night, a memorable school experience, met and loved persons and so many people, and now there are burgeoning hopes for an exciting future. Being pleased that I am pleased? It's about rejoicing that I can enjoy all the blessings in life and not dwell on the things that hurt, and rejoicing that I can rejoice for others and be bigger than myself. My goodness, how could I not, with this many blessings.

Downton Abbey SPOILERS!

It really seemed to take a thousand years for them.

There is rumour that Season 4 of Downton Abbey might not have Matthew Crawley in it. That, to me, is sheer ridiculousness; because not only is he the current heir to Downton and has major roles in so many subplots, but he is also half of the major OTP underlying this entire series. How on earth will the story stand without him? If they end up killing Matthew, my God, the (drama) world is cruel. Didn't Mary and Matthew just get together after a thousand years? How much heartache must Mary endure?

One more Matthew/Mary video because there are so many nice ones, I can barely stop!
And the song is omg-so-sad.

In line with the song itinerary we have planned for tomorrow's class party, I shall also post:

it's finished!

2 years of study done (provided I pass my CPI and vivas, especially the horrible one on child swallowing), and we're all leaving into our separate niches.

I'll miss this class to pieces.

:) Alhamdulillah, how pleased I am that I am pleased.

let the skyfall

Adele's voice is gorgeous and especially suited to a Bond song.

:((((((((((

Whyyyyy. I think my case interview didn't go very well. Irritated with self.

Crap, I just spoiled myself for Downton Abbey's Season 3! I thought they wouldn't keep killing off characters but they do.

But oh God, how can it be true. D': why must we have heartbreak, whyyyyyy.





There are moments when I get struck by the thought that I am far too old to blog. Am I? Somebody tell me.

Like if you're a mature adult, you should desist with the questions about the world and about life and about love, stop whining, and just get to working.

espana!

Ah, so exciting, the history of Spain.



We always hear about how the Renaissance started in Italy and they basically revived the learning of the classics; we rarely hear about how prior to that, people from all over Europe came to Toledo in Spain to find the Arabic texts and translations of the same Greek classics and all the newer sciences. I find it extremely awesome that apparently, an English philosopher called Daniel Morley went to Toledo, brought back to England an entire chest of translated texts, and handed them over to a bishop called John of Oxford, who wanted to establish a center of learning in Oxford.

Wow, I say. If only we paid more attention to history.

It is post placement! and I have been seriously having the laziest weekend in a long time. I feel like a slug, really. And I had to be shouted at to go down to the kitchen. I promise tomorrow I will not be a slug, woooh.

So with all the lazing, naturally, I will have tv updates:

* I finished Nice Guy and we had a happy ending!

But I still had issues with it, man. I have yet to come across a kdrama whose ending satisfies me completely. Yes, Maru and Eun Gi ended up together, and everyone, even the baddies, became better persons. But seriously, it bugs me that that there isn't enough catharsis for our OTP!!! All those years of repressed hurt and emotions, and then we only have them smiling at each other from the ends of a long bench??? O, my poor unsatisfied heart. It's very pretty and everything, but! I want the fireworks and bursting happiness, why don't you want to give us that, drama writers!

Which is why, I feel this drama gave more tribute to the Maru/Jae Hee love line because there was a superb scene between them that left me in a river of tears. (Too bad no one has posted that clip on youtube so I haven't got it at hand.) Basically, they had a confrontation scene where Maru talked about what happened between them in the past and the mistakes they both made, and both of them were crying like crazy, and I was crying like crazy. It was so sad. They were both mourning for a lost love and it was just one of the rawest emotional scenes I've ever watched! With that kind of drama, I was really anticipating the final scene between Maru and Eun Gi, but the one we got was rather disappointing. Maybe... the writer is just really good with tragedy, hah.

Takeaway from this drama: that Song Joong Ki and Moon Chae Won are AWESOME together. so please, let them be together again in another drama (or in real life, haha).

* I've devoured the entire of Downton Abbey Season 1 and have now started on Season 2.

I've always wanted to watch it and finally got the opportunity. The first episode didn't really pull me in, but my interest was piqued. Then slowly but surely, somewhere along the way, I was hooked, and now really love almost all the characters! Even the bad, evil ones!

---

Have to add in this epic trailer! for Downton Abbey. It'll make you want to watch this drama, but beware some SPOILERS.

:) I've been thinking that this is the formula:

Happiness comes from service, which comes from love, which comes from gratitude, which comes from reflection.

And you were born with a mind, so. Alhamdulillah!

The music gets annoying after a while, but here are some of the best Sherlock lines.


I want more!

Tomorrow last day of placement -- vivas the next few weeks but seriously, cannot wait for November to finish, have I said?

The nature of kufr is self-deception.

ah, kowai.

oh sad state of society?

I find this amusing! One of the comments on a dailymail article from the UK - Generation who refuse to grow up - that has one man saying something and the woman saying the exact opposite.

From my experience , when women don't want to settle down and have kids , they're labelled "liberated", and "Independant", but when men don't want to have a child or sign his life away to a woman , he's labeled childish and refuses to "grow up", well I think men are now seeing sense and realising those silly insults are just hypocritical , feminist nonsense , I'm a young man , and I NEVER want to marry , I've Learned from other men's mistakes , who've gone through years of HELL and then been turned over in the divorce courts , no thanks

- Man

It's the other way around. Women who don't settle or want kids are told 'Oh you don't know what you're missing!' and 'It's your duty as a woman to have kids' and 'If you leave it too late you'll regret it!' If a man doesn't want to marry or have kids however it's all 'Good on yer mate' 'Don't be tied down' 'She'll take you for everything' and you get jealous stares of married men who feel trapped. I NEVER want to marry either.

-Woman

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2176281/Generation-refuse-grow-No-mortgage-No-marriage-No-children-No-career-plan-Like-30-somethings-Marianne-Power-admits-shes-.html#ixzz2C1NJxONn
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Being a woman, of course I agree with the latter. Puh-lease -- I get irritated when obviously, all the boys in my family are encouraged to take their time, earn their money, have their selection of the women they want, don't settle; and the girls are treated like ticking bombs until they get married (at least in my head, it's that way). The world is largely unfair to women, please don't pretend otherwise. I still remember being stunned at the young age of 20 when one of my female relatives became very seriously upset because she was 25 and someone had commented or rather implied that she had trouble finding a man. O.O At that point, marriage was nowhere near the vicinity of my mind. What wonderful times those were, in that respect.

I'm 25 now and look at me. Honestly, believe me, I am happy! I don't think I have been at a better place in my life. Until someone brings up this marriage thing. And it's not like I don't want to -- it's just... It just is. Just the way I am, maybe. I wish the world would not judge. All I'm trying to do is always be pleased where God puts me.

OMG. Sherlock.

I watched the first episode, and it's love.

As I walk home from placement these days, neighbours and familiar persons have been asking if I'm coming home from work or study -- and depending on what is more prime on my lips, my answer can be either. Because placement, especially this one, is not study. It is draining work. And what's app is becoming a crazy endless channel for work discussion, so that we have updates for report changes at all times of the day; it can drive you to the edge. An entire department office on one's phone -- beeping at a moment's notice.

I want to be able to tell people that yes, I am working already.

I am so looking forward to the end of this course. I will miss the lovely people (so so so much) and the library perks, but am ready to get out of NUS, truly.



And the holiday in December --- the shining, golden finish line.

You know what's one of the joys in life? To pick a book off a shelf by gut feel, and have it turn out into an incredible read.

I've never really found out much about how or why my dad died. I didn't go to his funeral and Mum has never taken me to his grave, and she has no pictures of him in the house. I'm not to tell anyone about him, she said. Only his name, because it's also my name, Alex. When I think of whether Dad is happy to be out of Hell I have a memory of me and Dad and Mum having dinner. We were sitting at our table in the living room and Mum brought in some bread rolls on a plate. Dad took two of them out and stuck his fork through one and his knife through the other and started bouncing them up and down the table as if they were feet doing a little dance. I remember the way the sunlight was strong and lit up the side of his face and the lines at the corner of his eyes when he laughed. I remember Mum flicking him with a tea towel, laughing and telling him to stop. She used to laugh loads back then.

When I think of this it makes me sad, but more confused than sad. I'm confused because when I think of him making the bread rolls dance and then think of what I saw that day, of Dad shooting those policemen, it just doesn't make sense. Aren't evil people evil all the time? Aren't funny, kind people who bring toy cars for their son funny and kind all the time?

-  The Boy Who Could See Demons, Carolyn Jess-Cooke

It's such a beautiful story, and so well thought out, and it made me tear up so badly in the train (the times when I actually get time to read). I fell in love with Alex probably three pages in. He speaks about the traumas of his life with such innocence, it's impossible not to feel like you want to take him away from it all and adopt him. The backdrop is Northern Ireland after The Troubles, but the aftereffects of a war-torn area are basically broken down infrastructure, and broken souls. Alex is like a little brilliant spark you want to save from it all.

And I actually thought this was a children's book at first.

Granny poured in the sugar and said, 'Memory's a funny thing, Alex. Sometimes it can hurt us without us realising.'

I nodded but had no clue what she meant. I figured this was what old people said when they were about to lose their marbles.

This whole honey boo boo child thing keeps me torn between horror and amusement.

But mostly, horror.

Beauty pageantry for children and this fiasco / controversy about honey boo boo and her family have only shown me how true it is that women make society. One mother sets the life of one or more individuals -- and by God, we need women with greater purpose and vision to set straight the future of society. 

I don't think the mums of these self-declared divas are bad mums; I'm sure they love their kids and want what's best for them. I feel like they themselves don't seem to know any better. Really -- this is what you want your child to live for? 

when our magical alter-egos take over

More of my favourite things, like I said.

SPOILERS. And Joong Ki sings the OST for his own drama! 







This drama is wrecking my emotions; I just finished episode 16. First off, Jae Hee reminds me of DT!Hermione, because she has the cheek to feel heartbroken when it finally hits her that maybe Maru is really completely done with her and now loves Eun Gi. What do you expect, woman! You betray someone, step on his love and devotion multiple times, and expect him to stay in love with you forever? Bitch extraordinaire!

Maru is driving me insane with his skewed logic of staying happy within this bubble of happiness that is Eun Gi's memory loss. It's quite heartbreaking actually that he's so happy. While his friend Jae Gil mirrors my frustration about Maru's stupid insistence not to get medical help pronto. Maru says he won't die, he'll just settle all the more urgent things happening first (like helping Eun Gi regain her footing in the company) --- but we all know that this is kdrama's way of dangling tragedy over our heads so that we all chew our nails in fear of Maru's death and the destruction of the OTP.

Eun Gi is back. OMG. Being the awesome lady she is, she digs around and finally regains her memory, and sort of crumbles when she realizes the bigger picture of Maru and Jae Hee, and how she's like a little thorn in this crazy, long saga. But all of this happens alone. She then awesomely composes herself, pretends nothing has changed and gathers her steely resolve. So that Maru has no idea the old, driven, ambitious Eun Gi is back.

And so OMGGGGG, things are kind of happening in reverse now. Maru is all happy and sincere in his love while Eun Gi is plotting the way to get back up on top; it used to be Eun Gi being played by Maru when he was attempting revenge on Jae Hee. It's deliberate drama technique, but very nice nonetheless.

Hoping for a good ending is futile, I think.

What a great voice, Shota.

Reminiscing on his hit debut song, Home. 


After all this time, I can't go back to that place...
Whatever wonderful memories I have,
I should keep them in my heart.
I still remember to this day. That's good enough.
Don't worry. I can still sing.
Someday I'll go back. The home all my own.




I realise this place, as I slowly transition into a working adult and less an overgrown student, is becoming a dumping ground of my favourite stuff rather than a blog. Because all I have time for is apparently, some brief comments and lines accompanying a video or picture. I don't know where I got the energy and juice to blog so extensively in the past.

It's not like there's no time per se. It's more like when I have time, I just want to switch off and not think. And reflective writing needs a lot of thinking. I do have those thoughtful moments still, but I don't know why they don't end up in proper entries here.

Maybe next time.

If being adult means less contemplation, it is sad. That shouldn't be, right. But I have the gnawing perhaps irrational fear that I'm morphing into the typical, unthinking, busy, Singaporean.

ack! Timely reminder. 

You know that silly disappointed feeling you get when you realize you're not the only one who likes something? Or is it just me. Because I am possessive? 

I always feel like I want to pout and say as Mort did, I like them! I like them! Before I even met them, I liked them! You hate them compared to how much I like them!

HP was like that too, kinda. I liked the fact that I had a group of close friends all nutty about HP, but when HP became a worldwide craze and everyone knew of it --- uhhh, not so good. I remember being ecstatic about the prospect of watching HP on the screen, but after a while... 

Which is why, in many ways, thank goodness for the obscurity of Lymond.

Life is learnt by opposites. yes?

How to appreciate good, if you have not experienced bad. How to be close to God, if you haven't learnt the perils of being distant from Him.

Spamming this place with vids, cause this is the only thing I'm following now, entertainment-wise. Can you blame me?

The latest episode was traumatic and so well-acted; they are totally sealing my love for them, these two.

---

And this is how fandom grows: you jump from one fan thingum to another, and before you know it, you find yourself swimming in fandom trivia.

Having discovered the awesomeness that is Song Joong Ki, now I want to watch this too.

Kak Waty's Red Velvet Cupcakes for Aidiladha

I had a funny but horrific dream last night, in which I found scary big blobby rashes all over the palms of my hands, and I confirmed my fear that I had Hand-Foot-and-Mouth Disease. @.@ Then I woke up, and frantically checked my palms.

Hahhha, of course, I am actually fine. It's only my subconscious playing up because we're taking turns falling sick ever since we started placement at the kindergarten and my imagination went a bit wonky. I have had terrible sore throats and irritating colds, and the kids are falling sick one after another. And we have therapy sessions where we sit close and face-to-face with kiddies who try to splutter out 's' sounds... and you just imagine the germs lah, okay.

Anyways, 2 more weeks!

---

Was feeling weepy and pensive tonight, and then out of the blue, we get uplifting messages 

-- don't tell me it's coincidence, because I don't believe it is. 

:)

I believe real bridges don't get burnt.

Met up with T and D and we played The Game of Life!

Aren't we already playing the game of life?

Well, yes, but we can't reset that, can we?

Duck was being an ultra career-minded female -- no family card in sight. And she kept exclaiming, "Where is the degree card!!! I want to get my degree!"

Eventually, she gave up waiting for the degree and became a pop star after auditioning to become a part of Arashi in Japan. (The game is hilarious because it actually involves you having to make up a story to fit the card you play.) Duck also had a midlife crisis (and swapped her hand of cards with mine) after which she took a ride on the world's tallest rollercoaster, something totally uncharacteristic of her.

I won the game! 

Mostly due to Turk's insistence on discarding all her wedding cards and thereby losing out. -.-

I started out working as a stunt double (playing a female hobbit opposite Bilbo Baggins), and lived with my exotic pets, a polar bear and a shark. I had nice adventures like finding a message in a bottle from a blond dude, and swimming with dolphins. Later, I attained a degree and switched jobs to become an exotic pet vet! haha, how insane is that. Then I had an underwater wedding with my exotic pets in attendance, and bought three separate houses: an igloo, a lighthouse and a beach house, plus a private jet to travel between all of them. On top of that, 6 kids! and managing to find Big Foot in Alaska with my husband.

Hah! If only real life was as simple yet exciting as a game of cards.

---

For some reason, I started reminiscing on old bollywood songs tonight. 

One of the many many old bollywood songs that evoke such strong nostalgia in me. Errr, bollywood was probably my earliest fandom? haha. Between 8 - 12 years old, I recall coming home from school to my granny's place, switching on Malaysia's TV2 after homework, and watching an insane amount of hindi movies. 

It's in the bloooooooood, as we like to say.

I think I've found my favourite korean drama pairing! OHCRAPZ. This will only mean heartache.

SPOILERS for Nice Guy.



I'll ship them so hard, but I know how terrible kdramas generally are with their endings, and either one or both of them will die or at least turn blind or maimed in some way. UGGGGHHHH. As it is, we know Maru's brain condition is a ticking bomb, and he's going to collapse and die if he doesn't do anything about those damn headaches. And Eun Gi will regain her memory and think he doesn't love her because he's being with her for revenge against the stepmum a.k.a. company-president-usurper-snake-devil-incarnate (complicated much?!?!?!). Then Eun Gi will be heartbroken and tell him to leave, only to realise after he's dead that he did love her. AH CRAP. If that's how it eventually turns out, I will hunt down and slap the drama writers, and myself, for investing time and emotion in this story and loving Maru/EunGi.

Anyway, I realise that really, I haven't truly loved a kdrama pairing! This might be the real first. Usually, sure, I think kdramas have got romance down pat and pairings are generally adorable and chemistry-laden. But I think it's cause I actually love each of the actors separately and independently and you bring their acting chops together and then, lo and behold, there are wonderful sparks! That now, I love them independently and together, and it's bringing a shipper-feeling I thought I had completely lost.

hooray for A!

I've been plundering youtube for videos for therapy and I found one that's for teaching alphabet knowledge. AND THEY ARE SO AWESOME. I need to keep bombarding one of my kiddies with input cause she appears to have some retention issues, and these are perfect and so bouncy and fun -- and even I love it and want to sing it again! So what's your bet that the kid will love this and will remember the letter A?

I'm interested in things that last.

Subhanallah....... Time management skills, why do you always desert me.

I keep wishing I was a Roswell alien so I wouldn't need more than 3 hours of sleep every day. As it is, even if I'm so incredibly exhausted, things won't stop speeding around in my head! yikes.

God, help me balance work, loved ones, and You.

If I do not wish to give, then indeed I do not show you the desired gift.

Spoilers! for Nice Guy.







No particular reason that this is here, other than my deflating after a week of tense assessments, and non-stop brain-whirring.

I think I am watching this drama mostly because I love the two leads. Currently, Moon Chae Won has no contest for being my favourite kdrama actress, and Song Joong Ki I adore because he's one of the original members from Running Man, and IMO, the perfect blend of endearing and kakkoi in a guy, with that added bit of spark and subtle humour in his personality. Not so kakkoi that you'd be intimidated by him in person and not so endearing that he's an utter dork, haha.

Anyways -- the clip shows Eun Gi after her supposed car accident and memory loss (kdrama's favourite plot device!). I find it amusing how dramas always make recovering from brain damage like a walk in the park, if perhaps a long one. And that brain damage normally confers some memory loss but otherwise, one can be a-okay. When in fact, you can take your pick from a slew of real-life traumas, seriously: paralysis / aphasia / cognitive disability / personality changes / more??? Interestingly, the drama showed Eun Gi transposing words around as she writes (ooooh, phonological issue....?) -- a point up in realism! She doesn't appear as sharp or smart a lady as she was before the car crash.

Speaking of which, for clinical placement, I may have more than one apraxia case on my poor inexperienced head right now and diagnosing this thing is confusing the frak out of me! D:

THIS WEEKEND = FIGURING OUT WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO INTERVENE for provisional apraxia diagnosis vs. inconsistent phonology disorder vs. articulation plus language and literacy issues. These are too complex for training purposes, I think. D: HOWWW. stresssssssu.



ohhhmmmmmgg.

I keep telling myself: This is hard, but Alhamdulillah.

this song, Missing You -- it's love at first listen! 

I know it's been GD every other post or so, but it's only cause he's so super busy releasing his songs right now, and Big Bang is having their greatest year yet and so I'm only helplessly enthralled -- I'm hoping my obsession calms down to sane levels soon.

where is the love...

Go with me, so I don't have to go alone.

A week into placement!

And omg, the angst. This PCF-SLP project is becoming somewhat overwhelming. There is so much work. I literally feel my headaches build-up when we sit and discuss which kids we can work on, what stuff to get for assessment and therapy, the consent form issues and checking on data from parent and teacher questionnaires and collaborating with the psych department and their projects (!!!). Like I anticipated, it leaves less space for working on my clinical skills, which is so incredibly worrisome, I tell you. How will I survive hospital next year.

Thank god for having three other wonderful peeps with me. We keep each other sane. And we can actually laugh over our stress.

For Children's Day  celebrations yesterday, the kindy kids were dancing to Gangnam style -- 

it was soooo funny and adorable! if only we weren't barred from snapping photos.

---

And because I missed them: 

If there's one concert I would love to go to, it's Arashi's. I may fangirl a gazillion other things, but there's this overall Arashi-awesomeness-vibe that I want to feel live. Arashi, to my mind, is about love, friendship, and just being happy in the here and now. And they're just so genuine, wholesome and family-friendly, you know (mostly). If I had kids, I wouldn't mind them listening to Arashi.

And this is an ancient (i.e. 7 years ago! haha) video transcript from an Arashi show where they discuss Domyouji and Tsukushi, and attempt to act out bits of Hana Yori Dango (thanks to MatsuJun's drama script at hand), and behave like overall dorks/oji-sans.

This vid puts all versions of Hanadan together! Of course, for me, the Japanese version wins, hands down. Although, I have a soft spot for Meteor Garden (the Taiwanese version) for being the one that opened the door to a whole new fandom for me.



And now, I need to stop fangirling.

---

A true slave is a happy one.

here we go again

LAST PLACEMENT.

I'm one of the lucky/unlucky few (now a quartet, as we add R to our trio of frazzled ST students) who are part of the group trying out an SLP service for PCF Kindergarteners in Ulu Pandan. In other words, we are providing speech and language therapy for free to mainstream preschoolers who might need it, and in doing so, the faculty is also trying to pressure MOE, muaha. This is both exciting and nerve-wracking!!! Because there is no structure to this at all, and we feel like we're creating a start-up. There are absolutely nil ST facilities or materials on-site and we're going to have to dig through our department library for assessment and intervention tools on Monday. And while it's all exciting and new, we are also worried about how we're eventually going to be assessed for our clinical credits with this much lack of system and structure. I do need to graduate, please.

---

And on our last day of exams, one of my favourite people photos ever:

I really adore this bunch of amazing and genuine people. How we'll miss being a class. But no matter! We have vowed to start an NUS SLP Club that will rival SHAS in numbers and enthusiasm, 

and keep in touch forever.

---

And this is here because GD and Sungha Jung are on the same stage! :D

I wonder if Sungha Jung was fanboying like crazy inside. Also, BIG BANG is currently in Singapore!!! (not that I'm in any way going to their concerts or attempting to sneak peeks). But I am feeling a bit more of the love, nonethless.

---

Also, we watched this last night and it was SCARY.

I don't usually find Western horror movies very scary but this was frrreeeaeaakkkyyy. The leading girl was very good and it also stars Papa Winchester (a.k.a. Jeffrey Dean Morgan)! :D And half the time, I kept wanting to shout out, "Call Sam and Dean! They can help you!"

I looked up Melodic Intonation Therapy (MIT) and I found a video of the President of the International Aphasia Movement speaking in a sing-song voice.

I cannot speak but I can sing. Now you tell me, does music have power?

It's fantastic!

I remember Eve during PBL telling us about MIT and saying how seriously, when we read about stuff like this, it makes us feel really skeptical. Hah, really, we just teach the client to tap rhythms and say words along with it??? And then they can speak? Stuttering treatments are equally amazing. Honestly, I feel that MIT seems a little like Smooth Speech which people use to treat stuttering.

Or like simple voice therapy where we do fun stuff like lip and tongue trills, or the Accent method where we chant around (honestly, I have no idea how the Accent method works!) -- simple stuff like this, they work miraculously. Somehow.

And it made me think how we always assume big problems need big solutions, but sometimes, the best things come in small, unexpected packages. God is Subtle, yes?