Back from Caledonia (a.k.a. Scotland, ahak)! :D I had one of the most memorable times of my life. Happy, happy, happy. Beautiful things. Beautiful animals. Spotted a pair of puffins, which I think now, is an absolute miracle -- that two-second span when I saw the pretty orange beaks and barely made a squeak before the two pretty things fluttered away from the surface of the water. Also cute little rabbits on the hillside. White lambs, and brown lambs. And Eunice gushing over the pretty dogs. And the spectacular coastal and lake views that always made our jaws drop -- the two of us would gape and look at each other and then burst out laughing; because seriously, how can the world be this gorgeous. Masha Allah. And strangely enough, I gained more peace. Riding in the Rabbies van, feasting on the beauties of the highlands -- peace. :)

And then got home to my family, (to my beloved mummy, and my aunts, and my sister, carrying Insyirah who couldn't recognise me in my hat! wahah!)  and I remember thinking to myself: this is where happiness is contained. In snatches of time like this; when we realise we have so much to be grateful for, always.

---

“God is with the broken-hearted. When your heart breaks, it’s a good thing – the breaking of the heart is what opens it up to the light of Allah. The dunya is designed to break your heart, to crush it.”

Shaykh Hamza Yusuf

:)

Big Bang grows on me with every new music video. This one is so emo and pretty; the cinematography is really niiiice. I wish JE would spend a bit more money and produce something awesome too once in a while.

---

Finally packed, and leaving in a few hours. If all goes well, Allah and Rasul willing, then hello, Scotland! :) yayyyyyy.

Oh, Michael. :( All he wanted to say, eh.

My response to this was :O absolute amazement. I think my hair was standing. Thank you for good people like Chomsky, Finkelstein and friends who stand up for truth no matter what.

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable. 


~ C.S. Lewis


Been reading my old LJ posts. And being uber-reflective. And as I reflect on my younger self, I realise that maybe I don't give myself enough credit. I try too hard and feel disappointed in myself too much. I am not supposed to be superwoman what, right. I know better now; like Yujie keeps saying, sometimes it's good to realise that we're human.


If skies remain clear and ash-less, Eunice and I will be in Scotland this coming Tuesday. :))) And I can fulfill one of the major things on my wishlist. Oh, Scotland - land of many of my beloved things; it's been a long time coming.

Leong Hon Wai had a sharing session for our CS projects this past friday; it was supposed to be for fun -- no grading or assessment, and we had lunch. We wanted to order Oishii Pizza (I didn't know it was halal!!!) but they took too long to deliver, so we tried Dominoes (which was, unbeknown to me, also halal!). But then Dominoes has a super restricted delivery area which did not include NUS -- so at last, we resorted to the regular Pizza Hut. So anyway, it was an interesting sharing session, and I am reminded once again why I think computer science is fascinating. It should be taught as a compulsory subject in secondary school! Like taught properly as concepts (like recurrence and abstraction); not the completely forgettable lessons we had about Flash or Photoshop.

Snapshots of our My Gene-y application produced on the graphical programming interface, Scratch (download Scratch here)! I thought that maybe the project file could be exported as mpeg or flash or stg upload-able on blogger, but I couldn't find anything that worked... so too bad.

Basically, My Gene-y predicts how the child would look like using simple molecular genetics, given info about the parents:

One of the groups made a Love Relationship Predictor, that made everyone highly amused. It's based on differential equations applied to romance and emotion, and was actually published as a paper by this physicist called Stephen Strogatz, called Romeo and Juliet Mathematics. There's a funny New York Times article here (the comments are funny to read too, haha) and some explanation about how the equations work here. The group that did the program made very interesting graphs of feelings against time, and man feelings against woman feelings -- and apparently, there are a few situations where couples will keep spiraling between mutual love, unrequited love (on both parts!) and mutual hatred. XD Drama, please!

"I never could understand differential equations and I never could understand women. Oh well."


Also, here's the website for USP UIT2201 module, Computer Science and the IT Revolution. One of those rare modules I won't ever forget about, yay.

Warning: JE update -- plot thickens!

According to Tokyo Sports via uwasako, Jin is really going to leave Kattun, since he managed to secure a significant role in a Pirates of the Carribean movie (somehow, I seriously doubt this) and is going to be all famous in the US and the rest of the world. -.- Or so he thinks.

I can't even express how irritated I am with Jin right now. He's irritated me from day one, and now, he's more annoying than ever. And if you were to ask me which JE boy I hate, it'd definitely be Jin before anyone else -- because seriously, could anyone else appear more self-centred??? How Yamapi is best friends with this idiot is simply beyond me. It has led to many a conversation about boys and their strange ideas of friendship. I really don't know how Kattun stands him. I imagine Kame barely able to control his temper or something, and I can also totally imagine what kind of scenario led to the breakdown of their once-best-buds relationship. I seriously, seriously, abhor people like Jin.

kuchiks says:
 Hehe
Shake says:
 hehehehe
furby from madagascar says:
 ape korang ketawa ni
Tiki says:
 heeehehe
 secret.
furby from madagascar says:
 tebiat ah
Shake says:
 cute kan
 hahaa
furby from madagascar says:
 aduh... -_-
Shake says:
 yelah
 shamiah jer tak tebiat
Tiki says:
 hahah
Shake says:
 kiter kiter jer
Tiki says:
 pasal dia scot.
furby from madagascar says:
 diam ah
Shake says:
 tau takpe qah
 scotgirl
Tiki says:
 akak, should change your nickname to Scotgirl~
 cool pe.
furby from madagascar says:
 -_-
Shake says:
 hot sehh
 tuka ah tuka
 go go!
Tiki says:
 HAHAHA
kuchiks says:
 Haha
 Furby cute wat
scotgirl says:
 nah -_-

yay, we have settled USS visit dates: 7th and 15th June. :)

I only disagree with this, with regard to cockroaches, eheh.

---

Done with exams today. :D Slowly letting it sink in that I'm actually done with undergrad life. I'm giving myself a little rest time before stressing about what to do next. and yoshi, Scotland in two weeks! Dear volcanoes of Iceland, please no more eruptions, please? Thanks.

I want to spot these animals in Scotland!

At the very least, free roaming sheep shouldn't be too hard to find?

I didn't know why I was going to cry, but I knew that if anybody spoke to me or looked at me too closely the tears would fly out of my eyes and the sobs would fly out of my throat and I'd cry for a week. I could feel the tears brimming and sloshing like water in a glass that is unsteady and too full.

~ The Bell Jar by Slyvia Plath

This rings a bell, because my gosh, there was a time when I felt like this -- maybe not quite as extreme. But bad enough that I felt if anyone were to talk to me properly, to ask earnestly and sincerely, Hey, are you happy?, I would have burst into tears without so much as a pause or a warning. The description of a glass of tears full to the brim is just so apt. When you have bottled up so much, that's how it gets. And it's not about one thing or even several things, it's this inexplicable, unexplainable accumulation of hurt that seemed to have no beginning; like it had always been there, and then it had become too much to ignore.

And I have never been more grateful than anything in my life than to have overcome this. And in a way, I'm also grateful I actually went through all that depressed crap; because it has, I like to think, made me wiser and stronger; that now, I can actually talk about it. :) I remember a conversation I had with duckie long ago, when I said how life seems to be a long series of valleys with only a couple of peaks that come far in between. And she was like, Shouldn't it be the other way round!!! More peaks, fewer valleys! Now, I don't even care, haha. It's not about the peaks and valleys; it's that I can smile no matter what. Sometimes, when I see people being sad, I want to say GANBATTE! -- you can do it too. Don't give up like Sylvia Plath, who stuffed herself in an oven and died. What a waste of an intelligent woman.

---

Today, I drove to sayyidat liqa' and back!!! :DDD My brother was all, Just drive lah! So I did, and it was okay, although my sis really had to direct me because I am just totally, totally bad at directions. Then we had waqfa ma'an nafs (i.e. Reflecting on ourselves), and Mami Bee gave me a shoulder massage! Awesomeness. And halfway through I just felt truly happy and fuzzy inside because I don't know how many of us realise how special it is that we get to do this -- sit around every other week, being together, learning, talking and loving each other, just for Allah and Rasul's sake. It's the little things about the usrah, really the little things, that affirm my heart in this.

I finally finished watching Ayat-Ayat Cinta today.

Spoilers!

Mostly, I want to make this face: -________- but I concede there were a few saving graces. And it got a little better near the end, although of course everything was quite predictable. A brief synopsis: Fahri marries Aisha while his Christian neighbour, Maria (who is secretly and desperately in love with him) is away to visit a relative. She comes back and is devastated. Prior to this, Fahri always treated Maria as a friend and they were chummy, and together they helped a girl, Noura, escape the clutches of her abusive fake-father. Noura also falls in love with Fahri (let me make this face again -_______-) and does not hesitate to make it known to him, only of course he doesn't reciprocate. Noura then, inexplicably to him, accuses him of raping her. Maria then becomes a key witness in saving Fahri, and to do this, he had to marry her. -______-

Biggest, widest, gaping loophole: that the court refused to accept future DNA testing in order to ascertain that the child was Fahri's. Hello, which court of law today would refuse to do that??? The excuse of possible miscarriage is rubbish! My goodness. By this point, I was already feeling pretty irritated (and I'll explain why soon) and this was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I was very irritated with almost all the female characters. Seriously. I only barely like Aisha. The general theme is supposedly to show how Islam dignifies women but the ladies in the story are pathetic! As though Fahri is the only dude worth having! Especially that Nurul girl, his senior -- like what was she thinking, letting her parents beg him for marriage after he's married??? Fahri's roommates seem equally decent what -- pick one of them lah. Also, I'm sure the real Al-Azhar female undergraduates feel affronted that Nurul represents their kind; a Muslimah scholar ripping pictures of guys off noticeboards and pasting them in her notebook and drawing hearts and scribbling 'I love you's all over???? Seriously? If I were an Al Azhar student, I'd be waaay irritated. Bloody hell, I'm irritated already. I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive or what -- but I feel irritated, deep in my bones, at how females never seem to be portrayed well enough even by Muslims themselves when we know Aisha r.a. for instance, was a fantastically intelligent woman whose authority on hadith was very much undisputed. We have these guys learning from big sheikhs and being wonderful Muslims and on the other hand we have the women in the movie being pathetic saps, tearing their hair over a single man, however nice he may be notwithstanding.

Haiyoh, things like these make me irritated. I think the drama Nur Kasih made a better portrayal of the issue of polygamy. The Malaysians were a little bit more realistic -- although we have to concede that they both conveniently had the second wife die at the end.

What I did like about Ayat-ayat Cinta: the jail scene - when Fahri was being taunted by his jail mate, and the weird dude actually made reference to Nabi Yusuf a.s.. Very nice. Also, cinematography was very very pretty. And okay, the songs -- awesome, heh.

---

Gotta go for liqa' soon, and want to paste this here.

furby from madagascar! :P

The quality of mercy is not strain'd,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath: it is twice blest;
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes:
'Tis mightiest in the mightiest: it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown;
His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;
But mercy is above this sceptred sway;
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings,
It is an attribute to God himself;
And earthly power doth then show likest God's
When mercy seasons justice. Therefore, Jew,
Though justice be thy plea, consider this,
That, in the course of justice, none of us
Should see salvation: we do pray for mercy;
And that same prayer doth teach us all to render
The deeds of mercy. I have spoke thus much
To mitigate the justice of thy plea;
Which if thou follow, this strict court of Venice
Must needs give sentence 'gainst the merchant there.

~ Portia's speech to Shylock, The Merchant of Venice, William Shakespeare

I think back to the sec 1 days and wonder how some teachers can fail to convey the wonderful meanings encapsulated in such beautiful language. I can't believe I actually despised literature in the beginning -- all cause of that Stanley woman; it's like hating cake after your first experience ever with a mouldy one.

---

Rasulullah s.a.w. said, "When Allah decreed the creation, He pledged Himself by writing in His book which is laid down with Him, 'My Mercy prevails over My Wrath'."

~ On the authority of Abu Hurairah (r.a.), Sahih Muslim

---

I bumped into yet another person on the train yesterday, on the way to school. I was sitting and being stressed and preoccupied with my computer science textbook and thinking hard.Then this person came in and was looking at me, and I was looking at her but not looking at her because I was thinking and faaar away in my brain, and when I finally realised, oh, this person is looking at me, she was about to look away cause apparently I hadn't seemed to notice. And it took like near 5 seconds for me to realise like, EH!!! I KNOW THIS PERSON! And by the time I realised, she had kind of backed away and stood a bit further from my seat, and I had started to feel horrible cause -- Oh no, should I say something now or not!

Horrible situation. And I was chewing away about what to do, and felt like dung. And then she got off at Raffles Place. And then I felt even more evil. :(

And then I started stupidly asking God to let me bump into her again so I can definitely say hi properly. Siiiigh. I don't mean to be so blur. meh.

As usual, I do random things before I actually start on work, and read some old stuff that really made me burst out laughing.

Sorry, this is just too funny. When arts students think science can theoretically come up with solutions to anything:

pls, invent some protein that will make guys better.

protein?! No, I dont need that. Make me not care is what I want.

why! invent a protein to make all guys wonderful and easy to understand

how would a protein work?

goodness knows what u guys do in biochem. just invent SOMETHING.

The other day, I came across something that said that the heart has 40,000 neurons, and thinks independently of the brain. A short review here. Apparently, researchers are considering that it's part of the reason people with heart transplants acquire strange memories of their dead donor; there was one case where a girl was so traumatised by the 'memories' of her previous donor being murdered, that she and her mum reported to the police, and the murderer was easily and promptly apprehended. There were other accounts of people acquiring very strange and contrasting personalities once they had a heart transplant; it's all very fascinating.

One of the most mind-boggling things I read in the review:

Research has also revealed that the heart communicates information to the brain and throughout the body via electromagnetic field interactions. The heart generates the body’s most powerful and most extensive rhythmic electromagnetic field. The heart’s magnetic component is about 500 times stronger than the brain’s magnetic field and can be detected several feet away from the body. It was proposed that, this heart field acts as a carrier wave for information that provides a global synchronizing signal for the entire body. (McCraty, Bradley & Tomasino, 2004)

There is now evidence that a subtle yet influential electromagnetic or ‘energetic’ communication system operates just below our conscious awareness. Energetic interactions possibly contribute to the ‘magnetic’ attractions or repulsions that occur between individuals, and also affect social relationships. It was also found that one person’s brain waves can synchronize to another person’s heart (McCraty, 2004).

This, I tell you, gives a whole new meaning to I feel like I know you on a vibe-y level and Listen to your heart. Also, maybe it gives backing to the idea of love at first sight; except that it isn't love at first sight, it's love at first vibe. :P Later in the review, they also mentioned that this idea of a heart brain might be behind our concept of intuition, or gut-feeling. Of course, the mystical nature of all of this makes most scientists fidgety and some of them are outright dismissive of the idea that the heart contains memories and thoughts or influences decisions and feelings, and simply categorise patients who claim to 'know' their dead donors as loons suffering from surgery trauma.

The Qura'an however clearly states, "They have hearts that they are not able to understand with", clearly establishing the thinking nature of the heart. We're also told that the one who will succeed in the hereafter are those who bring a sound heart; once the heart is okay, everything else will be. 

Transcript of Lecture - Purification of the Heart

When you think life is just getting a little too hard...  :))))

There is a hadith saying that Allah afflicts the people He loves just to hear them call on Him. SubhanAllah. It (Dunya) is only a short time, if you keep it in perspective. It is just like the dentist, it is only going to hurt for a second but he is doing it for your benefit and that is why you let him do it. Is it true or not true? Somebody when they are pulling out the sliver: you know this is just going to hurt for a second, ok go ahead. It is over, that is what you say when you do something to the child to get a sliver out, it is just for a second and then they are crying ,crying. It is over, it is over then you hug them and everything is alright and that is the thing about dunya -- it is just... we are getting the tooth pulled out. 70-80 years maximum but if you relate it to infinity, to infinity, it is cancelled out so stop complaining. Really, just sit back and relax.


Source here.

Found this site where someone attempted to write a biography of Shaykh Hamza, from what little he's revealed about himself throughout his lectures over the years. Actually, I don't think he'd very much approve of this if he found out. :P But he's such an inspiration; it's hard not to wonder about his life and background.

I know it's probably big-headed of me to say this: but I feel akin to his way of thinking and his outlook on the world, and this is part of the reason I am always so affected by his talks. Maybe everyone else feels like they can relate as well. I feel like, ohmygod, here's finally someone saying all the right things! Putting all my exact sentiments about life and religion into the right perspective.

"Like Winston Churchill said, ‘I’ve bumped into the truth a few times in my life, and I quickly get up and brush myself off, and get along with it.’

Well, I bumped into the truth a few times, and I had a choice to brush myself off and get on with it, or to become Muslim, and Alhamdulillah, by the Fadl of Allah, I chose to become Muslim."

This business about Jin letting KATTUN do a tour without him while he cavorts around in California trying to make it big in hollywood -- it's pissing me off. God, so irritating. He's just so full of it. Pleeease. KATTUN should seriously just ditch him. Then maybe I'd like them better, because he just destroys the team dynamic for me, he does. If there's a number one thing that puts me off about a guy or about anyone really, it is this pompous, love-me-for-I-am-made-of-gold, self-centred attitude that Jin exemplifies. Aren't people supposed to have outgrown this by the time they leave adolescence, at least??? UGH. I know Pi dreams of Hollywood too or stg, but at least I have faith that he won't step on others on the way to his dreams.

Anyway, celebrated Jiawen's birthday tonight. And we realise it's been 10 years since we all met. So I brought up the question: what would you say to your 13-year-old self if you could go back in time? Mumu wanted to tell herself that she would die at 23 just so that she'd live more wisely -- we all generally disagreed with her logic, haha, because my gosh, the trauma of knowing your time of death is surely no joke. Eunice felt convinced that her teen self would do the opposite of whatever she said anyway, so what was the point. And I realise Jiawen didn't give an answer! I just want to tell my teen self to be brave, please. Just be brave. And oh, to forget about trying to be tall, because nothing will work and it won't matter in the end anyway. :P

Yesterday, I got a random call from Nur who I met at APEX last year. I hadn't talked to her in months and she suddenly had the urge to talk to me, apparently. To ask me how I was doing and that she was also applying for a different job now. And I could only take it as a sign, because I'd been cracking my head like crazy over the T3M Traineeship offer that I'd got at Biopolis and I was begging God to please show me the way. She was urging me to do the speech pathology thing, describing how meaningless her job felt to her now and advised me that I better be doing something I like. And above all, she said, Whatever I do, be brave.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

~ Steve Jobs

Almost done with term paper. Shoulder aches!

---
Tzu-kung asked, "'All in the village like him.' What do you think of that?"

The Master said, "That is not enough."

"'All in the village dislike him.' What do you think of that?"

The Master said, "That is not enough either. 'Those in his village who are good like him and those who are bad dislike him.' That would be better."

~ The Analects, Book 8:24
---

In a famous quote, Lee Kuan Yew said, "If you are going to lower me into the grave, and I feel something is wrong, I will get up." 


Singapore can be a disconcerting place, even to the people who call it home, though they'd never think of leaving. As one local put it, "Singapore is like a warm bath. You sink in, slit your wrists, your lifeblood floats away, but hey, it's warm." If that's so, most Singaporeans figure they might as well go down the tubes eating pepper crabs, with a couple of curry puffs on the side. Eating is the true national pastime and refuge. The longer I stayed, the more I ate. It got so I'd go over to the marvelously overcrowded Maxwell Road Food Centre, stand in the 20-minute queue for a plate at the Tian Tian food stall, eat it, then line up again.


~ The Singapore Solution, National Geographic, Mark Jacobson reported on a Mumbai slum in the May 2007 issue. David McLain was hospitalized in Singapore for a virus that turned out not to be swine flu.

Crazy week. I feel like a crazy person. Wah, I cannot wait for this week to end. >.< so incredibly tired, all the time.

I found the JK Rowling Harvard Commencement Talk from 2008! I remember reading the transcript and crying my eyes out. And here it is, the video of JKR herself at the podium. I honestly respect and love her. She is an awesome inspiration. And I couldn't help sobbing away; I don't know; I think it's got to do with how she speaks to the dreamer in me. And her sense of humour -- always wins. :)

J.K. Rowling Speaks at Harvard Commencement from Harvard Magazine on Vimeo.

A short talk about embracing your inner girl, by Eve Ensler, spokesperson for women around the world.



This made me cry. It's not every day I like being a girl. :) In fact, there have been nights of my crying for being one, haha.

But this reminds me of something that has been running in and out of my head recently; that Nabi s.a.w. said he was made to love three things in this world: women, scent and prayer. And Shaykh Hamza has reiterated many times how Nabi's love of women should not be interpreted as something physical, or at least not exclusively so. It is because Nabi loves, in truth, what women represent - the heart; tenderness, emotion and a seemingly bottomless well of forgiveness and mercy. In relation to this, I'm also remembering another story where Nabi s.a.w. kissed a child, and an Arab man who saw him was very shocked, like, How can you kiss a child!!! It's not manly at all!!! Nabi overturned a lot of things when he came. :)

Oh, here is a contracted version of it I found on the net:

Aisha r.a. said : A desert Arab came to Rasulullah s.a.w. and said : "Do you kiss children?, We do not kiss them". Rasulullah s.a.w said : "What can I do for you if Allah has taken away mercy from your heart?" ( Bukhari, Muslim )

Source here.

I'm feeling more and more compelled to read the actual Sword of Truth books. But I wonder if by doing that, I'll kill my love for the show. Because right now, I'm letting the loopholes slide by without much comment, because of my love for Richard and Kahlan. And Zedd and Cara too. But maybe reading the books will open my eyes to more holes in the plots, and then who knows where my love will be.

---
LotS Parody (from episode 10, Sacrifice)

Zedd: Male confessors can't control their power! They abuse it. Therefore we kill them at birth. It's much easier that way cuz, let's be honest, most newborn babies are ugly as-

Richard: NOOOOOO!!!! We can't kill a baby! How do you know he'll really be evil? You desperately need to recruit more confessors!

MC: Oh Richard... there's been many cases where confessors try teaching their male child to be good... but it's never worked. Like me! I finally had to kill him when he was 11. Now that was painful!

Richard: (Babbles on about a .01% possibility that Denee's child might turn out good because he is related to Kahlan and everything Kahlanish is super sweet and awesome.)

Kahlan: Richard... Stfu! We must do it now before we get attached and he gets cuter!

Richard: No! (Knocks over bottles of Vampire Glitter and wolf piss.)

MC: (Facepalm.)
Confessors: (Facepalm.)
Kahlan: (Facepalm.)
Baby: (Facepalm.)

Richard: No one is going to hurt this baby! NO ONE!

MC: Oh Richard... if only you knew how we kill them in the books...
---

This morning, went for the T3M Traineeship interview. It was mostly okay, they didn't ask any tough questions, and were very nice. So, my worry now, is that if I get this, I won't know whether to accept it or not. HOW. What about my speech pathology thing! :(

On the train home, I got assailed by philosophical thoughts of choosing ideals over reality. I mean. Like. HOW. Should we grab opportunities that come by or wait for the one thing that's supposed to be perfect? Or maybe, I should stop thinking in absolutes. Yes, I should.

In connection to this, one of my favourites from xkcd:

Finally submitted FYP report yesterday. Celebrated with sushi dinner - totally gobbled down four of the spicy tuna, and all our usuals. More work in this last two weeks -- but I will survive! Anyway, we forced each other during dinner to tell about interesting things, and I harped on about legend of the seeker. eheh.

And here are some amusing lines from a parody of the show from ff.net (spoilers abound! if you care.):


Legend of the Seeker Season 1 Parody by smartie2742, excerpts from episode one.

*Enter Richard, shirtless, for all the fangirls to squeal over. He's building a small bridge.*

Richard: Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go... oh! Who's that pretty lady running? Hurr... looks like men are chasing her. I don't approve of this behavior at all so I shall interfere!

---


Kahlan: Come my glowy blue orb of light! Show us the waaaay!
Richard: *stalking* Wha?

---

Fain: I come from D'Hara and am tracking down a dangerous witch from The Midlands. She used magic to cross the boundary, and had help from someone on this side! He was wearing this tooth necklace!
Michael: Zomg! That's my brother's!

---

*Fain and men show up at house*

George: Leave, LEAVE! Run to Zedd's house!
Richard: Zedd? That crazy chicken man? What's going on? I WANT ANSWERS DAMMIT!
George: JUST LEAVE, DAMMIT!

*Richard leaves. Men come in.*

Fain: Where is your son?
George: I dunno, he went off to build a bridge - shirtless.

---

Kahlan: I think I'll take this time to tell you that I'm a confessor and that every seeker needs a confessor. All I'm gonna say is that we try to find the truth no matter how hard someone tries hiding it. My names Kahlan, sorry for being such a bitch. I came to bring you this book!

Richard: Yay! Porn!

Kahlan: No, It's The Book of Counted Shadows. Darken Rahl is trying to steal it. He can use it to take over the world. The seeker shall use this book to defeat Rahl!

Richard: What the hell? I can't read this. It's in German!

Kahlan: Ah, but every seeker can read German without learning it first. Give it a try!

Richard: *reading* One shadow... two shadow... three shadow... four! Whoa! When did I learn German?

Zedd: Because you are the true seeker.

---

XD wahahaha. I should refrain from pasting everything.

“A mature person is one who does not think only in absolutes, who is able to be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned that there is both good and bad in all people and in all things, and who walks humbly and deals charitably with the circumstances of life, knowing that in this world no one is all knowing and therefore all of us need both love and charity.”

Eleanor Roosevelt

chatting with eunice on msn about legend of the seeker. I don't want it to be cancelled. How many of my OTPs will remain unfulfilled like this. :(

turk: My brother just lent us the DVD -- he liked it but is disappointed that the series has been cancelled?

me: IT HAS BEEN CANCELLED?! OFFICIALLY?!?!?!?! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *slump*

turk: I dunno...  After the 2nd season or something I DON'T KNOW THIS IS SECONDHAND INFO I DIDN'T LOOK IT UP MYSELF... It's either it's been really cancelled or they're trying to find another network to pick it up or something...  No idea.

me: my sis did say there was talk that season 3 wont happen... but... I thought there was still hope. god, loving American tv shows is like having bad love affairs. :( you never know when they leave you. 

turk: O-kay, mad person...

me: HAHAHAHAHA, BUT REALLY!!!!

turk: Yes, yes

me: It's like, I'm tired hello!

turk: I'm still upset over Firefly

me: I loved VM! and look what happened.

turk: Yes, VM too

me: I actually followed Tru Calling and look what happened. And I live in fear for Supernatural.

turk: And now Chuck S3 ratings have been dropping steadily since the season premiere and it's on the bubble too... Sigh.

me: But at least, now, it has been long enough, that I feel safe that they won't just end it horribly. SIGH

turk: HAHAHAHA. That's very important. As long as it's not a sudden cancellation and things get tied up, yes?

me: yes! I mean, I just want a resolution! do these people not understand how it is like to emotionally involve oneself in a story?!

turk: Apparently not.

me: it's like, Voldemort not dead or Lymond forever stuck in Russia. I mean, seriously.

turk: They just want MONEY FROM ADVERTISERS

me: evil capitalists.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess. ~ Oscar Wilde

I am inclined to agree with this, because I have played the Word Search game on my iPod relentlessly on train journeys to and from school, and have now attained a mind-boggling score of 8 words in 24 seconds. :P I get obsessed and competitive sometimes, hehe. It reminds me of my childhood days; when computers were starting to appear in civilian homes like ours, and Windows Version 3.1 had desktop games like Jewel Thief. Muaha, I played that game almost non-stop the moment I finished my homework (completed as fast as possible, without getting out of my school uniform) and reached like Level 20, I think, which no one else ever could reach. I also played Mario a lot; I remember those things vividly. People often had the misconception that I went home to mug or stg (even in primary school, people thought I loved to study; seriously, whut.), but oh, they don't know me. I think I did play a great deal, and how little some kids play these days, in this stressful world, is a sad thing.

Supposed to submit an application for the tech transfer traineeship thing soon... :s but I'm not so sure about it anymore. It doesn't feel very right. I think I seriously considered this because I wanted to have another option besides research and they accepted fresh grads. And okay, it seemed to me initially that I'd fit in since it was about information transfer and communication, and I have a belief that my strength lies somewhere there. But I don't know now! The word 'commercialisation' or 'corporation' always puts me off... bah. I should just submit it and if it happens, it happens. I have decided to let fate decide, because I never really know what's good for me anyway.

I've been a lot stressed these days, thinking about what I'm supposed to get done before school ends forever (haha) and like seriously, MATLAB problems and how I'm going to accomplish 10, 000 words in a few days. But oh well. What's new, eh. I felt slightly guilty about not turning up for APEX twice consecutively but really, bloody MATLAB made it necessary for me to spend a saturday cooped up in the computer centre. I think I was making a lot of frustrated noises and scolding "seriously!" to the computer every half an hour or so, heheh. I hope I didn't sound too crazy to the grad students who regularly come on weekends to work. (Their scholarly lives boggle my mind.) o.o

Despite my crazy workload, I do have times in the night (or rather, I make the time, die die) for entertainment, and lately it has been The Legend of the Seeker, which I started watching on tv and have now continued via youtube. Yes, it is cheesy, mostly, but I love prophecy stories and heroes with swords. And a pretty pairing to boot. It is, you could say, a sappy romance guised as the typical fight of good against evil, but I think I have missed simple stories like this. The good people win, you know. And we all root for love. (Not the really scary promiscuity we see in a lot of shows today. -.-) Also, Richard Cypher is preeetay; those large puppy eyes... and gorgeous Kahlan; how is she so fair!

This line from a fan-post (a tak senonoh post, actually) cracked me up:

2.5 million screaming fangirls shatter the sound barrier

Trying not to freak out. Received email about submission dates for FYP; and my examiners are okay - because they're Prof Chen YZ and Prof Low BC. Both nice and not threatening. But one still wishes to impress. And MATLAB is being evil for reasons I cannot fathom. Less than a week left and it's being cranky and won't let me run my model without screwing up. WHHHY. And hence I have still yet to substantially validate my pathway model! The only thing I could verify is the fact that more RhoGDP means more RhoGTP, which is seriously DUH. The major parts I need to validate are still not validated, because MATLAB, you are making things difficult!

MOU. STRESS. Please MATLAB, please work. And please let my model make sense, thanks.

I feel like running away from the rest of my modules now, but UGH. CAN'T. This is what I get for being too blardy ambitious when I know I love being a drifter, and for loving too many things at once.

Haha, I totally always wanna do THIS.

from Stickgirl

If there's one thing I need to learn, it's to stay focused. I got distracted, again. Although I woke up this morning deciding to work on all my Structural Bio assignments and get them done, so I can leave all the time later for my FYP report, I ended up going to the blog Mel linked to (whose author graduated from Cambridge, hails from a self-declared aristocratic Singaporean family - should such a thing exist - and is atrociously arrogant; I enjoy reading this like I enjoy watching the Kardashians on tv, hehe). And in consequence, I became acquainted with the whole Dawn Yang fiasco a couple or so years back. And all other related local celebrity scandals and gossip. It reminded me of all the MsScribe and Cassandra Claire scandals that happened within HP fandom. It was just... fascinating. Humans are weird and basically stupid, a lot of the time. And if you don't remind yourselves now and again that, hey, you're going to die and what are you doing with your life, you get stuck in this loop of materialism and self-love. @.@ It's just scary, please.

If you can quote Yeats or Shakespeare, and then quote Ibn-Taimiyah or Imam Nawawi, then ohmygod, you have me. I used to say, any guy who knows sword-fighting would have won over half my heart (and there is still a validity to this, because swords are just oh-so-cool); but I have this new, more all-encompassing criterion, and just -- I will fall for this, no questions asked.

ShaykhHamzaIgnoranceAndExtremism from ilmisfree on Vimeo.

Come let us mock at the great
That had such burdens on the mind
And toiled so hard and late
To leave some monument behind,
Nor thought of the levelling wind.

Come let us mock at the wise;
With all those calendars whereon
They fixed old aching eyes,
They never saw how seasons run,
And now but gape at the sun.

Come let us mock at the good
That fancied goodness might be gay,
And sick of solitude
Might proclaim a holiday:
Wind shrieked - and where are they?

Mock mockers after that
That would not lift a hand maybe
To help good, wise or great
To bar that foul storm out, for we
Traffic in mockery.

~ W.B. Yeats


Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no; it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests, and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error, and upon me prov'd,
I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd.

~ William Shakespeare Sonnet 116

“I learned there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead, others come from behind.
But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready, you see.
Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me.”

— Dr. Seuss

There is apparently a narration that relates: God endowed wisdom onto humanity in three forms: the brains of the Greeks, the hands of the Chinese, and the tongues of the Arabs.

If so, then no wonder the amazing intellects like Aristotle and Plato and Archimedes. And Socrates. I always wondered if some of these people were divinely inspired or something, because they seem so inhumanely wise and clever, heh.

Also, you are what you eat, they say. Nabi s.a.w. said the same thing; he mentioned that the people who ate camels tended to be more arrogant. That's why we should eat lambs; the meekness and gentleness of lambs are good qualities to acquire? And Islam prohibits the eating of carnivorous animals; you don't want that reckless aggressiveness, apparently. And bah -- what are we eating these days? Chemicals and artificial stuff in our food; only enhancing our fake and plastic natures in this increasingly superficial world? :P

The Qura'an is ahsanul kasas; the best of narrations:

Sakura Girl PV is out! But I am mostly disappointed -- because why is it so boring and sad?! I know this song is supposed to be about a lost love, but it's still kinda bouncy and it's not all sad. But all NEWS is doing is being all emo and walking down the street. -.- I'd rather they do the gay dance move like they did on Music Station.



I much prefer Arashi's Troublemaker! :P The song's fun and bouncy and the music video is fun too. Also love the colourful suits. And spot Nino being mean, hehe. And an English spelling error in the beginning.

Watched a short mini-drama about graduation and pursuing dreams called Sotsugyou Shashin. I downloaded it by impulse from newshfan; it starred Massu and Nagasawa Masami. And surprisingly, despite it being Masami (haha, I don't know what I have against her, seriously), I thought the message of the show was sweet and meaningful, and she acted well. Massu, on the other hand, can't act... for nuts, poor thing. But it's okay - he's still the adorable gyoza-lover from NEWS.

Anyway, the story basically conveys the idea of taking the long route to one's success or dreams, and that it's okay to do so. The long route makes you kind and strong, I quote them. Getting what you want immediately hardly makes you grateful for it anyway, right? You only learn the value of something after having slogged and waited for it. What is it that Miley Cyrus sings -- It's all about the climb...

I've imagined meeting my past self, and although sometimes, I think I'd tell my past self to do certain things or not do certain things, I think, overall, I'd just smile at my old self and say it's going to be okay one day, I promise. Not that things are perfect now; but just - I feel like I've finally planted one foot into the ground. And even if I get tossed about or jostled violently in this crazy (and probably very evil) world, I won't get lost. In some ways, I think I like my old self better; more hopeful and consequently more delusional maybe, haha. More blur, also more trusting. I think I second-guess people a lot more now. Whereas in the past, you can probably con me easy-peasy; now, I think I'm at least a little wiser. Haha, I hope.

Had a toilet fiasco tonight. One of the taps broke, and water came gushing out like a jet stream, and granny, sis and me couldn't shut the main valve. I have no arm power at all, apparently. Neither did my sis. And we went around the house hunting for my dad's toolbox, thinking a plier would help, maybe. While my granny refused to get out of the toilet and tried to rectify the situation herself; she is stubborn lah. We kept telling her to get out of the bathroom (because seriously, what if she falls?!), but she refused, became really distraught and almost started crying, haha, cause she felt guilty. That's my granny for you -.-. I kept telling her it's okay; it's not like we haven't broken things in the house before, and it's not like my dad will punish her when he comes home.

In fact, because the fiasco was growing into something rather uncontrollable and I was getting stressed because my granny was stressed, I called up my dad (who was out with my mum and my uncle and friends), and he went, Why can't you turn the valve??? And I said, It's too hard okay! It's stuck or something! And he was all, like, Can you chill? Okay, I'll deal with it later. Who knows you might break it if you use the plier. But then my sister was all stressed too and added, Do you really want to waste that much water? When are you coming back!

So 10 minutes later, my dad turned up with Ami Ali and friends. I was like, HAH! Everyone's here??? And Cik Sam, Ami Ali and my mum marched into the toilet, and my mum went like, What is so difficult??? and she promptly turned the valve clockwise with her bare hands, and the water stopped.

XD

Absolute FAIL. Everybody kind of went, Haiyoh.... and me and sis fell over each other, laughing at how much fail we were. Admittedly, I didn't really turn it clockwise much, because it seemed blocked in that direction by a tiny screw. But I did try it! It was really hard. My mum is apparently hiding some super-power muscle in her arm. Or something, haha. My dad was like this -_______-. And we were on the way to Swensens, thanks.

Been trying to make myself write one of the compulsory essays for Virtue and Leadership class, and came across this from the Analects:

Tseng Tzu said, "A Gentleman must be strong and resolute, for his burden is heavy and the road is long. He takes benevolence as his burden. Is that not heavy? Only with death does the road come to an end. Is that not long?"

~ Book 8:7

Being good is difficult, ne.

People are asleep. And then when they die, they finally become aware. So die before you die. Consider yourselves already in the graves.

---

Because I have missed them! I think I could easily learn to like their new single, Sakura Girl. It's kinda catchy. My sister kept tsk-ing at the gay dance move, haha -- the one with one hand up in the air; I believe that was a move from Cherish. But hello, at that time, they were at most 19 or 20, so it's forgivable. But now?! Pi is turning 25 soon, for God's sake. Speaking of which, why is it that I feel Pi looks so sad or stressed or both these days? So skinny some more. Somebody feed this boy!



And this one's an older clip with Pi and Jin; at least Pi looks happier here. It's funny how Pi seems to be giving Jin looks that say stop-being-an-annoying-idiot.



---

I've always liked this song, One Republic's Stop and Stare:

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shaking off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see

They're trying to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
Something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need

What you need, what you need...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see...

Because I am Miss-Forever-Distracted, I am not doing my FYP whose deadline is looming ever closer, but quoting Confucius instead:

The Master said, "Yu, have you heard about the six qualities and the six attendant faults?"


"No."


"Be seated and I shall tell you. To love benevolence without loving learning is liable to lead to foolishness. To love cleverness without loving learning is liable to lead to deviation from the right path. To love trustworthiness in word without loving learning is liable to lead to harmful behaviour. To love forthrightness without loving learning is liable to lead to intolerance. To love courage without loving learning is liable to lead to insurbodination. To love unbending strength without loving learning is liable to lead to indiscipline."

In Virtue and Leadership class today, someone said to me, "It's hard not to be critical about this dude (i.e. Confucius); I can't agree with him, mostly." And I agreed, "Yes! I think he was a very confused and dissatisfied man."

This does not mean he wasn't a great and admirable persona, I still think he was and is. But he didn't have a lot of answers, and was clearly unhappy about a great many things. He was a great thinker, but he had no answers, and very little practical resolution to the world's problems. And I don't know, if people have founded a religion or a way of life on his teachings, I don't think it makes a great foundation. He was an idealist searching for truth but didn't find it. He kept saying he wished he could meet a sage, but knew he would likely never meet one. And one of my biggest contentions about The Analects is that women is mentioned in passing only twice, one of which equates women to lowly-minded people. -___-

But the above quote: I like it because if there's one thing I feel Confucius got right, it's the fact that learning is one of the most fundamental values and aims in life. That is why the first word of the Quran to be revealed was also "Iqra'." Which means, READ. Curing ignorance is the first step to betterment.

HAHA, I like this!



"A'uzubillahi min asshaitan irrajim!" XD I must practise this a lot more.

:(((

John F Kennedy was assassinated only weeks after this speech.

I went hunting for this because I suddenly started thinking about it:

"But," said Philippa, "even if you accept bastardy, you are left to wonder why Sybilla didn't confess to you, since you have always been so very close. And from that, to surmise that the facts of your birth must be such that Sybilla knew they would destroy even your love for her. And that is why, at first, you wouldn't make any inquiries or allow them. But now..."


"Wise Philippa," said Lymond again. Standing very still, with his back to the window he offered no resistance to what she was saying, but simply remained, his eyes dwelling on her as she sat bolt upright in the firelight, her wet, combed hair glowing chestnut where it fell forward over the darkened brocade of her gown. He said, "Tell me, then, why I come now to Gardington?"


She drew a long breath and released it again, her eyes open and honest on his. "Because as you say, absence has hardened you. There are things you can face now which you couldn't face in Stamboul. And because, I think, at last, the bond with Sybilla is being shared with another. Before, all your mind and all your emotions were contained in your feeling for her. Now it is different. Now you have Guzel's love also."

Philippa was of course right about all of that, except the Guzel part. I can't quite explain why or how this seems to resonate in my life right now; but I find myself appreciating this on a whole new level. Courage comes from faith in something or someone in whom one can faultlessly depend on, I think. A belief that if everything else should disappoint, this one thing won't.

I don't know why I was so emo earlier today. I wish sometimes I could do away with emo moments. But they're there. Eheh, what to do; I suppose it comes with being human. Went for liqa', had a good time although the poor NUSMS peeps who were coincidentally using the same room had to vacate for our sake.

Also, Turk and I settled the first thing for our grad trip -- the tour to Orkney and the Outer Hebrides in Scotland. yayyy. I can't believe it's happening. I don't think it has sunk in properly yet. But I suppose I will be ecstatic when most of my work gets done in April, and I'll be super duper excited. :DDD

My favourite thing from liqa' tonight (and it's hard to choose a favourite cause I liked a lot of the stories shared): Nabi s.a.w. says that if a Muslim wakes up in the morning and all of his thoughts are of dunia (i.e. this world and of worldly pursuits), then the dunia will move further away from him. But if he wakes up in the morning and his thoughts are of akhirah (i.e. the hereafter), then the dunia will come to him without his asking, and he would care less for it.

My sister and parents came back from Egypt and started telling stories and stuff. I have these feelings of frustration that lead me to imagine my doing drastic things to myself -- I feel like tearing up pieces of cloth, for instance. What I mean is (sorry for being incomprehensible) is that I want to be at Muktamar so bad and to feel that peace so bad. This world we normally live in every day - it's such a mess, sometimes. And all I want to do is do what truly matters.

 

Totally.

From Quote Book (I am addicted to places like this, halp.)

"There are three classes of men—lovers of wisdom, lovers of honor, lovers of gain."
~ Plato

this is my 1000th post since the birth of this blog! actually, I can't believe I took this long to get to 1000.

This is one of the many things I'll never forget. The first time I heard it was during APEX, and someone was very emotional when relating it, I almost teared up too. Because when you do things, there will always be people who misunderstand you, and it's only human for you to hurt when they do. And then later, when I had to get out of MS exco (because no way could I have survived it, especially now) and had really, one of the worst times in my life, I was handed a printed version of this from Aizat (and I thank him for that):

"People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you’ve got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway."

~ Mother Theresa

And it's too true; because once I know what I do is for Allah and Rasul anyway, it just becomes one million times easier to be good or to do the right thing. Like you know, you should never get angry with your parents or hurt them in any way right? -- but hello, it ain't so easy a job if your parent ain't a saint. When your mum is being unreasonable and says hurtful things (and bloody hell, you're only human, how much negativity can you take, even if she is in a lousy mood and is taking it all out on you), it is so damn hard to stay good and calm and not want to retaliate angrily in some way. But once I realise I'm not really doing this for her, I'm doing this for God, it becomes that much easier. You can be nice to people and not expect them to be nice to you, and it doesn't matter.

Like Rasulullah s.a.w. who loves his ummah, and we may not all love him back with fervour. It's not like he needs us anyway; more like the other way round. It's called kareem - loving someone although they may not necessarily deserve it, or being generous though people may not welcome it. It's an honourable thing. That's why there's that quote too, by Victor Hugo: What a grand thing, to be loved. What a grander thing still, to love. And surely nobody tops Nabi s.a.w. in this.

---

Was reading my drafts folder (why do I do this when I should be reading up on actin or focal adhesion or stg else I actually need to do!), and found something from May 2008:

Things I want to do in my life before I die include (not necessarily in order):


1) Visit Scotland (can't believe I still haven't), Japan, Russia and Jerusalem (if possible) and as many other places as humanly possible.


2) Learn several languages.


3) Memorise my favourite surahs, at the very least.


4) Write a good story and proper script and send it in to mediacorp.


5) Finally have a beautiful and neat room/house.


6) Make sure my parents retire happy and rich.


7) Marry my one true love, but no other.


8) Attend Muktamar at Dandara, Egypt.

I want to laugh at number 4! WHAT was I thinking?! Haha. I've already visited Japan, yayyy. And hopefully Scotland soon, ohmygosh. And number 8, insya Allah, soon enough.

I was browsing quotes and pretty pictures (which is like the most addictive exercise ever or something), and found someone quoting Arashi (from Fight Song)! :D

"People are people, and you are you. The moment you compare the two, you’ve lost. The strength to not lose to yourself will break down any wall."

From The Quote Book

:) Roald Dahl and Quentin Blake - my childhood. My entire Primary 3 class was reading Roald Dahl, and several books were always circulating in the classroom at any one time; and by the end of it, we'd all read most of Dahl's books.