picture in my mind

My sister and parents came back from Egypt and started telling stories and stuff. I have these feelings of frustration that lead me to imagine my doing drastic things to myself -- I feel like tearing up pieces of cloth, for instance. What I mean is (sorry for being incomprehensible) is that I want to be at Muktamar so bad and to feel that peace so bad. This world we normally live in every day - it's such a mess, sometimes. And all I want to do is do what truly matters.