The Sichuan Zoo recently had a panda baby boom! Have you seen this???







Aaaah! SO cute! They're like furry footballs! I want a panda, please. And I can't believe I haven't been getting to watch the movies I've wanted to watch. I didn't manage to catch Ayat-ayat Cinta at the theatres. And I still haven't seen Kungfu Panda and The Happening! I WANT. Maybe friday night? Before the parents come back from their happy holiday.

Anyway, yes, my parents are having a nice vacation at a mountainside in Puncak, Indonesia. I would have gone if not for this work attachment with mice. And I was really deciding whether to forget about this job thingy for the trip, but I decided that maybe I should try working for once. Besides, I have the december hols to console myself with - I am seriously hoping for Japan. Been relentlessly bugging my dad about it. At random intervals, I'd poke my dad and say, "Japan, okay? Japan, okay?" And he'd go, "TSK." But I secretly think that my dad melts with much persuasion and poking and the right amounts of grins and puppy eyes from his daughters. (Although, crap, this coming from a 21-year-old must be weird.) I shall keep at it. And Japan might just materialise by the end of this year! >.< And I want to be able to speak a decent amount of Japanese by that time.

I have not much work today. Image processing has encountered big insurmountable pothole; the software isn't able to deconvolve (aka resolve) the image correctly. So, my poor overworked mentor will have to scout around and figure something out. And I shall go read some bio stuff and anticipate my mice imaging work tomorrow.

Suddenly had the urge to reread Totto-chan. I remember how much I loved it when I was 14. And how much I wanted too to go to a school out of train cabins and have a lovable headmaster who could be both your teacher and your friend. Now that I'm 21 and rereading it, I want to be a teacher at such a school. Really. I want to teach at a school like Tomoe Gakuen. Where education is at its truest. Learn what you love to learn. And everyone gets a fair chance at it. :) Oh, what joy. No fuss about grades, but emphasis on developing not just the mind, but the body and spirit as well. If only I'd been enrolled in a Tomoe-Gakuen. I think I'd have been a happier and more confident child.

The head master deplored contemporary education, with its emphasis on the written word, which tended to atrophy a child's sensual perception of nature and intuitive receptiveness to the still small voice of God, which is inspiration.

It was the poet Basho who wrote:

Listen! a frog
Jumping into the silence
Of an ancient pond!

Yet the phenomenon of a frog jumping into a pond must have been seen by many others. Down through the ages and in the whole world, Watt and Newton cannot have been the only ones to notice the steam from a boiling kettle or observe an apple fall.

Having eyes but not seeing beauty; having ears, but not hearing music; having minds, but not perceiving truth; having hearts that are never moved and therefore never set on fire. These are the things to fear, said the headmaster.

~ Tetsuko Kuroyanagi, Totto-chan

So. In case you didn't already know, I've recently (past few months) been very into Jap stuff (as evinced by my blog entries), namely Johnny's Entertainment. And tonight, I need to gush. o_O

Seriously: I adore Tegoshi. In a not really guy way. It's hard to explain. It's different. Like... I think Yamapi is amazing. And I adore him in the way I adore Lymond, Draco, Keanu (although now not so much, but first loves are still forever) etc. But when it comes to Tego - gosh. I like him like I like a cute little brother (although technically he's turning 21 too). And, like I said before, he makes me feel oddly proud. Maybe because he's an extremely pretty JE boy BUT BUT BUT he can sing. So damn well. Which is seriously a rare event in JE. (Try listening to SMAP live.) Everytime TegoMass performs, I watch. Because Tego just rocks, man, he does. I want to squish him! With that pretty, girlish face and that amazing voice - he can be big, yes he can.

And Ai Ai Gasa is slowly crawling up my favourites list. The meaning is so sweet. Here it is if you're curious.



So cute, right! And no prizes for guessing who's Tegoshi. But gah, his blond hair! >.< I prefer black. Black is always best.

Why is free disk space so hard to come by. My whole image processing work has been held up because we don't have enough disk space and my mentor has to spend hours just transferring files.

Was just reading Straits Times about that whacked Japanese dude who stabbed people in Akihabara. It's a sad story. How he's really mentally unstable and resorted to this. I mean, he didn't deny doing it, too. When you think about it, how many of us out there are actually very, very lonely, and need someone to just care, so we don't go around murdering people in a bid for attention? I think I'm incredibly grateful I have a family I can talk to about most things, a sister I crap to about almost everything, and a friend I ramble to about the stresses of life and how much we want holidays. Sometimes, all it needs is one person to make all the difference.

Taking the trains back and forth always puts me in a pensive mood. Traveling time is my time for picking at my brain and my thoughts. Like yesterday, I realised that if I could put all that I wanted from life in one statement, it'd be this: To live true. Short, and simple, and all one truly needs to be happy, I think.

40GB disk space now available! okay, going to do image processing now. let me be able to work the code. >.<

Went to Ghim Moh for lunch today. There ain't no more MacDonald's there! In fact, the whole place looked kinda different. :( Sad. It was a Macs full of memories. We played games there, and lepak there, I wasted time waiting for my dad there.

Been spending the morning figuring out image processing. And as I blog, I'm letting the software load the images. It takes forever. And I've been listening to Jap songs along the way. I really think, and I'm saying this as free of JE and NEWS bias as possible, Tego has a superb voice. Besides Yamapi's, I'm always looking forward to his parts of the song. I love just listening to him! ah, I feel oddly proud.

Image loading now stuck at 20 of 27. -_- I'm running out of songs to entertain myself with.

Meeting Jean later! :) It seems like ages since we talked last.

And oh, although I doubt Pige reads this: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (A day late, but I think it's good enough. :P) You are officially, officially, of any kind of legal age. I keep wanting to send her an email wish, but in between looking at these images, it keeps slipping my mind.

I've been wanting to say something about a cat. Every morning now, as I walk to the MRT station on the long arduous journey of getting to Biopolis, I pass by this nice, fluffy, greyish cat, sleeping on the steps of a ground-floor apartment. And everytime I see it, I think, "Oh, you lucky cat!" That cat has got it good. While I have to work hard and travel far, lugging my freaking heavy laptop. Every morning, I get jealous of the cat for getting to sleep in. >.< ahhhh. It's so nice to be able to laze indefinitely.

but work is good too. yes it is.

Knocking off work in a bit. -_- My back aches from sitting constantly and staring at my laptop. Although the morning was spent in the lab.

Describing work isn't fun.

I feel so uninspired! >.<

I don't know if this is what I want to do all my life. Ahhh. Feel so drained and confused.

Module planning is bugging me again. And my dropping CAP. >.<

This morning, my dad had a strange mood swing and burst into our rooms at 8.30 with a wide smile and announced that we were going out for a day excursion. I was a combination of -______- and @_@ because I slept at four and was hoping to snooze till late. He had turned environmentalist all of a sudden and suggested treetop walks and chek jawa. I was really going "Eeeeeeeeh." What is goin on.

Minus my sister who had her pesta pantun meeting, we went for Nasi Rawan breakfast at the ever-favourite Wak Nah at Bedok and set off in the direction of Telok Blangah. But then my mum was worried about the heat so we decided to go to the national museum instead. The first time since the revamp. Pics ahead.



There was this brocade Greek statue that was quite fascinating.









The Film History Gallery was nice too. P. Ramlee stuff.





I have no idea why the photos can't be horizontal! Anyway, I can't decide who's prettier between the two: Zaiton or Sarimah (the latter). I always thought Sarimah was more beautiful but here Zaiton looks super sexy in her kebaya.




$3 movie ticlets! must be heaven.




Then there was the food section. I swear we smelt jemput-jemput (fried banana cakes) inside the gallery.







The audio companions. They were rather troublesome, but quite informative, I guess. I remember Patrick telling us during heritage class that it distracted people from the exhibits. And it's quite true. You end up just listening to the narratives and the exhibits become sort of redundant. Hm.



There were also NAFA furniture design competition entries (or stg) and there was this really cool structure that could be made into a cd shelf. I so want it. I was so fascinated by it I forgot to snap a pic.

Work starts tomorrow! :s

Not for the first time, I'm wishing I only needed 3 hours of sleep. I can feel my brain throbbing for sleep, but I am resisting because goddamn it! There are far too many fun things to do online.

I had to wake up early today and spend almost the entire day learning about PSLE math. All part of being mentor to P6 kids all geared up for the exams. So yes. Lack of sleep.

Anyway. Continuing from last post... I still haven't watched Ayat-ayat Cinta. I don't know, it's like the universe is against my watching it or something. (But I shall not be silly enough to read into that, shut up brain.) So anyway, 7 of us piled into a car (sis, me, brother and our other-brothers) and drove all the way to cathay cineleisure. And when I rushed to buy tickets, the numbers were all already red. SOLD OUT. Seriously. Someone needs to realise that this movie needs more airing time.

So we bummed around. All depressed because we couldn't find a good movie we all hadn't watched. We loitered around PS. And finally swooped down on gelare. We finished 3 waffles at a record speed of 4 minutes. We were all cracked up by the end of it because our $40 waffles disappeared at a rate of $10/min. That's hilarious. Really. Then we browsed dvds and books at Times. I contemplated getting another self-study Japanese book (cause I'm halfway through my current one) but refrained from splurging. Hussain was all psyched about his China stint and was checking out maps. And the boys were at the mags.

It felt good to be out with them, regardless of ultra movie failure. Like rediscovering that bit of me I'd almost entirely forgotten. Nostalgia kicking in again. These were the people I grew up with. And it's so great that we're still close. The original 8, minus one. I think I remember writing about us back in JC. How I felt like everyone was starting to drift apart at that point.

It's happened... a little. But we're still hanging on. But this whole business about all the boys having girlfriends, as I suspect, is unsettling. Ah. The tides of time waits for no girl.

And oh. I got the IBN attachment. Part of me is absolutely determined I enjoy this.

I've been wanting to say something about Maulid celebrations that we had last sunday. I stupidly forgot to bring my cam! -_- And the Hadhrah boys were so nicely dressed up too. And Ahmad had his flute and everything. Kebodohan right!

I really thought the Hadhrah was good. But I wish they'd learnt to do the breathing thing as well. Okay, I'm not sure know how to describe this breathing thing: it's like they breathe in and out but within each breath you can hear "Allah". It's really damn cool.

Ah, gotta go! Finally watching Ayat-ayat Cinta with the cuzzies. (:

I like this video too! It's one of the older ones. It's scary lah. Thinking about arrogance. It's an all-too-easy trap. Cause you always have to remind yourself that whatever that's good about yourself, ain't all yours in the first place.



Lucky I didn't go up to him and ask for an autograph (read previous entry). :S

I think I saw Baba Ali yesterday! Went out with Hudy, Marli and Khairiah to eat at Al-Majlis, and when we were almost leaving, I saw this guy at the table next to us, and he looked just like Baba Ali. O_O I kept trying to peek at him over my shoulder. I really think it was him! Except he looked a bit younger... But if it was him, what's he doing in Singapore?! I was too freaked to go up to him and ask lah. Too embarassing.

Here's one of the funnier episodes about hijab. The names he gives to the different kinds of hijab are so amusing!


Anyway, yesterday was sweet! The four of us met up for dinner and I received belated birthday presents. >.< A green purse and bangles! I really want to wear them bangles. If only they were just that bit smaller, they'd be perfect. And there was much gushing over Ayat-ayat Cinta. I really want to watch it now! And consequently much discussion over jodoh and soulmates. Very amusing. The concluding theory contributed by Hudy: everyone has a soulmate (someone who loves and wants you as much as you do him/her) except that person might not be the one you live with for the rest of your life. In fact, your soulmate could be that one amazing person you spent 10 minutes with at the bus stop but never meet again. @_@ How sad, right. Haha.

PHOTOS!: Lunch at the halal Hei Sushi @ Downtown East with Eunice! I finally had a proper sushi meal, and I actually liked it! Was so happily surprised. My family largely looks down on uncooked food (My brother: "Cooking was invented for a reason.") and everyone thinks sashimi looks particularly disgusting. But but BUT! I actually liked everything I tried! So happy. I've already told Ahmad (the only cousin that likes Japanese cuisine) about it and we've promised to go together some time. :)

Me at Hei Sushi. The computerized ordering system is a bit whacked though.


Eunice with the menu. She looks amused. Probably at my crazy level of excitement over some Japanese food.


The salmon nigiri! My favourite of the lot.


The Hei Chawanmushi. Nice.


Hamachi (if I'm not wrong). I can't say I love raw cold fish, but it wasn't bad.


Prawn nigiri. Prawns never go wrong in my book. (:


Salmon roe. At first they looked scary, but they turned out fine. Salty, but nice.


Maguro nigiri. aka Tuna.


Soft shell crab! Eunice was like, "You've never eaten soft shell crab?! @_@ WE MUST HAVE IT."


Ja!

I'm going out to buy movie tickets in Toa Payoh of all places, because apparently, Congkak only airs at Eng Wah Cinemas. Sigh. Car, I want car. Abah says when I get my licence maybe he'll think of buying us a small car, a cherry qq maybe, ugly as it is.

I was trying to put up photos but tssssk. There is something wrong with blogger at the moment, I think.

My sis just asked me for the name of a music band. I'm like -_____________-"

You ask me for the name of the band? Me, who thought Fountains of Wayne was Fountains of Bay? Haha, really. I'm so bad at recognizing singers and musicians. It is a rare occasion when I truly fall in love with a song and look up the person who sings it.

I have photos to post but I feel lazy. Maybe in a while.

We are going to watch Congkak tomorrow! yippeeness.

Tabloid gossip is such guilty pleasure. >.< Yamapi and Abiru officially over? Please be true. Yamapi deserves better.

Speaking of tabloids... Current family drama made me laugh the other day. It's like, really, the tabloids. You hear like 6 different versions of the same event, rehashed more than 30 times, and you have to try and figure out the truth. And take everything with a little grain of salt.

And the funniest thing was, "Sejak bila aku curi beca?" That was just. That just made me laugh so much. Totally tabloid. Like celebrities reading stuff about themselves in the paper and going, "Eh! I'm not dating her! I said barely two words to her!"

SIGH.

But really. Last night, I almost wanted to cry. When will it ever stop.

Nevermind if you don't know what I'm blabbing on about, it's not worth mulling over.

oh yes! Mother's Day! We gave umi an oriental tea set. And I hugged her and cried. I really am very emo. I'm one of those people you can't hug, because once you do, it'll just release a flood of tears. Sometimes I think I'm holding a fragile glass container in my chest that's just about to crack open anytime. Eheh. There we go, emo again. :|

I pray for better times. Weather the storm and we'll reach the shore, someday.

It's summertime and all, and mostly, I am happy, yes, I am. But but but. Little things can be truly bothersome, and can spoil everything. ack ack ack.

SNIFF.

My heart feels heavy.

I think I need to wake up early tomorrow and do some productive things.

I'm remembering a line from the movie adaptation of The Other Boleyn Girl (which rocked, did I say?): The art of being a woman is letting men think they are the ones in control.

And my. I think it's so so so so so so true. I watched with my brother, so I asked him about it when we were driving back, and he was like, "Yarlah. I think men know it but can't do anything about it." Haha. Women are super-manipulators, okay. If you think about it, Anne Boleyn, as the story depicted, was probably behind the establishment of the Church of England. Amazing, ain't it?

Sigh sigh sigh. Be a good woman, women. Women make or break a family I think, so be a good one.

Also, when I was out today, I saw the chicken essence advert again, and hello, that advert is seriously ridiculous lah okay. If you actually take notice, you'll realise that the kids who claim the intelligence-boosting power of chicken essence are all wearing supposedly top-school uniforms, except without the blatant school badges or crests. There was RG, RI, I think SJI and SCGS too, and Nanyang (without the prominent red kanji characters at the corner! @_@). Who are they trying to kid, really. The advert just SCREAMS Singapore's kiasuism, elitist attitude and grade-obsession. It bothers me! It's like, you can't really say it, but you know, if you drink chicken essence, you can go to RI.

-_- puke.

Some Rafflesians seriously go overboard. Like that Rafflesian success stories book, if you've seen it. What is the need, seriously, to title it that way??? I can't fully verify this, but do we go to bookstores and find books like "Cambridge Success Stories", or "Harvard Superstars" or something like that?! Eeeesh. Sometimes ah. Cannot take it, yar.

I finished watching 1 Litre of Tears. And my goodness, the drama keeps to its title. I cried so much, it's nuts. It's at the level of Tuesdays with Morrie and Prozac Nation and Pawn in Frankincense; where it ain't just, "Ohmygod, that's sad!" and you shed a couple of tears. It's like serious outpourings, non-stop waterworks, almost sobbing out loud kind of sad. If you're in the mood for a tearjerker, this is definitely one. Guaranteed tears. If not, you're inhuman, I think. Haha.

It's funny how, when I have to wake up early to study, I don't. But now when I have nothing to study, I don't go back to sleep after subuh despite sleeping at 3 in the morning, and I do dumb stuff like writing and blogging and reading and watching sappy stuff. My my. If we could only control where our passions lie. I so would.

FINALLY. IT IS DONE!!! DONE WITH PAPERS!!! :)))))

Bio was not great, but it wasn't bad either. But programming was expectedly nightmarish. I was so angry with myself. I couldn't even recall properly the properties of an AVL tree. I was like... eeeeh. I kept confusing Heap and Balanced Tree and AVL Tree. :( Feel horrid about it. I have no one to blame but me. Annoying I am! I really want a B for once in programming. NO more Cs please! And there was this horrid question at the end where they ask to write a recursive function for Bubble Sort, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what the freaking question wanted! Was ultra ultra pissed. I swear, if people were allowed to make noise in exam halls, I would so be making scary and whiny noises half the time. argh.

But all that done with, I am free. Pheeeeeeeew.

I am looking forward to tomorrow! Meeting up with Eunice. Maybe we can start discussing our LYMOND PROJECT. Wahaha. And plan for the rest of summer. And I also have to start on the Morocco video; once Aisyah returns me my firewire. And maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll get a job. And I can return to Arabic. Wheee. Good times. I think I really want some waffle icecream tomorrow.

I am happy, because THIS IS THE SUMMER TIME. >.<

Nothing imprisons oneself like the exam period. It's a few more days to the end of it all for me but I feel like I can't take it anymore. Just want to freaking fly away. -_- Sometimes, in fact most of the time, I stare at my notes and wonder incessantly how knowing about stirling numbers or derangements or recurrence relations is supposed to help my future somehow. Just. Head-bangingly frustrating not to be able to see how this fits into the big picture. Bleak-o.

Anyway, I felt the urge to type. These urges always come at the most importune moments, like I've mentioned before. And I decided to indulge myself (despite dismal state of revision). Something someone said has stayed with me for days now, and I shall blog about it.

The other day, the family came over to gather and chat, as malay families are wont to do. And my dad, as always, was cracking everyone up every other minute with his insane remarks. Then Kak Shida was like, "My goodness, how is it huh, to have your dad around everyday? Must be crazy." And it made me pause.

How we take things for granted, you know. And the more I thought about it, the more I couldn't imagine not having my dad and his mad humour in my life. I mean, it's not like my dad is funny 24/7; he's incredibly irritating and exasperating too. But the little things that we have around us, that have always been an integral part of our lives, we barely take notice, you know. Until someone points it out, or until we lose it. I mean, I never really realised or acknowledged, before Kak Shida pointed it out, how lucky we are, to have such a ridiculously funny dad. People are actually envious of it.

Like the other time at dinner too, on the rare occasion when my bro, sis and me were all there and we were animatedly having a conversation (I think about the slugs my brother encountered in Taiwan), and Cik An was like fascinated how we could get along so well, whilst her kids barely speak to each other except when necessary. And I was like, "Eh...". Even little things like sibling dynamics shouldn't be taken for granted, you know.

It's nice to learn about the little things you should be grateful for in life.

Okay, I shouldn't be posting essay-like entries at a time like this! gahness. >.< what am I doing.

what is this. Suddenly, my blogging has come back full-force and I can't stop but have an entry every 6 hours or so? eheh.

I'm just feeling happy, I think, that's why. Nekmah just called me to wish me and we talked and she said nice things. She said she'll pray for me; that I'll shine like a jewel through life. (: I FEEL LOVED TODAY.

And I am stroking my NEWS cd lovingly right now. How on earth did they grow on me so much. Ah. Sweet moments should last forever.

Eunice just said my being loveless comment cracked her up. And that it sounded like I'd already turned 40 and needed help from SDU or stg. -__-

Did not really mean it like that. Just that, by the time you're 21, you should have had some real loves eh. Isn't that the general consensus? But not me. Not really. It's not like I'm desperate or anything! I'm just saying. In fact, I much prefer my being this way, I think. Because... when I fall in love, it will be forever...

Wahahaha. Can you tell this nuttiness is a combination of it being my birthday and exam time as well? Nya.

I have to post because I have turned the BIG 21. O_O

ohgoshgoshgosh.

It feels like such a big event should be accompanied with fireworks and public broadcasting, not my sister's whining about tomorrow's school day. Like, becoming 21 has all these, I don't know, big connotations. The time when people look at you and finally make the judgement: "Wow, she's become a great woman." or not. And like. Wibble. I'm not sure how I fare.

I'm not miserable, I just feel unsure.

Let's see. I should record this moment when I turn 21. What am I doing right now? I'm sitting reclined on my bed, with beloved laptop, and of course blogging away. Ah. Blogging. Something that has endured the years, since I turned 14 or so. I've always loved to write, my being good at it another matter entirely.

And my sister just gave me my present! >.< She gave me NEWS Pacific cd! Plus some nice pics of Yamapi and all of them. Ohmygod, this must be so wrong. AHAHAHAH. I so totally squealed when I saw the size of the wrapped present, cause it was cd-size. I am so into Japanese Entertainment now, it's crazy. I'm just so helplessly fascinated. Ah yes. Another thing about me that has lasted till today - fangirling. One fandom after another, starting with dearest HP (the one and always). It's a part of me I both love and hate.

What else. I'm 21 but still studying. Well, that's the way it should very well be, eh. Just saying that, more than anything, I know about being a student. About that dreadful exam week I so resent; the time when you're just feeling awful; you know you have to study but you just don't feel like studying. yech.

I think I've also become more understanding of my mum. Especially recently, I've realised some things, and I've finally, I think, put that little rebel in me behind. My mum used to rub me the wrong way a lot of the time, but not anymore I think. Ah. I have matured a little, I guess.

Other than that, hm. Still loveless. Still the same. Part of me's glad. But. Not all of me.

But, truly, this moment, I AM HAPPY. Am talking to Eunice online and I just got my present from my sis. Little things like this make me happy. (:

To a great adult life.

I want to make this entry the last one in a long time. Cause I have to stay away and study. I'll go away with saying that the birds had a nice get-together this past wednesday! I miss us being together. And being crappy. And I want to post some photos. I hope you guys don't mind! I just thought the black and white photos were really nice.











:)

Ja!

I'm having a lazy day again. Don't want to budge into work! :(

My sis and me were rewatching Evil Bunny's Enjet-enjet Semut video last night. It is awesome; a classic. :) Here it is in case you haven't seen it. A must-watch for Malays.



Also, there's this jap song newly stuck in my head. It was a hit in Japan a few years back. I like it! >.< And I want to learn the chorus dance. Nya! And I seriously, seriously adore Yamashita Tomohisa (He's the one with the shorter hair in the vid). Incredibly cool lah. Here's Seishun Amigo by Shuuji to Akira.



The way to survive life is to be able to compartmentalise your ambitions, feelings and desires. I think. Anyway, last thing before I force myself into work: I've got a quote I like that I found in my brother's book, "The Game" by Neil Strauss.

In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out. Usually, what you wish for doesn't fall in your lap; it falls somewhere nearby, and you have to recognize it, stand up, and put in the time and work it takes to get it. This isn't because the universe is cruel. It's because the universe is smart. It has its own cat-string theory and knows we don't appreciate things that fall into our laps.

When I read that, I was like :( . How frustrating. I didn't know whether to scream or cry or laugh or what.

okay, time for work.

Triple crap. I need to stop watching these love stories and romance dramas and soap operas. It's turning my brain into complete mush, plus detrimental in like five million more ways. =_=

I do wonder if in essence, people never change at all. That the person you are, was the same whence you were born and will be the same the day you die. Like there's that very thing that just makes you you and you're supposed to have it always always or you wouldn't be you at all. You know? Or am I going around in circles?

Like maybe I'll always be an uber sap and eat up soppy stories like candy. And I'll always be the volcano-type of person; you know, someone who let's things bubble until everything explodes. Maybe. I'm not sure if I'm comforted or not by this theory.

This is a bit late, but Happy Maulid Rasul! (: May our love for Nabi s.a.w. grow ever stronger.

We celebrated at Kak Shida's place yesterday, with food and also a birthday cake for Mami Bee, it coincidentally being her birthday too. Food was yummy. The atmostphere was nice. Then at night, we watched Suhaimi Yusof's "Kelakar Rabak!" which was utterly random and damn funny. There were a number of short comedic skits that included a rather girlish Sultan, Panglimas armed with Jedi lightsabres and Terminator (who said when frustrated, "small-small don't want to die".) I also totally loved the comparison Suhaimi made between the Sultan and Dora the Explorer because of his short-cropped hair. Eh, ampun tuanku! Patik ingatkan Dora the Explorer tadi! Or something along those lines. gila! >.<

In the car. Note the triangle. My brother just got his licence and has become obsessed about practising.




And my dad in the front passenger seat being all kan-cheong about my brother's driving. "Eh, jangan melempah-lempah eh! Handbrake dah turun, handbrake dah turun???"


The birthday cake.


Kawaii ne! Babawok is so adorable.


My favourite kid in the world right now! Abbas, kid from the hood.





Today, I sat in CoffeeBean in Bugis (I love that place) to study for a bit, and after sitting for sometime, I realised that I liked the fact that a freakingly myriad range of people visited that place. There was this blond girl teaching a chinese dude english, a little girl who spoke japanese to someone on her mother's phone (kawaii again!), students with friends from cambodia (I accidentally overheard their conversation.), a group of deaf people interacting in sign language, a dad with his kids just back from madrasah and american tourists. I decided I liked the fact that Singapore was becoming highly multi-ethnic, cosmopolitan and global and all. You get to see so many different people. It just made me smile.

But then on the way home, when I had to battle my way through bugis junction, my enthusiasm dropped a couple of notches because unlike coffeebean, the mall was WAAAY crowded. Just looking at the people teeming from bugis village gave me shivers. It felt like geylang on raya night! I was so frustrated with the crowd, I felt like bashing people up just to clear the passageway. Couples strolling hand-in-hand especially infuriated me. (Honestly, if I were to go on a date, it would never be at a crowded mall.) GO HOME, PEOPLE. And oh yes, not to mention the national library; it was less a library and more a book warehouse sale. I felt so insulted, and practically left the moment I stepped in. Singapore just destroys the sanctity of libraries for me. So, I am kind of torn about the whole foreigners coming to Singapore thing. Because squeezing like a sardine into mrts is no fun.

okay, got to go watch letters from iwo jima for geog. essays to write.

Gaining true happiness requires one to put oneself in a position of extreme vulnerability. Yes, I think that's very true. Ohkay. No wonder it's hard.

I think the school semester is ending soon. :s I'm not ready.

am suffering from incredible emotional turmoil right now. oh what am I saying! I make a big deal out of every little thing. nyah.

Things I need to do:

1) Dredge up enough motivation to succeed. Am hitting humungous wall right now. And I know the desire is somewhere, buried deep. Just need to look for it again.

2) Breathe.

3) Get a grip.

4) Meet up with birds. ARE YOU GUYS BACK YET???

5) Write geog essay.

6) Watch Babel and Warlords.

7) Settle the thingy with turk.

8) Catch up with C++ lectures

9) Study combinatorics

10) BREATHE.

11) reinstall videoediting program into laptop

Went for mega karnival with aisyah, zahra and liyana today. Sad to say, it wasn't as meriah as it should be. We ate a whole batch of cookies, and muffins, and kuih. And I really really like Zubir Abdullah's songs. And we saw Adilah give her speech. But we left after maghrib, and ate at banquet.

Wah, damn ah. I can't take it anymore. Can cry. I wonder if people can actually die from bitter disappointment. So tired. The hope is truly worse than the disappointment. Okay, ignore me, I am being random and incomprehensible.

SIGH. But I had an interesting day today.

ackackack. I want to go to JAPAN! Cik An just came back and the photos are damn cool and I suppose it's cause of my current jap phase and all, but whatever it is, I really have to go to Japan one day. >.<

and I really think I should have gotten me a proper slr when I asked for a birthday present last year. I got a normal coolpix. Which I still do love. But since salman and hannan got their slrs, I'm like, "Hey, I should be doing that..." ): jealous lah. ah! kebodohan. why always like that.

It was out of the blue, but I suddenly thought of our story, the chain-story that we birds did throughout sec 3 and 4 and a little bit into JC. And a pang of sadness just hit me. I almost wanted to start crying. Hell, I feel like tearing now. It's just, I feel so inexplicably old. Like I've lost that part of my youth, maybe forever, and I miss it so much. And I miss, I don't know, something.

I bet most other people would recall their school life being that much more exciting than mine; I've always shunned the spotlight as much as I could. But I did have fun, in my own small ways. And I wish now I'd relished it more. Right now, I feel like.. I'm saying goodbye. And it's making me all despondent.

I suppose I'm not making sense.

Now that I'm facing my twenties, I feel like I'm preparing for battle. So much to do, and chase after, and worst of all, expectations to meet. I keep telling myself that if I reach thirty with chin up, I'll go celebrate big and sujud syukur. The fact is that, while I try hard to stay strong, and walk with a smile, and with a spring in my step, half the time, I'm just so crappily scared. Once again - potion for courage, where art thou? Maybe everyone feels a little like this, eh.

I pray, I hope.

So anyway, because I am a geek, I have to report on programming. For today's sit-in lab, I ALMOST GOT IT. I ALMOST DID. I swear. But then I realised I missed out something last minute, and so, the output was kinda wrong! :( If there was say half an hour left, I'm sure it could have been done perfectly. geram! But at least, I know now I'm getting better at this. The last take home lab scored a 95%. yoshi! (I'm still having a jap phase.)

Duck and Pigey coming back next week! something to look forward to. (:

There are days when God and the universe are on your side. I wanted to skip Combinatorics lecture today so I could go home and work on C++, and guess what? Roger Poh cancelled today's lecture to attend his son's passing out parade or something like that. Ahah.

Yes, keep smiling down on me, thank you. (:

It is amazing how much time I can spend on the internet. :s I should take like a one year off hiking in the hills or stg to reconnect with nature. Sometimes, the whole concept just scares me. I live in the cyberworld more than the real one. eh.

C++ midterm. ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE. The MCQs were hard but at least, you know, they were MCQs. But the open-ended - @_@. Really. I was holding my head in my hands and audibly telling myself not to panic, okay. It was reminiscent of RJ chem papers! LIKE DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO EVERYTHING. I was seriously hyper-ventilating. (I really wonder if taking up this module is shortening my lifespan in some way.) But amidst the panic, there was boiling rage.

When they said pencils down, I really felt like screaming, "Wtf kind of paper is this!!!" Damn angry ah. Unreasonable questions in unreasonably short time period! EESH.

Recently, I've had another epiphany (eheh, I like to call them that). I've had some hormonal revival or something. I've decided to be less of a depressed whacko, and lo and behold, I think I somehow am managing better. Like I'll be horribly upset about something, but it won't be long before I actually feel bouncy and happy again. Like actually, BOUNCY! (Okay, I sound nuts.) It's cause I make myself think of all the good things that I do have and I realise that I am happy about a lot of things, and so I slowly crawl out of my gloom.

I think I'm starting to sound really incoherent; but the essence is: I realise I'm happy, at the most basic, that I'm actually alive to feel all these ups and downs. I'm happy that I can wake up every morning. I'm happy that I still have my parents. I'm happy for my sister. Also my brother. Also my best friend, Eunice. Also for birds and mumu and jw and all my other friends. Also for all those people I've had the privilege to meet, or love, or hate. Also for my crazy but beloved obsessions.

And thinking in this manner just immediately trivialises whatever silly thing I was fussing about. And I can believe somehow, things will be all right. kudos to newfound perspective!

Current obsession: jap dramas. Manga adaptations are so so good. Watching Gokusen now. so cute lah.

Compaq is back! Fresh hard disk. Which means I lost everything before. But nevermind. At least compaq is up and running again.

As promised: photos from our outing to the zoo to celebrate mumu's birthday.

















That's it for now.

It is 1.45 am and I am so incredibly happy, I want to dance! :D I managed to successfully compile my first ever complex computer program and I can almost cry for joy. I am a nerd, I know.

yayyayayayay! I am not hopeless at programming after all. There is hope yet for me. :)

When I saw the "Awesomely Excellent" results, I wanted to collapse in happiness and relief. Thank you, thank you, thank you God. And I am so proud that I didn't take the entire night debugging! It is not even 2 am. I think I'm finally getting the gist of the approach to programming.

ohmygosh. I should celebrate with a long bout of tv tomorrow morning, and some nice eclairs from delifrance. Or stg. Haha.

I'm sorry to bore you with my nerdiness, but I am too happy. And I still feel like dancing. :p When I get back my laptop (hopefully, by tomorrow. don't good things come in pairs?), I shall post those photos that have been long-due and this place shall have less programming-related stuff.

G'night!

Laptop still not back. -________-

I've been thinking: the best things always come unprecedented. (I'm not talking about my sick laptop now. And there were omens of the crash.) But really. That's why people always say love begins with a show of hate, eh? It then catches you unaware, and all for the better. (Think Elizabeth and Mr Darcy.) Part of the beauty is in you having missed it in the first place, and you think, "How could I?".

Also, with regards to celebrities: There comes a point when you start to pity them. Fame really is a double-edged sword. When you can't walk the streets to get a can of coke you're missing out on the most basic freedom, I say. I love some celebrities, and when their discomfort becomes obvious as the cameras are flashing and the girls are screaming, I just start feeling extremely sorry for them, and pray they are able to find peace someplace. How horrible it must be. And I just wish fangirls would stop screaming sometimes. Can't you be silent and appreciative fans from a distance?

If ever I were to bump into a celebrity I love, I'd properly freeze like an ice block or at least feign indifference. Like Kak Naz, who worked in a 7-11 once, and Sheila Majid walked in with her dad to buy stuff, and Kak Naz pretended she didn't know them. And only started screaming when they left. HAHA. That's what I'd probably do. Which is dumb, because you could have gotten their autograph right.

I have work to do, which I can't make myself do. It's so utterly depressing. Everytime I think of programming, my blood turns cold, I swear.

My laptop is sick. :( I think it got overheated, and then the hard disk could no longer be accessed. So I took it to Challenger this morning. I am majorly DEPRESSED. Nothing takes away joy like ripping my beloved laptop from me. I sleep with my laptop, wake up with my laptop. Now dearest compaq is absent, and there's a hole in my heart. How do I live!

More realistically, missing laptop spells disaster - how am I going to catch up with my lectures now? (Thank god at least that the coming week is recess week.) And how am I going to complete my programming lab? (Just thinking of C++ gives me shivers, I tell you.)

And mumu must be annoyed by now, cause I still haven't put up her birthday outing photos. And now it's gonna be even more delayed! :( My dear laptop, get well soon.

Aside from laptop fiasco, I have to report a strange change in me - I've become scarily more rebellious. Not the superficial scream-at-your-parents kind. It's more the so-what-if-I-don't-live-the-way-I'm-supposed-to kind. I want to rebel against the me I've been all my life. To look out the window, and just take off. I'm there at the window now and I just want to go so bad.

I've been wanting to to put up my CNY family picnic photos! BUT NO TIME. I can cry. Programming is killing me. NO joke man. I have been brought to tears. Nothing is worse than this. Chemistry almost seems like heaven to this. Goodness. I should have done pharmacy with Eunice, I think.

And tomorrow, we have a sit-in lab = code and submit within 2 hours.

And someone posted something real funny but very true in the forums.

How a sit-in lab will probably turn out for me:

Log on/open browser etc 1 min

Reading the question 1 min

Understanding the question 10 min

Figuring out an algorithm 20 min

Typing it out into Sunfire 10 min

Debugging code 20 min

Realising I misinterpreted question 1 min

Smacking my forehead 1 min

Cursing and Swearing 1 min

Frantically Trying to figure out another algo 30 min

Finding out it's too late, stares into my impending doom 15 min

HAHA. But man. People who have not given this a go just have no idea of the absolute hear-tearing frustration of programming. You should look at my bedroom floor after a night of, literally, hair-tearing and sleepless frenzy over Lab 2 the entire night and early morning; but sadly, I couldn't work that either.

Am walking a path of doom here!

Ugh. The next time I post better not be about programming.

I am so incredibly disappointed. I spent half of yesterday figuring out code for my programming lab, and stayed up till 4.30am at my laptop, and I still couldn't work it. :( Seriously. Programming causes much heartache and insanity. I should have taken a photo of my ragged self on my bed, surrounded by piles of notes, with crazed, wide eyes. I kept rummaging through the freaking notes every 5 minutes, when a possible new idea came to me, but still nothing worked. And the only reason I turned in at 4.30 was cause I could hear my granny waking up for morning prayers and I didn't want her to exclaim in shock that I hadn't slept a wink. Otherwise, I think I'd have kept at it till the deadline at 9 am this morning. Which would be nutty, but I was so irritated.

argh. so geram! I was so close to getting it. It was down to two freaking things. But they were essential things that made the output wrong. This means that, no matter how I was on the right track to figuring things out, if I cannot make the output exactly the same as the question states, I fail all test cases and lose 70% of the marks! It's like giving "Ilikeapples" when they ask for "I like apples", and they give you NO CREDIT AT ALL for cracking your head for more than 24 hours on it. EEESH. Yes, I understand, precision is of the utmost priority in computation, but goddamn it all, is no one going to acknowledge the crazy amount of effort and time that goes into this thing?

And I was so looking forward to going out with my sis today. But now, freaking codes are still swimming around in my head (cause I still haven't worked it out, although I am now powerless to alter my submission). I get so hung up about getting things.

I now have even greater respect for computer nerds.

Happy New Year, you Chinese people! Even I have elaborate gatherings coming.

Sometimes I think I'm so psychologically damaged, it's not funny.

Anyway, we were eating at duku road tonight. I managed to get the delicious briyani; it's usually sold out. And there was this adorable, adorable cat that kept mewing all the time for food. And it gave me the classic puss-in-boots-from-shrek type of teary stare - it was so irresistible! If you think that the people who did Shrek were overdoing the teary cat stare, you're wrong! My heart just melted at the the sight of his stare, and my sis and me kept throwing him chicken and mutton over the side of the table.



I swear the cat looked just like that! Except that he was black and white, not orange, and his eyes weren't green, and he wasn't holding a hat. But otherwise! This is a replica. Ohmygosh. I so want a cat.

I suppose everyone has got a fear of rejection, at least a little. It's only human, right. But mine is irrational, I think. A completely irrational and disproportionate fear. I wish I wasn't so chicken! >.< It's true what those wise people say: there's nothing to fear but fear itself. I need to cure me of this. I am sick of being scared!

This morning, Dan and Young on radio were asking people to choose between peanut butter and nutella. duh!!! NUTELLA! I grew up loving nutella; I used to to eat nutella spread every morning when I was a kid. And you know I don't like peanut butter, because peanuts just don't taste right with bread to me. And they're sticky and plebeian. eheh. And a lot of people apparently chose nutella over peanut butter. Common sense, I say.

I am looking forward to the weekend. And the CNY weekend. And the end of Feb pls!

Been uploading some photos - here's one. Us sending bubu off to Qatar. It was a mega gathering, quite.

My sister got 8 points for her Os. (: And everybody was all jubilation. Quite honestly, I knew she had it in her. Everyone else just had some unaccounted, skewed and underestimated view of her capabilities. So anyway, everyone wanted to have their bit in celebrating. My family went to T3 Earle Swensen's for icecream the same night of the results, and the very next night, Cik Dah brought us there again, to the very same place, to celebrate! My mum and me were so kan-chiong about the fact that the staff were going to recognise us from the previous night. Heh.

At first, my dad was all, "Go RJ!" And I was also all, "Hey, why not!" So I have fellow Rafflesian in family eh. But then, she knew what the stress was all about, having seen me through my JC years, and there was some worry about the prioritisation of choices for selecting JC (or something) and so she settled with VJ. Ne. My brother was all: -_____________- PARKWAY PARADE AGAIN. Haha. He wanted my sister to quite literally, get out of the east, and explore our tiny island.

On other things: Have had a rather mellow and introspective weekend. Sometimes I get truly worried that my brain will self-combust with the over-worrying, which of course, only worsens the situation. Eheh. But now, I think, I've learnt the little trick to put things in perspective. (Thank you, Allah and Rasul.) I am happy that so far, I have kept to my 2008 resolutions. The hardworking part is always kind of difficult to maintain, but I still try. And the gaining perspective part - I think I'm well on my way. (: I shall be a brand new me when I turn 21.

I miss Mumu. I can't wait to meet up and see what she says about Supes. I miss the birds. And I even miss turk too, cause we didn't get to meet the past week to go home together. And Jean too! I think she's done with her med papers for now...

As a sign off for this highly optimistic entry, here's an extremely lovable icon I stole from my sis who stole from someone else so it doesn't matter:



Two of some of my favourite things! I do adore Sam.

I will occasionally have phases of watching youtube videos about religion and Islam. That was how I discovered Ahmad Deedat, the South African Muslim preacher who debated in comparative religion. And yes, I devoured those. Eheh. They are so gripping. So anyway, these videos, if you ever actually bother watching religion-related videos you'll know this, will always have many many many comments. Like 1593 comments, for instance. And it's full of slander and curses and open ridicule. It is just horrifying and disgusting. But I read them anyway because... quite honestly, they are addictive. I just get really riled up and feel like strangling some of them. And it is also amazing how ignorant some people are. Amazing.

Like apparently, the typical American thinks every Muslim man will marry four women. DUDE. How dumb. Some are even worse - they think Muslims hate women??? WHAT THE HELL. A million of them just say things in complete and utter ignorance, it is truly jaw-dropping. If they just truly truly bothered to find out about Islam, they'd know that Islam was the first to properly accord respect and status to women WAAAAAAY before any institution ever did. HAIYOH. Ignorance is humanity's disease.

And my god. Rasulullah did marry a nine-year old girl, who had matured. Not a kid. NOT A KID, y'all. This means she had reached puberty. She eventually became his favourite and most beloved wife and most famous female Islamic scholar. This beautiful relationship between the Prophet and his favourite wife is no basis for an accusation of pedophilism, astaghfirllah. Seriously. I just want to cekik these people.

I know there's not much point lamenting all this here because the poor souls who say such horrible things are over at youtube. But if I were to post there, no matter how polite and decent my rebuttal, they'd just reply incoherently with numerous fucks and shits and assholes. So I just have to let it all here. Sigh. Unbelievable.

I alternately feel like writing. And then not writing. I am indecisive even about the most mundane minute things in life. haiyoh.

I am still sad about Heath. Was feeling sad throughout my entire kitchen clean-up tonight. :(

My mum commented on how easy my life is now. It seems so, I suppose. Lectures starting in the late afternoon, no homework at this stage, no rush. But I go: "Huh! Easy???" If people only knew the amount of torture I put on my mind every single day. I think it could drive even the most optimistic person mad with fear. Worry about USP. Worry about CAP. Worry that I am going to utterly suck at computing no matter how hard I try. Worry about seemingly non-existent job prospects. Worry that I should be doing just something more. Worry about whether to apply for this or that thing. Worry about where I'm going to end up ten years from now. Worry about just every other stupid detail. I just want to tell my brain to shut up. Really.

I just can't chill. What is wrong with me. Sometimes I try to make myself visualise putting my crazy roundabout thoughts into a big wooden chest, heavily padlocked, and then set aside. But that works for like only five minutes max, before my thoughts go to my worries again. Learning to relax is no easy thing for me. It's hard for me to see life as good right now, but I try. Because I know it is. It is good. I just can't see it very well.

Heath Ledger died?! What. What. What. NO! :( What is it lately with these young actors! I just heard yesterday that Brad Renfro died recently too (the pretty and talented boy in The Client).

SNIFF. I really loved Heath. I think I've watched like all the movies he was in. Except Monster Ball. And he's acting as joker in the upcoming Dark Knight too! This is just too sad. ONLY 28 years old okay. I've liked him since Knight's Tale and 10 Things I Hate About You. An ounce more of fan-feeling in me, and I think I might burst out crying for him.

They say it might be drug-related. But it doesn't seem Heath-like. :( If there was a star that deserved to go this way, it ain't him!

Bubu got to see Sami Yusof in Qatar!!! >.< I want I want I want x 100!!! tak fair seh. He's so amazing! Waaah. :( His third album better be available somewhere in Singapore for me to get.

So in case you're still not clued in: Sami Yusof is an England-based (if I'm not wrong) Muslim singer and musician and his songs are all about Islam, and it so so so rocks cause he sings in english, turkish, hindi and arabic (very international! anybody thinking world peace?), and the music is so good. He did a collaboration with Outlandish once too.

This one, Hasbi Rabbi, is still one of his best IMO; (it was one of the first). The music video is damn nice too; and I realise I've been to all the places featured in it! I'm quite the traveller. Watch it!

Finished Oliver Twist. And I think I surprised myself cause I actually found Dickens extremely funny at parts. He makes humour using exaggeration and seemingly matter-of-fact statements. Oh man. I'm incapable of describing it.

"It was all Mrs Bumble. She would do it," urged Mr Bumble; first looking around to ascertain that his partner had left the room.

"That is no excuse," replied Mr Brownlow. "You were present on the occasion of the destruction of these trinkets, and indeed are the more guilty of the two, in the eye of the law; for the law supposes that your wife acts under your direction."

"If the law supposes that," said Mr Bumble, squeezing his hat emphatically in both hands, "the law is a ass - a idiot. If that's the eye of the law, the law is a bachelor; and the worst I wish the law is, that his eye may be opened by experience - by experience."

~ 'Oliver Twist' by Charles Dickens

HAHA.

I watched Planet Earth tonight and it was so gorgeous. I don't see how one can watch these things and not entertain the notion of becoming a zoologist or a photographer for national geographic or something.

My math professor is weird extraordinaire. He is the most absent-minded, dazed, in-his-own-world professor I've encountered so far. Lawton was strange and absent-minded, but this guy is weirder! But still adorable in a grandfather sort of way. He rambles indefinitely, to the incontrollable laughter of some of us. I have a theory that mathematicians are more prone to losing their screws in old age. Not like real psychatric mad; but just mad as in weird. It must be all those numbers they immerse themselves in their entire lives. You've got to temper them with words and a nice dose of television, or else you might go bonkers.

I'm experiencing a healthy bout of optimism this week. It must be the effects of a new semester. All brand new hopes, rainbows over every module, nice blank white paper for scribbling, and calenders with empty slots begging to be filled. Dear God, let this feeling last.

ohmygosh. I love James McAvoy. He is so good at what he does, and so funny. I just watched the most entertaining interview - him on Parkinson. He is just hilarious.

I really should phase out my movie-watching habit, now that term has started. But man, this is my drug, and thence damn hard to kick.

And oh, Amir Fadl is coming to KL in Feb! I am both excited and apprehensive. Really. I never know how to feel around him, cause I think he can just see completely through me, and that makes me truly nervous. Just goes to show how much of my true self I ever display freely to others. And anyway, it is so uber scary to speak to him at all.

Bumped into Cikgu Fadilah at buona vista MRT yesterday. Chance encounters always leave me slightly baffled, because I am always, against my better judgement, inclined to take meaning from it, believing in the whole nothing-is-coincidence concept. Cikgu looked mostly the same, and inquired after the rest of the batch. I told her what I knew. She seemed a little distracted, like maybe the remembrance of RJ was not pleasant at all. I think she hated RJ with a vengeance. I really don't blame her. I am conscious of my brain slowly whitewashing my JC years (especially when I see my sister doing Orientation stuff and I recall how fun Jaxoras was), but if I remember accurately, there were numerous moments of absolute fear, frustration, stupidity and bleakness.

I was just thinking the other day, how every little incident that happens, I try to fit into the big jigsaw that is life. How, at every turn of the time, I'm trying to figure out life. And yesterday, I was struck by the horrifying thought that I would still be figuring out life on my deathbed. But then maybe, life is about figuring out life, eh? I mean, religion can teach you one thing, but you still, somehow, gotta figure some things out for yourself. And man, if you know what I'm talking about, you'd know how exhausting it is. It's just one theory after another.

And now, I'm thinking, it's true about the cliche: hope is kind of the whole point. Because it can be bleak, bleak, bleak and ultra bleak, but as long as there's that glimmer of hope, that one shining ray of a better future, humanity does not give up. So, in line with my human nature and against calculated logic, I hope. And get disappointed. And hope again. Life in a nutshell, I guess.

I was rummaging through my favourites folder and found something I should have shared long ago. >.< It is hilarious. It's an article from an online newspaper, the San Francisco Chronicle. The writer comes up with her own list of the Sexiest Men Alive, in response to People Magazine. And she includes:

Totoro (animated forest spirit, Hayao Miyazaki's "My Neighbor Totoro"): He's not really a man; he's more a giant, furry Blob of Cute, but he can fly. He belongs in the sky. We could belong to each other.

ohmygosh, no! Haven't I said many times - his teeth are too chompy! haha!


Eunice will be happy to note that Nadal made her list, with the interesting comment: Rafael Nadal (tennis star): The hair is bothersome, but the bottom is gold.

Mr Darcy also made it, DUH. He's on everyone's list, no? She said: Nastiness redeemed is an aphrodisiac. - to which I have no objections whatsoever. And in which case, DT!Draco, Lymond and Logan Echolls would also qualify. She also has Darth Maul included, despite absence of redemption. (Red with black stripes is not my style, unfortunately.) Also: Heathcliff, Holmes, Haldir (an LotR elf), and haha, Atticus Finch.

Where is Dean Winchester, I say.

Okay, I know I need to lighten up! :P I try, I do.

Met up with Hudy and Khairiah, then Sowmya and Jean today. Sowmya is moving to Melbourne! :( Why do people keep going away. And the next time I see her? Indefinite.

Gained some good perspective today. Thumbs up for me.

School starting in a few days. I'm bracing myself. Keeping fear at bay is my utmost priority.

I also have come to realise that I am slowly but certainly outgrowing this blog. I can no longer write in it. The last entry, which had heartfelt sentiments, was up for a mere half hour before I dumped it into the drafts folder. I've become more uptight than before or something. Anything that's remotely personal doesn't belong on this screen anymore. I no longer feel comfortable being honest here. I've grown to become more private, at the least; more of a recluse, at the worst. oh well. I say give it another year, and we'll see if this blog still survives.

That's why I talk about film and tv more than anything else, I suppose. It's the only thing I allow myself to express freely about here.

Watched Atonement. (Honestly, this December break tops all my hols for most watched movies and tv shows.) Briefly: a little nuisance of a girl makes up lies about people, with terrible consequences. Also, a love story. (So you can just put two and two together, eh?)

There was a severely draggy part somewhere in the middle of the movie, and you normally don't hear the comment 'draggy' from me. So, yes, it was draggy. And slightly confusing. It was jumpy, and abrupt at parts, so you're left wondering for a few seconds at every new scene: "What on earth has happened???" If I could pick one word to describe the movie, I'd agree with most reviews: COLD. It's a movie that'll leave you COLD inside. It was like, "Okay, here's the bitter truth of this story. It's horrible. And here are more horrible things. Life is tragic, so deal." At the end, I felt bleak. Not sad, just BLEAK. I'd rather you make me cry properly.

But the filming was still beautiful. Gorgeous, gorgeous scenery and sets. With a 5.5 minute film track that reviews are raving about. People are also raving about Knightley's amazing green gown. ohmygosh, I agree. The gown was a spectacular green.

Overall, it was still worth a watch though because period pieces are always a must-see for me. And James McAvoy is always great to watch. (: And although it was bleak, it was something different.

Okay, I so need to watch a bouncy, happy, definitely-happy-ending romance.

Finished reading Zorro! I liked it! The ending was a bit unsatisfying, but I still liked it. Now I need to dig up my old Zorro videos and rewatch! Yayness. I like reading a lot of things, but yes, I have resigned myself to the fact that I'm a hopeless romantic with a weakness for swashbuckling heroes. :P

Decided to take time off from USP this sem. Will see how it goes. I decided the stress might not be all that worth it. I mean, really, if I develop a tumour before I even graduate, what's the point, right? I need to learn to take some perspective this year. Also! 2008 shall be the year I strive to clear my clutter. Because I read in today's paper that mess and clutter is sometimes a serious psychological problem; and it confirmed my suspicions. I always felt my clutter was my way of expressing my deep discontent of something; or like a reflection of my incessant habit of sweeping things under the rug. BESIDES - this lady was reported to have cleaned her clutter and lost 22.5kg as well! Definitely gotta try.

And I watched the movie Accepted, starring Justin Long - loved it! Briefly: a guy got rejected by all the colleges he applied to and faked an acceptance letter to deceive his parents. The lie grew into a 'real' school with 'real' students. It was hilarious, and very relatable. It touched me deep cause I was already suffering a college life crisis, and it just came at the right time. It made me feel less alone.

Anyway, lepak-ing at ami omar's place again; and we're listening to the chipmunk version of today's pop hits. hee, it is cute.

I am happy because I finally managed to put together my ISM proposal for the professor. What a relief. Now I'll wait and see if he agrees.

Anyway, beware because I am about to go into a tv rant in a moment. I've figured I'm an obsession junkie of sorts. At any point in time, ever since forever, I have been obsessed over one thing or another. It's like I live on my obsessions. HP, of course, as an example, was the major obsession of my teen years. And then there was Lymond, another major obsession. And then I have minor obsesssions in between. You get the picture. Right now, it's Supernatural. And my, do the fan discussions drive me mad. They do.

I JUST. Feel like strangling some of them. They keep bashing the girls on the show and by extension they are bashing their own favourite show, and don't they know they're endangering the lifespan of the show by doing so? Grr. I mean, I've been watching Season 3 right, and my first response was all, "Ohmygod, I love it even more now! They totally upped the special effects!" (Seriously, episode 2 freaked me to no end.) Then, I came online to read fan forums and ohmegad, the bashing. People were just simply COMPLAINING LEFT AND RIGHT. Bela sucks. Katie Cassidy sucks. Not funny enough. And you have those irritating ones who dismissively declare how they couldn't care less if the show got cancelled anymore since Kripke messed with the perfect brother formula of season one, and the snappy dialogue was gone, and they just want them to ditch the girls.

OMG, SHADDAP I SAY. If you couldn't care less, why are you even bothering to be at the fan forums??? It's like no one is bothering to say anything good, despite the fact that it's a freaking fanforum!

They already managed to write off Jo (although I pray she comes back one day). But if these dumb fans become the reason for the non-materialisation of season 4, I will scream bloody murder.

My brother complained how all I ever blog about is school. Or tv, evinced by this entry. school. tv. more school. tv. occasional family event. book review. tv. exam. tv. No long posts about big gathering of friends, or outings, or picnics, or parties. If it makes me a geek, so be it. I've realised I like myself better this way anyway.

I met up with my primary school friends today! And my - I had a blast. We talked SO MUCH. It felt so nice. I hadn't met up with Delfina in like forever and I forgot how much of a chatterbox she was! And me, yus and her sat at TM starbucks talking until dusk. We laughed over sweet primary school memories. I think my primary school had really nice kids; tampines street 11 had really nice kids. I'm so glad we made the effort to keep in touch, even though full-attendance gatherings still haven't materialised.

Happy new year everyone. (: Hopefully, good things are ahead for me. Somehow.