I am rich and happy. (okaylah, not so rich, but still happy):)))) Haaaaa. It feels good. After much stress and agony, (right to the last moment, let me tell you), it feels real good to know people were happy with pentas. And that we made it work - DESPITE EVERYTHING.

Despite our certainty that murphy's laws were toying with us at every turn, we managed to overcome. Everything that could have gone wrong really did. So much so that ibnur himself lost faith in 'ibnur's laws'. Haha. So many merepek obstacles overcome. Ohmygosh. Farhanah was right. Can't believe it's over. 10 frakking months, was it? So looooong.

I don't have any photos cause I was lazy to whip out my camera. Too kecoh with everything.

Just to illustrate the craziness of pentas, even on the night itself:

1) an hour to arrival of GOH, I discovered our reserved parking lots were taken over by two unknown vehicles. (Wanted to scream, man.) I was about to breakdown, I tell you. Haha. Then, I paced around the carpark, wracking my brains. Here, I have to thank Yusrina, whose cute, tiny blue car was miraculously one of the cars that managed to get parking. So we begged her to give up her space for GOH's big merc and she obliged. We owe her big. Miracle, that was. Stupid, useless VT people who didn't tell me properly to guard the lots. Eeeesh.

2) Front doors refused to open at 8 pm. Wahlau. People swarming around the registration table with irritated faces is not a pleasant experience.

3) As me and yammie were starting to clear up the registration table at bout 8.30, this boy came up to us and said, "Kak, boleh masuk tak? I baru kena rompak ah. Nak jumpa kawan kejap." We were like @_@, WHAT. "Sumpah???" "Sumpah!" Apparently, some three dudes, just round the corner, took away his bag of money and his ticket. And we gave him the benefit of the doubt and yammie took him in to see his friend. We were freaked out ah! Me especially, owing to the fact that I was holding on to a cashbox overflowing with bills.

4) omg. the most kecoh results tabulation EVER. Lin and Hidayat calculating scores at one end of the world (we had no idea which corner of the theatre they were parked at, painfully taking FOREVER counting), and me freaking out over prizes, at stage right. Waiting for Lin to come over with the results. Hilarious to recall now. Ibnur was writing out names of sponsors on a piece of white paper for our dewa/emcee, as a filler dialgue, while we waited for Lin. And then we couldn't find SCOTCHTAPE to tape the paper onto the dewa's scroll. I was wringing my hands with worry. Then Ibnur started peeling off tape from the plastic bags backstage to pathetically paste the paper on the scroll.

Then, when Mahathir, our fantastic dewa, was on stage unfurling the scroll, the white paper fell, and he went, "Tengoklah makhluk bumi ni, tak tahu nak gam betul-betul!"

OMG! He is so hilarious. Fantastic, spontaneous performer. My sis (who sat right in front of the judges) said Rafaat Hamzah was totally impressed by him. He was like, "Mana dorang dapat budak ni seh?"

I kept calling Lin up to tell her to STOP COUNTING AND COME WITH THE RESULTS NOW NOW NOW. I think there were three of us there running around like worried, headless chickens. Wany was totally stressing, "I need the results now! Now!" And then when Lin finally came, there were like about ten of us crowding over the judges' papers. I was totally totally BRAIN-SCRAMBLED. Cause Mahathir was done announcing the sponsors and we still didn't have the results.

I had to squat down for a moment to gather my thoughts before I totally went nuts.

Then we were all like, crowding around the papers, dashing out:

"Okay, sape overall?"

"I need everyone to look at the drama sheet, the drama sheet."

"Lin, SAPE OVERALL WINNER???"

"Purnama Sari! Purnama Sari!"

"Best actor? Best actor?"

"Just give me a name!"

"(read off judging sheet) Yang pakai baju merah..."

"Sape yang pakai baju merah!!!"

"OHMYGOD!!!" (this is probably me being totally stressed and unhelpful)

"Mat Jenin, Mat Jenin!"

"You sure???"

And all the while, Mahathir was going back and forth, on and off stage, entertaining the audience while we figured out the winners. His booming voice, "Apasal lambat sangat hah!", was half-making me go into hysterics.

GOODNESS.

That whole 5 minute fiasco has made such precious memory now. I'll never forget how crazy it was. HAHAHA.

Wooooooooooooooooooooooh.

I'm glad we all stuck by pentas budaya.

crunch time for pentas. :s

Amidst all these whacked things going on that's frying my brain into mush, it feels strangely incongruous to receive a 'Hi, cher!' from one of my hyper ex-students. Cheerfulness ain't fitting in right now.

The impossibility of tomorrow (but see how we will triumph over impossibilities):
1) We need 36 packets of white printing paper for event booklets, the cost of which was not foreseen by the blur-sighted treasurer - me.
2) We have no transport to carry said paper.
3) 36 packets of paper are heavy.
4) I think we have less than 4 hours to print 1200 copies of event booklets.
5) Current manpower: 2

6) Despite all this, I have the comp bio tea session that I need to attend in the morning, owing to pressing doubts and questions.

Extreme multi-tasking reduces productivity.

All my modules for this sem have been settled. :) thank god.

Today, for the first time at coffee bean, I got a Mango Creme fruit blend instead of my normal coffee blends. Delicious.

The beginning of every sem seems to give me a certain drive. I'm all geared up now to raise my cap. Must must must. Else usp or comp bio might give me the boot.

[Yu Jie] loves the HP books! says:
ahahaha guess WHAT!

shammity rammity says:
eh
shammity rammity says:
WHAT?
shammity rammity says:
you have a boyfriend?

[Yu Jie] loves the HP books! says:
-_________________________-

shammity rammity says:
okay.. not that... you're gonna appear on tv?
shammity rammity says:
WHAT!!!

[Yu Jie] loves the HP books! says:
I GOT A KITCHEN SCALE!
[Yu Jie] loves the HP books! says:
:'D
[Yu Jie] loves the HP books! says:
HAHAHA

shammity rammity says:
-___________________________-"
shammity rammity says:
goodness.

unhealthy obsession over kitchen appliances much? haha.

Everything's so hectic. My favourite time of any day now lies during the wee hours of the morning - past midnight when I've signed off msn and when I've made myself quit worrying about one thing or another. And I can relax and read and escape.

Earlier, I was washing this mug I had used. The mug was from someone's wedding and had all these words of promise and forever-ness inscribed within a heart. And then a moment later, I realised that the couple was no longer together. I zonked out for a bit in surprise. How horrible is it to realise a mug outlasts a marriage? I suppose, if one were to think about it, there must be a million of such items from a million failed relationships. But to hold it in my hand like that - so sad lah. People make so many empty promises of forever, eh?

sometimes, I wish I could just put faces or something. Scrunched up faces of frustration maybe. aiiyaaayy.

Possible modules for USP this coming sem:

- Cyberart: sounds uber fun cause it has video and photography and generally stuff that I love. But sounds extremely time-consuming. Two major projects or something.

- Negotiating Moral Issues: ethics of biotech. Very relevant. Okay, I guess.

- Southeast Asian Studies: Making of a Region - doesn't sound too bad. It doesn't look like social studies.

- Quantum Computing and Information - freakily interesting because it has the whole crazy quantum world involved! you know, electrons disappearing and tiny particles that defy classical physics! but I only have one science module left to do. And if I do this I can't do Time, Space and Matter next time. Time, Space and Matter is even more fascinating cause it's the whole Einstein space theory about the infinitely expanding universe and time stuff I can't understand. Haha.

Waaah. I don't know. My course schedules are still in a mess. I think I need to see my advisor ASAP to help me sort out my uni life. Because at the rate I'm going... I'm pretty screwed. No space for first-tier modules... much less for advanced ones!

My multiculturalism essay still not materialising! :s

I came up with a strategy while praying today. Everytime I feel an anxiety attack coming, I shall pause, blank my mind and count to ten. Then I tell myself, whatever it is and no matter how bad the situation, Allah and Rasul will help me. (Amin.) One must always keep perspective in order to stay sane. Besides, Bertrand Russell (I think) also said that the sign of a nervous breakdown is when one starts taking one's work far too seriously. So CHILL, I tell myself.

potterpuffs are back! now with icons and pics for deathly hallows. Don't scroll down if you fear spoilers of any form.






















luna and xeno!!! adorable, aren't they? :p

go to potterpuffs for more.

It feels wrong not to talk about the end of HP here. It being so influential on my life and all.

I mean to abandon this place for a while, to take time off, for reasons even I have trouble understanding.

But it would be wrong not to mark the end of an incredible (ten-year-long) story. SO here.

AHEAD: MAJOR BOOK 7 SPOILERS. MAJOR RAMBLE.















I have to gloat that I was so spot on about Snape loving Lily! I just absolutely knew it.

But the way Snape died is tragic. Really. How sad is Snape's life, man.

I love the fact that this book really elucidated everything! (Duh, last book and all, huh?) Especially about Dumbledore! My goodness. His past is so fascinating. And the fact that he was once an ambitious, impulsive, young boy makes him all the more real. And everything about Snape - my! No words. Just a long-due feeling of vindication for an underdog and seriously misunderstood man.

Harry's final wand duel with Voldemort? Epic, yo! And throughout the entire book, I kept thinking, "When did Harry evolve into such a leader?" He's so confident and passionate about what he's doing and compassionate and strong and brave and a million other hero-adjectives. It's shocking that JKR managed to turn him into this when we knew Harry as merely a lonely, scrawny and scared boy only seven years prior. It is excellent character development, no doubt. That final showdown didn't diappoint. I love Harry's speech to Voldie. He spoke like... like... like a man! Not a boy anymore.

And how cool is it that Ron used Parseltongue to get basilisk blood! That is genius work! Ron is adorable more than ever this time, because we see him doing extraordinary things on his own, and he doesn't seem to expect it of himself.

And Ron/Hermione finally materialises. :) And very in-character too.

Most devastating death: Fred Weasley. So devastating that I couldn't shed any tears over it at first. Too shocking. We've always banked on the twins to be there and be funny when times go bad. But when one of them goes, it's just like... kind of a helpless feeling. Waaaah.

I shockingly cried over Moody's death. I mean, he's never been prominent enough to gain my affections, but when he just died like that - it was heartbreaking! Probably his death just highlighted the extreme danger and helplessness of the Order's situation.

Dobby's death was similarly devastating. Which author would bother to kill a house-elf? I mean, fandom work that I've read before have never made the death of a non-wizard so tragic! But JKR succeeded. Dobby holds such dear memories of stacks of woolen hats and tea cosies, and serving Harry like no other. Sniff.

AND HEDWIG!!! Hedwig was the first to go! I mean, like hello! Aren't even pets free from the dangers of the Dark Side???

Oh yes, Oliver Wood appeared again, much to Yujie's satisfaction.

Ah sigh. I could go on, I suppose, and list out my exclamation over every other little thing. But that'll be crazy work.

I LOVE HP. Can't believe Harry finally did it, you know. I remember, when that scene was over, when Voldie was laying dead on the floor - I was quite stunned. I just had trouble letting the fact that it was OVER sink in. But wooh! it was GREAT while it lasted.

I feel like taking a little break.

Today, went to settler's cafe with yujie and eunice. I was incredibly late, but yujie just yelled a little bit via sms so it's fine. heh. And we played games! snorta, cluedo and this weird party-talk game (it's kinda like 'whose line is it anyway'). so hilarious. there was one where anything we said had to be a question and we kept going 'can't you?', 'isn't it?' and 'you know...?' amidst hysterical laughter. I have a feeling I was the loudest person there. I tend to be very oblivious of how loud my voice can go when I'm excited.

Then we went to kino whilst yujie got her laptop and we browsed the books. And looked at antique maps - which are so so so cool. And crazy math books. And looked inside Newton's Principia (totally unintelligible, man!). And I almost bought a Roald Dahl collection. And I definitely definitely want to read Gormenghast soon!

AND AND AND AND! I finally found HP shirts! Yay. So I can wear for saturday. It says dumbledore's army. I had to take XL cause it was supposed to be for kids, but the XL should fit okay. hehehe. so happy! once again: things always pop up nicely when you don't expect them to.

And got yummy banana cake from yujie at last, and fantastic turkish delight from eunice. Looks like I'll have to bring something next time round...

One of my neighbours has a very excitable dog. This neighbour also likes to leave his front door open, so that said dog would bound over from the recesses of the house and bark incessantly at the gate whenever someone so much as stealthily tiptoes past. I always jump a little bit in shock when it suddenly emerges and barks. it irks me sometimes. No matter how much I tell myself, as I walk past and shut my eyes in preparation, "It's going to yip! Get ready....", I still get a little jolt when it finally barks. It's maddening! I wish the little thing would shut up and just wag its tail or something. I know it means me no harm, but its freaking barks make me nervous.

I lost my house keys. Again. This is weird.

Also, pentas budaya has been approved $7400! That's an extra 400 bucks! Hooray for every cent; although yes, we would have better loved an extra thousand or two instead. oh well. also, I am worried about ticket sales. I have no idea who to sell to. People already seem to have elaborate plans for national day eve.

Also, my window goes ping in the night. It's the metal grid contracting cause of the aircon, right? eheh.

I think ong sor fen should shut it about hp. She practically compared OotP (the book, mind you, not the movie!) to a pile of ashes! Oh, I was so irrationally infuriated. She was supposed to give a review of the movie but half the time she was criticising JK's shortcomings in Book 5! annoying! She lamented that every book had the same formula of harry moping in privet drive, then travelling to hogwarts where the teachers are thick and oblivious, and then finally, harry and friends save the day. All I have to say is - she obviously doesn't read properly.

eeeyyaaah!

It boils down to my irritation with people who criticise before they actually truly understand. It is most aggravating. Yes, I do it sometimes too, but at least I don't write it in a national paper. -_-

My brain has been taken over hp now that book 7 is approaching. I can't help but refer to it now and then.

On other things: went to see Abang Mamad's newborn girl today! Cute, but still very tiny and red. haha. Seeing Kak Naz being an aunt, Ami Akar a granddad and used-to-be-selenge Abang Mamad as a father makes me feel old. What goes on in their family is always a preview of what will eventually happen to ours.

watched the hp movie! Loved it. As usual, they had to modify some parts but overall, I think they've got the essence of OotP onscreen. Yay for new screenwriter. :)

Went for liqa' last night. Felt alone without sis. Ate much lesser. And then got all morose thinking about big pictures and state of the world and how everything's so confusing. I've been meaning to change my msn nick to 'CONFUSSED', because being confused is what's been most prominent lately. And for most of my life actually.

Also, last night reminded me of how incredibly dense I am. And I honestly honestly can't stand it. I just want to forget everything.

I loooove mendaki. Today, my chest felt it was full to bursting with happiness, because mendaki was nice and deigned to help us. Why can't there be more nice people in this world, the likes of Kak Z? I realise I have been not-grateful-enough to mendaki thus far. Not only do they provide me money every year, but they also empathise with the difficulties of pentasbudaya. Ah yes. The sun is shining a little bit on us. Although... some other things are still falling apart.

Times like these require that grim courage Allan Massie was talking about.

There are two kinds of courage, my Prince. There is the courage which flares up in moments of danger, the courage which appears without reflection, as a mere natural response to the urgency of the moment. Though I say 'a mere natural response', you must not think that I wish to diminish this sort of courage, for many men lack it and the man who is brave in the hour of peril is justly admired.

But the other sort of courage is still more rare. This is a cold courage which allows a man to look reality in the face, to contemplate adversity and not be daunted. It is a dour level-headed sort of courage, that enables a man to hang on by his teeth when all around him crumbles. And this courage, too, Arthur possessed.

I was such in a good mood on the way back home. Was grinning and reading OotP in the bus. And it suddenly hit me if this was how bubbly, cheerful personalities felt all their lives. How lucky they are, if such people do exist.

I really like this video; I can watch it again and again, and laugh again and again. :)



Anyway, went marketing again today; marketing meaning the-looking-for-sponsors type, not the buying-fish-and-meat-for-dinner type. It wasn't so bad. I'm just getting really tired worrying and anticipating and having setbacks thrown at us again and again and having constant rejections. Feel sick of it all. I feel like we're still holding on, but barely, while things steadily fall apart. But I sincerely hope this is my cynical mind speaking. I hope that, in the end, it'll be all smiles, and we can actually forget the undesirable moments, and salvage whatever friendships that have unbiddenly formed.

Fear is evil. We should be able to bottle our fear, and set it aside. I wish I could.

I love incongruous lines. They have hilarious effects.

“I like you,” she said defiantly, her face aflame. It was strange to admit it and even stranger to realise that it was very, very true.

“Well,” he said after a while. He sounded like he had no idea how to deal with declarations of affection, no matter how warped and weird they were. He looked around at the table, at his hands, everywhere but her. “I think I feel like a cup of coffee.” ~ dg fic by Peki

another one here.

"Is it true that you shouted at Professor Umbridge?"

"Yes," said Harry.

"You called her a liar?"

"Yes."

"You told her He Who Must Not Be Named is back?"

"Yes."

Professor McGonagall sat down behind her desk, watching Harry closely. Then she said, "Have a biscuit, Potter."

"Have - what?"

"Have a biscuit," she repeated impatiently. ~ Order of the Phoenix

Am so so so tired. My eyes are dying to close. Walked around the west of singapore looking for food sponsors today and the heat plus the worry have all accumulated and created a massive throb somewhere behind my eyes.

please let things go smoothly eventually.

-begin promo-

come for pentas budaya, people! (I don't know who I'm shouting to exactly. but maybe someone will listen.) It's a malay charity-cum-arts event where four institutions are competing for the top prize for best drama performance. And we're sponsoring seats for orphans and giving some proceeds to mercy relief. So, if you're doing nothing this 8th of august, please come down and watch this instead. bring your friends! Tickets at $10 only for a great show at victoria concert hall. give me a buzz if you wanna come! 97204423

-end promo-

Now with regards to HP: I both fear and anticipate the coming of deathly hallows. It's really ending, ohmygod. I can't take it. I can't say goodbye. Not yet.

I'm a diehard fan. Can't help it.

I love John McClane to bits. Always have. >_< Coolest of the cool. He sits there amongst my rank of cool heroes. My brother agrees baldness has never been this cool. And I shall say it, yes, Die Hard was fantastic old-school entertainment. :))

Also, my HP fanatism is creeping back full force. And I am thrilled. I've sort of forgotten how much I love it. And as I read OotP (in preparation for what seems a promising movie adaptation), I can't help but recall how much I loved DT too, despite whole plagiarism fiasco. Really, man. How sweet old times seem. Yes, she ripped off Buffy and Monty Python countless times, but it doesn't lessen the image of sarcastic DT!Draco in my mind. Ah sigh.

This means I'm old, right? To be nostalgic like this.

On another issue: You know what I wish? That people would quit being hyper-sensitive over everything. Only kids under the age of 12 are allowed to indulge in being petty, because they're still too young to understand the ways of the world. Take advice from me: Found out you got screwed over? Suck a deep breath, quell the pain, and move on. Sooner or later, you're gonna get so good at it, you really, honestly, won't care. You'll just go, "Oh, I got kicked in the back again? I didn't notice." Besides, I think that half the time, people don't realise they're kicking anyone in the back. Give them the benefit of the doubt, I say.

It would save people a lot of grief if they did that: like Heathcliff and Catherine, and Achilles and Hector. Haha.

I've been thinking why I keep blogging when at times I feel like chucking this place to the dumps. Margaret Atwood has an idea.

Why is it we want so badly to memorialize ourselves? Even while we’re still alive. We wish to assert our existence, like dogs peeing on fire hydrants. We put on display our framed photographs, our parchment diplomas, our silver-plated cups; we monogram our linen, we carve our names on trees, we scrawl them on washroom walls. It’s all the same impulse. What do we hope from it? Applause, envy, respect? Or simply, attention, of any kind we can get? At the very least we want a witness. We can’t stand the idea of our voices falling silent finally, like a radio running down. - Margaret Atwood

ohmygod. these songs ah! can sexual innuendos please please please stay away from candy allusions! icecreams and lollipops are meant for little innocent kids.

anyway. I've decided to do that list of 10 random/weird things about myself that I should have done long ago in response to that blog-chain-game thingy.

THINGS ABOUT ME YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW

1. I procrastinate wildly. The most obvious evidence is this list of course, which should have been up 2 months ago.

2. When I was younger, I used to tell my siblings that I had a bullet in one of my fingers. My brother, being only a year younger, simply gave me the 'whatever-stop-your-nonsense' kind of look. But my sister being that much younger and accordingly, stupider, fell for the bait, and insisted on trying to prove that I was lying. Except of course, no one can prove that I don't have a bullet in my finger. And similarly, I cant prove I do. So it became an ongoing exasperating issue. My sister would go, "If you do have a bullet in your finger, use it! Shoot it!" And I gave her that pretentious, condescending, 'you're-so-dumb' attitude and told her, "Why would I waste my one bullet trying to convince you??? Don't believe, don't believe lah! I don't care what you think. I shall only use it in times of emergency. One day, when I save you from a murderer or something, then you'll see!" My sister would be just -___-; pffft. Hehe. I do love being an annoying older sister.

3. Back in 2004, when I was in egypt and fell sick due to my picking up an accursed pebble from the pyramids, I seriously thought I was going to die. And I bargained with God that if he let me live, I'd become a better person and everything and not care about frivolous things. Haha. Look at me now. I wonder if I've improved.

4. I really really like prawns. They have the most delicious meat in the world.

5. I hate milk. I'd most certainly puke all over the floor if you make me drink a glass of white milk. I am not kidding.

6. I believe in signs. Because more often than not, when I ask for them, God does display them to me. Except I have trouble interpreting what they mean. Haha.

7. My palms are very dry. You can see all the lines on my hand clearly; it's like an old woman's. It's always been that way. When I was a baby, my mum brought me to the doctor to enquire about it, but he dismissed her worries. Some people are just weird, he said (or something like that, haha). He also said it was the sign of an intelligent being. muaha! maybe he was trying to make up for the weird comment. Whatever it is, it gave me hope, as a kid.

8. I fantasise about being a superhero, or simply, hero. This accounts for my 'bullet-in-finger' issue (refer to item no. 2).

9. I feel like I'm depressingly incapable of falling in love. Nothing could move me. I have this unaccountable conviction that my time to do that has come and passed.

10. This is embarassing, but I'll say it anyway, I kiss Elsie goodnight. >_< She's too cute.

I'm supposed to pass this on to 5 other people to do... but seeing as how I don't really know who reads this... I'll just invite the birds to do it in my guestbook, if they wish, and anybody who reads this entry today, whoever you are. :) Have fun.

Work is piling back on already! I am furrr-reaking out.

The stanford essay and website are all due very soon. And I haven't started. Omg. Omgness. Freaked out. And my repeating how freaked out I am so does not help, I know.

Not to mention that budget work is jogging my elbow constantly.

I feel extreme jitterness taking over. Shit. Please don't let me transform into the nervous wreck I always turn into in times of crisis. When one problem looms itself nastily in front of me, it brings forth all the other problems lurking in the background and consequently, I am driven mad with fear. I need to get a grip.

Have I said before that I wish there was such a thing as a bravery potion?

okay, must think positive. the sun will shine on those who smile, as they say. Shall get to work tomorrow. HARD WORK. Shall sit down in coffeebean by my lonesome (or perhaps with Eunice, depending on how bored she is), with my books and my notebook and get down to work.

I bought Wuthering Heights the movie and The Godfather today.

I was ready to dub Heathcliff the most irredeemable villainous character to grace the fictional world (worse than Voldemort because I think Tom Riddle would have turned out different with more hugs and blankets), but then... I watched Ralph Fiennes play Heathcliff in the 1992 movie version. And I succumbed! Such a pretty angry man. One can't help but want to sympathise, despite the evils of Heathcliff.

But seriously though. It's not just cause Ralph Fiennes is the finest Heathcliff. Once I finished reading and opted an objective stance, I realised Wuthering Heights is one of those extremely painful stories with no clear villain, though now I feel inclined to heap the blame on Catherine Senior. And everyone's just so pitiful.

I understand why it's a classic. Love can be such poison.

And I will see what the big deal about Godfather is, tomorrow.

From Monty Python:

King Arthur: I am your king!

Woman: Well I didn't vote for you!

King Arthur: You don't vote for kings.

Woman: Well how'd you become king then?

(Angelic music plays...)

King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king!

Dennis: (interrupting) Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!

This hilarious piece cannot be justified with a simple string of HAHAs! >_< ohmygod, so funny. Monty Python is so on the list of videos I am yet to devour.

By the way, Transformers was such fun. I liked it. Okay, it wasn't uber fantastic. There wasn't much by way of deep storyline, but those machines are too cool; two stars aren't enough, ong sor fen! Her reviews in Straits Times are sometimes truly unreliable. I'd give it at least a 3 and a half, if not four. There's such a thrill when you see planes tranforming into robots and then transforming back, all in mid-air! I never thought I'd see the day I gush over trucks and planes. And the bumblebee is to die for. Now I want a chevrolet!

I do do do love well-made action movies. And it's been a secret (or now not so secret) but very ridiculous dream of mine to learn sowrdfighting. Because there is nothing cooler to me. (Any boy that knows swordfighting would have won over half my heart without trying, haha.) This was the reason that I thought I'd join fencing back in RJ, cause it's the closest thing to swordfighting of course. Then I chickened out (AS USUAL!). Not to mention that the fencing suit was waaay ex. And the fact that I was in no way sports-inclined.

oh my god. I rambled and now I can barely remember what I intended to say.

I was saying I love well-made action movies. (It has to be well executed; stupid action movies made for the sake of fighting, like Jet Li's The One, puts me off very badly) The next one to watch is Die Hard 4.0! And I cannot express enough how much I adore John McClane; coolest cop ever. :)

(Bruce Willis over Ashton Kutcher ANY DAY).

I think I've had too much candy today. Unstoppable sugar rush.

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

omg. prince charles?!

I should be too old for this, no? But I find it extremely entertaining.

Shamiah's Amazing Mental Ability ... You can divide by zero (Remember ... with great power comes great responsibility!) 'What is your Amazing Mental Ability?' at QuizGalaxy.com

nobel prize here I come. heee.

I've been reading some stuff about hijab and this one by a Muslim convert is funny!

Hijab takes a variety of forms in different Muslim societies and can be adapted to stylishly match modest though elegant western clothing for ladies. Within the parameters of Islamic modesty, a Muslim women is allowed to dress nicely. For the female western convert, it is not necessary to "go native" or resort to drab, dowdy, lesbian-looking cardigans! I agree with Yahiya Emerick who is on record as saying that Muslim women should wear "fashionable hijab", not "circus tents". Or for that matter be mistaken for the wife of Darth Vader.

Darth Vader! HAHAHA. I hope I don't look like one. But I have a problem with being fashionable, full stop. Sigh, what to do.

And also apparently, I didn't know this before, a convert doesn't really have to change his name, unless it has some 'pagan associations' or the like. Interesting.

To continue just a little about how my daddy can, perhaps unwillingly, I concede, get on my nerves:

(and for all I know, he may read this, so I shall be polite and nice. heh heh.)

He told me to burn some vcds for him. And I said okay. Then the night after, while I was watching videos on the net, he asked, "Have you burnt those cds?" I said, "Not yet." Then he went on a tirade about how I can watch Hindi films and stupid Japanese cartoons but I can't ever do one thing for him. By this time, I was !$%^*&^*&^#!%$*. (Don't insult my tv shows, okay.) I was like, "If you want me to do something, then I'll do it, at my own time!" And ANYWAY, I was watching neither of those things! I was watching deedat, which he would very much approve.

Then, the next day, he asked again, "Have you burnt those cds?" And again I said, "Not yet." Because, really really really, there was no time. Then he went, "But I need it for liqa' tonight!" Then I got really pissed cause he didn't tell me so. "You didn't tell me you needed it by tonight!"

"Yes, I did!"

"No, you didn't!"

-_-

But I managed to burn it by liqa'. So, one ridiculous episode over with.

Then today. I was checking my hotmail inbox. And it turned out that my dad had sent me a one-sentence email: "Burn vcd by liqa'."

@_@

EMAIL?! My dad emailed me? Do we not live in the same house? How am I to know to check my mail for instructions from my dad. Exasperating, no?

This has turned out to be quite amusing.

oh my goodness. why are daddies so irritating!!! They aren't as agonizing as mothers but fathers can be just...!!! Suffocating. And deliberately irritable.

oh man. I promised to be fluffy! ok, shall stop grumbling.

By the way, is it just me or do you also think that some songs that are playing on the radio today are just drop-dead-WRONG? For instance, Avril Lavigne's Girlfriend. The song's all about some girl trying to steal some other girl's boyfriend, and being outrightly mean and bitchy about it. And the music video illustrates this very vividly. (The poor bespectacled girlfriend, I tell you. So poor thing.)

What is this crap! Oh sure, the music's all catchy and bouncy: hey hey you you! But hello! Look at the meaning! You're encouraging girls to be bitches, okay. Stupid, empty-vesseled thirteen year olds listening to 98.7 would all be swayed to bitchiness.

I'm being extreme. OH sure... it's just a song. But I tell you, it always begins with a just. And then eventually it becomes okay.

Also pussycatdoll's Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Same bitch promotion. And oh yes, 50 cent is another story altogether. Lyrics disgusting beyond measure.

I cleaned my drawer today! Yes! Tiny steps to success.

I am rereading old birdieocracy LJ posts and I am laughing so hard! I love reading what we write. There's always something to laugh about. It's making me crave outings! I absolutely insist on meeting up again. BANANA CAKE PLEASE!

(Yes, I know I've been shouting for a banana cake everywhere. It means I really want it, Duckie.)

Met up with Sowmya, Jani and Jean today! We sat in Swensens (no other place on earth for us, apparently) from 1.30 to near 6, just chatting. We were talking about everything we could recall of JC life: Kadir and his "Don't be so happy ah! Minus 20 marks and then you see your grade!", crying over horrid prelim grades, how Jani has gotten prettier, how Jean is still the same, leaving her belongings everywhere. Haha. And how half the world seemed to have a crush on clement. So funny. And the white slip and blue slip and... pink slip? Was there a pink one??? Hahaha. And wondering where and what everyone is doing now.

It's come to the point where I actually think, hey, JC was actually fun. HAH. What a joke. I bet if I were to travel back in time and tell my past self, "Enjoy now. Now is fun!", poor, stressed, 18-year-old me would slap future-me for being a liar.

But okay, I grant there were some good times despite stupid As.

I am going to try something. I shall stop being angsty. I will! I will not be angsty anymore. At least not here. From now on, I shall be completely fluffy!

I realise I don't have a full bird photo on my blog so far. How sad is that. Anyway, this is from last week, when we exchanged souvenirs and feasted on each other's photo albums. And discussion of upcoming major event. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I am appalled! haha.

(The ensuing conversation is appx. 80% accurate.)

Eunice: Am I the only one who cares that this is the last book?
Me and Yujie: *exasperated sighs*
Me: Do you not get that I can't camp over?
Eunice: WWWWWWHHHHHHYYYYY. Borders is open 24 hours. This is our last chance okay, OUR LAST CHANCE.
Me: My mum won't let me lah, okay! It's like staying... on a roadside! It's in public! There's no question about it, I can't.
Eunice: *sulk* You stayed in the US...
Me: US is a country. Borders is not a country.
Eunice: ...
Me: Yu Jie, what time should we be there?
Yu Jie: 6 o'clock?
Eunice: No, 5.30! It'll be too late, okay. The queue will be long and outside the store by then!
Yu Jie: What! Do you know what time we have to wake up to get to Orchard?
Me: What, this is Singapore lah! Not the US. People are not so crazy. The queue won't be that long.
Eunice: Yar, why are people not so crazy here? *wheedle*
Me: All the better for crazy people like us. No, all the better for crazy people like you!

muaha. I think Turk's utter crazy devotion to HP is totally unwaning. I mean, I love HP to pieces too, but the fanatism that consumed me back when I was 13 has slipped a couple of notches. I don't hyperventilate so much anymore. haha.

I am having an I-hate-my-blog day.

Anyway. Today, I confirmed-plus-chopped for myself that the world is a small place and that the malay community of singapore is an extremely small, and extremely tiny, group of people on earth.

Because I went to Lin's aunt's house today (to borrow their fax machine for dreadful marketing work) and the moment the aunt laid eyes on me, she was like, "You're Razak's daughter, right?" I tried not to goggle at her as I assented to her question, because quite honestly, my mind was rattled. I was thinking, "SHIT! My mum has been right all along! I do look like a female version of my dad!" It turned out, however, that she had seen me in RJ's dwidarma near two years back. And she had bumped into my parents on the way out. They were all old poly friends. (I tell you, if us malay kids were to put our parents all in one place, they'd all embrace each other as old schoolmates or stg.)

Cik Siti, Lin's aunt, was all like, "You were the one with the pink polka dot baju, right!" And I, I don't know why exactly, I wanted to sink into my chair and disappear. I just find it so mortifyingly embarassing to be remembered as that air-head with the stupid pink polka-dotted rug. I hated that stupid rug the whole while I was gripping it, by the way.

The more I think about it, the more mortified I am at how much crap I did on that stage back in RJ. My, my.

It's 1 am and a storm is raging outside. It doesn't sound like normal rain or a normal heavy shower. It sounds like big pails of water are being repeatedly thrown against the windows. Strangely enough, I don't feel inclined to fear at all. Although I expect myself to. It's one of those nights for me.

One of those nights when all my usual amusements fail to entertain and I'm restless and listless, nothing can divert me, and all I want is to appease this dissatisfaction I know I shouldn't feel.

I pause here, because I'm wondering if what I let myself ramble will slowly but surely wander into the realms of "private" rather than "public".

But I don't want to have to hide things like I always do. I think part of the reason I hide things so much is because I try to appear as perfect as I can. As untouchable as... or something. I don't know. It's head-pounding to think of these things.

Maybe I try too hard. And the point is perhaps, not to fuss over whether I've achieved all the minutiae of perfection, but rather, that I try. And that's good enough?

It's getting very clear, isn't it, that I'm a crazed perfectionist, and it's making me miserable. Somebody help me. And when one thing falls apart, I just let everything else fall apart too, because what's the point when you can't have everything right as a whole? I'd rather start over, wouldn't you?

Yes, yes, but this is life and reality. Not a game. And I should salvage whatever I have and be grateful. Because who knows, the end product might turn out beautiful anyway? Maybe. Besides. I have been going on and on about how the most amazing things happen out of the blue. Ah yes. I do have some optimism in me. I am not hopeless after all.

Well. That's me being cryptic and in-my-own-world. I needed that.

To more real and concrete things: today, I was buying a milkshake when I was targeted once again. By beggars. For some reason that is yet to be fully elucidated, people in need of money simply and inexplicably find me as their number one choice for sympathy. Perhaps, yes, as others have expressed, I have a certain guillibility about my countenance. But still! I do not wish to be exploited! I'll help when I want to.

Anyway, this old nyonya came up to me as I was paying for my milkshake and asked for two bucks. Asked for it, mind you! Like it was her right to do so. And no, she didn't ask the group of boys queueing up behind me. Or the other uncountable persons wandering around tampines interchange. She had to ask me. And I was sufficiently amazed to hesitate. Then I became annoyed. And I took my change for my milkshake and dumped the coins (must have amounted to 90 cents or so) into her hands and said as kindly as I could, "That enough?" And gave a grim smile. Then I walked off, and actually exclaimed "Why!" to no one in particular. Because it amazes me the number of times I've been approached by these people in need. And sometimes, they annoy me because they don't ask nicely at all! Like they know I can be bullied or something.

And I tell you, that is what pisses me off most of all. Stop bullying me! All of you people! Beggars or not! Just because I'm small and I can't make myself be aggressive enough, doesn't mean I can't clock you one when I'm sufficiently irate.

Quite honestly, it's a tiny bit of a fantasy of mine to box someone really horrible in the face.

Ah crap. This entry has become truly morbid. I blame my repressed angst.

Today was a damn good day. You know, it's true that good things happen when you least expect them to. :) I went out for a pbm meeting in the morning and then unwittingly joined in a small picnic celebration for Lin's birthday. Damn nice. We flew a kite in Marina! And it went super high. But blur me let go of the string, so mine and Hudy's kite was lost. But our other one, successfully flown by birthday girl and Artika, remained in the sky and it was a great accomplishment for us amateurs. Then we had dinner at banquet and kept talking about how much of a good day it was. haha.

Tonight I don't feel like blabbering but simply revelling in this momentary high. :)

Also brought back leftover (unopened can of) tuna, and crackers. muaha. We were too hung up about the kite to eat.

wahahaha! How often does one get to be considered among the ranks of Einstein and Egyptian princesses?

Who were you in a past life? by Kat007
Name:
Birthdate:
Favorite Color:
Country:
You were most probably:	Albert Einstein
If not then you were:	Nefertiti

My eyes are certainly rotting. I've been doing nothing but coop myself up in the house, staring at the computer screen. Talk about an unheatlhy lifestyle. This is unhealthy to the max. Not only am I becoming more of a potato, but my brain is also turning to mush and slowly slipping into a dark, depressing abyss.

I feel so so stupid. I wanted to take up a job at the nus writing centre, offered, and invited, mind you, by usp, but I chewed over it too long and made up a million excuses about being so caught up with my travelling and not having time to study later on, that now, the deadline is way over. And I'm starting to feel the ache of my stupid decision. Or lack thereof.

THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS! Sometimes, I really think I need a whack on the head. Too many regrets! Too many already! When did it all start piling up and start consuming my life?

okay, waaay too dramatic.

anyway, parents are home from kelantan. fruits and more fruits litter our kitchen. and I also finally pre-ordered hp7! uber-duber excited about prospect of queueing up on the 21st! But reading will be interrupted by cousin's engagement which falls on the same day. (Cosmic conspiracy again?) But I shall switch off my phone and not talk to anyone unless I know for certain they know zilch about the plot. Until I'm done with deathly hallows. wahaha. talk about being fanatic. Maybe I should hang a sign around my neck that says something like, "Allergic to Harry Potter spoilers" or "The Consequences of Upsetting This Person Are Dire". Because I don't know yet how I would react if someone, accidentally or not, delivers a spoiler to me. But I do know that I will be angry as many people haven't seen me angry before. nyeeeaha.

I've been waiting for my mum to shout at me all day, and it hasn't happened yet. Not even when I woke up at 11.30. Not even when she can evidently see my basket of unironed laundry. Or the fact that my luggage bag is still not in the cupboard under the stairs. (muaha. I do like being able to write that. sorry, I digress.) Or the fact that I have been at my computer almost the entire day! It's making me fidgety. I'm so used to being nagged. Dare I test the limits? Should I perhaps leave a couple of dirty plates in the sink? hm. Don't think I can. Too chicken.

okay. I need to go have a life offline.

I have been evil and lazy. Ever since coming back from my overseas trips, I've been putting everything off - laundry, emails, videoediting and especially! Asking about pentasbudaya. And then today I met Suliyati at royal plaza's surau, and she was like, "Didn't you know pentas budaya got postponed to 8th August?" And I went like, "WHA!!!" @_@" What has happened!!! And I feel so uber guilty because I disappeared. :s And am very scared now. (I have an incredible number of phobias, just so you know.)

I feel like a great big wreck sometimes. Like beyond-all-help kind of wreck. GAH. STUCK AGAIN. Damn it all. When will it ever stop!

I was thinking about something funny earlier today. How, when I was much smaller, I used to always think, "Oh, such-and-such couldn't possibly ever happen to me!" And then something did happen. And from then on, it has been "Why oh why do such things keep happening to me!" I think it's been leaving me entirely screwed up. I don't know whether truly unwanted and unwonted things have started to happen more to me or whether I've just become enormously less grateful. Probably the latter lah right.

okay. done with emotional regurgitation exercise.

Here's a conversation between a fanfic author and her characters. I thought it was amusing.

Li: You’re turning what was an entertaining story into a boring lecture.

Peacewish: Back off Li, or you won’t come off looking nearly so studly in my next AU fic.

Li: You wouldn’t.

Peacewish: You think so?

Julian: Can I be alive in this one?

Peacewish: Sure, sweetheart. You know you’re my favorite.

Li: I thought I was your favorite!

Peacewish: Actually, Tory’s my favorite.

Julian and Li: WHAT?

Peacewish: What can I say, tall, dark and handsome does it for me.

Tory: In that case, can I not be treated quite so badly in the next story?

Peacewish: Oh, sorry my love, but the true hero is always the one that suffers the most.

aye aye. I totally agree there. Reading about war and power and politics makes me wanna go pick up an Allan Massie book again. He writes great.

I was reading a fic and this line tickled me completely.

“Listen up. You even think about touching my sister, I will put a piece of your hip in your neck!" Says an overprotective brother to his sister's guy friend.

wahahahaha. That is one scary threat, I say.

Back from india. Not that I actually notified here that I went. But point is, I'm back. And I love Kashmir to the max. :) It's the things you least expect to fall in love with that you do fall in love with.

I got my hill of lambs, you hear! I got my hill of lambs! Since as far back as ever, I've wanted to be on a hill of free-roaming lambs, and I got it in Kashmir. And I admit, it's probably the major reason why I love Kashmir so much. Let me accost you with photos of my free-roaming lambs.

This is my crazy face as I discovered my hill of lambs. I was truly ecstatic, I tell you.



LAMB! The smallest one I could find. It was damn cute, okay.









Also, the people are gorgeous. We found gypsy kids with golden-brown-green eyes. Like the eyes of that Afghan girl on the cover of national geographic.

The gypsy kids are right in the middle.



I also think the Taj Mahal is absolutely breathtaking. It really is. All that fuss and complaint about the Taj yellowing and being a disappointment? I don't get it. I think it's the most amazing tomb ever.









okaylah. my verdict is: india is incredible, as they say. An at-least-once-in-a-lifetime visit.

oh, so I looked up the movie and scarlett is playing mary and natalie portman is playing anne boleyn! HUMM! That is so wrong. Fine, they do look the parts, but character-wise! You have no idea how evil Anne is in this story! Tortured, yes, but EVIL. And Eric Bana is King Henry?! NO! I love Bana! I hate Henry! Whaaaa.

:( I hope they stayed fairly faithful to Gregory's plot and not screw the characters up too much. I mean, just cause Eric Bana's all pretty doesn't mean King Henry should turn out nice in any way, you know? The King Henry in my head is greedy-looking with fat cheeks, red-haired and super selfish. How am I supposed to reconcile this when I see Eric Bana play him? HUH? HUH???

anyway. last night, we had liqa' at ami yusof's house. We were sitting eating chocolate cake which was absolute yumminess. But Kaktiyah refused to eat it because of her diet to stay at maximum weight of... I don't know, only, 40 kg? Nyeeah. So we tempted her and she gave in to one bite. Then my mum started warning me against obesity, taking on the side of kaktiyah or stg, and she and kak shida were all like, "You're not allowed to get fat until you're married." And, I remember vividly, they all looked at me, nodding in absolute agreement. And I went all -__-".

Well then, I gave it some thought. Not that this topic hasn't already taken up enough of my brain space as it is. But I chewed on the whole issue again anyway. Yes, it makes sense that a girl has to stay beautiful to snag one of the guys, and that gives some motivation. But I can't help thinking that one should have more motivation if one knew there was someone to be beautiful for! No? Well. Maybe that's me making excuses; being completely single and all. (I do wonder if I'd care more otherwise.) The whole getting-fat-after-marriage thing? That's my mum making her share of excuses. Fact is, of course, beauty should be self-pleasurable.

Aaaaah! I am bullshitting. Oh, what the heck.

I want to put more photos... but you know how troublesome it is to do so in blogger? It's so time-consuming! I have no patience. -_- sigh. I'll put only a couple today.

Did you know that The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory is being made into a movie??? Wheeeee! So exciting. And apparently, it stars Scarlett Johanssen, who I don't really like. I suppose she can be Anne Boleyn, who's a bitchy, cunning character in the story. But I don't think she can be Mary Boleyn (who's all pure, simple and nice). But yay for movie adaptations; they're all the rage now! I can't wait.

two random photos here.
Aren't the little daisies (presuming they are daisies) in the grass damn cute?



At the rose garden in golden gate park.

I shall put a couple of photos. And then after that am gonna go off to golden gate park and the art museums!







WE WALKED THE ENTIRE LENGTH OF THE BRIDGE! Triumphant feeling, yo.

Am now staying with Eunice's brother, Eugene, and his wife Amy, at Jones and Green, San Francisco. It has been super-nice. They have the biggest plasma tv ever! (Okay, not ever. But BIG!) And they bought halal meat and all to accomodate me. So that I don't worry about food at all. And TiVo rocks. And I love the cats! There's Fergus and Charlie. And Charlie loves to sit in the guest room to look out the window. He'd make scratchy noises on our door in the morning, trying to force his way in. And when he manages to squeeze through, he sits contentedly by the window.



And yesterday, we went to alcatraz. It was nice and windy and the prison was cool. But it was a shorter visit than I anticipated and I was expecting the cellhouse to be grander. It was rather small. But it had the whole 'gen pop' and 'ad seg' areas and the yard. Cool. And the wind was so strong! On the way back, we wanted to stop by the original swensens, but it was closed on mondays. -_- I was already imagining banana splits. We shall go today! I hope. hehe. Photos of alcatraz are mostly in eunice's camera so I can't put up any now.

Exploratorium today and walking the golden gate bridge.

SUPERNATURAL SPOILERS. BACK AWAY if you will.

just watched supes season 2 finale on the CW channel! goodness, it rocked! It really rocked. There was barely anything wrong in the episode. Except that I felt Jo was being obviously and carefully excluded. For some reason or other. There wasn't even a mention of her despite the fact that the entire freaking bar, her home, burned right to the ground. Most annoying. And I don't understand why Ash had to be killed of course. I like Ash!!! He was the psycho smart dude from MIT. But overall, the episode was DA BOMB, to go a bit cuckoo here. Hehe. I think people who do not watch supes are missing out, man! So people, do yourself a favour if you're still not clued in.

and oh, I know I haven't done the '10 random things about you' game that Lin has passed on to me. It's a chain thingy, apparently, that has been going around blogs: you post ten random things about yourself, and at the end of it, request five other people to do the same at their own blogs. I somehow haven't got the luxury to sit back and type it all out. So I still haven't done it. And I can't help but take such frivolous things seriously. I need to allocate time for such things. Heh. So. Later then.

My poor brain is in a twist over this incredibly unreasonable research, (imo), we're supposed to do for this US trip. I feel like my brain cells are going around in circles, coming to no conclusion, and all the mental exercise is simply aggravating my confusion. >_<>

Why is it that Singaporeans fear failure so very much? What's with our extreme kiasi-ism? Why do we stick so much with our social norms? We have a very low entrepreneurship rate among the developed countries, our students don't speak up enough in class but simply shut up and listen, and every john, raju and ali in singapore finds security following the "laid-out" professions like doctor, lawyer, engineer, teacher, accountant. Not that any of these professions are bad per se! It's just that we are generally a people that avoid risks. It's hard to find someone who wants to try doing astronomy, say, or start a new business company. Why why why! It is so different here in the US. People are more receptive to making mistakes and doing weird things. In Singapore, people still remember their freaking truly-inconsequential PSLE aggregate to tell themselves they can't get their honours in NUS. Gahness, I tell you. There is no word for our appalling negative attitude of ourselves.

Okay. I'm done with the failure rant. If you have some personal theory to explain Singapore's kiasu/kiasi culture, please post extensively in my guestbook. I would very much appreciate it! And now: random photos of berkeley, san fran and palo alto. Enjoy!

I am so proud of this seagull photo I took while on a cruise at san fran! I think it rocks. (:

Sis and me. Miss her, I do!



Rodin's The Thinker!


We came across a break-dancing group! Awesome, I tell you. :))))

US is so bloody interesting.

Finally! I've decided to sit down and blog. I only have a couple of photos to post but I have a bit more stuff to say.

Currently, am residing at YMCA Berkeley and rooming with Teresa. She's still snuggled under the covers cause it's not 7.30 yet. But I was up for subuh at 5.30 and then couldn't go back to sleep, so decided to heck it and stay up.

So okay. I don't know where to start. :p

Oh excuse the terrible typos from the previous post from Japan! The keyboard was freakily different. There were japanese characters interspersed with the english alphabet and it aggravated my blurness, I suppose.

I guess I'll just jump in with this.

That's the entire group of us at berkeley's clock tower. I think berkeley's much more exciting than stanford. Stanford has a much more academic environment but berkeley's more... I don't know, rugged? It feels real. But the streets do get a tad bit scary at night. Groups of loafers just stand on street corners and stare at passers-by and homeless dudes sitting along alleys. Did I mention I feel like I've shrunk being in the US? Everyone's like twice my size or something. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but damn, they're too tall. humph.

We went to People's Park in berkeley and it's the place where people generally exercise their freedom of speech and behaviour. People were sitting around on the grass and just doing whatever weird thing. And we went to this place near the campus called Oaks Grove (or something like that) where people live in the trees! Seriously. They're all about the living-with-nature thing and very hippie-like, peace-loving and crazily deluded in my opinion. There was this girl who shaved her head monk-style and dressed monkishly as well, who came to talk to us and went in an extremely... floaty manner, asking, "How are you?", and blinking away with innocent and glazed eyes. And Shafiqah was asking if it got cold sleeping outside with the trees at all, and she said, "Oh no, we bring blankets and you know, everyone's warmth staying together makes it all right..." And I think all of us were thinking, "UH......" I'm sorry, miss, I think you dropped your screws into the bushes. And she kept going, "It's all about the love, it's all about the love inside." I was trying not to go too much like this @_@. Wow, I tell you. There are such less-sane people in the world.

Later on we met her again and she offered to spray water from the Ganges River (did I spell that right :s?) on our heads to rid of bad karma. She also had this friend with her who was painting some cardboard and he warned us, "America is evil! It is destroying everything good. George Bush has no soul. Dick Cheney is worse." Wah. I was laughing my ass off ah. Right on, dude! But the monk girl was all, "No... The people inside are good. George Bush has goodness deep inside. We just need to bring it out." (the guy's like, "No. He is evil. Remember guys, America is evil.") Monk girl keeps telling us, "It's all about the love, it's all about the love."

Peace-loving dudes aside, we met very very very very nice people at the international house. There was this guy (extremely tall again -__-) who came up to me at the lunch buffet and asked, "Is there enough variety of food for you? Do you need anything?" I tell you, I was so pleasantly taken aback, I couldn't even give a proper response for a while. Nobody had ever bothered to ask me that before while I've been eating here in this country! And the guy was gorgeous to boot, I tell you. Like a ricky martin lookalike but ten times better and twice as tall, with light aqua blue eyes and a pretty pretty tan.

Later he gave us a tour of the international house and brought us to the hill behind berkeley campus and we hiked up. Waaaaah. When I say hike UP, I mean UUUUUPPPP. I was panting and huffing and grabbing at tree roots and sliding on slopes and stumbling over footholds and grabbing at thorny thistles. But it was gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous at the top and I shall remember that hike for the rest of my life. (:

So here's a photo of us and Jaime at Oaks Grove. And I shall end here.

I have a lot of time on my hands right now; am stuck at Narita Airport and have been wandering around the rather boring airport for HOURS. Finally decided to post a little at the interenet cafe. Us four girls that decided to stay behind; some of them went out to Tokyo despite horrible Ｃｏｎｔｉｎｕｏｕｓ rain and expensive train fare (2000 yen!)

Did I say the keyboard is weird? It has Japanese letters and the underscore and `@` signs are all in different places. So excuse any random typos you might see. But Japan overall seems cool. Despite aforementioned boring airport. I absolutely LOVE the way they talk okay!

Ohio! heheh. So polite!

Okay, I shall stop for now. I ｈａｖｅｎ‘ｔ　ｈａｄ　ａｎｙ　ｓｌｅｅｐ since the last twenty four hours. And my head is swimming. Am finally feeling the effects of sleep deprivation.

Oh, shall briefly mention I found a supernatural fan on this trip! What are the odds. fan on this trip! What are the odds. Are her nuttiness over Jensen is appalling. But it`s fun nonetheless. We have vowed to bunk together and watch the season finale on CW. woohoo.

Also a bit worried about the paper eventually due. :s

I don't know where to begin. The exams are all finally done with and now all the things I wanted to do are rushing at me full speed and I am struck motionless. I don't know what to do first. Need to pack. Need to buy supplies. Need to calculate budget. Want to change blogskin. Want to read book. Want to watch tv. Want to learn arabic. Need to get DV cassettes.

It's giving me a real headache.

But today, I had a good time. I watched spidey 3 and sat at starbucks with eunice and mumu and we chatted for a long, long time, on an endless array of topics. Time just flew. And after it all, I felt happy. Because I've been feeling out of place for quite some time now, and now I think it's because I haven't been with my friends for so long. So I haven't really been very happy. I don't quite know how to describe it. It's like you feel weird around a lot of people but then you realise you have friends who are weird with you and then it doesn't matter anymore. :p heh. or at least I have friends who get me and don't mind me.

That aside, I shall warn people who might be looking for me starting next week, for whatever urgent business or otherwise. I will be in the US from 7th to 27th May. You can sms me but I can't guarantee replies. I've taken part in this programme called Multiculturalism: Singapore and American Perspectives. Basically, what I'll be doing is attend lectures at Stanford and visit certain areas of Palo Alto and talk to some professors and students there. And learn about culture (duh) etc etc. And at the end of it all, produce a paper for USP. Also, I'll be extending the stay there to spend a week with eunice at her brother's place in San Francisco. So whoohoo to that! (I seriously can't wait for that part, more than anything else.)

So I'll be back on the 28th before I go off to India. But that's another story which I'll tell another time. And I have yet to review spidey! Later then.

Shit. I missed my own birthday! Haha. It could have been more eventful, but I'm saving my celebrations till after lsm paper. SO I'll wait till then. But I still got nice nice nice wishes. And am happy. :)

two decades is a long time. bring it on, life. let's see what the next ten years will bring.

I foresee this place coming to a standstill this coming month due to my being away. The exams have already reduced my posts to mere outcries of despair for the state of my grades. I hate that. I know I do it, but I do hate that I do. I'm feeling quite gloomy. (Physics was horrid beyond compare.)

I wonder if the theory holds; that theory that life offers you clues of how it'll all eventually turn out. Like if you're meant to be a superstar, your superstar qualities shine from whence you're born. You know, the way mothers always exclaim, "I always knew she was gonna be a star!" And if you're going to end up with a Nobel prize, then most likely you were a child prodigy and uttered oxyhaemoglobin at the age of three (apparently, JBS Haldane did say that when he was 3). And people can generally tell, it's almost an unexplainable gut feeling, how she will be super-successful, he will make loads of money, she will end up with the family of 2.3 kids and the 5Cs as well, he will work in parliament etc etc.

Actually, I don't know where I'm going with this. I've been hit by the gloomies because I feel like everyone at least knows what they're doing, cept me. And looking back at my life, it makes me feel more clueless than ever. My life gives me no clues. Do what my parents say? Yes, that's what I've been doing. After that, I don't know. Maybe I'll remain a dreamer. Eternal dreamer. I wish somehow that could work in the real world.

blah. I hope I get out of this rut soon and be my rare optimistic self. And it helps that I saw this quote today: "the strong follow the beauty of uncertainty". yes, I like to entertain the notion of my being strong.

Two papers down. And I am seriously terrified of programming and evolution grades now. Please don't let me get Cs. Let me get Bs at least. Pleeeeaaaasse.

It's begun. :S

And I also just found out my flight for US leaves next saturday night! hello. that is too fast! That leaves me three days to pack and buy supplies and go to the money-changer and everything! oh crap. this is going to be hectic.

Programming is slowly but surely sinking into the same league as chemistry; the league of subjects that are out to kill me. Possibly, it could sink lower than even that. Seriously, anyone wanting to drive himself to suicidal behaviour can simply take up a module that begins with CS. Those applied math people I met last sem were right. They warned me about computing. "You're taking computational science?!", they exclaimed. And I was like all shocked and @_@ and why? And they said they were ready to jump out the windows anytime doing computing. And I understand now.

This is just so typical of me. Putting myself in positions that are most detrimental to my mental state. I know I get paranoid easily, and still I do this. Why can't I just let myself do the things I like?

"There's no education superior to travel. Think of The Motorcycle Diaries, or what Montrose St. Millet wrote in Ages of Exploration: 'To be still is to be stupid. To be stupid is to die.'" ~ Special Topics in Calamity Physics

See? Why can't I just travel all my life? That's still learning what.

Thought I'd post a picture of sorts just to make this place more colourful (and improve the in-the-dumps mood I'm having). This is duckie's; hope you don't mind! I really really love the photo. And I think I shall try to find a way to put it up here permanently or stg.

today, while walking home alone and doing some thinking, I finally understood something. which I should have understood long before. but better late than never, I guess. that success isn't about perfection; it's about resilience.

Because I was inordinately upset about a stupid less-than-excellent grade I got. I felt horrible about the fact that I felt horrible, you know? It's just a grade. So now, I am trying to learn to embrace setbacks.

I hate the phrase live life to the fullest. what the hell does it mean? oh sure, it's all easy to say you'll live life to the fullest when you have money, a family, a healthy functional body and you can do what you want. but I've always wondered how you'd tell that to an african boy stuck in a civil war, say. live life to the fullest? what life???

that stupid overused phrase is just so obviously wrong.

I am in one of my angst-y moods.

I was teaching my mum the intricacies of the internet last night. It was funny, to say the least. Talk about generation gap.

I also went to school to meet the other people going for the US trip. And we discussed loads about multicultural stuff and about sensitive racial stuff. I'm glad the topic is about this. It's so relatable.

Everyone was nice enough. I think I'll be okay.

I'm too tired to dish out my thoughts right now. Programming is weighing heavily on my mind.

muaha. I signed a Support Jo Harvelle petition, so they won't throw her out of the show. It might work. I love the way these american fans are so proactive. Yes, it might be passion better channeled elsewhere, but it's still passion nonetheless. Unlike, sadly, in dear old sunny singapore. Where we don't even have a show that's worth saving on tv right now.

I tell you what's wrong. Take the show "After Hours" on channel 5, starring Utt and what's-her-name and the MTV VJ, Max, and Joanne Pei.

1) There are three foreigners out of 4 of the lead roles. Yes, Utt and Max are cute, but are they Singaporean? NO. Who exactly is your target audience? Singaporeans? Then I suggest you cast Singaporeans. When I watch the show, I feel so disconnected. I know of no Singaporean, on campus or otherwise, who speak like those two guys do. (although there is paul in writing class, but otherwise.) There is just something so wrong about the way they behave! It's not Singaporean.

2) Plot. Plot. Plot. Where is the plot, people? Are we going somewhere with this? Haven't we done the love thing over and over? You know what makes good stories? STORYLINES. Seriously, maybe I should sign up as a scriptwriter at mediacorp.

3) Can we throw out the love scenes, please? They are beyond bad. It's okay that we are Asian and we're conservative; it's OKAY. Accept our lifestyle. You don't see couples kissing on the street in Singapore, and it's okay. We can do without them. We can still make good stories. Please don't try to Hollywood-ize yourself. There's nothing as mortally embarassing as pretending to be something you're not and failing miserably at it.

4) Is this honestly how 20-stg Singaporeans behave today? I know nothing, I suppose, because all I do is go for lectures and surf the net. Maybe I should check with my cousin who's working. But I have a feeling Singaporeans don't behave the way the characters do. Bottomline: it feels so fake. I can't really pinpoint the source, but it does make the show feel fake.

Look, what has worked for local tv so far? PCK. Under One Roof. Growing Up. What's the formula? Might be a number of things. But I think most importantly, it's not fake. Singaporeans can identify with the characters. Siiigh.

Right now, the best thing on channel 5 is Adrian Pang. Haha. I have to add that Suria is having the lowest of the low times. When was out last good show? Anak Metropolitan was it??? Or was it Cinta Bollywood (but season 2 sucked tremendously)? So long ago. Our local tv network needs serious help.

math by day, deedat by night.

I am getting hooked onto his debates again! It's at the exam periods that I start doing such things you know. Getting absorbed into the things I find fascinating. I still remember vividly, in the days of A-level mugging, I was sitting at my zen study table, not reading notes, but reading Lee Kuan Yew's memoirs. Of all the times I could pick to read the MM's lifestory, I picked the exam period. And this morning I picked up my Steve Pinker book too. But stopped at the end of the preface because I had to force myself to study. I can't study. My hands are too itchy; they love to pick up such distracting things.