I think writing requires a reflective state of mind; a state of mind you have to settle into, that is hard to lock in, the more your life is a hustle and bustle; the more you think of being productive and end-points and final-products and the KPIs that Singapore so prizes.
I'm here because I was forced to be reflective as part of an assignment for a Literature Review Methods module. Yes, I have embarked on the research study, the end-point of which is hidden from view, behind future hazy years, the likes and patterns of which I cannot fully predict. But overall, it's made me and forced me to think more again; but hey, I've always been a thinker. I just haven't had 'protected time' to think in print. See my corporate / work lingo creeping into everything.
May the horizons for my self ever-grow. It's making me teary, although in the next moment, in the next window-tab, I have to complete some online compulsory module about AI Literacy. But I am confronted now with a reality of a future that I have stepped towards, with a knapsack on my back. The consistent uncertainty and unventured space and terrain that have marked the kind of life I feel I've lived. I have always had a tendency for the dramatic, but what is life truly lived if not intensity and drama, and here I embrace once again, at this ripe age of adulthood, who I am. Who I have perhaps always meant to be, but sometimes resisted in the face of normal, rightness, smallness, or womanliness.
I shall embrace the boundaries of my self and soul, and push myself ever more, without looking back. It is exhausting, and I now have no more energy to spare to being anything but my own excellent self, insyallah.
This little life of mine, I shall make it shine...
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