it's now a yearly thing?

So yes, it's been a year; and I shan't over-analyse for now.

I recently finished a little memoir by a little old lady in Japan called "Happy On Her Own At 102" by Tetsuyo Ichii. (I recently learnt she's still living, now aged 106!) It's so lovely and heartwarming, and makes me think about how the simple things are what make happiness. The waking up every day and doing the necessary hard work of life, the meeting and caring for the people we love, and going to sleep with a grateful heart. She writes these simple descriptive diary entries in her 102nd year of life -- and I guess it inspired me to just come back and write again. It doesn't have to be amazing every day; but you just have to turn up and report. (Here is me reporting for 2026.)

"Today is Setsubun. In this festival, you throw as many beans as years you've lived, but look how many I've got! Both my hands are full. It reminds me that I've hit the milestone of one hundred. When I think of each year of my life as a little bean, those years seem so lovable."

"I think it was after I turned eighty that I started to let go of the things that were only taking up unnecessary space in my brain by me worrying about them. Yes, I started to give up a lot faster than I used to, but that's not a bad thing. If someone spoke badly of me, I would simply feel a bit sorry for them. If someone only ever boasted and bragged, then I would simply let them be. I decided to put a lid on that ever-jealous part of my heart and instead put that energy into complimenting people. They are them and I am me. It is no surprise that there are differences. I decided that living a happy life would be satisfaction enough."

In other fangirling news, I was reading fics (can you believe it! I stumbled upon some decent ones) of the insanely-popular cdrama, The Pursuit of Jade, and I pondered upon something. 

[SPOILER ALERT!]

I really get it why Chang Yu was so insanely mad to find out that Yan Zheng was the Marquis. It was more than that he had been lying the whole time; she said later on as well that she understood why he lied. It was that the future she had painted with this man was gone, even if the man was still there, and was offering apologies, his true self, and supposedly something more. 

I had a moment of epiphany about it. She was so happy to have Yan Zheng in Lin'an with her, and she had figured out about how things would work -- like okay, he could write his calligraphy stuff for money sometimes, and she would sell pigs for the daily, and she had started up Yixiang restaurant as well. Life was getting better for her and it was good. She had learnt to love this man and accept him, and would go to the ends of the earth to keep him safe, and then he pulls the rug under her and tells her, WHAT: I am so-and-so important person and have to lead this battle, I'm so sorry, I live in court and you would be the marchioness, will you love me just the same. I too would be so irrationally angry in the moment and throw the proposal back in his (gorgeous) face, haha.

I was reflecting how much if you're a planner of things, like you're always already anticipating how things should be and thought through things five steps ahead, throwing such a curveball just... messes up the plan and makes you want to scream. And here I always took myself as a drifter, go-with-the-flow sort of person; but as E used to say rightly enough for the both of us, we are more optimistic, and strangely enough in some ways, more practical, than we think. I have insane ideals that's survived to my maturity, but at the same time, I force myself before it can hit me in the face fully, to confront my practical realities. (In fact, I could say, that most of my internal agonies is from simulating scenarios wherein ideals and realities come to a head.) I do know what my general next steps in life would be.

My point being, yes, I would be irrational and get angry (at least for a time) even if someone gave me an alternate better pathway that I would actually like. It is ego at some level, and I say, give it some time. It's like, my brain put so much work into this! Give it some time as I learn to let go and embrace a new path. Just like Chang Yu who obviously warmed up to the idea of Xie Zheng, and became a general herself, on top of everything. Just a reminder for myself... to hold the rein of life loosely. I don't write the story, I live it. As they say, the plot twists God gives you may be better than the dreams you imagine.

Anyway, here's the OTP that has captured the hearts of women the world over; I haven't had an OTP I rooted for this much in so long. Chemistry is off the walls.