chatting with eunice on msn about legend of the seeker. I don't want it to be cancelled. How many of my OTPs will remain unfulfilled like this. :(
turk: My brother just lent us the DVD -- he liked it but is disappointed that the series has been cancelled?
me: IT HAS BEEN CANCELLED?! OFFICIALLY?!?!?!?! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *slump*
turk: I dunno... After the 2nd season or something I DON'T KNOW THIS IS SECONDHAND INFO I DIDN'T LOOK IT UP MYSELF... It's either it's been really cancelled or they're trying to find another network to pick it up or something... No idea.
me: my sis did say there was talk that season 3 wont happen... but... I thought there was still hope. god, loving American tv shows is like having bad love affairs. :( you never know when they leave you.
turk: O-kay, mad person...
me: HAHAHAHAHA, BUT REALLY!!!!
turk: Yes, yes
me: It's like, I'm tired hello!
turk: I'm still upset over Firefly
me: I loved VM! and look what happened.
turk: Yes, VM too
me: I actually followed Tru Calling and look what happened. And I live in fear for Supernatural.
turk: And now Chuck S3 ratings have been dropping steadily since the season premiere and it's on the bubble too... Sigh.
me: But at least, now, it has been long enough, that I feel safe that they won't just end it horribly. SIGH
turk: HAHAHAHA. That's very important. As long as it's not a sudden cancellation and things get tied up, yes?
me: yes! I mean, I just want a resolution! do these people not understand how it is like to emotionally involve oneself in a story?!
turk: Apparently not.
me: it's like, Voldemort not dead or Lymond forever stuck in Russia. I mean, seriously.
turk: They just want MONEY FROM ADVERTISERS
me: evil capitalists.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess. ~ Oscar Wilde
I am inclined to agree with this, because I have played the Word Search game on my iPod relentlessly on train journeys to and from school, and have now attained a mind-boggling score of 8 words in 24 seconds. :P I get obsessed and competitive sometimes, hehe. It reminds me of my childhood days; when computers were starting to appear in civilian homes like ours, and Windows Version 3.1 had desktop games like Jewel Thief. Muaha, I played that game almost non-stop the moment I finished my homework (completed as fast as possible, without getting out of my school uniform) and reached like Level 20, I think, which no one else ever could reach. I also played Mario a lot; I remember those things vividly. People often had the misconception that I went home to mug or stg (even in primary school, people thought I loved to study; seriously, whut.), but oh, they don't know me. I think I did play a great deal, and how little some kids play these days, in this stressful world, is a sad thing.
Supposed to submit an application for the tech transfer traineeship thing soon... :s but I'm not so sure about it anymore. It doesn't feel very right. I think I seriously considered this because I wanted to have another option besides research and they accepted fresh grads. And okay, it seemed to me initially that I'd fit in since it was about information transfer and communication, and I have a belief that my strength lies somewhere there. But I don't know now! The word 'commercialisation' or 'corporation' always puts me off... bah. I should just submit it and if it happens, it happens. I have decided to let fate decide, because I never really know what's good for me anyway.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
I've been a lot stressed these days, thinking about what I'm supposed to get done before school ends forever (haha) and like seriously, MATLAB problems and how I'm going to accomplish 10, 000 words in a few days. But oh well. What's new, eh. I felt slightly guilty about not turning up for APEX twice consecutively but really, bloody MATLAB made it necessary for me to spend a saturday cooped up in the computer centre. I think I was making a lot of frustrated noises and scolding "seriously!" to the computer every half an hour or so, heheh. I hope I didn't sound too crazy to the grad students who regularly come on weekends to work. (Their scholarly lives boggle my mind.) o.o
Despite my crazy workload, I do have times in the night (or rather, I make the time, die die) for entertainment, and lately it has been The Legend of the Seeker, which I started watching on tv and have now continued via youtube. Yes, it is cheesy, mostly, but I love prophecy stories and heroes with swords. And a pretty pairing to boot. It is, you could say, a sappy romance guised as the typical fight of good against evil, but I think I have missed simple stories like this. The good people win, you know. And we all root for love. (Not the really scary promiscuity we see in a lot of shows today. -.-) Also, Richard Cypher is preeetay; those large puppy eyes... and gorgeous Kahlan; how is she so fair!
This line from a fan-post (a tak senonoh post, actually) cracked me up:
Despite my crazy workload, I do have times in the night (or rather, I make the time, die die) for entertainment, and lately it has been The Legend of the Seeker, which I started watching on tv and have now continued via youtube. Yes, it is cheesy, mostly, but I love prophecy stories and heroes with swords. And a pretty pairing to boot. It is, you could say, a sappy romance guised as the typical fight of good against evil, but I think I have missed simple stories like this. The good people win, you know. And we all root for love. (Not the really scary promiscuity we see in a lot of shows today. -.-) Also, Richard Cypher is preeetay; those large puppy eyes... and gorgeous Kahlan; how is she so fair!
This line from a fan-post (a tak senonoh post, actually) cracked me up:
2.5 million screaming fangirls shatter the sound barrier
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Trying not to freak out. Received email about submission dates for FYP; and my examiners are okay - because they're Prof Chen YZ and Prof Low BC. Both nice and not threatening. But one still wishes to impress. And MATLAB is being evil for reasons I cannot fathom. Less than a week left and it's being cranky and won't let me run my model without screwing up. WHHHY. And hence I have still yet to substantially validate my pathway model! The only thing I could verify is the fact that more RhoGDP means more RhoGTP, which is seriously DUH. The major parts I need to validate are still not validated, because MATLAB, you are making things difficult!
MOU. STRESS. Please MATLAB, please work. And please let my model make sense, thanks.
I feel like running away from the rest of my modules now, but UGH. CAN'T. This is what I get for being too blardy ambitious when I know I love being a drifter, and for loving too many things at once.
MOU. STRESS. Please MATLAB, please work. And please let my model make sense, thanks.
I feel like running away from the rest of my modules now, but UGH. CAN'T. This is what I get for being too blardy ambitious when I know I love being a drifter, and for loving too many things at once.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Haha, I totally always wanna do THIS.
from Stickgirl
If there's one thing I need to learn, it's to stay focused. I got distracted, again. Although I woke up this morning deciding to work on all my Structural Bio assignments and get them done, so I can leave all the time later for my FYP report, I ended up going to the blog Mel linked to (whose author graduated from Cambridge, hails from a self-declared aristocratic Singaporean family - should such a thing exist - and is atrociously arrogant; I enjoy reading this like I enjoy watching the Kardashians on tv, hehe). And in consequence, I became acquainted with the whole Dawn Yang fiasco a couple or so years back. And all other related local celebrity scandals and gossip. It reminded me of all the MsScribe and Cassandra Claire scandals that happened within HP fandom. It was just... fascinating. Humans are weird and basically stupid, a lot of the time. And if you don't remind yourselves now and again that, hey, you're going to die and what are you doing with your life, you get stuck in this loop of materialism and self-love. @.@ It's just scary, please.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
If you can quote Yeats or Shakespeare, and then quote Ibn-Taimiyah or Imam Nawawi, then ohmygod, you have me. I used to say, any guy who knows sword-fighting would have won over half my heart (and there is still a validity to this, because swords are just oh-so-cool); but I have this new, more all-encompassing criterion, and just -- I will fall for this, no questions asked.
Come let us mock at the great
That had such burdens on the mind
And toiled so hard and late
To leave some monument behind,
Nor thought of the levelling wind.
Come let us mock at the wise;
With all those calendars whereon
They fixed old aching eyes,
They never saw how seasons run,
And now but gape at the sun.
Come let us mock at the good
That fancied goodness might be gay,
And sick of solitude
Might proclaim a holiday:
Wind shrieked - and where are they?
Mock mockers after that
That would not lift a hand maybe
To help good, wise or great
To bar that foul storm out, for we
Traffic in mockery.
~ W.B. Yeats
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no; it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests, and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error, and upon me prov'd,
I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd.
~ William Shakespeare Sonnet 116
ShaykhHamzaIgnoranceAndExtremism from ilmisfree on Vimeo.
Come let us mock at the great
That had such burdens on the mind
And toiled so hard and late
To leave some monument behind,
Nor thought of the levelling wind.
Come let us mock at the wise;
With all those calendars whereon
They fixed old aching eyes,
They never saw how seasons run,
And now but gape at the sun.
Come let us mock at the good
That fancied goodness might be gay,
And sick of solitude
Might proclaim a holiday:
Wind shrieked - and where are they?
Mock mockers after that
That would not lift a hand maybe
To help good, wise or great
To bar that foul storm out, for we
Traffic in mockery.
~ W.B. Yeats
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no; it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests, and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error, and upon me prov'd,
I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd.
~ William Shakespeare Sonnet 116
Friday, March 19, 2010
There is apparently a narration that relates: God endowed wisdom onto humanity in three forms: the brains of the Greeks, the hands of the Chinese, and the tongues of the Arabs.
If so, then no wonder the amazing intellects like Aristotle and Plato and Archimedes. And Socrates. I always wondered if some of these people were divinely inspired or something, because they seem so inhumanely wise and clever, heh.
Also, you are what you eat, they say. Nabi s.a.w. said the same thing; he mentioned that the people who ate camels tended to be more arrogant. That's why we should eat lambs; the meekness and gentleness of lambs are good qualities to acquire? And Islam prohibits the eating of carnivorous animals; you don't want that reckless aggressiveness, apparently. And bah -- what are we eating these days? Chemicals and artificial stuff in our food; only enhancing our fake and plastic natures in this increasingly superficial world? :P
The Qura'an is ahsanul kasas; the best of narrations:
If so, then no wonder the amazing intellects like Aristotle and Plato and Archimedes. And Socrates. I always wondered if some of these people were divinely inspired or something, because they seem so inhumanely wise and clever, heh.
Also, you are what you eat, they say. Nabi s.a.w. said the same thing; he mentioned that the people who ate camels tended to be more arrogant. That's why we should eat lambs; the meekness and gentleness of lambs are good qualities to acquire? And Islam prohibits the eating of carnivorous animals; you don't want that reckless aggressiveness, apparently. And bah -- what are we eating these days? Chemicals and artificial stuff in our food; only enhancing our fake and plastic natures in this increasingly superficial world? :P
The Qura'an is ahsanul kasas; the best of narrations:
Sakura Girl PV is out! But I am mostly disappointed -- because why is it so boring and sad?! I know this song is supposed to be about a lost love, but it's still kinda bouncy and it's not all sad. But all NEWS is doing is being all emo and walking down the street. -.- I'd rather they do the gay dance move like they did on Music Station.
I much prefer Arashi's Troublemaker! :P The song's fun and bouncy and the music video is fun too. Also love the colourful suits. And spot Nino being mean, hehe. And an English spelling error in the beginning.
I much prefer Arashi's Troublemaker! :P The song's fun and bouncy and the music video is fun too. Also love the colourful suits. And spot Nino being mean, hehe. And an English spelling error in the beginning.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Watched a short mini-drama about graduation and pursuing dreams called Sotsugyou Shashin. I downloaded it by impulse from newshfan; it starred Massu and Nagasawa Masami. And surprisingly, despite it being Masami (haha, I don't know what I have against her, seriously), I thought the message of the show was sweet and meaningful, and she acted well. Massu, on the other hand, can't act... for nuts, poor thing. But it's okay - he's still the adorable gyoza-lover from NEWS.
Anyway, the story basically conveys the idea of taking the long route to one's success or dreams, and that it's okay to do so. The long route makes you kind and strong, I quote them. Getting what you want immediately hardly makes you grateful for it anyway, right? You only learn the value of something after having slogged and waited for it. What is it that Miley Cyrus sings -- It's all about the climb...
I've imagined meeting my past self, and although sometimes, I think I'd tell my past self to do certain things or not do certain things, I think, overall, I'd just smile at my old self and say it's going to be okay one day, I promise. Not that things are perfect now; but just - I feel like I've finally planted one foot into the ground. And even if I get tossed about or jostled violently in this crazy (and probably very evil) world, I won't get lost. In some ways, I think I like my old self better; more hopeful and consequently more delusional maybe, haha. More blur, also more trusting. I think I second-guess people a lot more now. Whereas in the past, you can probably con me easy-peasy; now, I think I'm at least a little wiser. Haha, I hope.
I've imagined meeting my past self, and although sometimes, I think I'd tell my past self to do certain things or not do certain things, I think, overall, I'd just smile at my old self and say it's going to be okay one day, I promise. Not that things are perfect now; but just - I feel like I've finally planted one foot into the ground. And even if I get tossed about or jostled violently in this crazy (and probably very evil) world, I won't get lost. In some ways, I think I like my old self better; more hopeful and consequently more delusional maybe, haha. More blur, also more trusting. I think I second-guess people a lot more now. Whereas in the past, you can probably con me easy-peasy; now, I think I'm at least a little wiser. Haha, I hope.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Had a toilet fiasco tonight. One of the taps broke, and water came gushing out like a jet stream, and granny, sis and me couldn't shut the main valve. I have no arm power at all, apparently. Neither did my sis. And we went around the house hunting for my dad's toolbox, thinking a plier would help, maybe. While my granny refused to get out of the toilet and tried to rectify the situation herself; she is stubborn lah. We kept telling her to get out of the bathroom (because seriously, what if she falls?!), but she refused, became really distraught and almost started crying, haha, cause she felt guilty. That's my granny for you -.-. I kept telling her it's okay; it's not like we haven't broken things in the house before, and it's not like my dad will punish her when he comes home.
In fact, because the fiasco was growing into something rather uncontrollable and I was getting stressed because my granny was stressed, I called up my dad (who was out with my mum and my uncle and friends), and he went, Why can't you turn the valve??? And I said, It's too hard okay! It's stuck or something! And he was all, like, Can you chill? Okay, I'll deal with it later. Who knows you might break it if you use the plier. But then my sister was all stressed too and added, Do you really want to waste that much water? When are you coming back!
So 10 minutes later, my dad turned up with Ami Ali and friends. I was like, HAH! Everyone's here??? And Cik Sam, Ami Ali and my mum marched into the toilet, and my mum went like, What is so difficult??? and she promptly turned the valve clockwise with her bare hands, and the water stopped.
XD
Absolute FAIL. Everybody kind of went, Haiyoh.... and me and sis fell over each other, laughing at how much fail we were. Admittedly, I didn't really turn it clockwise much, because it seemed blocked in that direction by a tiny screw. But I did try it! It was really hard. My mum is apparently hiding some super-power muscle in her arm. Or something, haha. My dad was like this -_______-. And we were on the way to Swensens, thanks.
In fact, because the fiasco was growing into something rather uncontrollable and I was getting stressed because my granny was stressed, I called up my dad (who was out with my mum and my uncle and friends), and he went, Why can't you turn the valve??? And I said, It's too hard okay! It's stuck or something! And he was all, like, Can you chill? Okay, I'll deal with it later. Who knows you might break it if you use the plier. But then my sister was all stressed too and added, Do you really want to waste that much water? When are you coming back!
So 10 minutes later, my dad turned up with Ami Ali and friends. I was like, HAH! Everyone's here??? And Cik Sam, Ami Ali and my mum marched into the toilet, and my mum went like, What is so difficult??? and she promptly turned the valve clockwise with her bare hands, and the water stopped.
XD
Absolute FAIL. Everybody kind of went, Haiyoh.... and me and sis fell over each other, laughing at how much fail we were. Admittedly, I didn't really turn it clockwise much, because it seemed blocked in that direction by a tiny screw. But I did try it! It was really hard. My mum is apparently hiding some super-power muscle in her arm. Or something, haha. My dad was like this -_______-. And we were on the way to Swensens, thanks.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Been trying to make myself write one of the compulsory essays for Virtue and Leadership class, and came across this from the Analects:
Tseng Tzu said, "A Gentleman must be strong and resolute, for his burden is heavy and the road is long. He takes benevolence as his burden. Is that not heavy? Only with death does the road come to an end. Is that not long?"
~ Book 8:7
Being good is difficult, ne.
Tseng Tzu said, "A Gentleman must be strong and resolute, for his burden is heavy and the road is long. He takes benevolence as his burden. Is that not heavy? Only with death does the road come to an end. Is that not long?"
~ Book 8:7
Being good is difficult, ne.
People are asleep. And then when they die, they finally become aware. So die before you die. Consider yourselves already in the graves.
---
Because I have missed them! I think I could easily learn to like their new single, Sakura Girl. It's kinda catchy. My sister kept tsk-ing at the gay dance move, haha -- the one with one hand up in the air; I believe that was a move from Cherish. But hello, at that time, they were at most 19 or 20, so it's forgivable. But now?! Pi is turning 25 soon, for God's sake. Speaking of which, why is it that I feel Pi looks so sad or stressed or both these days? So skinny some more. Somebody feed this boy!
And this one's an older clip with Pi and Jin; at least Pi looks happier here. It's funny how Pi seems to be giving Jin looks that say stop-being-an-annoying-idiot.
---
I've always liked this song, One Republic's Stop and Stare:
This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shaking off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see
They're trying to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
Something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need
What you need, what you need...
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see...
---
Because I have missed them! I think I could easily learn to like their new single, Sakura Girl. It's kinda catchy. My sister kept tsk-ing at the gay dance move, haha -- the one with one hand up in the air; I believe that was a move from Cherish. But hello, at that time, they were at most 19 or 20, so it's forgivable. But now?! Pi is turning 25 soon, for God's sake. Speaking of which, why is it that I feel Pi looks so sad or stressed or both these days? So skinny some more. Somebody feed this boy!
And this one's an older clip with Pi and Jin; at least Pi looks happier here. It's funny how Pi seems to be giving Jin looks that say stop-being-an-annoying-idiot.
---
I've always liked this song, One Republic's Stop and Stare:
This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shaking off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see
They're trying to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
Something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need
What you need, what you need...
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see...
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Because I am Miss-Forever-Distracted, I am not doing my FYP whose deadline is looming ever closer, but quoting Confucius instead:
The Master said, "Yu, have you heard about the six qualities and the six attendant faults?"
"No."
"Be seated and I shall tell you. To love benevolence without loving learning is liable to lead to foolishness. To love cleverness without loving learning is liable to lead to deviation from the right path. To love trustworthiness in word without loving learning is liable to lead to harmful behaviour. To love forthrightness without loving learning is liable to lead to intolerance. To love courage without loving learning is liable to lead to insurbodination. To love unbending strength without loving learning is liable to lead to indiscipline."
In Virtue and Leadership class today, someone said to me, "It's hard not to be critical about this dude (i.e. Confucius); I can't agree with him, mostly." And I agreed, "Yes! I think he was a very confused and dissatisfied man."
This does not mean he wasn't a great and admirable persona, I still think he was and is. But he didn't have a lot of answers, and was clearly unhappy about a great many things. He was a great thinker, but he had no answers, and very little practical resolution to the world's problems. And I don't know, if people have founded a religion or a way of life on his teachings, I don't think it makes a great foundation. He was an idealist searching for truth but didn't find it. He kept saying he wished he could meet a sage, but knew he would likely never meet one. And one of my biggest contentions about The Analects is that women is mentioned in passing only twice, one of which equates women to lowly-minded people. -___-
But the above quote: I like it because if there's one thing I feel Confucius got right, it's the fact that learning is one of the most fundamental values and aims in life. That is why the first word of the Quran to be revealed was also "Iqra'." Which means, READ. Curing ignorance is the first step to betterment.
The Master said, "Yu, have you heard about the six qualities and the six attendant faults?"
"No."
"Be seated and I shall tell you. To love benevolence without loving learning is liable to lead to foolishness. To love cleverness without loving learning is liable to lead to deviation from the right path. To love trustworthiness in word without loving learning is liable to lead to harmful behaviour. To love forthrightness without loving learning is liable to lead to intolerance. To love courage without loving learning is liable to lead to insurbodination. To love unbending strength without loving learning is liable to lead to indiscipline."
In Virtue and Leadership class today, someone said to me, "It's hard not to be critical about this dude (i.e. Confucius); I can't agree with him, mostly." And I agreed, "Yes! I think he was a very confused and dissatisfied man."
This does not mean he wasn't a great and admirable persona, I still think he was and is. But he didn't have a lot of answers, and was clearly unhappy about a great many things. He was a great thinker, but he had no answers, and very little practical resolution to the world's problems. And I don't know, if people have founded a religion or a way of life on his teachings, I don't think it makes a great foundation. He was an idealist searching for truth but didn't find it. He kept saying he wished he could meet a sage, but knew he would likely never meet one. And one of my biggest contentions about The Analects is that women is mentioned in passing only twice, one of which equates women to lowly-minded people. -___-
But the above quote: I like it because if there's one thing I feel Confucius got right, it's the fact that learning is one of the most fundamental values and aims in life. That is why the first word of the Quran to be revealed was also "Iqra'." Which means, READ. Curing ignorance is the first step to betterment.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
I went hunting for this because I suddenly started thinking about it:
"But," said Philippa, "even if you accept bastardy, you are left to wonder why Sybilla didn't confess to you, since you have always been so very close. And from that, to surmise that the facts of your birth must be such that Sybilla knew they would destroy even your love for her. And that is why, at first, you wouldn't make any inquiries or allow them. But now..."
"Wise Philippa," said Lymond again. Standing very still, with his back to the window he offered no resistance to what she was saying, but simply remained, his eyes dwelling on her as she sat bolt upright in the firelight, her wet, combed hair glowing chestnut where it fell forward over the darkened brocade of her gown. He said, "Tell me, then, why I come now to Gardington?"
She drew a long breath and released it again, her eyes open and honest on his. "Because as you say, absence has hardened you. There are things you can face now which you couldn't face in Stamboul. And because, I think, at last, the bond with Sybilla is being shared with another. Before, all your mind and all your emotions were contained in your feeling for her. Now it is different. Now you have Guzel's love also."
Philippa was of course right about all of that, except the Guzel part. I can't quite explain why or how this seems to resonate in my life right now; but I find myself appreciating this on a whole new level. Courage comes from faith in something or someone in whom one can faultlessly depend on, I think. A belief that if everything else should disappoint, this one thing won't.
"But," said Philippa, "even if you accept bastardy, you are left to wonder why Sybilla didn't confess to you, since you have always been so very close. And from that, to surmise that the facts of your birth must be such that Sybilla knew they would destroy even your love for her. And that is why, at first, you wouldn't make any inquiries or allow them. But now..."
"Wise Philippa," said Lymond again. Standing very still, with his back to the window he offered no resistance to what she was saying, but simply remained, his eyes dwelling on her as she sat bolt upright in the firelight, her wet, combed hair glowing chestnut where it fell forward over the darkened brocade of her gown. He said, "Tell me, then, why I come now to Gardington?"
She drew a long breath and released it again, her eyes open and honest on his. "Because as you say, absence has hardened you. There are things you can face now which you couldn't face in Stamboul. And because, I think, at last, the bond with Sybilla is being shared with another. Before, all your mind and all your emotions were contained in your feeling for her. Now it is different. Now you have Guzel's love also."
Philippa was of course right about all of that, except the Guzel part. I can't quite explain why or how this seems to resonate in my life right now; but I find myself appreciating this on a whole new level. Courage comes from faith in something or someone in whom one can faultlessly depend on, I think. A belief that if everything else should disappoint, this one thing won't.
Sunday, March 07, 2010
I don't know why I was so emo earlier today. I wish sometimes I could do away with emo moments. But they're there. Eheh, what to do; I suppose it comes with being human. Went for liqa', had a good time although the poor NUSMS peeps who were coincidentally using the same room had to vacate for our sake.
Also, Turk and I settled the first thing for our grad trip -- the tour to Orkney and the Outer Hebrides in Scotland. yayyy. I can't believe it's happening. I don't think it has sunk in properly yet. But I suppose I will be ecstatic when most of my work gets done in April, and I'll be super duper excited. :DDD
My favourite thing from liqa' tonight (and it's hard to choose a favourite cause I liked a lot of the stories shared): Nabi s.a.w. says that if a Muslim wakes up in the morning and all of his thoughts are of dunia (i.e. this world and of worldly pursuits), then the dunia will move further away from him. But if he wakes up in the morning and his thoughts are of akhirah (i.e. the hereafter), then the dunia will come to him without his asking, and he would care less for it.
Also, Turk and I settled the first thing for our grad trip -- the tour to Orkney and the Outer Hebrides in Scotland. yayyy. I can't believe it's happening. I don't think it has sunk in properly yet. But I suppose I will be ecstatic when most of my work gets done in April, and I'll be super duper excited. :DDD
My favourite thing from liqa' tonight (and it's hard to choose a favourite cause I liked a lot of the stories shared): Nabi s.a.w. says that if a Muslim wakes up in the morning and all of his thoughts are of dunia (i.e. this world and of worldly pursuits), then the dunia will move further away from him. But if he wakes up in the morning and his thoughts are of akhirah (i.e. the hereafter), then the dunia will come to him without his asking, and he would care less for it.
Saturday, March 06, 2010
My sister and parents came back from Egypt and started telling stories and stuff. I have these feelings of frustration that lead me to imagine my doing drastic things to myself -- I feel like tearing up pieces of cloth, for instance. What I mean is (sorry for being incomprehensible) is that I want to be at Muktamar so bad and to feel that peace so bad. This world we normally live in every day - it's such a mess, sometimes. And all I want to do is do what truly matters.
