I really should try not to blog when I'm depressed or angry. Cause then I start ranting and raving. Not good.
Anyway, borrowed a book from the library on Saturday. A non-fiction one about how people's eyes can say lots of things. A book on eye language, you could say. Finished it! (After Lymond, almost every other book seems far simpler to complete.) Very intriguing.
Apparently... violet eyes do exist! I always thought they were a work of fiction. I've yet to see a real live person with violet eyes. Interestingly, it says that blue eyes are a sign of intelligence. This piece of info is backed up well by Lymond... but not by dumb blue-eyed blondes. Haha. Most of the stuff are hard to believe...
But there are certain parts which are very interesting and plausible! Did you know that your pupils dilate when you see something pleasant, appealing or exciting, and contract when you see something distasteful or unappealing? Hence, the phrases "eyes growing large with love" and "her eyes were pinpoints of hatred". When a person's pupils dilated with affection, the image of the person filling each pupil became, figuratively, the apple of his eye. And apparently, our eyes also dilate when we see other people's eyes dilated. Haha. That's why romantic scenes are always those with dim lights... so that the pupils of the eyes will be dilated... (Of course, we don't actually know this. We just think that dim lighting is romantic.) And when a man sees a woman with dilated eyes, he senses that the woman finds him appealing, and he becomes sexually simulated. Hahaha. How science makes everything unromantic. In other words, pupil dilation is a sign of sexual simulation.
And you know why a drug distilled from the nightshade plant is called 'belladonna'? Belladonna means beautiful lady. What the drug does is make the pupils dilate and thus make the ladies (namely prostitutes, in the past) look more appealing. So, the drug became known as the belladonna, because it made women seem more beautiful. It's all in the eyes.
Oh, and, the book also touches on how we normally look away so as to hide what we really think. Unless, you're a really, really, good actor and can tell straight lies without blinking. And how we normally dont like talking to people wearing shades because we can't see what they think. Interesting eh? We normally never acknowledge the fact that we can see what people think through their eyes. But it's true, isn't it? The eyes are most definitely windows to the soul. And you can normally tell when your close friends or family isn't feeling too good just by looking at their eyes.
This reminds me of Lymond. Oh darn. Why does everything seem to link back to Lymond... But there is one part of the series where this eye language thing is most prominent... Ah. Sigh.
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Why are the forums gone??? Gasp. Nooooooo. Precious discussion threads!
There are always days when everything seems to go wrong. I feel like there's nothing to look forward to. And it gets harder and harder to laugh. And nothing good happens. Depression just sinks in, you know.
The future really seems bleak to me right now. And when I flipped through the straits times today (a rare event), I got even more depressed. The world is so superficial. You know how the papers have a new look now, and they dedicate a thick section to fashion. I just got so disgusted at certain things. About how one lady seems to think that spending thousands on botox and cosmetic surgery in general and staying young is better than going on vacations and travelling the world. When I would, without much hesitation, choose the latter. I simply think it absolutely stupid to forgo travelling the world to look pretty... for who? Her husband, who she claims she has to satisfy lest he runs away with a more beautiful and youthful girl. What kind of husband is that? What kind of love requires a wife to do that? I suppose you want to look beautiful for your husband, but doing it for fear he looks to others? Ugh.
It just irates me... this whole obsession over looks. I would willingly splurge on books, movies, computers and especially holidays. But spending a huge amount on clothes, fashion accessories and branded shoes for instance, never agreed well with me. I just feel it such a waste. I always think, "Why would it be so much fun to wear something expensive?" I could use the money for an enjoyable novel instead, or a good movie. Okay... you would look good with good clothes. And if you look good... then...? You feel good, they say. But why? Because you like the attention? The admiration? You make more friends? You meet more people? You attract the opposite sex? What??? I'm just trying to find out why humans are innately vain, to some extent. Maybe looking good brings respect? Perhaps. Hm. And if you look disgusting, people shirk you. Hm.
So. Besides the whole superficiality of the world today, which depressed me even more, I read about the three sikhs and the two muslims girls who got expelled from the french school because they refused to remove their religious accessories. Which did not just make me more depressed, but made me madder. What is wrong with wearing or adorning religious symbols as long as we respect each other and don't impose on each other? It's better than throwing people out just because they have conviction for their beliefs. Don't those people understand that for some individuals, certain things which seem ridiculous or stupid to most, like wearing headscarves or turbans, might actually be very important. And it is not as easy as, "Don't wear first ah... Education more important what...". Don't they realise that some people feel that obeying God is more important than obeying the bloody government?
Oh, and I resent how the french view the wearing of headscarves as a form of oppression or a sign of Islamic radicalism! How dare they. You think I would wear the headscarf willingly if it was meant to oppress me??? The headscarf does not oppress women!!! It protects the modesty of women. I think the only disadvantage for a woman to wear a headscarf is the immediate discrimination we get from others! The lower chances of passing a job interview or working as a receptionist, say. (You see, a receptionist has to be pretty, show that beautful mane of hair and bare some skin for the pleasure of guests.) Ugh.
And for god's sake! If they mention one more time about being a moderate muslim, I will scream. There's no such thing as a moderate muslim! What the hell does being moderate mean? Either you believe in your religion, or you don't. I don't want to be like the majority of the Turks who say they're Muslims but don't behave as Muslims and drink alcohol and dress clothes that barely cover half the body. If that is being moderate and modern, then pfft. Being modern is not in the way you dress, but the way you think. I wish some people could realise that, and we all can respect each other and have world peace.
The world is seriously full of stupid people. And am still depressed.
There are always days when everything seems to go wrong. I feel like there's nothing to look forward to. And it gets harder and harder to laugh. And nothing good happens. Depression just sinks in, you know.
The future really seems bleak to me right now. And when I flipped through the straits times today (a rare event), I got even more depressed. The world is so superficial. You know how the papers have a new look now, and they dedicate a thick section to fashion. I just got so disgusted at certain things. About how one lady seems to think that spending thousands on botox and cosmetic surgery in general and staying young is better than going on vacations and travelling the world. When I would, without much hesitation, choose the latter. I simply think it absolutely stupid to forgo travelling the world to look pretty... for who? Her husband, who she claims she has to satisfy lest he runs away with a more beautiful and youthful girl. What kind of husband is that? What kind of love requires a wife to do that? I suppose you want to look beautiful for your husband, but doing it for fear he looks to others? Ugh.
It just irates me... this whole obsession over looks. I would willingly splurge on books, movies, computers and especially holidays. But spending a huge amount on clothes, fashion accessories and branded shoes for instance, never agreed well with me. I just feel it such a waste. I always think, "Why would it be so much fun to wear something expensive?" I could use the money for an enjoyable novel instead, or a good movie. Okay... you would look good with good clothes. And if you look good... then...? You feel good, they say. But why? Because you like the attention? The admiration? You make more friends? You meet more people? You attract the opposite sex? What??? I'm just trying to find out why humans are innately vain, to some extent. Maybe looking good brings respect? Perhaps. Hm. And if you look disgusting, people shirk you. Hm.
So. Besides the whole superficiality of the world today, which depressed me even more, I read about the three sikhs and the two muslims girls who got expelled from the french school because they refused to remove their religious accessories. Which did not just make me more depressed, but made me madder. What is wrong with wearing or adorning religious symbols as long as we respect each other and don't impose on each other? It's better than throwing people out just because they have conviction for their beliefs. Don't those people understand that for some individuals, certain things which seem ridiculous or stupid to most, like wearing headscarves or turbans, might actually be very important. And it is not as easy as, "Don't wear first ah... Education more important what...". Don't they realise that some people feel that obeying God is more important than obeying the bloody government?
Oh, and I resent how the french view the wearing of headscarves as a form of oppression or a sign of Islamic radicalism! How dare they. You think I would wear the headscarf willingly if it was meant to oppress me??? The headscarf does not oppress women!!! It protects the modesty of women. I think the only disadvantage for a woman to wear a headscarf is the immediate discrimination we get from others! The lower chances of passing a job interview or working as a receptionist, say. (You see, a receptionist has to be pretty, show that beautful mane of hair and bare some skin for the pleasure of guests.) Ugh.
And for god's sake! If they mention one more time about being a moderate muslim, I will scream. There's no such thing as a moderate muslim! What the hell does being moderate mean? Either you believe in your religion, or you don't. I don't want to be like the majority of the Turks who say they're Muslims but don't behave as Muslims and drink alcohol and dress clothes that barely cover half the body. If that is being moderate and modern, then pfft. Being modern is not in the way you dress, but the way you think. I wish some people could realise that, and we all can respect each other and have world peace.
The world is seriously full of stupid people. And am still depressed.
Saturday, October 16, 2004
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
DV 15 cookies! Go see.
(Cassie says that one of her all-time fave authors is Dorothy Dunnett! =))))
Cassie's question and answer session with her fans is hilarious. Example:
eckeltricity -- Do you love me?
There was that time when I thought we were meant for each other. Unfortunately we just want different things out of life. Besides, I feel like I need to be alone for a while to really grow. It's not you, it's me.
A psycho fan. Haha.
- - - -
Cassie is evil. How can she leave us a cookie that hangs like that??? Oh... the agony...
(Cassie says that one of her all-time fave authors is Dorothy Dunnett! =))))
Cassie's question and answer session with her fans is hilarious. Example:
eckeltricity -- Do you love me?
There was that time when I thought we were meant for each other. Unfortunately we just want different things out of life. Besides, I feel like I need to be alone for a while to really grow. It's not you, it's me.
A psycho fan. Haha.
- - - -
Cassie is evil. How can she leave us a cookie that hangs like that??? Oh... the agony...
It's terrible. The promos are over but they're still haunting me. Results aren't here yet and I'm terrified of failing. Absolutely scared out of my wits. Had a dream where I was in class, sitting next to Nikki. It was Chemistry lesson (yes, of all things...) and we were supposed to do some MCQ questions. And somehow, when we were going through the questions, I realised I hadn't completed them. (Typical tutorial situation.) And was hurriedly copying down Nikki's answers... and then Mr Lai saw me... And I was so scared! Mr Lai always manages to make me feel bad. I felt so guilty and worried... Then I woke up. And I couldn't fall asleep for a long time after that because I kept thinking about each exam paper I'd sat through, calculating the probability of passing. Which seems low. Then it all led to me thinking how I hate school, as usual, and how I wish I could run away to a pretty countryside and be alone. After a long time, I managed to fall asleep again. By the way, the only silly thing about the dream was that the MCQ questions weren't about Chemistry. It was a Singapore idol trivia. I recall a question that asked why Leandra had pink hair tied with green ribbons. (Atrocious colour combination!) And I was going, "How do I know why she wants pink hair???" And was panicking, so I just anyhow answered the MCQ questions. Of course, Leandra has really nice brown hair, and I have no idea why I dreamt that.
Anyhow, I shall record yesterday's incident of blurness. Went out whole day and watched Wimbledon with Nikki and Jean. Decided to go home at bout 5.30. Took the train from Orchard of course. Nikki was supposed to take the NEL train, so she was supposed to get off at Dhoby Ghaut. But she missed it and got off at City Hall. We were all laughing at her blurness. Waved goodbye to her as she got off at City Hall.
Jean and me stayed in the train, laughing away.
We were on the train going south.
And we were still laughing. About the fact that Nikki forgot to get off at Dhoby Ghaut.
Until. Jean stopped short when the train doors opened. And the sign on the wall said: Marina Bay.
Then we looked at each other. I remember exclaiming, "Oh my God!" And we were laughing like mad as we got off the train and ran into the train at the other side of the platform. The one that went back north.
Can you imagine, we let Nikki off at City Hall, knowing it was City Hall. And had the cheek to laugh at her, when we were missing our stop right there and then.
Absolute blurness on ALL our parts.
Anyhow, I shall record yesterday's incident of blurness. Went out whole day and watched Wimbledon with Nikki and Jean. Decided to go home at bout 5.30. Took the train from Orchard of course. Nikki was supposed to take the NEL train, so she was supposed to get off at Dhoby Ghaut. But she missed it and got off at City Hall. We were all laughing at her blurness. Waved goodbye to her as she got off at City Hall.
Jean and me stayed in the train, laughing away.
We were on the train going south.
And we were still laughing. About the fact that Nikki forgot to get off at Dhoby Ghaut.
Until. Jean stopped short when the train doors opened. And the sign on the wall said: Marina Bay.
Then we looked at each other. I remember exclaiming, "Oh my God!" And we were laughing like mad as we got off the train and ran into the train at the other side of the platform. The one that went back north.
Can you imagine, we let Nikki off at City Hall, knowing it was City Hall. And had the cheek to laugh at her, when we were missing our stop right there and then.
Absolute blurness on ALL our parts.
Monday, October 11, 2004
Am so peeved.
I cannot stand the RJ promo papers. What is up with giving us deathly difficult questions??? Sadistic pricks. They love making us suffer. I can actually do almost all the TYS questions... but for the past year promo papers, I spend half an hour figuring out one bloody MCQ! ARGH.
I hate the school. I hate it. I hate it! I really feel like chucking something heavy at somebody. The other time I felt this angry at the school was during chem lecture when they told us, less than a week to promos, that they were still lecturing on Alkanes. I was sooooo pissed at that point. I was fuming like mad. Ms Tang is nice and all, but at that point, I just hated all the tutors. For putting so much burden on the students. For continuously dumping more stuff to study for promos without being the least bit understanding that we need time for self study. Grrrrr.
The upside of tomorrow is that it's the last day of exams. And am looking forward to some freedom at last.
Restraining myself from writing about Lymond here. Now that I've got the forums, this place should contain 90% less Lymond.
Buying PiF tmr! Hopefully. And celebrating Aisyah's birthday! Not that she knows that yet. Hee.
I cannot stand the RJ promo papers. What is up with giving us deathly difficult questions??? Sadistic pricks. They love making us suffer. I can actually do almost all the TYS questions... but for the past year promo papers, I spend half an hour figuring out one bloody MCQ! ARGH.
I hate the school. I hate it. I hate it! I really feel like chucking something heavy at somebody. The other time I felt this angry at the school was during chem lecture when they told us, less than a week to promos, that they were still lecturing on Alkanes. I was sooooo pissed at that point. I was fuming like mad. Ms Tang is nice and all, but at that point, I just hated all the tutors. For putting so much burden on the students. For continuously dumping more stuff to study for promos without being the least bit understanding that we need time for self study. Grrrrr.
The upside of tomorrow is that it's the last day of exams. And am looking forward to some freedom at last.
Restraining myself from writing about Lymond here. Now that I've got the forums, this place should contain 90% less Lymond.
Buying PiF tmr! Hopefully. And celebrating Aisyah's birthday! Not that she knows that yet. Hee.
Saturday, October 09, 2004
One more paper to go. Chemistry.
What shall I say about the promos? I can say nothing good, of course. The papers were traumatising, to put it simply. Math especially. Halfway through, I was sweating so much, both from the heat and the panic seeping in, as I realised the danger of not knowing how to do almost half the questions. I nearly broke down and cried right there in the exam hall. I would have if not for the fact that it would be a waste of time if I did and I realised could at least TRY to do as much as I can.
Physics started off okay. Even though I coudn't do parts of Section B, I skipped it and did most parts of Section C. Went back to Section B, and then started to panic when I still couldn't do the questions I skipped. It LOOKED easy, believe me. The numbers they gave were simple, everything seemed straightforward, but I just couldn't do it. I almost wanted to strangle myself. It was as if I had a mental block that I couldn't lift. Two words kept running through my head the last twenty minutes, as I stared at the chunk of blank spaces in Section B - Oh no. All I thought was: Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. HOW! HOW! And that helped me in no way to solve the annoying questions.
Oh, and it also didn't help that when I was busy punching in numbers into the calculator, something small and solid fell on my hand. I thought it was a tiny pebble. It felt like it. But from the ceiling?! Then I saw it. A bee. On my table. It was upside down and wriggling its disgusting six legs in the air. I was horrified. I scooted a bit to the left. I stared at it for a good five seconds. Breathing hard. I was thinking, "No! Not now! Not during an exam! Stop plaguing me!" Let me just let you know now, in case you didn't know, that I am simply terrified of things with six legs, namely insects. Cockroaches are at the top of the list. So I was scared of the bee. Finally, thank god, I gathered the courage to swipe it off the table with my calculator. Thankfully it didn't come back or anything.
I am hoping beyond hope that I will do okay for chem. It's possibly the scariest, considering how it is my worst subject. It's scary how I'm only discovering things about reaction kinetics now. Going 'Oooooh. That's how it is...' Frightening. With so little time left.
I realise now how all this exam torture boils down to me being lazy. I should have dedicated more of my time this year to studying. I should learn to be more like duckie. Discipline. Discipline. Discipline. Then can enjoy.
My S papers are surely gone now, though there's 0.000001% hope left. I'll get over not getting S papers and not getting scholarship. It's just one of those things I'll learn to get over and realise that it's not meant to be. Am perhaps not meant to study overseas. The same way I'm not meant to be tall. Or pretty. Or a genius. God knows better.
Am surprised at how I am quite happy to be just the way I am. Despite everything.
What shall I say about the promos? I can say nothing good, of course. The papers were traumatising, to put it simply. Math especially. Halfway through, I was sweating so much, both from the heat and the panic seeping in, as I realised the danger of not knowing how to do almost half the questions. I nearly broke down and cried right there in the exam hall. I would have if not for the fact that it would be a waste of time if I did and I realised could at least TRY to do as much as I can.
Physics started off okay. Even though I coudn't do parts of Section B, I skipped it and did most parts of Section C. Went back to Section B, and then started to panic when I still couldn't do the questions I skipped. It LOOKED easy, believe me. The numbers they gave were simple, everything seemed straightforward, but I just couldn't do it. I almost wanted to strangle myself. It was as if I had a mental block that I couldn't lift. Two words kept running through my head the last twenty minutes, as I stared at the chunk of blank spaces in Section B - Oh no. All I thought was: Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. HOW! HOW! And that helped me in no way to solve the annoying questions.
Oh, and it also didn't help that when I was busy punching in numbers into the calculator, something small and solid fell on my hand. I thought it was a tiny pebble. It felt like it. But from the ceiling?! Then I saw it. A bee. On my table. It was upside down and wriggling its disgusting six legs in the air. I was horrified. I scooted a bit to the left. I stared at it for a good five seconds. Breathing hard. I was thinking, "No! Not now! Not during an exam! Stop plaguing me!" Let me just let you know now, in case you didn't know, that I am simply terrified of things with six legs, namely insects. Cockroaches are at the top of the list. So I was scared of the bee. Finally, thank god, I gathered the courage to swipe it off the table with my calculator. Thankfully it didn't come back or anything.
I am hoping beyond hope that I will do okay for chem. It's possibly the scariest, considering how it is my worst subject. It's scary how I'm only discovering things about reaction kinetics now. Going 'Oooooh. That's how it is...' Frightening. With so little time left.
I realise now how all this exam torture boils down to me being lazy. I should have dedicated more of my time this year to studying. I should learn to be more like duckie. Discipline. Discipline. Discipline. Then can enjoy.
My S papers are surely gone now, though there's 0.000001% hope left. I'll get over not getting S papers and not getting scholarship. It's just one of those things I'll learn to get over and realise that it's not meant to be. Am perhaps not meant to study overseas. The same way I'm not meant to be tall. Or pretty. Or a genius. God knows better.
Am surprised at how I am quite happy to be just the way I am. Despite everything.