Today I crossed over to the other side of 25.


What's been running through my brain today: aren't you afraid of being mediocre! (a line I keep recalling, thanks to Lin, who I met up with yesterday after ~one million years)

Onwards and forwards to a better self! God, keep me calm, and patient, and brave.

randomness, but some day -- I hope I'll enjoy something like this.

how I feel at the end of a work week sometimes.

7 kids tomorrow -- breathe.

I want more language cases instead of the preverbal kids I see most of the time. Then I can work on more interesting and complex stuff like high-order text comprehension or phonological awareness skills. The moments I enjoy in my work = after I see a complex language case and miraculously I have time to pore through the assessment results and figure out what to do with the kid.

---

The confession that implicates its audience is - as we say in cricket - a devilishly difficult ball to play. Reject it and you slight the confessor; accept it and you admit your own guilt.

-- The Reluctant Fundamentalist, by Mohsin Hamid

Not sure where it's coming from, but I'm feeling general unspecified anger right now; angst -- it should totally be a thing of the past for me, right. what the heck.

>:\

I think it's likely I'm directing my feelings towards myself.



God, at the moments I forget to ask forgiveness of you, forgive me.

---

this was a great watch! Simple plot (seven sons going to save Daddy from evil, revenge-seeking nutcase), simple theme (i.e. filial piety -- nothing like the asian version), and entertaining action (each son had a cool weapon of choice -- loved the bow and arrow!)

Therapy can be filled with hilarious moments, as well as horrifying ones. And sometimes, those two can overlap -- once, I felt like gasping in shock and laughing at the same time.

I was testing a child on blending of phonemes i.e. asking him to join sounds such as "fff", "aaa" and "mmm" and to tell me what word they formed together. He clearly had trouble with this, and hence his atrocious reading skills -- so I kept modeling it, and he unsurprisingly got bored and distracted. So I asked his Mum sitting next to him to help me model for him as well, and asked her to blend 3 phonemes. Except Mummy looked at me blankly when I asked her to do it -- and I'm like ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

OMG, Mummy! You also got reading issues ah! And what do I do at that point, but kinda like go, Hahaha, it's all right, Mummy, this is quite tough. We'll practice more of this with him next time okay...

@.@

Alamak, how you expect the kid to know this when the parent doesn't.

Then again, I'm forgetting -- non-phonetic languages like Chinese might not be based on phonological awareness skills, which means it's okay for purely Chinese-speaking adults to be poor in this? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Interesting.

And this entry is becoming some sort of professional-reflection-journal or something. Not my intention.

Goodnight!

---

Rich Man, Poor Woman SP!

Hilarious scene, seriously.

I'm almost done with Quiet by Susan Cain -- and it has been a good read; very relatable and lots of practical advice on how to live happily and successfully as an introvert in today's world. For example, it has a chapter titled, When Should You Act More Extroverted? Introverts can somehow find energy to do extroverted stuff like giving public talks, sharing with big groups of people or networking when it's to do with one's passions or what are called core personal projects. But after doing so, introverts should allow themselves to retreat to their personal spaces to recuperate and return to their natural selves. Apparently, it's not an uncommon thing for big and famous introverts to step off from the podium and then go to a toilet cubicle to get some alone time -- and that this is okay. Personally, I have never resorted to this. :O Then again, I've never given public speeches.

It is important that introverts sacrifice their comfort zones for true passions i.e. core personal projects. Otherwise, if one insists on being pseudo-extroverts for whatever random gain, one risks burnout and in worse cases, depression.

... there are three key steps to identifying your core personal projects.

First, think back to what you loved to do when you were a child. How did you answer the question of what you wanted to be when you grew up? The specific answer you gave may have been off the mark, but the underlying impulse was not. If you wanted to be a fireman, what did a fireman mean to you? A good man who rescued people from distress? A daredevil? Or the simple pleasure of operating a truck? If you wanted to be dancer, was it because you got to wear a costume, or because you craved applause, or was it the pure joy of twirling around at lightning speed? You may have known more about who you were then than you do now.

Second, pay attention to the work you gravitate to. At my law firm I never once volunteered to take on extra corporate legal assignment, but I did spend a lot of time doing pro bono work for a nonprofit women's leadership organization. I also sat on several law firm committees dedicated to mentoring, training, and personal development for young lawyers in the firm. Now, as you can probably tell from this book, I am not the committee type. But the goals of those committees lit me up, so that's what I did.

Finally, pay attention to what you envy. Jealousy is an ugly emotion, but it tells the truth. You mostly envy those who have what you desire. I met my own envy after some of my former law school classmates got together and compared notes on alumni career tracks. They spoke with admiration and, yes, jealousy, of a classmate who argued regularly before the Supreme Court. At first I felt critical. More power to that classmate! I thought, congratulating myself on my magnanimity. Then I realised my largesse came cheap, because I didn't aspire to argue a case before the Supreme Court, or to any of the other accolades of lawyering. When I asked myself whom I did envy, the answer came back instantly. My college classmates who'd grown up to be writers or psychologists. Today, I'm pursuing my own version of both those roles.

- Quiet, When Should You Act More  Extroverted?

Currently reading Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain -- 

my sentiments: dear book, why couldn't you have come sooner in my life! it could have saved me a lot of pain while growing up.

It basically vindicates quiet people or introverts and shows how awesome and necessary quiet, solitude, and people who love those two are.

It quotes Kafka, who had to explain to his fiancee why he needed time alone to do his genius:

You once said that you would like to sit beside me while I write. Listen, in that case I could not write at all. For writing means revealing oneself to excess; that utmost of self-revelation and surrender, in which a human being, when involved with others, would feel he was losing himself, and from which, therefore, he will always shrink as long as he is in his right mind... That is why one can never be alone enough when one writes, why there can never be enough silence around one when one writes, why even night is not night enough.

At this late hour -- the brain is actually asleep, and whatever is left takes over.

---

How will we paint tomorrow?

even in the brand new future

sadness spills over

staining the heart

Still working through my re-watch of Hanadan. (:

Oshiawase ni.

I totally love Tsukushi -- adorable, gutsy, brave girl.

yes, she is, Domyouji!

---

and... hello, long weekend! :D

the little girls from Qatar are back for a short holiday, and it will be a busy weekend, yay. Also, I have my first Arabic exam coming up -- did I say I've resumed my Arabic? I have! I shall ganbarimasu and be more awesome at this than ever before (and not completely mix up my non-English, non-Malay vocabulary, hehe).

Time is a tricky thing, isn't it. 

Depending on one's reference point, something can feel like it's been forever, and something else can feel like it was only yesterday.

I've been rewatching Hanadan! 

I've sorta calculated that I do this about every 2 years or so, haha.

And I've also revisited my love for Utada Hikaru's songs -- seriously, I used to have her on repeat like all day or something and knew every word by heart.

---


And Domyouji/Makino -- love them so much. This show, it makes me laugh so hard, and makes me cry so bad. Japan! When will you produce another magic like Hanadan!

DOUMYOUJI: Hello.
MAKINO: Uh… um… It’s me, Makino.

DOUMYOUJI: Oh.

MAKINO: Can you talk right now?

DOUMYOUJI: Sure. I can talk.

MAKINO: We haven’t done this in a while huh? We haven’t used these phones…

DOUMYOUJI: You’re… right. What’s wrong? Are you crying?

MAKINO: I’m sorry. I’m not crying. You know… You know what? Talking to you… on this phone… is such an amazing thing. I thought… I would never… ever hear your voice from this again.

DOUMYOUJI: Makino.

MAKINO: This Sunday…

DOUMYOUJI: Eh?

MAKINO: Ebisu Garden Place… Clock Tower Square, at 1 o’clock!

wah! I like this:

realize that anything worth doing is worth doing badly

from The Rules To Be Happy

friday = love

I'm seriously in love with Friday. At this point, nothing makes me happier, haha. (:

I've had such a wonderful Friday today -- only two patients the entire day (complex but interesting, and I probably bombed my evaluation on both, but what the heck, M was still so nice to me after). Also, my afternoon was spent writing up patient notes at a relaxing pace, because my clinic slots are still empty. Then I met up with my SLP classmates -- who are really some of the best people I have ever known -- and our dinner made my entire day, and my entire week.

If this is my support system in this field, I can survive this, and I can succeed in this profession, God-willing. I am so grateful for this bunch of people -- my heart feels full.

A real connection is almost palpable; and therefore touches you.

---

I wish I had more adorable girls in therapy -- but if they're able to do stuff like this, then duh, they probably don't need my services.

This is the famous Japanese-American girl, Nina, whose early childhood days were documented on youtube and remains one of the cutest things ever on the web. 

(My mum says she looks like I did when I was teeny, but I was cuter, heee. :P)

This one, when Nina can't say "k" -- dad could have tried pressing down on her tongue with a tongue depressor or a lollipop! That would have helped. But anyways -- totally okay if she's not saying "k" when she's this teeeeny!

----

And this is the vlog episode with Lizzie Bennett and Mr Darcy finally getting together (somewhat non-halal, sorreh) -- god, I adore these two! I don't think I've ever hated any version of the Lizzie/Darcy pairing. I practically had to slap my mouth to stop from fan-squealing while on the train.
This has been an excellent internet production; probably best ever.

Whatever you lost through the stroke of destiny,
Know it was to save you from adversity.
One small affliction keeps off greater afflictions;
One small loss prevents greater losses.

- Rumi

You can only work to be one of two things in this world:

rahmah or fitnah;

a mercy to others or a tribulation.

Today, while writing up some typical patient notes -- Child attempted to gain attention by lightly tapping on SLT's hand -- I felt an insane impulse to add to it: IT WAS SO CUTE!!!!! Patient notes are meant to be formal and concise and straightforward; this is of course very un-me, and I often feel the crazy urge to be random, flowery or rambly, just so I can convey with more feeling how the child appeared to me. (Seriously the kid was so cute; boring patient notes cannot do him justice.)

---

Love this. Fuzzy, warm feelings in my chest.

They make me feel all ganbatte about work and the future. (:

The sky never ever forgets the memories even when we are apart
There won't be another season when I'll meet someone else
that I'll love this much
Shine more, my awesome lady
Surely, my feelings will reach you softly
Believing is everything
There is no night without dawn
Believing is everything
Love so sweet.

What I struggled to put into words when we were discussing marriage today!

... a great degree of happiness actually comes from pleasing others and in a relationship, that would be each partner doing their utmost to please the other. To a large extent, happiness is a derivative of that, rather than assuming that, as Alice says, we can or should feel happy all of the time. More important that ‘finding happiness’, which actually I think is the cause of a lot of unhappiness, is I would suggest serving certain principles and ideals, working together as a couple to seek to achieve them and happiness will be derived from working together as a couple towards these.

from mfcerrah

rurouni kenshin = kakkoi

omg, I loved the movie!

I didn't have great expectations for it because of the lukewarm reviews. I started out intending to watch maybe a half hour of it, but I ended up finishing the whole thing on a worknight -- couldn't stop! Maybe it's cause I haven't seen the full anime so I had nothing to compare it to; so I finally discovered the awesomeness that is Himura Kenshin and became enthralled. The fighting was pretty fascinating too.

Ah, I do love heroes. Don't we all? Which is why -- I generally dig the shows or stories with clear hero archetypes.

---

When we hit a wall, what can we do but take a step back, and pray that we find a way through.

The past Saturday, my sis, parents and I were stuck in a traffic jam in Johor till ~1.30am because of a Chingay event taking up road space; we had been warned about it during the course of the day's shopping but we had not anticipated the extent of its effect on the entire pusat bandaraya. It was nutso~~~~~!!! and hilarious to recall. We had set off for home at 8+ pm but by 9.30-ish the traffic was crawling at ant's pace, and by 10-ish, we were stationary. It felt like the entire city simply shut down and witnessed the chingay.

After some irritating squabbling and finger-pointing amongst ourselves in the car, my dad pulled over and shut down the engine and we whiled away the hours while the chingay people had their fill of the fireworks and the singing and the merry fun. The entire highway was filled with people lounging around their stationary cars and chatting each other up and fanning ourselves against the heat. I was sprawled across the backseat watching a movie on my iPhone (leftovers from my Spain trip stash, hehe, thank goodness). My sister described how further down the road at the Shell kiosk, the scene was ala end-of-the-world, with cars packed in the roads but stationary or abandoned, and dark roads (because they had switched off the lights for Chingay light effects, wooh!) and people queueing up for basic amenities -- i.e. toilet.

All-in-all, quite the adventure.

---

Been listening to the Bayyinah app on the way to work for the past 2 months (oh, how time flies!), and Allah bless our tireless teachers who impart such valuable knowledge. I feel like I've learnt so much from listening to so little, and it's been helping me keep life and work in perspective, Alhamdulillah. yay. (:

I really like this Arashi song, Wild at Heart!

Maybe it's the bouncy-ness of it, that reminds me of the early days when I fell for Arashi (and JE as a whole). Arashi = they make you feel less crummy when you're having a bad day.

If you've overburdened yourself, throw it all away
Leave tomorrow  to how tomorrow wants to handle it
Nobody knows what will happen in the future
All we need to do is live the present, 

Let's go

Wah, I actually really agree with this. And if there's one thing that I regret about jumping ship into speech therapy, it's leaving the fascinating but difficult world of coding. And my god, I too have said before I'm sure: they should have taught us to code in school! It really is a creative process.



hey, who knows, maybe in the future, I can code and make one of those software therapy program thingys. hmmmmmm.