OMG. Sherlock.

I watched the first episode, and it's love.

As I walk home from placement these days, neighbours and familiar persons have been asking if I'm coming home from work or study -- and depending on what is more prime on my lips, my answer can be either. Because placement, especially this one, is not study. It is draining work. And what's app is becoming a crazy endless channel for work discussion, so that we have updates for report changes at all times of the day; it can drive you to the edge. An entire department office on one's phone -- beeping at a moment's notice.

I want to be able to tell people that yes, I am working already.

I am so looking forward to the end of this course. I will miss the lovely people (so so so much) and the library perks, but am ready to get out of NUS, truly.



And the holiday in December --- the shining, golden finish line.

You know what's one of the joys in life? To pick a book off a shelf by gut feel, and have it turn out into an incredible read.

I've never really found out much about how or why my dad died. I didn't go to his funeral and Mum has never taken me to his grave, and she has no pictures of him in the house. I'm not to tell anyone about him, she said. Only his name, because it's also my name, Alex. When I think of whether Dad is happy to be out of Hell I have a memory of me and Dad and Mum having dinner. We were sitting at our table in the living room and Mum brought in some bread rolls on a plate. Dad took two of them out and stuck his fork through one and his knife through the other and started bouncing them up and down the table as if they were feet doing a little dance. I remember the way the sunlight was strong and lit up the side of his face and the lines at the corner of his eyes when he laughed. I remember Mum flicking him with a tea towel, laughing and telling him to stop. She used to laugh loads back then.

When I think of this it makes me sad, but more confused than sad. I'm confused because when I think of him making the bread rolls dance and then think of what I saw that day, of Dad shooting those policemen, it just doesn't make sense. Aren't evil people evil all the time? Aren't funny, kind people who bring toy cars for their son funny and kind all the time?

-  The Boy Who Could See Demons, Carolyn Jess-Cooke

It's such a beautiful story, and so well thought out, and it made me tear up so badly in the train (the times when I actually get time to read). I fell in love with Alex probably three pages in. He speaks about the traumas of his life with such innocence, it's impossible not to feel like you want to take him away from it all and adopt him. The backdrop is Northern Ireland after The Troubles, but the aftereffects of a war-torn area are basically broken down infrastructure, and broken souls. Alex is like a little brilliant spark you want to save from it all.

And I actually thought this was a children's book at first.

Granny poured in the sugar and said, 'Memory's a funny thing, Alex. Sometimes it can hurt us without us realising.'

I nodded but had no clue what she meant. I figured this was what old people said when they were about to lose their marbles.

This whole honey boo boo child thing keeps me torn between horror and amusement.

But mostly, horror.

Beauty pageantry for children and this fiasco / controversy about honey boo boo and her family have only shown me how true it is that women make society. One mother sets the life of one or more individuals -- and by God, we need women with greater purpose and vision to set straight the future of society. 

I don't think the mums of these self-declared divas are bad mums; I'm sure they love their kids and want what's best for them. I feel like they themselves don't seem to know any better. Really -- this is what you want your child to live for? 

when our magical alter-egos take over

More of my favourite things, like I said.

SPOILERS. And Joong Ki sings the OST for his own drama! 







This drama is wrecking my emotions; I just finished episode 16. First off, Jae Hee reminds me of DT!Hermione, because she has the cheek to feel heartbroken when it finally hits her that maybe Maru is really completely done with her and now loves Eun Gi. What do you expect, woman! You betray someone, step on his love and devotion multiple times, and expect him to stay in love with you forever? Bitch extraordinaire!

Maru is driving me insane with his skewed logic of staying happy within this bubble of happiness that is Eun Gi's memory loss. It's quite heartbreaking actually that he's so happy. While his friend Jae Gil mirrors my frustration about Maru's stupid insistence not to get medical help pronto. Maru says he won't die, he'll just settle all the more urgent things happening first (like helping Eun Gi regain her footing in the company) --- but we all know that this is kdrama's way of dangling tragedy over our heads so that we all chew our nails in fear of Maru's death and the destruction of the OTP.

Eun Gi is back. OMG. Being the awesome lady she is, she digs around and finally regains her memory, and sort of crumbles when she realizes the bigger picture of Maru and Jae Hee, and how she's like a little thorn in this crazy, long saga. But all of this happens alone. She then awesomely composes herself, pretends nothing has changed and gathers her steely resolve. So that Maru has no idea the old, driven, ambitious Eun Gi is back.

And so OMGGGGG, things are kind of happening in reverse now. Maru is all happy and sincere in his love while Eun Gi is plotting the way to get back up on top; it used to be Eun Gi being played by Maru when he was attempting revenge on Jae Hee. It's deliberate drama technique, but very nice nonetheless.

Hoping for a good ending is futile, I think.

What a great voice, Shota.

Reminiscing on his hit debut song, Home. 


After all this time, I can't go back to that place...
Whatever wonderful memories I have,
I should keep them in my heart.
I still remember to this day. That's good enough.
Don't worry. I can still sing.
Someday I'll go back. The home all my own.




I realise this place, as I slowly transition into a working adult and less an overgrown student, is becoming a dumping ground of my favourite stuff rather than a blog. Because all I have time for is apparently, some brief comments and lines accompanying a video or picture. I don't know where I got the energy and juice to blog so extensively in the past.

It's not like there's no time per se. It's more like when I have time, I just want to switch off and not think. And reflective writing needs a lot of thinking. I do have those thoughtful moments still, but I don't know why they don't end up in proper entries here.

Maybe next time.

If being adult means less contemplation, it is sad. That shouldn't be, right. But I have the gnawing perhaps irrational fear that I'm morphing into the typical, unthinking, busy, Singaporean.

ack! Timely reminder. 

You know that silly disappointed feeling you get when you realize you're not the only one who likes something? Or is it just me. Because I am possessive? 

I always feel like I want to pout and say as Mort did, I like them! I like them! Before I even met them, I liked them! You hate them compared to how much I like them!

HP was like that too, kinda. I liked the fact that I had a group of close friends all nutty about HP, but when HP became a worldwide craze and everyone knew of it --- uhhh, not so good. I remember being ecstatic about the prospect of watching HP on the screen, but after a while... 

Which is why, in many ways, thank goodness for the obscurity of Lymond.

Life is learnt by opposites. yes?

How to appreciate good, if you have not experienced bad. How to be close to God, if you haven't learnt the perils of being distant from Him.

Spamming this place with vids, cause this is the only thing I'm following now, entertainment-wise. Can you blame me?

The latest episode was traumatic and so well-acted; they are totally sealing my love for them, these two.

---

And this is how fandom grows: you jump from one fan thingum to another, and before you know it, you find yourself swimming in fandom trivia.

Having discovered the awesomeness that is Song Joong Ki, now I want to watch this too.

Kak Waty's Red Velvet Cupcakes for Aidiladha

I had a funny but horrific dream last night, in which I found scary big blobby rashes all over the palms of my hands, and I confirmed my fear that I had Hand-Foot-and-Mouth Disease. @.@ Then I woke up, and frantically checked my palms.

Hahhha, of course, I am actually fine. It's only my subconscious playing up because we're taking turns falling sick ever since we started placement at the kindergarten and my imagination went a bit wonky. I have had terrible sore throats and irritating colds, and the kids are falling sick one after another. And we have therapy sessions where we sit close and face-to-face with kiddies who try to splutter out 's' sounds... and you just imagine the germs lah, okay.

Anyways, 2 more weeks!

---

Was feeling weepy and pensive tonight, and then out of the blue, we get uplifting messages 

-- don't tell me it's coincidence, because I don't believe it is. 

:)

I believe real bridges don't get burnt.

Met up with T and D and we played The Game of Life!

Aren't we already playing the game of life?

Well, yes, but we can't reset that, can we?

Duck was being an ultra career-minded female -- no family card in sight. And she kept exclaiming, "Where is the degree card!!! I want to get my degree!"

Eventually, she gave up waiting for the degree and became a pop star after auditioning to become a part of Arashi in Japan. (The game is hilarious because it actually involves you having to make up a story to fit the card you play.) Duck also had a midlife crisis (and swapped her hand of cards with mine) after which she took a ride on the world's tallest rollercoaster, something totally uncharacteristic of her.

I won the game! 

Mostly due to Turk's insistence on discarding all her wedding cards and thereby losing out. -.-

I started out working as a stunt double (playing a female hobbit opposite Bilbo Baggins), and lived with my exotic pets, a polar bear and a shark. I had nice adventures like finding a message in a bottle from a blond dude, and swimming with dolphins. Later, I attained a degree and switched jobs to become an exotic pet vet! haha, how insane is that. Then I had an underwater wedding with my exotic pets in attendance, and bought three separate houses: an igloo, a lighthouse and a beach house, plus a private jet to travel between all of them. On top of that, 6 kids! and managing to find Big Foot in Alaska with my husband.

Hah! If only real life was as simple yet exciting as a game of cards.

---

For some reason, I started reminiscing on old bollywood songs tonight. 

One of the many many old bollywood songs that evoke such strong nostalgia in me. Errr, bollywood was probably my earliest fandom? haha. Between 8 - 12 years old, I recall coming home from school to my granny's place, switching on Malaysia's TV2 after homework, and watching an insane amount of hindi movies. 

It's in the bloooooooood, as we like to say.

I think I've found my favourite korean drama pairing! OHCRAPZ. This will only mean heartache.

SPOILERS for Nice Guy.



I'll ship them so hard, but I know how terrible kdramas generally are with their endings, and either one or both of them will die or at least turn blind or maimed in some way. UGGGGHHHH. As it is, we know Maru's brain condition is a ticking bomb, and he's going to collapse and die if he doesn't do anything about those damn headaches. And Eun Gi will regain her memory and think he doesn't love her because he's being with her for revenge against the stepmum a.k.a. company-president-usurper-snake-devil-incarnate (complicated much?!?!?!). Then Eun Gi will be heartbroken and tell him to leave, only to realise after he's dead that he did love her. AH CRAP. If that's how it eventually turns out, I will hunt down and slap the drama writers, and myself, for investing time and emotion in this story and loving Maru/EunGi.

Anyway, I realise that really, I haven't truly loved a kdrama pairing! This might be the real first. Usually, sure, I think kdramas have got romance down pat and pairings are generally adorable and chemistry-laden. But I think it's cause I actually love each of the actors separately and independently and you bring their acting chops together and then, lo and behold, there are wonderful sparks! That now, I love them independently and together, and it's bringing a shipper-feeling I thought I had completely lost.

hooray for A!

I've been plundering youtube for videos for therapy and I found one that's for teaching alphabet knowledge. AND THEY ARE SO AWESOME. I need to keep bombarding one of my kiddies with input cause she appears to have some retention issues, and these are perfect and so bouncy and fun -- and even I love it and want to sing it again! So what's your bet that the kid will love this and will remember the letter A?

I'm interested in things that last.

Subhanallah....... Time management skills, why do you always desert me.

I keep wishing I was a Roswell alien so I wouldn't need more than 3 hours of sleep every day. As it is, even if I'm so incredibly exhausted, things won't stop speeding around in my head! yikes.

God, help me balance work, loved ones, and You.

If I do not wish to give, then indeed I do not show you the desired gift.

Spoilers! for Nice Guy.







No particular reason that this is here, other than my deflating after a week of tense assessments, and non-stop brain-whirring.

I think I am watching this drama mostly because I love the two leads. Currently, Moon Chae Won has no contest for being my favourite kdrama actress, and Song Joong Ki I adore because he's one of the original members from Running Man, and IMO, the perfect blend of endearing and kakkoi in a guy, with that added bit of spark and subtle humour in his personality. Not so kakkoi that you'd be intimidated by him in person and not so endearing that he's an utter dork, haha.

Anyways -- the clip shows Eun Gi after her supposed car accident and memory loss (kdrama's favourite plot device!). I find it amusing how dramas always make recovering from brain damage like a walk in the park, if perhaps a long one. And that brain damage normally confers some memory loss but otherwise, one can be a-okay. When in fact, you can take your pick from a slew of real-life traumas, seriously: paralysis / aphasia / cognitive disability / personality changes / more??? Interestingly, the drama showed Eun Gi transposing words around as she writes (ooooh, phonological issue....?) -- a point up in realism! She doesn't appear as sharp or smart a lady as she was before the car crash.

Speaking of which, for clinical placement, I may have more than one apraxia case on my poor inexperienced head right now and diagnosing this thing is confusing the frak out of me! D:

THIS WEEKEND = FIGURING OUT WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO INTERVENE for provisional apraxia diagnosis vs. inconsistent phonology disorder vs. articulation plus language and literacy issues. These are too complex for training purposes, I think. D: HOWWW. stresssssssu.



ohhhmmmmmgg.

I keep telling myself: This is hard, but Alhamdulillah.