I haven't loved a Jdrama couple in a loooong time, but finally I get my fix: the unforgettable duo from Rich Man Poor Woman!



SPOILERS

Didn't I say before these two are crazy and adorable. I just finished watching the finale episode and it has surely one of the most hilarious airport love scenes ever.

Hyuga finally gets off his ass to chase after her but when Natsui sees him she runs, with luggage and all. haha omg, who does that!!!

Of course, after Natsui calls Hyuga a BAKA (first time ever in his life probably), 

the OTP materialises!

I need more happy Jdramas like this.

another one! because I like the song, and we have more of Hyuga/Natsui.

The Power of Vulnerability.

In order to make connection, we must allow ourselves to be seen.

Love this. It's one of those paradoxical things in life: to be strong, you have to first be weak.

Her follow-up talk:

In the words of Running Man's Kang Gary,

The one who does not repay the bad with the good, is not from the noble.

- Sayidina Ali r. a.

This made me think of recent events, and how I got frustrated. Certainly, it is not surprising nor is it wrong, for someone who gets hurt to retaliate. But don't you just wish, they could be bigger than themselves and act nobly instead?

But I suppose, nobility is not commonplace.

This was one of my favourite songs from my younger days!

If we make it the finishing song at our end year class party, ohgosh, 

it will be nostalgia + awesome feelings of coming full circle.

We were strangers on a crazy adventure,

Never dreaming how our dreams would come true,

Now here we stand unafraid of the future.

---

and I just wanna add this bit of Bartok, haha! man, I loved the Anastasia movie.

I'd give her a HA! and a HAIYAH! and a WOOWAH! and I'd kick her, sir.

Who is this adorable little girl!

Her face sums up my thoughts right now though: that one can be both happy and sad, because you succeed at some things (therefore, happiness!) but fail at others (therefore, disappointment!) all in a day. What's important is keeping perspective, no? So you don't ever swing too much in either direction (too high and happy or too sad and depressed), but maintain moderation in all things, as was exemplified by Nabi s.a.w..

Life is the pursuit of balance!

Equanimity =  a state of stability or composure - neither elated nor depressed - arising from a deep awareness and acceptance of the present moment. (Wikipedia)

On an unrelated point: I wish I could express love, care or concern to people without it appearing weird. Like I'd like to just go and ask, Are you okay? except that I feel the person will think me kaypoh! Oh dear. Especially with facebook and stuff, people put unhealthy statuses for public consumption and seriously, some people make me worry. Or tumblr! That place has even scarier emo stuffs. We should just physically start knocking on each other's doors and ask if anyone feels not-so-good, needs help, needs someone to talk to. 

OMGGD!!! how are you this amazing chameleon.

 

Whatever You wish me to do, help me do it.

Why are heroes always made from tears and blood? Even in reality, and not just the fiction I love, we know that greatness often comes from the small, the poor, the despised, or the weak.

And then yesterday, I was reminded: of course! God is with the broken-hearted. (:

---

A heady experience, for an only child accustomed to single-thread happiness, and not to the moment of creation that occurs when the warp is interlocked with the weft. When the singer is matched with the sounding-board; the dream with the poet. When the sun and the fountain first meet one another.

- Checkmate, Dorothy Dunnett

I've been reading reviews, trying to relive my first read.

I like this Running Man Episode! It features Han Ga In, who starred in the famous The Moon That Embraces The Sun. (JW, an episode rec for you!)

Although it isn't as crazy, exciting, or fast-paced as other episodes, it's really interesting! They made out the whole thing like a drama from the beginning, and it really almost felt like a drama -- they had to figure out who among them were first loves in childhood, based on clues hidden in obscure corners, as usual. The mystery left them constantly guessing, and confused. And then, it had a really really cute revelation bit. :D oh man, it was so cute.

I also think Haha might be my favourite member right now. Drama-mama Haroro.

Some updates:

* Thesis submission is over! Submission closed at exactly 5.00 pm. I almost got a heart attack when I couldn't even click the folder on ivle just to check on my plagiarism report.

I've found errors already, mostly formatting ones, but also mistakes with regard to participant age and numbers... yikes, yikes, yikes! Lucky hard copies are only due Monday so at least can alter for those. D:

* My PBL group thinks I'm bossy! :OOO But I hope they don't hate me or anything, ahah. If they tell me I'm bossy to my face, I don't suppose they resent it that much?

* I'm in love with a Jdrama too, yay! Rich Man, Poor Woman has a lovable, eccentric couple I'm totally rooting for, played by Oguri Shun (I've missed seeing him on screen!) and Ishihara Satomi. 

He's a hot-tempered computer genius and she's a naive fresh graduate with an eidetic memory, who he hires. And both of them are mentally unhinged in their own ways, it is so funny to watch them be insane around each other! The drama actually has some serious themes, but the two of them really make this an absolutely fun watch. 

One of those bits where she behaves like a crazy woman:

* I am forgetting that just because thesis is over, it doesn't mean I'm finished with this course yet. Still got hurdles to overcome!

* Last but not least, in the spirit of this whatsapp screencapping, one of my faves that I saved:

Friendship requires that rare mean betwixt likeness and unlikeness that piques each with the presence of power and of consent in the other party. Let me alone to the end of the world, rather than that my friend should overstep, by a word or a look, his real sympathy. I am equally balked by antagonism and by compliance. Let him not cease an instant to be himself. The only joy I have in his being mine, is that the not mine is mine. I hate, where I looked for a manly furtherance, or at least a manly resistance, to find a mush of concession. Better be a nettle in the side of your friend than his echo. The condition which high friendship demands is ability to do without it. That high office requires great and sublime parts. There must be very two, before there can be very one. Let it be an alliance of two large, formidable natures, mutually beheld, mutually feared, before yet they recognize the deep identity which, beneath these disparities, unites them.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I thought this an excellent description of what I'd always thought about friendship, the true kinds at least. What a delicate balance it is.

“Only trust someone who can see these three things in you: The sorrow behind your smile, the love behind your anger, and the reason behind your silence.”

Why am I emo when I need to finish my thesis.

Raya celebration meets Gangnam style -- hilarious! Malaysians do seem to have much more fun celebrating hari raya.

----------

Manipulation Level 5000!!!!

I've been bugging my sister to watch Gaksital (even bribing her with free sushi meals).  Susi, if you're reading this, here's a relatively non-spoiler-heavy clip to whet your appetite.

It shows one of many instances where Kang To exercises his awesome manipulation skills and uses his villain disguise to save the girl. Kang To is known to all Joseon as a terrible traitor who serves the Japanese Imperial Government but at the same time, he's the Gaksital who fights for the rights of Koreans. Could there really be a more intriguing disguise??? It's really just awesome to watch how he plays the villain-hero persona at the same time. Joo Won should get an Oscar.

Here he warns the girl that she and her freedom-fighter-daddy are in danger of being caught by the police while all the time pretending that he's the baddie who's always right on her tail. Also, funny bits by the rest of the cast!

It's so nail-bitingly exciting every week I'm like this @.@, so please, people, get a clue.

The following clips are SPOILER-filled but are here because they are my favourite parts of all of the drama so far, I think. It's the episode that really made me clutch my cheeks and think, "HOW IS THIS DRAMA SO AMAZING."

My old live-blogging comments when watching these parts:

Kang To is GENIUS. He uses his old bastard persona as an EXCELLENT DISGUISE. And makes Shunji totally second guess himself in the best way possible. KANG TO YOU ARE GENIUS AND THE MOST TORTURED HERO EVER.

He's the one in handcuffs and then screams for Goiso and Goiso comes skidding in, only to realize that Kang To in handcuffs, not his boss Shunji, was the one who shouted for him and he was all WHAT THE FFFF. HAHAHAHA.

KANG TO IS BEYOND AWESOME. WILL HE BECOME MY FAVOURITE K-HERO EVER?????? He totally takes charge -- he makes me believe in the whole just DO IT CONFIDENTLY AND EVERYONE WILL BELIEVE YOU'RE RIGHT.

Selamat Hari Raya!

I had two full days of celebrations, and then put a close to all of it for myself because of upcoming deadlines. I stayed in school late yesterday lest I came home to guests and couldn't get any sort of work done. It's been feeling like a never-ending marathon with Ramadhan and then the thesis and the cases and the learning issues. Exhausting is an understatement.

Raya was the same-old fun stuff (is that an oxymoron?); plus people once again asking when I'm going to be married. Dearies, if it was as easy as ticking a checkbox for you, I would do it just so you'd get off my back. I've been wondering what the threshold age is before they start realising maybe it's not quite so polite to be implying how terrible it is to be single in front of a single woman. All I can say is, thank God I am so much more self-possessed now than I was when I was younger.

Besides, I have never had reason to believe otherwise:

O Allah, when I lose hope because my plans have come to nothing, 
Help me remember that Your Love is always greater than my disappointments,
and Your Plans for my life are better than my dreams.

No, not now = Yes, but not yet

Have I mentioned how much I love PBL (i.e. Problem-Based Learning)? I may have alluded to it, or implied that it was fun. But I have to say it clearly: it is the safest, most enjoyable, and most conducive learning environment I have ever had the privilege to be part of.

Essentially, what we do is, a group of 10 of us, sit around a table and discuss a case. There is stimulus information (e.g. worksheets with details about a client) provided by the faculty and each session is usually accompanied by an external supervisor who stands by the periphery to watch and just kinda steers us back if we're veering a bit too off course. As a rule, they aren't supposed to talk much at all. Ultimately, on a given morning, we students kind of figure it out for ourselves. They throw problems at us, and then say, "Here, figure it out!"

I think it may come across as an exaggeration to say that the whole process is fun, but how else can I say it? We come up with ideas, share it with each other, respectfully criticize each other, occasionally laugh at our cluelessness and dig up information together. It is awesome. I wish every school experience I had based itself on PBL. It empowers the individual, encourages independence in learning and builds cooperation and collaboration amongst peers.

Ah, peers. An appropriate disclaimer here would be the fact that I think I have exceptional classmates who are all awesome and supportive and fun. And that, I suppose, is one of the major factors for fulfilling PBL sessions. It might not work with young students or persons with no desire for teamwork. When everybody treats everyone else with respect, or better yet, like a friend, it can only create a relaxed atmosphere. Honestly, our sessions can get so funny at times.

Today, we discussed whether we should allow a boy with ASD to join a CC robotics group: after nitpicking each other's arguments, we came up with two answers which we laughed over, because it was essentially the same thing -- "No, not now" and "Yes, but not yet". Ah well, it's not so funny now, but it was funny as frak to me this morning.

We only have four weeks left and all of this will come to an end -- it saddens me. I want my classmates now to be my future colleagues, can?



And how is it that 30 nights have passed by without my feeling like I've done anything? I feel weepy tonight.

ASD is such a fascinating condition. Only slightly more than a year ago, I had some reservations about working with these children; they're aloof, distant and very difficult. (During my first placement, I was on eggshells every time I saw this ASD kid; he looked ready to burst into tears at the slightest provocation!) Less worrisome to work with the other kids, right? Children with Down's for instance, are so warm and adorable, and hug you for no reason.

But now, I feel quite the opposite. I'd be quite psyched to be assigned an ASD kid! Yes, I do think ASD is still something complex and difficult, but my gosh, so interesting.

This morning, a guest lecturer told us of a 7-year-old boy who, in the space of about 15 minutes and while his mum chatted to the therapist, filled an entire whiteboard (a'la John Nash in Beautiful Mind) with the anatomy of the brain, accompanied with chemical equations and scientific labels. His favourite hobby was to read the Encyclopedia Britannica.

This brilliant boy however declared, "I don't need any friends, I don't need my family, I don't need anybody." And then later said, "The person who invented friendship must have been very intelligent." Underlining the fact, that really, the social world is something incomprehensible to their intellect.

Sheldon Cooper is so real, y'all. And so is Mr Spock, perhaps, haha.

oops, I've fallen for another drama

Apparently, I don't learn.

Been quietly following the Kdrama, Gaksital. I have no coherent words as to how awesome it is. It's about 8 episodes to the end now and it still hasn't disappointed, and has delivered one awesome episode after another.

I have now completely confirmed my weakness for tortured heroes (as if it was ever in doubt?). All the K-dramas I consider good and are in my favourites list (i.e. Iljimae, Princess Man, City Hunter and now, Gaksital) involve a hero tortured to the edge of sanity and then becoming a masked vigilante to avenge against a corrupted government. Ah, I'm so predictable. But really, if Kdrama has a talent, it's torturing their characters. Also, the female lead is usually equally awesome and physically involved in the conspiracy in some way.

I actually started live-blogging while watching because it's that good. I was barely able to contain my fan squeeing. Gaksital is not only possibly becoming my favourite K-drama ever, but really one of my favourite heroes of all time, outside the K-drama sphere. I'll probably dedicate a separate post to the reasons for why and how Gaksital wins -- additionally, I will try to be as objective as possible -- when the whole drama wraps up. I have a feeling this might be one of those things I'll physically force on my friends to watch.




In the meantime, enjoy a SPOILER-filled MV of the OTP (of course there's one! a hero always gets one):

Also, there are gorgeous, gorgeous shots. And people are raving about this incredibly moving scene. Seriously this drama is so nuanced at times, it makes me gasp in awe.

I'm really, really, really, hoping that the ending meets the standard of the drama so far.

O Allah! I ask that You give me from Your Presence such mercy that with it You will guide my heart, regulate my affairs, and put order into my disorder. And that You will fill me with perfect faith, and bestow on my outer, good deeds, and You will render my deeds pure and sincere, and inspire me with a suitable way to gain Your Pleasure, and give us friends that will be familiar to me and protect me from all manner of evil.

O Allah! Even though my understanding is limited and my deeds are few, I bring to Your Door my (worldly and otherworldly needs) and ask that You meet them. I am in need of Your Mercy, and I present my state to You.

Power of fasting! 

I think I like these two (i.e. Sungha Jung and Megan Lee) all the more because they're obviously Big Bang fans. Sungha Jung even mentioned on a television interview that he looks up to G-Dragon as a composer/songwriter.

And Monster is really nice! It's quite noisy at first, if you're not into loud jarring music, but underneath that, there's a beautiful, sad melody. Personally, aside from a few of Big Bang's very early songs in their first albums or so, I can't say I find any of their songs boring. Yes, I know - my bias. I've been blinded by love and now lost all objectivity.

Sungha Jung's cover of Monster with Megan Lee:




And the original! (I love TOP's voiceovers, seriously. @.@)



---

Also recently finished a novel called The Little Women Letters by Gabrielle Donnelly, based on the much-loved Louisa M. Alcott's original Little Women: a descendant of the March sisters discovers letter correspondences between Jo, Meg and Amy in her house attic, and learns about love, life and family.

It's lovely domestic and optimistic fluff (and so unlike my normal inclinations for melodrama of epic proportions, it's refreshing). It left me grateful for knowing some awesome women in my life too.


Concord, October 1872


Dearest Bethie,


This is the last time I shall write to you from this home where we all once shared so much laughter and so many dreams, where I grew from a wild girl to a happy woman, where Meg was courted by John, and Amy made her mud pies and fretted about her nose, and you were our angel and still are. Dear, tonight my Professor returned from the West, and tomorrow, all in a day, I am to marry him, and move to Plumfield to start the school!


...


I think I shan't write to you again, Bethie. I'm leaving this home where for so long I have lived so quietly with mother and father and your memory, and going to a different place, to start a busy new life whose activities will leave me little time for writing letters to you. But don't think, dearie, that I've forgotten you or ever will, even for an hour. Death cannot part us, for our love can never die, and nor can my changing home, for I feel your presence always watching over me, and wherever I go, I know you are there. Dear, such an adventure as I am embarking on in my life with Fritz! But please know that, no matter what happens to me from now on, no matter what joys or sorrows befall, no matter where my life takes me, or how many years of it may be given to me to live, I will take you with me, in my heart, always.


With love, dearest Bethie, from
Jo.


And this from the 1994 movie adaptation with the star-studded cast (I don't know why I don't have this movie in DVD already; I should): where Laurie proposed to Jo, only to be horrifyingly friend-zoned. The first time I watched this, I remember thinking, "God, Jo! You can't reject Christian Bale!!!!!" And besides, he's going to be Batman! Except well, even I didn't know that before, haha.

I am a fan of this intelligent, eloquent, big-hearted, passionate and gorgeous lady, Myriam Francois Cerrah, whose blog now sits on my favourites bar. Hurray for inspiring women as role models.






---

Unrelated but, I noticed the date -- Happy Birthday, Harry Potter! Hah. :D I believe he's supposed to be 32 years old today?

I have been imbued with some strange positive vibe tonight, despite the fact that my first thesis draft is due in a few days and I am of course nowhere near done. I'm not complaining; just hoping this lasts.

It would be awesome if this blessed month reflected on my academic work.

Hate no one, no matter how much they've wronged you.
Live humbly, no matter how wealthy you've become.
Think positively, no matter how hard life is.
Give much, even if you've been given little.
Keep in touch, with the ones who have forgotten you, and
Do not stop praying for the best for those you love.

- Sayidina Ali B. Abi Talib r.a.

I picked this book up at NLB yesterday.

It highlights what seems intuitive to a lot of us: that promiscuity and unusual or different (read: perverted and unnatural) sexual behaviour is bad; but this doctor proves that it's medically so. Because liberal persons and groups will just scoff at you if you speak of anything to do with morality and God forbid, religion, they need a doctor to show them some hard facts. This is a brave lady who seems to really care abut the welfare and health of young people, especially young women, her personal ideologies and beliefs aside (I don't even know what these are).

It's a compelling view: that promiscuity isn't condemned as much as drug use, alcohol, or smoking when it appears equally dangerous. It's not even a moral stance, people! It's about your health! But people and institutions of authority are pretending these facts don't exist and celebrate Hollywood-style sexual liberation-ism, because, Grossman opined, they are pushing a political/social agenda (or in my opinion, they insist on being Godless and self-destructive, come what may). 

Alhamdulillah, all of the above is forbidden in Islam. Seriously, women, trust God to protect you, not misleading feminists.

Ramadhan Mubarak! Time must be especially managed and spent wisely now.

Insya Allah, we will all see him after this world. :')

This is an awesomely succinct summary of why the niqab shouldn't be banned! :) I'm not a fan of it either, and a Muslim woman I am too (for I believe that all that is stipulated by God is everything covered but the face and hands) -- but ultimately, niqab is a choice that harms no one. And in my personal view, is just an excuse to attack my faith as a whole.



This dude has this perpetual, exasperated I-can't-believe-I-even-have-to-explain-such-a-simple-thing expression on his face; so amusing.

No matter where God planted you it is your task to expose yourself to the light.

:)

from Why the trees lean in

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.

- Desiderate the Desired Things

Our first proper meet-up for the year! I thought it deserved a special post.

Who knows when we'll meet up next. :P

Thought for the day:

God is Kind, but God is also Wise.


Happy Nisfu Syaaban. <3

"I missed you," I said, pulling Dov down to sit next to me on the edge of the bed. I wanted so much to take his hand into mine, to kiss his cheek, to hug him and hold him. Instead I just stared at the tangle of uncombed hair at the back of his head, I wished he would look at me, but I knew he couldn't. Not when he was like this. Just sitting beside me without shrieking, for this precious moment, was the greatest gift Dov could give me. I knew it took every ounce of his energy and concentration to do it. "I love you," I said quietly, getting up as slowly as I could.


"How about some pajamas?" I asked, rummaging through his dresser drawers. I tried to help him put them on but whenever I touched him he doubled over, laughing hysterically. He could not stop. "Was everything okay while I was away?" I asked, trying to ignore his behaviour and my despair. "C'mon, let's get these on." I was on the verge of tears. Dov couldn't stop laughing; he laughed until he was screaming.


Then suddenly, just as inexplicably, he began sobbing uncontrollably, a deep, mournful, despairing kind of crying. Huge tears rolled down his cheeks. I stared at him in utter grief, unable to know what was going on in his mind and heart. Finally, I just hugged him tightly, locking my arms around him and rocking us both, brushing away my owns tears on my sleeve.


I didn't really believe in praying. But that didn't stop me from doing it. In fact, I prayed all the time. And not just for Dov but for all the children in the world who suffered from autism. They all deserved a miracle.


But I wanted a modern miracle. The old-fashioned miracle where one person at a time was saved just wasn't acceptable anymore. No, modern miracles were much bigger than that: They had to be reproducible; they required clinical trials and publication in peer reviewed journals. Modern miracles were for the masses, not just one individual. That's why we started CAN (Cure Autism Now). What good was a miracle, after all, if it saved only one little boy? No, I never prayed just for Dov -- until now.


I felt defeated, destroyed, inadequate, broken down. I would accept any kind of miracle right now, even the senseless, one-in-a-million, unreproducible kind that cured only one person. I was too devastated to be altruistic any longer. I just wanted God to fix Dov - to save him, to cure him, to help him get better - because this was no way to live.


And then Dov started communicating with an alphabet board, and they discovered he had an intelligent and intact mind beyond their imagining.





Miracles, I was learning, not only brought joy but by their very definition must shatter your world, casting everything you thought you knew to the four winds.

- Strange Son, by Portia Iversen

I am totally going to rave about this book to my classmates. Already started today. It is overwhelming to contemplate the possibility that the low-functioning autistics we've come across actually have complete minds that feel and think like any other. The only reason this isn't in out textbooks, I feel, though I've yet to dig up more on this, is that there is a lack of EBP (i.e. evidence-based practice) and they just haven't distilled the intervention procedure to be scientifically acceptable (and with concrete valid theories etc).

That's the problem with science. It takes itself far too seriously and blinds itself to wondrous possibilities.

VULTURIUS
Halt, who goes there?

TURKEYIUS
It is I. I have observed you now of late
Thou hast the look
Of a depressed bird. 
Share your worries with
A friend that loves you.

VULTURIUS
Oh, Turkeyius.
Vexed I am 
By the words of a matchmaker.
He spoke of turnips and blond hair...

TURKEYIUS
A matchmaker!
Oh worry not, my sister.
He speaks of nothing but lies.
'Open your heart', he tells me
'Love might strikest unknowingly
Like lightning'.
I think it's bullcrap.
Pardon my language.

Poem 8 by Tito Mukhopadhyay (An excerpt from Portia Iversen's Strange Son)

In a place called Somewhere there lived happiness
Somewhere was a place of Paradise
But one day from Nowhere
Came Sorrow from the place called Nowhere
Happiness asked Sorrow to leave
The place called Somewhere
Sorrow went back to Nowhere
And then occupied the hearts of people
Who are kind and compassionate
As they never refused anybody a place to stay
So if you feel the pain
Which a person who lost his mind bears
If your heart aches when you see a tear in someone's eyes
If you are ready to accept such a person and help him
You can be sure
You have sheltered Sorrow in your heart.


This made me cry, and all the more because Tito is severely autistic (i.e. negligible speech, no control over behaviour, arm flapping etc) and who could ever dream such a mind existed under the autistic shell. How can it be true that autistic persons know no empathy and lack theory of mind when this poem exists??? I am boggled.

Have a look at Tito on a documentary. I've yet to finish the book, but I am getting increasingly fascinated.

Danger, danger da yo! especially when I desperately need to be practical and on-task. And likely the reason I always go for epic-level stories.

Many INFPs depend on and come to expect a certain level of emotional intensity. For better or worse, they feel they are not fully alive without a stiff emotional cocktail in hand. They may seek out, even if largely unconsciously, experiences that arouse or intensify feelings of passion or inspiration. They may turn to drugs, relationships, novels, poetry, music, or movies–whatever it takes to jump-start their emotions and achieve their desired level of intensity.When feeling inspired, INFPs may disappear for hours on end, immersing themselves in painting, poetry, music, and the like.

personality junkie

This is too lovely.



And how obvious is it that I'm distracting myself with all of these instead of putting my nose to the grindstone and finishing this dastardly research work?

omg, this is so beautiful, you have to listen. This is a musical prodigy! I see people calling him a guitar ninja on youtube.




If you need something more familiar instead:



O.O This is just so amazing. I'm already contemplating getting his album. And this boy is only what? 16? He looks really young.

---

And this is my favourite variety show right now! <3

This is my current favourite! (Although Haru Haru comes a close second -- I don't ever tire of Haru Haru for some reason.) I've been digging through their previous albums for the less popular tracks as well, and this one got me.



GD, underneath that almost-Gaga-level fashion madness, is an uber-romantic heart, because he's the one who comes up with the story and the music and it's always these tragic, beautiful things. Creativity, idealism and romance do tend to go hand in hand.

My only masterpice is our love tragedy
My heart is an art gallery filled with you


Only the white chair that you sat in
Has your scent on it
You left leaving only a heartless silence
Waiting for you, this little cafe

This is bad translation, I bet. I wish I could understand Korean a bit more, like I do Japanese at least. It's come to the point where I would watch entire Japanese shows unsubbed to watch Big Bang, and it's totally improving my Jap, haha. Right now, I can make out few Korean words but the syntax still evades me.

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay;
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee;
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company;
I gazed - and gazed - but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft on my couch I lie,
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

- William Wordsworth

I was listening to a cute little story about passion:

There was this little sparrow sitting on top of Prophet Sulaiman's (a.s.) place of worship, and he was trying to convince a female sparrow that he was a worthy mate, but she wasn't paying much attention. He said, "You know, if I wanted, I would turn this dome right over on the head of Sulaiman for you." And then, the Prophet who of course knew the language of all creatures overheard him and called him over, and the poor sparrow had to go over, shaking in fear.

The Prophet asked him, while the sparrow's heart beat thunderously in his little breast, "What made you say that ridiculous remark?"

And the sparrow said, "Oh, Prophet of Allah! Don't you know lovers are never taken into account for what they say in the presence of their beloved?"

Smart aleck little sparrow.

They have such crazy theme parks in Japan! Oh godddd, I want to go to Nihon. :( It's been almost 4 years since.

I feel really compelled to read this book.

The Winter of Our Disconnect: 

How Three Totally Wired Teenagers 

(and a Mother Who Slept with Her iPhone) 

Pulled the Plug on Their Technology and Lived to Tell the Tale 

The irony is that in the first place, I know of this book because of social media. There are all these bad addictive things about social media, and we all know it. But there are some really great things too! Like sharing great ideas, and giving support, and raising money, and political opposition, and power to the people etc etc. The answer, I suppose, will always be: moderation. And discussing what moderation is can be a debate all on its own.

Moderation is a relative concept, isn't it? What's moderate to you, might not be moderate to me. My sis and I were having a somewhat deep discussion just last night: someone might think going to a rock concert is not immoral, but someone else might think it is. One of my classmates was telling me about how her used-to-be-fashionable tudung friend totally started wearing drabber clothes because her Tarim-graduate fiance opposed the ostentatiousness; it wasn't like she wasn't covering up, she was just being all runwayproject about it. And here we are, buying colourful scarves by the dozen. There are really a lot of layers and variations to this. Ultimately, we all know that intentions and the heart are what matter, and it is down to the individual. So it's a case of tepuk dada, tanya niat, and if you feel your heart is pure while you're jumping in a moshpit to Lady Gaga's music, then by all means? (An aside: Recently, Gaga decided to put a cage of roaches on her head or something? O.O Please stop trying to pass stupidity as art; this is really pushing it.)

With something less extreme than a moshpit with Lady Gaga's controversially satanic music, like facebook or twitter, moderation is even more ambiguous, right? While it's not difficult to think that your intentions aren't pure if you're playing around in a foam party, it's not that easy to judge your intentions as you scroll down your news feed or tweeting. And then you start to wonder, those clarity-moments perhaps, What the heck am I doing here??? And is it just better if I disconnect completely, or am I being extreme?

At this point, I'd say it's extreme to just suddenly up and disconnect; all those friends I have :( and connections, and nice quotes, and great books. But if you're on the path of struggle and purification (on which we all technically should be!), maybe it is the right thing to do. Tepuk dada.

I tried to hold out against this. But I can't anymore, so I confess -- I love Big Bang to pieces now. And I know I'm starting to annoy my sis with my sudden spurt of love and obsession. I can't believe just how so so so awesome they are. A boy band that is actually really talented. For a long time, I've always thought they were different and their songs tended to be amazing (I have posted sporadically about them over the past few years, haven't I?); but I held out against the Kpop wave and all, you know, because more often these K-artists are just shiny veneers. But THIS; these five guys who are each so freaking talented and then they actually combine forces to work at something so unique and addictive. I never thought there'd come a day I'd appreciate rap, but my god, when it's love, there's no explanation.

I mean, I still love Arashi and all, but you'd never hear me bragging what great musicians they are. Haha, JW and I even joked that we've kind of put aside the music - acknowledging that the music is not the point - because the boys are just so entertaining.

Big Bang is a different league and story. They have made me appreciate this music of theirs that I am now so insanely addicted to, I worry for my health and iman. But really though, excellence in any field is always a sight to behold.



And here's GD, my favourite of the lot because he's the creative genius behind the music. He's so surprisingly normal and endearing in person compared to his intense persona when he's doing his music, I melt. There's a fascinating gap between his performing self and his real self. Here he talks about how he usually writes music (the show asks guests to come and show off their talents as part of the programme, it's a bit nutty):

research woes.

It's not an easy thing to work on something with a linguist, a clinician and a research professor all at the same time! They're saying quite different things and as a result my brain feels like it's being torn at least three ways. And what makes all of this extra difficult is because the time we're given is insanely little -- and I am especially miffed when I am rushed to come up with beautiful theses and writing. I have lamented numerous times that creativity and deep reflection and thought requires time, frak it, not deadlines!

On an upside, Prof L as much said that I could write well; I should apparently make use of it to angle my thesis so that the data becomes meaningful. And I do agree with her that everything about this research has been subpar because of essentially the lack of time (and lack of good instruction!), and I just haven't had the luxury to really mull over this thoroughly. The word I hear is that our batch has been dubbed the whiny ones, but seriously -- how is it humane that since the start of the year, we have had consecutive weeks of lectures followed by exams followed by placement followed by vivas and interviews, and on top of that we have to juggle this crazy frak of a research topic that we pluck out of thin air because sorry, we're forced to?

This is supposed to be our four week break, okay. And when Prof L asked what's the program right now for us, I said, "It's our supposed break now." She quickly picked up on the "supposed" and we had a laugh over it. It's been crazy, and actually sad because this course has not turned out very good for some of my classmates; but dear God, let us all emerge from this together as determined therapists who will do great nonetheless.

Tomorrow I'll have to return to my research work, but tonight, I am so happpeeeee. (:

The Batam class trip was fun fun fun, and a great success.

And then I got this message tonight! The cherry atop my A&W waffle ice-cream (haha!).

I am on such a general high tonight, I keep wanting to dance. To Big Bang and 2NE1's old Lollipop song.

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Ahhhh, some of the best stuff from Nobuta all in one place! <3 I love my first dramas (i.e. the ones that sucked me into fandom) so much.

I was looking for stuff to put into my phone and came across this. And the subs are awesome! I think I need to download fansubs because I didn't ever know that the first scene of Shuji and Akira together, crazy Akira was talking about Nietszche???







And... Am off for a class trip tomorrow! Yays, a little break for us STs.

A moo point.

The phrase "the guy who got a girl after Sheldon Cooper" will probably be a classic. Haha, poor Raj!



Also, my sis downloaded the Whip iPhone app as used by Leonard here, and it is hilariously fun.

Yummmmmm, gorgeous bookstores around the world!

This one's in Paris, France.

I would totally plan a round-the-world holiday to visit awesome bookstores around the world! If I had $$$$ and my mum wasn't such a traditionalist.

For those terrible moments of confusion, loneliness, fear and sadness:

It's true isn't it: God tests your patience to see if you're deserving of the reward. So ask for patience and await eagerly for the unimaginable love and bounty awaiting you. I feel this truth finally became clear to me tonight. Masha Allah.

“When somebody spills tea on your carpet, don’t be like ‘Do you know how much that cost me? Look at what you just did’, you should be like ‘Oh, no-no-no don’t worry about it, I love tea on my carpet.” (Shaykh Hamza Yusuf)

cutesy tumblr!

Finished our oral vivas today, and while we were stuck in the holding room, we played old games like heart attack and polar bear! Nostalgic, and so so fun. Oh man, Mini is right. It will be depressing to leave this class.

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SPOILERS!

On the drama front:

Still watching Love Rain, though my infatuation has waned a little. I also have to confess that JGS's  prettiness probably has got something to do with my sustained viewing, oops. The plot has started to go a little bit in circles, and there are predictable character moves as well. Also, I'd learnt that step-siblings are totally halal for marriage in the purview of Islam (because really, no blood relation whatsoever) and that made me a bit tired of the elaborate melodrama and pain -- because I kept thinking: OMG BOTH YOU COUPLES JUST GET MARRIED ALREADY! It's okay and totally halal, get over it. 

Yesterday, finally sat down to watch the first episode of Papadoru! and omg, it is insane. Jdrama crack, I have missed you? The drama is basically about an entertainer/idol playing HIMSELF (i.e. Ryo as Ryo, godddd) and he falls in love and marries a widow with kids, to the chagrin and horror of the rest of the industry and country. It's as real as you can get with a drama -- cause Ryo is still part of Kanjani and he is still part of Johnny's and Associates, and gah, Arashi and OTHER JE stars feature. I mean, I would watch the drama just for that even if the plot goes to hell.

Basically, I have theorised that they've made this drama to do one or both of two things:

1) To make people think kinder of the recent what-Jin-got-married-when bombshell

2) To pull fans back to JE and counter the super-power-korean wave

And this adorable little girl is to die for. I didn't want to spoil Duckie for this but I couldn't help it. XD Almost died from the laughing/shrieking.

I can't quite decide if I like this story - One Day by David Nicholls.

 But I'd say it still works better as a book.

There's something about this bit that makes me want to keep it:


"And they did have fun, though it was of a different kind now. All that yearning and anguish and passion had been replaced by a steady pulse of pleasure and satisfaction and occasional irritation, and this seemed to be a happy exchange; if there had been moments in her life when she had been more elated, there had never been a time when things had been more constant.


Sometimes, she thought, she missed the intensity, not just of their romance, but of the early days of their friendship. She remembered writing ten-page letters late into the night; insane, passionate things full of dopey sentiment and barely hidden meanings, exclamation marks and underlining. For a while she had written daily postcards too, on top of the hour-long phonecalls just before bed. That time in the flat in Dalston when they had stayed up talking and listening to records, only stopping when the sun began to rise, or at his parents' house, swimming in the river on New Year's Day, or that afternoon drinking absinthe in the secret bar in Chinatown; all of these moments and more were recorded and stored in notebooks and letters and wads of photographs, endless photographs. There was a time, it must have been in the early nineties, when they were barely able to pass a photo-booth without cramming inside it, because they had yet to take each other's permanent presence for granted.


But to just look at someone, to just sit and look and talk and then realise that it's morning? Who had the time or inclination or energy these days to stay up talking all night? What would you talk about? Property prices? She used to long for those midnight phone-calls; these days if a phone rang late at night it was because there had been an accident, and did they really need more photographs when they knew each other's faces so well, when they had shoeboxes full of that stuff, an archive of nearly twenty years? Who writes long letters in this day and age, and what is there to care so much about?


She sometimes wondered what her twenty-two-year-old self would think of today's Emma Mayhew. Would she consider her self-centred? Compromised? A bourgeois sell-out, with her appetite for home ownership and foreign travel, clothes from Paris and expensive haircuts? Would she find her conventional, with her new surname and hopes for a family life? Maybe, but then the twenty-two-ear-old Emma Morley wasn't such a paragon either: pretentious, petulant, lazy, speechifying, judgmental. Self-pitying, self-righteous, self-important, all the selfs except self-confident, the quality that she had always needed the most.


No, this, she felt, was real life and if she wasn't as curious or passionate as she once had been, that was only to be expected. It would be inappropriate, undignified, at thirty-eight, to conduct friendships or love affairs with the ardour and intensity of a twenty-two-year-old. Falling in love like that? Writing poetry, crying at pop songs? Dragging people into photo booths, taking a whole day to make a compilation tape, asking people if they wanted to share your bed, just for company? If you quoted Bob Dylan or T.S. Eliot or, God forbid, Brecht at someone these days they would smile politely and step quietly backwards, and who would blame them? Ridiculous, at thirty-eight, to expect a song or book or film to change your life. No, everything had evened out and settled down and life was lived against a general background hum of comfort, satisfaction and familiarity. There would be no more of those nerve-jangling highs and lows. The friends they had now would be the friends they had in five, ten, twenty years' time. They expected to get neither dramatically richer nor poorer; they expected to stay healthy for a while yet. Caught in the middle; middle class, middle-aged; happy in that they were not over happy.


Finally, she loved someone and felt fairly confident that she was loved in return. If someone asked Emma, as they sometimes did at parties, how she and her husband had met, she told them:


'We grew up together.'"